1 00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:04,964 Who or what did you do to get this $20 tip? 2 00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:07,966 Because I wheeled a customer home the other night, 3 00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:10,093 and all I got was a five. 4 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:13,263 And that was after we made out and I gave him a bath. 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,268 The lady at that table asked me what was special here, 6 00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:20,478 And I said, "I used to be," and then I burst into tears. 7 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,400 I pull that out whenever I need a manicure. 8 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,861 Well, it's that time of year again. 9 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,070 I'm so jealous. 10 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,489 I can't believe you only get your period once a year. 11 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,533 It's tax season, and my accountant said 12 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,286 I'm getting a refund. 13 00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:36,829 He also complimented these moccasins, 14 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:40,290 which are also controversial around here. 15 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,834 Well, they do have the word "mock," 16 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,210 -..."ass"... -And "sin." 17 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,296 This is why I never wear overalls, 18 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,465 because you two would be... 19 00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:48,758 -Overall... -Disgusted? 20 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,301 Precisely. 21 00:00:50,426 --> 00:00:52,594 Oh, Earl, that reminds me. 22 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,222 I forgot. Here you go. I finished your taxes. 23 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:59,601 And for the future you cannot claim your weed dealer as a dependent. 24 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:03,229 I don't know why. I'm very dependent on weed. 25 00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,609 Max, since I've been helping everyone with their taxes, 26 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,361 mostly because the only other time I get to use 27 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:12,114 my financial degree is counting how many Q-Tips we have left... 28 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,615 Ha, five. 29 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,492 Three. I dropped two in the toilet, 30 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,454 and the cockroach is using them as oars for his boat. 31 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,831 Ha. That'll be cute. 32 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,501 Look, there are two things I won't talk about. 33 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,668 Taxes or your flying dreams. 34 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,004 Face it, Caroline. You're not going anywhere. 35 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,549 Okay, well, we have to talk about our taxes, and what we're gonna 36 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:34,637 claim, and, no, you cannot claim I'm ruining your life. 37 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:39,015 Why? I did that last year and got ten dollars back. 38 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,019 (THEME MUSIC) 39 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:43,686 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 40 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,239 2:00 am. Closing time. Let's go. 41 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:59,203 It's only 12:30. 42 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,704 -Nice try, Max. -Come on, let's leave early. 43 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,415 I'm more exhausted than my bra. 44 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,960 Whoa, good, you're still open. 45 00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:11,131 My fiance wants a cupcake, and she always gets what she wants. 46 00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,300 Hi. 47 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,512 I mean, I really want a house in the Hamptons, 48 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,597 but I'll take a cupcake. 49 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:20,265 I'm nothing like that sounded. 50 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,102 Don't apologize. I'm everything like that sounded. 51 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,312 Oh, uh... I'll be right back, babe. 52 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,021 There's a homeless guy building 53 00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:29,066 a shopping bag house around the Porsche. 54 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:32,902 Too bad. That homeless guy almost had a front Porsche. 55 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,739 He hates this neighborhood. 56 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,991 So you've been held up at gunpoint one or two times? 57 00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,784 It's like, grow a pair, right? 58 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,745 So what are you eating? 59 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,204 Um, chocolate. 60 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,417 But, wait, now I'm thinking red velvet. 61 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,586 Tim put my ring in one when he proposed. 62 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,587 Oh, he proposed with one of our cupcakes? 63 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,840 -That's so sweet. -Yeah, it was. 64 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,341 I mean, it was like a whole thing, because I swallowed it, 65 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:58,596 but, once it passed, really so pretty. 66 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:02,348 I gave him a 20 to move to that Mini Cooper instead of our car. 67 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,895 Remind me to start calling Han "Mini Cooper." 68 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,646 Babe, I've been thinking. 69 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:12,026 -Uh-oh! That's never good. -No, it's great, babe. Listen. 70 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,986 So, since you proposed to me with one of their cupcakes, 71 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:18,073 I was thinking that these girls should do our wedding cake. 72 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,283 But, babe, we already ordered a wedding cake. 73 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,578 Thirteen hundred dollars. Remember, babe? 74 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,121 I know, but, babe. 75 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:27,750 They said babe less in the movie Babe. 76 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,127 So do you guys do wedding cakes? 77 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,295 -No. -Yes. 78 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,212 Uh... I don't. She does. 79 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,549 She's the baker, and, yes, we do tons of wedding cakes. 80 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:36,841 Gay weddings, straight weddings. 81 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,760 Bed wettings. 82 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,764 Claire, you do whatever you want, but I'm gonna wait in the car. 83 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,933 I just can't do the cake stuff again, babe. 84 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,269 He doesn't want to do the cake stuff. 85 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,479 Well, I don't want to do the butt stuff. 86 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,647 You know what I mean? 87 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,942 -No. -Yes. 88 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,735 Why don't you come in and we can talk about it? 89 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,528 -Enter through the diner. -Okay. See you guys in a sec. 90 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:00,199 What is wrong with you? 91 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:02,825 I told you I didn't want any more white girls in the shop. 92 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,497 And since when do we do wedding cakes? 93 00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,706 Since that guy said 1,300 dollars. 94 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,001 You can do this, Max. You went to pastry school. 95 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,169 I also went to high school, 96 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,839 but I can't tell you which president Rock Hudson was. 97 00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:19,634 -I don't do wedding cakes. -Okay, I know this may not be 98 00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:21,928 the best time for you to make your first wedding cake 99 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,346 because of your recent breakup. 100 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,182 Oh, it's not about Deke. 101 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,851 If you remember, I'm the one who sent his 'fro out the door. 102 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,105 Weddings are just stupid. 103 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,439 This whole idea of celebrating love? 104 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,526 I mean, love works out less than Chris Christie. 105 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:38,403 Right through here. 106 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,531 There you go, Miss. 107 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,031 Thanks. 108 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:43,908 Did you want something else? 109 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:46,536 I'll take whatever I can get. 110 00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:49,206 Okay, we're done. 111 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,625 You're lucky. This morning, a cannoli shell 112 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,545 pressed sexual harassment charges against him. 113 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,423 Oh, my God, you guys. 114 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,591 Your shop is so adorbs. I'm Claire, by the way. 115 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,259 I owned a store on Bedford Ave. 116 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,678 A dress shop called "Get the Frock Out." 117 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,473 Oh, I remember that place. 118 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:09,268 Wasn't it right next to the hair salon, "Unbe-weave-able?" 119 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,937 Yeah, yeah, between "Unbe-weave-able" 120 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:15,274 and the kosher smoothie place called "The Wandering Juice." 121 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:19,403 I love their menorah-nge juice. 122 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,238 Yeah, you know, it was always my dream to have a dress shop. 123 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,408 But then, after a year, hardly anyone was coming in, 124 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,326 and I was like, "Maybe I should get the frock out." 125 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,579 -So I bailed. -I totally get it. 126 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:32,582 Our first shop failed, but we got up, dusted ourselves off-- 127 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,709 Well, Max went on a four-day bender, 128 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:38,004 but I found her and dusted her off, then we started again. 129 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,632 Yeah, good thing you downloaded the "Find Your Drunk Roommate" app. 130 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:44,511 Oh, so you guys kept going, even though you failed? 131 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,930 Why? Don't you have boyfriends? 132 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,558 (CHUCKLES) So when are you two getting married? 133 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:51,851 Oh, in three days. 134 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,271 Three days? You're so calm. 135 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,774 Yeah, well, I was in the plane that crashed in the Hudson, 136 00:05:56,939 --> 00:06:00,151 so after that everything's just kind of been "meh." 137 00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,822 So do you know what kind of cake you want? 138 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,990 Absolutely. Something traditional, 139 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,451 something very old school, you know, very romantic.... 140 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,079 But, wait, now I'm thinking 141 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,954 you guys are so cool, 142 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,249 what if we did something with a weird hipster Williamsburg vibe? 143 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,293 So you want an obnoxious cake 144 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:20,923 on a trust fund, wearing an ironic T-shirt with HPV? 145 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,841 But, wait, now I'm thinking pastels for spring. 146 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:27,762 Oh, but, wait, now I'm thinking colors. I love clowns. 147 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:33,143 Wow, she changes her mind more than I change my underwear. 148 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,312 So twice? 149 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,651 Sophie, on your tax form here, 150 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:46,031 you listed your occupation as "Sophie." 151 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,617 (POLISH ACCENT) Yeah, it's a full-time job, baby. 152 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:54,456 And who claims $5,000 worth of mascara? 153 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,959 It's a business deduction for my cleaning business. 154 00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:02,548 I give it out to all the underage girls from Poland as treats. 155 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:07,927 Just because you're scrubbing toilets doesn't mean your eyes can't pop. 156 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:12,557 Do you have any legitimate anything that we can use for anything? 157 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,643 Here's a big receipt. 158 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,980 Twenty-five hundred dollars for Stolichnaya. 159 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,399 You can't write off liquor. 160 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:24,403 No, Irina Stolichnaya. 161 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,446 Yeah, she waxes my eyebrows. 162 00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:29,324 And my downstairs eyebrows. 163 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,995 Okay, well, there's no line on this form 164 00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:36,497 for downstairs eyebrows, 165 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,002 so I'm just gonna list it as home office. 166 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:45,841 Yeah, well, I do work out of it. 167 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,634 Caroline, where's Max? 168 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:51,971 As much as I enjoy a two-hour break from being called a tiny woman, 169 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:54,391 she's supposed to be working. 170 00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:59,562 -Max, how's the cake going? -That bride's a mess. 171 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:04,483 She changed her mind while she was changing her mind. 172 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,862 Not the good stuff on the top shelf! 173 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,365 Oh, you can't reach it anyway, Mini Cooper. 174 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:17,997 Jokes on her. I have a collapsible ladder. 175 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,957 (PHONE RINGING) 176 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:23,711 Oh, hi, Claire. Max is working on it right now. 177 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,547 Oh, you've been thinking? 178 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:29,800 Caroline, can I get anything for a panty liner? 179 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,224 I'm on the phone with Claire. 180 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,392 You mean un-Claire? 181 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,894 She wants to make a couple changes. 182 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,063 -What should I tell her? -Tell her I hate her. 183 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,441 No, you know what, I'll tell her. 184 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,735 I love to tell people things. Give me the phone. 185 00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,696 Max, I beg you. Thirteen-hundred dollars. 186 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,989 Oh, my God. She is so crazy. 187 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,991 I should make a giant cake and have a psychiatrist pop out of it. 188 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,576 Give me the phone. 189 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,330 Hey, Claire-bear. What's happening, babe? 190 00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,748 CLAIRE: Max, I've been thinking, 191 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,083 and I know I said I didn't want the fondant frosting, 192 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,335 but now I just saw a photo 193 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,004 of another wedding cake that was so gorge. 194 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:09,258 And I started thinking... 195 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,967 Uh-huh, sure. No problem. 196 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,385 So then we can do the fondant? 197 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,929 Yes, definitely fondant. 198 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,889 Perfect. Bye. Love you. 199 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,432 Love you, too. 200 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,937 Max, I know you worked hard, 201 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:24,480 and you're probably upset about having to change it. 202 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,400 (HUMMING WEDDING MARCH) 203 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:42,832 I'm sensing a lot of hostility... 204 00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,044 ...that has nothing to do with that couple, 205 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:48,797 and may be more about you 206 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,173 and a certain groom that didn't happen. 207 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,467 What, you can't light a couple's head on fire 208 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,804 without it being about your ex-boyfriend? 209 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,764 Max, I know you're sad about it. 210 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,267 I heard you crying last night. 211 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,144 That was you crying. 212 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,105 Well, someone was crying. 213 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,530 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 214 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,533 Max. It's beautiful. 215 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,201 You did an amazing job. 216 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,953 That's quite a cake, cake, cake. 217 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,875 Calm down. I made a cake. I didn't fold a fitted sheet. 218 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,336 Ooh, and I like the new bride and groom. 219 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,046 By the way, I fished the other ones out of the garbage 220 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:32,006 in case we ever get a burn victim wedding. 221 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,884 Okay, I got the extra icing. Let's go. 222 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:37,011 Now grab it with two hands and lift with your knees. 223 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,679 Oh, is that how you think it should go? 224 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,640 Because I was gonna grab it with my head and lift it with my face. 225 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,602 BOTH: Got it. Got it. Got it. 226 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,855 Oh, wait. 227 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,274 Got it. Got it. Got it. 228 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:52,943 Got it. Got it. Got it. 229 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,236 -Grease puddle. -Got it. 230 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,197 Got it. Got it. 231 00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,615 -Roach. -Got it. 232 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,951 MAN (OVER PA): Bedford Avenue. 233 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,245 Got it. Got it. Got it. 234 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,873 Got it. Got it. 235 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,041 MAN (OVER PA): Watch the doors. 236 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,043 (GROANS) Max, this is so heavy. 237 00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:12,589 I know. We're two grown women who can't afford a taxi. 238 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,674 Oh, there's a seat over there. We can put this down. 239 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,885 Got it. Got it. Got it. 240 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,182 I blame science. 241 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,601 People shouldn't be living this long. 242 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,312 Max, I need a break. 243 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,438 Me too. Maybe just like two weeks apart. 244 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,274 Like, no phone calls, nothing. 245 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,150 I mean the cake. 246 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,403 And you love me. 247 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,529 Other side. Less crowded. 248 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,282 Oh, this guy can't see. Just our luck. 249 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,283 To the left, sir. 250 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,120 -(BOTH SCREAMING) -Other left! 251 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,460 Oh, what, is everybody blind now? 252 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,586 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Who are you even dancing for? 253 00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,255 Everyone's blind. 254 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:57,008 Got it. Got it. 255 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,427 Losing it. Losing it. 256 00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,678 Holding it. Holding it. Losing it. 257 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,806 Second wind. Got it. Got it. 258 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,057 MAN (OVER PA): First Avenue. First Avenue Station. 259 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,977 There, there. Put it down. 260 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,812 (BOTH SIGHING) 261 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:13,024 Max, I think we got it. 262 00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,697 Don't got it. 263 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,832 Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. 264 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,293 (SIGHING) 265 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,711 Got it. 266 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,465 This cake looks perfect. You would never know. 267 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,551 That's why I'm fond of the fondant. Covers everything. 268 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:40,969 We'll be long gone by the time 269 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,846 they realize it's half cake-half Styrofoam 270 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,474 from the Radio Shack garbage. 271 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:49,019 Hi. I'm the wedding planner, slash, my own funeral planner 272 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,187 because it ain't going great. 273 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,023 You the cake girls? 274 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,774 You think just 'cause we're two girls with a giant cake, 275 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,234 we're the cake girls? 276 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,360 You think because I'm fake smiling 277 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,361 I won't throw you down a flight of stairs? 278 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,033 You do that? Do you have a card? 279 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,119 Sorry. We had a rough morning getting this here. 280 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,205 You? She changed the menu again. 281 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,291 I spent the whole morning making 17 turkeys look like 17 hams 282 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,125 for that crazy bitch. 283 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,046 Oh, come on, that's a little harsh. 284 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,049 What? She won't come out of her room? 285 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,676 The bride has cold feet. 286 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,970 That crazy bitch. 287 00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,179 Here's a crazy idea. 288 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,474 How about the check for the cake? 289 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,226 All right, I'm gonna tell you two what I told 290 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,187 the make-your-own-popsicle guy. 291 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,856 Nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle. 292 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,025 Nobody. 293 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,405 There's gonna be popsicles? 294 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,201 She's not that crazy. 295 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,245 -So what are we gonna do now? -Let's go. 296 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,371 Max, we can't go. We need this money. 297 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,415 We also need a shower curtain that doesn't give us rashes. 298 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:57,419 But, wait, we really need this cake money. 299 00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:01,423 We need a toilet that flushes everything the first time. 300 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,720 While you were doing the cake, I was doing our taxes. 301 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,597 And we owe Uncle Sam $1,500. 302 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:13,102 Man, why does every uncle I know try to screw me? 303 00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,691 So what are we gonna do? You heard that woman. 304 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,442 Nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle. 305 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,570 (IMITATES WOMAN) Nobody. 306 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,408 Knock-knock. There's the gorgeous bride. 307 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,577 (GASPS) Your dress is beautiful. 308 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,706 It's a beautiful dress to get married in right now in the next room. 309 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,792 No, I hate it. I'm taking it off. 310 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,503 I'm not wearing this dress, or that one, or that one, 311 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,548 because I'm thinking marriage is stupid. 312 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,258 -So stupid. -Max. 313 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,595 Stupid beautiful, and everyone should do it. 314 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,138 Nope. It's not for me. 315 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,346 Like underwear. 316 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:56,855 Oh, you'll feel fine as soon as you get back in this dress. 317 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,273 Or that dress or that dress. 318 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,984 Okay, I feel like you guys are forcing me into this dress. 319 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,818 That's ridiculous. 320 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,361 Forcing you into a dress for money? 321 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,822 Now where's that freaking veil? 322 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,283 Nope, not that one. 323 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,451 This was just a backup veil. You can't even see my face. 324 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,870 It was in case I got herpes. You know how it is. 325 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,706 -Yeah. -No. 326 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,792 Anyways, I'm thinking... 327 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,754 What, like seven different things all resulting in us not getting paid? 328 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:25,174 Listen, I'm thinking that maybe I bailed out of my shop too soon. 329 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,177 I mean, I left after only a year. 330 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,510 Why? Because I was just scared? 331 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,429 Well, everybody's afraid of failure. 332 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,972 No, not failure. 333 00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,225 There was a gang shooting in front of my dress shop. 334 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,602 I had to bury two mannequins. 335 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,855 For future reference, just draw a teardrop on your face, 336 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,734 and they'll move it to Banana Republic. 337 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,736 Well, I mean, it wasn't easy for you guys, right? 338 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,863 But you hung in there, 339 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,365 and now you have this big, successful cake business. 340 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,533 -We lied. -It's terrible. 341 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,868 -We're losers. -Get married. 342 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:55,996 Claire, the only thing harder than building a business is finding love. 343 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,332 Look at her. She just lost someone she loves, 344 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,503 and quite frankly she doesn't think it's ever gonna happen for her again. 345 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,879 I mean, none of us do. 346 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:07,676 -Not even Han? -No, he's the one who brought it up. 347 00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:13,222 Claire, who knows you better than us? 348 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,225 You're getting married. 349 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,477 You're right. I should get married. 350 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,145 -Yay. -Yay. 351 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,855 -But not to Tim. -What? 352 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,482 You guys will tell him for me, right? 353 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:24,942 Tell him I'm no good. Tell him I'm sorry. 354 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:28,278 You know what, tell him whatever you want. You guys decide. I'm easy. 355 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:34,536 You know what she's not? Easy. 356 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:36,913 CAROLINE: You heard that woman. 357 00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:39,289 Nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle. 358 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,256 Now, remember, don't lift this veil 359 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,176 until the party planner hands me that check. 360 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,760 Why don't you have to wear the dress? 361 00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,096 You're practically a virgin. 362 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,265 Max, somebody has to walk down the aisle, and I can't do it. 363 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,934 Marriage means something to me, and I only plan 364 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,269 to walk down that aisle once. 365 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,938 You also said that about the yeast infection aisle 366 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:06,151 at CVS, but there you were last Saturday 367 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,778 pretending to buy children's cough syrup. 368 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,655 Let's go. 369 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,784 Oops. Okay. 370 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,161 Wait, Max... 371 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,912 Max, wait, wait. 372 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,038 Wait. Max! 373 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,336 Now, walk down the aisle like it's your special day. 374 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,505 Go. The bride never talks to the cake lady. 375 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,174 People are like, "Who's that?" 376 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,843 If you think they're like, "Who's that?" now, 377 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,804 wait a few minutes till that veil gets lifted. 378 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:38,391 ("WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS) 379 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,246 Can't believe it. She's actually walking down that aisle. 380 00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:02,999 Yup, that's totally her walking down the aisle. 381 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,375 So the check, you can hand it to me now. 382 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,712 You look stunning, babe. 383 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,938 Come on, come on, come on. I'll just take whatever check's on top. 384 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,817 Babe, wait. 385 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,194 Now I'm thinking I do want to get married. 386 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:36,074 Babe, if you're there, who is... 387 00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,744 'Sup? 388 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,084 (ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYING) 389 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,256 Babe, I know I said I didn't want any kids, 390 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:54,092 but now I'm thinking four. 391 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,345 Babe, you should have said that before the vasectomy. 392 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,055 You can always reverse it. 393 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,140 Again? 394 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,644 So you're the father, huh? 395 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,645 And you stuck around. 396 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,941 That's an interesting way to play it. 397 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,567 Okay, I got the check. We can leave. 398 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,237 Not now. I'm doing the father-daughter dance. 399 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,571 May I cut in? 400 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,781 Oh, no, with her. 401 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,410 If you're trying to hook up with me, you're a little late. 402 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,619 That dad just slipped me his room key. 403 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,583 You really do make a lovely bride. 404 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,375 Oh, thanks. You know I have one of those 405 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,420 ham turkeys in my underwear, right? 406 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:34,048 Oh, I thought you were just happy to see me. 407 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,134 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 408 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,719 This is nice. 409 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,096 And that cake really is beautiful. 410 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,597 Thanks. 411 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,099 Wish I could have showed it to.... 412 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,144 -Deke. -Yeah. 413 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,688 So are you really okay? 414 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,272 I know you loved him. 415 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:54,693 I did, which is the worst, because it made me feel almost like a person. 416 00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,947 Max, Caroline. Hi. 417 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,325 I just wanted to say thank you for everything. 418 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,451 And I was watching you guys dance together, 419 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,079 and now I'm thinking I might be into girls. 420 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,708 Can I call you? 421 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,875 -Yes. -No. 422 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,001 Great. 423 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:16,965 What do you mean the bottom of the cake says Radio Shack? 424 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:18,968 That's our cue. 425 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,971 Wait, wait, I haven't thrown the bouquet yet. 426 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,681 Hey, single ladies. 427 00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,057 Here we go. 428 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,478 One, two... 429 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,688 Three. 430 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:34,651 Hey, cake girls. 431 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,109 Styrofoam? 432 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:38,028 It's gluten-free. 433 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,575 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 434 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,308 (English US - SDH)