1 00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,754 I called this staff meeting because lately, 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,881 I've noticed our diner family is drifting apart. 3 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,551 Good work, everybody. Good work. 4 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,260 Yeah! 5 00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,096 Let's start off this powwow 6 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,557 by sharing our highs and lows of the week. 7 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,768 My high was getting a particularly interesting Snapple fact. 8 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,103 And my low was... 9 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,939 Your entire body? 10 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,861 I'll go. My high was finding a barrette in the bathroom, 11 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,321 and my low was imagining my new life without it. 12 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,198 Max, your high? 13 00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:34,659 I certainly am. 14 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:37,621 And my low will be when it wears off. 15 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:41,834 Well, my high was catching a glimpse of a customer's lacy G-string, 16 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,795 and my low was seeing his junk. 17 00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,256 My low is this meeting. 18 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,259 And my high is when it wraps up. 19 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,305 Can everybody take this serious... (THUD) 20 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,682 (GRUNTS) (HIGH-PITCHED) I have a new low. 21 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,936 I have a new high. 22 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:02,646 Me too. 23 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,439 Everybody, please. 24 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,483 Han just clearly injured his vagina. 25 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,570 (THEME MUSIC) 26 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,198 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 27 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,414 (PHONE RINGING) 28 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:29,799 That's not my phone. 29 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,591 My ringtone is "Let It Go," and you know that 30 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,344 because you threaten to beat me every time it rings. 31 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,596 Well, it's not mine. 32 00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:36,972 I keep my phone on vibrate 33 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,890 out of respect for those around me, 34 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,227 and also for little orgasms. 35 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,686 (RINGING CONTINUES) 36 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,854 Max, it's the landline. 37 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:45,897 Oh, God! 38 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,066 Why is it ringing? 39 00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,567 You said that phone only rings 40 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,944 if we're in trouble, or if it's you 41 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,695 calling from the future to tell us we're in trouble. 42 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,201 Ruh-roh. 43 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,287 That's gotta be the landlord. The lease is up. 44 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,248 Fine, we'll just renew it, even though I thought 45 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,000 they would have condemned this place by now. 46 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,710 I mean, I did find a used condom in the hallway yesterday. 47 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:08,837 (RINGING) 48 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,088 -Hello? -No! 49 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,174 Hang up. We're not on the lease. 50 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,717 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 51 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,764 Good cover. Now we just have to hope 52 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,474 the original tenant is a Benihana chef. 53 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:22,935 Okay. 54 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,603 We don't have much time. Quick! 55 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,938 Grab two things you love. 56 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,780 I love nothing in here! 57 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,199 And why are we even trying to keep an apartment 58 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,995 that has grass growing in the bathroom? 59 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,913 I love our toilet lawn. 60 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,206 It's gross. 61 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,542 Max, look at this place. 62 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,670 Our refrigerator door is held on by Scotch tape, 63 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,546 And, I mean, there is black mold in there. 64 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,549 At least the black mold made the other mold 65 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,718 move out of the neighborhood. 66 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:56,843 Come on! 67 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,137 Someone from the real estate company 68 00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,763 is probably on their way over to make sure 69 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,264 the original tenant still lives here. 70 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,765 (PHONE RINGING) 71 00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:05,644 All right, let's ride! 72 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,604 I know a guy that can drop off some fake passports 73 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,022 for us in an airport locker. 74 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,649 Well, you know him too. It's Oleg. 75 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,860 -(RINGING CONTINUES) -Hey! 76 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,403 (POLISH ACCENT) Pick up that phone already! 77 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,490 Sounds like a damn PBS fund-raiser down here. 78 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,242 Sophie, it's the landlord calling. 79 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,662 I just found out we've been subletting illegally. 80 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,497 Oh, well, I always wondered how you girls 81 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,790 could afford to live in this building. 82 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,170 And I ruled out prostitution once I saw Caroline dance. 83 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,968 Good news. 84 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,094 I dug around the apartment 85 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,680 and I found the original lease. 86 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,682 Also found a copy of my birth certificate. 87 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:48,228 Turns out my father's name is "Mother has no idea." 88 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,979 Forget that lease. 89 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,689 I've already found a new place for us. 90 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:56,152 A two-bedroom for 1,300 dollars in Manhattan. 91 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,365 Oh... Manhattan, Kansas. 92 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,324 We can't afford to lose this lease. 93 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,826 As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan 94 00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:06,038 is no longer living there, the rent will get higher 95 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,540 than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad. 96 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,462 So I tracked down this original tenant guy, Lester. 97 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,756 He's still alive. 98 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,341 Ugh. Can't catch a break. 99 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,052 He's at a rest home in Sheepshead Bay. 100 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,389 We just have to go there and kidnap him. 101 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:27,184 We'll tie some Cream of Wheat to a pole and lure him out. 102 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,687 First of all, in what world 103 00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:32,648 do we have Cream of Wheat pole money? 104 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,733 And secondly, I am not gonna go shake down some old man. 105 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,901 You won't have to. 106 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,404 He's probably already shaking. 107 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,115 If you're looking, I know a place. 108 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,908 You share a twin bed with two other girls. 109 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,411 Oh, and there are cameras. 110 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,495 But you're paid 4.99 a minute 111 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,040 and get to meet all the singles in your area. 112 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:53,459 Are you one of the singles in the area? 113 00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,754 Technically I'd be your co-star. 114 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:02,136 Like it or not, we have to hold on to our apartment. 115 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,930 Max is right. There are two things in life you cannot lose. 116 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:09,184 A rent-controlled apartment and bladder control. 117 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,564 Actually, there's an apartment in my building 118 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,981 that just became available. 119 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,608 Stop by tomorrow. You can see it. 120 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,158 This place is 1,200 dollars? 121 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,326 Twelve-fifty. It just went up since we been talking. 122 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,495 We can't fit in here. 123 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,956 I'm not talking about me and you. 124 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,665 I'm talking about me and my boobs. 125 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,336 Nice retirement home. 126 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,920 Why don't we just live here? 127 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,884 Bingo tournaments, unlimited hard candy, 128 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,218 and you get to crap your pants! 129 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,348 Lester? 130 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,932 That must be him. 131 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,894 I don't know who I am anymore, but that must be him. 132 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,396 Hi, Mr. Donovan. 133 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:56,899 Lester? 134 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,983 Max, is he dead? 135 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,987 No, he's alive, but just. 136 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,572 This is so sad. 137 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,740 Look at how we treat our elderly. 138 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,867 Wake up! 139 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,747 I need you to wake up for this! 140 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:15,291 We are currently subletting your old apartment, 141 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,793 and we need you to pretend 142 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,129 you still live there for a day. 143 00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:22,382 Or just to pretend you still live. 144 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,343 Ladies, you're wasting your time. 145 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,345 He can't speak, and he doesn't like girls. 146 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:29,139 He's a vegetable and a fruit. 147 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:31,975 Lester Donovan. 148 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,478 Oh, you're Lester! Oh, thank God. 149 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,812 Listen, Lester, we need you... 150 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,605 I know, I know. You want me to pretend 151 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,649 I still live in your apartment. I overheard everything. 152 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,735 We're not all comatose, darling. 153 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,738 But I'm afraid... it's not gonna happen, girls. 154 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,324 because I got a big week. 155 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,201 My special lady is moving in with me. 156 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,288 Because this guy's not gonna be around much longer. 157 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,874 Eighteen hours tops! 158 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,584 Oh! Here's my princess. 159 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,670 Olivia! 160 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,507 He's still with us. 161 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,466 God bless. 162 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,511 So we'll have to push the move to Monday. 163 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,139 Yeah... About that, Lester. 164 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,850 I'm not ready to move in with you. 165 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,310 Olivia, what do you mean? 166 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,689 Max, we should go. No way! This is like watching 167 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,983 an elder version of The Bachelor! 168 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,528 Literally, the final rose! 169 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,947 Lester, it's not you. It's me. 170 00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,324 That's still in play at their age? 171 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,286 I'm just not ready to settle down. 172 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,540 Too many other fish in the sea. 173 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,750 I know, it's about that new kid on the block, 174 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,586 Morty what's-his-name. It's about Morty, isn't it? 175 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,963 Lester, please. 176 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,755 I don't want it to be weird 177 00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,884 when we see each other at bingo. 178 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,595 You should know this about Morty... 179 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,721 He's not a real man like me. 180 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,682 His middle name is Viagra! 181 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,935 Olivia! 182 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,483 Well, there's no point hanging around here. 183 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,612 I'll just grab my penis pump, and we're outta here. 184 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,574 Why is he gonna need that? 185 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:20,042 Here we are. "Home, sweet at least it's not a rest home." 186 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,670 Lester, not that I minded pushing you 35 blocks, but... 187 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,547 You could walk at the home. 188 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,298 Why can't you walk now? 189 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,384 I'm too depressed to walk. 190 00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:32,053 I've been depressed since I learned to walk. 191 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,556 I mean, I was nine. It was time. 192 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,643 I have just lost the love of my life! 193 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,977 Have you ever made love to a lady with no teeth 194 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,230 and two plastic hips? 195 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,857 I, for one, have not. 196 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:45,817 Max? 197 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:50,197 No. But it just rocketed to number one on my bucket list. 198 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:54,243 I lived here from 1954 to Studio 54. 199 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,536 Liza Minnelli threw up in that corner. 200 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,248 The only time I ever saw anybody 201 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,500 take three bows after a vomit. 202 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,336 Why did you leave? 203 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,837 You always think you're gonna find something better. 204 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:10,384 Yep. The toilet grass is always greener. 205 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,717 (BUZZING) 206 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,470 Okay. That's the building rep, Lester. 207 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,471 Do we need to go over our cover story again? 208 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,307 It's pretty easy. 209 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,809 I'm Carlotta Spaghetta... 210 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,312 mild-mannered pet trainer by day, 211 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,148 hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night. 212 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,317 Lester, only listen to me. 213 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,735 Max is your granddaughter, 214 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,486 and I'm her sober companion. 215 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,947 Which is the only part of our story that's true. 216 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,573 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 217 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:37,576 That's him. Now, just sit and smile and nod. 218 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,080 I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile. 219 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,334 Welcome to my grandfather's 220 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,669 happy, happy home. There's his couch. 221 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:47,712 There's his kitchen. 222 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,922 What's this? 223 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,841 There's his bong. 224 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,217 His bong. 225 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,971 -Glaucoma. -Chemo. 226 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,346 Well, good afternoon. 227 00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:58,849 I'm Roger from building management. 228 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,017 I'm here to verify this lease, 229 00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:03,352 and I'd like to do it before the rest of this doorway caves in. 230 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:07,190 And of course you know my dear, dear grandfather Lester. 231 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:10,192 I just have a few questions, Mr. Donovan. 232 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,736 Have you ever made love to a woman 233 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,947 with a silicone hip? 234 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,740 Amazing! 235 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,995 Okay! I can cross that one off my list. 236 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,871 Hey, girls. 237 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,373 I came through the back 238 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,167 because this junkie's on the front stoop, 239 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,378 and it's still a little awkward between us. 240 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,259 Oh, uh, this is Sophie. She lives upstairs. 241 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,094 As you can see, Roger, no problems. 242 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,429 Everything's totally legit. 243 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:41,099 Hey, who's the old guy? 244 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,561 She lives upstairs, and she doesn't know Lester? 245 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,398 She knows him. This is just a sexual game they play 246 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,275 called "Who are you?" 247 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,820 That doesn't sound like a sexual game. 248 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,322 It is when she's saying it to his penis. 249 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,035 Sophie, this is the guy from the agency 250 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,956 who just came by to verify that Lester actually lives here. 251 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,042 Oh, yeah! 252 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,168 He lives here every day! 253 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:12,172 Yeah, and we've played that game forever. 254 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,841 Who are you? 255 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,303 Come closer. He can't hear you. 256 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,847 I'm feeling better already. 257 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,725 So the main takeaway here 258 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,684 is that they both live in the building legally. 259 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,562 Now, let's just sign that lease. 260 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,438 All right, Mr. Donovan, I just need your signature here, 261 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,566 and this'll lock you into the lease for another four years. 262 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,610 What's your hip situation? 263 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,613 Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby! 264 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:40,241 Now, that's a looker! 265 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,576 -Here you go. -Yep! All done. 266 00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,371 You have the apartment for another four years. 267 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,998 Enjoy it? 268 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,086 Oh, and I'm required to say, traces of cancerous stuff 269 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,422 have been found in some of the apartments. 270 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,506 Have a nice day! 271 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,846 Four more years! Four more years! 272 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,139 We get to stay in the place 273 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,932 I never thought I'd want to stay in. 274 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,808 Oh, Lester, you're up. Feeling better? 275 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,726 Like a million bucks. 276 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,272 I'm starting to feel like my old self again. (CHUCKLES) 277 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,566 Oh, hey. It's been 18 hours. 278 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,400 Let's go see if your friend's dead. 279 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,318 Yeah, Lester. Let's get you home. 280 00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:18,654 What are you talking about? I am home. 281 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,823 What do you mean? This is our place. 282 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,618 Not according to that lease I just signed. 283 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,538 I'll be in my bedroom. 284 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,417 Good to be home! 285 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,128 BOTH: Ruh-roh. 286 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,924 Ladies, this is delicious! 287 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:42,261 (CHUCKLES) You know, at the home they keep salt on lockdown. 288 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,847 Salt and the dementia patients. 289 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:50,269 Well, it doesn't look like bad grandpa's leaving tonight. 290 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,772 Maybe I can help. 291 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:55,900 I can put some ground glass in his Salisbury steak. 292 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,488 It's called a Ukrainian divorce. 293 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,782 Nah... I'll try this Jell-O first. 294 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:05,118 Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him. 295 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,205 Lester, I brought you some Jell-O. 296 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:09,956 -Would you like some? -That's very nice of you, 297 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,417 but I'm not going anywhere. 298 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,879 Lester, really, you don't want to live with us. 299 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,797 Caroline sings so much, 300 00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,966 she should have animated birds on her. 301 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:24,136 Look, there's no way I'm going back to that retirement home. 302 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,847 I feel alive for the first time since... 303 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:30,476 Since I died briefly last year. 304 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,812 Oh, my God, really? 305 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,940 Yes, some nurse tripped over the power cord. 306 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,945 And besides, it's really helping me get over Olivia. 307 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,657 I'm finally realizing there are plenty of other fish in the sea. 308 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,158 Hey, everybody! 309 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,830 And there's one of them. 310 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,750 She puts the "ass" in "bass." 311 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,836 Friend, I'll be in my booth. 312 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,590 Hey, Sophie. You remember Lester. 313 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,717 Lester, you remember when they discovered fire. 314 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,011 Please, please, join me. 315 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,639 May I buy you an egg cream? 316 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:11,475 Oh, I do love an egg cream. 317 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,437 Oh, excuse me, I gotta go powder by nose. 318 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,274 Girls... 319 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,484 Girls, I know you want your apartment back 320 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,068 and I'm a reasonable man. 321 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,905 So all I want before I go is a little you-know-what. 322 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,366 More Jell-O? 323 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,703 I'm talking about sex. Rebound sex! 324 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,581 Rebound sex? 325 00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:36,625 Are you sure you'll even be able to rebound from having sex? 326 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,253 Are you kidding? 327 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,797 There's nothing but sex at that retirement home. 328 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,883 Why do you think I put myself there? 329 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,384 It's wall-to-wall whoopee, 330 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:48,013 and you don't even have to drive home after. 331 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:53,143 Now, I have in mind a certain elegant lady. 332 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,729 Ah! You're out of TP! 333 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,524 You can set me up for one night with your friend, 334 00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,777 and I will gladly leave the apartment. 335 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,278 (CHUCKLING) 336 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,405 I'll be in your booth. 337 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,201 Hey, Sophie, you'll get with that old guy, right? 338 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:13,871 Are you fricking kidding me? 339 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,460 Lester, she didn't go for it. 340 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,169 I'm not going back to that retirement home 341 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,754 with my tail between my legs. 342 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,923 I gotta sleep with someone to make Olivia jealous. 343 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:29,471 There's a new thing that kids are doing called "lying." 344 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,929 Why don't you just make something up? 345 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,932 Pics or it didn't happen. 346 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,102 I need a selfie with whoever I hook up with 347 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,605 for my Facebook page. 348 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,192 And if it's not gonna be Sophie, 349 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:45,945 my guess, it's gonna be one of you two up at bat. 350 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,197 Slugger. 351 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:49,783 Slugger. 352 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,745 (SINGING "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME") 353 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,461 Now I know why Liza threw up. 354 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,136 Now I'm depressed. 355 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:15,725 So you lost the straw pull for who's gonna sleep with Lester. 356 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,312 Look, you've been saying you wanted to have sex 357 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,273 and you've also been saying you wanna go antiquing. 358 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,196 So, behind that door are both. 359 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,533 And, Max, I think you cheated in that straw pull. 360 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,283 Of course I cheated! 361 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,662 Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex. 362 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,498 I once did it with a clown at a funeral. 363 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,210 But I cannot see that penis pump. 364 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,211 I won't be able to come back from that. 365 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,673 You think I can? 366 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:50,719 I do, I think the science part of your brain would enjoy it. 367 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,682 Ladies, I've stretched. 368 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,182 I'm ready. 369 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,687 Fine, I'll take the bullet. 370 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,940 I don't think there are any bullets in that gun. 371 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,361 Are you sure? 372 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,363 Because I don't want to have an old baby. 373 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:13,866 This is ridiculous 374 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,660 that we're even entertaining the thought 375 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,663 of doing anything with an old man that isn't a Trump. 376 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,583 Max, I can't do this. 377 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,791 One of us will just have to take 378 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:23,876 that apartment in Earl's building 379 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,880 and you will find another place. 380 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,257 But then we'd have to live apart. 381 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,968 I know, but I don't see another choice. 382 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,345 I'm not ready to live without you. 383 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:37,432 I'm not ready to live without you. 384 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,351 (SCREAMING) 385 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,486 (SCREAMING) 386 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,322 What? 387 00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:55,657 I saw the pump! Pack your things! 388 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,037 Max, I can't believe you were almost willing to do that 389 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:00,872 to live with me. 390 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,832 You know what, I'm going in. 391 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,085 Because the thought of not seeing you 392 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,798 24 hours a day, seven days a week, would kill me! 393 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,554 We'll meet every Saturday morning for coffee. 394 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,766 Less and less over time, of course. 395 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,353 LESTER: That was a good start. What else you got? 396 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,395 BOTH: Nothing! (DOOR OPENS) 397 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:29,651 Ah, I'm really liking this whole back door thing. 398 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,403 Wow, that's the first time I've ever said that. 399 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,409 Don't get used to it, Sophie. 400 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,118 You never do. 401 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,788 No, I mean, we're gonna have to leave this place. 402 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,582 We couldn't do it with Lester. 403 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,292 I know, that's why I'm here. 404 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,503 You don't have to do this for us. 405 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,131 If you two didn't live in this building, 406 00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,342 then we'd drift apart 407 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,470 and we'd only see each other on Saturdays for coffee. 408 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,307 Well... I'd probably only go once. 409 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:05,811 Look, just give me 90 seconds. 410 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,815 I mean, he's got a pump. How hard could it be? 411 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,817 She's amazing. 412 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,736 We should probably get her something for this. 413 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,195 What would be appropriate? 414 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,655 That good candle under the sink? 415 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:17,865 We've only used it once. 416 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,492 That seems right. 417 00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:25,289 I don't know what that was, but I'm not up to it. 418 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,419 I don't think my heart could take it. 419 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,546 Afraid sex with Sophie would kill you? 420 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,839 Yeah, that's why I haven't gone there. 421 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,593 You know, I was all excited about... about all the... 422 00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:37,885 all the other fish in the sea. 423 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,221 That was a great white shark! 424 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,017 Hey, come on! 425 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,727 I just stretched. I'm ready. 426 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,396 Look, could we get a quick pic? 427 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,107 I might've gone there, too, if I knew he had an iPhone 5S. 428 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,943 -Try to be as sexy as possible. -Okay. Yeah. 429 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,322 (LAUGHS) 430 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,118 When Olivia sees that, she's gonna say, "Morty who?" 431 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,332 Girls, enjoy your apartment. 432 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,125 I had some lovely times here. 433 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,586 -Thank you so much, Lester. -Bye, Grandpa. 434 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,006 Maybe sometime we could come visit you in the home. 435 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,343 Email me. We'll talk. 436 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,136 That's still in play at his age? 437 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,182 Hey, thanks for the blue balls, Lester! 438 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,978 Nighty-night, girls. 439 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,654 Max, we get to stay together! 440 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,905 (GASPS) And even better, 441 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,366 he left his wheelchair! 442 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,826 Push me into the kitchen, I want to crack open a beer. 443 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,705 I wonder if I'll be pushing you like this when you're 70. 444 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,084 You'll be pushing me like this when I'm 30. 445 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,047 There's no place like home. 446 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,632 I'll go get the Scotch tape. 447 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,051 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 448 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,451 (English US - SDH)