1
00:00:00,835 --> 00:00:02,962
It's payday.
And I'm not talking about

2
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:04,921
the delicious little treat with nuts.

3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,968
Han, not cool
to brag about yourself.

4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,721
Here, Max, maybe you can use
the money

5
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,221
to buy a new attitude.

6
00:00:14,974 --> 00:00:16,225
New attitude?

7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,352
Isn't that the name
of the boy band you're in?

8
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,149
And, Oleg, you'll notice
I docked your pay

9
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,234
because you didn't even
come in yesterday.

10
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,445
I told you,
I was working from home.

11
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:31,865
There you go, Earl.
Don't spend it all in one place.

12
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,951
You think you pay me enough
to spend it in two places?

13
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,289
Oh, my God,
this is less than it cost me

14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,832
to get here today.

15
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,375
And I walked.

16
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,088
I know.
That's all I made?

17
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,423
What is this,
"12 Years A Waitress"?

18
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,511
With you, it's more like
"12 Beers A Shift."

19
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:57,223
So many words,
so little everything else.

20
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,895
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

21
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,396
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

22
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,159
-(THUD)
-SEBASTIAN: Whoa.

23
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,453
CAROLINE: Not the face.
Not my beautiful face.

24
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,079
Whoa. Whoa.

25
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:22,625
I warn you,
I was in the Nutcracker Suite.

26
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,251
-What's that mean?
-This.

27
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,960
Oh.

28
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,421
Don't worry, Max,
I handled it.

29
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:31,509
Yeah, I just handled it too.
That's my booty call.

30
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,721
Are you telling me you know him?

31
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:37,014
No, I don't know him.

32
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,057
He just comes over for sex
on Tuesday nights.

33
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,352
Do you need help up?

34
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,270
Not yet,
I'm still crying a little.

35
00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:47,650
Okay, up you go.
Walk it off.

36
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,984
Yeah, I bet that hurts.

37
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,239
Nice going, Caroline.
You ruined the best part.

38
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:57,617
Hi, I'm Caroline, the roommate
and prima ballerina.

39
00:01:58,117 --> 00:01:59,453
Sorry about your sugar plums.

40
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,371
Sebastian.

41
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,915
Ba-Ba-Ba.
No names. No names.

42
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,209
-Caroline, you want a soda?
-We have soda?

43
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:09,921
No, we don't have soda.

44
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,174
Why are you asking him
his name?

45
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,801
He doesn't wanna know my name
and I don't wanna know his.

46
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,594
Hey, mind if I use
your bathroom?

47
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,055
I need to check on the boys.

48
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,431
See if they're girls.

49
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:26,604
How do you not know the name
of the guy you're intimate with?

50
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,897
Intimate?

51
00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,526
Max, there are certain things
you have to know

52
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:33,194
about the guy you're engaging
in sexual congress with.

53
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,156
Only you can make sex boring.

54
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,287
Well, not too bad.

55
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,372
One's okay and the other one
left on crutches.

56
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,292
-Later.
-Sebastian, wait.

57
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:49,545
This is Max Black.
Max, this is Sebastian.

58
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:53,340
-Nice to meet you, Max.
-Yeah, nice to meet you too.

59
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:57,260
And you can just call me
what you usually do. "Oh, God."

60
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,519
Hey, is that a new shirt, Earl?

61
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:09,063
Why, yes it is, Max.
I just got it in 1987.

62
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,568
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

63
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,987
Oh, great.
Look at this text.

64
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,324
It's from the guy
whose sperm count you lowered.

65
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,451
His name is Sebastian.

66
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,538
Oh, he's inviting you
to come see him DJ.

67
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:27,415
Oh, damn it. I told you I didn't
wanna know anything about him

68
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,293
and now I know he's a DJ.

69
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,379
Which means he's unemployed,
so points for that.

70
00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,341
So, what are you
gonna text him back?

71
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,634
Nothing.

72
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,762
The only back-and-forth
I want from this guy

73
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,014
is on his back
and for the fourth time.

74
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:44,807
The best sex is secret sex.

75
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,811
Then maybe don't talk about
it while I'm eating.

76
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:54,192
Well, I have a sexy
secret. A crush on a girl.

77
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,194
Oleg, we all know it's me.

78
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,572
That sweat-pant salute
never lies.

79
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,283
Not you.
Don't kid yourself.

80
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,662
You couldn't handle this beast
in the sheets.

81
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,706
I could totally handle you
in the sheets, Oleg.

82
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,960
What are you fighting for,
Caroline?

83
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,003
Hey, everybody.

84
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,343
All right, weather report.

85
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,636
I just came back from a date

86
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,930
and it's raining losers
out there.

87
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:27,393
There's my sexy, sexy,
secret crush.

88
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,228
Who, Sophie?
Not so secret.

89
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,355
You two have already done it

90
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,231
in every public space in Brooklyn.

91
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,694
Yeah, and your apartment, twice.

92
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,822
What?
We didn't even wake you.

93
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,286
Sophie, baby,

94
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,831
I've been looking
for the perfect woman

95
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:51,959
and it turns out, what I want
is in my own back door.

96
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,045
Backyard.

97
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,380
I think you're both right.

98
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,884
I hear your truck pull up.

99
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,221
But I'm not sure I wanna sign
for your package anymore.

100
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,016
I knew you were going to say that.

101
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:12,646
So as a reminder, I've created
a sizzle reel of our best sex.

102
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,899
So it's an STDVD?

103
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,863
It's the extended version.
Uncut, as you know.

104
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,617
That's it, cancel my brownie.

105
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:28,995
"Sizzle reel"?

106
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,374
I'll watch it tonight
while I eat my fajitas.

107
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:35,043
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

108
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,379
Max, you just got another text
from Sebastian.

109
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,588
Who?

110
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,259
Please, can we go to the club
to see him DJ, Max?

111
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:44,636
I wanna dance.
The last time I shook my booty

112
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,430
was when we ran out
of toilet paper.

113
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,478
Max, thank you so much
for taking me dancing.

114
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,355
Well, you signed that paper
that said if I did,

115
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,231
you'd do the side work
for the next six months.

116
00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,317
Are you sure this is the address

117
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:00,985
of the club Sebastian
gave you?

118
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,237
Who?

119
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,740
Sebastian.

120
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,910
This can't be the address.
It's a Whole Foods.

121
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:10,995
I know what it is. I can smell
the cage-free body odor.

122
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,500
Let's just go in, ask someone
if they know where the club is

123
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,336
and maybe rip a grape
off a stem. I'm starving.

124
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,216
Whole Foods, wow.

125
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,550
Reminds me of when
I was a whole person.

126
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,095
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

127
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,137
Max, we can stop looking
for the club.

128
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:31,350
All right, all right.

129
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:35,062
I'm gonna lay down some beats
while you check out our beets.

130
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,021
Organic.

131
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,274
See?

132
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,528
This is why
I didn't wanna know anything.

133
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,446
You ask a guy his name

134
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,824
and you find out he's DJ'ing
next to radishes.

135
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,286
And what kind of loser
comes here to dance?

136
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,250
Woot! Woot!

137
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,418
Holla.

138
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,795
And I don't mean
the kosher bread.

139
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,553
Oh, no.
How did you find me here?

140
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,389
Whole Foods is my sexy secret.

141
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,891
You know what's not a secret?

142
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,269
The organic Preparation H
in that basket.

143
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,858
Whole Foods is where I come
to get my groove on.

144
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,360
Why?
Is Chuck E. Cheese closed?

145
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,446
As much as I'd love to see

146
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,240
what else you're gonna buy
to rub on your butt,

147
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,285
we're leaving
before that DJ sees me.

148
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,704
You mean "DJ Fresh-and-Local"?

149
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,457
The music be pumpin'
And we buyin' pumpkin!

150
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,254
Let's go. I can't believe
I wore these for this.

151
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:52,389
MAX:
Wake up.

152
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,766
It's Tuesday
and the DJ didn't come.

153
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,312
Maybe he just drank too much.

154
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,733
No. He didn't show at all.

155
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,776
There's no DJ Fresh-and-Local
in my ones and twos.

156
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,197
Well, what did you expect?

157
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,240
You ran out of there
without even saying hi.

158
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,826
We should've stayed at the club.

159
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,495
Stop calling it a club.

160
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:20,167
He DJs at a supermarket,

161
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,420
which is the lamest thing
I've ever seen,

162
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,838
not counting the time you tried
to bring back the phrase,

163
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:27,173
"Oh, no, you didn't."

164
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,761
I'm surprised at you.

165
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,929
What if I judged you
for some of your jobs?

166
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,099
Bar-back slash
captain of a shrimp boat

167
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,351
in the Gulf of Mexico
isn't the bomb?

168
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,730
What about when you worked
at the Gap?

169
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,941
Who told you about the Gap?

170
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,778
You, that time you were drunk,
folding a sweater

171
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,948
and you tried to help me spring
into summer with cargo shorts.

172
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,953
Fine. I fell into the Gap.
I needed the money.

173
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,206
Maybe Sebastian
needs the money, too.

174
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,250
Who?

175
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,043
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

176
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,171
And if you ever tell anyone
about the Gap,

177
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,923
you will have a gap
between your neck

178
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,341
and where your head used to be.

179
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:12,970
Oh, no you didn't.

180
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,768
Hey, I wasn't sure
if it was too late to come by

181
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:23,772
but the Ouija board said,
"Go ahead, the girls are up."

182
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,692
You use that?

183
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,361
The only spirit I listen to
is Two-Buck Chuck

184
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,364
and he mostly tells me
to take my top off.

185
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,534
Yeah, Ouija helps me
make all my big decisions.

186
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,953
Like coming to America,

187
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,789
adopting a Chinese orphan

188
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,543
and leaving a Chinese orphan
at the fire station.

189
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,587
Those boards are creepy.

190
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:50,048
You never know
what you're inviting in.

191
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,009
I mean,
what if we open a Hellmouth?

192
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:57,014
Come on, girls, look around.
I mean, you already have.

193
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,851
Okay, now shh.
Okay.

194
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,229
Ouija,

195
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,566
should I take Oleg back?

196
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,614
Yes?

197
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:19,327
Oh, now, see, that is creepy
because I was shoving it to no.

198
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,789
Do you want
to get back with him?

199
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,833
Well, I'm torn.

200
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,753
And also,
I don't know what to do.

201
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,673
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

202
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,885
Throw your hands in the air
Like you just don't kale

203
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,932
Max, I'm proud of you
for overlooking his job

204
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,642
and giving this guy a chance.

205
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,562
He's making a DJ face. I'm out.

206
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,775
Oh, my God, Dylan.

207
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,028
No, we can't leave now.
I just saw this girl

208
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,365
and she is the last person
I want to see.

209
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,908
-What is the problem?
-It's Hilary Waldare.

210
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,327
We went to Wharton together.
So competitive with me.

211
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,413
Loved it
when I lost all my money.

212
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,081
She even threw a party
to celebrate

213
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,125
and then had the nerve
to invite me.

214
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,169
Worst party ever, by the way.

215
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:14,841
Worse than being at a dance club
that has a price club?

216
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,135
Max Black in the house of grain.

217
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,682
And now he saw me.

218
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,226
Well, I'm gonna go hide
before she sees me.

219
00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,479
I'll be in Tom's Shoes.
Nobody's ever over there.

220
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:35,195
I'm bustin' out some free range
electronic dance music.

221
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,115
That's right.
I'm bringing it in my own bag.

222
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:41,283
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

223
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,037
Okay, we good?
See you next Tuesday.

224
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,331
Come on, stay.
What's your hurry?

225
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,250
I can't watch
any more people dance-shop.

226
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,461
Max, come on. Get in front
of me. See what you can do.

227
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,090
Oh, you're behind me this time.
That's new.

228
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,759
All right, everybody, Frisee,

229
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:02,304
'cause we got a special
guest DJ in the hizzay.

230
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,182
Who's so hot it's radicchio.

231
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,227
Go on.

232
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:12,731
Bob, I'd like to bid $1.
$1, Bob, $1.

233
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,235
Have your pets spayed
or neutered.

234
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,154
Speaking of neutered pets,
here comes Han.

235
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,575
Still counts as a DJ shout-out.

236
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,162
Hey, why wait until Tuesday?

237
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,038
Why don't I take a break
and we can go in the back.

238
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,456
I just need to find someone
to cover me.

239
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,001
Someone bogarted
all the nut butter.

240
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:35,838
How about half of someone?

241
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,643
-Can I help you, miss?
-Max?

242
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,102
What are you doing?

243
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,645
I'm thirsty, broke,

244
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,523
and they cut me off
at the free lemonade.

245
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:54,899
What are you doing?

246
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:58,068
Well, two dudes were getting it
on in the family restroom, so...

247
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,405
-Where's Sebastian?
-Who?

248
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,700
Oh, milk.
Bottom shelf.

249
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,078
What's up?

250
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,668
You're not doing it
in the dairy case.

251
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,630
No, I'm not,
because you won't go away.

252
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,466
Do you have to ruin sex
everywhere?

253
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,259
Well, Max,

254
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,304
if I wasn't lactose intolerant
before, I am now.

255
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,851
Oh, my God, Caroline Channing.

256
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,980
Hi. It's Hilary Waldare.

257
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,566
-Oh, my God. Hi.
-Hi.

258
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,693
I haven't seen you
since your party.

259
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,947
Someone said you left crying.
How are you?

260
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:46,158
I'm great. I mean,
I'm shopping at Whole Foods,

261
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,787
buying some organic fuel

262
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,206
that I'll probably take
a couple sips of in spin class

263
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,624
and then throw away, so...

264
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:56,001
Oh, good, because I heard
you were still poor

265
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,712
and that you were working
as a waitress.

266
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,715
A waitress?

267
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,884
That is insane.

268
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:07,721
That is so insane it should be
in an ice tub in an asylum.

269
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,350
I'm so glad you're great

270
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,644
because when I saw you in those
three-year-old Louboutins,

271
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,312
I got worried.

272
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,357
Also, you have
an orange juice mustache.

273
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,033
-Where's Max?
-Milk.

274
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,538
-Max, listen...
-Busy.

275
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,750
Hilary's still here.
And she called me a waitress.

276
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,126
How dare her.

277
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,461
She humiliated me,

278
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,298
and I didn't even get a party
this time. I'm going home.

279
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,551
MANAGER: Hilary Waldare,
report to register three.

280
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,136
Oh, my God.
Did he just say...

281
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,306
MANAGER:
Hilary Waldare. Register three.

282
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,433
-He did. Oh, my God. Max.
-Busy.

283
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,645
What?
Do you wanna just join us?

284
00:14:56,730 --> 00:15:00,524
Hilary Waldare works here,
as a cashier.

285
00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:01,610
So I win.

286
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,236
Everyone knows
on the job humiliation chain,

287
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:09,283
it goes: prostitute, hostess,
waitress, cashier,

288
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,245
Princess Jasmine in the
Disney Electric Light Parade.

289
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,996
What happened
to not looking down

290
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,206
on other people
with crappy jobs?

291
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,708
Oh, please, this is real.

292
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,251
Now if you'll excuse me,

293
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,963
I have got $14 burning
a second hole in my pocket

294
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,383
and I'm gonna spend it here
at register three.

295
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,845
(SEBASTIAN MOANING)

296
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,221
SEBASTIAN:
Whoo!

297
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,807
What, you couldn't wait for me?

298
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,815
(RECORD SCRATCHING)

299
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,364
This goes out to Kelly
in prepared foods.

300
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,032
The Kelly with the cystic acne,

301
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,076
not the Kelly
with the bald spot.

302
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,038
Now, where my Adele-heads at?

303
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,375
(KNOCKING COIN ROLL)

304
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,168
I'm glad you have no line,

305
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,671
because I have an exclusive
private yoga class to get to--

306
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,254
Oh, Hilary.

307
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:07,801
Yes, Caroline.
I am a cashier.

308
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,470
I'm sorry, a what?

309
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,929
I'm a cashier.

310
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,682
Yeah, turns out things
aren't great.

311
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,351
My husband left me for my dad.

312
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,730
And they didn't even cut me in
on the Lifetime movie rights.

313
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:25,110
It's on in January.
Father is the Bride.

314
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,321
Let me just weigh your salad.

315
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,323
Well, I'm sure you'll pull
yourself together like I did.

316
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,534
Because I'm kind of killing it,
life-wise.

317
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,163
That'll be $28.

318
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,667
There's only $14 here.

319
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,836
$28 for a salad?

320
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,673
Well, that's dinosaur kale.

321
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,591
Oh, mistake.
Didn't want the Dinosaur kale.

322
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,052
Never liked dinosaurs

323
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,053
and really don't like them
in my kale.

324
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:55,432
Dinosaur kale gone.

325
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,892
You're just putting it
on the counter?

326
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,688
Oh, I don't usually shop
for myself.

327
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,231
Is that not how it's done?

328
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,737
Caroline, do you not have
enough money?

329
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:14,116
No, Hilary, I have enough money.

330
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:19,288
I just don't know
why I have so many eggs.

331
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:25,627
Here.
You're holding up the line.

332
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,505
You obviously
don't have enough money

333
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,717
to pay for your salad.
Sad.

334
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,720
I don't know
what you're implying.

335
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:37,222
Here is my very successful
business partner.

336
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,517
Sorry, it took so long.
I couldn't find my pants.

337
00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:43,104
I don't know how they made it
all the way to the loading dock.

338
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,148
Face it, Caroline,
you came here to humiliate me

339
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,026
and you can't even afford
that egg.

340
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,359
On your face.

341
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,782
Miss, did you drop
this $20 bill?

342
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,410
Yes. Yes, I did.

343
00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:01,038
-I dropped some money, too.
-Don't push it.

344
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,375
Thank you, sir.
This is very kind of you

345
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:05,835
and I really appreciate it.

346
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,961
Anything
for my favorite waitress.

347
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,508
Oh, I knew you were a waitress.

348
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,595
Your store sucks.

349
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,807
I just had sex
in your dairy department.

350
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:21,934
Keep the change.

351
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,354
And buy your dad-husband
a wedding gift.

352
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,905
Okay, one more time.

353
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,909
Ouija, should I be with Oleg?

354
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,624
15 out of 15 yeses.
That's still unclear.

355
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,669
Sophie, this is silly.

356
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,878
You know you two
wanna get back together.

357
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:53,298
Caroline, we already have
the Ouija board.

358
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,093
We don't need another thing
around here

359
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,720
that's flat
and wrong all the time.

360
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,099
Fine. Sophie, if it's not me,

361
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,394
after all I've offered you, go.

362
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:08,397
Ask the spirits who the man
you are supposed to be with is.

363
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:14,278
Ouija, please spell out
the name of the man

364
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,446
that I'm supposed to be with.

365
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,116
Oh, look, it's moving.

366
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:26,665
V, A, N...

367
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:28,750
This is what the world
was like before the internet.

368
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,172
...K, O.

369
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,549
Vanko.

370
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,426
Vanko? Yeah, that sounds cute.

371
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,470
Yeah, I like it.

372
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:42,097
I'm sorry, Oleg.
The spirits have spoken.

373
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,767
I'm supposed to be
with someone named "Vanko."

374
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,394
And they know the best.

375
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:50,856
So you're supposed to be
with someone named "Vanko"?

376
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:02,160
"Vanko Oleg Golishevsky"?

377
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,664
I go by my middle name

378
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,417
because there were seven
other Vankos in my family.

379
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:15,798
But I didn't even know that.

380
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,594
Yeah, that means the Ouija is...

381
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,806
Oh, ah...

382
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,183
Yeah.

383
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,603
Oh, no, no, Vanko.

384
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:31,605
No. I-- No. I-- We can--

385
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,607
You and I
can get back together, okay?

386
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,693
But I just can't be here
right now.

387
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,572
No, I mean,
this is just too damn spooky.

388
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,156
(SHRIEKS)

389
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:46,537
I can't wait to tell my brothers
Vanko and Vanko about this.

390
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,833
Ah, ah, ah.

391
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,919
Word on the street is,

392
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:56,506
you've been talking
some smack about cashiers.

393
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,596
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

394
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:12,355
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

395
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,872
(English US - SDH)