1
00:00:00,543 --> 00:00:03,212
Earl, I noticed you're still alive.

2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,798
What's your secret?

3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,007
Well, it's my positive attitude,

4
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,301
a little bit of genetics

5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,012
and knowing
how to take care of your body.

6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,513
I use jojoba.

7
00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,516
What is that, like a lotion?

8
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,643
No, it's a ho named "Hoba."

9
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,771
She comes over once a week.

10
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,443
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,902
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

12
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,494
Max, you just got box
delivered at home.

13
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:38,997
I don't want another box.
I got my hands full with this one.

14
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,877
I used to have so many packages
delivered to my house,

15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,253
my dad had to buy FedEx
just to save money.

16
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,923
I remember a time before mail.

17
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,676
You just didn't get stuff.

18
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,969
Nope. I don't want that.

19
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,804
It's a delivery from my mother.

20
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,557
The last thing she delivered
was me,

21
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,225
and I'm still cleaning up
that mess.

22
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,188
Aren't you at least curious
what she sent?

23
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,564
Unless it's a brand new
childhood, I'm not interested.

24
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,359
Here, Earl, hold Max's box.

25
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,153
But she's like a daughter to me.

26
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,117
Look, Caroline,
I brought in my fish tank,

27
00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:19,329
which Max has been calling
my Olympic-size swimming pool.

28
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,960
See, Han? The world's different
above sea-level.

29
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,301
Now, come over here
and say hello.

30
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,597
I'm saying "hello" to fish now?
That's where I'm at?

31
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,349
You too, Max.
I want my diner family

32
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:40,725
to meet my fish family.

33
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,311
I got an aunt
that drinks like a fish.

34
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:43,646
Maybe she's in there.

35
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,606
Oh, no, she's in jail
for vehicular manslaughter.

36
00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:50,985
Please enjoy
my ecosystem of love.

37
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,239
-(TAPPING)
-Never tap on the glass!

38
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,408
Just look at that meaty paw
of yours.

39
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,078
It's like an earthquake to them.

40
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,873
Oh, there's my prize.
The royal blue tang fish.

41
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:04,959
500 dollars.

42
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,920
Han, I'm not surprised
you have to pay for blue tang

43
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,546
but 500 dollars seems high.

44
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,842
Hey, Han,
Ho Hoba'll do it for 25.

45
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,596
Well, I hope your fish
will be very happy here.

46
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,931
I mean, no one else is
but who knows.

47
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:21,391
Let's go, Max.

48
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:28,274
(OLEG SPEAKING IN UKRAINIAN)

49
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,487
Did Oleg take
Liam Neeson's daughter?

50
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,659
I'm breaking up
with all my ladies

51
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,412
so I can start up again
with Sophie.

52
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,663
And Oksana's not taking it
lying down

53
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,915
or bent over
like she usually is.

54
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,003
Well, I'm sorry
I never got to meet her.

55
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,091
Just tell her that you
and Sophie have decided to be--

56
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,925
What's the Ukrainian word
for "Monogamy"?

57
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,093
There isn't one.

58
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,387
You're either ugly

59
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,055
or you're sleeping
with everyone.

60
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:07,145
No way. Leave it out here.

61
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,771
Let the bomb-squad
figure it out.

62
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,692
Don't you wanna know
what she sent you?

63
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,068
Maybe there's money in there.

64
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,153
(LAUGHS)

65
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,908
So you're just gonna
leave it out in the hall

66
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,409
like a room service tray?

67
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,537
Oh, my God,
I used to have room service.

68
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,831
Oh, my God,
I used to have a room.

69
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,919
Well, I don't want it
in the apartment.

70
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:33,087
This is a place of positive
energy and good vibes.

71
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:36,216
(LAUGHING)

72
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,010
I'm sending it back
to her tomorrow.

73
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:43,389
I will go to my shallow,
unmarked grave

74
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,224
not knowing what's in that box.

75
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,061
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

76
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,480
Hey, Max, you got a box out here

77
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,024
and there's a bear in it.

78
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,444
Oh, my God.

79
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,447
She kept that?

80
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,908
How did my mom ever keep that?
She can't even keep her teeth.

81
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,372
That's what was in the box?
A Teddy Ruxpin doll?

82
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,831
Are you registered
at mustybears.com?

83
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,877
Not a doll and not his name.

84
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,170
I had it legally changed
to "T-Rux."

85
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,589
I used the same lawyer
my mom hired

86
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,091
to declare me Native American

87
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,427
so she didn't have to pay
for parking at the casino.

88
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,639
For six months, I had to answer
the phone, "Max Proudfoot."

89
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,644
You know, in Poland,
we didn't have dolls.

90
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,939
Yeah, we just hired little gypsy kids

91
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,481
and we carried them around.

92
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:37,151
Yeah, mine was called "Gurgio."

93
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,031
Yeah, and I think,
he had a little bit of polio.

94
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,077
Hey, didn't those things talk?

95
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,038
They did if you had four C batteries.

96
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:49,497
Wait, I think I have some.

97
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,042
Yup, they came with this adorable

98
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,502
teddy bear singing cassette,

99
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,838
so of course, I smashed that
with a rock and made my own.

100
00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,841
Yeah, my Gurgio didn't talk.

101
00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:02,677
I'm not sure he had a tongue.

102
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,598
But he used to squeeze me
really tight.

103
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:11,228
And then I found out later,
he was 35.

104
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,444
You had four C batteries
in your nightstand? From what?

105
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,454
Do you wanna hear the bear talk
or don't you?

106
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,415
(CELLPHONE RINGING)

107
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,670
Oh, I'm sorry, girls.
I gotta take this.

108
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:40,340
It's another guy
that I'm breaking it off with.

109
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,800
I sure hope Oleg's worth it.

110
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,387
I just dumped a guy
with multiple personalities.

111
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:52,351
Yeah, and he took it okay,
and not great, and pretty bad.

112
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,399
-There's no note or anything.
-(DOOR CLOSES)

113
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,651
This box is really just
a well of disappointment.

114
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,237
Why would your mother
send you this?

115
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,156
Why would she do anything?

116
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,824
Why would she bite our dog?

117
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,204
Why would she make out
with our jack-o'-lantern?

118
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,538
I don't know.

119
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,584
Well, Max, she did send you
your favorite toy

120
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:16,793
after all these years.

121
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,252
Maybe she's trying
to make amends.

122
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,670
Oh, make amends?

123
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,423
She couldn't even make me
a sandwich.

124
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,634
Okay, you ready?

125
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,636
YOUNG MAX:
I know you are, but what am I?

126
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,680
Oh, my God.
Max, is that you?

127
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,891
Is that your little Max voice?

128
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,896
YOUNG MAX: Careful, I'm about to
open up a can of "Whoop ass".

129
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,149
It is you.
How old were you there?

130
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,319
Ten. "Whoop ass"
was kind of my thing.

131
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,321
Still is.

132
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,990
I mean, I guess I always knew
you were a little kid once

133
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,951
but I couldn't picture it
until I heard that.

134
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,661
Like I couldn't picture me
eating fruit

135
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,745
from an Exxon station
until I did that.

136
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,127
So, are you two ready to order?

137
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,547
Oh, yeah. I'll have
the turkey club with fries.

138
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,714
This is why you're single, Rita.

139
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,137
I'm not single.
I'm married to your father.

140
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,180
I love you, but stop pushing
your lifestyle in my face.

141
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,644
I'll have the salad.
Dressing on the side. Obvs.

142
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,440
Obvs, obvs.

143
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,862
Well, I'm sending T-Rux
back to my mother.

144
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,363
He's going right
into this empty box

145
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,615
I found in Han's office.

146
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,449
And Max,
before you send it back,

147
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,201
I'm gonna need those batteries.

148
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,122
Oh, don't worry,

149
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,875
I have no desire to see you
hugging the milkshake machine.

150
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,254
Oh, my God.

151
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,925
Is that a Teddy Ruxpin doll?
Rita, I want that.

152
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,261
Your birthday just passed,
Elliot.

153
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,805
But my coming out party
is coming up.

154
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,185
What is that,
like a queen-ceanera?

155
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,771
So bitchy. Love her.

156
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,483
A vintage Teddy Ruxpin
is worth like, 500 dollars,

157
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,321
and my mom works,
so she has to buy my love.

158
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:11,240
One more word
and I'm taking away spa day.

159
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,201
That's harsh, honey.

160
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,704
He's obsessed with the '90s.

161
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,372
But you weren't even born.

162
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,917
I know. I blame her.

163
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,752
She couldn't find a man
until late in life.

164
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,713
-There go the pedicures.
-There go my sandals.

165
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,261
As much as I love watching
Will and Grace...

166
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,056
...this guy's not for sale.

167
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,140
I'm sending him back
to my mother's place,

168
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,351
which, according to the
Rhode Island Parole Office,

169
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,145
is a cardboard shanty town
outside of big lots.

170
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,942
Well, here's my card.

171
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,486
And let's face it, you look like
you could use 500 dollars.

172
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,825
So bitchy. Love him.

173
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,538
I was just offered 500 dollars
for T-Rux

174
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:00,999
from Baby Anderson Cooper.

175
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,504
He has cards?

176
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,173
I'm jealous of a nine-year-old?
That's where I'm at?

177
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,677
Hey, as much as I would like
that 500 dollars,

178
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,220
my mother doesn't get to think

179
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,097
this bear gets to make up
for my childhood.

180
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,432
She doesn't get off that easy.

181
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,768
Trust me, we shared
a pullout couch for nine months.

182
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,895
Girls, can I see you over here?

183
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,065
I can't believe we have to talk
to the fish again.

184
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,192
I can't believe Max
hasn't put Han in the tank yet.

185
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,822
Max, Caroline,
every night from now on,

186
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,616
I need you to move the skimmer
along the top of the water

187
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,244
and take out
the floating matter.

188
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:41,123
Han, you know I'm off diner
poop patrol for life

189
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,042
after I had to clean that booth
where the senior left...

190
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,794
Well, we'll just call it
an elderberry.

191
00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,967
Well, Caroline, Max said no,
so you have to do it.

192
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,053
Han, you're kind of a baller
around your fish.

193
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,514
All right, I'm gonna do this
fast. Get in and get out.

194
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,308
Same thing I do
when that bird is in our shower.

195
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,352
-(BELL RINGS)
-Pick up, Max.

196
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,273
Look, I'm calling to tell you
I met somebody else

197
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,649
so I'm breaking up with you.

198
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,152
Now put your mother on.
I'm breaking up with her too.

199
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:19,286
I can't believe this.
I'm a Cabana Boy for fish.

200
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,539
I guess now I can add
"fish poop remover" to my resume

201
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,292
next to "supreme court intern."

202
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,588
I feel like there was a fish
in that last one.

203
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,133
Yup.

204
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,470
Oh, no, it's the expensive one.
That's so me.

205
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,474
I really didn't expect to see
you digging through garbage

206
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,892
until you were 30.

207
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,144
(SHRIEKING)

208
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,313
It's still alive!
I need to keep her wet.

209
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:48,940
Oh, covered in tuna,

210
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,317
that's gotta be traumatic
for it.

211
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,988
(CAROLINE GASPS)

212
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,075
I feel like
it went down the drain.

213
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,244
It was an accident. I swear.

214
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,330
I love fish.
I would never hurt one.

215
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,748
Unless you count eating sushi

216
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,582
because then
I'm like "Jack the Ripper."

217
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,378
Caroline,
are things going swimmingly?

218
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,669
Jack, he's talking to you.

219
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,215
Oh, yeah. Swimmingly.

220
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,676
Especially the blue one.
He went in his little house.

221
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,346
He doesn't like to use
the restroom in front of his friends.

222
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,389
Yeah, we're a lot alike.

223
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,898
Thank you so much
for seeing us so quickly.

224
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,607
Sure, you guys can just wait in here.

225
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,777
Elliot's finishing up with his Pilates.

226
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:38,823
Do yourselves a favor.
Tell him his core looks tight.

227
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,039
Max, I'm so sorry
you have to sell T-Rux

228
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,750
for the fish money because of me.

229
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,961
YOUNG MAX: Talk to the fist
because the face is pissed.

230
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,673
I'm getting attitude from a bear?

231
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:55,841
That's where I'm at?

232
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,885
I can't believe all this stuff
he has from the '90s.

233
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,264
I can't believe he has to have
a party to come out.

234
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,225
That kid came out, out.

235
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,726
His umbilical cord is a Gucci belt.

236
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,399
Oh! These toys.

237
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,734
This is like looking back
at my childhood

238
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,195
but, you know, a time before
rainbows became political.

239
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:21,615
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

240
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,245
A my size Barbie.
I had ten of these.

241
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,080
Not to play with,
they were used as decoys

242
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,124
in case of a hostage situation.

243
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,876
And now your whole life's
a hostage situation.

244
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,837
Sorry, I'm late.

245
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,465
My trainer, Gary,
and I got derailed talking

246
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,258
about The Real Housewives
of Orange County.

247
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,677
-Your core looks really good.
-I know, honey.

248
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,057
Now while I get my check book,
say hello to the Olsens.

249
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:48,851
You got a lot of toys.

250
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,270
When I was a girl your age,
I only had this.

251
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,690
I don't suppose I could play

252
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,692
with my size Barbie
for a second.

253
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,278
I feel like that's a
"No, bitch."

254
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,490
I'm not just talking
about the toys.

255
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,658
You got a pretty sweet set-up.

256
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:04,868
That nice lady out there,

257
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,912
giving you everything you want,
taking care of you.

258
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,623
She's just a mom.
Everyone has one.

259
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,751
Not really. Some people
just have bad ass bears.

260
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,340
Max, are you sure about this?

261
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,674
This is the only thing you have
from your childhood.

262
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,302
Not true, I have a dent
in my skull

263
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:23,761
from a ball-peen hammer.

264
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,765
The last time I change
the channel

265
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,183
during Three's Company.

266
00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:33,104
Can we fast forward this to me
having the bear

267
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,355
and you two leaving?

268
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,482
Okay, just take it,
it doesn't matter.

269
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,027
No, Max. It does matter.
We're not selling this.

270
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,570
He has enough toys.

271
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,114
I mean, all I wanted to do
was touch the life-size Barbie.

272
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,450
Okay, I see what's happening.

273
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,284
I've been down this road
with the Beanie Babies.

274
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,245
I'll give you 600 for the bear.

275
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,163
-Sold.
-No, Max. That's your childhood.

276
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:52,456
-700.
-Sold.

277
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:53,542
No, Max!

278
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:56,211
Caroline, my childhood
is not worth 700 dollars.

279
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,671
The most my mother
ever got for me

280
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,255
was 40 bucks and a Big Gulp.

281
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,591
But that's "little you"
in there, Max.

282
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,009
And she's priceless.

283
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,803
And she's about to erased
and taped over

284
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,346
by the soundtrack from Frozen.

285
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:11,183
Frozen? Who am I?
Me, a year ago?

286
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,395
No. Can't have her.

287
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,274
Well, what are we gonna do now
about the other child?

288
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,316
The one in the diner?

289
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,527
Well, I guess he's just
gonna have to grow up.

290
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,403
Grow up? You think
if he had that ability,

291
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,654
he wouldn't have used it yet?

292
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,576
So what, no bear?

293
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,661
Oh, please.

294
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,413
You'll have a bear in your life.
Trust me.

295
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,212
All right, Max. You're
gonna help me tell him, right?

296
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,715
You like giving him bad news.

297
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,508
No, I like giving him bad news

298
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,176
about how he's short
and has a big head.

299
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,385
You know, fun bad news.

300
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:51,015
Exciting news.
I got the fishies a new house.

301
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,183
I got it cheap.
It was a foreclosure.

302
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,023
Han, can we talk to you
over there in the booth,

303
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,274
the far booth?

304
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,359
Can it wait?
I want to put in the new condo

305
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,736
so Max will stop calling me
a slum lord.

306
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:05,989
Oh, that can wait,

307
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,907
I mean, those fish
aren't going anywhere.

308
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,618
Except for the blue one,
who's definitely playing

309
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:11,244
some kind of twisted game
of hide and seek.

310
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,538
Oh, yeah,
he loves that little house.

311
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,789
He's going to love this one
even more.

312
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,500
Max, can you join me?

313
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,294
I'm pretty busy waiting
on tables right now.

314
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,255
Okay, what's going on?

315
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,674
Max has never waited on a table
in her life.

316
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,261
Max, I need you over here.

317
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:31,056
I'm just putting down
this grilled cheese

318
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,349
because I don't want it
to get cold.

319
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,225
Now I'm freaking out.

320
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,687
Max, don't do this to me.

321
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,813
I know where the bodies
are buried, literally.

322
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,441
I move them every six months.

323
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,068
Well, what is it?

324
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,863
Han, sometimes in life,

325
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,947
things happen
that you don't want to happen.

326
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,283
Yes.

327
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,327
And even though it's hard,
you know,

328
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:56,206
-you just have to face up to it.
-I suppose.

329
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,668
Oh, dear God, this is rough.

330
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,797
And, well...

331
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,673
Han, I don't wanna have
to tell you this,

332
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,342
I know this is the last thing
you ever want to hear...

333
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,677
Oh, just say it.

334
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,804
The tampon machine
is broken again.

335
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,268
Later, I'll get my blindfold
and fix it.

336
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,312
Word of advice?

337
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,855
When you do finally kill me,

338
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,982
you gotta work on your game face
for the cops.

339
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:28,529
Max, please. I can't tell Han
I murdered his fish. I can't.

340
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,155
Well, I can't tell him either.

341
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,533
Oh, hell, I'll tell him.
I'm a black man,

342
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,077
everyone already assumes
I did it.

343
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,164
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

344
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,543
It's just a fish.
He'll be fine.

345
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:44,044
I've decided I'll give Blue
the new house

346
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,713
at its birthday party later.

347
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:50,217
It's the damn fish's birthday?
I'm out.

348
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,806
And you're all invited.

349
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,640
Blue's two years old today.

350
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,183
They don't usually live
that long.

351
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:00,562
No, they do not.

352
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,273
That's it, we can't tell him.

353
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,775
Even at Han's age,

354
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,862
which I am guessing is somewhere
between 14 and 53...

355
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,199
some kids
just aren't ready to grow up.

356
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,784
What are we gonna do?

357
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,411
We're gonna run out
and buy a new one.

358
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:17,746
Where are we gonna get
the money?

359
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,038
Oleg?

360
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,207
You know how two years ago

361
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,125
you offered me 1000 dollars
for a back rub?

362
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,210
Of course.

363
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,171
Caroline will do it
for 500 dollars.

364
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,883
Deal. One last hurrah.

365
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,800
Over the clothes,
above the waist

366
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,761
and I don't know why,
but you have to wear a condom.

367
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,188
Yes, Father Dominic
Rosello, please.

368
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,856
Oh, he's celebrating mass?

369
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,358
Oh yeah, could you just tell him

370
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:52,070
that Sophie Kachinski
is converting to monogamy?

371
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,576
And... she won't be kneeling
at his altar anymore.

372
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,580
Oh, yeah, yeah,
he'll understand.

373
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,542
Where's Han and does he know?

374
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,962
No, but I can't keep
pretending I see that fish.

375
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,340
I'm a pot-head
with a touch of glaucoma.

376
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,259
I'm seeing stuff
that's not there.

377
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,221
Not seeing stuff that's there.
It's confusing.

378
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:20,391
Okay. Come on, come on.
Put it in, put it in, put it in.

379
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,434
I have a whole new
respect for every guy

380
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,978
that's ever gone out with you.

381
00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,897
HAN: Happy birthday, Blue

382
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:31,402
Happy birthday
Happy birthday, Blue

383
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,739
Where's Blue?
I haven't seen her all day.

384
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,575
I just saw it.
Yeah, it was definitely there.

385
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,701
You're not gonna give Blue
that cupcake

386
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,163
without a photo-op, are you?
Where's your iPad?

387
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,874
I just saw it.
Yeah, it was definitely there.

388
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,709
Yeah, Han, go.

389
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,670
You need a pic
so you can post it on Facebook

390
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,087
or Fishbook or whatever.

391
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,548
Good idea.
Here, hold this.

392
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,300
Hey, Caroline,
you look less flat.

393
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,761
You finally get that boob job
you needed?

394
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,808
I feel like the baggy broke.

395
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:07,271
Yup, that's what happens
when you get the cheap implants.

396
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,692
Oh, my God, there is definitely

397
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,317
something moving
around in my bra.

398
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,820
Well, it's good you can still
recognize that feeling.

399
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,907
It's right-- (SHRIEKS)
Oh, I touched it. Gross.

400
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,326
Someone, put your hand in my bra
and help me.

401
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,746
Why now?
Now that I'm off the market.

402
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:26,164
No, no, no.

403
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:28,667
I'm afraid I'm gonna squish it
and kill it again.

404
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,422
Okay, just get up on the counter
and drop it in the tank.

405
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:34,923
What?

406
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,094
Get up on the counter,
spread your legs

407
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:40,637
and just let it fall
into the tank.

408
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,517
You know what?
Forget the back rub.

409
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,019
After this, we're square.

410
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,230
Okay, straddle the tank,
pull out your uniform

411
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,648
and let it go.

412
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,401
Now I owe you money.

413
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,323
Just squat over the tank

414
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,199
like you're delivering
a fish baby.

415
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:06,079
I'm delivering a fish baby?
This is where I'm at?

416
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:09,291
Stop asking.
That's where you're at.

417
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,086
(WINCES)

418
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,971
Okay, now that I saw, right?

419
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,478
Caroline, get down.
It's not that kind of party.

420
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,736
Max, you're really
still gonna send T-Rux back?

421
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,278
After we got bullied by a kid

422
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,948
with a Tiffani Amber Thiessen pillow?

423
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,785
Relax, T-Rux is right over
there by the register.

424
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,037
And by the way,
he's our first employee.

425
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,704
Anytime we get
a bone-head customer,

426
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,832
he can say, "Talk to the fist,

427
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,167
-...because the face is pissed."
-Because the face is pissed.

428
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,878
I'm just sending my mother
something to say thank you

429
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,173
for everything she gave me
when I was a child.

430
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,174
-What's in there?
-Nothing.

431
00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,555
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

432
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:09,102
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

433
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,163
(English US - SDH)