1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,879 Earl, can I borrow your paper? I wanna check my whore-o-scope 2 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:06,048 to see if I'll still be a whore in the future. 3 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,051 All right, who wants to go first? 4 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,970 Ooh, do me. Do me. Do me. 5 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,888 Can we have one night at the diner 6 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,849 that doesn't end with you yelling that at a woman? 7 00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:20,271 All right, I'll go. "Gemini, The Twins," 8 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,606 and they're both doing fine, so let's move on. 9 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,150 Han, what sign are you? 10 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,486 I'm guessing the 40-year-old Virgo. 11 00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,489 Max, you don't need that paper. 12 00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:32,115 I'll tell you what's in your future. 13 00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:34,743 Using my name as a reference at Chipotle. 14 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,789 You guys really believe in that crap? 15 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,125 They just tell you what you wanna hear. 16 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:45,045 "You will be rich. You will be famous." 17 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,963 You'd think I'd buy a newspaper if it said, 18 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,299 "You will be a 75-year-old cashier"? 19 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,345 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 20 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,765 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 21 00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:05,024 Okay, ready to open? 22 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,400 Never have been, never will be. Let's do this. 23 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,570 Wait. We have to do our business affirmation. 24 00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:14,700 Please, God, don't let us be murdered in here. 25 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,536 All right, let's open them up. 26 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,873 -Oh, hell no. -Max. 27 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:24,210 Hang on. I wasn't done. Oh, hell no. 28 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,879 Oh, she's yarn-bombing that bike. 29 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,090 It's whimsical. It's new. It's stupid. 30 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,593 Graffiti, I get. 31 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,805 I see, "Die, bitch, die," on a wall, 32 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:39,390 I think, okay, this gentleman wanted to get that off his chest. 33 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,520 But this yarn-ival is pathetic. 34 00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:44,896 Yo, yarnie. 35 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,817 I have a name. It's Guinevere. 36 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,236 Yep, that checks out. 37 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,489 What's happening over here? 38 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,198 Why are you molesting that poor bike? 39 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,325 Well... 40 00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,743 ...I am beautifying the city 41 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,996 one living, glorious work of art at a time. 42 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,165 And tips are always appreciated. 43 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:06,918 Here's a tip: 44 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,671 Go back to school and learn a trade 45 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,465 before Daddy's money runs out. 46 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,842 Well, I never... 47 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,468 Worked a day in your life, we know. 48 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,097 You think this is artwork? 49 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,015 Artwork is a Garfield mug, sweetheart. 50 00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,894 You got Garfield in a hammock, saying, 51 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,603 "I'm not overweight. I'm under-tall," 52 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,605 I'll build you a gallery right here. 53 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,693 Look, you should move on. 54 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,236 My friend doesn't want you-- 55 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,737 How shall I put this? 56 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,615 Taking a giant knit in front of our shop. 57 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,828 What is the problem? It is not even your bike. 58 00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,829 It's been chained here for, like, four months. 59 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,414 Oh, yeah? 60 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,709 Maybe it is our bike 61 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:51,713 and we use it for deliveries and to trap nerds. 62 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,301 Peace out, ganja beer, before I knit you a noose. 63 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,098 Max, that was a great idea. 64 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,600 What, that she go back to school? 65 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,728 I know. At least a couple night classes, right? 66 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:06,937 Get around some people. 67 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,649 She's a lost cause. Let's move on. 68 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,276 I'm talking about us doing deliveries. 69 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,986 Why do we never deliver? 70 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,281 Speak for yourself. I've delivered. 71 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,370 Seriously, Max, those delivery services, 72 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,788 Eat24, Grubhub, do big business. 73 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,792 No one wants to go out now. People are so lazy. 74 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,752 I don't really feel like it. 75 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,838 Seriously, Max, all we have to do is slap 76 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,424 a delivery charge on that product, 77 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,635 and suddenly, a five dollar cupcake is bringing in more money. 78 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,387 And do you know what more money means? 79 00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:42,264 No. How would I know that? 80 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,937 Okay, question. 81 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,229 Which of these goes better with no pants? 82 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,026 I don't know. They're both timeless. 83 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,236 As in, there's no time you should wear those. 84 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,115 You can't be objective. 85 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:02,367 You're like a kid in a candy store. I'll ask Max. 86 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,830 Well, the red one kind of matches your rash. 87 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,250 I think we have a winner. 88 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:14,128 So, why are you trying out the fancy mesh tonight? 89 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,757 Well, even though Sophie and I are getting back together, 90 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,550 we wanted to make it special and hold off 91 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,261 on the sexual part of the relationship until tonight. 92 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,137 -That is so sweet. -OLEG: I know. 93 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,975 I haven't even masturbated since right before I came in here. 94 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,483 So, Chestnut, I was buying some rolling papers at the Bodega 95 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,485 and I hope this is cool but I said they were for you. 96 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,740 Max, I have good news and bad news. 97 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:45,244 The bad news is, this is the only good news I've had in three years. 98 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,204 And the good news is-- 99 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,665 You found yourself a new apartment? 100 00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:54,211 Don't toy with me, woman. Speak plainly and clearly. 101 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,754 Did you find a new apartment? 102 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,382 Close your eyes. I'll give you a hint. 103 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,300 Last time I was told to close my eyes, 104 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,803 I woke up in a bikini on a garbage barge. 105 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,807 P.S. Closest I ever got to a vacation. 106 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,937 (BIKE HORN HONKS) 107 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,189 Oh, you're dating a clown? 108 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,317 Please, you know I would have told you 109 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,112 if I was dating someone who had a car. 110 00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,283 Look, it's the abandoned bike from in front of the shop. 111 00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,910 It was the bike from the front of the shop. 112 00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,872 Now it looks like a contestant on RuPaul's bike race. 113 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,832 We're gonna use it to make deliveries. 114 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,377 I already signed us up for three delivery services. 115 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,795 -Still crazy smart. -Waste of time. 116 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,091 Amazon's got drones and we've got one gay bike. 117 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,218 I don't wanna do deliveries. 118 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,305 I got this. You bake, I'll bike. 119 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,723 And while you bike, I'll get baked. 120 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,560 I'm just gonna knock out these three "delivs" 121 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,019 and I'll meet you at the cupcake shop. 122 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,064 -"Delivs"? -You like "delivs"? 123 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,024 It's an "abbreve" I made up for deliveries. 124 00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,069 You like "abbreve"? It's an AB I made up for abbreviation. 125 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,197 I'm gonna make this short. Get out. 126 00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,490 Hey, everybody. 127 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:11,079 -Sophie, what do you think? -Good for you, Caroline. 128 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,040 I've been saying that you should hop 129 00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,834 on something pink and ride it since I met you. 130 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,836 (BIKE HORN HONKS) 131 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,759 SOPHIE: Max, I'm so glad you're alone 132 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,595 because I need some girl talk. 133 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,471 Okay, but the last time I did girl talk, 134 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,098 I got three dollars for the first minute 135 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,850 and a dollar for each additional minute. 136 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,812 No, it's about Oleg. 137 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:38,106 Last night, he was unable to... 138 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,983 Oh, what's a nice way to say this? 139 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,862 He couldn't get his soldier to stand at attention 140 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,949 and his penis wouldn't work either. 141 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,327 Well, have you tried buying 142 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,788 a Cosmopolitan magazine or something? 143 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,706 They usually have advice on sex stuff 144 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,375 and how to hate your body. 145 00:06:58,584 --> 00:06:59,545 Max... 146 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,673 ...you don't think it could be me, do you? 147 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,634 No way, Sophie. You are hot. 148 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,514 The first time Oleg saw you, his soldier not only saluted. 149 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:11,682 It exploded. 150 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,519 You're right. I am hot. It's all him. 151 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,439 Remember when I said you didn't have to do deliveries? 152 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:21,692 You're gonna have to do deliveries 153 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,985 because I only went two blocks, 154 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,778 and I'm sweating like Shia LaBeouf at a DUI checkpoint. 155 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,119 Okay, you deliver. I'll open the window. 156 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,120 But first, business affirmation. 157 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,625 Please, God, don't let us get pistol-whipped in here. 158 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,550 It's either that Guinevere or Spiderman came out. 159 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,807 Caroline, can I talk to you about a private matter? 160 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,058 By which I mean the matter is my privates. 161 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,519 Okay, but hurry, Oleg. 162 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,189 I'm in the middle of a dream catcher situation 163 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,564 and it's a nightmare. 164 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,942 And why me? 165 00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:05,735 Because I trust and respect you 166 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,906 and I feel like you know your way around a limp penis. 167 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,826 Maybe. 168 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,706 I talked to my therapist, Roy, you know, down at the Starbucks. 169 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,752 He told me it's all mental. 170 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,377 We didn't get much further than that. 171 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:26,005 He spilled a grande mochaccino on his sandals. 172 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,925 You're probably just scared. 173 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,011 Intimacy is so hard for some guys, 174 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:33,096 it's not hard for some guys. 175 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,015 Yeah, that's all over my head. 176 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,354 Oh, no, Max forgot the order slip. 177 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,230 Oleg, I'm sure it'll all work out. 178 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,774 Good luck getting your penne al dente. 179 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,195 Again, over my head. 180 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,495 -Max, what are you doing? -What are you doing? 181 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,580 What am I doing? 182 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,624 Well, I think I'm watching you shove our delivery bike 183 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,417 into the back of an Uber car. 184 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,378 Well, this is uber-awkward. 185 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:07,673 Come on, come on. In or out. 186 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,466 All right, Caroline, this is Milesh, with a "K." 187 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,510 He doesn't go to the airport, 188 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,804 and he once drove some of Maroon 5. 189 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:16,514 So Maroon 3. 190 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,518 No, stop. Caroline. 191 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,812 If you want me to deliver the cupcakes, 192 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,398 I can't use the bike, I have to use the car. 193 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,942 Why? Oh, my God, are you pregnant? 194 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,154 You ask me that every day and almost every day I say no. 195 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:36,158 Look, I wanna tell you, but it's a secret. 196 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,995 And you can't tell anybody. 197 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,870 Do you seriously think I would ever tell anyone 198 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,289 anything about this life? 199 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,582 Right. 200 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,503 I don't know how to ride a bike, okay? 201 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,171 You don't know how to ride a bike? 202 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,548 Max doesn't know how to ride a bike? 203 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,426 Damn it, Caroline. 204 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,594 (LAUGHS) 205 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,429 Max doesn't know how to ride a bike. 206 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,847 Oh, happy day. 207 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,765 I finally have something over her. 208 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,644 There is a God, and he's laughing at her too. 209 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:08,191 Lordy, this is harder to watch than Jim Carrey in a drama. 210 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,485 (LAUGHS) 211 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,908 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 212 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,661 Max, are you up? 213 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,081 What's that smell? Did you bring home Greek food? 214 00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,750 No, that's me. 215 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,046 That's how you smell after you ride a bike 216 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,591 all over Williamsburg delivering 14 orders of cupcakes, 217 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,801 and I do not wish to smell like this again, 218 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,636 so you have to learn how to ride that bike, all right? 219 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:40,514 Who do you think you are busting in here 220 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,768 smelling like hummus but having no hummus? 221 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,977 What is the problem? 222 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,937 Didn't your mother ever teach you how to ride a bike? 223 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,024 No, my mother was too busy being the town bike. 224 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,650 Well, then I'll teach you. 225 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,821 Nope. Never getting on a bike. It's one of my three nevers. 226 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,033 Yes, well, your first "never" was, "never having a blonde roommate." 227 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,870 You are chipping away at me piece by piece, lady. 228 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,666 I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. 229 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,710 I'd sit on your bed but that's your third "never." 230 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,298 When I was little, there was this kid, Tommy Doonan. 231 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,841 Nice kid, solid hopscotcher. 232 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,136 Used to give me his Fruit Roll-Up at lunch every day. 233 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,056 Max, did he give you these Fruit Roll-Ups, 234 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,890 -or did you take them? -Don't interrupt. 235 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,602 One day, Tommy Doonan got a new bike. 236 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,398 He was out front with this nice, older man 237 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,107 who looked just like him. 238 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,650 You mean his dad? 239 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,364 Is that what they call them? I assumed it was a predator. 240 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:42,869 So, anyway, I was making fun of him because he seemed happy. 241 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,373 I thought that was our thing. 242 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,292 And he started showing off, doing wheelies and stuff, 243 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,668 to put me in my place, 244 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,754 but then he flipped up over the handlebars 245 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,424 and came down hard on his face. 246 00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,553 Sad, but not worth me having baklava pits. 247 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,972 Well, wait. 248 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,975 After I stopped laughing 249 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,644 and the man picked him up and hugged him predator-style, 250 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:13,066 I saw Tommy's teeth had busted through his cheek. 251 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:17,528 To put it plainly, his mouth was on the outside of his face. 252 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:19,822 Ew. 253 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,283 That's like something out of a horror movie, 254 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,701 like Bike of the Living Dead 255 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,953 or Texas Bike Chain Massacre or... 256 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,456 Well, that's probably enough. 257 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,710 Every time I see a bike, I think of his little face 258 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,921 and his little teeth chomping out the side of it. 259 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,173 He had to eat apples like this... 260 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,884 (MAKING FUNNY CHEWING NOISES) 261 00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,636 Max, you are not responsible for that. 262 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:46,765 Yeah, I know, and one out of the 12 jurors agreed. 263 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,351 Thank you, number six. 264 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,315 Anyway, it freaked me out, so good night. 265 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:57,277 No, Max. It is not going to work that way. 266 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,736 You're learning how to ride a bike. 267 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,030 I'm already on one painful cycle. 268 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,740 I don't wanna get on another one. 269 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,159 Max, I have access to Tootsie Rolls 270 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,537 and if you get on a bike, I will give you four. 271 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,123 -What am I, a chimp? -Five. 272 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,416 Let's go. 273 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,758 Don't look so smug, Chestnut. 274 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,301 You don't know how to ride a bike either. 275 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,886 Come on, Max, just out here in the alley. 276 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,890 -Oh, hell no. -What? 277 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,018 -MAX: She's been back here too. -Who? 278 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,269 Guine-queer. 279 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:35,273 There's so much yarn-bombing, it's like craft-ganistan. 280 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,234 Max, let it go. 281 00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,236 Stay focused. Get on the bike. 282 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,865 No. I don't wanna eat apples out of the side of my face. 283 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,826 -Come on. Let me teach you. -Nope. 284 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,328 -Want a Tootsie? -You know I do. 285 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,831 I mean, you taught me how to be poor. 286 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,459 You're getting really good at it. 287 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,962 Come on. You know what they say about riding a bike. 288 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,381 It's like riding a bike. See? 289 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,966 It's fun, see? 290 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,635 Whee! Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee! 291 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,888 You got a real pretty mouth, Caroline. 292 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,847 Can't wait to see it on the side of your face. 293 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,600 At least just get on the bike. 294 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,186 You don't even have to go anywhere yet. 295 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,312 -Nope. -Want a Tootsie? 296 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,815 -You know I do. -Go. 297 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,277 What is this bar doing here? 298 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,528 I have no use for a bar that can't get me drunk. 299 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,739 Okay, walk the bike over there 300 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,740 and lean against the car to get your balance. 301 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,369 Just check and make sure there's no one around. 302 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,578 Why do you care? 303 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,913 The only people out here this late 304 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,789 would be rapists, murderers, and freaks. 305 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,375 You know, your peeps. 306 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:38,836 What the... 307 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,215 -Hey, girls. -Sophie? 308 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,759 What are you doing in that car alone? 309 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:52,767 Oh, a dark alley at three A.M.? Has money gotten that tight? 310 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,812 Yes, but that's not why we're out here. 311 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,272 I'm teaching Max how to ride a bike 312 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,940 and it's pretty hard. 313 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,150 Oh, yeah, I wish I had that problem. 314 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,193 I'm dancing with a rope in here. 315 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,197 We're trying some exotic, new locales for our love-making. 316 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,409 It's exotic because this isn't even our car. 317 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,123 We better hurry before that rabbi comes back. 318 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:19,251 Maybe try barking at it again. There was some movement earlier. 319 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,337 (SOPHIE BARKING) 320 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,923 Come on, Caroline, teach me how to ride this thing. 321 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,509 I got to get away from Temple Gross Shalom 322 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,969 as fast as possible. 323 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,056 Okay, I'm gonna get behind you and hold on to your seat. 324 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,140 Not without three Long Island iced teas 325 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,268 and one, "Your butt looks good in those jeans." 326 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,019 -Tootsie? -Yeah. 327 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:41,649 -Max, don't look. -Yarn-bombing? 328 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,692 -HAN: Hey, Max. -Han? 329 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,653 I'm just riding my bike to the bike store 330 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,072 to buy more bikes. 331 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:51,408 Is that Han or Lance Armstrong's runaway testicle? 332 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,994 HAN: Sorry, couldn't hear you. 333 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,205 I was too busy knowing how to ride a bike. 334 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,667 Damn it. Now I got to do this. 335 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:02,003 You know how quickly society will crumble around us 336 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,254 if Han starts feeling like he can freely tease me? 337 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,465 Let's go. 338 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,174 -You sure? -Yep. 339 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,592 Making fun of Han is one 340 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,552 of my two free sources of entertainment. 341 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,721 The other one is located right above this bar. 342 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,057 Okay, I'll keep my hand on the seat 343 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,268 and then when you're ready, tell me and I'll let you go. 344 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,604 Okay, but don't let go until I say so. 345 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,981 -Okay, let go. -Already did. 346 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,609 I'm riding a bike? 347 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,818 Max, look out! Pothole! 348 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,195 (CLANGING) 349 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,490 (GROANING) 350 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,076 There goes my other free source of entertainment. 351 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,081 -Tootsie? -Yes, obviously. 352 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,921 -(BELL RINGS) -Table ten. Pick up, Max. 353 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,008 Yeah, be right there. 354 00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,052 Like, you know, in a month. 355 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,514 Max, how you doing? 356 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,975 I heard about your vag-accident. 357 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,186 Look, if you need to see a doctor, 358 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,897 my cousin in Florida is a good one, 359 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,276 but then again, the bumpy bus ride might kill you. 360 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,028 No, no, it'll be fine, Earl. 361 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,196 I'm icing it. I just have to keep it cold. 362 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,580 We're out of ginger ale. 363 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,335 I think you mean the ginger ale is out of you. 364 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,672 Max, let me get that for you. 365 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,465 I feel like it was kind of my fault. 366 00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:30,633 "Kind of"? 367 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,219 Was Lincoln's death kind of John Wilkes Booth's fault? 368 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,971 -(BELL RINGS) -Pick up, Caroline. 369 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,723 How'd it go with Sophie? 370 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,976 Were you able to do the thing, you know, the man does 371 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,978 while the woman makes shopping lists in her head? 372 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,775 Shh. Come on. I don't want anyone to know I can't get it up. 373 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,902 Oleg can't get it up? 374 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,281 OMG. Oleg can't get it up. 375 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,035 Best week ever. 376 00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,077 Hey, everybody. 377 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,083 -What's up? -Not your boyfriend. 378 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,378 If anyone needs me, 379 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,548 I'll be outside riding my bike with an erection. 380 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,471 Oh, no, no, no. He didn't hear it from me. 381 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:20,849 I only told two people. Max and my manicurist, Ming Wa. 382 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,977 And you don't have to worry about her 383 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,063 because she doesn't care about anything 384 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,272 except loving some guy named Long Time. 385 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:34,780 Sophie, baby, this is hard. 386 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,700 Yeah, maybe we better not try to be serious. 387 00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,161 I mean, the real truth is, 388 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,497 I only like you for your penis anyway. 389 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,333 Say that again. 390 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,877 What, that I only like you for your penis? 391 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,505 One more time. 392 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,174 Well, what, that I don't have any real feelings for you? 393 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,260 That it's completely sexual 394 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,012 and I only like you for your big, stupid penis? 395 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,058 I'm back, baby. Sophie, can I see you in the kitchen? 396 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,729 And we better hurry. I'm making three-minute eggs. 397 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,148 Cancel my eggs. 398 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,779 I would've so left during that whole conversation, 399 00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:18,782 but I'm holding a can of Dr. Pepper between my legs. 400 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,702 What? He's a doctor. He's seen it. 401 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,163 Well, I think we're pretty much even. 402 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,334 Your legs are a little sore and I'll never have children. 403 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,170 So I guess what I'm saying is thanks. 404 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,967 So you really don't wanna get back on the bike? 405 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,175 You're just gonna give up? 406 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,761 I bet even Tommy Doonan got back on the bike. 407 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,431 Whatever happened to him? 408 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,348 I caught up with him on Facebook. 409 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,934 Well, more like really-messed-up-face-book. 410 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,769 He's happily married. 411 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,147 I bet right now he's driving his car, 412 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,273 looking straight ahead 413 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,817 and smiling at his wife in the seat next to him. 414 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,905 So that's it for deliveries? 415 00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,991 Oh, you can deliver wherever and whenever you want, 416 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:04,328 but there is no way I am ever getting on that bike again. 417 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,498 Max, look. Guinevere. 418 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:13,296 Oh, hell no. She yarn-bombed our darn barn. 419 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,259 You two should've tipped. I'm an artist. 420 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,803 Eat my stitches, bitches. 421 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,598 That was not whimsical at all. 422 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,185 Give me the damn bike! Knit's about to hit the fan! 423 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,608 Max, you're doing it. 424 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,402 What happened to your fear of bikes? 425 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,489 I guess the only thing stronger is my hatred of that nerd. 426 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,953 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 427 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:50,458 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 428 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:11,395 (English US - SDH)