1
00:00:00,793 --> 00:00:02,335
I'm Max. I'll be your waitress,

2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,129
because they don't do
background checks here.

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,799
You'll be our waitress.

4
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,592
I never guessed that
based on the uniform

5
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,385
and name tag that says "Max."

6
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,348
You know I make,
like, three dollars, right?

7
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,727
I realize that's a lot of money
in the 1920s

8
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,060
where you two are from.

9
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:23,565
Here, open this and bring us
two clean glasses.

10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,109
Sure, Not-So-Great Gatsby.

11
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:29,321
Hey, OJ and Nicole.

12
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,784
Rude snobs at table ten.
You know what that means.

13
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,537
-Wine swap?
-Let's roll.

14
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,084
Hey, Oleg, I need one
of those two dollar merlots

15
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,085
you get from your cousin
with the hole in his neck.

16
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,588
Caroline, price check.

17
00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:50,759
Oh, Chateau Pavie, 2008.
Very expensive.

18
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,511
But, hey, we deserve it.

19
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,639
Here, better let it breathe.

20
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,223
It was in my gym bag.

21
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:00,435
Not a problem.

22
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,228
This vintage pairs well
with jockstrap.

23
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,192
Do you think waitresses did this
to me when I had money?

24
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,650
Only if you had an attitude.

25
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,278
-So that's a yes.
-So that's a yes.

26
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,114
I can't remember
if this reminds me

27
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,659
of an old heist movie I saw

28
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,037
or an old heist
I actually participated in.

29
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,414
I know.
We're like Ocean's 7-11.

30
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,376
All we're missing
is a tiny Asian guy

31
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,170
who can fit into small boxes.

32
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,379
Hello.

33
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,801
Table ten is looking
for their wine.

34
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,301
Oh, not a problem.
Coming right up.

35
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,180
What did you do?
Why is she smiling?

36
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:38,973
Are my pants on fire again?

37
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,020
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

38
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,438
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

39
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,325
-(RAT SQUEAKING)
-Oh, yeah, take that, sucker.

40
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,537
Max, when I said we need
to move the cupcakes,

41
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,206
I didn't mean through the air
at a rodent's head.

42
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,293
Hey, he ran up the window,

43
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,878
so it's kind of a
stand-your-ground situation.

44
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:10,756
(THUD)

45
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,009
Okay, we're on a time-out.
He's eating my ammo.

46
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,054
Max, business is down again,

47
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,848
and the only phrase
I've said more than that is,

48
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,890
"Please, God,
take me in my sleep."

49
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,477
I mean, it's clear.
Not getting ahead.

50
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,478
Oh, is that what your mood
is about?

51
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,274
You're not getting any ahead?

52
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,985
'Cause I can take care of that
with one call.

53
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:32,652
You are not hooking me up
with that guy

54
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,739
who's listed in your phone
as "Oral Redenbacher."

55
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,492
Max, this is our future.

56
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,579
We need to get serious
about making money.

57
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,872
Absolutely.
Let's leave early.

58
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,543
"Leave early"?
Who are we, Congress?

59
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,671
Do you think other business
got successful by leaving early?

60
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,924
No, they did it
by hiring illegals

61
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,634
and moving
their bank accounts offshore.

62
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,013
We can't leave early.

63
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,223
The sign says
"Open until 2 a.m."

64
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,641
Well, I'm open
to getting a new sign

65
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:04,810
that says "closed."

66
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,312
I mean, are we supposed
to just hang around here

67
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,481
and wait for whatever nut jobs
are trolling around town?

68
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:11,817
Hi, girls.

69
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,655
Guess what Oleg and I
are going to do

70
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,449
that will probably give me
Hep C.

71
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,367
A three way with Tommy Lee?

72
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:26,456
No, silly.
We're getting matching tattoos.

73
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,501
We want something that
represents our relationship.

74
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,961
So maybe two butterflies
doing the nasty

75
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,671
during CSI: Miami.

76
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,800
Wow, you two,
his and her tats.

77
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,552
Romantic and will help
identify the bodies.

78
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,639
Sure,

79
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:45,558
you know, matching tattoos
are the deepest expression of commitment.

80
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,561
Well, matching tattoos

81
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,437
and pooping
in front of each other.

82
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,734
I'm not gonna do
it in front of my man.

83
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:57,236
I poop at McDonald's
'cause I'm a lady.

84
00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,366
Thanks for the cupcake.

85
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,242
We really have
to start charging her.

86
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:06,080
Charge her with what,
first-degree man-settling?

87
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,498
Max, as I was saying,

88
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,459
it's time to get serious
about the business.

89
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,336
Absolutely.
Let's leave early.

90
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:17,216
What? Last night after one o'clock,
we made only 15 dollars, right?

91
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,841
14.63.

92
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,345
What? Math is my thing.

93
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,262
Would you roll your eyes
if you were standing across

94
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,223
from Eminem
and he started rapping?

95
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:27,768
Yes.

96
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,980
I'd be all, "Dude, you're 60.
Sit on a porch swing."

97
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,901
Okay, look, here is 15 dollars.

98
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:39,196
That'll cover what we'll
probably make. I'm leaving.

99
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,197
You're just gonna leave me here?

100
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,242
Yup, I'm leaving
as soon as I get my change back

101
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,826
from that 14.63.

102
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,163
Fine, just tell me
how much that is.

103
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,665
Or maybe sooner.

104
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,713
This is a very big day for me.

105
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,091
Why, because of this totally
out-of-the-blue order

106
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,259
we got to do cupcakes
for this business seminar?

107
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,971
No, the first time I've entered
a Sheridan through a door.

108
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,766
Usually it's by window
or freight elevator.

109
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,019
And one time, I rolled in

110
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,062
under some girl's
quinceañera dress.

111
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,108
The seminar's about to start.

112
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,778
I have unclaimed name tags
for Pamela, Ellen...

113
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,697
What kind of losers
would come to this?

114
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,699
...Max, Caroline.

115
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,535
I wouldn't call us losers.

116
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,995
Are you here?

117
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,622
Okay, so there is
no cupcake order.

118
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,624
I signed us up for this seminar.

119
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,793
I carried cupcakes
on a subway for nothing?

120
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,465
The annoying woman next to me
talked the whole time.

121
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,177
I was sitting next to you, Max.

122
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,305
Look, I knew
you wouldn't come otherwise

123
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:48,514
and you need to be here.

124
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,310
This is a business intervention.

125
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,062
It's not an intervention.

126
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:55,605
Max, your behavior lately

127
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,941
has affected me
in the following ways.

128
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,694
I can't believe this.

129
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:01,944
At least
in my other interventions

130
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,279
I was drunk.

131
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:07,283
We need to do this seminar.
Gordon Kepper is a genius.

132
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,077
He's gonna give our business
a real bump.

133
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:10,788
Guys giving me a bump

134
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,040
is why they threw me
that second intervention.

135
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,166
Let's go.

136
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,127
Oh, okay. See you.

137
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,295
So this is your new thing, Max?

138
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,588
You're just gonna walk out
on me?

139
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,382
Actually, it's an old thing.

140
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,384
In fact,
it's kind of a family tradition.

141
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,887
I learned it from my father,
whoever he is.

142
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,432
Come on. It's just two days.

143
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,894
Two days? No way.
No freaking way.

144
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,396
There's a buffet
and a dessert bar.

145
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,605
Ooh, okay.

146
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,235
Wait here, I'll go pay.
I brought some cash.

147
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,403
And they'll take an expired
Target gift card, right?

148
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,531
Oh, we are not paying.

149
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,824
Here. Here, Pamela.

150
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,494
Follow Ellen
to the freight elevator.

151
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,704
No way, Max.
We are not sneaking in.

152
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,706
-How much is this thing?
-1000 dollars.

153
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,707
We're sneaking in, Ellen.

154
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:01,713
Now, you all are here today

155
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,173
not only to find out
what you are as a business

156
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,677
but to find out who you are.

157
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,180
I'm a lady hoping there's
macaroni and cheese at that buffet.

158
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,225
Who are you is your brand

159
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,725
and saying that a brand
is simply a name

160
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:18,187
is like saying, "Abraham Lincoln
is simply a name,"

161
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,440
or, "Mahatma Gandhi, God."

162
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,944
Who does this guy think he is?

163
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,115
I'm sure you're wondering,
"Who does this guy think he is?"

164
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:31,869
Okay, that was weird.

165
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,745
And maybe this seems weird.

166
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:37,456
I've got chills.

167
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,127
When it comes to business,
people come to me all the time.

168
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,838
They say, "Gordon, business
is hard but I do what I can."

169
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,175
And they shrug.
Now, is that the right attitude?

170
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,718
-No.
-Yes.

171
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:53,682
To those people, I say,
"Don't do what you can.

172
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,183
Can what you do."

173
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,896
Don't do what you can.
Can what you do.

174
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,146
Get it? Do you get it?

175
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,564
-Yes.
-No.

176
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,985
-You did not get it.
-Shh.

177
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,403
Everybody, reach under your chairs
and pick up what you find there.

178
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,113
Hope it's a way out of here.

179
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,202
Koosh balls?

180
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,454
Inside those cans,

181
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,706
you will find the key
to success in your business.

182
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,084
Not unless the key
is Rosie O'Donnell's career

183
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,461
before her buzz cut.

184
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,673
Truth. That's the big secret
to business.

185
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,884
If people buy
what you're saying,

186
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,970
they will buy
what you're selling.

187
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,722
Max, stay alert.
This could go to cult like that.

188
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,225
I like to think of those things
you're holding

189
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,726
as my truth balls.

190
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:48,028
Screw this.
Let's get to the meatballs.

191
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,780
Anytime in the next two days,

192
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,365
one of you is up here
selling you something

193
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,201
that you feel is just bull.

194
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,245
Then toss it--

195
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:59,163
Max! I mean, Ellen.

196
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,000
Yeah, baby.

197
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,672
That is what I'm talking about.

198
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:09,091
Whoever threw that is not afraid
to really go for it,

199
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:12,594
and that will go a long way
toward success in business.

200
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,596
All right, cool, but is it
a long way to the buffet?

201
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,264
Because I am starving.

202
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:20,351
Okay, everyone.

203
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,144
Consider these small groups
you've broken into

204
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,688
as little think tanks.

205
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:27,275
I need you to work together
and bring out your very best.

206
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,527
(SNORING)

207
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,028
-Max.
-Don't blame me.

208
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,365
Blame the heavy cream
at the fettuccine bar.

209
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,326
Alfredo must be Italian
for "roofie."

210
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,246
So, Ellen,
tell us what you have

211
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,748
and I'll tell you what we think.

212
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:44,625
Oh, Ellen. That's you.

213
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:47,712
Oh, yes, yes, that's me.
I'm Ellen.

214
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,548
Definitely an Ellen.
See, I dance.

215
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,304
Okay.

216
00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,308
Okay. Okay, now it's weird.

217
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:02,977
So, Ellen...

218
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,065
...let's hear your B.B.B.

219
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,567
Your brilliant business brand.

220
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:13,447
Uh, um-- I--

221
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,323
I don't do the talking.

222
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,658
Pamela does the talking.
Pam?

223
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,702
Thanks, Ellen. Hello, everyone,
my name is Pam...

224
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,455
Panning,

225
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,666
and what my partner, Ellen,
was trying to say is,

226
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,336
we making very beautiful
artisan cupcakes.

227
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,546
Yeah, but they're still cool.

228
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,088
I never said they weren't cool.

229
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,341
Yeah, maybe
they just didn't sound cool

230
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,842
coming out of your face.

231
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:40,974
I'm sorry, but at least actual words
are better than "uh, uh-uh, uh..."

232
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:44,602
Ladies, hold.
Sometimes in business

233
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,606
partners' ships will sail
in two different directions,

234
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,274
so you two need to find out

235
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,860
if you're gonna continue
to sail apart

236
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:54,111
or if you're gonna change course

237
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:57,032
and reconvene at the port
of mutual understanding.

238
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,534
Well, we can't sail
too far apart

239
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,162
because I'm definitely
gonna have to explain

240
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,663
what you just said to her.

241
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:06,875
I got it.

242
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,336
I'm a boat, and I'm trying
to get away from you.

243
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:11,879
Sounds right to me.

244
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,841
Think it over.

245
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:16,759
Talk it over
with your first mate.

246
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,386
(CHUCKLES)

247
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,139
Come back tomorrow

248
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,974
and tell me
who your business is

249
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,809
and I'll help guide you
toward that purpose.

250
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,520
And remember, you can't spell
purpose without--

251
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,230
-Puss.
-Okay, wow.

252
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,275
Gordon, her boat's kind of
in shallow water right now,

253
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:35,153
but we're gonna go away,
get it together

254
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,114
and come back
and blow you away.

255
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,240
And you can't spell
"blow you away" without--

256
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,491
Our ship's leaving.

257
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:45,996
Oh, hello.

258
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,749
Welcome to the
Williamsburg Diner.

259
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,961
Can I get you anything,
like a work ethic?

260
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,881
Han, this is adorable
but we're busy.

261
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,509
We're pitching
our business brand tomorrow

262
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,219
and Max and I need
to get on the same page.

263
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,679
Yeah, we don't want to work here
the rest of our lives.

264
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,557
Well, now we're all
on the same page.

265
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,019
Han, just give us ten minutes.
Then we'll get to work.

266
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,980
Well, I've waited four years.
What's another ten minutes?

267
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,609
Max, I have to say
I was a little thrown

268
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,193
by that thing you said today.

269
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,071
What, that the best sex
I've ever had

270
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,780
was alone
on the Tilt-A-Whirl?

271
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:23,659
No, why would that throw me?
You say that every day.

272
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,788
No, that thing about me
not sounding cool.

273
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,416
Why would that throw you?
I say it every day.

274
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,586
Yes, but not about the business.

275
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,796
So what was it?
The word "artisan"?

276
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:38,841
Okay, first of all,
it sounds like fart-isan.

277
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,304
As in, "A fart is in this room
right now."

278
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,267
Somebody finally called you out
on it, Caroline.

279
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,480
So, I was thinking
our slogan could be,

280
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,734
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Sugar and Spice."

281
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,693
I'd rather go with Fart-isan.

282
00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,488
Really, Beavis?

283
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,740
What does your business partner
Butthead think?

284
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,366
Our business isn't working.

285
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,828
Well, guess who is working.
Me, the damn owner.

286
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,332
Why are you surprised?

287
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,710
You know how many cupcakes
we're not selling.

288
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,086
I mean, you're secretly eating
at least six a night

289
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,797
to make me think
we're selling more.

290
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,008
Also because I'm sad.

291
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,846
Look, I know you went to Wharton
and all, but--

292
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:27,890
Wait, what's happening?

293
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,436
Is this a business intervention
on me?

294
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:35,981
From someone who pronounces
the word business, "bidness"?

295
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,693
Why are you giving me
the big eye-painting face?

296
00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,238
You knew the business
wasn't working.

297
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,490
Well, I don't hear you coming up
with any ideas.

298
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:44,865
That's because you don't listen.

299
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,451
Remember when I said
we should stop making

300
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,826
all these flowery cupcakes

301
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,578
and just make ones
that say mean things

302
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,413
like "eat it" and "lick me"?

303
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,375
Your big business plan

304
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,961
is cupcakes that say "eat it"
and "lick me"?

305
00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:00,840
And other funny things like
"loser" or "eat your feelings."

306
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,384
Why not just shoot people
in the face

307
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,844
when they come to the window?

308
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,138
And I thought the back
of our T-shirt

309
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,432
could just say, "cream filled."

310
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,437
So funny if, like,
a hot girl was wearing it.

311
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,148
And even funnier
if it was a fat guy.

312
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,610
Okay, maybe, like Gordon said,

313
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,489
our partner ships are going
in different directions.

314
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,365
My sugar and spice ship
is going one way,

315
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,744
and your mean and ugly
booze cruise is going another.

316
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,330
So how about tomorrow,
I'll sail my ship

317
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:34,707
and you can sail yours, Ellen.

318
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:38,378
Done. And, Pam, I know
you think your ship don't sink

319
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,671
but it does.

320
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,346
So, Hannah, Todd, go.

321
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:52,225
Tell us, who is your business?

322
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,644
We make guitar case suitcases.

323
00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,399
Yeah, they're suitcases
that look like guitar cases

324
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,902
so you can look cool
at the airport.

325
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,989
So far, no truth balls.

326
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,408
That means we believe
you're telling some truth

327
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,619
of who you are.
Business is always...

328
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,455
Okay, Ellen.

329
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:17,125
So what, their big idea is just
throwing your crap in a guitar case?

330
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,168
Well, it's no fart-isan cupcake.

331
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:21,837
Todd, Hannah,
did you get together

332
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,965
with our graphic artist
to help create a logo?

333
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,424
Yes, we did.

334
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,634
We stayed up all night,

335
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:29,428
and to be honest,
it got kind of weird.

336
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,682
That's our logo,

337
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,436
and our company's called
I'm With the Band.

338
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:43,777
Back off!
She just got out of rehab!

339
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:49,573
Business is not for the faint
of heart or coke addicts.

340
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:52,911
Next up,
we've got Ellen and Pam.

341
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,287
Let's give 'em some love.

342
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,373
Max, you're really not
gonna go up there

343
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,956
and sell your idea
as a business plan.

344
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,001
Yup, and I feel pretty good
about it.

345
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:02,961
Okay, well,
then I hope you enjoy

346
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,923
lots of balls in your face.

347
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:08,092
If I didn't at Burning Man,
I doubt I will here.

348
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,096
Gordon, hi.
As you predicted,

349
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,514
today we'll be presenting
our brands separately.

350
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,600
Okay, looks like we have us
a brand off, folks.

351
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:17,894
This is exciting.

352
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,063
I am feeling it!

353
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,025
Ellen, I know you're not used
to being alone.

354
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,778
Neither was I,
hence wife number three.

355
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:29,739
Don't rush.

356
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,740
Take some time
to get yourself centered.

357
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,286
Yo, yo, yo.
What's happening, Sheridan.

358
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:39,081
Ellen in the house.
Let me hear some noise.

359
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,918
Yeah. Oh, all right, all right.
We got some haters.

360
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,211
That's cool.

361
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,587
Ellen, did you design a logo?

362
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,091
Sure did.
Show it, player.

363
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,970
George, she's talking to you.

364
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,890
Oh, good impact.
Boom, cupcake business.

365
00:16:57,182 --> 00:17:00,269
But where's the name
of your business?

366
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:04,773
Oh, I didn't want one.
I just wanted it to be cool.

367
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,318
So let me get this correct.

368
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,363
You want to make T-shirts
for your business

369
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,074
with no business connection.
Okay.

370
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,868
This is your journey,
but it might end here.

371
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,372
No, no, no, see, it's a cupcake,

372
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:24,001
and we sell cupcakes
so that's the bidness.

373
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:28,213
Okay, you know what?
Screw this.

374
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,592
That T-shirt is way cool

375
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,218
and if you can't see it,

376
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:37,015
this seminar is so not worth
the $1000 I paid.

377
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,557
Peace out.

378
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,144
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

379
00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:45,315
In business,
we call that a meltdown.

380
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,275
It happens.

381
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,569
So why don't we bring up
Ellen's former partner, Pam.

382
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,529
Let's give Pam
a round of applause.

383
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,574
Max, I don't have
to go up there.

384
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,741
Come on, we can just leave.

385
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:59,369
Oh, look who wants to pack up
their guitar suitcase and go.

386
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,829
You know what?
I was only leaving

387
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,290
because you failed.
I believe in my ideas.

388
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,961
Good afternoon.
Hello, hi.

389
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,006
I represent
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

390
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,300
I'm gonna stop you right there.
Why Max's cupcakes?

391
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,303
Why not Ellen's or Pam's?

392
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:18,681
Well, Max was...

393
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,851
Max is this very special person

394
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,269
and the inspiration
behind our whole business.

395
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,816
Got it. So Max is an emotional
touchstone for you and your business.

396
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,983
Yes.

397
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,778
GORDON:
Valid. Go on.

398
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,072
Great. So the logo...

399
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:36,615
George.

400
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:42,038
This is our current company logo
and I feel it works just fine.

401
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:46,750
I mean, if it ain't broke,
don't fix it, right? Okay.

402
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,256
Well, the cupcake shows
a mix of sweet imagery

403
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:52,632
because we're two girls trying

404
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:54,800
to retro-repurpose the phrase

405
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,929
"Sugar and spice
and everything nice."

406
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,849
Hey, hey, hey!
Leave Pam alone!

407
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,934
I'm fine, Ellen.
They can't shut me down

408
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,144
because I believe in us

409
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,145
and our special brand
of artisan cupcakes.

410
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,397
Why?

411
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,234
No! No! No!

412
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:17,323
No! No! Give me!

413
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,201
Eat it, you losers!
Eat it, eat it!

414
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,872
I see
the truth balls have stopped.

415
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:28,250
It looks like
"Eat it, eat it, you losers,"

416
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:30,086
might just be your brand.

417
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:36,342
You two are a combination
of sugar and spice

418
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,219
and things not so nice.

419
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,846
GORDON:
Speaking of truth,

420
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,097
I need you to pay Sandra
for the seminar.

421
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,308
As much as I admire your pluck,

422
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,310
twelve trips to the pasta bar
aren't free.

423
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,980
-Come on, Pam.
-Yeah, let's go, Ellen.

424
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,441
I'm Ellen.

425
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,450
Guess what I have under my coat.

426
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,160
Well, I know
it's not a boob reduction.

427
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,579
What do you think?
Cool, huh?

428
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:08,708
Aw, man, somebody
already makes that? Oh, bummer.

429
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:11,251
This is like when I thought
I invented chip-wiches.

430
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,087
Should've known.
I was eating one at the time.

431
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,758
No, Max, this is your shirt.

432
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,426
I got the rendering from the
seminar and had it made at

433
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,554
We Can Make Anything
In Under An Hour.

434
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,263
You know, that place
under the bridge

435
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,974
near the underage bar
where you got under arrest.

436
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,020
No way. Oh, no way.
That's hot.

437
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,356
I know, and a girl at the place
asked me

438
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:33,691
where she could get one.

439
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:35,026
Really?

440
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,944
Kind of in love with myself
right now.

441
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,530
Hey, what made you change
your mind about the T-shirts?

442
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,157
Well, one of the things
I learned at Wharton

443
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:45,494
is that success depends on
staying open to a better idea,

444
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,663
-even if it's not yours.
-Aw.

445
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:50,875
And here. I thought you'd rather
a black one.

446
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,126
On Tinder and in life.

447
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,882
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

448
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:05,181
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

449
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,615
(English US - SDH)