1 00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:04,129 Okay, Max. How would you describe our apartment? 2 00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:05,506 And I've already ruled out 3 00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:09,051 worse than that girl-pit in Silence of the Lambs. 4 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,096 Well, at least she had some silence once in a while. 5 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,599 Look, no one's gonna pay money to rent this dump. 6 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,018 We haven't in six months. 7 00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:20,855 Everyone else in Williamsburg is making money 8 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,231 renting their crappy places on Airbnb. 9 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,484 It's all how you describe it. So let's start lying. 10 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,864 This is a fantastic idea and I really wanna do this. 11 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,284 "First question: Describe your neighborhood." 12 00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:37,287 Run-down with a bunch of rats. 13 00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:41,417 Old-world charm. Pet-friendly. 14 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,045 "What type of people live there?" 15 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,631 Junkies, whores, homeless. 16 00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:50,009 Actors. 17 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:54,345 "Do you have a hot tub?" Sometimes. 18 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,640 -"Gym?" -Two. 19 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,435 Gay Jim upstairs and straight Jim across the hall 20 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:01,978 who's only gay when he's drunk. 21 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:06,858 "When is your space available? Always, sometimes, one time." 22 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,527 Just like our sex lives. 23 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,862 Always for me, sometimes out of boredom 24 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,406 and one time for you. 25 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,159 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 26 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,495 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 27 00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:27,962 Earl, guess what Max and I did. 28 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:31,966 I know what you didn't do. Clean this dessert carousel. 29 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,179 There's a Napoleon in here since Napoleon. 30 00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:38,515 We rented our apartment on Airbnb. 31 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,308 You rented to Arabs? 32 00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,478 Well, good luck getting it back. 33 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,439 They tend to be a tad territorial. 34 00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:51,027 Airbnb is an agency that rents to out-of-towners 35 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,656 and I'm guessing local men cheating on their wives. 36 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,950 -Well, I did it. -I know. 37 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,453 When you were 18 with Prince Harry. 38 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:01,831 Or so you say. 39 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,542 We have three offers for our apartment. 40 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,920 How? Let me rephrase that. How! 41 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,006 I found the perfect sales pitch. 42 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:13,175 Stay at the place where dreams die? 43 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,680 Have the authentic Williamsburg experience. 44 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,431 You mean getting clumsily felt up 45 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,850 by a guy who looks like he came from the gold rush? 46 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,770 Anyone can stay at a hotel. 47 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:27,105 But how often can you say you went to New York 48 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:30,985 and stayed at a Brooklyn bohemian barn apartment 49 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,819 with a live-in horse? 50 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,406 Girl, you are good. 51 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,449 So now we just have to pick who gets our apartment. 52 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,703 A guy looking to get away from it all. 53 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,454 That's a suicide. 54 00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:45,915 You're right. We lie, they lie. 55 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,586 A married couple looking to reconnect. 56 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,628 Murder-suicide. 57 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,966 And finally, a girls' getaway weekend 58 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,550 for some fashion model friends. 59 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,218 A couple of chubby girls 60 00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:00,389 looking to murder some pints of Ben and Jerry's... 61 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,475 with maybe a "sui-side" of mac and cheese. 62 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,437 Hey, everybody. 63 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,109 Ho-ho. 64 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,985 Yeah, the temperature be droppin' 65 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,195 and the bitches be nippin'. 66 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:20,241 -I need a hot chocolate. -I'm right here, Sophie. 67 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,913 And I'm right here, Earl. 68 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:26,706 I mean, I get it, but bro code, man. 69 00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:32,795 Well, big news. I'm going on a trip. 70 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,506 Mushrooms or acid? 71 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,675 I'm going to Vermont. 72 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,179 You're gonna be gone? 73 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,264 Would you mind letting us stay upstairs at your place? 74 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,640 We're renting out our apartment. 75 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,683 You're renting out that dump? 76 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:50,855 Oh, are they filming Survivor at your place? 77 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:01,282 So when are these losers arriving? 78 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,700 They're not losers. 79 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,036 They're just girls paying us 80 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,080 to have a fun weekend in our apartment. 81 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,539 What losers. 82 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,336 Now, that is a hand that's scooped some ice cream. 83 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:22,262 Hi, are you Caroline? 84 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,430 Oh, my God. They really are models. 85 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,685 -Hi, I'm Lily. -Shoot! Now I'm gay. 86 00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,814 Lily? As in Lily Aldridge? 87 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,481 -And I'm Martha. -Hunt? 88 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:36,485 Martha Hunt and Lily Aldridge? Max, do you know who they are? 89 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,569 Sure do. 90 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,029 This one is the girl that I leave this one for. 91 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,034 No, Max, they're all Victoria's Secret models. 92 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,036 Yeah, we all wanted to hang out in New York 93 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:48,538 before we leave for London. 94 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,206 We're doing a fashion show there. 95 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,377 I worked at Victoria's Secret at the mall for one day. 96 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:56,463 Got fired for eating Panda Express over the thongs. 97 00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,175 This is Max. I'm Caroline. I used to be rich. 98 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,886 I just felt like I needed to say that. 99 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:07,098 And these are our friends, Petra, Gabriella and Rina. 100 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,891 Hi. 101 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,060 What are the odds? 102 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,562 You're all named after Columbus's ships. 103 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,692 Come in. Welcome to The Williamsburg Experience. 104 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,528 It's bigger than it looks in the photo. 105 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,240 Well, I shaved of a couple of inches for the photo. 106 00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:25,158 You know the drill. 107 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,952 So why the hell are you staying here? 108 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:30,538 Is this training for when your looks run out? 109 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,709 Look. The kitchen is so cute. 110 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,838 Question: How do you walk the runway blind? 111 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,925 It's just that we stay at the same Four Seasons all the time. 112 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,553 Well, you will experience at least two seasons here 113 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,430 because the thermostat's broken. 114 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,185 It's 40 outside and 100 in here. 115 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,480 So as advertised, this is our sauna. 116 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,274 And our bohemian barn's right out that door. 117 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,526 Just follow the temperature drop. 118 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,156 Max, super models are staying at our apartment. 119 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,742 It's so exciting, I wanna tell all my friends. 120 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:10,079 I guess I just did. 121 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,209 I see you met Chestnut. 122 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,086 That's his real mane, not extensions. 123 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,547 Also per our ad, a charming skylight. 124 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,007 In case you wanna sit under the stars 125 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,468 and have a little peace and quiet. 126 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,555 Hey, girls. Come up already. 127 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,975 I wanna get to my college reunion. 128 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,978 Can you believe it's been ten years? 129 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,816 Wow! Time sure does lie. I mean, fly. 130 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:42,110 MARTHA: You talk to your neighbors? 131 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,071 I talked to my neighbor once and the next thing you know, 132 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,406 I have this long letter from Naomi Watts saying, 133 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,033 leave my husband alone. 134 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,870 So we've known each other like five minutes already. 135 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,372 Where's my free bra? 136 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,500 I mean, all that's left of this one is the frames. 137 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,168 Trust me, it's like a burlesque show under here. 138 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,425 Sophie's apartment is amazing. 139 00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,887 It looks like an Easter bunny banged a Golden Girl. 140 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,268 That was some showerhead. 141 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,478 I'd marry it, but it's already attached... 142 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:18,396 to the wall. 143 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,074 -Max? -Here. 144 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,076 This bed is like being in the womb 145 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,288 without all the second-hand smoke. 146 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,624 Martha and Lily were super-sweet. 147 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,043 So exciting to be back hanging with celebrities. 148 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,670 Yeah, and maybe now you can get a new celebrity story. 149 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,173 I was getting really tired of hearing 150 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,716 how someone thought you were Gwyneth Paltrow from behind. 151 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,677 Still flattering. 152 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,973 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 153 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,851 Laughter? Coming from our apartment? 154 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,769 What do you think they're laughing at? 155 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,607 Probably found our account balance on an ATM slip. 156 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,233 I bet Martha said something funny. 157 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,569 She's hilarious. 158 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,278 You know, for someone who's so pretty, 159 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,488 she never had to develop a personality. 160 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,324 I'm gonna go see. 161 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,826 Max, give me a shove. 162 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,622 This is good practice for the eventual cliff. 163 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,625 (IGGY AZAELIA'S BLACK WIDOW PLAYING) 164 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:29,343 -Beers and wings. -Beers and wings. 165 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,427 MODEL: Now it's a party. 166 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,679 Max, you know how when it gets hot down there, 167 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,807 we just sit, sweat and point the fan at our junk? 168 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,852 They do it a little differently. 169 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:44,106 They are dancing in their underwear, drinking beers. 170 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,484 So? 171 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,568 The guy on the corner does that all the time. 172 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,491 -Cheers. -Cheers. 173 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,081 I can't take my eyes off those beers. 174 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,708 Hey. Hi, you guys. 175 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:10,133 You wanna come down and have some beers and cool off? 176 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,009 Be right down. 177 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,721 Now, I wish I had those wings, I could get down there faster. 178 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,066 Okay. So, what is this big news? 179 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,567 Did the health inspector find out 180 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,070 that the imitation crab meat is cat? 181 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,907 Technically, it's imitation cat, 182 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,741 but that's not what we're announcing. 183 00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:38,077 I'm here. And make this snappy. 184 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,246 -I'm in the middle of something. -Puberty? 185 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,960 No. I was on a call with Ripley's Believe It or Not 186 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,379 to inform them that you still work here. 187 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,130 And they didn't believe it. 188 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,384 Okay. We have some friends coming in for a meal 189 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,386 and we don't want you guys to embarrass us and overreact. 190 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,346 Darling, I don't overreact. 191 00:09:57,431 --> 00:10:00,433 I'm 70-something years old with a history of heart trouble. 192 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,436 I keep it in check. 193 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,772 Hey, Max, Caroline. 194 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,735 And I keep my heart pills in my pocket. 195 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,989 Excuse me, much as I enjoy the view, 196 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:18,118 I really want that 100th birthday shout out from Al Roker. 197 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,496 Yes, they're Victoria's Secret models 198 00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:23,749 and our friends. 199 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:26,293 Last night we all stayed up late trashing Kate Moss. 200 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,836 Models in my diner. 201 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,173 Oh, no. I wore the wrong sweater vest. 202 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,259 You also wore the wrong face, body and personality. 203 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,513 Max, let's go say hi. How do I look? 204 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,182 Like a waitress. 205 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,642 Damn it, it's the waitress uniform, isn't it? 206 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,147 -What's up, homies? -What's up, homie? 207 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,481 I love my life again. 208 00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,859 Well, it's been a whole day since we met 209 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,903 -so where's that free bra? -Max. 210 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738 What? This one's on its last legs. 211 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,615 Last night I heard it coughing. 212 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,408 Could also use some new underwear. 213 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,409 Mine are running on fumes. 214 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,413 I just texted David. He's coming. 215 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,166 This is going to be an amazing party. 216 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,667 -Party? -MARTHA: Yeah. 217 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,378 -We're having some friends over. -Cool. 218 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,796 -Yeah? -Yeah. 219 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,131 And like Max said, cool. 220 00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:16,717 Jeez, pull it back. 221 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:19,638 You're acting needier than Sofia Vergara on a red carpet. 222 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,519 Big fan. Big, big fan. 223 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:30,023 Compliments of the chef. My specialty, popsicles. 224 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,402 I find they taste best when sucked slowly, 225 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:36,028 using plenty of tongue, facing the kitchen. 226 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,078 I can't believe we're not invited 227 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,663 to the biggest party in our apartment 228 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,457 since those ants found your jelly beans. 229 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:49,793 Yoo-hoo! 230 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:55,381 Hi, so we're just up here hanging out. Doing our thang. 231 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,342 Sorry, girl. Did we wake you? 232 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,010 Go back to sleep. 233 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,182 "Go back to sleep"? 234 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,183 Why does she think we're so lame? 235 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,476 I don't know. 236 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,187 Maybe it's because you're throwing around words 237 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,605 like "yoo-hoo" and "thang," 238 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,900 like a mom bringing Cheetos down to a slumber party. 239 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,361 This is your fault. 240 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,407 They were obsessed with us until you started asking for bras 241 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,201 like some bra-less homeless person. 242 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,371 We're never gonna sleep with all that music. 243 00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:29,875 Check the drawer, Sophie must have ear plugs. 244 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,793 I mean, she lives upstairs from you. 245 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,879 I found plugs, 246 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,591 but I don't think they're for your ears. 247 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,346 It's fine. We'll just pop downstairs and say hello. 248 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,932 Fashion's my scene. 249 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:48,018 Know what I'm seeing? That price tag. 250 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,644 Oh, tuck it back in, I have to return it. 251 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,063 Okay. Remember our deal. 252 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,192 I got up and got dressed so you're my slave for life. 253 00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,488 Oh, hi, girls. 254 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,157 I thought you were the man with the Greek food. 255 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,994 I have definitely gotta start waxing my upper lip more. 256 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,538 Sophie, why aren't you in Vermont? 257 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:11,081 Oh, I lied. 258 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:12,958 I didn't go to Vermont. 259 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,129 I mean, it's far and I'm not a lesbian. 260 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,423 No, I stayed in town to spy on Oleg. 261 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,217 I mean, I know you girls think that I'm perfect, 262 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,427 but I have trust issues. 263 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,222 Well, then, whose apartment is that? 264 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,807 I'm staying at Jim's. 265 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,808 Straight Jim's or gay Jim's? 266 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:33,187 Sophie, you forgot your purse. 267 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,274 I think this is mine. Just kidding, it's yours. 268 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,903 (CHUCKLES) What's up, Salt-N-Pepa? 269 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,447 -Gay Jim's. -Gay Jim's. 270 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:49,120 Girls, please don't tell Oleg that I'm here. 271 00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,248 You know, I've been following him around 272 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,165 to see what he would do if I was not in town. 273 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,043 And, so far, you know, he's been cool. 274 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,546 But you know the old saying. 275 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,923 "Cheat on me once, shame on you. 276 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,926 Cheat on me twice, your balls are in a jar." 277 00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:08,514 Oh, my God. 278 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,182 There's a man standing in our doorway. 279 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,351 I have a doorman again. 280 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,144 Weird to see a man standing in our doorway 281 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,480 without a warrant, an eviction notice or a Bible. 282 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,484 Excuse me, this is our apartment. 283 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,986 Yeah, we live here all the time. No biggie. 284 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,447 No biggie, and no electricity, no lease-y. 285 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,784 Hi, I'm Caroline. This is Max. We live here. 286 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,287 Not according to the list. 287 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,289 Sir, look, we do live her. I have a key. 288 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,042 The key is to be on the list, which you are not. 289 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,919 Okay. I can prove we live here. 290 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,630 Go over to the window, kick the side of radiator, 291 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,549 a panel will open up. 292 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,134 You'll find a half-smoked joint 293 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,177 and another half-smoked joint, proving-- 294 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,431 What? That you're a poor pot head? 295 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,975 This is crazy. I can't believe I'm begging to get into a place 296 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,519 I've been trying to get out of. 297 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,854 It's a very exclusive party. 298 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,773 It's a dump. I should know. I live here. 299 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,613 CAROLINE: This night couldn't get any worse. 300 00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,576 Turn that light off. I'm watching the Victorias Secret 301 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,037 super model party with my night vision goggles. 302 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,081 And updating. 303 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,500 Oleg, how did you get in here? 304 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,711 How do you think? It's my girlfriend's apartment. 305 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,211 I broke in. 306 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:25,216 Yes, Oleg, it's your girlfriend's apartment 307 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,551 where you're sitting in the dark, 308 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,303 watching models out the window with night vision goggles. 309 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:33,265 -Hey. My pants are on. -No, they are not! 310 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:35,934 Not my fault. 311 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,730 Five Victoria's Secret super models downstairs? 312 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,606 They took themselves off. 313 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,902 So, what are you saying? You're the victim here? 314 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,570 What would Sophie say if she came home 315 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,863 and saw you sitting here? 316 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,865 She'd say, "Stop hogging the goggles." 317 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,201 Oleg, let me just say this. 318 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,453 Vermont is closer than you think. 319 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,163 I don't know where this argument is going, 320 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,415 but I'm going to that damn supermodel party. 321 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,875 Oleg, it's late, 322 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,794 I'm gonna lay this on the line for you. 323 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,506 You're no George Clooney. You're not even George Costanza. 324 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,551 These sheets are amazing 325 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,970 and you are never gonna do better than Sophie. 326 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,807 She is hot and clearly has no sense of smell. 327 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,311 I love Sophie. I'll go home. 328 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,481 On second thought, I don't trust myself 329 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,899 to walk by your apartment. 330 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,652 Better lock me in here. 331 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,279 LILY: Caroline. Max. Come down here. Hurry. 332 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:32,575 I knew it. See, Max? They're begging us to come. 333 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,161 I'm back again. Are you coming? 334 00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,538 Let me think. Downstairs with an open bar 335 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,292 or up here, alone, with Oleg in his tighty-not-that-whities? 336 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:48,549 -Should we tie you up? -No, it'll just make me hornier. 337 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,433 I knew they wanted us to come to the party. 338 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,434 How could they not? 339 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,144 Last night I taught Petra how to eat bread 340 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,605 without tearing it into little pieces first. 341 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,942 Don't try it. I was a navy seal. 342 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,192 You think you're tough? 343 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,445 I lived in a refrigerator box for a month, 344 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,779 with no top. 345 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,656 Not the box. Me. 346 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,492 LILY: Max, Caroline, get in here. 347 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,911 Hey. 348 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,455 See we were invited because we're A list. 349 00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:21,958 The toilet is clogged 350 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,586 and I need you to take care of it, please. 351 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,423 A list as in "a janitor" list. 352 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:31,843 I don't know what to do. 353 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,970 Can one of you call the concierge? 354 00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:35,346 Sure. Caroline. 355 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,682 Wait, wait, wait. You didn't just call us down here 356 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,267 because the toilet's clogged, did you? 357 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,894 -No. -Okay, good. 358 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,979 The kitchen sink is backed up, too. 359 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,316 But, toilet, I got this. I was almost born in one. 360 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:49,652 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 361 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,279 All right, everyone just calm down. 362 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,240 No need to overreact. 363 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:01,580 And there's the pool we mentioned in our ad. 364 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,501 Oh, boy. Yup, we got some floaters. 365 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:09,338 Caroline, I'm gonna need the plunger and a lobotomy. 366 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,924 This happens with vintage toilets. 367 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,843 Part of their old-world charm. 368 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,762 We got some charm stuck on your loofah. 369 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,265 Hey, guys, remember last night 370 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,267 how we just bit into that bread without chewing it? 371 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,684 Good times. 372 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,897 I need that damn plunger, I don't wanna die this way! 373 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,567 I got it, but it's caught on something. 374 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,573 (SCREAMING) 375 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,788 What kind of a dump is this? 376 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,915 Hey. You wanted the Williamsburg Experience, 377 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,166 this is it. 378 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,219 Good news, Martha. I have your flat iron 379 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,387 looking pretty much back to normal. 380 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,223 That's good. Keep it. 381 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,979 Again, sorry about your cashmere sweaters in here. 382 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:08,314 But when we ran out of paper towels, 383 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,317 you did scream, "Just use anything, make it stop." 384 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,028 And, of course, we'll pay to have them all dry cleaned. 385 00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,281 That's nice. Keep them. 386 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,451 Okay, we can leave. 387 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:23,413 I am off the phone with my therapist. 388 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,080 And it goes without saying, 389 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,040 we won't charge you guys for this weekend. 390 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,835 No way. Here. 391 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:32,297 You are taking this check and my therapist's phone number. 392 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,090 I do not know how you are standing up without him. 393 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:36,925 What? Come on, this is nothing. 394 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,760 One month, the floor actually opened up 395 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,512 and swallowed us. 396 00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,140 Yeah, we've been through worse. 397 00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,851 It's really cool the way you two support each other. 398 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,604 Yup, we're a pair of support hose. 399 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,731 And speaking of support... 400 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,902 -here, Max. -No way! 401 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,445 Look, Caroline, it's a bra-nanza. 402 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,949 And, Caroline, since you don't really need to wear a bra... 403 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,492 here. 404 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,372 This apartment may be hell, but you are a real angel. 405 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,710 Aw. My own wings? Thank you, guys. 406 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,378 Hey, can I ask you something? 407 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:16,257 As long as it doesn't have anything to do with rats. 408 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,676 How come you didn't invite us to the party? 409 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,887 What? I thought Martha did. 410 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,388 I thought Lily did. 411 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,307 -Model moment. -Model moment. 412 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:30,896 Pick-up, Caroline. 413 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,903 Yup, I always knew you would die here. 414 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,201 Pick-up, Max. 415 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,913 Looking good, Max. 416 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,040 After you drop that, have Caroline come back here 417 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:52,376 and lock me in the walk-in until Sophie gets home. 418 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,586 CAROLINE: Max, I just realized 419 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,006 we're kind of the supermodels of waitressing. 420 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,090 And I just realized 421 00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,384 my boobs aren't always supposed to hit my side. 422 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,557 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 423 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:13,355 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 424 00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:31,749 (English US - SDH)