1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,546
Okay, everybody, gather around.

2
00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,341
Who knew it was "bring
your girlfriend to work" day?

3
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,345
She is not my girlfriend.

4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,887
Judy is a CPR doll

5
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:15,349
and the hardest-working girl
in this diner.

6
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:20,062
Oh, Han, you shouldn't bring
your sex doll out in public.

7
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,606
This is not my girlfriend or a sex doll!

8
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,737
Earl, come over. We're going to use Judy
to learn how to resuscitate.

9
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:31,364
I have a "do not resuscitate" clause,

10
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:34,243
as in, I do not resuscitate others.

11
00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:37,454
-Oleg!
-What's up, Han?

12
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,831
Hey, Judy.

13
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,210
How do you know Judy?

14
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:46,380
With a torso like that, she gets around.

15
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,716
Okay, I will demonstrate.

16
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:54,012
Oh, no! Judy's choking on something.

17
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,098
Well, we know it's not you.

18
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,020
First, you have to tilt the head back

19
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,271
and clear the airway, and blow.

20
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:08,027
Oh, Max, I think
we're witnessing his first kiss.

21
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,697
Fourth, thank you very much.

22
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,242
Han, why are you wasting
your time kissing her?

23
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,828
She doesn't have any arms. Just go for it.

24
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,460
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

25
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,753
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

26
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,013
What's up, everybody? Big day today.

27
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,222
Not as big as Christmas,

28
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:41,143
but still marks the arrival
of someone very blessed: Me.

29
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,103
Yeah, we get it.

30
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,021
You talk about your birthday
more than Kanye West

31
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,314
talks about Kanye West.

32
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,944
Caroline, I thought you would be crying.

33
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,364
Tears on your birthday
have become as expected

34
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:56,283
as an ex-Disney star going to rehab.

35
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,493
Why would I be sad?

36
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,995
I have my health,
a business that's budding--

37
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,456
Boobs that aren't.

38
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:08,378
I don't believe in birthdays.
You're only as old as you feel.

39
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,463
Which makes me nothing years old.

40
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,217
Speaking of nothing...

41
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,930
Caroline, are we still on
for Two Boots pizza tonight?

42
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,057
I'm closing the diner early
in honor of your birthday

43
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,185
and not just because the city has demanded

44
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,646
to look into the black mold situation.

45
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,064
Absolutely, Han.

46
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,025
You can have one slice with two toppings

47
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,651
or two slices with one topping.

48
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,403
And my birthday cake is a free flan

49
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,905
because I flirted with the dishwasher.

50
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,533
Caroline, sweetheart, if I was you,

51
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,536
I would just put my head
through a plate glass window.

52
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,456
Okay, everybody.

53
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,293
I have two announcements, both good news.

54
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:51,504
First, the guy who found
the beak in his sandwich

55
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,756
is not suing,

56
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,385
and second, I'm gonna pop
the question to Sophie.

57
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,473
Well, you've already
popped everything else.

58
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:04,852
What do you think?

59
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,645
They say diamonds
are a girl's best friend.

60
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,939
Really? I thought a girl's best friend

61
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,109
was someone just a little fatter than her.

62
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,903
It was my grandma's from Russia.

63
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,907
I had my cousin Svela swallow it
to bring it to America.

64
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,911
She passed customs, then she passed this.

65
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:29,710
Five, six rinses later, boom. Duty free.

66
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,341
Well, I guess that's better
than getting it at Kay.

67
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,051
Is Sophie expecting it?

68
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,177
Of course.

69
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,430
She doesn't like surprises
since her family barn was torched

70
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,641
by a mentally unstable farmhand.

71
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,437
Hi, I have a delivery
for Caroline Channing

72
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,521
from Martin Channing.

73
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,275
It's a birthday gift from my daddy
all the way from prison.

74
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:56,235
Last year, he made me
a macaroni art picture frame.

75
00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:01,491
I mean, the man once rented Miami
for a friend's bachelor party.

76
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,788
Hey, that picture frame fed us
for two days.

77
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:09,707
Yeah, well, this thing is not pasta
and it's too big to fit through the door.

78
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,252
And so was I three months ago.

79
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,379
No, really.

80
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:17,257
My seat on an airplane
used to be Row Three.

81
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,639
There it is in the street.

82
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,725
A condom full of hamburger meat?

83
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,978
Oh, my God. Is that a Lamborghini?

84
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,606
Wait. Is that my Lamborghini?

85
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,901
Yeah, it's a Lamborghini
Aventador Roadster.

86
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:42,115
Wow! Prison arts and crafts
has gotten pretty fancy.

87
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:46,370
Well, it takes four years
for these cars to be custom-made.

88
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,122
This one was ordered in 2011.

89
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,290
That's right,
my father ordered this for me

90
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:51,500
when he still had money.

91
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,502
Correction: When he had
everyone else's money.

92
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:58,465
All my father ever gave me
was that one iffy chromosome.

93
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,468
Well, here you go. It's all yours.

94
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:06,055
I'm gonna walk home.
It's all about healthy choices.

95
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,351
(SQUEALING)

96
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:14,064
-I got a car!
-We got a car!

97
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:24,699
Damn, someone painted the Batmobile white.

98
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,661
Can't we have anything?

99
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:36,127
-That's a $450,000 sports car.
-I know.

100
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,504
Add a stackable washer/dryer
and a motor home,

101
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,050
and it's like Caroline won
the Showcase Showdown.

102
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,262
It goes from 0 to 100 in 2.9 seconds.

103
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,264
And speaking of seconds,
I'm getting seconds at Two Boots,

104
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,266
and that rich bitch is paying.

105
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,896
Back off, Tokyo Drift.

106
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,651
This is our getaway car.

107
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,569
And by that, I mean, get away from it.

108
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:06,033
You know, a car like this
depreciates 50 percent

109
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,160
the minute you drive it off the lot.

110
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,995
That's why I drive my Toyota Yaris.

111
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,000
Ooh-la-la.

112
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,836
(GASPS) Is P Diddy here?

113
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,048
Wait a minute. Is it Ted Turner?

114
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,468
No one cool owns it. It's Caroline's.

115
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,178
Now, this is the kind of car

116
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,807
that I would say yes to anything in.

117
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:34,812
Anything except tickets
to "Menopause The Musical."

118
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:39,191
Hey, Caroline. Nice car.

119
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,276
I always liked you more than Max.

120
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,819
You know that, right, girl?

121
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,656
Really? Because yesterday,
I heard you yell to Max,

122
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,867
(IMITATING SOPHIE)
"Is Caroline turning 47 or 48?

123
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,038
Because she acts like she's 65."

124
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,415
Yeah.

125
00:06:56,165 --> 00:07:00,086
Yeah, I wanted to know what
to write in your birthday card.

126
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,380
Well, everyone away from the car.

127
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:03,882
I just got off the phone with my dad.

128
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,634
The car is being seized in the morning.

129
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,970
Turns out they won't let me
keep my present.

130
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:11,348
It's just like my 8th birthday
when they made me return Macaulay Culkin.

131
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,605
They bought you a boy?

132
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:22,776
You were rich.

133
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:27,406
Oh, boy, the car's right here
and you can't even use it.

134
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,949
That's like me having you two
for waitresses.

135
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,125
Caroline, can I ask you a favor?

136
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,127
You're not using the car
to propose to Sophie.

137
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,713
You heard how much she liked it.

138
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,632
And it's a little bit classier
than my original plan:

139
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,718
Dinner and a cock fight in Yonkers.

140
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,637
Not that I'm listening,

141
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,891
but I'm not gonna
get proposed to at a gay bar.

142
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,812
Great, now my gay bar idea is out also.

143
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:04,610
No, Oleg. I can't return the car
with scratches, dents or chlamydia.

144
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,613
But we can still drive it, right?

145
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,740
I mean, I've been on that cream
for like a month.

146
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,831
Max, what is the ninth rule
of the Lamborghini Club?

147
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,459
No red drinks in the car.

148
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,420
Well, here's my number one rule:

149
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,129
If you're going to make me sleep in it,

150
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,007
I am going to drink in it.

151
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,091
Well, just be careful.

152
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,721
I only have one Clorox wipe
that has to last until my next birthday

153
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,889
and it's already lost
a lot of its moisture.

154
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:39,394
I don't see why we have to just sit here.

155
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:41,730
We can't drive it.

156
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,399
My dad said if anything happens to it,
we'll be responsible.

157
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,445
What could possibly happen
on a weed run to deep Tijuana?

158
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,865
You know, I wish this car never came,
and I wish I never sat in it.

159
00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:54,784
It's the same reason
I don't go to Barneys.

160
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,245
I don't like to be around things
I can't afford anymore.

161
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:00,123
Same reason I don't go
to the 99 Cent Store.

162
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:03,168
There's a Nerf tennis set
half on the floor,

163
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,462
half in the bin,
none of it going home with me.

164
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,049
I was trying to be positive
about my birthday this year

165
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,510
but, Max, if things
hadn't happened with my father,

166
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,971
tonight would have been
a magical birthday for me.

167
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,431
Hey, there was some magic.

168
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:20,143
I personally made
five vodka Sprites disappear.

169
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,187
Ta-da!

170
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:25,399
I would've got in the car
and driven out to the Hamptons

171
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,442
and we'd sit on the beach all night

172
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,568
having lobster caught
by one of the townies

173
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,614
and drink champagne
while taking duckface selfies

174
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,198
until the sun came up.

175
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:41,248
FYI, I'm the townie in this scenario
and I hate all of you.

176
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:45,543
Instead of doing any of that,
I'm having the worst birthday.

177
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,879
I probably feel worse than Demi Moore did
when she turned 50.

178
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,134
Yes, just go to sleep.

179
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,885
You'll feel better tomorrow
when you wake up.

180
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,139
I mean, if that guy with the switchblade

181
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,224
doesn't come back
like he promised he would.

182
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,649
Caroline. Caroline, wake up.

183
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,697
We're at the beach.
I drove us out to the Hamptons.

184
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,868
Happy birthday.

185
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,913
We're in the Hamptons?

186
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,292
We're in the Hamptons?

187
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,586
How are we in the Hamptons?

188
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,422
How long have I been sleeping?

189
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:33,466
Three hours, give or take.
You farted twice.

190
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:36,886
How did I not wake up?

191
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,554
I know. It was pretty bad.

192
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,934
After that last one,
I thought we were going through Egg Town.

193
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:50,484
Max, you did it again.
You roofied me, didn't you?

194
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,485
Of course I did.

195
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,946
You were crying and babbling
about the Hamptons

196
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,947
so I had to put you down.

197
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,658
You promised you wouldn't again.

198
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,620
The last time, I was out for two days.

199
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,206
Yeah, I really just needed
to get through Game of Thrones

200
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:07,083
without someone talking during the incest!

201
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,837
What is wrong with you?

202
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,173
Have you got a pen and paper?

203
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,134
You knew I didn't wanna do this!

204
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:20,346
You never wanna do anything
so I did it for you.

205
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,767
You took a $450,000 car,

206
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,561
a car we're not even supposed
to be touching,

207
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,523
on a joyride to the Hamptons?

208
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,942
You wanted to be here.

209
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,070
You are here. Just enjoy it.

210
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,072
I can't enjoy it.

211
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,411
Scotty to the bridge. This is Capt. Kirk.

212
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,745
Scotty to the bridge.

213
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,043
You drove over the dunes
and onto the beach?

214
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,046
Not intentionally.

215
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:56,633
I tried to stop it but this car
was like, "No, girl."

216
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,764
Oh my God. Did it get any scratches?

217
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:07,144
Max, get out of the car,
and help me look for scratches!

218
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,937
You said you were more fun
in the Hamptons.

219
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:12,982
Not true.

220
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,028
Mr. Sulu, fire all phasers.

221
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,615
No scratches. The Lamborghini is fine.

222
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,619
But thanks to you, I'm a Rent-A-Wreck.

223
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,916
Come on, we have to get this car back.

224
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,878
We will. Jeez, relax. We still have time.

225
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,212
Look, you said you wanted to be here.

226
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,508
You're here, and we are not leaving
until you do something beach-y,

227
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,888
like walk in the water
or find a half-eaten lady from Jaws.

228
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,100
No. No way. Let's go.

229
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,393
Just take off your shoes or something.

230
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,394
No!

231
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,605
Just take off your shoes
and feel the sand.

232
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,688
Max! Max, stop!

233
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:56,400
I haven't had a proper pedicure
since Justin Timberlake released a single.

234
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,528
There. Now move your foot around.

235
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,908
No. No. No.

236
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,534
Ah, yeah. That feels nice.

237
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,914
The cold sand between my toes.
But, Max, don't look.

238
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,791
That middle nail's a horror show.

239
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,293
Too late.

240
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,836
I thought it was a pistachio for a second.

241
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,341
Max, how much do you love the beach?

242
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,967
I don't know. I've never been to one.

243
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,346
You've never been to a beach?

244
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,599
No. What's the point?
I don't own a metal detector.

245
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:34,397
-Well, time's up.
-But we just sat down.

246
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,232
I know, but if we leave right now,

247
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,653
we'll still have enough time
to blow through a McDonald's drive-through

248
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,738
like something from Back to the Future.

249
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,908
Well, I'm gonna write our names
in the sand

250
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,368
because it was a really nice thing

251
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,994
for you to drug me, kidnap me

252
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,205
and steal my car to get me out here.

253
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,039
Hey, we're friends.

254
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,293
All right,
I'll just turn this baby around.

255
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,130
(ENGINE REVS)

256
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,591
Uh-oh.

257
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,010
What's "uh-oh"?

258
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,806
What is "uh-oh"?

259
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,225
Are we stuck in the sand?

260
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:14,104
You have correctly identified
the meaning of "uh-oh."

261
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,442
I love that we don't need full sentences
to communicate anymore.

262
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,826
Try it again.

263
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,202
(ENGINE REVVING)

264
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,328
Nope.

265
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,124
I've had less trouble getting
out of athlete's apartments.

266
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,500
Well, you're gonna have
to get out and push.

267
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,253
Why do I have to push?

268
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:42,465
Because you're the one who drugged me,
kidnapped me and stole my car.

269
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,591
Exactly.

270
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,010
I've already done
the lion's share of the work.

271
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,803
And it's our car.

272
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,139
Fine, I'll do it.

273
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,686
Door's up, Lt. Uhura.

274
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:57,897
It stopped being funny when we got stuck.

275
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,567
God, don't worry.

276
00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:03,611
I got a 600-pound woman
out of a booth at the diner

277
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,488
with my bare hands. I'm fearless.

278
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,783
Toss her in neutral
like I did with that lady.

279
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,287
Sand and heels. Not a good combo.

280
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,289
Not a good combo. Not a good combo.

281
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:21,171
All right. All right. I'm gonna floor it.

282
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,923
On the count of three. One, two...

283
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:27,969
(ENGINE REVVING)

284
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,852
I got excited. I went early.

285
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,399
If I had a dime
for every time I heard that,

286
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,817
I could buy this car.

287
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,818
All right, let's try again.

288
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,779
One, two...

289
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,157
(ENGINE REVVING)

290
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,376
(COUGHS)

291
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:02,836
Okay, that was on purpose.

292
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,465
A little bit.

293
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,841
I can't believe it.

294
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,969
I can't believe that I can't believe it,

295
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,054
but I really can't believe it.

296
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:15,892
We are in very big trouble
and we're not even in the good Hamptons.

297
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,687
I was trying to do something nice.

298
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,065
First time, last time.

299
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,235
You know what you are? You are reckless.

300
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,529
You know, all this time,

301
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,615
I thought you were
a ride-or-die kind of bitch.

302
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,786
I am a ride-or-die kind of bitch.

303
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,539
What's a ride-or-die kind of bitch?

304
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,253
Are you Googling
"ride-or-die kind of bitch"?

305
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,256
I would be, but I only have two bars.

306
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,885
Look, we have two options:

307
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:55,974
Get the car out of the sand
or let the tide take us.

308
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,309
Put a pin in that tide thing
because I like the sound of it.

309
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,312
We barely have enough time to
get this car back to the city

310
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,107
or we owe $450,000.

311
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,486
And I only have $3
and $2 of it is in nickels.

312
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,489
Now get in the car.

313
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:12,990
You're hoarding nickels

314
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,743
and I'm walking out of the
99 Cent Store empty-handed?

315
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,122
Now I'm mad.

316
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,249
Get ready.

317
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:25,420
-What are you doing?
-I'm pushing us out of here.

318
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:26,962
(ENGINE REVVING)

319
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,590
All because I'm a ride-or-die
kind of bitch.

320
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,343
I think.

321
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,846
(SCREAMING)

322
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,346
Now hit it.

323
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,807
(ENGINE REVVING)

324
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,400
What did you do, fart us out of the ditch?

325
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,697
Seriously, Caroline, step on it.

326
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,909
No, Max. We can't risk
getting into an accident.

327
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,993
What if it's not fatal?

328
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,457
Driving a Lamborghini slow
is like going to Red Lobster

329
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,375
and not getting the Cheddar Bay biscuits.

330
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,503
Come on, we got
to enjoy this car while we can.

331
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,712
-Hit the gas.
-All right.

332
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,633
I'll take it up to the top
of my age dating window.

333
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,092
Forty.

334
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,804
And I'll take it to the top of mine. 80!

335
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,931
Let go! Have some fun!

336
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,557
No, don't push on my leg.
Don't push on my--

337
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,059
(SCREAMING)

338
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,688
Yes! Yes! Best birthday ever!

339
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,066
Should we Thelma and Louise it?

340
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,108
You mean drive over a cliff?

341
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,987
No, I mean wear sunglasses and hold hands.

342
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,740
They drive over a cliff?
I never saw the end.

343
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,044
There they are.

344
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,296
Did you girls get the car back
in time this morning?

345
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,798
Yep, just in time, thanks to Caroline.

346
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:56,176
She was ignoring speed limit signs
like she does homeless people.

347
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:01,266
A state trooper called
my driving criminally negligent.

348
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,893
I was so proud.

349
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,686
I might've even gotten emotional,

350
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,188
but I had to talk
our way out of the ticket

351
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,691
and I like to be professional
when my shirt's off.

352
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,693
You didn't get a ticket?

353
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:16,029
Yesterday, I got arrested
for just walking into Whole Foods.

354
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,450
I can't believe
I still have sand in my hair.

355
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,703
If the only place you still have sand
is in your hair, you're lucky.

356
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,414
I'm about to make a pearl down there.

357
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,086
Hey, there, destitute Barbie.

358
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,923
Sorry you lost the dream car.

359
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,800
Anyway, I'll be in my booth.

360
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,096
Sophie, beautiful baby.

361
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:46,728
I've narrowed down the site
of my proposal to three options.

362
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,980
A, the place we met.

363
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,816
B, the place we've had sex most often.

364
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,237
Or C, the place
we've had sex most recently.

365
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,325
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

366
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:05,496
All three of those places are this booth.

367
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,790
That's right.

368
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,169
Sophie Kachinsky...

369
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,712
He's proposing at the diner?

370
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:16,007
What's he gonna do?
Put an onion ring on it?

371
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:25,557
Oh, I love that.

372
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,733
You know, I was planning on saying no

373
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:38,654
and making you beg for a few hours, but...

374
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,531
I just love you too much.

375
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,249
Aw. That's so not as gross as normal.

376
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,923
(CLEARS THROAT) Now it is.

377
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,137
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

378
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,724
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

379
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,372
(English US - SDH)