1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,879 Here you go. And I hope you enjoyed dinner and the show. 2 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:06,631 The show being me pretending I'm happy as a waitress. 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,509 Caroline, where is Max? 4 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:12,262 And I've already checked the bowels of hell. 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,598 Yeah, I know where I work. 6 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,184 Max is going to be late today because she got stuck on the subway. 7 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,187 But you said yesterday she was late because she was stuck on the subway. 8 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:25,317 No, I believe I said yesterday she got stuck "under" the subway. 9 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,821 -Oleg, a little help. -Oh, Max? 10 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,323 Today she got stuck on a bus. 11 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:34,076 And you said that the day before yesterday. 12 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:35,953 -Earl? -She got stuck 13 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,912 between the moon and New York City. 14 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,375 I know it's crazy, but it's true. 15 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,755 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find our cat, Nancy. 16 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,883 Also, I was stuck on the bus or under the subway. 17 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,259 Unless they told you something different, 18 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,427 then I was doing that. 19 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,722 Oh, come on! That excuse was less satisfying 20 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,182 than the end of Serial. 21 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,895 Max, really, what do you take me for? 22 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,396 Well, I know where I can't take you. 23 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,939 On the big rides at Disneyland. 24 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,736 Nancy still hasn't come home. I'm freaking out. 25 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,114 -She's the only thing I love. -(GASPS) 26 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,823 Whatever. 27 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,868 I had a cat once. He was cool. 28 00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:19,914 He was black and very sexually active. 29 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,125 Oh, wait. The cool cat I'm talking about was me. 30 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,462 Earl, be careful! 31 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,798 At your age, you could die having sex. 32 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:29,840 I know. 33 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,426 Those ladies don't know whether I'm coming or going. 34 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,722 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 35 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,182 (CASH REGISTER DINGS) 36 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,527 I think Nancy might be gone for good. 37 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,152 I just can't believe she didn't take me with her. 38 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,153 We had a deal. 39 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,990 Max, she'll come back to the apartment, even if she doesn't want to. 40 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,283 I mean, I always do. 41 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,287 I am not surprised you're not worried. 42 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,415 You never really liked Nancy. You call her "that cat." 43 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,960 As in, "that cat" peed on my pillow. 44 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,840 While I was sleeping on it, Max. 45 00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,843 Well, blame me. I got her drunk. 46 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,097 Hey, everybody! 47 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,018 Look, girls. I got your pussy in my purse. 48 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,812 Either that's a cat, 49 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,066 or you two got to keep better track of your belongings. 50 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,735 Yay! 51 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,070 That cat's back. 52 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:40,118 See, Max? I am excited. 53 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,956 (COOS IN BABY VOICE) I missed you so much. Yes, I did. 54 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,417 That's not Nancy. 55 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:48,586 That is a boy. 56 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,879 Well, Max, sorry I don't check out a cat's junk 57 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,338 the second it comes through the door. 58 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,758 Yeah, you only look at the face. 59 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,301 That's the difference between you and me. 60 00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,931 See, look, the name tag says "Cinnamon." 61 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,893 No wonder that little girl kept crying and saying, 62 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,895 "Give me Cinnamon, Give me Cinnamon." 63 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:12,026 I looked her right in the eye and I said, "I don't carry spices in my purse." 64 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,739 Max, you are completely overreacting. It's just a-- 65 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,615 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Just a what? Say it! 66 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,076 -It's just a cat. -(GASPS) 67 00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,162 You! 68 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,917 Hey, I'm the one who fronted us that dollar to get her name tag. 69 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,585 Thanks to me, someone's gonna pick her up, 70 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,296 look at it, and say, "Oh, you must be lost, little cat." 71 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,716 Nancy! Her name's Nancy! 72 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,091 I know her name! 73 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,968 It got momentarily pushed out of my head 74 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,805 to make room for those 1,600 cupcake t-shirts 75 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,640 we can't unload or pay for. 76 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,643 You think I don't wake up screaming 77 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,937 four or five nights a week about those t-shirts? 78 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,730 But I know our cat's name. 79 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,233 You don't wake up at night ever. 80 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,360 No, I sleep like a dead baby. It's my one gift. 81 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,280 -(CELLPHONE RINGS) -Ooh, the phone! 82 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,532 Unknown number. This could be it! 83 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,953 I like my numbers like my condom expiration dates. 84 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,120 Unknown. 85 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,873 -Hello? Yes? -Who is it, Max? 86 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,834 You have her? Yay! 87 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,627 Oh, sure, great. Thank you. 88 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,756 -He has her? He has Nancy? -Please, too little, too late. 89 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,057 Max, we're in $10,000 worth of debt 90 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,975 and you spent money on new kitty litter? 91 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,144 Relax. I'm going to pee in it, too. 92 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:33,649 I guess it beats that Sprite bottle you've been using in your bedroom. 93 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,110 It's just such a long walk to the bathroom 94 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:39,071 that every time I have to go, it's like I'm raising money for MS. 95 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,156 Ooh! 96 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:42,949 I have good news. 97 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,576 I found your lost bra in the litter box. 98 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,372 Don't think I'm not still wearing it. I mean, why not? 99 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,792 I ate a hot dog that rolled under a car the other day. 100 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,504 I left a couple of big clumps in, just to help you out a little. 101 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,840 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -MAX: Ooh! 102 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,507 Okay, that's Nancy. 103 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:02,052 Here's a chance for a fresh start for you two. 104 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,012 And don't bring up the bra. 105 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:05,264 We don't know why she wanted it, 106 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,016 but I'm sure she had her reasons. 107 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,560 Fine, I'll be on my best behavior. 108 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,728 But you watch and see how she treats me. 109 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,730 It's a two-way street. 110 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,819 Hi, I have your cat. And surprisingly, your doorknob. 111 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,863 Oh. That gum wore out already? 112 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,490 (GASPS) Hi, buddy! 113 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,826 Hi, I'm Caroline. This is Max. 114 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,952 Thank you so much for bringing back-- 115 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,997 -Nancy! -I know! 116 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,624 And please note, she did not even look at me. 117 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:33,834 Hi. I'm Owen. 118 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,836 Well, we are "Owen" you a big thank-you. 119 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,298 Kind of low on cash, 120 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,884 how would you feel about 1,000 cute cupcake tees? 121 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,468 Yeah, I don't need 1,000 pink t-shirts. 122 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,512 My dad's already mad at me I don't care about sports. 123 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:48,807 How do you get this thing open? 124 00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,225 We usually just take Nancy around 125 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,185 in an old vacuum cleaner bag. 126 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,480 Also doubles as my "going out" purse. 127 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,399 Pardon me, may I get past? 128 00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:58,776 Oh! 129 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,735 Manners? In our doorway? 130 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,321 I don't know what to do. 131 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:06,617 What's next, a front stoop with no discarded heroin needles? 132 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,244 Yeah, I just came up there. Not today. 133 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,247 Here, let me help. 134 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,874 I'm the dumb one who paid $2,000 135 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:14,833 for a cat carrier. 136 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,125 I miss being that stupid. 137 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,045 You know, my cat can't get this open either. 138 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,588 It must be the lack of thumbs. 139 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,468 Rich, funny, and in a suit at 9 am. 140 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,220 I really don't know what to do. 141 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,180 You know, my cat, Dickens, loves your cat. 142 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,182 Oh, Dickens, after the author? 143 00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,310 Dickens, after the author, Max. 144 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,230 Yeah, I know who that is. 145 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,856 The guy who wrote Muppets Christmas Carol. 146 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,528 There. I knew I'd get it. 147 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,112 Because I have thumbs. 148 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:48,283 Oh, there she is. Yes. 149 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:51,495 So I take it by the cat, you're single? 150 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,332 Big time. 151 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,793 So, do you and Dickens live alone? 152 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,461 No, she's trying to flirt. 153 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,798 I travel a lot for work. 154 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,423 I'm a venture capitalist. So you know how it is. 155 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,677 Oh, I do. I absolutely do. I... 156 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,052 -Here it comes. -Went to Wharton. 157 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,637 Boom. 158 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,473 Well, if she gets lost again, you know where to find her. 159 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,266 She's been hanging around outside our window 160 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,560 every day for the last couple of months. 161 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,228 So I let her in. I hope that's okay. 162 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,355 Okay? It's awesome. 163 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,440 I hope your girlfriend didn't mind. 164 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,901 We just broke up. So I'm single. 165 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,862 And I better get going. I've got a 10:00 meeting. 166 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,365 Max, give the man his case. He has a 10:00 meeting. 167 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,201 She doesn't want to get out of cushy this thing. 168 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,244 I totally get it. 169 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:34,163 I had to be dragged out of the massage chair 170 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,581 at Brookstone by mall security. 171 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:37,875 Well, here's my card, just give me a call 172 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,250 when you want me to pick up the case. 173 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,170 You have a card? (SCOFFS) 174 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,882 A card, a meeting, a suit, a joke? 175 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,591 Are you the next bachelor? 176 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:52,055 Well, thank you, Owen Charles Boyd, for bringing back our beloved-- 177 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,514 -Her name's Nancy! -I know her name. 178 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,016 Why do I have to say it so fast? 179 00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:59,437 She's joking, she's just not as funny as you. 180 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,814 Well, it was nice to meet you. Bye, Nancy. 181 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:04,358 Okay. Bye 182 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,451 Yes, I was flirting. But I was doing it for our business. 183 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,536 You should really be doing it for your business. 184 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,206 Because your business is going out of business. 185 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:22,543 He has a card. And it's not for medical marijuana. 186 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,172 He's a venture capitalist. That's the kind of fat cat 187 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,882 that can help us get back on our feet. 188 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,591 Speaking of fat cats, Nancy's looking like 189 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,636 she might need to give Jenny a call. 190 00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:32,929 Hey, girls. 191 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,432 Aww, you found Nancy. 192 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,601 I knew she'd come back pregnant. 193 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,355 Wait, Sophie, how can you tell she's pregnant 194 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:44,316 and not fighting the same battle Jonah Hill is fighting? 195 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,611 Well, her fur is thicker, she's got a sparkle in her eye, 196 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,822 and there's a little kitten head about to pop out of her patoot. 197 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,995 (LABORED MEOWING) 198 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,831 Come on. Push, Nancy. 199 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,708 Come on. We all know what you did. 200 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,586 Now is not the time to be shy. 201 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,923 You do know what you're doing, right, Sophie? 202 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,174 This isn't like the time you told us 203 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,469 you could do your bikini wax with a candle? 204 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,264 Because I still have the vanilla-scented scars from that. 205 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,892 Don't worry. 206 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,309 In my village, 207 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:23,272 all the Kachinsky women acted as animal midwives. 208 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,898 It was the best way to meet guys. 209 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,484 Strap in, girls. 210 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,485 Oh, she's crowning! 211 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,863 I can't believe it. 212 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:34,408 I thought Nancy was smarter than this. 213 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:37,244 But it turns out she's just like the rest of the women in my family. 214 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,455 Screwed by some stranger she met in the dumpster. 215 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,917 Okay, here we go. 216 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,711 -(HIGH-PITCHED MEOW) -Oh... 217 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,962 There goes my ring. 218 00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,426 Okay. Sorry, Nancy. 219 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,385 Here we go! 220 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,679 Come on, girls. I need some hot water 221 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,889 and fresh towels. 222 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,183 We do, too. For, like, four years. 223 00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:04,437 How about some of these t-shirts? 224 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,356 Oh, sure. Why not use those? They used to be our bright future. 225 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,110 Now just a ShamWow for illegitimate cats. 226 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,904 (LABORED MEOWING CONTINUES) 227 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,951 Oh, my God, that must be the sound of a surrendering cat uterus. 228 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,538 It's the first time a uterus has surrendered in that bed for a while. 229 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,292 (KITTENS MEWING) 230 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,961 I don't know why I'm not throwing up. 231 00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:30,880 Oh, wait. I'm starting to. 232 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,761 Well, I'm off Korean dumplings for life. 233 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,932 This one. This one won't come out. 234 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,851 It's like the Queen Latifah of kittens. 235 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:51,109 Sophie, I got your text that you were in bed with Nancy. 236 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:52,985 Who is this Nancy, 237 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,322 and when did we go back to doing three-ways? 238 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,616 Nancy's a cat. 239 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,077 That's a no. 240 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,121 I've got to draw the line somewhere. 241 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:12,004 Well, I heard the news. 242 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,591 Looks like you two are grandmothers before you're 30. 243 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,552 Can't say I'm surprised. 244 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:25,184 Okay, before you even ask, I don't pay for cat maternity leave. 245 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,602 This isn't Google. 246 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:31,066 This isn't even Ask Jeeves, Han. 247 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,861 Well, I can help you get the kittens good homes. 248 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:38,365 The people in my building are very nice. 249 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,368 Except if you don't recycle one bottle of sparkling cider, 250 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,162 then nobody talks to you in the elevator. 251 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,789 We're not giving the kittens away. 252 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,542 Nancy landed herself a rich cat. 253 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,128 We're gonna be living off a hefty kitty support. 254 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:55,923 Only you two would be desperate enough to try and find a sugar catty. 255 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:01,053 -So has Owen called you back yet? -Um, we're trading. 256 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:02,639 "We're trading"? 257 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,975 "We're trading" is lonely white girl talk 258 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,350 for "he hasn't called me back." 259 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,145 I can't believe this. He's a deadbeat dad. 260 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,188 Max, he's just busy. 261 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:14,317 And I think you might be projecting a little because of your dad. 262 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,695 Not that I'm a therapist. I mean, I can't even afford a couch. 263 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,197 I'm not projecting. 264 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,825 I just know a deadbeat dad when I don't see one! 265 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,995 -Where's his card? -I don't remember where I-- 266 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,581 (GRUNTS) Max, let go! I've got this. 267 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,582 That guy can really help us with our business. 268 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,168 Please, let me handle this. 269 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,668 Look, Ryan Gosling. 270 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,256 -I got this. I got this. -I got this. I got this. 271 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,009 Keep going, girls. I'm almost there. 272 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:42,721 I got this, Max. 273 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,431 And when he comes for the cat carrier, 274 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:45,432 I'll talk to him. 275 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,932 You're way too emotional. 276 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,976 You just went to third base with my apron. 277 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,695 Sitting on this stoop is nice. How come we never sit out here? 278 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,029 (GUNSHOTS) 279 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,198 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 280 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:03,533 There it is. 281 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,495 Please. It's just Rico. 282 00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,582 Rico looks good. I think he got another tattoo. 283 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,711 Look, when Owen gets here, should we still be alive, 284 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:17,463 please let me do the talking. 285 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,966 Kittens aside, Owen can help us. 286 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,760 A venture capitalist buys companies and turns them around. 287 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,596 Yeah, I've seen Pretty Woman. 288 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,640 That's how I realized I wasn't charging enough. 289 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,558 Go, Max, here he comes. 290 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,937 All right, I'll be watching inside from the window. 291 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,730 It's probably better because I don't trust Nancy alone with those kittens. 292 00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,649 She's got some serious postpartum. 293 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:40,195 When I left, she was lighting a Menthol 100 with a shaky paw. 294 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:46,076 Hi. Crazy we live walking distance from each other. 295 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,745 We don't. The Uber driver wouldn't go past the fire hydrant on the corner. 296 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,664 The one with the bloody shoe hanging from it? 297 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,750 -That's the one. -(WOMAN SCREAMS AGAIN) 298 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,169 You know what? I'm just gonna take the cat carrier. 299 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,212 Before you go... 300 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:04,344 we have a small cupcake company that's just begging to be an empire, 301 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:07,179 and I wanted to pick your brain about some business stuff. 302 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,980 Okay, so your Dickens got our cat pregnant, 303 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:18,107 and she just had five kittens. 304 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,985 And at her age, it's a miracle we didn't have to pay for in vitro. 305 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,279 How do you know they are Dickens'? 306 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,947 I'm not saying that Nancy's easy, it's just, 307 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,658 I've seen her go in and out of a lot of windows. 308 00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:31,705 (SIRENS APPROACHING) 309 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,873 Did he just drop a gun? 310 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,000 It's fine. He has more. 311 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,461 Okay, call my assistant, you can pick my brain. 312 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,797 I just don't want it to be off the sidewalk. 313 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,341 Really, I got to go. I can't get killed. 314 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,842 I'm wearing new suede loafers. 315 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,846 Uber, an assistant, and suede loafers? 316 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,432 Are you for real? 317 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,020 -I hope I'm not intruding. -No, come in. 318 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,980 I was just brushing my new loafers. 319 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,191 I bought them as a break-up gift for myself. 320 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,443 But unlike my ex-girlfriend, these have a sole. 321 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,947 I didn't wanna mention the cat situation to your assistant. 322 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,700 Next thing you know, it's all over the lunch room. 323 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:11,369 Owen Charles Boyd's cat is a raw-dogger. 324 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,331 My business partner stepped on them. 325 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,707 Said it was an accident. Didn't feel like one. 326 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,668 One shoe, yes. But both? Highly unlikely. 327 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,588 Owen, sometimes in life, 328 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,466 it's not just an innocent cat that gets screwed. 329 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,594 A girl can get screwed as well. 330 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,429 Oh, hey, hi. What's happening? 331 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:35,601 As in, screwed by one bad business decision. 332 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,855 My partner, Max, and I recently invested all of our savings-- 333 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,731 Well, here, take a look. 334 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,942 My coffee! My loafer! 335 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,736 My coffee's on my loafer! 336 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:49,240 -Here, let me. -No, you dab. 337 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,533 You don't wipe suede. You dab. 338 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,869 Dab. Dab. I'm sorry. 339 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:55,371 I used to know that. That's Rich 101. 340 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:59,500 Let me just go find some water and I'll dab, not wipe, this out. 341 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,379 We're not done yet. I'm going back in. 342 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,923 It's going really well though. Where's water? 343 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,884 Do you know how to unsend an email? 344 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:11,471 If I did, my rich ex-boyfriend would've never found out 345 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,472 what I thought of his lisp and I'd be living 346 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,600 in the "thouth of Franth" right now. 347 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,768 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 348 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:18,894 Where is he? 349 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,648 He needs to see these adorable bastards. 350 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,860 Max, how did you find me here? I told you I was going on a think walk. 351 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,821 I followed you. 352 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,155 I never noticed how much you check yourself in store windows. 353 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,033 You have a problem. 354 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,411 Do either of you know a way to turn the phrase, 355 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,496 "self-absorbed, ridiculous pig" into a compliment? 356 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:41,125 If I did, I'd still be on The Apprentice. 357 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,211 Owen's going to see that email and I'm going to get fired. 358 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,588 I have to start paying attention to details. 359 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:48,883 I'm just gonna go back in. 360 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,427 What? I don't care. 361 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,302 Not without me you're not. 362 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,222 Max, please, let me handle this. I'm begging you. 363 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,225 We're getting close. Look, I'm holding his shoe. 364 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:01,479 If he doesn't step up here, these kittens will feel neglected. 365 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,857 And it is only a matter of time till they are waitressing or worse. 366 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,442 Max, you're wrong. 367 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,778 There's nothing worse than waitressing. 368 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:13,450 Max, stop! You'll ruin everything. I can fix this and us. 369 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,992 We are beyond help! 370 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,244 It's all about these kittens. 371 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:18,747 -Now move, I got this. -No, I got this. 372 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,789 - I got this. - I got this. 373 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,544 -My God. -What the hell is happening? 374 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:26,880 That's right. 375 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,798 I came to your office with a basket of cats. 376 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,093 Max, I'm so sorry. 377 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,345 Yeah, well, he's the one who should be sorry. 378 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:38,432 I want you to look these kittens in the whiskers 379 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,685 and tell them that Dickens is not their father. 380 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,105 What makes you think they're mine. Why? 381 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:48,401 Because they look just like Dickens when he was a tiny baby kitten. 382 00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:52,614 And this one's even cuter. And that one. 383 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,573 I'll take them all. 384 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,034 But not that one. Seems a little off. 385 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,993 Not quite as alert as the others. 386 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,621 Oh. 387 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:03,208 -She's not good enough for you? -Max. Projecting. 388 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,084 I'm not projecting. He said she's not good enough. 389 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,627 What? 390 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,255 Just because she was unplanned and not good at math? 391 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,508 Developed boobs way too early? 392 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,343 Okay, fine. I'm projecting. 393 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,761 What is going on? Caroline, are we gonna hook up or what? 394 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,846 This is the weirdest foreplay ever. 395 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,183 Hook up? What would make you think I want to hook up? 396 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,728 Because I business flirted? 397 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,730 That's Wharton 101. 398 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,231 It was more than business flirting. 399 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,482 You begged to come to my office, 400 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,234 show up wearing a see-through shirt. 401 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,488 That was not by choice. It is cheaply made. 402 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,740 I came here to talk to you about our business, 403 00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,451 and possibly get you to invest in a small, but spirited-- 404 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,287 Invest? This is the financial capital of the world. 405 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:42,872 Yes, it is. 406 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:46,416 Why would I invest in a desperate little cupcake shop? 407 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,545 BOTH: You! 408 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,589 That's it! No cats for you. 409 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:53,842 You know what? 410 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,552 You are a self-absorbed, ridiculous pig. 411 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,637 -Says you. -(SCOFFS) And your assistant. 412 00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,888 Check your email. 413 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,769 I was able to unsend it. Yay! 414 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,817 Yeah, might want to re-ignite that LinkedIn profile. 415 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,152 You're gonna be home a lot more. You want a cat? 416 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,160 Thanks for taking the kittens, Han. 417 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,496 I feel you have an understanding of small creatures, 418 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,955 being one yourself. 419 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,667 Have no fear, my building is loaded with lesbians. 420 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,962 They take home rescue cats faster than they take home other lesbians. 421 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,048 Okay, let's discuss my terms. 422 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:38,385 Unlike all my non-animal children, I wanna know they're taken care of. 423 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:41,471 What part of lesbian don't you understand? 424 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,767 They'll be swaddled in a flannel shirt by nightfall. 425 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,811 Okay, now this one, I call Junkie. 426 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,064 Because he's got a serious catnip problem. 427 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,650 Oh, so you raised a drug addict within a week. 428 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:53,942 Sounds about right. 429 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,278 These two should try and stay together. 430 00:19:56,362 --> 00:20:00,407 We call them Game of Thrones One and Game of Thrones Two. 431 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,451 Because they're siblings and lovers. 432 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,203 This one's the boy. 433 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,707 Watch him and learn what humping looks like. 434 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,501 This one's pretty bland. 435 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,712 She lays around, doesn't meow much. 436 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,007 And when she does, she's kind of phoning it in. 437 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:19,218 -We call her Amy Adams. -Yep. 438 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,930 This last one gets special attention. 439 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,390 She's the smallest, but she's got potential. 440 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:26,433 I mean, look at those nipples. 441 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:29,354 And now the nipples are all I see. 442 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,941 Have a nice life. I'll find you on Instagram. 443 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:35,317 Check out Grumpy Cat. Do what he does. 444 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,863 Well, bye, kitties. And remember, stripping isn't dancing. 445 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,366 And now all I can see is them wearing pasties. 446 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,077 You know what, Max? 447 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,079 We don't need that rich guy to fix our business. 448 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,538 We can do it ourselves. 449 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:50,625 Who am I kidding? Our business is in worse shape 450 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,835 than two retired guys in a golf cart. 451 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,213 Well, you know what we'd better fix? Nancy. 452 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,257 Because he was right, she's a slut. 453 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,759 Someone just found her 69-ing a tabby in the alley. 454 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,555 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 455 00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:09,184 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 456 00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,288 (English US - SDH)