1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,504
Oleg, the people at table two
want to know

2
00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:04,671
what's in the veggie burger.

3
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,466
No. They don't.

4
00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:12,887
Ah, that's fine.
They wanted refills,

5
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,307
so I'm probably not gonna go
back there anyway.

6
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,641
Where's Max?

7
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,227
This plate has been here
so long,

8
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,646
the salmon is turning
into Salmonella.

9
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:25,650
She took a break
with the new dishwasher.

10
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,653
Max, I thought you slipped out
the back.

11
00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,907
He did for a minute
but I popped him back in.

12
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,789
This just in,
work is so much more fun

13
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,417
when you're sleeping
with a co-worker.

14
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:46,463
Max, that was good.
It was five Hail Marys good.

15
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,883
I think we made
these dishes dirtier.

16
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,552
Max, he's cute,

17
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,347
but how can you even stay hard
with that accent?

18
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,603
"Come here, Max.
I wanna hump you a wee bit."

19
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,939
What can I say,

20
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,358
I always had a thing for the guy
on the box of Lucky Charms.

21
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,780
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

22
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,364
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

23
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,375
Hey, everybody.

24
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,171
Look, I got me a Fitbit.

25
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:31,884
12, 13, 14, 15...

26
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,468
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)

27
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,012
Only 200,000 more steps

28
00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:38,432
before I get a bit more fit
for my wedding.

29
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,058
That's impressive.

30
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:43,395
I couldn't even make it
through 12 steps.

31
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:48,234
Hey, Max.
How's my maid of honor?

32
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:53,112
Hey, Caroline. How's my
run-of-the-mill wedding guest?

33
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,075
I'm doing great.

34
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,492
Did that sound convincing?

35
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:58,786
'Cause I've been practicing it

36
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,912
in the bathroom mirror
for an hour every morning.

37
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:04,457
I know, I've got to stop sitting
on the toilet while you do that.

38
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,419
Max, let's talk
bridesmaid dresses.

39
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,129
I don't care,
I'll wear anything.

40
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:13,092
I wore a Greyhound Bus
driver's uniform to my prom.

41
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,760
I was coming straight from work.

42
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,722
Well, I have decided

43
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,599
to wear Grandma Kachinsky's
wedding gown.

44
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,103
Yeah, all of the women
in my family wore it.

45
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,605
Everyone except aunts Svetti
and Letti

46
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,401
'cause, well, they're attached
at the abdomen.

47
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,278
There she is.

48
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,574
The hot sauce
for my Huevos Mancheros.

49
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,122
Hey, Sophie, baby,
I got you what you want.

50
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,667
Oleg, no one wants hepatitis.

51
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,045
It's official.

52
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,840
Our wedding's gonna be
in The Times.

53
00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,884
Oleg, how are you gonna be
in The Times?

54
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,677
The Times tends to be picky

55
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,639
and you tend to be more
"picky your nose."

56
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:04,810
You know, my second wedding
made The Times.

57
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:08,563
'Cause my first wife showed up
and shot me in the leg.

58
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,025
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

59
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:16,487
That's Vlanka, my sister.
She's my other bridesmaid.

60
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,740
Yeah, we're not that close

61
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,575
but I feel bad for her

62
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,704
'cause she's one
of those adults with freckles.

63
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,627
Max, you're gonna be
in The Times.

64
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:33,631
In The Times, wearing God knows
what Sophie will pick.

65
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:38,426
I mean, she has a drawer full
of diamond tiaras for the gym.

66
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,057
Hello, what are you two
talking about?

67
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,893
Deciding which tables to ignore?

68
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,937
We're talking about
Sophie's taste.

69
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:51,397
Oh, bitch, please.

70
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,441
Come on.

71
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:56,069
My morning fiber cookie
has better taste than Sophie.

72
00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,491
Girls, Vlanka's out.

73
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,076
She has an attitude
and freckles.

74
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,955
Yeah. I mean, that's too far.

75
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,751
So, Caroline, congratulations.

76
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,252
You're my new bridesmaid.

77
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,846
Okay, I found a
bridesmaid's dress that I like.

78
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,348
But the only way
we can afford it

79
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,100
is if I sell you to that
Armenian guy on Craigslist.

80
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:31,437
No way. I get sick
of hummus after four bites.

81
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,856
Max, we have
to take charge of this.

82
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,733
Because whatever dress
Sophie picks

83
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,235
is like a Tyler Perry movie.

84
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:40,906
I don't have to see it
to know it's gonna be awful.

85
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,744
We'll find something classy,
and beautiful

86
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,288
and just shove it
down her throat.

87
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,125
Who's shoving what down whom?

88
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:55,838
And if you don't have a story,
I do.

89
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,843
John, Max and I got roped
into being bridesmaids.

90
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:05,305
Stop. You had me at rope.
You lost me at bridesmaids.

91
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,057
I'll be at the hostess stand,
looking at dresses

92
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,935
and silently wishing
for an asteroid

93
00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,228
to wipe us off the planet.

94
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,312
If wishes made things happen,

95
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,274
we'd been in the middle of a
zombie apocalypse right now.

96
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,528
Hey, girls.

97
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,362
My dress just arrived
from Poland

98
00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:23,574
and I'm busting for you
to see it.

99
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,951
See it while I eat one
of your $14 puddings.

100
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,247
Sophie, I've been looking
at color choices

101
00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:32,582
and how would you feel
about us in a nude?

102
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,375
Max could go nude

103
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,795
but you don't have the rack
to pull it off.

104
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,507
Does anyone have a knife?

105
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,180
Max, why do you have
a switchblade

106
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,680
to work in a dessert bar?

107
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,808
My mother always told me
to carry protection.

108
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,898
Wait 'til you see
Grandma Kachinsky's dress.

109
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,274
They don't make them like
they used to.

110
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,235
You know, forced gypsy labor
is illegal now.

111
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:05,074
Here we go.

112
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,329
-(GROANING)
-(COUGHING)

113
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:13,999
Sophie, was your grandma
the Crypt Keeper?

114
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,586
What's going on out here?

115
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,798
What's all that white powder
in the air?

116
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:24,927
I'm trying to run a restaurant,
not an 80's disco.

117
00:06:25,009 --> 00:06:27,221
Oh, put a sock in it.

118
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,682
I'm buying one of your freaking
overpriced puddings.

119
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:37,980
I'd get mad but I'm mildly
attracted to you right now.

120
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,235
Just mildly?

121
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,403
I mean, now I'm getting mad.

122
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,531
Sorry. Wedding drama.

123
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,449
Her dress just fell completely
to pieces

124
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:51,327
like I'm assuming I'll be doing
in the near future.

125
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,624
Whatever you need bridal,
go to Rosenfeld's in Brooklyn.

126
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,459
That's where I got my dress
when I was broke and straight.

127
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:02,338
So you weren't always
into women?

128
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,173
Of course I was.

129
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,968
Except those three years
in Scientology.

130
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,307
Well, it looks like
the three of us

131
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,269
are going to go
dress shopping now. Yeah.

132
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,812
And, you know,
I got to go wash my hands

133
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,899
'cause they're covered
in old lady DNA.

134
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,446
Well, that's that.

135
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,156
Shopping with Sophie is like

136
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,367
when I worked
in a Thai massage parlor.

137
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:33,245
We are going down.

138
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,418
Not if we go before Sophie

139
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,752
and hide every
ugly bridesmaid's dress

140
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:42,754
that Sophie would like.

141
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,465
If she can't see them,
she can't make us wear them.

142
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,593
How did you come up with that
so fast?

143
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,427
It's the same plan I used
in 2010

144
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,680
when I was a bridesmaid
for Chelsea Clinton.

145
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:55,225
Bad dress and then her father
followed me into the coat room.

146
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:03,483
Oh, wow. Look at this place.
It reminds me of that movie.

147
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,319
- Bridesmaids?
-No, Nightmare on Elm Street.

148
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,031
I don't know what you're
worried about, Caroline.

149
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,783
I think
they're all quite lovely.

150
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:15,370
Nash, please. You're a
poor person from Ireland.

151
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,749
I'll ask your opinion
when I need to know

152
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,418
where to go
to get free leg braces.

153
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:27,591
You were right, Max.
She can be a real "B" sometimes.

154
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,134
I'm sorry, but I don't even know
why he's here.

155
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,971
Bonin' O'Brien here...

156
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,644
is gonna distract
the sales lady

157
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,437
while we hide the ugly dresses.

158
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,981
-Hello, ladies.
-Same plan.

159
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,193
Who's the lucky bride?

160
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:50,113
Or should I say,
who's the lucky cradle robber?

161
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,865
(LAUGHS)

162
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,200
Don't mind me.

163
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,159
It's just my crazy
sense of humor.

164
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:57,037
Oh, the ladies here love it.

165
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,121
The call me "Crazy Carl."

166
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,500
"Did you hear
what Crazy Carl said?"

167
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,671
They just love it.

168
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,004
I'm Caroline.

169
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,131
This is Max
and he isn't the groom.

170
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,344
No, no, no.
He's single and gay.

171
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,264
Yes. So gay, he got kicked out
of One Direction.

172
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,937
Why don't you two
walk off somewhere

173
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,856
and share poignant
coming-out stories.

174
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,360
-Go.
-But Max--

175
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,946
Oh, you heard the women, go.

176
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:36,701
Can do. Ladies, look around,
we'll be back in about a month.

177
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,870
Tahiti anyone?
I'm just Crazy Carl.

178
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,456
The ladies love it.

179
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,918
Bridesmaid's dresses
should be called what they are.

180
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:49,130
Really expensive donations
to Goodwill.

181
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:52,717
-Is this one bad?
-No. That's a Vera Wang.

182
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:58,139
But this is a very wrong.
Hide it.

183
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,519
And it's evil twin.

184
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,104
(CHUCKLES)

185
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:07,149
I didn't know hazmat suits
came with feathers.

186
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,653
Oh, my God.

187
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:14,740
This the worst thing
I've ever seen.

188
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,116
And I've seen a prostitute
change her tampon

189
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,119
on the sidewalk.

190
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,746
Who are you calling
a prostitute?

191
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:32,090
This, we've got to hide.
I can't get this dress off.

192
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,466
Just tell it you work at Google

193
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,427
and you're thinking
of settling down.

194
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:38,096
Lift it up. Lift it up.
Dump it back there.

195
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:43,059
Stop.
You put Butterscotch Betty down.

196
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,229
Oh, we were just looking
for a price tag.

197
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,148
I know what's going on here.

198
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,774
You're hiding the good dresses

199
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,400
to make sure no one else
can get them

200
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,945
at our annual half-off sale
tomorrow.

201
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,657
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
We're hiding the good dresses.

202
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:01,160
In fact, I just caught
another Sneaky Sue.

203
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,788
Oh, I'm Sophie.

204
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:09,211
Oh, wow, wow, wow!

205
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:14,256
Oh, look at the color.

206
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,635
That's not color.
That's radiation.

207
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,346
That dress is a one of a kind.

208
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,307
-Meaning there's only one?
-No, we have two.

209
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,977
And I have two bridesmaids.

210
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,941
I love it when life
works out perfect like this.

211
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:39,323
Ladies, our half-off sale
will begin in a minute.

212
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:40,826
Look at this place.

213
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,994
There are more desperate women
crammed in here

214
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:46,206
than the splash zone
at a Kenny Chesney concert.

215
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:50,043
I know. It's like
Black Friday at Walmart.

216
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,378
And like Black Friday,

217
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,629
hopefully someone
will trample me.

218
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,799
'Cause thanks to these dresses,
my life is over.

219
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,386
Max, did you hear me?
My life is over.

220
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,471
You said that
when the Chinese food place

221
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,182
forgot the duck sauce.

222
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,350
Well, I'm sorry,

223
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,269
but I had a whole other scenario
planned

224
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,062
for my return to The Times.

225
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:12,190
"Entrepreneur rises
from the ashes."

226
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,942
Now, I'm just gonna be
in The Times,

227
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,027
looking like a stupid ash.

228
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,279
Shoot, girl,
just push on through.

229
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,573
I'm pushing, girl.
I am pushing.

230
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:23,159
-Excuse us. Excuse us.
-Excuse us. Excuse us.

231
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,202
-Excuse us.
-Excuse us.

232
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,955
Just go, girl.

233
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:30,292
I don't want anybody else
to get those two yellow dresses.

234
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,378
Max, did you hear that?

235
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,130
Someone has worse taste
than Sophie.

236
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,548
Let them through.

237
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676
Now we just have
to hang back here

238
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,177
and let them get
to those dresses first.

239
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,221
Yay. My life is good again.

240
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:47,517
Max, Caroline, up here!

241
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,604
What was that, like, a second?

242
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:54,774
I saved you a space upfront.
Come on!

243
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,775
Well, it's over.

244
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,153
As soon as they cut that ribbon,

245
00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,738
Sophie's gonna Marshawn Lynch

246
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,240
everyone who gets in the way
of us and those dresses.

247
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,533
There's only one way
out of this.

248
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,868
And you called it earlier.

249
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,578
You have
to let them trample you.

250
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,788
I'm serious.

251
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,667
I'm not about to be trampled
on purpose.

252
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,085
See if you still feel that way

253
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,879
after I say
these next few words.

254
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,963
"Pictured from left,
Caroline Channing."

255
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:21,884
Try to fend off any heels
you see heading for my eyes.

256
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,678
Attention, ladies.

257
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,264
As you see,
I have the big scissors,

258
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:31,811
which can only mean it's time
to trim some nose hairs.

259
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,272
(LAUGHTER)

260
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:37,399
That Carl is crazy.

261
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,861
The annual bridal sale is now...

262
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,697
-Max, hold my hand.
-open.

263
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,990
(SCREAMING)

264
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:51,873
Ladies, ladies, one at a time.

265
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,250
-(YELPS)
-(THUD)

266
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,836
Well, I may be limping
down the aisle

267
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,673
but at least I won't be limping
in something Swiffer might sell

268
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,966
to dust off ceiling fans.

269
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,635
(GIRL SCREAMS)

270
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,303
Oh, my God, girl!
Here she comes!

271
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,389
Here she comes!

272
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,269
My girl, Rhonda,
had that dress first.

273
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,312
Oh, your girl is gonna have
to pry it

274
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,980
out of my cold, dead hands.

275
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,734
Hey, Max, Caroline!
Try it on!

276
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,948
Follow me to the changing room.

277
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,461
CAROLINE: I'm never coming out
in this dress, I'm scared.

278
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,966
On the count of one, two...

279
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,596
Maybe it's not that bad.

280
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,644
-It's bad.
-It's bad.

281
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,649
Okay. So you're telling me,
Versace got murdered

282
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:03,820
but no one's taken out
whoever made these?

283
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,572
I know.

284
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,365
I feel like Tweety Bird
is gonna sue us

285
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,159
for copyright infringement.

286
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:15,456
I feel like we should have giant
toilet paper rolls under here.

287
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,375
Well, maybe
we'll like these better

288
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,960
when we're out
of this bright light.

289
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,087
Max, we are the bright light.

290
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:27,052
Ladies, you forgot
the matching hats.

291
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,471
There's more?

292
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:34,058
Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax,
it's mine.

293
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,394
It was knocked out of my hand
by two women duking it out

294
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,273
over a chintz mermaid dress.

295
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,610
Oh, now it looks good.

296
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:53,370
There's Xanax on the loose
and I'm just standing here?

297
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,537
At least if I was high,

298
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,248
I'd have an excuse
to be wearing this.

299
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,042
Here pilly, pilly.

300
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:02,128
Here pilly, pilly, pilly.

301
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:07,091
Girl, for real, you look like
straight up crap in that dress.

302
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,136
For real. You white girls
can't pull that color off.

303
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,972
That's a waste
of popping lemon yellow.

304
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,351
I know.
I am way too white for this.

305
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,105
She's also too white
to say "turnt up" all the time

306
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:21,690
but that hasn't stopped her.

307
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,235
This dress was not my choice.

308
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,570
I hate everything about it.
This is a disaster.

309
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:31,198
-This is "Dressageddon."
-Yeah, but in a good way.

310
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:35,620
You two don't wanna wear
the dresses?

311
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,330
You don't have to.

312
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,331
But I thought you wanted us

313
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,459
to match the balloons
and the ducks.

314
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,088
Max, she said we don't have
to wear the dress.

315
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,298
Don't question her.

316
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,591
That's like questioning
a prison guard

317
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,427
when he says you're free to go.

318
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,639
Sophie, are you sure
you don't care?

319
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,558
Oh, yeah. Sure.

320
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,979
Yeah, they're all yours,
Destiny's Child.

321
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,992
This is 10 pounds of ugly junk.

322
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,787
Reminds me of this bartender,
Pete, I used to date.

323
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,957
Come to think of it,
that made me gag, too.

324
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,501
Okay. Done.

325
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,296
(WOMAN SOBS)

326
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:30,090
Listen, crying
in a women's dressing room?

327
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:33,427
Whoever it is, girl,
big butts are in.

328
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,473
(SOBBING CONTINUES)

329
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,558
That's Sophie's cry.

330
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,102
I know, because I hear it
through the vent

331
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,938
when she watches Nashville.

332
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,317
Sophie?

333
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,402
SOPHIE: No.

334
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,447
Are you okay?

335
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,451
It's not me, but I'm okay.

336
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,330
(CRYING)

337
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,458
Sophie, why are you crying?

338
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:07,211
When I heard what you said
about the dresses...

339
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:13,175
It's just--
It's almost, kind of like,

340
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,054
you think I have bad taste
or something.

341
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,598
No.

342
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,479
Caroline thinks
you have great taste.

343
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:29,192
Wha... She does?

344
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,569
Well, then she should say so.

345
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,239
Now.

346
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:42,747
Well, Sophie, I think
you have your own unique style.

347
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,040
And I think

348
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:50,755
that I didn't hear
the words "great" or "taste."

349
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,589
Sophie, what do you even care
what I think?

350
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,715
Just say it.

351
00:18:53,842 --> 00:19:00,138
Sophie,
I think you have great taste.

352
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,474
You do?

353
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,271
(LAUGHING)

354
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,731
Then, what are we doing
sitting here?

355
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,694
Let's go
and get those dresses back.

356
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,489
Come on. Help me.

357
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,537
Those other girls
already took them.

358
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,080
What?

359
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,380
Well, at least we don't have
to wear those ugly,

360
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,715
yellow bridesmaid's dresses
at the wedding.

361
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,467
Yup. Now, you only have
to wear ugly,

362
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,177
yellow dresses here
every night.

363
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,221
This is the best thing
that's happened to me

364
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,098
since I realized that weird mole
on my arm

365
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,268
was just a Grape-Nut
and not cancer.

366
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,729
Girls, great news.

367
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:51,316
You stuffed Han in the microwave
and you're ready to hit power?

368
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:54,527
Come on. We've tried.
You know he doesn't fit.

369
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,945
The one thing he's too big for.

370
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,657
No, I got Ilia Jorbich
to be our wedding photographer.

371
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,702
He's the best photographer
at The Warsaw Times.

372
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,998
Well, he's the only one
who still has both arms.

373
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,292
Wait, it's The Warsaw Times?

374
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,086
All this time,
I've been thinking it was

375
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,796
The New York Times.

376
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,213
New York Times?

377
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,758
This is much more exclusive.

378
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,509
You can only get it
in two places.

379
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:22,055
Poland and the deli in
New Jersey that sells missiles.

380
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,097
This is amazing.

381
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,393
My comeback in The New York
Times has been preserved.

382
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,770
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and smile.

383
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,689
My life is good again.

384
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,566
Don't smile yet
'cause Sophie told me

385
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,943
that because you said
she has such great taste,

386
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:38,445
she's designing
our dresses herself.

387
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,990
-What was that, like a second?
-Yup.

388
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,161
You just went from the best
of times to The Warsaw Times.

389
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,208
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

390
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,127
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

391
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,983
(English US - SDH)