1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,588
Miss? I have to apologize.

2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,673
Well, not to me.

3
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,006
But I'm sure the Amish are pissed

4
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:08,384
that you're gaying up their look.

5
00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:13,555
I don't have enough money for the tip.

6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:14,932
Weird.

7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,307
You survived the diner chili,

8
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,893
and it's the waitress that kills you!

9
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,353
But I can tip another way.

10
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,605
I'm a psychic.

11
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:25,109
So, you already know where
they're gonna find your body.

12
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,152
Oh, please.

13
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,905
I die in a bridge collapse
you have nothing to do with.

14
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,991
I can tell you your future.

15
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,076
Ha! You're wrong.
I don't have one.

16
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,789
See the guy in the booth
over there?

17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,292
Jared "Leto Himself Go"?

18
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,712
He just offered to
read my future as my tip!

19
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,296
Ha! You don't have one.

20
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,011
Miss, let me read your palm.

21
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,972
Sir, coming over here right now
is not a good idea.

22
00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:57,057
We don't like to be stiffed
by strangers.

23
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,393
In six months, maybe,
but we're not there yet.

24
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,103
I'm a legit psychic.

25
00:01:02,188 --> 00:01:04,272
I predicted
long hair was coming back

26
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,233
in time to have long hair when it did.

27
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,069
Okay, you can read my palm.
I could use some good news.

28
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,781
I could also
use some hand moisturizer.

29
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,615
Sorry.

30
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,950
I see two M's?

31
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:19,162
You bitch! Have you been
holding out on M&M's?

32
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:25,710
Ooh! Is it the "male model
I'm managing"

33
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:29,048
who's also making it with Max?

34
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:34,093
Actually, I see a small failure.

35
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,643
I take it back. You are good!

36
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,063
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

37
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:45,897
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

38
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,995
Here's your chocolate lemon crumble.

39
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,665
Sounds like it shouldn't work
together, but it does.

40
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,751
It's the Tony Bennett
and Lady Gaga of desserts.

41
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,753
Max, can I have just a wee bite?

42
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,256
A crumble of the crumble?

43
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,841
Caroline won't let me eat anything

44
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,217
because of my big photo shoot.

45
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,179
(GROANS) Hurry! No chewing,
no enjoying. Just swallow.

46
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,014
Spit that out!

47
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,181
No!

48
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,141
I said spit that out!

49
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,436
You're a model now!
Shame on you!

50
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,313
Bitch, he's starving.

51
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,609
He's not eating, is he?

52
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,819
I don't want
the Stay Puft Marshmallow man

53
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,197
showing up
at my girlfriend's photo shoot.

54
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:38,241
I haven't eaten anything
since Tuesday!

55
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,493
This morning, he tried to
swallow his toothpaste,

56
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:42,121
but I was right there
to stop him.

57
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,913
Good, honey.

58
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,000
That kind of heartlessness
is why I've decided

59
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,293
to make you the manager

60
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,336
of our hot new location
of the High.

61
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,756
Oh, my God! This is so exciting!

62
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,009
Someone's finally realizing
my full potential,

63
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,301
and it's not me!

64
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,763
Will I be able to make Max
head pastry chef?

65
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,890
And where is this new location?

66
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,558
Well, right now,
everything's under wraps,

67
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,769
the way my face was
six months ago.

68
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,063
But as manager,
you can hire your own staff,

69
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,941
and I'll even let you poach Max.

70
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,569
I'll also tell you
the new spot is amazing.

71
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,197
It's international. It's a hub.

72
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:19,408
I'm talking major flagship.

73
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:23,954
Honey, I get that you're happy,
but enough with the eye contact.

74
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,122
No one can look me in the eye.

75
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,667
I'm the Medusa in Chanel.

76
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,087
Max doesn't let me look her
in the eyes during sex either.

77
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,090
I told you, eye contact's extra.

78
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,929
Max, did you hear that?
Major flagship!

79
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,805
Uh, did someone just call me
a major flag?

80
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,350
I think you did.

81
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,353
And if I don't get to go
to the new place with you two,

82
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,812
I'm telling HR.

83
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,897
That's Hector Rodriguez,
my therapist.

84
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,110
Would you be interested in
coming to the new High

85
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,361
as part of our team?

86
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:57,737
If you say "part of our team"
again,

87
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,198
I'll rethink the whole thing.

88
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,407
I'll take it.

89
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,158
But I have to be
upfront with Max.

90
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,534
I don't like it in the back.

91
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,121
Which, by the way,
is what I say to all my dates.

92
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,207
Samesies!

93
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,586
Well, this is great news.

94
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,170
How about we celebrate
with a piece of pie?

95
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:15,254
No!

96
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,846
Earl, we have great news.
Guess what it is.

97
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,766
No, don't. Okay, guess.
No, don't. Yes, guess, guess!

98
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,475
Can we hurry this along?

99
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,728
My cousin is on
Maury Povich today.

100
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,814
And I wanna find out
if he's the father.

101
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,442
Because then
I can stop paying child support.

102
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,446
Sorry, she's a little amped.

103
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,613
She hasn't had
good news to share

104
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,783
since we found our
washing machine in our basement

105
00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:43,908
takes buttons.

106
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,286
Han, we have good news.

107
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,497
Sure, you do.

108
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:51,375
And I'm playing center
for the New York Knicks!

109
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,961
Have you seen the Knicks lately?
He can only help.

110
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,257
Well, according to my time card,

111
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,966
I've been here
for six hours already.

112
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,386
So I'm gonna go in back
and catch some Zs.

113
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,055
The mattress is all yours, Max.

114
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,560
Hey, everybody.
We weren't expecting company.

115
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:14,189
I came by to discuss
wedding details with Oleg

116
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,940
while we had intercourse.

117
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,069
What is this, the Bunny Ranch?

118
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,281
Baby, I think these are yours.

119
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:30,247
Yeah. Yeah.
Why, thank you, honey.

120
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,832
Can we just make it a general rule

121
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,877
that there's no fornication
in the diner?

122
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,088
Yeah, or in Han's apartment, ever.

123
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,050
Okay, Max and I
have some really exciting news.

124
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:44,762
Yeah, yeah.
We know all about the buttons.

125
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,682
Oleg!

126
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:51,685
I think you crushed
my seating arrangement!

127
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,687
I'd like to think so.

128
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,317
-So, back to us.
-How about back to work?

129
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,819
Max and I...

130
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,447
Need to do some work!

131
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,908
There. End of news.

132
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,579
Where are you running off to so fast?

133
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,083
Is someone having a sale
on smaller heads?

134
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,502
I'm too small, I'm too big.
Pick one!

135
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,338
Here's our big news.

136
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,048
You are looking at the manager

137
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,384
and the head pastry chef
of the brand-new High location.

138
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,346
Actually,
he's looking at our kneecaps.

139
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,391
Okay, so we're going with
too small.

140
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:35,603
If you two quit the diner,
how will I ever replace you?

141
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,189
Unless I hire,
literally, anyone else!

142
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,360
No, Han, we still have
to work here at night.

143
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,403
We have more debt

144
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,904
than Jada Pinkett-Smith
has excuses

145
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,322
for Will not being home.

146
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,369
But at the new High,

147
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,788
we're gonna be the big bosses
calling all the shots.

148
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,206
Yes, yes, by day.

149
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:58,793
But by night,
you'll be the coleslaw's bitch.

150
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,713
Don't listen to him.

151
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:05,091
Clearly, Han just resents
our success.

152
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,343
I know!

153
00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:08,595
Why can't women ever
just be happy for each other?

154
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,394
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

155
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,646
-Wow, that is really hot.
-Yeah.

156
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,858
The milder salsa's right here.

157
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,237
Listen. Oh! Do girls eat now?

158
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:30,242
Wow.
Lena Dunham changed everything!

159
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,954
Listen, which one of you
is sleeping with the model?

160
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,372
I know one of you said you were,

161
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:36,956
but I don't listen
when you talk.

162
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,168
She is.

163
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,379
This is a massive ad campaign.

164
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,382
and I don't know how else
to say this.

165
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,968
But I need his penis
to look bigger.

166
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:52,471
Oh! Yeah, it gets nervous
when you shine a light on it.

167
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,185
Sometimes I hear her coaxing it

168
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,810
out of its crawl space
with treats.

169
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,396
Well, do something.

170
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,857
I haven't touched one
since college.

171
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,358
And even then it was
just to look under it

172
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:04,358
for my keys.

173
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,154
Max, take him off set.
Be professional.

174
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,781
How professional can I be?

175
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,949
She's asking me to
fluff his nutter.

176
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,994
Yo, Nash! Break time.

177
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,663
So, Marie.

178
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,125
Did Joe tell you
about my big new job promotion?

179
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,375
Of course she did.

180
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,379
We're lesbians.
Talking is most of what we do.

181
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,507
It's why we rule daytime.

182
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,718
(SPEAKING IN IRISH ACCENT)
Uh... Pardon me.

183
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,803
You, maybe.

184
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,722
That coat, never.

185
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,225
I'm looking for someone.

186
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,144
You also look like an extra
from Angela's Ashes.

187
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,730
But this is a private shoot,

188
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:45,149
as in we're shooting
someone's privates.

189
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,653
I'm looking for me son.

190
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:51,697
Okay, people!
The groundhog's out of the hole!

191
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,201
Six more inches of winter.

192
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:58,038
That's him! That's me boy!

193
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,831
-Ma?
-Huh?

194
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,585
Ma, how did you know
I was in New York?

195
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,086
Oh, no, you saw me

196
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,129
in the Today Show window,
didn't ya?

197
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:11,551
You checked into "America"
on Facebook, you bleeding idiot.

198
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,971
I flew all the way and been
lookin' for you day and night

199
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,932
in this dirty, God forsaken city
for a week.

200
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,850
I'm taking you home.

201
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,144
Ma'am, Nash can make
his own decisions.

202
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,437
He's a grown man.

203
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:25,440
Yep. Thanks to my handiwork.

204
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:29,735
He's no grown man.
He's just now 18.

205
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,779
He's got his prom next month!

206
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:36,534
I can't believe it!
I had sex with a teenager!

207
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,370
Who am I, Woody Allen?

208
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,498
Roman Polanski?

209
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,626
Pretty much any of your big-time
'70s movie directors?

210
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,963
You had sex with
me innocent child?

211
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,966
Not so innocent.

212
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,591
He made me blush a few times,

213
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,927
and I have two positions
named after me.

214
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:57,847
Well, that's that.

215
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,684
You've seen the last
of big booby dirty girl here.

216
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,645
I'd object, but
when you're right, you're right.

217
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,816
But, Ma, I like New York.

218
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,110
People want to take pictures
of me willy here.

219
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,278
This is all me fault.

220
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:15,407
I should have never let you
watch that Magic Mike.

221
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:21,038
That's great.
I don't have a model now.

222
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,581
I'm Seal.

223
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,750
Wait until I tell Joe
about this.

224
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,711
How can you not know
how old he is?

225
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:31,630
What can I say?
We're a typical couple!

226
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,634
He lied about his age, and I
pretended he was interesting.

227
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,014
Okay, Max, when Joe gets here,

228
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,975
I'm just gonna tell her that me
managing an underage twink

229
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,394
has nothing to do
with me managing her restaurant

230
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,647
which sells overpriced twinkies.

231
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,692
Yeah, I'm sure she'll
be professional about it all.

232
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,068
Professional?

233
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,820
Yesterday, she slapped
a woman in here

234
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,529
for wearing cheap heels.

235
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,365
I know. My face is still red.

236
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,245
Here she is. Good morning, Joe!

237
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,496
Hey, ladies.

238
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,749
Well, obviously,
you're both fired.

239
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,418
Obviously.

240
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,212
Can I keep the hat? You are not
gonna want this back.

241
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,590
My head sweats
like a watermelon at a picnic.

242
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,552
Please don't fire us
over the Nash situation.

243
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,011
It was out of our hands.

244
00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:22,515
Actually, it was in her hands,
and it was only 18.

245
00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,726
You two embarrassed
my girlfriend.

246
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,520
And, embarrassment
in lesbian community

247
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,398
is worse than not owning a dog.

248
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,732
It's worse than
dating Anne Heche.

249
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,278
Oh, my God.
We committed a Heche crime.

250
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,030
How can we make it better?

251
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,700
Just get that kid back
to the photo shoot tomorrow,

252
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,451
and we're back in business.

253
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,245
And Max, next time,

254
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,456
stay out of his barely
legal business.

255
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,710
Done. Don't know how, but done.
You won't be sorry.

256
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,379
Just get him back,
because I gotta tell you.

257
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,841
Marie's crying face? Not for me.

258
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,179
Well, coleslaw.

259
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,892
Just when I thought I was out,
you pulled me back in again.

260
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,270
Max, don't tell
the coleslaw that.

261
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,897
Don't give it that power.

262
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,067
My plan to get Nash back
will work.

263
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,153
We still have a bright,
bright future.

264
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,863
Yes! By day.

265
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,200
Han, do you wanna spend
another night

266
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,076
in this coleslaw bucket?

267
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,578
No, and had I not been able

268
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,205
to roll myself
out to the street,

269
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,831
I might have suffocated!

270
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,379
Nash and his mom will be here
any minute, Max.

271
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,466
Do you really need to expose
60 percent of your boobs?

272
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,009
It's not up to me.

273
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,178
These girls have a life
of their own.

274
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,684
The right one just started
a Fleetwood Mac cover band.

275
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,395
You know how I know?

276
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,106
Because when I take my bra off,
it goes its own way.

277
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:00,447
Do you really think you can

278
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,907
get Nash's mother
to change her mind

279
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,700
when they come in to pick up
the rest of his stuff?

280
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,119
Yes, I do. Because she and I
have a lot in common.

281
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,870
I may not be Irish,
but I'm dirt poor,

282
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,414
and I'm living with someone
who drinks way too much.

283
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,250
Max, look.

284
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:16,754
All those purple post-its
are Sophie's friends and family.

285
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,923
My family's nowhere to be seen!

286
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:22,052
It's like I'm looking
at the last US census!

287
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,096
Hey, girls. Come over here.

288
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,014
We need your help
with the seating chart.

289
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,475
Yeah, you know,
planning a wedding is more work

290
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,894
than waxing Oleg's back
during a full moon.

291
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,524
Sophie, I have my own issue
right now.

292
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,609
Okay, well then Max can help me
with the chart

293
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,361
while you go worry about
your obviously thinning hair.

294
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,407
Uh, full disclosure.

295
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,576
The last time someone asked me
to help them with something,

296
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,577
I free-based
half their beard off.

297
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,121
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

298
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,000
I just got a text from Nash.

299
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,418
He's here?
I'll go get him a kid's menu.

300
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:58,797
They're not coming.

301
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,966
His mom found the racy pictures
I sent him.

302
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,596
"Flying out of JFK tomorrow.
Taking the morning Aer Lingus"?

303
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,057
A little morning "Aer Lingus"?

304
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:12,059
Isn't that what got Max
in trouble in the first place?

305
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,816
Okay, well, we just have to go
to the airport and stop them.

306
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,775
I'll buy us plane tickets
and then return them,

307
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,486
like I do with shoes
or Tom Cruise does with wives.

308
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,951
Jackets and shoes off!

309
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,370
And make sure
you check all your pockets.

310
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:33,956
Don't make me shut this airport
down for a piece of gum.

311
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:38,168
This line is longer
than the movie Gone Girl.

312
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,801
What does TSA stand for?
"Time Stands A-still"?

313
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,554
That's cute.
Never heard that one before.

314
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,932
Most people
just go with "This Sucks Ass."

315
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,894
Max, please don't
yell out again.

316
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,895
People get very jumpy
in airports.

317
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,481
Oh, what? It's not like I
screamed, "I have a bomb."

318
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,693
Miss, will you step over here,
please?

319
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,864
Oh, I was kidding.
I don't have a bomb.

320
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:08,741
But I have been known
to be DA bomb.

321
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,244
Max!

322
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,914
Please, please, if we step away,
we'll lose our place in line.

323
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,875
I know it sounds like
we're here to blow up a plane,

324
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,878
but we're really just here
to stop an underage kid

325
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,422
she had sex with
from leaving the country.

326
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,216
So I should come over there now.

327
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,470
Yep, you just been hand-picked

328
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,597
to join the "I don't trust you"
dance party.

329
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,894
May I see your tickets?

330
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,147
Nice day. I like your hair.

331
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,149
Thanks.

332
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,485
We're allowed to be creative
from the neck up.

333
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,615
Ooh, you traveling to Paris.
First-class.

334
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,993
In those jeans?

335
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,871
You got first-class tickets
to Paris?

336
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,206
Are you insane?

337
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,626
My fingers did it.
It was rich girl cellular memory.

338
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:04,254
And if we're not going anywhere,
why can't we not go to Paris?

339
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:05,881
And why can't we not go
to the Louvre?

340
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,176
And why can't we not stay in the
penthouse at the George Cinq

341
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,760
and not order room service?

342
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,264
Is it too late
for me to say I don't know her?

343
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,850
Ma'am, are you carrying
any explosives?

344
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,062
I had leftover Chipotle
for breakfast.

345
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,312
Does that count?

346
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,359
It does to whoever's
sitting next to you.

347
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,904
FRENCH WOMAN: (OVER SPEAKER)
Air France flight 113

348
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,907
will now begin boarding
at Gate 24.

349
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,241
Max, that's our flight.

350
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,786
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
"Air France, flight 113."

351
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,414
Ooh. I bet on the plane, they'll
have caviar and bellinis.

352
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,875
You know what won't be
on the plane?

353
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,336
Us! We're not going!

354
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,755
Have you been smoking the half
joint I have hidden in my bra?

355
00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:48,883
You have a joint?

356
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,844
Bank account?

357
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,389
You went through
security with pot?

358
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,390
I went through
third grade with pot.

359
00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,184
There he is. There's Nash.

360
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,062
I'm sure his mom is asking

361
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,230
if he can visit the cockpit
and meet the pilot.

362
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,277
Wow. He's young.

363
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:08,694
So young, Bruce Jenner

364
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,739
has been a woman
most of his life.

365
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,576
Nash! Please. You can't go.

366
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:18,121
Our entire lives depend on you
finishing that photo shoot.

367
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:21,082
Nash Terrence O'Brien,
you're not going anywhere.

368
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,084
Or I'll take you over my knee
right here.

369
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,336
Well, he likes that.

370
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,672
Well, you!

371
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:31,300
You are just loose as a goose,
aren't ya?

372
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,012
Again, when you're right,
you're right.

373
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,974
Max, let me talk
to Mrs. O'Brien.

374
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,309
Go up to the gate.

375
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,853
Ask what movie
they're showing on their flight.

376
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,645
Okay,
but if they're showing anything,

377
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,733
and I mean anything from
Mr. Adam Sandler,

378
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,903
I'm getting on the plane, too.

379
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,157
Please, I'm begging you.

380
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,117
You don't know me.
I'm a proud woman.

381
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,661
The only other time
I ever begged

382
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,788
was to get off of
P. Diddy's yacht.

383
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,625
I mean, a party shouldn't be
three days long.

384
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,376
Miss, you can save
your silly breath.

385
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,796
I'm taking him home.

386
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:11,924
Would passenger Maeve O'Brien
please report to the gate desk?

387
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,928
Oh, Nash, maybe they're bumping
us up from the last coach row

388
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,262
to the second to the last
coach row!

389
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,932
I knew I'd be rewarded
for not having any abortions

390
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,976
in spite of me circumstances.

391
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,521
Hurry, grab Nash.

392
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,440
Let's get out of here
while I got her distracted.

393
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,358
Max, you did that? How?

394
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,944
I no longer have
the half a joint in my bra.

395
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,155
You bribed an airline employee
with a joint?

396
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,367
Pain? Oh, you really gotta
stretch out for that.

397
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,119
Max, this is kidnapping.

398
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,788
Oh, he's not that young.

399
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,041
When I was his age, I already
robbed three Blockbuster videos.

400
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,627
What's Blockbuster video?

401
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,464
Oh, my God. I screwed a baby.

402
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,259
Okay, I'm gonna text Joe

403
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,470
and tell her we have Nash
in our custody.

404
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,846
No, I'd better call.

405
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:01,223
That text won't play well
at our trial.

406
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,185
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
I was so young.

407
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,230
Oh, but honestly, I didn't think
it mattered

408
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,690
since you're so immature.

409
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,403
I know you are, but what am I?

410
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,406
Okay, so Joe was really
impressed with the kidnapping,

411
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,075
and she gave us our jobs back.

412
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,993
But, Nash, you've been replaced.

413
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,287
They found another model

414
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,079
who wouldn't give them
any parent trouble.

415
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,707
A well-hung orphan.

416
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,292
A well-hung orphan.

417
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,545
Well, the Lord gives
and the Lord takes.

418
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:32,547
So what now?

419
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,923
Well, you go back to Ireland

420
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,551
and brag to your friends
about having sex with someone

421
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:41,638
who once had sex with
Axl Rose's best friend's son.

422
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,852
-Goodbye, Max.
-Later, Nash Potater.

423
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,480
You know,
I think I'm gonna miss him.

424
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:53,233
Especially since kids eat free
at Quiznos before six.

425
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,612
(GROANS)
Let's get out of here.

426
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,822
The only good thing
about airports

427
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,615
is leaving them
for someplace better.

428
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,243
Max, next time we're here,
I'm gonna take you to Paris.

429
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,413
Well, first take me
to the bathroom.

430
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,832
I've had to pee
since our tram hit that pothole.

431
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,626
Well, at least we're gonna be
working somewhere with class.

432
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,461
I wonder where it is.

433
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,213
Joe said it's a real hub,
flagship, international.

434
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:20,010
Yeah, it's in the international
Terminal 8!

435
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,307
What? Here?

436
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,477
We're working here?

437
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:30,855
I've got to find out who
I murdered in a previous life

438
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,481
and make it up to him or her.

439
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,150
This sucks!

440
00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:37,569
The one place no one will ever
give us a ride to work!

441
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:42,575
(OVER SPEAKER) Final boarding
for Air France, Flight 113.

442
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,368
Of course it is.

443
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,871
Look at the bright side.

444
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,623
These days most planes
don't even make it

445
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:49,915
to where they're supposed to go.

446
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:55,380
Paging first-class passengers
Caroline Channing and Max Black.

447
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,548
Those rich bitches are so lucky!

448
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,305
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

449
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,683
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

450
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,788
(English US - SDH)