1 00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:06,615 - Max, the guy is coming right now. 2 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:08,182 - That's the first time anyone's ever been polite enough 3 00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:11,011 to announce that to me. 4 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,273 - Yeah, hilarious, sex is messy. 5 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,752 Now hurry! 6 00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,189 Let's get these cupcakes to the window 7 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,495 before that guy gets here, and when he does, Max, 8 00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:19,106 don't turn around. 9 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,846 - What? - You know why. 10 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:28,506 [upbeat music] 11 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:35,513 ♪ 12 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,820 - And here we are on the much traveled 13 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:40,083 Bedford Street right in the very heart 14 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,259 of historic Williamsburg. 15 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,305 - This guy is so boring. 16 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:48,265 He's like a roofy with a little flag. 17 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:51,399 - During the 1830s, German and Austrian capitalists 18 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,183 established their businesses 19 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,230 here in historic Williamsburg Brooklyn. 20 00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,145 - And, in honor of those German and Austrian 21 00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:01,061 founding fathers, here we have our 22 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,759 Williamsburg beer-batter cupcake. 23 00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:08,545 Oof-yah, beer batter! It's good! 24 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,853 - Wow, you're pushing harder than I was 25 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,899 after I ate that whole brick of cheese. 26 00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:18,643 - Soon, docks, shipyards, refineries, mills, 27 00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,950 and other booming businesses opened 28 00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,299 along the growing waterfront. 29 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:25,346 - Businesses just like Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 30 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,348 See, made in Williamsburg. 31 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,567 Only 12.95, 100% cotton. 32 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:35,920 - And I'm guessing cotton oof-ya, ees good! 33 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:40,664 - Actually, I was referencing booming Williamsburg businesses. 34 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,320 This is one of those small Williamsburg businesses 35 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,583 that won't be here much longer. 36 00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:48,325 Follow me. 37 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:52,503 Oh, sir, no, a free dessert comes with your end-of-tour meal 38 00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:55,941 at the Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole Restaurant. 39 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:58,161 Don't waste your Euros. 40 00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:04,472 - How dare he tell those people our business won't be here. 41 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,169 I haven't been this speechless since the first time 42 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,431 I saw your toe nails. 43 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,869 - Who cares what he thinks? 44 00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,480 We had such a good month, I had enough cash 45 00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:15,222 to buy my own box of s'mores Pop-Tarts, 46 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:18,399 a goal I've had since I was 11. 47 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,792 My other goal was making it to 12. 48 00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,098 By the way, you heard I referenced 49 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,232 the Pop-Tarts as "my own box," right? 50 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,408 - Max, I'm not interested in your box. 51 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:31,454 - Well, not for another ten years when we're still single. 52 00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,725 - I can't believe that tour guide 53 00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,118 is telling people that our cupcake business 54 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,554 is gonna fail. 55 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,252 - I mean, it's one thing for you, me, 56 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,341 and Time Out New York to say it, but... 57 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,605 - I just hate that tour guy. 58 00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:53,999 - I hate that tour guy too! 59 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,566 - Han, oh, my God! 60 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,567 It took us five years, but we finally have something 61 00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,788 in common. 62 00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:04,184 - That's not true. Aren't you both an A-cup? 63 00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,098 - Can you believe he's telling his entire tour 64 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,883 that our cupcake business is gonna fail? 65 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:09,928 - Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he has 66 00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:13,062 the most basic understanding of supply and demand. 67 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,937 - Han, don't blow this, it might be our only connection 68 00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,243 ever. 69 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:23,246 - Who the hell does that dickweed think he is? 70 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,508 - Exactly. 71 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:25,944 - And I hate him because that tour never eats 72 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,119 in here. 73 00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:28,947 He just keeps pushing his stupid 74 00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:30,906 Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole. 75 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:34,039 I don't want to hear anymore about that guy's hole! 76 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,868 - Until ten years from now when you're still single. 77 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:40,307 - Hey, everybody! 78 00:03:44,353 --> 00:03:46,051 Well, it happened. 79 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,620 - Ryan Seacrest came out? 80 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:53,189 - Oh, Max, don't be silly. 81 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,712 No, I'm pretty sure that happened 82 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,106 a couple of years ago. 83 00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,283 My biggest dream has come true. 84 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,415 - Kentucky Fried Chicken now comes 85 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,547 with free hair extensions? 86 00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:08,117 - Okay, my second biggest dream. 87 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,337 I'm pregnant. 88 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,990 - Oh, no everyone just thinks that 89 00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,950 after they'd had the chicken parmesan here. 90 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,735 - It's not official. I haven't peed on a stick yet, 91 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,564 but my boobs are really, really sore. 92 00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,829 - That could be my handy-work, baby. 93 00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:28,093 - Well, we're about to find out in a minute 94 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:32,054 'cause I'm about to go pee like a race whore. 95 00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,448 - Sophie, the phrase is "race horse." 96 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:38,190 - Uh, not in Poland. 97 00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,367 See, I got a whole bunch of these things 98 00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:43,892 'cause, uh, my aim isn't very good. 99 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,155 Yeah, I have what the doctors call 100 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:50,681 "a forked stream." 101 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:54,032 - Well, whichever of those you don't use, I'll take. 102 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,338 It'll be nice not to throw myself 103 00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,471 down a flight of stairs every time I have a hunch. 104 00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,429 - Oh, all right, well. 105 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,778 Wish me luck, girls. 106 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:03,128 - Oh, wait up, Sophie! 107 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:06,262 I'll hold the stick under you while you urinate. 108 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:11,311 - Oleg, you're gonna make a great father. 109 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,145 - Is it even possible for Sophie to have a baby? 110 00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:22,104 I mean, didn't that window close around the same time 111 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,411 Blockbuster Video did? 112 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,893 - Well, we don't know how old she is. 113 00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:31,331 Sophie's ageless, like a unicorn 114 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:34,159 or...Anderson Cooper. 115 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,380 - Caroline, I found a city website 116 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,469 where we can complain about that tour guide. 117 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:40,992 - Why, what'd he do to you? 118 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,558 Confuse you with a historic Williamsburg 119 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,692 fire hydrant? 120 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:47,564 Up top! 121 00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,261 - Um, things have changed. 122 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,611 I'm kind of all about the Han and me connection 123 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,787 right now. 124 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:55,832 - Sorry, Max, you're out. 125 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,574 - Han, complaining online doesn't work. 126 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,054 - True, if it did, they would have replaced 127 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,317 my faulty Legos by now. 128 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,233 - I say we gotta find him and knock some sense into him. 129 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,843 - I'm in. 130 00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:09,456 - That's the first time Han has ever said that to a woman. 131 00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:13,285 All right, can I just come? 132 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,687 - That tour guide keeps going on and on 133 00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,342 into his mic in front of that bunch of Euro trash. 134 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,127 It's like Madonna on tour. 135 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:31,521 - Forget this Ye Olde Williamsburg place. 136 00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:34,176 Those people should be having desserts at my diner! 137 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,439 - Yeah, if they wanted Ye Olde Desserts, 138 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,398 they should have come to us. 139 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,835 We've got lady fingers so old, they have arthritis. 140 00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:43,359 - Ooh, okay, here he comes. Get ready! 141 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,753 - Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this! 142 00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:48,625 I'm not a violent person, and full disclosure, 143 00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,932 this is a Nerf bat. 144 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,499 Sorry, Caroline, I hope this doesn't affect 145 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,283 our budding friendship/ you never know, 146 00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:57,286 possible romance. 147 00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,114 - Never gonna happen. 148 00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,377 Okay, Han's dead to me. It's back to me and you. 149 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,423 - Thank God. Those couple of hours were hell. 150 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:05,642 - For me too. 151 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,470 Hi, we need to talk to you. 152 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,559 I'm Caroline from Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 153 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,605 - Oh, yeah, right. 154 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,650 I didn't recognize you without... 155 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:17,437 the worst German accent I ever heard. 156 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,829 - And you are? 157 00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:20,396 - Dannon. 158 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,529 - Like the yogurt? 159 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,095 - It's a family name. 160 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,489 - Listen, Yoplait. 161 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,578 I personally don't give a crap what you think, 162 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,493 but you bad-mouthing our business 163 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,321 is upsetting my girl here. 164 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,409 You got that, Activia? 165 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:38,501 - Look, girls, I'm not just talking about your business. 166 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,416 All the businesses on that block are gonna close. 167 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,332 It's getting plowed for an IMAX theatre. 168 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,292 - Oh, my God. 169 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,642 - I know. 170 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:52,254 Another Max is getting plowed on our block? 171 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:59,087 - Morning. - Yeah. 172 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,131 I can't believe they're replacing us 173 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:01,916 with an IMAX. 174 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,919 That subway psychic told me my business would skyrocket. 175 00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,442 I guess this also means I won't be a contestant 176 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,662 on "The Voice." 177 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:11,882 - That psychic had food all down her blouse. 178 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:13,318 She couldn't predict her mouth opening, 179 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,538 let alone your life. 180 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,497 - I'm e-mailing all the neighborhood business owners 181 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,108 to attend an emergency meeting tonight at the diner. 182 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,283 I've contacted pretty much everyone 183 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:23,154 except that medical marijuana store. 184 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:26,462 You know, Joint Custody. 185 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,073 - I'll call them. They're on my speed dial. 186 00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:33,774 ♪ Pop my tarts pop my tarts ♪ 187 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,732 ♪ Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts ♪ 188 00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:38,126 ♪ A boppa-boppa boppa-tarts-- 189 00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,917 [keys clacking] 190 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:52,532 - Yes, it was me. I stress ate them. 191 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:56,187 - You ate my PPTs? 192 00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:59,190 Personal Pop-Tarts. 193 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,888 - You gave them a cute name? 194 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,804 - Of course, I've been dreaming about them my whole life. 195 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:07,851 I can't believe you ate the last of my s'mores Pop-Tarts. 196 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,027 - Fine, I'll go out and buy you another box 197 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:13,074 with the money I was saving for a Wet n Wild lip liner. 198 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,858 [knocking at door] 199 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,904 Well, we know that's not opportunity knocking. 200 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,210 He lost my address when I moved in here. 201 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,606 - Hi, girls. 202 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,695 I'm out of sugar, and can one of you read 203 00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:28,829 my morning pee stick? 204 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,005 I can't read this little window thing 205 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:34,835 and I lost my cheaters and Oleg's not upstairs. 206 00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:38,055 - So you lot both your cheaters. 207 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,623 - Yeah, see Max? 208 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,799 That kind of joke is no longer funny 209 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:45,019 now that we're gonna be parents. 210 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:47,543 So no more that! 211 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:56,030 - It's just not my morning. 212 00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:58,510 - Caroline, why don't you read it? 213 00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,077 Might be nice to here some good news 214 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,124 come out of your sad mouth for a change. 215 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,476 - Oh, just take it. 216 00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,958 I'm pretty sure I got the worst of it. 217 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:14,701 - Okay, now everybody hold hands and get ready to cry 218 00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:19,880 'cause I feel really, really, really pregnant. 219 00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,055 - It's negative. 220 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:24,362 - You're negative! 221 00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:26,495 - Sophie, I understand you're disappointed, 222 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:29,672 but maybe you should manage your expectations. 223 00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:33,458 - Oh, man I really thought I was pregnant. 224 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,113 I mean, my period's real late. 225 00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,773 - How late is late? 226 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:47,472 Hashtag, just asking for a friend. 227 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:50,127 - Well, I don't know. 228 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:53,087 Six months? 229 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,872 A year, tops. 230 00:10:55,915 --> 00:11:00,268 - Well, I mean, at your age-- - Oh, careful now. 231 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:03,880 Don't be too dead to get my new Pop-Tarts. 232 00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:07,275 - Exactly how old do you think I am? 233 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:08,668 - Well... 234 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,495 - If you open your mouth and say an age, 235 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:14,499 any age, there's no coming back from that. 236 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:18,634 - How old? 237 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,680 - Well... 238 00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:28,252 - Oh. 239 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:36,826 - [scoffs] [laughs] 240 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:40,003 - Final offer. 241 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,701 - Well, I don't know how old she is, 242 00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:44,312 but I've aged since this started. 243 00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:51,319 - Okay, next, Cathy's Crystal Shop. 244 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:55,540 - Present and accounted for, thank the goddess. 245 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,195 - Garboni Funeral Home? 246 00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,545 Thanks for coming. 247 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:07,030 - No thanks, I'm having my head frozen. 248 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:11,731 - Bedford Methadone and Drug Clinic? 249 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,384 Oh. 250 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:16,170 - Do you have a card? 251 00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:19,956 - We'll just wait for one more business to arrive 252 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,392 before we start. 253 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,829 Oh, and thank you all for coming. 254 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:24,439 - Oh, and thank you 255 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:27,572 for closing the diner tonight for this meeting. 256 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:30,662 - Oh, we're not closed. 257 00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:33,317 - Nope, this is a busy Thursday for us. 258 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,799 - Oh, hi, are you here for the meeting? 259 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,846 - Yeah, we're Smiley Time Daycare. 260 00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:44,764 - Well, if Sophie has a baby, I think we found our nanny. 261 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,855 - Okay, tonight's call to arms 262 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,813 is really about each and every one of us 263 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,684 and our dreams. 264 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:55,165 Small businesses are and have always been 265 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,037 the backbone of Williamsburg. 266 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,518 - But this is about so much more than business. 267 00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:01,911 Let me help. 268 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:03,870 I took a class in motivational speaking. 269 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,306 - Well motivate your ass back down. 270 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,351 I got this. 271 00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:08,875 - Do you? You're losing this crowd 272 00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,747 faster than I'm going to lose my diner. 273 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,314 - He's right, move it along. 274 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:15,490 You make that boring crock guy look like a sweeps episode 275 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,144 of "Empire." 276 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,362 - That was just my opening. 277 00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:21,626 - And your closing. Thanks, Caroline. 278 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:28,329 Yes, I said yes, folks. 279 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,722 Yes, we are all businesses, 280 00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,813 but we are one hell of a lot more than that! 281 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,989 - Impressive. It's like Tony Robbins 282 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:39,731 and a pine nut had a baby. 283 00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:42,386 - We are a family, 284 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,824 and the only way-- the only way out of this crap 285 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,303 is each other. 286 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:47,304 - Can I get a "what-what?" 287 00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,479 all: What-what! 288 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:49,785 - Can I get a high-five? 289 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,395 all: High-five! 290 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,049 - All right! - High-five! 291 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,228 - I'm so jealous. 292 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,535 I've been dying to do that for years. 293 00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:05,801 - And tomorrow, we need you, 294 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,978 and I mean every one of you, 295 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:12,112 to join my diner family at that public hearing 296 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,288 down at the Brooklyn Courthouse 297 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,116 and we are going to tell them 298 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,422 they can keep their stinking buyout money. 299 00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,076 - Yeah! 300 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,382 - There isn't enough money in the world 301 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,212 to buyout our leases. - Yeah. 302 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,040 Han, I don't-- - Wait, they want to buy us out? 303 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,912 - Not 20,000, not 30,000-- 304 00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:32,480 - Dollars? I could live in India. 305 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:36,223 I wouldn't have to sell these dumb crystals anymore. 306 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,442 - But we are a family! 307 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:41,054 - Yeah, we're a family. 308 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,928 [indistinct murmuring] 309 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,191 - Might just be us tomorrow. 310 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,373 - With the addition of the IMAX, 311 00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,419 I predict that the net worth 312 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:01,378 of this now dilapidated group of businesses 313 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,467 will at least quadruple. 314 00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,426 And commissioner, you don't know me, 315 00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:06,601 but when it comes to finance, 316 00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:09,778 when it comes to most things really, 317 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:12,302 I'm very hands on. 318 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:18,004 - And also a douche. 319 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,570 - We'll take a break and then hear arguments 320 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,616 from the opposing side. 321 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,835 - Max, I'm gonna ask you a serious question 322 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,576 and I want the truth. 323 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:28,014 - Is it, "Can you smell that onion bagel on my breath," 324 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,668 'cause yes. 325 00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,409 - Do you think our business dream 326 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,846 is as far-fetched as Sophie's baby dream? 327 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,762 - You know Sophie's right there, right? 328 00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:39,460 Don't get her mad. 329 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,679 I once saw her open up a can of paint 330 00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:44,987 with her knees. 331 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,990 - I mean, aren't all dreams kind of crazy? 332 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,600 Isn't that why they're called dreams, 333 00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,559 'cause they're not real? 334 00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,995 At some point, you have to wake up and pee, 335 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,736 right? 336 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:59,654 - Sometimes five times a night. 337 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:02,048 - Well, at least you won't have to listen to that annoying 338 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:05,094 tour guide's speech twice a day anymore. 339 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,270 - Right, if you look to your left, 340 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:08,793 you'll see a failing cupcake shop 341 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:12,188 with two completely deluded shop owners. 342 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,582 - In fact, the only redeeming feature 343 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,454 in this waste of architecture are the historic Tiffany windows 344 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:20,501 right next to those two bitches. 345 00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:21,937 - Wait, what about the windows? 346 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,678 He says that? I totally missed that? 347 00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:27,464 - Yeah, because you're too busy sprechen the cupcakes. 348 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,989 - Oh, my God, those Tiffany windows 349 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,425 might be old enough to qualify us 350 00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,427 as a historic landmark building. 351 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,298 Oh, oh, my God, I'll be right back. 352 00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:36,604 - Where are you going? 353 00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:37,779 - Down to the city archives. 354 00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:39,476 I need proof that those windows are legit. 355 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,609 If I'm not back when it's our turn to speak, 356 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,219 stall them. Fill time. 357 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,960 Just go on an on talking about nothing. 358 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,615 - Got it. Pretend I'm you. 359 00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:50,966 But you would need a miracle to find that proof in time. 360 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,925 - Psst, Max, you got a tampon? 361 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,797 I just got my period. 362 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:59,061 Either that, or I've been shot. 363 00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:02,499 - Sophie can still have a baby! 364 00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,588 See, miracles can happen! 365 00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:07,113 - The woman is right there. 366 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:13,031 And like I've already said twice, Your Honor, 367 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:16,644 I've worked at that diner since 1989, 368 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,560 so, peace out. 369 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:21,431 - She's still not back. Keep going. 370 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,651 - Your Honor, I've been working at that diner 371 00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:26,219 since 1989. 372 00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,873 - I think we've heard everything this gentlemen has to say 373 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,833 about the building in question, including, for some reason, 374 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:36,533 of his brief affair with comedian Nipsy Russell's wife. 375 00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:37,969 - She was from Brooklyn! 376 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:40,885 I thought it was pertinent, Your Honor. 377 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,278 - If there are no other witnesses-- 378 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,584 - Han, go, go, go, go. 379 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:45,629 - No, I already blew this once. 380 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,283 - Finally, you admit you blew something 381 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:49,546 when I can't enjoy it. 382 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,113 Oleg, you go. 383 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:52,941 - I can't. The judge knows me 384 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:56,466 from a sort of "Eyes Wide Shut" situation. 385 00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:58,990 You go. 386 00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,775 - No, nothing good ever happened to me 387 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,690 in a courtroom. 388 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,867 Every single time, they just gave me back to my mother. 389 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,564 - I'll go. 390 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,392 Yeah, I've got something to say. 391 00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,220 You're a lady judge. 392 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,267 You got any Midol? 393 00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,138 - Well, if there are no further witnesses... 394 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,661 - Damn it, yo! 395 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,794 I guess I have something to say. 396 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,796 - Wonderful. 397 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:24,625 Carmella, we just lost our lunch table. 398 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,585 - Nice model you got there, 399 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,371 except IMAXs are supposed to be big. 400 00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:35,157 [laughs] That's kind of the point. 401 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,855 - Miss, if you don't have anything pertinent-- 402 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,684 - Stop, you can't tear our building down! 403 00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:43,470 So excited, I feel like I'm in "Legally Blonde." 404 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,517 Those Tiffany windows are over 100 years old, 405 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:50,129 making it a historic, landmark building. 406 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,826 - Do you have documented proof of this? 407 00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:53,654 - Yes, I do, your honor. 408 00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:56,352 - So dramatic. I'm loving it. 409 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:59,268 - Living, breathing, boring proof. 410 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,879 Your Honor, this gentlemen is an expert 411 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,577 on historic Williamsburg. 412 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,492 Dannon, tell them about the windows. 413 00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:06,971 - First say it. 414 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,583 Say it in the eyes of the court, or no deal. 415 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:12,760 - I will never do a German accent again. 416 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:15,110 - The building's windows were created by Tiffany Studios 417 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,634 in a playful fish motif for the original Williamsburg 418 00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,506 fish market, opened at that location 419 00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:21,812 in June, 1901. 420 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,771 - Well, that qualifies as a landmark. 421 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,294 - Yes! 422 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:28,341 - Yah, dis is vuunderbar! 423 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,216 Well, I never promised you anything. 424 00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:37,828 - How do you like that, Max? 425 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,656 These cute little fishies from the fish market 426 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,789 saved our business and the diner. 427 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:44,226 - It's weird I'd wind up working in a former fish market. 428 00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,010 - Dannon told me the market was also a front 429 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,795 for a whore house. 430 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,753 - Yeah, that's more like it. 431 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,755 Now I have a serious question for you 432 00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:53,801 and I want you to tell me the truth. 433 00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,672 Would it have been smarter for us 434 00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,021 to take whatever of that buyout money 435 00:19:57,065 --> 00:20:00,764 we would have forced Han to give us and quit? 436 00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:03,027 - Probably. 437 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,333 but Max, I've wanted my own business 438 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:05,856 since I was little. 439 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,380 It's purely emotional. 440 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,033 I can't really explain it. 441 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,645 - I can. It's your PPT. 442 00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:14,430 Your personal Pop-Tart. 443 00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:17,564 - It is. It's my PPT. 444 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,870 - Then I totally get it. 445 00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:23,047 - Yeah, you do, Max. You always do. 446 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,007 - Well, girls, it's official. 447 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,791 - You're still short? 448 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,097 - We won! 449 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,186 The entire neighborhood has just been notified 450 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,710 there is no IMAX buyout. 451 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,886 - Yep, and they do not look happy. 452 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,279 Here they come. 453 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:40,413 - Hey, you! Yeah, you! 454 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:43,633 [crowd chattering] 455 00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:47,289 - Open up! They have sticks! 456 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,465 - Can't leave him out there, can we? 457 00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,034 - Aah! - Oh, God! 458 00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,166 - Oh! 459 00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,783 [upbeat music] 460 00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:10,834 ♪