1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,264 So, to be clear, 2 00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:06,441 you want delivery from this diner? 3 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:07,964 Yes, I do know what delivery means. 4 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,488 Do you know what E. coli means? 5 00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:12,838 Where do you live? 6 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,057 If he eats from here, 7 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,886 in his bathroom in about an hour. 8 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,062 Will you be needing napkins? Utensils? 9 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,629 The number for Poison Control? 10 00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:22,935 Well, good luck. 11 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,546 The delivery boy is on his way. 12 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,549 Oh, this is good. 13 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,247 I need the exercise. 14 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,380 I feel like I'm getting a little chubby! 15 00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:33,685 Oh, I know. 16 00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,035 I can see it through those shorts. 17 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:40,214 I was a delivery boy in Vietnam. 18 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:42,607 I mostly delivered bad news, like, 19 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,609 "That hooker was a dude." 20 00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:49,788 Here's that tuna salad-- and hurry. 21 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:52,269 Like that astronaut who drove across the country 22 00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,793 in a diaper, it's not gonna travel well. 23 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,101 See you later, haters. 24 00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,363 And remember, 25 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,799 Earl's in charge when I'm gone. 26 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,279 Earl's in charge? 27 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,107 Okay. I have a business degree. 28 00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:06,501 He had all three types of diabetes. 29 00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:08,981 But I get it. 30 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:11,723 I'll be gone for...20. 31 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:12,985 [clears throat] 32 00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:14,204 Speaking of 4:20, 33 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,598 Max, you wanna go smoke some weed? 34 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,646 The man in charge just sparked up a doobie. 35 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,955 But I get it. 36 00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,913 And I'm about to get it. 37 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,176 [car horn honks] 38 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,439 [crash, glass shattering] 39 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,876 Oh, no. Am I in charge forever? 40 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:42,406 Who the hell parked a Rascal in a bike lane? 41 00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:45,888 Uh...that's my bad. 42 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,847 It almost destroyed my helmet! 43 00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:52,634 I know. 44 00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:54,070 I can see it through those shorts. 45 00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,815 [Peter Bjorn and John] ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 46 00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,469 [cash register bell dings] 47 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:06,648 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 48 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,785 And this is the sprinkle station. 49 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:16,005 Last stop on the cupcake train. 50 00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:20,227 And this is the cash register, where there'll be money someday. 51 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,186 And this is Max, 52 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,536 the other half of Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 53 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,973 Your little movie is about to be rated R 54 00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:30,802 for strong, brutal violence. 55 00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:32,195 Stop filming me. 56 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,196 I'm not filming. 57 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,937 I'm Periscoping. 58 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,853 Isn't periscoping when you do mouth stuff on a guy 59 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:39,768 while he keeps a lookout for the cops? 60 00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:48,168 Not all sex has to involve the threat of an arrest, Max. 61 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,084 Periscope is a social media app 62 00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:54,565 that streams live videos to your followers. 63 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:58,134 Tell everyone in Brooklyn who loves food festivals 64 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,397 that we'll be at the Taste of Bushwick tomorrow. 65 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,834 Or you can follow me into the bathroom while I change, 66 00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:04,967 and they can see some bushwick right now. 67 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,102 Max, this is great PR. 68 00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,365 That's "public relations," 69 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,583 not "Puerto Rican." 70 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,717 I know you were disappointed 71 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,327 when I took you to that PR seminar 72 00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,937 and there were no cock fights. 73 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,899 I liked the Internet when the only thing you could do 74 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,161 was look at cat pictures 75 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:28,295 and find out how old John Stamos is. 76 00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,471 He turned 53 in August! 77 00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:32,995 You know what's sad? 78 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,910 I'm too old to date him. 79 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,307 If Periscope is such great PR, 80 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,265 how many viewers did you just have? 81 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:43,658 One. 82 00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:47,488 But maybe it was a really important one. 83 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,055 Really loving your Periscope presence, Caroline! 84 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:54,756 Okay. It's a small build. 85 00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:58,368 I still maintain that Periscoping will be great 86 00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,674 for our business. 87 00:03:59,716 --> 00:04:02,111 For the record, I was filming my business 88 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:04,679 way before it was called "Periscoping." 89 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,638 Hi, everybody! 90 00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,252 Oleg, I picked up your dry cleaning, 91 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,688 and good news! 92 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:16,168 They were able to get the raspberry stains 93 00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,735 out of your banana hammock! 94 00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:20,999 Oh, Lord. 95 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,915 Now who's gonna dry clean my mouth? 96 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,876 So you picked up my dry cleaning 97 00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,921 instead of my cousin from the airport? 98 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:31,662 Your cousin's in town? That's weird. 99 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,578 I didn't get an alert on my phone. 100 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,972 Sophie, how could you forget? 101 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,409 This is why we started doing sudoku. 102 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,063 I thought you started doing sudoku 103 00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:42,804 'cause she was hot and willing. 104 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,372 I got a lot on my mind. 105 00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:47,635 I'm trying to design our future baby. 106 00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,376 See, girls, I read this article 107 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:53,293 that says you can spin sperm to get rid of the bad stuff. 108 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,643 So Oleg's not gonna be the father? 109 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,385 It's true. 110 00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,864 There's a new technology 111 00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,302 where you can select the baby's genes. 112 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,565 I miss selecting jeans. 113 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,393 Now I just reach into the $3 bin 114 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:08,177 and hope for the best. 115 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,267 Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz 116 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,096 till I get a girl baby with green eyes 117 00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,838 and Jennifer Aniston's second nose 118 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:20,363 and--and my butt! 119 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:24,280 Why can't we get pregnant the natural way? 120 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,674 Up against a fence. 121 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:28,153 Hello. 122 00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:29,546 I'm Gortak. 123 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,113 You look familiar. 124 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:34,638 Didn't you rib a dragon on "Game of Thrones"? 125 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,293 Gortak! 126 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,512 There's my little cousin. 127 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,861 Hi! 128 00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:43,038 I think my iPhone case is made out of gortak. 129 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,824 Hi, I'm Oleg's wife, Sophie. 130 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,437 And you're one tall drink of yak's milk. 131 00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,136 You know it, baby. 132 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:55,832 And he's taking that tall right to the bank. 133 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:58,053 Gortak just signed to play pro basketball. 134 00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,837 - [gasps] - No way! 135 00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,796 Basketball is my favorite sport, 136 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,538 next to bum wrestling! 137 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,409 I'm in town for a game against Brooklyn. 138 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:07,758 Brooklyn's my team. 139 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:08,977 They stink. 140 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,675 Yeah, well, 141 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,895 I relate to anybody who's not doing that great. 142 00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,157 Hey, I'm Max. 143 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,724 I used to shoot around in juvi. 144 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,336 We played arsonists versus attempted murderers. 145 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,252 I did a lot of ribbon dancing. 146 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,910 Caroline's kind of the Screech of the group. 147 00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:33,262 And here comes Mr. Belding. 148 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,441 Max, it's almost your shift. 149 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,791 Why haven't you changed into your uniform? 150 00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,358 It's almost spring. 151 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,404 Why haven't you changed into a butterfly? 152 00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,885 Han, this is my cousin Gortak. 153 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,147 Gortak, this is... 154 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:50,409 [speaking Russian] 155 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,628 Jackass boss. 156 00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,195 [speaking Russian] 157 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,414 Virgin. 158 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,504 [speaking Russian] 159 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,723 "Little People, Big World." 160 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:02,857 I didn't catch all of that, 161 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,946 but I didn't love what I caught. 162 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,427 Oleg, do you and your Sophie 163 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,950 want to come to the game tomorrow night? 164 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,212 I have two tickets. 165 00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:11,474 Oh, perfect timing. 166 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,693 As of yesterday, I'm allowed 167 00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:16,218 to be within 50 feet of cheerleaders. 168 00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:17,480 Yeah, no. You know what? 169 00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,134 I'm sorry. I'm out. 170 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:22,354 You know, tonight I have to genetically modify a person 171 00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:24,313 while I watch "The Good Wife." 172 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,403 Take me, Oleg! 173 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,537 Which is the only time you will ever hear me say that. 174 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,147 Good idea, Max. 175 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,454 Sophie would be pissed if I took a lady. 176 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,587 But, Max, what about our plans? 177 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,546 I don't want to taste Bushwick alone. 178 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,159 Then don't have more than three drinks... 179 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:50,470 And don't get in the back of anybody's Isuzu. 180 00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:56,388 ♪ 181 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,999 You're pretty dressed up. 182 00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,827 You know a food festival is just code 183 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:02,220 for eating outside next to garbage cans. 184 00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:05,528 Maybe I should come. 185 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,618 Well, I say, "Dress for the job you want." 186 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,446 I would, but I don't know what the people 187 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,362 who test out all the new potato chip flavors wear. 188 00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:14,581 [knock on door] 189 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,060 Cheeseburger Pringles? 190 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,758 Yes. 191 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:21,022 Hey, girls! 192 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,241 Look at my baby board! 193 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,721 Yeah. 194 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,418 I feel like we're finally getting close 195 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,246 to something I can work with. 196 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,770 You know, it really started to flow 197 00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,511 once I threw away the Anne Hathaway forehead. 198 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:38,126 That is the scariest thing I've ever seen. 199 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,649 Oh, well, good thing you didn't see it 200 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,738 with the Hathaway forehead. 201 00:08:43,347 --> 00:08:46,526 I love baby number two, but I don't know. 202 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:49,050 Oleg still wants to be surprised. 203 00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,878 Why don't you give us all a nice surprise 204 00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,880 and brush his teeth while he's sleeping? 205 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,664 [laughing] 206 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,926 Right? 207 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,188 Yes. 208 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,929 Oh, right. Here. 209 00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:01,541 Max, Oleg can't go to the game. 210 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:04,892 Our baby appointment got changed to tomorrow, 211 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,068 and we got to get working on the baby body. 212 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,549 Oh, you know what? 213 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,159 That reminds me. 214 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,944 Max, do you have a picture of your boobs? 215 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:16,468 Oh, you know what? 216 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,427 I'll get it from Oleg. 217 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:23,258 I can't believe I have two tickets! 218 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,520 Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl. 219 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,696 It'd be fun to go with a friend. 220 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,526 Would it hurt you to ask me to go to the game? 221 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,049 You know I'm not gonna say yes. 222 00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,311 Do you want to go to the game? 223 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:34,661 Yes! 224 00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:38,099 Wow, that surprised me too. 225 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:41,537 These are VIP tickets from an actual player. 226 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,017 This could be better than Bushwick. 227 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,019 I mean, lots of celebrities go to those games. 228 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,281 [gasps] 229 00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,587 Ooh! Where are the fliers? 230 00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:49,197 I bet we could get a lot of business there. 231 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,459 No! 232 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,852 We are not doing business! 233 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,331 Tonight is supposed to be fun. 234 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:56,596 Well, I find business fun, but okay. 235 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,383 One day, you will appreciate my ambition. 236 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,341 And one day, I will try lettuce, 237 00:10:03,385 --> 00:10:04,604 but not tonight. 238 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,041 No fliers. 239 00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:08,303 No fliers. 240 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,783 No fliers. 241 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,002 I just think this is a missed opportunity. 242 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,438 "Missed Opportunity" 243 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,789 was my stripper name at the Salty Dog. 244 00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,662 Look, I don't want to work tonight. 245 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:22,056 Which also happened to be my catchphrase. 246 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,584 [crowd roaring] 247 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,587 [upbeat music] 248 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,067 ♪ 249 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,286 These can't be VIP seats. 250 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:37,680 I haven't been this winded since I climbed 251 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:40,596 the social ladder at theater camp. 252 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,119 These seats are great! 253 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,686 I usually sit in the parking lot 254 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,384 around a trash fire, singing doo-wop. 255 00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:50,824 It's just, I've never sat in the last row before. 256 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,956 My father made sure I was always in the front. 257 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,610 Broadway, fashion week, 258 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,830 his criminal trial. 259 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,527 My father got me front-row seats 260 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,530 to the "Inability to Love" awards. 261 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,706 I'll try and let this go, but I'm just saying, 262 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,447 we could have gone to the Taste of Bushwick, 263 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,275 and we'd still be closer to the court. 264 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:11,496 Oh, I love the taste of Bushwick. 265 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,803 I don't care for it much. 266 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,764 Hi, I'm June, and this is Dianne. 267 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:21,202 We're sort of the "mayors" of section Y. 268 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,464 Been to every game. 269 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,771 I'm Max. This is Caroline. 270 00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:26,598 You guys want a finger? 271 00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,862 Oh, we're just friends. 272 00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:31,647 Do you want a finger? 273 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,040 Sure. 274 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,389 We'll take one if you got an extra. 275 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:35,651 And how 'bout that hot dog? 276 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,913 You still working on that? 277 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:41,918 Max, you don't know where that finger has been. 278 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,920 What do you mean? 279 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:47,097 It's been in a box in my car. 280 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,056 Yeah, Caroline. 281 00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:52,407 This finger's been in her box out in the car. 282 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,670 What part of that don't you get? 283 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,237 Careful. 284 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,153 That beer cost more than I spent on underwear last year. 285 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:02,896 I don't like it up here. 286 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:05,594 I don't even like beer. 287 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:06,987 It's so bloaty. 288 00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:09,685 Come on. It's not that bad. 289 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,078 Oh, really? 290 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:14,124 Then why is that guy shaving? 291 00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,127 Well, obviously, he's got a very important job interview 292 00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:19,651 as conductor of the crazy train. 293 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,524 Max, our seats are in a shanty town. 294 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,134 I think somebody tried to sell me a hubcap 295 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,745 on the way up the stairs. 296 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,225 Ooh! How much? 297 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:29,836 Can I borrow those binoculars, 298 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,360 so I can look at something that's not this? 299 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,144 [buzzer blares] 300 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,406 Max! Oh, my God! 301 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,626 Look at all the VIPs down there. 302 00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,759 Well, someone's "VI-peeing" right over there. 303 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,152 Max, I want to be down there. 304 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,806 Oh, I know what you need. 305 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,547 Wanna finger? 306 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,809 Look! 307 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,029 A rich couple fighting courtside! 308 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:50,857 Oh, he's storming off! 309 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,467 She's storming off! 310 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,860 You should do play-by-play 311 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,427 on the "I Don't Care" network. 312 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:57,820 Come on! Let's go steal their seats. 313 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:58,908 What? 314 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,170 I like where I am. 315 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,432 My ears already popped. 316 00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,825 We're settled here. 317 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,392 That's the difference between us, Max. 318 00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:05,654 I don't settle... 319 00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,177 until I'm, like, 42, 320 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,310 and then I might have to marry someone shorter than me. 321 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,747 I, on the other hand, love settling. 322 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,490 My first words were, "Eh, it's fine." 323 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:16,752 Look, all we have to do 324 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,319 is make a few smart, strategic moves, 325 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:19,668 and a better opportunity awaits. 326 00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:20,887 Please? 327 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,889 All right. Sorry, ladies. 328 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:24,499 She wants me to go down with her. 329 00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:26,980 Just tell her you got a headache. 330 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:31,419 ♪ 331 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,986 [shoes squeaking] 332 00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:36,990 Okay, just act like we belong in the VIP section. 333 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,383 [loudly] I can't believe the limo driver 334 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,820 took that wrong turn, 335 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,256 and that's why we're late to the game, 336 00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:45,259 and thus, our seats. 337 00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,521 You forgot to mention 338 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:49,350 that we took thus bus here. 339 00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,352 The point is, we made it. 340 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,049 I am back where I belong. 341 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,747 Can you just smell the money down here? 342 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,749 I think that's Gortak's ball sweat. 343 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,058 Hello, ladies 344 00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:04,495 who magically appeared in the second quarter. 345 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,150 Can I see your tickets? 346 00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:10,240 Oh! 347 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,851 What? 348 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:14,854 These are my tickets to most places. 349 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,464 Our tickets? Of course. 350 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,769 Let me just find them in here. 351 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,641 [buzzer blares] 352 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:20,903 Here they are! 353 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,470 Oh, sorry about the popcorn. 354 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:23,732 I'm used to it. 355 00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:26,039 You rich people are pigs. 356 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:35,744 Max, I haven't been called a rich pig in five years! 357 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:39,400 [buzzer blares] 358 00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:41,750 This is pretty cool! 359 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,491 I told that Chinese lady up top 360 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,232 with the backpack full of loose carrots 361 00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:48,322 I'd be back, but I don't think so. 362 00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:49,584 Oh, my God. 363 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,194 I should totally Periscope this 364 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,804 so people think we're big shots. 365 00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:55,242 We are so close, 366 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,419 I could get my nose broken by a ball! 367 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:02,162 And I could meet the doctor who fixes your broken nose! 368 00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:06,383 Everything is working out! 369 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,298 Oh, my God. 370 00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:11,301 We are in the same row as Jay-Z and Beyoncé! 371 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,563 [gasps] 372 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,261 And they brought Blue Ivy! 373 00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:18,004 I can't believe I'm seeing our royal family! 374 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:21,529 I can't believe I'm touching the court with my feet! 375 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:24,271 Maybe I should just drag my butt across it like a dog. 376 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,533 Is that too far? 377 00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:26,882 [gasps] Oh, my God! 378 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,493 Beyoncé just made eye contact with me! 379 00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:31,582 She sees me every time she looks to the left, 380 00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,062 to the left. 381 00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,498 I should get them one of our fliers. 382 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:38,154 Luckily, I always keep an emergency flier. 383 00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:39,415 That and a key to my old house, 384 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,202 in case this all turns out to be a dream. 385 00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,508 That's my dream too. 386 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,772 Ooh! Here comes the nanny. 387 00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:50,165 [gasps] Fran Drescher's here? 388 00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,779 No, Blue Ivy's nanny. 389 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,259 I'll get her our flier. 390 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,088 Excuse me, miss, in the drop-crotch sweatpants! 391 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,350 [Max] Go, go, go! Ten seconds! 392 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,612 Wait! Miss, wait! 393 00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:02,962 Can you take this? 394 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,311 - Max, she took the-- - Go, go, go! 395 00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:05,790 - Oh! - Ooh! 396 00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,446 [whistle blasts] 397 00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,274 [buzzer blares] 398 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,102 Max, what did you do? 399 00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:16,105 I took you to a basketball game like an idiot! 400 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,630 And now I'm about to run. 401 00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:22,590 ♪ 402 00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,681 ♪ 403 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,335 What is our end game here, Max? 404 00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,032 Are we hiding? Are we fleeing? 405 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,382 I just want to know what we're ugly-walking toward. 406 00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,602 Do I look like a person with an end game? 407 00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,952 Also, ya ended the game. 408 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,694 Angry mob aside, the good news is 409 00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,175 I did manage to get that flier to Blue Ivy's people. 410 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:44,873 The bad news is you created the biggest disaster in sports 411 00:16:44,915 --> 00:16:47,745 since Magic Johnson's talk show. 412 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,051 [indistinct radio chatter] 413 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,618 Someone's coming. 414 00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,272 Well, you said you wanted more followers. 415 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,490 Now you have them in real life! 416 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,232 [Max gasps] 417 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,105 Oh, my God. 418 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:03,109 This is where the 17th best team in the league gets naked! 419 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:06,502 And also where it ends for ol' Max and Caroline. 420 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,939 What? It's not like the players 421 00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,767 come right into the locker room after the game. 422 00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,508 Oh, my God. 423 00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,944 The players come right into the locker room after the game! 424 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,946 Of course we'd be in here. 425 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:17,471 This is so us. 426 00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:19,125 You know what else is so us? 427 00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,953 Me stealing one of these jerseys. 428 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,954 Let's do the interview in the locker rooms. 429 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,653 Crap! They're coming in here. 430 00:17:25,695 --> 00:17:27,655 We can't be the face of this, Max. 431 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,918 We'll be the most hated business in Brooklyn. 432 00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,920 And I'm including the new breakfast restaurant 433 00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:33,791 with the valet stroller parking. 434 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,405 [Max gasps] 435 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,494 This is where the 17th best team in the league 436 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:41,756 goes number one! 437 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,149 And from the looks of it, 438 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,629 their aim isn't good in here, either. 439 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,153 Those girls were crazy, man. 440 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,589 They cost us the game. 441 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:51,113 We were almost the 16th best team in the league. 442 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,507 How did they get into the VIP section? 443 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:56,118 I was wondering the same thing about Tim Allen. 444 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,034 Yo, man, take a look at this thing on my back. 445 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,036 Does it look like cancer? 446 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,820 It just seemed like more than a mole, you know? 447 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:06,346 Actually, it looks like a precancerous basal cell. 448 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:09,479 We should get a better look in the light in the bathroom. 449 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,133 Here! Over here. 450 00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:12,352 Get in the ice bathtub. 451 00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:13,353 It's big enough for two. 452 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:14,919 "Big enough for two." 453 00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,530 That's what Chili's said about their new 454 00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:19,489 coconut mozzarella sticks, but--swing and a miss. 455 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,711 You went to Chili's and didn't tell me? 456 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:26,279 I was afraid you'd try to get us a better table. 457 00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:29,934 Oh, yeah. 458 00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:32,023 I'd definitely get that thing checked out. 459 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,461 Yo, I got to ice this knee. 460 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,946 [both screaming] 461 00:18:46,299 --> 00:18:48,736 [both panting] 462 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,913 Of course they'd pour the ice on us! 463 00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,871 And of course this would happen here, 464 00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:57,919 'cause it's the 17th worst thing that's ever happened to me! 465 00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:02,315 ♪ 466 00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:03,968 [both coughing] 467 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,361 Oh, you two sick? 468 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,276 Stay away from me. I can't get sick. 469 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,583 When you're 78, it takes about 2 days 470 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:13,717 to go from sniffles to being eaten by your cat. 471 00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,719 We'll be fine... 472 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:19,114 if half a Tylenol can cure full-body hypothermia. 473 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,726 Max, I feel like you're still mad at me 474 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,685 for wanting more for us than bad seats 475 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,426 and a struggling business. 476 00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:27,949 Of course I'm mad! 477 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,429 I haven't been this cold 478 00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,474 since that winter I was on "Deadliest Catch." 479 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,608 Well... 480 00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:38,351 I've got a waste can of baby faces I'm not gonna use. 481 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,440 Yeah. 482 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:43,965 Turns out, we're not gonna design our baby anymore. 483 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,359 But what about wanting it to have a delicate chin? 484 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,361 And a thigh gap? 485 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,452 You know, girls, I realized 486 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,063 I just want to have a healthy, happy baby. 487 00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,022 You know, it's like my Aunt Ruffa said 488 00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:01,287 after she lost her tongue, you know... 489 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:07,249 "Dou det what dou det, and dou don't det updet." 490 00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:12,080 You know, which roughly translates to, 491 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:16,780 "You get what you get, and you don't get upset." 492 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,784 That's a really mature decision. 493 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:23,570 The doctor wanted 60 grand. 494 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:27,574 Yeah, that affected our decision too. 495 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,489 Well, maybe letting things happen naturally 496 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:30,751 is the way to go. 497 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,709 Because sometimes when you force things, 498 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,321 you put $130 million worth of basketball players 499 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:36,931 on the disabled list. 500 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:41,892 ♪ 501 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:47,550 [upbeat music] 502 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:55,515 ♪