1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,178
Okay, Max, here are the paint
chips for our new dessert bar.

2
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,310
Don't eat them.
This isn't your childhood.

3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,616
These are all pink.

4
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,748
You want the walls
of our bar to be all pink?

5
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,359
It'll be the first time
someone drinks

6
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,710
after they enter a vagina.

7
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:18,322
Oh, hey--
no vagina in the dina.

8
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:22,544
Or your apartment.
Ever.

9
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,154
You know,
this isn't Hooters.

10
00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:28,115
The v-bomb isn't usually batted
around the workplace.

11
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,030
Speaking of batting
things around,

12
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:33,685
our cat wants you
to come over again.

13
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:34,904
Yesterday you said your cat

14
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:39,082
was too cool to
hang out with me.

15
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,475
So which is it?

16
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,042
'Cause I am free tonight.

17
00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:45,784
[Peter Bjorn and John]
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

18
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:47,525
[cash register bell dings]

19
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:53,705
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

20
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:56,926
Hey, everybody!

21
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,714
You know what today is?

22
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,063
I hope it ain't the 15th,

23
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:07,284
'cause that means
I missed dialysis.

24
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,982
No, I'm 20 weeks preggers.

25
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:13,551
And it's time for Oleg and I
to choose the godparents.

26
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,901
You know, it's
an old Polish tradition.

27
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:19,079
Like pierogies
and public hangings.

28
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,603
Godparents?

29
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,039
God didn't even give me
parents-parents.

30
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,564
He just gave me some lady that
took me home from the hospital

31
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:29,219
in a Blockbuster Video bag.

32
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,612
It's a big decision.

33
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,744
You have to pick a couple who
would raise the child

34
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:34,529
with your beliefs
and values.

35
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:36,487
And Hugh Hefner
and whoever he's banging

36
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,924
already said no.

37
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:41,231
Yeah, so I'm making a list.

38
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,581
But Oleg doesn't
want anyone in prison.

39
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:48,412
You know, so that knocks out
most of the women in my family.

40
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,371
You know, you guys
could also have

41
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,460
these conversations at home.

42
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:55,854
But this counter is where
they made the baby.

43
00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:58,770
Hey, Earl.

44
00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:02,078
Oh, good, I need
somebody strong.

45
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:06,038
Uh, would you carry
this over there,

46
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:09,433
put some coffee in it,

47
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,131
and bring it back to me?

48
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:16,223
I'll hot this up
in a second.

49
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:19,400
Just let me hot
this one up first.

50
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:24,796
What're you doing here?

51
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,363
I know you don't
like me to bother you

52
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,931
during your free time,

53
00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,193
but I missed you.

54
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,977
And I want to tell you
something in person.

55
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:36,591
Well, whatever it is,
I probably have it too.

56
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:39,420
And I probably had it first.

57
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,986
It's not that.

58
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:43,031
But now I'm worried.

59
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,165
No, I met with this
law firm in Manhattan,

60
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,688
and they want to
make me a partner.

61
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,168
They're making you a partner?

62
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:52,215
Well, then they're
gonna catch it too.

63
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:53,390
So, Randy,

64
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,478
you really are a lawyer?

65
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:59,353
I thought you just played
lawyers in gay porn.

66
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:02,486
Thanks.

67
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,619
I will tell my trainer.

68
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:07,317
He was in gay porn.

69
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,971
Hey, Buzz Lightyear,

70
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:13,018
I'm still waiting
for that coffee.

71
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,890
All right, well,
I'll be in my booth

72
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,197
working on
my godparent list.

73
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,982
And whoever we pick should be
like one of those

74
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:24,291
perfect families on TV like,
well, the Brady's,

75
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,770
and the Huxtables...

76
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:28,947
Or, you know what?
Scratch that last one.

77
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,473
Wow, if you're considering
moving to New York,

78
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:33,952
it must be a pretty good job.

79
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,259
Well, there's a couple
other reasons.

80
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,739
The bagels.

81
00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:41,133
I have tickets to
Hamiltonin seven years.

82
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,701
And there's this girl here
I kind of like.

83
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:46,487
Who is she?
I'll kill her.

84
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:50,012
So two of the partners want to
take me out tomorrow night

85
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:53,102
to some fancy private dinner
at someplace called Beak.

86
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,886
[gasps]
You're going to Beak?

87
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,019
It's hidden away
in a private apartment,

88
00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:59,064
practically under
the Williamsburg Bridge,

89
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,892
so you pretty much
have to walk.

90
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:04,374
How awful
and chic is that?

91
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,072
I read in Time Outthat
that place is so exclusive,

92
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,249
it's technically not
even a restaurant.

93
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,728
Big deal.

94
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:13,253
This diner gets called
"not a restaurant" all the time.

95
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,037
Hey, did they tell you
to just bring Max,

96
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,344
or was it more of
a "bring whoever"?

97
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,303
-Um...
-I'll take that as a yes.

98
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:22,784
I'd love to join you
at Beak tomorrow night.

99
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,089
How could I say no to Beak?

100
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,788
It's spring,
so that's peak Beak.

101
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,093
[laughs]

102
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,138
So you want to go?

103
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,444
Want to be my date?

104
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,054
Nah, pass.

105
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,404
Fancy restaurants are one of
the three things I don't do.

106
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,885
You know the other two.

107
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:40,715
Didn't we blow past
those week one?

108
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,847
Max, are you crazy?

109
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:46,024
Why, is one of my pupils
getting all small?

110
00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,939
It happens now.
I don't know why.

111
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,550
What was that out there?

112
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,116
"Nah, pass."

113
00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:53,467
Randy's not just asking you
to dinner-dinner.

114
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,772
This isn't about food.

115
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,426
It's about your
future together.

116
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,341
He's moving here for you.

117
00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:01,736
You just
"naw pass"-ed on Randy.

118
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,173
Weird, I didn't love your
impression the first time,

119
00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:07,045
but I loved it the second.

120
00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:09,134
Randy's moving here
for a job.

121
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,876
This dinner isn't about
some law partners.

122
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,052
It's about you
and him as partners.

123
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,403
Do you hear words I don't?

124
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:19,449
You're going to that dinner,
young lady, end of discussion.

125
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:22,931
Oh, that was so mom-ish!

126
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:25,542
I wouldn't know.
I've never met one.

127
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:33,332
[knocking]

128
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,945
Oh, good, this is it.

129
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:38,425
We knocked on another
apartment door,

130
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:41,428
but the only thing they
were cooking was meth.

131
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:43,734
We walked across
a bridge for this?

132
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:48,522
This is basically my apartment,
except our wild birds are alive.

133
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,350
Randy, you made it.

134
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,962
And I mean, you made it
because you're eating at Beak.

135
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,355
I mean, the wait list
here is longer

136
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:58,270
than an episode
of HBO's Vinyl.

137
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,534
Max, this is Marissa,
one of the partners.

138
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:01,752
Marissa, this is Max.

139
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:02,753
She's my girlfriend.

140
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,059
Max?
Cute.

141
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,365
Is that short for Maxine?

142
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,933
Technically,
it's long for "meh."

143
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,239
Sorry, I don't get it.

144
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,067
Probably because
of the Klonopin I had to take

145
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,113
when that homeless man tried
to talk to me on the way in.

146
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:18,769
Uh, Max, this is Leila,
another partner at the firm,

147
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,510
and her wife, Lei.

148
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:24,035
She's not just my wife.
She's also a star on Instagram.

149
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:27,822
See? I talk about
your accomplishments.

150
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:31,434
I put wigs on statues

151
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:34,611
and then photograph them
from behind.

152
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:37,701
That's it?

153
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,311
That's it.

154
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,576
LEILA: Max...

155
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,142
are you a lawyer too?

156
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:48,190
Uh, no, but I presided over
a food court or two in my day.

157
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,148
Max and her partner, Caroline,
are in the process

158
00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:51,672
of opening a dessert bar.

159
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,630
And I don't mean "partner"
in the romantic sense.

160
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,937
I've got that
department covered.

161
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,417
Well, welcome,
Randy and Max.

162
00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:59,070
You know, I've been
hoping to add another

163
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,724
straight couple
to the law firm mix,

164
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:04,641
but, you know, they're
so hard to find nowadays.

165
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,034
Lei and I met on an

166
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:09,037
Orange is the New Black
message board.

167
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,388
It's kind of become
the lesbian Tinder.

168
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,564
Uh, Randy,
wasn't there rumor of a third?

169
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,741
Oh, I keep pitching that,
but he "likes me too much."

170
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,745
Again,
don't quite get it.

171
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,268
Little hazy.

172
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:25,183
Well, I'll have to tell
the chef he's preparing

173
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:26,837
oyster foam for six.

174
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,057
I'm sorry, "oyster foam"?

175
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,102
Foam from an oyster?

176
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:34,497
That sounds delicious.

177
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:39,067
I know your idea of fine dining
is a ham and cheese Hot Pocket,

178
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,764
but I am really glad
you came.

179
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:41,896
Oh, here's Lenin.

180
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,028
Um, Randy, Max,
this is Lenin.

181
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:47,205
He's the chef.
And my lover.

182
00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:56,127
We have sex too.

183
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,303
Lei and I are "post sex."

184
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:01,306
All intimacy,
no penetration.

185
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:08,226
I'll be serving a meal of
seven bird-themed courses,

186
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,794
each one it's own unique
flight of fancy.

187
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:14,319
Not my words, a very giggly
Anderson Cooper.

188
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,017
Now, before we begin,
do either of you

189
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,540
have any food allergies?

190
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:21,152
Just one: birds.

191
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,503
I don't get her, either.

192
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,809
Let's all sit.

193
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:26,767
Max.

194
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:31,815
Why do you want me to
sit that far from the table?

195
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:33,687
That's me being polite.

196
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,039
You are in
for such a treat.

197
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:41,346
Lenin is a real artist.

198
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,784
He spends all day
making these teeny-tiny,

199
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:47,614
delicate little meals,
which is why I pay our rent.

200
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,836
Our first course
is a French delicacy.

201
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,231
The Ortolan Bunting bird,
roasted and eaten whole.

202
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:02,280
Just grasp the bird by its head
and start eating at the feet.

203
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:04,718
Enjoy.
Obviously.

204
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:13,465
Can't wait to get that
bird foot in my mouth.

205
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,605
How's the baby pigeon
and oyster foam, Max?

206
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:23,998
Oh, delicious.

207
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:27,175
It's amazing how full
babies can make you.

208
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:30,787
RANDY: No, Lei,
way too many photos

209
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,702
of me eating foam.

210
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,574
Like a rabid dog.

211
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,402
[knocking]

212
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,275
Oh, good.
This is it.

213
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,103
The guy who opened
the other apartment door

214
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:44,279
wasn't wearing pants.

215
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:45,802
Or underwear.

216
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,109
Or was circumcised.

217
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:49,589
Hi!
I'm here.

218
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,894
What did I miss?

219
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:54,419
The point of literally every
movie we see together.

220
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,987
Marissa, this is Caroline,
Max's business partner.

221
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,423
She texted she was coming.

222
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,426
She's usually not covered
in this much sweat.

223
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,428
Sorry, I had to run
across the bridge,

224
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,953
'cause you need a credit card
for one of those city bikes.

225
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,302
Um, if I had a credit card,

226
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:10,261
why would I be riding
a damn bike?

227
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:13,177
I'm at Beak.
I'm trendy again!

228
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,484
Fifth course.

229
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:18,443
Tiny poached noisy scrubbird
with fiddle ferns

230
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,054
and fermented egg.

231
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:23,231
Oh, that sounds so gross.
I bet it's great.

232
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,452
Max, eat.

233
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:28,758
I sure will.

234
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,368
When I used to watch
Tweety Bird,

235
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:34,546
all I could think was,
"God, that looks delicious."

236
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,636
You're doing great.

237
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,463
Who wants some more wine?

238
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,117
I'm guessing Max.

239
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,684
I can't believe we're here,

240
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:44,644
eating the finest--
what'd he say this was?

241
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,123
Blue jay?

242
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,864
Aren't you proud of me?

243
00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,474
I got through
the first four courses.

244
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:52,652
That's more courses than
I finished in high school.

245
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,742
Oh, look at this pretentious,

246
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:58,440
deliberately relaxed
large napkin.

247
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:01,704
Love it and hate it.

248
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,053
What is that?

249
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:04,925
This first four courses!

250
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:06,622
I cheated,
like in high school!

251
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,668
I couldn't eat it;
it's gross.

252
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,975
No, gross is when you
hand the guy at Del Taco

253
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:15,196
65 cents and tell him
to surprise you.

254
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,285
You are judging me
for not eating most of my

255
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,243
Saturday morning
cartoon lineup?

256
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,637
You want to chomp down on
Foghorn Leghorn?

257
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,510
When a great guy like Randy
is moving to New York for you,

258
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:28,688
yes, you have to eat
your childhood favorites!

259
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,865
Anyone like to come see
the de-spining

260
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,649
of the tiny trumpeter bird?

261
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,173
This could push me over
a million followers.

262
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,090
I can't eat that, Caroline.

263
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,526
And I have nowhere to put it

264
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,703
My bra is at crazy capacity.

265
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:47,184
The fire marshal almost
kicked out my left boob.

266
00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:48,533
Why can't you just try it?

267
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:51,623
You've had worse things
in your mouth.

268
00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,975
He's moving here
to be with you.

269
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,585
He's moving here for a job.

270
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,805
Look, whatever comes next,
just put it in your mouth

271
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,154
and eat it.

272
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,373
Well, I did not know
the bird was gonna be alive.

273
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,550
Worst part?
Making eye contact.

274
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,729
Creamed kimchi
and pelican tongue

275
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,818
with Asian pear.

276
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,602
LENIN: Enjoy.

277
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,561
The least you can do
is swallow a little tongue.

278
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,433
Tongue swallowing?
Foam?

279
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:21,610
This isn't a restaurant;
it's a heroin overdose.

280
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,396
I love you.

281
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,492
Good for you, Max!

282
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,756
This is real growth.

283
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:40,672
Is it bad I feel like the
tongue is tasting me back?

284
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,594
Max, you look sweaty.

285
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:52,772
Like when you try
to do math.

286
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,951
I think that tongue
is looking for an exit.

287
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,823
Randy, we're really excited
for you to come work for us.

288
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,216
How fast can you move
to New York?

289
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:06,786
Not as fast as I have to
get to that bathroom.

290
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,091
Excuse us,

291
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:11,094
we have to go to the
little sparrow's room.

292
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,922
Nope, it's cool,
false alarm.

293
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,272
Nope, real alarm.
Very real alarm.

294
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,622
-Should I come in with you?
-No!

295
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,450
Even I don't want to
go in there!

296
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:22,323
I doubt this door is
soundproof, so talk loud.

297
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,107
Just start with
your normal volume,

298
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:27,458
and then dial it
down a notch.

299
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:29,112
Oh, Marissa!

300
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:35,815
You have to tell me where you
found these fabulous glasses.

301
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,773
Restoration Hardware?

302
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,907
Crate and Barrel?

303
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,647
CAROLINE: Restoration Hardware
Modern?

304
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:43,823
West Elm?
CB2?

305
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,607
CB3?
Is there one of those yet?

306
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,869
-[vomiting]
-You know what?

307
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,044
Let's get some music going!

308
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,654
Like some really loud dubstep,

309
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:51,047
'cause I'm running
out of breath.

310
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,962
Oh, there's no music
allowed here.

311
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:57,140
It would get in the way of
hearing the symphony of taste.

312
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,272
Not my words.

313
00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:00,840
Okay,
they were my words.

314
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,145
I think I'd like
to make a toast.

315
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:03,799
Oh, no, please don't
make a toast.

316
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,933
I've begun not to like you.

317
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:13,548
Seriously, Lenin.

318
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,071
Not even a little
light piano?

319
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,813
You don't need to reinvent
the freaking wheel here.

320
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,162
Hey, Caroline, please.
Just sit.

321
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,034
You know what, I see if
I have another Klonopin.

322
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,863
-I'm fine.
-It's not for you.

323
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,516
Caroline.

324
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,866
Should I go in there?

325
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,476
'Cause I am not hearing
the standard

326
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:30,957
tinkle and a hand wash.

327
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,523
No, don't move.
Stay there.

328
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:35,396
That noise is just the pipes
backing up a little.

329
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:36,397
Well, a lot.

330
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,577
CAROLINE: Oh, Lord!

331
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,621
They're young.

332
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,797
[chuckles]

333
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,627
My camera needs
to be in there.

334
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,151
Enough with the camera!

335
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,414
I'm alive!

336
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,590
[knocking]

337
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,766
Max.

338
00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,463
Where are you going?

339
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,988
Anywhere but here!

340
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,337
RANDY: Max, seriously!

341
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,947
[knocking]
What's going on in there?

342
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,557
CAROLINE:
Everything's okay in here!

343
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,212
We'll be out in a minute.

344
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:12,433
RANDY: If you're not gonna
let me in, at least--

345
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:17,307
Max!

346
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,048
Wait up!

347
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:21,659
You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.

348
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:23,879
I've seen worse.

349
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,925
Okay, no I haven't.

350
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,100
Just go away!

351
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,928
I can't take
that sad look.

352
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,277
It's the same look
you gave Chestnut

353
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,627
that time he crapped
on the couch.

354
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,325
I'm fine alone;
you didn't have to leave.

355
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,457
No, I did.

356
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,720
They couldn't possibly
think one person

357
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,852
was responsible for all that.

358
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,419
Plus, I don't want
to leave you.

359
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,507
You're sick.

360
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,509
I think it's beyond sick.

361
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:48,077
I lost bone mass in there.

362
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,080
My shoes are too big now.

363
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,647
I'm so embarrassed!

364
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:53,822
Hey, it happens.

365
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:55,084
You got a stomach ache.

366
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,999
You're just not
used to rich food.

367
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,219
I'm not used to
rich anything.

368
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,177
And if this is Randy's world--

369
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:04,093
uh, bird bones
and pretentious people--

370
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:08,706
then maybe my body is
telling me I can't take it.

371
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:12,754
Max, if I got used to buying
earrings at the AMPM,

372
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:15,713
you can get used to fancy food
and pretentious people.

373
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:16,714
You don't get it!

374
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:18,978
He is moving here for me.

375
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,458
Oh, do you think so?

376
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,677
I wish your best friend

377
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,679
had been telling you that
for two days.

378
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:26,159
He's moving his whole life.

379
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,812
I don't know how
to do that.

380
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,902
I didn't even know how to react
when he moved my chair for me.

381
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,339
You were right,
it's not about the food;

382
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,558
it's about our future,
and I just vomited

383
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,822
all over our future.

384
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:39,911
What?

385
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,827
I hate to say this,
but you need a mint.

386
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:45,700
Sorry, I love you,
but you need a mint.

387
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:48,311
I need to disappear.

388
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,227
What do you think
of the name Sheila Newman?

389
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,273
Max!

390
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:54,317
Randy.

391
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:57,799
Great, just in time
to see me jump.

392
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,018
What happened?
Where'd you go?

393
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,715
Oh, I jumped on
that bike so fast,

394
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:03,283
my man parts are no
longer talking to me.

395
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:06,068
She didn't want to be
sick in front of you.

396
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:08,156
You got sick?

397
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,071
Okay, fine,
we all heard it.

398
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,683
But why did you leave
without saying something?

399
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,250
Because words were
the only thing

400
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:17,601
not coming out
of my mouth.

401
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:20,082
Max?

402
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,823
You're not gonna
look at me?

403
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:22,867
I can't.

404
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:24,826
Wait, here.

405
00:17:24,868 --> 00:17:26,828
Now she can.

406
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:28,002
You better get back there.

407
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,570
I don't want you
to lose that job.

408
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,093
I don't want that job.

409
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,747
I don't know how many more
pills Marissa took,

410
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,924
but she passed out
in a pot of clam steam.

411
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,969
I missed clam steam?

412
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:40,102
I've been reading about
his clam steam.

413
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,887
Please stop saying
"clam steam."

414
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,107
I can actually
smell the words.

415
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,282
Okay, Max.

416
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:47,979
You are starting
to turn green again,

417
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:50,982
so why don't you hop on,
and I will ride you home

418
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,810
on my bicycle
like a real man.

419
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,203
I don't know, Randy.

420
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,379
A lot of stuff came up
for me at that dinner.

421
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:57,554
And I'm not just
talking about

422
00:17:57,598 --> 00:18:01,080
every single thing
I ate this year.

423
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,518
I mean, maybe I'm
not right for you.

424
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:05,997
Hey.

425
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,130
Don't be so hard on yourself
about tonight.

426
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,392
I mean, look at me.

427
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:12,656
I'm not brave enough
to eat in that diner.

428
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,441
Come here, you.

429
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:19,141
Maybe wait another
60 seconds.

430
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,274
I think we are different.

431
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,102
But we kind of go together.

432
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:27,584
Like peppered baby bird
bladder and pesto.

433
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:28,585
Oh, no.

434
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,239
Oh, my God.

435
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:33,416
That's gonna do it!

436
00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:41,381
Wrong night to be
driving a convertible.

437
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,558
Oh, wait--
no, no, no, no, no, no.

438
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:50,607
[both laugh]

439
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:55,612
So how's your first
diner burger?

440
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,223
It's not bad.

441
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,659
I'm getting
a little something.

442
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,182
Um...mesquite?

443
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,403
Yeah, they die in the fan
and then fall on the grill.

444
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:09,104
I'll take mosquito burger
over pelican any day.

445
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,584
Interesting, Randy.

446
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:13,717
You get two waitresses
paying attention to you

447
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,937
and most people get none.

448
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,808
Like that one over there,

449
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,159
over there,
and that gentleman over there

450
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,335
who's just giving up
and leaving.

451
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,641
Fine, Han, we will
go over to the counter

452
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:25,686
and continue to talk.

453
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:31,344
I know I say a lot
of stuff about you,

454
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,041
especially to your face,

455
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:34,738
but thank you for your
help last night.

456
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,176
I know you would have done
the same thing for me.

457
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,568
But if I ever get that sick,

458
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:41,005
you have my permission
to kill me.

459
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:43,530
I mean, when you went into that
toilet, looking for my earring,

460
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,707
I knew I had found
my post-sex partner.

461
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,363
SOPHIE: You did that for her?

462
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:51,625
Wow!

463
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:54,193
And all this time,
we've been looking for

464
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,673
the perfect couple
to be godparents,

465
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,850
and they're right
under our noses.

466
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,506
Girl-on-girl godparents.

467
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,899
I like it.

468
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:08,119
You two girls are gonna
be great with the baby.

469
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:09,512
SOPHIE: I mean, Caroline,

470
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:12,950
you were elbow-deep
in Max's upchuck.

471
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:15,344
I mean, I wouldn't even
do that for my own father

472
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:18,260
when he swallowed
all those bees.

473
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:21,655
Wow, Sophie,
this is such a huge compliment.

474
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:24,614
Tucked away in a terrible
personal memory.

475
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:28,314
Well, if something would
ever happen to us,

476
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,794
let Max do
the breast feeding.

477
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:34,189
'Cause, yeah, I don't want
the kid to starve.

478
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,278
This is exciting!

479
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:39,063
Randy,
I'm gonna be a godfather.

480
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:40,587
And equally as exciting,

481
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,763
I'm gonna be climbing out
of that bathroom window

482
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,766
in about two minutes.

483
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:49,117
[cash register dings]