1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:02,698
[rock music]

2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,961
Here's your grilled cheese.

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,310
No crust.

4
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,746
Cool.

5
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:08,834
And can you just move

6
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:12,055
your coloring materials, sir?

7
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,491
Look.

8
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:16,320
Pretty.

9
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:19,019
I was born during
the Great Depression,

10
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,369
and I never saw anything
as depressing

11
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:25,851
as that grown-ass
white boy coloring

12
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,290
in the damn coloring book.

13
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:32,467
I was born during a
Def Leppard concert...

14
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:38,255
And that is the most
depressing thing I've ever seen.

15
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:39,517
I'm gonna go school him.

16
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,954
Or, in his case,
pre-school him.

17
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,391
Max, be gentle.

18
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:47,221
I think he's in the middle
of his terrible 32s.

19
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:50,572
Excuse me,
OshKosh B'gosh.

20
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:53,575
I have a question about
your coloring book.

21
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,098
Why?

22
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,665
Oh, they're for adults.

23
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:57,796
Super Zen.

24
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,102
Super meditative.

25
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,364
Helps with stress.

26
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,323
You know what else
helps with stress?

27
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:05,108
Sex.

28
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,849
And even if someone
could get past

29
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,373
those
boner-killing overalls...

30
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,419
you ain't gonna have
any of that if you keep this up.

31
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,334
Not to mention,
how stressful can your life

32
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:16,728
really be if you are carefully
shading a unicorn's ass

33
00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:20,080
at 3:00 p.m. on a Tuesday?

34
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:22,386
[Peter Bjorn and John]
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

35
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,127
[cash register bell dings]

36
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:28,610
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

37
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:33,615
[bell dinging]

38
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,834
OLEG: Pickup. Veggie wrap.

39
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:41,710
Oh, my God,
he's having sex.

40
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:46,149
SOPHIE: Oh, Caroline,
don't be such a prude.

41
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,759
Oh, good,
it's Sophie.

42
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:52,721
I was worried he was
at that bagel again.

43
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:55,680
Who says that a pregnant woman
can't have sex

44
00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:59,336
on the kitchen floor
of a diner?

45
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:02,687
The Health Department, Sophie.

46
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:05,864
Oh boy,
sex makes me thirsty.

47
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,827
She just blew
right past those cups.

48
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,179
Sophie, having sex
with you pregnant

49
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:20,618
is even hotter than having sex
when you had the bird flu.

50
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,447
Yeah, well, you know,
I'm just as sweaty,

51
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:26,885
but I sneeze less.

52
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,670
Sophie, you're really
not letting

53
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,454
this pregnancy
slow you down.

54
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,500
You've already had
more sex just today

55
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:36,808
than Caroline's
had all year.

56
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,853
You're not even in
maternity clothes.

57
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:40,508
Yeah.

58
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:45,339
Well, I don't need to wear one
of those frumpy potato sacks.

59
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:48,516
Yeah, because
I'm a hot potato!

60
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,565
Oh.

61
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,221
Earl, what are you
looking at?

62
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:01,355
I have no idea.

63
00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:05,054
RANDY: All right, Max...

64
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,273
It's time to have that

65
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:08,275
uncomfortable
conversation again.

66
00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,233
Okay, but I thought you said
it was a hard no

67
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:13,671
on having sex in front of
the Today Showwindow?

68
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,107
Oh, come on.

69
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,587
My month here is almost up.

70
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:19,851
I have to get back to L.A.,
and we need a plan.

71
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,591
We have a plan.

72
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:25,988
I use the NuvaRing I found at
the Burlington Coat Factory.

73
00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:30,079
They really are more
than great coats.

74
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:31,515
Max, let's get real.

75
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,343
Max doesn't like to
talk about reality

76
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,866
unless it's reality TV.

77
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:38,478
Like the CopsNew Orleans
episode she was on.

78
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:41,829
It's the only time Fox
has ever aired a nipple.

79
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:48,706
Uh, who ordered
the Korean boy band?

80
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,494
Uh, can I help you?

81
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:54,973
Yeah, hi.

82
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,323
I'm looking for Han Lee.

83
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,238
'Bout yay big.

84
00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:02,372
'Bout yay stupid.

85
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:03,808
You're looking for Han?

86
00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:07,290
Just Han, or are you trying
to collect the whole set?

87
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:11,076
You kind of look like this
Korean pop star named Bong.

88
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,428
Well, my bong is from Korea.

89
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,038
Uh, Han is not here.

90
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:19,606
Well, if you see him, just tell
him Hwang came to say,

91
00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:22,914
if he doesn't call me back,
he's got three strikes

92
00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:25,526
and no balls.

93
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,702
Oh, he knows that.

94
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,401
Oh, my God,
do you think Han

95
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:32,924
may be in some
sort of trouble?

96
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,186
I'm really worried.

97
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,362
[phone beeps]

98
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,581
Oh, J. Crew sale!

99
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:42,107
[rock music]

100
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:45,197
So, after we pay the painters,
the electrician, the plumber,

101
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:47,939
and, of course,
the bribes to the inspectors,

102
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,332
we have just enough money left
for what I like to call

103
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,204
a little "cash cush."

104
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:56,513
If that's cash we use for kush,
I'm excited about it.

105
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,472
We can't spend that money,
so pretend it's not there,

106
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,126
like you do
with recycling bins.

107
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,040
[crashing]

108
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,477
Oh, no!

109
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,741
The rats are using our tarp
as their Superdome again!

110
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:09,483
I'll get the rat mallet!

111
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:13,661
HAN: No, don't get
the rat mallet!

112
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,924
It's a talking one,
get the gun.

113
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:20,929
Well, if it isn't
Crouching Loser, Hidden Virgin.

114
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:27,109
Girls, I'm in a bit
of hot water.

115
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:30,765
What happened, you fell into
a tea cup again?

116
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:34,072
No, I'm in deep trouble!

117
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:37,293
You've never been
in deep anything.

118
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,513
Well, wait, is that why those
scary-looking guys

119
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,297
came into the diner
looking for you

120
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,733
and made some threats?

121
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:46,346
I remember something about
a strike and no balls.

122
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,696
Something about no balls?

123
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:50,784
You monsters didn't get
the precise wording

124
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:53,614
on a threat to my life?

125
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:56,312
I was a little
distracted, Han.

126
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,402
J. Crew claimed to have
a 50% off sale,

127
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:03,624
but then I clicked on the link,
and it was an "up to" 50% sale.

128
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,017
Mostly on men's suiting.

129
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:08,716
Oh, do send me the link
so I can select the suit

130
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:12,589
I'll be buried in!

131
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:16,027
Because you two can't
take a damn message!

132
00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,247
All right, Han,
what is going on?

133
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,466
Are you really in trouble?

134
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,423
[car backfiring]

135
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,294
[screams]

136
00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:23,207
Hey!

137
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,385
What was that?

138
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:28,562
Help me, strong,
big man!

139
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,172
That wasn't gunshots, Han,

140
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,392
it was just a car
backfiring.

141
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,002
What's going on?

142
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:37,308
Well, there's no
easy way to say it.

143
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:42,663
I have a pretty substantial
gambling problem.

144
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:46,884
But Han, that's
almost interesting.

145
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:51,019
Yeah,
and I'm almost history!

146
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,673
In case you
weren't following,

147
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,675
I'm in a lot of debt!

148
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,067
♪

149
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,422
Han, my man,
I'm here for you.

150
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,597
Tell us what it is.

151
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,817
Poker, ponies, football?

152
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,776
It's...

153
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:13,389
ladies tennis.

154
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,870
Ladies tennis?

155
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:18,742
I didn't even know
you played tennis.

156
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:20,570
Yeah, well,
it's a vicious sport.

157
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:24,269
And I lost most of my money on
those Williams sisters.

158
00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:27,447
Never trust a big butt
and a smile.

159
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,015
You're telling me!

160
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:34,279
I thought the bad one
was the good one.

161
00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:35,890
How much do you owe
these people?

162
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,196
Well, with the initial debt
and the interest,

163
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,937
I'm told it's
in the neighborhood

164
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:42,940
of a black market kidney.

165
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,855
Those are pretty pricey.

166
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:48,380
I know,
I have two of them.

167
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:52,297
Han, that's fascinating,
yet disturbing.

168
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:56,476
Like when you use a black light
at a Red Roof Inn.

169
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,216
You're like an enigma.

170
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:01,742
Enigma, please.

171
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:05,180
[rock music]

172
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,835
Han, how dangerous
can Hwang be?

173
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,880
His office is in
a karaoke bar.

174
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,142
The only thing
he's gonna murder

175
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,928
is the Hall and Oates
catalogue.

176
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:16,321
Han, you have to
face this bully.

177
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:19,542
And this is coming from
your biggest bully.

178
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:23,720
Now come on, do what I say,
or I'll beat you up.

179
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,156
Here we go.

180
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,682
Oh, I just remembered--
I need to get my sweater.

181
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,205
From my home.

182
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:33,207
In Korea.

183
00:08:34,991 --> 00:08:37,559
♪ Hey I just met you

184
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,519
♪ And this is crazy

185
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,042
♪ So here's my number

186
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:43,044
♪ Oh, so call me maybe

187
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:45,655
♪ And all the other girls

188
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,527
♪ Try to chase me

189
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,267
♪ But here's my number

190
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:50,747
♪ So call me maybe

191
00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:51,966
Boom.

192
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,663
[hooting]

193
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:55,970
[applause]

194
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,101
He looks busy.

195
00:08:57,145 --> 00:09:00,191
Let's revisit this
in September.

196
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,933
HWANG: Oh, I see
we have company.

197
00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:06,546
Come in, sit down,
give me my money.

198
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,025
Look, Mr. Hwang.

199
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:11,202
We understand Han has a weakness
for pleated white skirts

200
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,726
and over-developed thighs.

201
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,379
Slow down,
let me handle this.

202
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:17,034
I have experience
with hardened criminals.

203
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:21,430
First off,
killer Carly Rae Jeps.

204
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:25,565
Um, do you mind if a sister
does, like, five shots?

205
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,001
Look, Mr. Hwang.

206
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,091
Call me by my first name:
Hwang.

207
00:09:30,134 --> 00:09:33,877
Your names is Hwang Hwang?

208
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:36,619
Oh, you think that's funny?

209
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:37,881
So did Kim.

210
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:42,364
Kim, show them
your mangled genitals.

211
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:46,194
We're all set,
mangled genitals-wise.

212
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:50,546
Speak for yourself, I'd take a
peek at them mangled gennies.

213
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,680
Uh, perhaps we could put an
installment plan in place

214
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:54,898
for the money Han owes you?

215
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,421
How much is it, exactly?

216
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,075
$30,000.

217
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:01,992
BOTH: On ladies tennis?

218
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,212
I'm sure we can
figure this out.

219
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:08,346
Yeah, I have a free pass
to any AMC Theatre.

220
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:16,572
I should warn you, though,
it does exclude the IMAX.

221
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,182
Keep it, Han.

222
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,663
I've decided to give you a
little time to pay me back.

223
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,709
MAX: That is so cool of you.

224
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:23,753
How much time?

225
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,799
Uh, one song.

226
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,583
Right now.

227
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,540
And Han?

228
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,542
You better make it
a toe-tapper.

229
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,457
'Cause when you're done,

230
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:36,200
you'll have one less toe
to tap.

231
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,247
You're not really gonna
take off his toes.

232
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:43,686
Kim, show him
your missing toes.

233
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,601
Come on, Han,
it's show time.

234
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,559
I mean, "toe time."

235
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,956
Oh, my God, this is like
when they make people sing

236
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,656
on American Idolafter
they've been voted off.

237
00:10:56,699 --> 00:11:00,747
Hwang, what are you gonna do
with another toe?

238
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,531
I mean, you think
you need another one,

239
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,664
and then they just
sit on the shelf.

240
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,623
If I don't take his toes,
then I'm known as the guy

241
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:12,149
who says he's gonna take toes
and then doesn't take toes.

242
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,935
Uh, can I peruse
a song book?

243
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:18,982
It might take a while,
I'm very picky.

244
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,029
ABBA...

245
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:25,641
AC/DC...

246
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,949
Adele...

247
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:32,169
I already
picked you a song.

248
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:35,172
"Last Dance"by Donna Summer.

249
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,479
HWANG: 'Cause when
that toe is gone,

250
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,568
it'll be the last time
you dance.

251
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:40,917
Sing.

252
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,745
[Donna Summer's
"Last Dance"playing]

253
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:47,141
♪ Oh

254
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,491
♪

255
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:53,756
♪ Oh

256
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,151
♪

257
00:11:57,194 --> 00:12:01,285
♪ Last dance

258
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:06,464
♪ Last chance for love

259
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:10,468
♪

260
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:14,124
♪ Yes it's my last chance

261
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:16,866
♪ For romance

262
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,913
♪ Tonight

263
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:24,874
♪

264
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:27,572
♪ I need you

265
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:30,750
♪ By me

266
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,882
♪ Beside me

267
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,318
♪ To guide me

268
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,798
What are we gonna do?

269
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,104
You heard Han.

270
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:41,586
He needs us by him,
beside him, to guide him!

271
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,110
Should we go
and get the cops?

272
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,589
No, by the time
they get back,

273
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:48,245
Han will have one less toe,
if Hwang even stops there.

274
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:49,594
What if he takes
his whole foot?

275
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,511
Han needs all the height
he can get.

276
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:56,253
Didn't you say something about
us having a money cushion?

277
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,907
We can't use the cushion.

278
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:00,823
We need it for the dessert bar
in case we have a slow start.

279
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:04,435
Like we have had with every
business we've started before.

280
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:07,743
You sure?
'Cause...

281
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,746
♪ Don't leave

282
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,793
♪ Scold me

283
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:16,099
♪ 'Cause when I'm bad

284
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:20,625
♪ I'm so so bad

285
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:27,719
Leaning towards helping.

286
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:31,723
Han is annoying, nerdy,
bad at sports,

287
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:34,465
but he gave us a cushion when
we didn't have anything.

288
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:37,686
Max, I want to help Han,
but I also don't want us

289
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:38,948
to wind up with nothing.

290
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,689
Again.

291
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:43,344
Let me see him
one more time.

292
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:46,826
♪ So let's dance

293
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,436
♪ Let's dance

294
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,133
HAN: ♪ Let's dance

295
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,700
♪ The last dance

296
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,006
Can I start over?

297
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:56,966
I had a bubble in my throat.

298
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,186
[rock music]

299
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,144
Chestnut,
we have big news.

300
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,712
And something called mochi.

301
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:04,887
RANDY: In here.

302
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,889
I let myself in.

303
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,978
Chestnut can talk?

304
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,154
Thank you, God!

305
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,942
What's up,
good looking?

306
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,247
CAROLINE: I still can't believe

307
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,119
you're dating someone
who looks like that,

308
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,382
and can read.

309
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,038
Randy, you will
not believe what we did.

310
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,778
We saved Han's life.

311
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:29,607
Well, not his life,
so much as his toe,

312
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:33,524
but still an amazing
gesture on our part.

313
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:34,395
Well...

314
00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:37,833
long story
about a short guy,

315
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:42,142
we bought the diner.

316
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,491
I had to get
something out of it.

317
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,928
I mean,
I'm not Mother Teresa.

318
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,843
You bought the diner?

319
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,193
The diner that doesn't
show up on Google Maps

320
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,716
for legal reasons?

321
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,370
That diner?

322
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,024
Why would you do that?

323
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,896
Well, not bought, exactly.

324
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,724
We got Han out of debt in
exchange for part ownership.

325
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:02,902
It's like, we spend five years
trying to get out of hell,

326
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:06,035
and then...
we bought hell!

327
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,210
Crazy, right?

328
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,604
Yeah, no, real crazy.

329
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,954
When I think of impulse buys,
I think of Altoids

330
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,087
or a flashlight keychain.

331
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:17,307
Well, I guess
congratulations.

332
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:18,874
Wait, what is that look
on your face?

333
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,745
I've never seen it before.

334
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,747
Are you mad?

335
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:24,227
Just surprised
you didn't think

336
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,055
to talk to me
about it first.

337
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:30,930
What, every time I buy a diner,
I have to tell you?

338
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,758
I go back to L.A.
in three days.

339
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:35,282
You couldn't make
a plan for that,

340
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,762
but you bought the diner?

341
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:39,808
That's a commitment.

342
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,810
Now it's done.

343
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:47,685
I should go tell Chestnut
what we did.

344
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,862
'Cause he is gonna laugh.

345
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:56,781
I know what'll
make this all okay.

346
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:59,045
Some jug snugs?

347
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:02,004
Yours, not mine.

348
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,788
Nothing?

349
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,094
Well, if we're not
gonna do it,

350
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:06,182
at least put on a shirt.

351
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,619
I am human.

352
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,447
You really think you're
gonna have time for us?

353
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,624
Starting a new business
and owning the diner?

354
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:14,712
Yes!

355
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,540
I had four jobs
in sixth grade,

356
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:20,022
and I still had time to follow
Smash Mouth around the country.

357
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:24,461
Not the band, a meth head
my mom really liked.

358
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:28,117
Chestnut had a big reaction to
the news, as well.

359
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,119
Where's the poop shovel?

360
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:31,425
[rock music]

361
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,126
Hey, boss ladies,
congratulations!

362
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,737
I heard that you own
the diner now.

363
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,914
Which is why I am
doing double doobies.

364
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,657
Part!
Part owners!

365
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:47,789
I'm still the boss.

366
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:48,790
Put that away!

367
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:51,793
Doobie continued.

368
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,318
Who's the boss,
Tiny Danza?

369
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:58,321
Well, I will be again,
as soon as I scrape up

370
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,019
the money to pay you back.

371
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:01,455
But don't worry,
from now on,

372
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,848
I'm not gambling on anything
but lunch at Chipotle.

373
00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:10,333
Hey, everybody!

374
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:13,249
Sophie's back
and better than ever!

375
00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:16,861
Like racism in America.

376
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,299
I heard that.

377
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518
Wow, Sophie,
that is some dress.

378
00:17:21,561 --> 00:17:25,479
And there must be one
very cold leopard out there.

379
00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:28,830
Oh, I like your style, baby.

380
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:30,484
SOPHIE: I realized

381
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:35,054
I don't need to wear those
basic bitch maternity clothes.

382
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:39,406
I can be maternal without
losing that little whisper

383
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,409
that says, "I'm doable."

384
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,108
Yes, you are.

385
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:49,372
She also made a maternity item
for the bedroom.

386
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:52,810
It's called "The Pregligé."

387
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:53,985
Hey, Oleg.

388
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:57,119
Meet me in the bathroom.

389
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,299
Hey, Earl,
I'm heading out.

390
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,606
I guess we'll never get to do
that Lethal Weaponreboot

391
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,521
we talked about.

392
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:12,265
That's all right, I'm doing
a Rush Hourreboot with Han.

393
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:14,049
What're you doing
with that luggage?

394
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,399
Did I get you kicked out
of another hotel?

395
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,488
No, I changed my ticket.

396
00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:20,838
Going back to L.A. today.

397
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,405
But that's today.

398
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:25,756
And that is a ticket
to Los Angeles.

399
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,760
Use it whenever you want
and I'll be there.

400
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,110
This is empty.

401
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,765
Yeah, everything's
done online now.

402
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:37,420
I just did that
for effect.

403
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,292
You'll get an email.

404
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:42,643
Good luck with your dessert bar
and the diner.

405
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,427
I'm gonna see you.

406
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,429
Yeah.

407
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,265
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

408
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,485
Why are you being
so good-bye-y?

409
00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:01,444
I'm gonna visit as soon as
things get settled here.

410
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,967
And we'll talk every day.

411
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,796
I'm even better at phone sex
than I am at real sex.

412
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,276
I find that
hard to believe.

413
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,801
It's the only thing on
my resumé that's not a lie.

414
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:14,631
I'll figure it out.
We'll make a plan.

415
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,198
I know you think that.

416
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,374
But I think I was right
the first time.

417
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:21,290
Long-distance relationships
don't work.

418
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,988
And I think the real
distance between us

419
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:26,208
is where we are
in our lives.

420
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:27,166
What distance?

421
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:30,343
I'm three inches away
from you.

422
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:34,695
You better get back
to your diner.

423
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,871
I love you, Max.

424
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:40,918
I love you, too.

425
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,970
Okay, that felt
really good-bye-y.

426
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,022
I'm okay, Earl.

427
00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:01,200
This is for me.

428
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:06,117
I know this is really hard,
but you don't know where

429
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,467
this all is gonna end up.

430
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:10,861
Like you, when you ride
the subway on ecstasy.

431
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:14,604
Are you okay?

432
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:17,128
I am the opposite of okay.

433
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:23,047
You know, as the boss,
I could let you take a break.

434
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:24,788
I mean, ten minutes, tops.

435
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,268
If I give you more
than ten minutes,

436
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,096
then I'll be known
as the girl who says

437
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:29,358
she's gonna give
ten minutes,

438
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:32,709
then doesn't give
ten minutes.

439
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,363
I need to talk
to the owner.

440
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,538
BOTH: That's me!

441
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:39,760
Oh, that was really painful.

442
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,980
And probably worse
than losing a toe.

443
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:46,897
[rock music]

444
00:20:46,941 --> 00:20:49,073
[cash register bell dings]