1
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:07,075
Max, what is all this?

2
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,743
I thought we were running fancy
purchases past each other

3
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:13,214
since you yelled at me
for splurging on two-ply.

4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:16,550
You might as well wipe with
dollar bills, your royal heinie.

5
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,120
This is for
a big cake order I got

6
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,588
from Over-Eaters Anonymous.

7
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,091
And, like it's members,
it's a big 'un.

8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,526
I thought we didn't take
special orders anymore

9
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,794
since we opened the dessert bar.

10
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,530
You know, like how girls
stop doing mouth stuff

11
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,799
after they get a ring.

12
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,702
Which is why
I don't give girls rings.

13
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,671
They're having a group cheat day
and I wanna help them.

14
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,373
It's my way of giving nothing.

15
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,109
Max, that's terrible.

16
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,477
We can't enable people
that have a real problem.

17
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:44,712
They're paying us 1,000 bucks.

18
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,680
Like I said,
the customer is always right.

19
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,417
You know,
with that kind of money,

20
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,185
we could go from two-ply
to wet wipes.

21
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,322
Pfft, slow your two-ply roll,
money bags.

22
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,557
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

23
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,359
(cash register bell dings)

24
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:03,397
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

25
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,301
Ugh, there's no room
on our side.

26
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,702
Han's side is empty though.

27
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,839
Just like his Little People,
Big World viewing parties.

28
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,208
I went once.

29
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,709
Oh, Han left another note

30
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,379
telling us not to put our stuff
on his stuff.

31
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,214
There's not enough alcohol
in the world

32
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,183
to get my stuff on his stuff.

33
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,584
"Dear girls, how are you?

34
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,354
Been unseasonably hot lately,
hasn't it?"

35
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,721
He really beats around the bush.

36
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,623
Again, not enough alcohol.

37
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:30,858
"I'd really appreciate

38
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,760
if you kept your supplies
on your--"

39
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,195
Wow, his notes are more boring

40
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,364
than your "remember
when I had money" stories.

41
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,666
Come on, Max.
We're slamming Han.

42
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,368
Let's stay focused.

43
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,835
Remember when I had money,
though?

44
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:45,506
I'm crafting
my response to Han right now.

45
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,640
I wanna keep it light.

46
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,442
(gasps)
Did I ever tell you

47
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,610
we actually had a money room

48
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,212
like in Richie Rich comics?

49
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,714
-Yep.
-Hello, girls.

50
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,184
Read anything good lately?

51
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,619
Perhaps a note
on stationary that says,

52
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,921
"From the desk
of a jelly bean addict?

53
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,824
Han, if you have
something to say,

54
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,927
look us in the kneecaps
and say it.

55
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,396
(sniffs)

56
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,764
I smell smoke,
and where there's smoke,

57
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,401
there's usually
something of mine burning.

58
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,169
Earl, watch the diner for me.

59
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,238
Sure thing.

60
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:19,240
Girls, watch the diner for me.

61
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,909
I gotta go to the bathroom
again.

62
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:25,846
My prostate changes faster
than the lineup of The View.

63
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,183
Caroline,
watch the diner for me.

64
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,551
Max, watch the diner for me.
(both laugh)

65
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,253
Jinx, you owe me a soda.

66
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,388
But not from here.

67
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:35,423
(laughing)

68
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,724
Hilar, right?

69
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,426
Not you.

70
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,828
Randy was giving me
a Facetime motorboat.

71
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,497
Hey, Caroline.

72
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,766
Arr, it was a bit nippy
in there.

73
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,702
Ahoy, Captain.
(laughs)

74
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,604
Oh, why am I playing along?

75
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,274
Well, we should probably stop
having phone sex

76
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,608
'cause I'm at Pinkberry

77
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,744
and I got
a lot of decisions to make.

78
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,579
Well, call me back
so your pinkberries

79
00:02:58,612 --> 00:02:59,847
don't become blueberries.

80
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:00,648
(laughs)

81
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,818
Girls, come on.
This is a workplace.

82
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,588
Do you think I can use dish soap
on these?

83
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,959
You should use gasoline
on those.

84
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,927
So...

85
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,563
isn't it about time
you and Randy

86
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,565
made your relationship
official again?

87
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,633
You talk to him
more than you talk to me,

88
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,469
which brings me
to my second point:

89
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:22,470
I'm hurt.

90
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,604
(scoffs)

91
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,473
We are not in a relationship.

92
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,741
Or a long-distance relationship.

93
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,311
We are just two people
looking for good lighting

94
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,480
for our sex parts.

95
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,615
Excuse me.

96
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,750
I'm looking for Earl Washington.

97
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,452
How do you know
Earl's last name?

98
00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:41,422
Even his license just says Earl.

99
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,990
You're not the DirecTV lady,
are you?

100
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,025
'Cause he told us
he's not paying for Starz

101
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,495
till the channel
actually gets some.

102
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,863
Earl Washington,
about 6'2",

103
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:53,634
strong as an ox,
big bushy afro?

104
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:57,738
Honey, we shrunk the Earl.

105
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,742
Um, when was the last time you
saw this "Big Earl"?

106
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,678
1961.
We were sweethearts.

107
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,914
But I went to Havana
to visit my family

108
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,916
and to bring Earl back
some cigars.

109
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,985
Then the revolution came
and the rest is communism.

110
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:15,723
Earl's got people hunting him
down across time and space,

111
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,725
and I can't get a second date?

112
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,394
(gasps)
Earl!

113
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,363
Oh, it's you.

114
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,698
I recognize that swagger.

115
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,335
She does?

116
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,337
Wow, Pilar.

117
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,804
You have my cigars?

118
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,443
He remembers her,
but yesterday

119
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,045
he accidentally worked
a full shift at Denny's.

120
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,982
I can't believe I'm here.

121
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,319
You know, I tried to float
to you on a porta-potty in 1984,

122
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,520
but it did not work out.

123
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,789
I haven't been this excited

124
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:52,426
since I found out
I didn't work at Denny's.

125
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,329
You are still
a fine piece of man, Earl.

126
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,366
And you are beau-ti-ful.

127
00:04:58,399 --> 00:04:59,867
Girl, let's get outta here.

128
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,970
How do you feel
about exclusively being on top?

129
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,006
Mmm, mmm, mmm.

130
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,542
He's still got it.

131
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,378
Where is he hiding it?

132
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,713
That is so cute.

133
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,382
I hope she knows CPR.

134
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,987
Those over-eaters are really
getting their money's worth.

135
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,090
Especially since you added
the meat layer.

136
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,459
It's gonna compliment
the potatoes.

137
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,860
(cell phone chimes)

138
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,497
Speaking of complimenting
my potatoes,

139
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,864
listen to what Randy texted.

140
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,966
No, thanks.
If I liked porn,

141
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,768
I wouldn't have thrown away
Sophie and Oleg's

142
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,970
"We're Having a Baby" card.

143
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,473
No, this is disturbingly clean.

144
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,843
"Have an hour layover
in Newark Airport tomorrow.

145
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,678
So close and yet so far."

146
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,813
-(gasps)
-What does that mean?

147
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,882
Does he wanna see my boobs
or my junk?

148
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,651
Now he's speaking my language.

149
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,620
The language of romantic comedy.

150
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:53,954
He wants more.

151
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,023
My butt?

152
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,459
Max, he wants you
to meet him at the airport.

153
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:01,829
Airports are the romantic climax
to every great love story.

154
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,830
Casablanca,

155
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,698
Love Actually,

156
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,567
Snakes on a Plane.

157
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,603
Ah, now I get it.

158
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,104
So point to it on my body.

159
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,710
Hey, girls.

160
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,480
I'm trying
to make the baby laugh.

161
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,781
Here's one...

162
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,417
Two girls walk into
a dessert bar

163
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,618
and they never leave.

164
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,788
(laughs)

165
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:32,626
Ah, see?
Nothing.

166
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,462
You girls think I'm funny.
Right?

167
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,397
You married Oleg,
so you have a sense of humor.

168
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,801
I don't get it.

169
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,171
I'm trying
to make Barbara laugh,

170
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,508
but you know what?
I'm like Leno at 10:00.

171
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,942
You know?
I'm getting nothing.

172
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,045
See?
Crickets.

173
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,648
Have you tried any
got-your-nose material?

174
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,517
Always makes Caroline laugh.

175
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,686
(laughing)
Stop!

176
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,220
Give me back my nose!

177
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,790
(laughs)

178
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,992
You know what?
That's really not funny.

179
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,228
You know what they say.

180
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,532
That babies that are this age
are supposed to laugh,

181
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,933
and that gets me really worried.

182
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:16,870
'Cause what if Barbara
has no idea what's funny?

183
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:20,574
Like a Netflix comedy.

184
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,142
Narcos is pretty funny,

185
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,545
but I guess
you had to be there.

186
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:28,015
Wait a minute.
I got something.

187
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,586
Ah, she doesn't even like
fart jokes.

188
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,924
Neither do we.

189
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,260
Speak for yourself.

190
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,230
All right.

191
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,965
Did you text Randy back?

192
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,967
I don't know what to say to him.

193
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,503
How does, "New phone, who dis?"
sound?

194
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,006
If you were Sally,
you would have never met Harry.

195
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,175
If he wants me
to meet him at the airport,

196
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,910
he's gonna have
to come out and ask me.

197
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,245
He wants you to meet him.

198
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,614
He's just speaking
in the language of romance.

199
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:01,882
Which you don't understand

200
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,084
'cause it doesn't have
any burps in it.

201
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,253
I know how to interpret
these things.

202
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,690
Uh, sorry, but you are horrible
at interpreting things.

203
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,258
You thought
when I first said "hi" to you

204
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,926
it meant I wanted you
to move in with me

205
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,862
for six years.

206
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,998
Well, sorry if you had me
at hello.

207
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,605
There she is 18 hours later.

208
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,607
Mama's greatest accomplishment:

209
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,775
Maple vanilla rum cake

210
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,309
with a raspberry cream cheese
filling

211
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,778
and a white chocolate crumble.

212
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,646
Also, there's a ham in it.

213
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,281
Can you have
a contact heart attack

214
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,683
from looking at something?

215
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,084
'Cause my left arm is tingly.

216
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,020
Let's load this monster
in the back.

217
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,623
How many times
have I is said that?

218
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,592
Ooh, can I get
a hunk of that ham?

219
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,893
No!

220
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,896
Oh, there's no room on our side.

221
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,832
Oh, my God, Max,
why is this so heavy?

222
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,602
That's gonna be
the layer of hot dogs.

223
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,169
Let's just put it on Han's side.

224
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,338
Move his note.
I'll burn it later.

225
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,141
Aw, he got this one notarized.

226
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,776
And he's a notary.

227
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,545
There's a lot of sides
to that square.

228
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,782
(exhales)
So...

229
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:10,751
I've been thinking about
your airport outfit.

230
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,320
You're not gonna like this,
but I think it may be time

231
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,055
for you got a third shirt.

232
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,590
You're not gonna like this.

233
00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:19,026
I think it's time
for you to get a second friend.

234
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,328
You haven't seen Randy
in six months.

235
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,697
I mean, you've seen parts of him
on your phone,

236
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,932
but you haven't seen the whole.

237
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,867
Oh, I've seen the hole.

238
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,368
He fell
getting out of the shower.

239
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,003
What is wrong with you?

240
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,338
I know you're crazy about him.

241
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,041
I am, but what if
he doesn't want me to come?

242
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,810
What if I get there
and I'm like, "Hey,"

243
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,379
and he's like, "Uh, hey..."

244
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,848
I don't wanna be embarrassed.

245
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,284
Then don't say "hey"
like that ever.

246
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,954
And since when do you care
about being embarrassed?

247
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,822
Your raincoat is a trash bag.

248
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:52,259
Ugh, it matches
my duct tape shoes.

249
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,395
I am not going to the airport.

250
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,865
Uh, sure, Pilar.

251
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,934
It's on like Donkey Kong.

252
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,036
How's it going with Pilar?

253
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,038
You crazy kids still having fun?

254
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,974
She's wearing me out.

255
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,009
Well,
at least you have somebody.

256
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,380
Whoa, simmer down,
Lonely Island.

257
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,848
Earl, what's going on?

258
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,050
She wants to see
everything she's missed

259
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,919
in the last 50 years.

260
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,021
Now she wants to go
to Disney World.

261
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,356
You know what, Earl?
You need to breathe.

262
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,159
How about we go for one of those
invigorating walks we take

263
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,395
whenever your leg blood
isn't moving?

264
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,897
Do you need your Walker, Earl?

265
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,899
Of course I do.

266
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,835
Thank you.

267
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,406
Just put it right over--

268
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,874
(gasps)

269
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,276
That admittedly gorgeous cake

270
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,879
is not the property
of the Williamsburg Diner.

271
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,048
I'm losing interest
real fast here Han.

272
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,249
Where am I putting this box?

273
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,751
I'm moving the cake.

274
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,387
You play with the bull,
you get the Han.

275
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,957
I guess CrossFit
failed me again today.

276
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,391
You went once
and you passed out.

277
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,927
I didn't hydrate.

278
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,194
(gasps)

279
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,332
Oh, boy.

280
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,835
Oh, my God.

281
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,770
Is that a hot dog?

282
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,139
Wake up, Han.
Wake up.

283
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,841
You're having a terrible dream

284
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,077
where you destroyed something
very important to the girls

285
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,379
and they're going to kill you.

286
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,247
Yeah, we're still here.

287
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,415
You dropped the cake.
This is happening.

288
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,285
What have I done?

289
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,857
Looks like someone
got themselves in a little jam.

290
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,059
Mmm, raspberry.

291
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,861
Stop licking things.

292
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,463
We need to put this
back together.

293
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,932
Yes, yes, this is working.

294
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,768
No one will be the wiser.

295
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,871
We'll just frost over the crime.

296
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,806
Why is there a ham?

297
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,374
This cake makes no sense!

298
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,177
Get up.

299
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,145
You're making
a fool of yourself.

300
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,380
And that's coming from a guy

301
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,216
who burnt his nuts
on a hand dryer earlier.

302
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,953
(crying)
Tell me what to do.

303
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,522
Relax.

304
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,892
This cake had no family,

305
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,961
no friends,
no dental records.

306
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,196
I've done this before.

307
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,832
With other cakes, of course.

308
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,302
I'm so scared.

309
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,374
Earl is really in a bad way
over Pilar.

310
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,443
I've never seen him
that confused.

311
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,246
Well, then you've never
watched him button a shirt.

312
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,415
-Where's the cake?
-The cake?

313
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,517
(gasps)
We put it right here.

314
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,787
It couldn't have grown
little legs and walked away.

315
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,255
Little legs?

316
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,290
(both gasp)
together: Han!

317
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,862
Oleg, have you seen our cake?

318
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,263
I see a lot of cakes.

319
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,999
This is New York City.
Cakes up the wazoo.

320
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,035
Pancakes, baby cakes,
patty cakes.

321
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,103
They should change the name
to New Cake City.

322
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,405
He knows something.

323
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,474
Not much, but something.

324
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:57,010
But that is a pretty great name
for New York.

325
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,280
Earl, have you seen
a man-sized cake

326
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,883
being carried by
a cake-sized man?

327
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,451
I have other stuff on my mind.

328
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,020
I gotta tell Pilar
I don't wanna go to Disney World

329
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,422
and Burning Man's off too.

330
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,323
HAN: Hello, girls.

331
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,292
I've been thinking
of adding a chicken leg

332
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,028
to the shift meal.
Thoughts?

333
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,596
Where'd you hide our cake?

334
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,531
With the rest of your body?

335
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,467
(laughs)

336
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,903
Who crapped in your coffee?

337
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,104
First I'm gonna say:

338
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,839
That's a strong yes
on the chicken leg.

339
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:29,176
Now, where's my maple vanilla
cake with hot dog filling?

340
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,311
We put it on your side of
the shelf and now it's gone.

341
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,514
I have no idea
what you're talking about.

342
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,517
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to cake a phone call.

343
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,087
I mean, make a phone cake.

344
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,155
Search him, Max.

345
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,590
All the way down
to his Underoos.

346
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,193
(scoffs)
Check my Underoos.

347
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,594
There's something sweet
in there,

348
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,897
but it's not cake.

349
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,498
You've got nothing on me.

350
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,034
Oleg, tell them
I haven't seen their cake.

351
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,202
Right, bro?

352
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,204
Cake? What cake?
I see a lot of cakes.

353
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,505
This is New York City.
Cakes up the wazoo.

354
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,207
patty cakes, pancakes,
baby cake.

355
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,942
-They should name the city, uh--
-New Cake City.

356
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,076
Yeah, we got it.

357
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,179
Maybe Han's telling the truth.

358
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,614
Do you think
one of those over-eaters

359
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,917
could have snuck in here
without us knowing?

360
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,384
You saw how cramped it is
back there.

361
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,221
This morning I had to go in
one boob at a time.

362
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,256
(scoffs)
Where could it be?

363
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,028
Just 'cause your keys
were in there one time.

364
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,465
Hey, everybody.

365
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,900
We're here.

366
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,536
Yeah, me and the ice queen.

367
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,205
You know,
if she doesn't laugh soon,

368
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,341
people are gonna think
she's German.

369
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,247
She's getting
real monster truck rally

370
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,614
with that carriage.

371
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,151
Well, I guess I'm gonna have
to make another cake.

372
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:47,120
I have 60 "just checking in"
voicemails on my phone

373
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:48,388
asking about it.
(cell phone chimes)

374
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,422
Oh, 61.

375
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,391
But you have to go meet Randy
at the airport.

376
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,293
I'm not going to the airport.

377
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,997
Besides, I have too many enemies
at Hudson News.

378
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,232
Wow.

379
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,469
This is the second best
hot dog cake I've ever had.

380
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,536
(both gasp)

381
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,272
I don't want to
jump to conclusions,

382
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,940
but I think that's
our hot dog cake.

383
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,675
Sophie, where did you get that?

384
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,944
Oleg.

385
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,412
Can you believe he buried this?

386
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,248
(chuckles)
Good thing that I can dig.

387
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,451
It was Han.
If it makes you feel any better,

388
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,687
he cried as we shoveled it
into a bucket.

389
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,022
BOTH: Han!

390
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,090
MAX: Get out here!

391
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,657
We know you killed our cake.

392
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,593
You sold me out?

393
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:30,097
I want my 48.50 back,
you stool pigeon.

394
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,464
I can't bury a cake

395
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,666
and not bring some home
for my wife.

396
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,003
You heard my vows.

397
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,570
This is your fault

398
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,107
for not paying attention
to my notes.

399
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,441
Prepare to meet your maker, Han.

400
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,243
Which I'm assuming is Mattel.

401
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,112
Please don't kill me.

402
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,680
I have so much...
a lot...

403
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,082
well, some things to live for.

404
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:52,085
(baby laughs)

405
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,187
Did you hear that?

406
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,123
Ah, the girls scared Han,

407
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,291
and it made Barbara laugh.

408
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:01,628
Ah, I guess she likes
to hear other babies in danger.

409
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,695
(baby laughs)

410
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,397
That's my girl.

411
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,334
Hi, Earl.

412
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,370
I am excited to fly to Florida
instead of floating there

413
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,406
on the door of a '57 Chevy.

414
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,109
Earl, is there anything
you wanna tell Pilar

415
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,011
about your trip to Disney World?

416
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,580
Yeah, I, uh...

417
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,350
Got the park hopper.

418
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,053
It's two parks
for the price of three.

419
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,520
Earl?

420
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,489
Oh, hell.

421
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,525
Uh, Pilar...

422
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,361
I don't wanna got Disney World.

423
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,096
I didn't even like
The Lion King.

424
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,465
Too much Africa stuff.

425
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,699
I honestly don't know
how to process

426
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,069
somebody not liking
The Lion King.

427
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,771
Look, Pilar,
I've drank it all,

428
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,440
I've smoked it all,
I've done it all.

429
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:50,343
You are just starting out
on your ride.

430
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,079
I don't wanna slow you down.

431
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,347
I see.

432
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,549
This is why
I'm not going to the airport.

433
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:59,186
She's probably so embarrassed
right now.

434
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,653
You'd think I'd be embarrassed

435
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,256
because I came all this way here
for you,

436
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,058
but I don't regret it.

437
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,460
Uh, excuse me?

438
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:10,397
Can I get some mustard
for this cake?

439
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,599
Earl, if I didn't come,

440
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,268
I'd always have wondered
what could have been.

441
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,504
I am glad you came.

442
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,207
Showed me
my heart can take a lot.

443
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,675
-(giggles)
-Whoever had this one before me

444
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,311
must have been a jogger.

445
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,480
It was great seeing you, Earl.

446
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,751
Now, I'm gonna
go get my Goofy on.

447
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,420
Uh, Pilar,

448
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,488
can I catch a ride with you
to the airport?

449
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,723
I gotta meet a guy.

450
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,626
Yeah, I guess
I gotta meet a guy too.

451
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,694
Caroline...

452
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,396
do you wanna come?

453
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:46,299
I thought you'd never ask.

454
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,834
So, should we share a cab?

455
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,570
You know, in Cuba, I shared
an apartment with a horse.

456
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,473
(laughs)
Well, that's just weird.

457
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,608
Bye, Earl.

458
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,544
Aw, he's asleep.

459
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,412
MAX: (chuckles softly)

460
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,483
Yep, he's asleep.

461
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,190
MAX: Hurry up.
Now we're gonna be late.

462
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,359
Ugh, there were plenty of people
who could have helped that guy

463
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,860
back into his wheelchair.

464
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:17,330
All right, Randy's last flight
landed at terminal four,

465
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,865
and his next flight
is out of terminal six.

466
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,467
He should be here any second.

467
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,768
You look beautiful.

468
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,203
You sure?

469
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,338
Do I have anything in my teeth?

470
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,375
Just the candy corn
you use as a molar.

471
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,811
(gasps)
There he is!

472
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,413
Randy!

473
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,417
Sorry, I'm not sure I'll ever
get to have

474
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,486
my own airport moment.

475
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,521
Caroline,
what're you doing here?

476
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,757
Max!

477
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,396
Sir, I'm gonna need you
to look deep into my eyes

478
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,663
while I frisk you.

479
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,435
And I'm gonna need you
to take off that shirt.

480
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,438
This actually
kind of happens to me a lot.

481
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,773
Even in libraries.

482
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,913
Should I take my shirt off too?

483
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:10,650
No, you're in an airport,
not a McDonald's.

484
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,419
Max, I--

485
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,421
I didn't think you were
actually coming to see me.

486
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:17,257
Well, 'cause you didn't
actually ask.

487
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,192
You look great.

488
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,294
Easy on the nipples there,
Sheryl.

489
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:24,931
All right, you're good.

490
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,567
No need to put
your shirt back on, though.

491
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,443
You're good.

492
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,782
Hey.

493
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,351
Hey.

494
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:46,819
I'm really happy you came.

495
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,355
You are?

496
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,856
Then why didn't you just ask me?

497
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,293
I guess I was worried
you'd say no,

498
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,627
and I'd be embarrassed.

499
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,363
I was worried
you didn't want me to come

500
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,565
and then I'd be embarrassed.

501
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:01,734
Classic misunderstanding.

502
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:04,237
Look, I-I know we're supposed
to get attached, but...

503
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,372
Say it.

504
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,975
I want something more.

505
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,343
I want a relationship.

506
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,479
(gasps)
Say it back.

507
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,549
I wouldn't hate that.

508
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,751
Close enough.

509
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:21,821
So we're doing this?

510
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,657
Because if not,
I gotta get back to Sheryl.

511
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,760
She still has my shoes.

512
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,463
Uh, yeah, I think we have to.

513
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,665
I mean,
this is all Caroline has.

514
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,507
(gasps)
Oh, it's so beautiful.

515
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,346
Oh, come on, people.

516
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,247
You heard her.
This is all I have.

517
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,619
(cash register dings)

518
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:57,624
(rock music)

519
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:04,764
*