1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,637
So it has been
quite a journey,

2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:07,175
but through it all,
the key for me has been bravery

3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,709
and the deep-down knowledge

4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,379
that I am better
than everyone else.

5
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,083
Uh, I'm sorry, Jillian,
what was your question?

6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:18,386
I asked Max
where she was born.

7
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,255
The Peekaboo Lounge
on I-90.

8
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,790
My mom was on the pole

9
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,526
when I popped out
and said, "Peekaboo."

10
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,661
So your movie,
The Princess and the Ponzi,

11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,263
has Oscar buzz...

12
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,532
for sound editing,
but still.

13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,101
Who will you be wearing
to the premiere?

14
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,136
Well, Jillian,
the top is from

15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,671
the 7-Eleven lost and found,

16
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,640
and the jeans I won
in a knife fight,

17
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,276
so I didn't get specifics.

18
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:45,413
Stylist to the stars
Brad Goreski reached out.

19
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,348
He's a fashion policeman,

20
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,751
the only kind of policeman
Max hasn't been arrested by.

21
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,387
Anyway, our dessert bar
is catering the premiere.

22
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,456
We are really
coming into our own.

23
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,125
Girls...

24
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,226
Oh, speaking of
coming into your own,

25
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,294
this is Han.

26
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,330
Are you coming
to work today?

27
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,165
Or should I just
write down wrong orders

28
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,533
for customers myself?

29
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,867
Han, can't you see
we're in the middle

30
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,103
of a press interview
for my movie?

31
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,804
You can't just ignore me.

32
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:14,208
I'm not the advice
of your court-appointed lawyer.

33
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,444
Sounds like you guys are busy.

34
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,313
The movie, running this bar,
and working for that man too.

35
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:20,548
Man, right?

36
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,450
With us blowing up as we are,

37
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,452
Max and I are
phasing out the diner

38
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,755
and deodorant
that's hot to the touch.

39
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:32,326
It burns the stink away.
I'm not giving that up.

40
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,463
Well, that was...five hours.

41
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:39,233
(chuckles)
Uh, see you at the premiere.

42
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,402
Wait,
we're phasing out the diner?

43
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,871
I have really gotta stop
falling asleep immediately

44
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,339
whenever you speak.

45
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,340
Max, think about it.
Why--

46
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,476
(snores)

47
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,744
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

48
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,346
(cash register bell dings)

49
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:56,617
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

50
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,688
Han, we need to talk to you.

51
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:04,192
Yeah, we're not happy
about it either.

52
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,559
Best-case scenario,

53
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,328
we wouldn't have seen you
at all today.

54
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,230
Oh, good, a talk.

55
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,666
Let me save you the trouble
and just start crying.

56
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,636
Han, we are phasing
the diner out of our lives.

57
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,305
I have a stylist now.

58
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,207
This is our two weeks' notice,

59
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,309
and we need this week off
to get ready for the premiere.

60
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,377
I mentioned I have
a stylist, right?

61
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,413
So you leave me
high and dry?

62
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:29,217
I'm always high and dry
around you.

63
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,751
Han, we got
Bobby's sister, Denise,

64
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,820
to cover for us,
and she's already late.

65
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,655
It'll be like we never left.

66
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,590
(mouths word)

67
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,659
Whoo,
sorry I'm sweaty and late.

68
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,429
I tried to parkour my way here.

69
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:45,366
Then I met the business end
of a parking meter.

70
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,669
Basically, I broke my vagina.

71
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:52,540
Where can I get
a big Ziploc bag full of ice?

72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,309
Uh...here.

73
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,978
I was keeping my kidney in it.

74
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,647
(upbeat music)

75
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,852
Now, Bobby,
before stylist to the stars

76
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,687
Brad Goreski gets here,

77
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,756
we just need to do
a little work

78
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:09,990
to fix up your clothes,
your hair, your face.

79
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,859
Also, your walk's not great.

80
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,562
How's my run?

81
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,697
'Cause I feel like
doing it right now.

82
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,499
If you want to play stylist,
help Denise.

83
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,970
She tucks her sweater in--
to her socks.

84
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,573
Oh, Denise isn't invited
to the premiere.

85
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,309
I can't run the risk of
being embarrassed by someone.

86
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,977
I mean, Earl already asked
if he could bring

87
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,514
his sleeping bag
and his shopping cart.

88
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,984
(groans)
We get it, Earl, you're rich.

89
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,519
(knocking on door)

90
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:42,222
Uh, my dress is by
Beddy Spready.

91
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,225
It's a bedspread.

92
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,431
(gasps)
Oh, my God, Brad Goreski!

93
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,999
Well, I can't prove it,

94
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,436
because someone just stole
my wallet outside.

95
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,571
All right,
I gotta go get a suit

96
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,939
after I get my...

97
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:02,009
eyelashes highlighted?
Seriously?

98
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,010
Love you.

99
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,878
both: Mm.

100
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,014
Love you too.

101
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,616
Good call on the eyelashes.

102
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,321
MAX: (gasps)
Ooh!

103
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,888
First time there's been

104
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,790
a better rack than mine
in the apartment.

105
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,727
Okay, these are the choices.

106
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,829
They're on loan
from the top designers,

107
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,497
and if you hurt them,

108
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:25,966
those bitches
will hunt you down.

109
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,469
Well, if Federal Marshal
Tommy Lee Jones

110
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:31,739
couldn't find me, good luck.

111
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,375
That's a brand-new
Zac Posen.

112
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,043
He gave it to me as a favor,

113
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,647
because we share a time share
and a love of Cher.

114
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,682
Over share?

115
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,083
You got anything over there

116
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,718
I won't have to
shave my pits for?

117
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,020
Hmm, hold on.

118
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,656
Let me sniff around

119
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,058
for Shailene Woodley's
SAG Awards dress.

120
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,928
Oh, my God, I love it.

121
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,430
Oh, good eye.

122
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,900
That's a $10,000 dress.

123
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,369
And that's why
it looks so lost

124
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,671
and afraid in this apartment.

125
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,907
$10,000?

126
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,843
I can own and operate
an Old Navy for that.

127
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,946
Oh, my God.

128
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,882
Did someone call fashion 911?

129
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,785
The fashion police are here!

130
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,721
Well, this is embarrassing.

131
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,957
Yes, I'm celebrity stylist
Brad Goreski.

132
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:27,695
Oh, see, I thought
you were Melissa Rivers.

133
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:33,434
Yeah, 'cause you guys
have very similar jaws.

134
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:39,407
Hey, do you style babies?

135
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,575
'Cause I want Barbara
to be discovered

136
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,677
at the movie premiere.

137
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:46,480
The only baby I style
is Kanye West.

138
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:53,554
Wait, are you sure
you're not Melissa Rivers?

139
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,490
(rock music)

140
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,125
(gasps)

141
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:01,128
Max, this is my reintroduction
into high society,

142
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,564
and you had to bring ribs
for the limo?

143
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,065
(scoffs)

144
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,535
Somebody obviously
was never in a Pitbull video.

145
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,903
Doesn't look like we're
going anywhere in this traffic.

146
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,405
I'll take a road rib.

147
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,006
(gasps)

148
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,175
Max, if you get
that red wine near me,

149
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,177
I will start singing songs
from Funny Girl,

150
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,879
and I will not stop.

151
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,047
-(sighs)
-Can I some of that

152
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,415
"deal with Caroline" juice?

153
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,783
(gasps)

154
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,053
(sighs)

155
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,188
Max, that's your third sigh.

156
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,658
Is my makeup not perfect?

157
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,694
Do even my sighs
have to be about you?

158
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,963
Well, it is my night.

159
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,831
I was just thinking
how this whole movie thing

160
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,133
started in L.A. with Randy.

161
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,769
It's kind of sad
he's not here,

162
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,971
and also, your makeup
is a little clowny.

163
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,773
Oh, no.

164
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,841
Yeah, well,
Randy's the only person

165
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:51,178
I've ever loved
or let love me.

166
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,213
How clowny?

167
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,115
(knocking)

168
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,786
What are you guys
doing out there?

169
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,489
We hopped out of our cab,
because of the traffic.

170
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:03,924
Also, it was on fire.

171
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,726
Well, we'd invite
you guys in here,

172
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,662
but the windows
keep going up on their own.

173
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:15,503
*

174
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,704
(elevator bell dings)

175
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,541
CAROLINE: (gasps)

176
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,009
You don't think
that limo driver's

177
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,777
gonna eat the rest
of my coleslaw, do you?

178
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:27,481
Shh, no one says "coleslaw"
on a red carpet.

179
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,550
I think you hid it
pretty well in the cup holders.

180
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,753
Oh, my God.
Look at all this.

181
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,655
Oh, good, Caroline Channing.

182
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,690
Stay here.
It's not your time yet.

183
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,559
Oh, that's what
the angels said to me

184
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,561
when I drove that dump truck
into the East River.

185
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,695
(elevator bell dings)

186
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,966
(gasps) Oh, look,
it's the star of Happy Feet.

187
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,835
Antarctica's that way.

188
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,236
No, it's that way.

189
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,071
This is exciting.

190
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,574
I haven't seen
this much paparazzi

191
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,677
since I was dating
Harriet Tubman.

192
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,512
You guys must be
the Make-A-Wish couple.

193
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,948
Actually,
we're just friends.

194
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,017
If I had a wish,
he'd be a giant doobie.

195
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,619
Just keep it moving.

196
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,154
It's the "Kevin Dillon
and below" spot.

197
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,190
(camera shutters clicking)

198
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,062
HAN: They must all be
reloading their cameras.

199
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,797
Are you trying to say
I shouldn't be seeing

200
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,833
all these flashing lights
right now?

201
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,002
(elevator bell dings)

202
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,304
Hey, everybody!

203
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,808
Check out my red carpet dress.

204
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,710
(giggles)

205
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,079
So, when I said
"red carpet attire,"

206
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,315
I meant something--wow.

207
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,985
I vacuumed it myself
before we left.

208
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,253
It gave me hard wood.

209
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,891
Well,
the real star tonight is here.

210
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,626
(gasps)
Verne Troyer, where?

211
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,629
No, Barbara.

212
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:52,099
Come on, Barbara,
let's make you a star.

213
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:56,536
Look, it's kielbasa,
your favorite.

214
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:04,044
Hey, everybody!

215
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,546
It's baby Barbara.

216
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,353
Here are some headshots.

217
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,156
She's cute, she's versatile,
and like her mother,

218
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,959
she can put
all ten toes in her mouth.

219
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,330
(elevator bell dings)

220
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,599
There you are.

221
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,334
Oh, let's hold off a minute.

222
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:31,705
Old Hollywood rule:
never follow sausage.

223
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,074
-Okay, who's next?
-Oh, I'll go.

224
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:37,044
Following sausage
is kinda my thing.

225
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,080
(camera shutters clicking)

226
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:51,859
Doesn't matter what you do
if you're rocking the cleavage.

227
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,863
Thanks for lending him clothes.

228
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,631
I told him to get
something cool,

229
00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:00,067
so he bought
a short-sleeved suit.

230
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,771
Yeah, it's part of the
Steven Seagal summer collection.

231
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,306
Hey, are we ready?

232
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,041
Yeah.

233
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,644
You look so handsome.

234
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,112
Let me just fix that hair.

235
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,248
It's still doing
that thing that I hate.

236
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,085
Actually, it might just be
the shape of your head.

237
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,753
Walk a little in front of me.

238
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,221
I want to share
this moment with you,

239
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,791
but I want to do it alone.

240
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,062
-Okay.
-Okay.

241
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,831
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Bobby.

242
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,365
-No, Bobby--Bobby, wait!
-I'm going, I'm going.

243
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,434
I'm moving as fast as
my big misshapen head'll go.

244
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,236
-(screaming)
-Caroline, you're unraveling!

245
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,805
CAROLINE: Bobby, come back!

246
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,006
Oh, Bobby, no, I'm serious!

247
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,274
(camera shutters clicking)

248
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,044
Aah! I can't believe
this is happening!

249
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,147
And Bobby's hair
is still sticking up!

250
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,349
Oh, my God,
this is worse than

251
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,085
Eric Stonestreet's
nip slip.

252
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,791
-Max...
-(gasps)

253
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,928
Randy.

254
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,763
Max.

255
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:06,299
I'd...
love to stay and talk,

256
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:09,169
but I just remembered
I have to run away.

257
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,177
Brad, a little help?

258
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,779
You're on your own.

259
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,013
(elevator bell dings)

260
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,056
Stupid showing up at movies,

261
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:33,460
like, "Oh, surprise, Max,
I'm here."

262
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,095
(sighs)

263
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,801
(groans)
Sorry, we're closed.

264
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,169
You ran out of there
so fast,

265
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,438
you trampled that
strange exotic bird.

266
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,375
That was Tilda Swinton,
and I apologized.

267
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,411
How did you know I was here?

268
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,147
I followed you.

269
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,817
You could've just
poked me on Facebook.

270
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,087
Rather poke you in person.

271
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,457
So...you gonna give me a drink?

272
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,827
Are you gonna give me
a reason you're here?

273
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,528
Are you gonna give me
a reason you're so beautiful?

274
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,330
Are you gonna
give me a reason--

275
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,832
okay, fine,
I'll give you a drink.

276
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,169
(groans)

277
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,304
I just got over you.

278
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,039
What do you want from me?

279
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,143
I want to be with you.

280
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,179
(derisive laughter)

281
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,083
Oh, please!

282
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:33,020
You think you can just
come in here in your suit

283
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:36,824
and be like,
"Uh, I wanna be with you, Max."

284
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,225
You say you love me,

285
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,960
you say you can't live
without me,

286
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,962
and then you go
and live without me.

287
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,299
You, sir, are unreliable.

288
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,935
Max, I miss you.

289
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,003
Every time I see Cheeto dust

290
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,538
or a girl wearing flip-flops
in an expensive restaurant,

291
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,406
I tear up.

292
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,342
Oh, really?

293
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,377
I thought you said long-distance
relationships didn't work.

294
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,813
Not gonna be
long distance anymore.

295
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,181
What about your firm in L.A.?

296
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,884
We just opened offices
in New York.

297
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,185
Where are they?

298
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,522
Two blocks from
my new apartment I just got.

299
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,291
Well, where's your dog?

300
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,294
Doesn't he have season tickets
to the Lakers?

301
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,296
He and Jack Nicholson
got in a fight.

302
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,265
Well, what about
all that stuff you said

303
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,467
about us being in
different places in our lives?

304
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,904
I want to be in your place.

305
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,005
What about that thing you said

306
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:28,441
about the way I eat noodles?

307
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,210
I'm working on that.

308
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,948
Max, I've been crazy about you
since the moment I met you.

309
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,383
I don't want to live
without you.

310
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,853
-Oh, really?
-Really.

311
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,488
Prove it.

312
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,365
Max George Black...

313
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,970
I love you.

314
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,309
Will you marry me?

315
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,545
(laughs)
Wait, what?

316
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,349
Caroline can really
put you to sleep

317
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:12,385
on and off the screen, huh?

318
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:15,022
Here.

319
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,225
Oh, she doesn't
even like her desserts.

320
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,294
Well, at least you got a nap
out of it, right, Barbara?

321
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:25,966
You were the one who was
drooling pretty hard in there.

322
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,668
You know what?
After seeing that snoozer,

323
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,239
I don't want Barbara to have
any part of Hollywood.

324
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,640
Yeah.

325
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,277
You know, she can be
something important,

326
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,146
like a realtor.

327
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,182
(mouths words)

328
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,516
BOBBY: All right,

329
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,185
I stitched it up
with a rubber band

330
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,121
and a fisherman's knot
right there.

331
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:52,525
Yeah, Steven Seagal has
a dress just like that.

332
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,329
Bobby, how am I gonna pay
for this dress I ruined?

333
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,131
Do you have $10,000?

334
00:14:58,165 --> 00:14:59,566
I can give you $4

335
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,534
and make you another
fisherman's knot.

336
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,203
I just really
want you to know

337
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,272
that I am sorry for the way
I've been acting.

338
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,007
Look, I know.

339
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,675
You have been
really nervous about today,

340
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,378
and it brought out what
I hope is the worst in you.

341
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,947
I'll just say yes.

342
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,616
Anyway, none of that
superficial stuff matters.

343
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:20,253
What matters
is that I love you,

344
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,290
and I owe $10,000
for this dress.

345
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,026
Just a heads-up.
I see London, I see...

346
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,560
Your whole left
butt cheek is out.

347
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,362
(gasps)

348
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:33,066
I may have a solution
to your $10,000 problem.

349
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,567
I am not going in on

350
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,536
that Little Caesar's franchise
with you.

351
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:40,140
We'd be making more than pizza,
I'll tell you that.

352
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,175
Look, I'm flush with cash now

353
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,644
that they've stopped
making Dr. Who figurines.

354
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,447
How about
if I pay for the dress,

355
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,717
you and Max can pay me back
by working at the diner?

356
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,319
(gasps)

357
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,221
Han, yes.

358
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,057
Thank you for not making me
beg for my job back.

359
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,358
You would've begged?

360
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,462
Oh! Oh! Oh!

361
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,097
Oh!

362
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,370
Well, I should
walk off this boner.

363
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,476
Wait, I mean,
go get Earl out of here.

364
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,211
He's pitching his idea for

365
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,213
The Black Lincoln
to Scorsese,

366
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,616
and by Scorsese,
I mean a plant.

367
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:28,221
Yo, think about it, Marty.

368
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,359
Bobby, I felt bad
about not inviting Denise,

369
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,261
so I texted her
during the movie.

370
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,628
Hopefully,
she'll be smart enough

371
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,197
to change out
of her diner uniform,

372
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,532
and there she is,
and, no, she wasn't.

373
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,236
It's not usually this red.

374
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,106
I burned it on the grill.

375
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,775
So the worst part
of the night's not over.

376
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,411
Oh, my God.

377
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,646
It's retro, it's now,

378
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,317
it's a little tomato-saucy,
but it works.

379
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:01,188
I spilled spaghetti
and meatballs on myself.

380
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,722
You have a girlfriend?

381
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,557
No.

382
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,427
Don't worry,
we can find a third.

383
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,630
(phone chimes)

384
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,365
It's from Max.
It says,

385
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,534
"Meet me at the dessert bar.
It's an emergency."

386
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,504
She never says
something's an emergency.

387
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,073
She came to work
with a knife in her head.

388
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,075
*

389
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,580
Max, where did you go?

390
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:30,317
You missed everything.
And as hard as I tried,

391
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,485
they wouldn't give me
a second swag bag.

392
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:36,256
And I will not share
the Kate Hudson yoga pants.

393
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,426
You can have them,
'cause I have this!

394
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,960
CAROLINE: (gasps)

395
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:49,169
You stole an engagement ring?

396
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,604
Can I come out now?
It smells in there.

397
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,406
Oh, my God, Randy.

398
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,574
Are you upset
that Max is engaged?

399
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,443
Oh, wait!

400
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,446
(screaming)

401
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,250
Now I know why you wanted
to tell her without me.

402
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,851
-Back to the smelly room.
-No!

403
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:07,754
Aw.

404
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,624
Oh, my God!

405
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,693
This night that
was totally about me

406
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:17,130
is totally about you,
and I'm not even jealous!

407
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,169
Oh, my God.
Are you moving to L.A.?

408
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,704
Different kind of tears coming.

409
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,873
Nope, I'm moving here.

410
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,309
Should've done it
a long time ago.

411
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,877
I'm keeping my name,
by the way.

412
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,879
It'd be weird for people
to call me Randy.

413
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,381
(chuckles)

414
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,616
See?
How can I live without this?

415
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,885
See, Caroline?
You got your wish.

416
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,553
We're both with someone.

417
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,222
Looks like I got my wish.

418
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,325
-We're not gonna die together.
-(laughs)

419
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,627
You are more than welcome
to die with us.

420
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,362
So I hear you have
a boyfriend.

421
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:50,897
Yeah, he'll be right in.

422
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,533
He's getting Max's coleslaw
out of the limo.

423
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,568
The driver said
he didn't eat it,

424
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:57,404
but his face
is covered in mayonnaise.

425
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,807
Bobby, this is Randy...

426
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,743
-Max's fiancé.
-What?

427
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,313
Um, I'll break up with him
if you don't talk American.

428
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,580
CAROLINE: (scoffs)

429
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,385
-You look familiar.
-So do you.

430
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,188
both: Aww.

431
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,789
You're that lawyer that

432
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,660
screwed my mother and sister
out of that reality show.

433
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:25,232
-Yeah, it was called...
-Move Out, You're 40.

434
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,801
Yeah, we had to fire them
'cause they're insane.

435
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:29,936
I'm sorry, are you calling

436
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,471
my mother and sister insane?

437
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:35,342
Oh, not just me.
The state of New Jersey.

438
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,943
Oh, it's so cute.
They know each other.

439
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,711
(giggles)

440
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:41,281
Let's take this outside.
There's ladies here.

441
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,683
(scoffs)
Well, one.

442
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,418
That's a good idea.

443
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:46,719
First one you've ever had.

444
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:49,622
Okay, that's it.

445
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,823
His mother put a curse on me.

446
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,492
Yeah, and you haven't found

447
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,327
a good parking space since,
have you?

448
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,596
Bobby, don't ruin your suit.
We can't afford it.

449
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,466
Oh, my God, this is terrible.

450
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,734
-Can I see the ring again?
-(giggles)

451
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,505
Um, I licked it,
and it's not candy.

452
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,806
(chuckles)

453
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:09,809
(crashing, grunting, yelling)

454
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,547
(gasps)
Aww, they must've made up.

455
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,815
They're hugging.

456
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:19,919
(grunting, yelling)

457
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,455
This is not good.

458
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,257
And more not good,

459
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,293
we still have to work at
the diner to pay off my dress.

460
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,596
Did Bobby's mother
put a curse on us too?

461
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,599
(grunting, yelling)

462
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,603
Is it weird I think
that's a little hot?

463
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,472
Let me see the ring again.

464
00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:42,409
(upbeat rock music)

465
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,776
*

466
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,278
(cash register dings)