1
00:00:00,409 --> 00:00:02,577
So, Patrick, this brings
up a good question.
2
00:00:02,644 --> 00:00:05,579
How does a pile of your boyfriend's
clothes end up on fire?
3
00:00:05,647 --> 00:00:07,750
Oh, I know that one.
4
00:00:07,817 --> 00:00:10,850
You catch him staring
at your sister's ass.
5
00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:13,950
I'm pretty sure that wasn't
Patrick's problem, Lacey.
6
00:00:14,018 --> 00:00:17,083
It's very simple.
My mother, God rest her soul,
7
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,685
always said that the best
way to get gum out
8
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,391
of an angora sweater
is with kerosene.
9
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:24,090
Lots and lots of kerosene.
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,891
Sure, and napalm
gets out red wine.
11
00:00:26,958 --> 00:00:30,391
So, what I'm hearing is
you're upset with Scott
12
00:00:30,459 --> 00:00:31,691
so you lit his clothes on fire?
13
00:00:31,759 --> 00:00:33,826
Is that why they call
you people flamers?
14
00:00:35,429 --> 00:00:37,163
I don't mean nothing.
15
00:00:37,230 --> 00:00:39,667
I'm just trying to learn here.
16
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,604
Yes, yes, Ed.
17
00:00:41,672 --> 00:00:43,106
The burning of
the boyfriend's clothes
18
00:00:43,174 --> 00:00:45,041
has been a fabulous gay ritual
since ancient times.
19
00:00:45,109 --> 00:00:48,742
Way back to when
my great great great
20
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,746
great grandfather
boned your--
21
00:00:51,814 --> 00:00:53,081
I don't know, dad, I guess.
22
00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:57,118
That was a great quip.
23
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:59,556
I can't quip.
24
00:00:59,623 --> 00:01:02,859
Anyway, to make
a long story short,
25
00:01:02,927 --> 00:01:04,360
by boyfriend and I
had a heart to heart
26
00:01:04,428 --> 00:01:07,530
and he agreed to put his clothes
in the hamper from now on.
27
00:01:09,366 --> 00:01:11,868
I think Scott and I living
together is gonna work out fine.
28
00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:13,504
Just fine.
29
00:01:13,572 --> 00:01:15,339
I wish I could quip.
30
00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:18,176
I sort of just try to think
of something clever to say,
31
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:20,144
then I just sort of ramble.
Then by the time I--
32
00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:22,279
Thank you, Nolan.
33
00:01:22,347 --> 00:01:23,981
Unfortunately our time is up.
34
00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:26,316
Oh, but wait.
I have another issue.
35
00:01:26,384 --> 00:01:30,054
I think my mother's ghost
is haunting my apartment.
36
00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:31,856
Ugh, you're so lucky.
37
00:01:31,923 --> 00:01:34,691
My mother's still alive.
38
00:01:34,759 --> 00:01:36,861
Patrick, we'll talk about
your ghost next time.
39
00:01:36,928 --> 00:01:40,230
And, guys, guys, guys, I know
I've said it 1,000 times,
40
00:01:40,297 --> 00:01:41,798
but if you're going
to bring up the undead,
41
00:01:41,865 --> 00:01:43,599
try to do so at the beginning
of the session.
42
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:45,835
Yeah, and we can have s'mores
43
00:01:45,903 --> 00:01:48,138
like around the campfire
in the backyard.
44
00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:50,840
'Cause of the ghost story.
45
00:01:50,908 --> 00:01:52,909
Yes, nailed the quip.
46
00:01:55,812 --> 00:01:57,579
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hi.
47
00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:59,314
Lori will be here any minute.
48
00:01:59,382 --> 00:02:02,417
This is a great business idea.
You're gonna love it.
49
00:02:02,485 --> 00:02:04,787
Yeah, I read the brochure and I know
you're hoping I was going to invest,
50
00:02:04,854 --> 00:02:07,757
but I'm not sure anyone
needs a manicure on wheels.
51
00:02:07,825 --> 00:02:10,193
Although the name
Vanicures is terrible.
52
00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:14,430
Charlie, women have
nail emergencies.
53
00:02:14,498 --> 00:02:17,667
Oh, no, I ruined my nail.
What am I going to do?
54
00:02:17,734 --> 00:02:19,836
I'm on my way to
a big job interview.
55
00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:22,739
Cool. If you get it,
can we drop the alimony?
56
00:02:22,806 --> 00:02:24,707
Shut up, I'm in
the middle of a pitch.
57
00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:26,876
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna call Vanicures.
58
00:02:26,944 --> 00:02:29,078
They come right to you
and repair the nail
59
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:31,280
so nobody knows
you were this close
60
00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:32,648
to your life falling apart.
61
00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:35,384
So what do you think?
62
00:02:35,452 --> 00:02:38,687
I think if your life is falling
apart because of a broken nail,
63
00:02:38,755 --> 00:02:41,023
you need a mobile psych ward.
64
00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,958
So you don't like it?
65
00:02:43,026 --> 00:02:45,627
Jen.
66
00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,997
This is a terrible,
terrible idea.
67
00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:55,137
Hi.
68
00:02:55,205 --> 00:02:56,973
Hi.
69
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,941
- You must be Lori.
- Yes.
70
00:02:59,009 --> 00:03:01,310
- I'm Charlie. Come on in.
- Thanks.
71
00:03:01,378 --> 00:03:04,613
Jen was just telling me about
72
00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:07,316
your incredibly
hot business idea.
73
00:03:09,352 --> 00:03:10,719
Yeah, it's going really well.
74
00:03:10,787 --> 00:03:12,287
I brought the prospectus
for you to look over.
75
00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:15,057
Don't need to. I support this
woman in everything she does.
76
00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:19,295
Yeah, it's like a big
open-handed slap of support.
77
00:03:19,362 --> 00:03:21,964
You know, Lori, I've always
said that a measure of a man
78
00:03:22,032 --> 00:03:23,566
is in how much he's
willing to do for his ex.
79
00:03:23,633 --> 00:03:26,068
Oh, well, Jen's lucky.
80
00:03:26,136 --> 00:03:29,505
My ex can be
a little difficult.
81
00:03:30,674 --> 00:03:32,675
Nuts.
82
00:03:32,743 --> 00:03:35,077
A total maniac.
83
00:03:35,145 --> 00:03:36,946
- A real whack job.
- We get it.
84
00:03:39,116 --> 00:03:42,016
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
85
00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:44,521
I don't see what
the problem is.
86
00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:46,823
All I'm asking you to do
is give me Lori's number,
87
00:03:46,891 --> 00:03:48,558
then make a call saying
how great I am.
88
00:03:48,626 --> 00:03:50,927
- Absolutely not.
- Okay.
89
00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:53,464
Don't make a call
saying how great I am.
90
00:03:53,531 --> 00:03:55,599
- Just give me her number.
- Absolutely not.
91
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,068
Okay, okay.
Don't make a call
92
00:03:58,136 --> 00:03:59,770
saying how great I am,
don't give me her number,
93
00:03:59,838 --> 00:04:01,605
just leave your phone on
the table and go grab a snack.
94
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:05,809
I'm not setting you up
with a business associate.
95
00:04:05,877 --> 00:04:07,311
Besides, you wouldn't like her.
96
00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:09,379
You only date empty-headed
young girls.
97
00:04:09,447 --> 00:04:11,482
That is a gross generalization.
98
00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:14,452
The last girl you went out
with was a boat show model
99
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:17,054
who posted pictures
of your junk on Twitter.
100
00:04:17,122 --> 00:04:21,492
I'm so touched you recognize
me after all these years.
101
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,629
But, Charlie, that's the kind
of person you're attracted to.
102
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,932
I'm trying to change.
103
00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:29,134
I'm trying to find
someone more substantial.
104
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,436
Look, I want you to be happy.
Don't you want me to be happy?
105
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,672
I'm gonna be real
honest with you, Charlie.
106
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,108
I always want to be just
a little bit happier than you.
107
00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:41,046
Look, no matter
what happens with Lori.
108
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:42,914
I promise you, as long
as I have you in my life,
109
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,216
I'll always be a little
more miserable than you.
110
00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:48,553
Aw, Charlie.
That's so sweet.
111
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,855
I am sweet.
Help me share it.
112
00:04:50,922 --> 00:04:53,157
Fine, I'll give her a call.
113
00:04:53,225 --> 00:04:54,759
Thank you.
114
00:04:54,826 --> 00:04:57,494
I won't screw up
your business relationship.
115
00:04:57,562 --> 00:05:00,164
If it doesn't go well with Lori, I
promise I won't do doughnuts on her lawn
116
00:05:00,232 --> 00:05:02,600
and call her a slut like I did when
you and I broke up in high school.
117
00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:06,003
That was you?
I was going with, like, three guys.
118
00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:08,505
That's what "slut" was about.
119
00:05:10,308 --> 00:05:13,010
And then last quarter,
we doubled gross profits again.
120
00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:14,678
We keep exceeding expectations.
121
00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:16,914
And so do you.
122
00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:19,483
I've got to tell you, I think
I'm doing great here tonight.
123
00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:21,085
I don't think I've ever
been more charming.
124
00:05:21,152 --> 00:05:23,521
Wow.
125
00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:24,955
We've been here for four hours.
126
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:26,490
I thought it was going
to be 30 minutes
127
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:27,958
and then straight to
the fake phone emergency.
128
00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:30,160
I've used that.
129
00:05:30,228 --> 00:05:33,464
What? 10 years in the reserves
and they're calling me up now?
130
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,602
Jen was so wrong about you.
She told me you were shallow
131
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,304
and you'd spend the whole
night staring at my chest.
132
00:05:40,372 --> 00:05:44,041
Why would she say that?
Catch what I did there?
133
00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:47,043
Told a little joke and I got
to stare at your chest.
134
00:05:47,111 --> 00:05:49,245
I like how you just
put it all out there.
135
00:05:49,313 --> 00:05:51,147
I feel like you get
to a certain point
136
00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:53,082
and why waste time
on a bunch of BS, right?
137
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:55,585
Good point.
Want to go back to my place?
138
00:05:55,653 --> 00:05:57,187
I'd love to.
139
00:05:57,255 --> 00:05:59,122
But not on the first date.
140
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:01,892
We haven't even exchanged traumatic
high school dating stories yet.
141
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,294
- I got dumped at prom.
- My boyfriend had a chain wallet.
142
00:06:04,362 --> 00:06:06,863
You win.
Let's go back to my place.
143
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,532
I wish I could.
144
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,701
I have a meeting with
my investors in the morning.
145
00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:12,637
Yeah, I have an early group therapy
I have to prepare for anyway.
146
00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:15,006
Oh, that's right.
You're a therapist.
147
00:06:15,073 --> 00:06:16,507
That must be fun.
148
00:06:16,575 --> 00:06:19,777
It can be, but anything's
fun if you like what you do.
149
00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:23,615
Yeah, and what the hell? If people feel
better when they leave, that's great.
150
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:26,384
Well, that's what therapy does.
151
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:30,054
I totally get it.
My uncle was a magician.
152
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,162
I'm free tomorrow night.
Call me.
153
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,738
A friggin' magician?
154
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,580
Hey, Charlie.
Sam ready?
155
00:06:53,648 --> 00:06:55,148
I thought she was
with you this week?
156
00:06:55,216 --> 00:06:56,983
She hasn't been here all week?
157
00:06:57,051 --> 00:06:59,319
I'll be right down, Mom.
158
00:06:59,387 --> 00:07:01,155
I hate you.
159
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:04,124
Well, then here's your
opportunity to get me back.
160
00:07:04,192 --> 00:07:07,328
- Did Lori call?
- Oh, yeah.
161
00:07:07,395 --> 00:07:09,930
And?
162
00:07:09,998 --> 00:07:12,266
She said she had a great time
and that you're funny.
163
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,434
What did you put in her drink?
164
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,436
She have any attitude
about my job?
165
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,338
'Cause we had a great time,
but at the very end
166
00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:20,174
she made a little crack
about what I do for a living.
167
00:07:20,242 --> 00:07:22,510
Oh, yeah, that.
She doesn't believe in therapy.
168
00:07:22,577 --> 00:07:24,545
That's what I thought.
It's crazy, huh?
169
00:07:24,613 --> 00:07:27,382
Not really. Lots of people
don't believe in therapists.
170
00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,451
Lots of people think they're
just a bunch of big phonies
171
00:07:29,519 --> 00:07:31,620
who get paid to sit
and listen to whiny people
172
00:07:31,688 --> 00:07:35,125
who don't have the guts to get off their
asses and get their crap together.
173
00:07:35,192 --> 00:07:37,627
Wow, how long have you
been sitting on that?
174
00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,464
You look so beautiful, Lori.
175
00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:45,401
The food, the conversation,
it's all so perfect.
176
00:07:45,469 --> 00:07:47,903
I just don't want
this night to end.
177
00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:50,940
To us.
178
00:07:51,008 --> 00:07:53,175
You know, I thought having a Skype date
was going to be creepy and weird.
179
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:55,244
But you know what?
It really is.
180
00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:57,980
I know.
I can't wait for you to get back.
181
00:07:58,048 --> 00:08:00,649
I'm looking forward to having it
creepy and weird with you in person.
182
00:08:00,717 --> 00:08:02,384
Well, you are in luck.
183
00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,353
As soon as I get back
from Chicago,
184
00:08:04,421 --> 00:08:06,689
I think our next date might have to
include a toothbrush and pajamas.
185
00:08:06,757 --> 00:08:09,158
I know you don't
believe in therapy,
186
00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:11,727
but I think your healthy
sexuality is a result
187
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:14,530
of a close-knit family that
provided a safe environment.
188
00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:17,299
Whatever.
I just want to have sex with you.
189
00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:19,634
Or that.
190
00:08:21,538 --> 00:08:24,072
I got to go. Fly safe.
I'll see you Wednesday?
191
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,774
Can't wait.
Good night.
192
00:08:25,841 --> 00:08:26,941
Okay, good night.
193
00:08:33,215 --> 00:08:36,918
Are you late for some sort of
business meeting in a swimming pool?
194
00:08:36,986 --> 00:08:39,788
In fact, no.
I just had a cyber date with Lori.
195
00:08:39,855 --> 00:08:42,524
Right, right.
The entrepre-nutjob
196
00:08:42,592 --> 00:08:44,426
who doesn't believe in therapy.
197
00:08:44,494 --> 00:08:45,894
You still chasing that rainbow?
198
00:08:45,962 --> 00:08:47,463
As a matter of fact, I am.
199
00:08:47,531 --> 00:08:50,065
She's a very successful
businesswoman,
200
00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:52,201
who happens to believe
that my life's work
201
00:08:52,269 --> 00:08:54,803
is equal to sawing
a woman in half.
202
00:08:54,871 --> 00:08:56,939
Speaking of a lack of respect,
203
00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:59,808
I read a great paper on
humiliation this weekend
204
00:08:59,876 --> 00:09:01,377
and it gave me some
great ideas.
205
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:03,045
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I can't.
206
00:09:03,113 --> 00:09:05,381
I can't. I've got
to invoke the rules.
207
00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:08,551
If one party is in proximity
of a serious relationship,
208
00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:11,153
the other party must agree
to suspend sexual relations.
209
00:09:11,221 --> 00:09:13,522
Man, that has got to be the weirdest
document ever signed in front of a notary.
210
00:09:15,358 --> 00:09:17,692
Fine.
Play this thing out.
211
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,327
We'll have sex on Thursday.
212
00:09:19,395 --> 00:09:21,863
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just because she doesn't believe in therapy
213
00:09:21,931 --> 00:09:23,331
doesn't mean this
relationship can't work.
214
00:09:23,399 --> 00:09:26,902
Fine. We'll have sex
on Friday... morning.
215
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:30,105
No, no, I'm going to prove
to her that therapy is valid.
216
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:32,140
And then we can begin a healthy,
emotional relationship.
217
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:35,644
Yes, and then we'll
all hold hands
218
00:09:35,711 --> 00:09:38,880
and wish away hunger and war
and meanness between people.
219
00:09:38,948 --> 00:09:40,782
And then I'll see you
for sex on Friday.
220
00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:43,285
You know, we could
all hold hands
221
00:09:43,352 --> 00:09:45,420
and wish away war
and hunger anyway,
222
00:09:45,488 --> 00:09:47,289
you dark, cynical bitch.
223
00:09:50,836 --> 00:09:53,505
Are you sure it's okay that I'm
sitting in on one of your sessions?
224
00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:55,073
Well, it's not really
a session today.
225
00:09:55,141 --> 00:09:57,142
I invited a former patient
to come talk to the group
226
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,011
about how successful
therapy's been for him.
227
00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:01,413
Oh, I think it's very sweet
that you care enough
228
00:10:01,481 --> 00:10:05,050
to try to convince me that you're
not stealing from these people.
229
00:10:05,118 --> 00:10:08,087
Well, I do.
Care, not steal.
230
00:10:08,154 --> 00:10:11,290
And I think it's very sweet that you're
pretending to be a person with an open mind.
231
00:10:11,357 --> 00:10:13,091
Well, I am.
Pretending.
232
00:10:14,661 --> 00:10:17,463
So basically I lost
20 years of my life
233
00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:20,165
to anger and self sabotage.
234
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:24,570
I lost my wife,
my job, and our home.
235
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:27,573
But thanks to therapy
236
00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:31,177
and the tools that
this guy taught me...
237
00:10:31,245 --> 00:10:33,479
I mean, I was able
to rebuild my life.
238
00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:34,914
I mean, it's a miracle.
239
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,749
Well, thank you, Rodney.
240
00:10:36,817 --> 00:10:39,519
But let's not put me on
the same level as God here.
241
00:10:39,587 --> 00:10:42,689
Just a regular guy
who does godlike things.
242
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,894
- Charlie, is it okay if I ask something?
- Shoot.
243
00:10:46,962 --> 00:10:48,963
I am really impressed, Rodney.
244
00:10:49,031 --> 00:10:51,933
So you don't get angry
at all anymore?
245
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:54,569
No, everybody gets angry.
246
00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:57,105
I mean, you know,
life is full of challenges.
247
00:10:57,173 --> 00:10:59,875
But with what I learned
here in this group,
248
00:10:59,942 --> 00:11:02,411
I'm able to manage my anger.
249
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:05,847
Did you learn anything about
speeding up the process?
250
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,151
Because it's costing me a small
fortune to eat Bagel Bites
251
00:11:09,218 --> 00:11:11,486
and listening to that
dot-head and this queer-doke
252
00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:13,388
call me a racist
and a homophobe.
253
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,393
He never calls me anything.
254
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,161
Just so you know,
I'm half Jewish.
255
00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:21,230
- What's the other half?
- French.
256
00:11:21,298 --> 00:11:23,500
I'll work on something.
257
00:11:24,702 --> 00:11:26,870
I have a question, too, Rodney.
258
00:11:26,938 --> 00:11:29,006
At your lowest point,
259
00:11:29,074 --> 00:11:31,708
did you ever feel like you
were being haunted by a ghost?
260
00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:33,043
- Because I've--
- Well said, Patrick.
261
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,812
Don't we all have ghosts?
262
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,415
So, Rodney, why don't you tell us
about the new woman in your life?
263
00:11:38,482 --> 00:11:40,217
I'd rather not.
264
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:43,053
Uh-oh, sounds like
trouble in paradise.
265
00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:45,355
Hey, Frogstein?
266
00:11:47,091 --> 00:11:49,326
It's either that
or Surrenderburg.
267
00:11:49,393 --> 00:11:51,328
I'm still working on it.
268
00:11:53,031 --> 00:11:56,100
Is the new girl
leaving you, too?
269
00:11:56,168 --> 00:11:58,269
You know, I drove a long way
270
00:11:58,337 --> 00:12:00,038
to come out here
and help you guys.
271
00:12:00,105 --> 00:12:03,508
I would think that you
might back off a little.
272
00:12:03,576 --> 00:12:06,746
Okay, I want to thank Rodney for his time.
And I wish him--
273
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,982
She cheated on me, all right?!
274
00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:11,151
They all do.
275
00:12:11,218 --> 00:12:12,752
That's how they train
them in hell.
276
00:12:15,355 --> 00:12:17,724
- I'm sure Rodney has somewhere to be right now.
- No, no, no.
277
00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:20,460
I can't check back into the
shelter for another two hours.
278
00:12:20,527 --> 00:12:22,662
- I'm all yours.
- What happened to your job?
279
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:24,931
Nobody buys the paper anymore.
280
00:12:24,999 --> 00:12:28,367
Were you, like, a paperboy
on a bicycle?
281
00:12:28,435 --> 00:12:30,303
'Cause that's really funny.
282
00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:32,738
I wrote the Jumble.
283
00:12:34,174 --> 00:12:36,075
Why don't you tweet about that
284
00:12:36,143 --> 00:12:39,612
to all the other
cheating little whores?!
285
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,982
It's okay. It's okay, Rodney.
Breathe. Breathe.
286
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,251
Help me out, buddy.
I'm trying to impress a girl here.
287
00:12:47,555 --> 00:12:49,589
You never think it's gonna
be your brother.
288
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:52,325
You know?
Then one day you walk in
289
00:12:52,393 --> 00:12:55,428
on them doing it on the table
290
00:12:55,496 --> 00:12:58,064
where you used to
write your Jumble.
291
00:12:58,132 --> 00:13:00,233
Punch the Bobo, Rodney.
Take out your anger on the Bobo.
292
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:03,237
No, I'm calming down.
I can feel it.
293
00:13:03,305 --> 00:13:05,172
You son of a bitch!
294
00:13:07,008 --> 00:13:09,476
I gave you a kidney
295
00:13:09,544 --> 00:13:12,146
and you stole my wife!
296
00:13:12,213 --> 00:13:15,416
You stupid rekufc.
297
00:13:15,483 --> 00:13:18,586
It's a Jumble.
Figure it out.
298
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:23,358
- I'm gonna take off.
- Okay.
299
00:13:23,426 --> 00:13:25,193
Looks like you got
your hands full here.
300
00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:27,329
Call me later.
This is fun.
301
00:13:31,601 --> 00:13:34,736
Uh, Bobo's dead.
302
00:13:38,974 --> 00:13:41,642
I really thought me and Lori
might have had something.
303
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,145
I'm sorry, Charlie.
304
00:13:44,212 --> 00:13:47,347
Oh, look, it's Friday.
305
00:13:47,415 --> 00:13:50,183
You said morning.
You were wrong. I win.
306
00:13:52,052 --> 00:13:54,454
I'm never gonna
get it up tonight.
307
00:13:54,522 --> 00:13:57,323
I told you this would happen.
308
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,492
My mom used to tell me a story
309
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,194
about a fish and a duck
who tried to fall in love
310
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:04,864
but it wouldn't work
311
00:14:04,932 --> 00:14:06,766
because they were so different.
312
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:08,668
And their sexual organs
wouldn't line up.
313
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,272
There's more to it.
314
00:14:12,339 --> 00:14:15,442
I think a goose got involved.
315
00:14:15,509 --> 00:14:18,612
But the point is clear.
316
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:20,847
It's not even
about Lori anymore.
317
00:14:20,915 --> 00:14:22,516
Maybe I am a magician.
318
00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:24,517
Maybe therapy
is just smoke and mirrors
319
00:14:24,585 --> 00:14:26,052
that won't hold up
in the long run.
320
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,254
- Come here.
- I'm not in the mood.
321
00:14:28,322 --> 00:14:30,056
I'm not going to touch you.
322
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:32,592
You've said that before.
Every time I get in that bed you touch me.
323
00:14:34,428 --> 00:14:36,396
I promise I'm not
going to touch you.
324
00:14:36,464 --> 00:14:38,365
I just want to make
you feel better.
325
00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:40,467
Okay.
326
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:43,437
But if you make me feel better, then
I'm going to want you to touch me.
327
00:14:45,306 --> 00:14:47,774
Charlie, you picked
a profession
328
00:14:47,842 --> 00:14:50,277
with lots of ups and downs.
329
00:14:50,345 --> 00:14:51,645
And?
330
00:14:51,713 --> 00:14:54,147
That's all I got.
I'm gonna touch you now.
331
00:14:59,387 --> 00:15:00,820
Hello?
332
00:15:00,888 --> 00:15:02,922
Patrick?
333
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,458
Is it important?
'Cause I'm kind of busy.
334
00:15:05,526 --> 00:15:07,393
None of your business.
335
00:15:09,296 --> 00:15:10,630
All right.
I'll be right there.
336
00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:13,166
Where are you going?
337
00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,568
Patrick's having a crisis
with his mother.
338
00:15:15,636 --> 00:15:17,503
He says he's seen
her angry ghost.
339
00:15:17,571 --> 00:15:20,239
Well, I have a patient whose
rabbit gives him stock tips,
340
00:15:20,307 --> 00:15:22,274
but you don't see me going out
in the middle of the night.
341
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:24,810
That's just what I do.
342
00:15:24,878 --> 00:15:26,745
- You upset?
- No.
343
00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:29,348
You just wrecked my plans
to get you super horny
344
00:15:29,416 --> 00:15:31,150
and kick you out.
345
00:15:31,217 --> 00:15:33,853
It's what us dark,
cynical bitches do.
346
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,775
Thank God you came.
I didn't know who else to call.
347
00:15:42,843 --> 00:15:45,345
My mother's ghost
is really mad.
348
00:15:45,413 --> 00:15:47,280
She keeps rattling
that lamp over there
349
00:15:47,348 --> 00:15:48,949
and I don't know
what she's angry about.
350
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:50,884
How do we know it's your mother?
Does she actually speak
351
00:15:50,952 --> 00:15:54,220
or is we more of a traditional
"Wooo" kind of ghost?
352
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,723
She's more like a,
"You're a disappointment.
353
00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:58,825
I expected more" kind of ghost.
354
00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:02,429
Is there anything that happened that
she would be disappointed about?
355
00:16:02,497 --> 00:16:04,798
That woman would be
disappointed in a rainbow.
356
00:16:04,866 --> 00:16:06,933
"Stripes are very
unflattering."
357
00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:10,470
I mean recently.
358
00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:12,105
Well, she died.
359
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:14,607
Well, people have
issues with that.
360
00:16:14,675 --> 00:16:16,842
I don't know what it is.
She won't tell me.
361
00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,243
Maybe she'll tell me.
362
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,047
Hello, Patrick's mom.
363
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,581
Don't say mom!
364
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,116
She hated being called mom.
365
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,585
She said it was very
inelegant to have children.
366
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,755
You ever think about bringing that up in therapy?
It's kind of a big point.
367
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,891
Just call her Mona.
368
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:35,794
And whatever you do,
don't tell her you love her.
369
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,462
I wasn't planning on it.
370
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,900
- Hello, Mona.
- Put on a British accent.
371
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,436
All her lovers were British.
372
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,372
I don't want to be her lover.
373
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,275
If you want her to answer,
you just do it!
374
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,243
Fine.
375
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:57,017
Hello, Mona.
376
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,152
What, do you work at the docks?
Upscale British.
377
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:01,321
I'm not doing this.
378
00:17:01,389 --> 00:17:03,324
Let's think about
what's making her angry.
379
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,126
What were you doing right
before she appeared?
380
00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:07,428
I had a fight with Scott.
381
00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:09,563
Oh, my God.
Do you think this is about Scott?
382
00:17:09,631 --> 00:17:11,665
Why would Mona be angry
about Scott?
383
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:15,269
Well, maybe because she
thinks he moved in too soon?
384
00:17:15,336 --> 00:17:17,170
Ask her if she wants me
to tell him to move out.
385
00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:19,372
Why are we asking Mona?
386
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,141
Is that what you want?
387
00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:22,676
I don't know.
388
00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:25,579
She always handled
these things in my life.
389
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,482
Your mother handled
your relationships?
390
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,550
Doesn't everybody's?
391
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,418
No.
392
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,654
Although, my mom tried to set me
up with my second cousin once.
393
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,890
I had to draw a chart to show her why it was wrong.
But this isn't about me.
394
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:42,393
It sounds like you had a codependent
relationship with your mother.
395
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,262
I don't know about codependent.
396
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,264
She did make
my decisions for me
397
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:49,233
and I was her only friend.
398
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,069
Patrick, you're obviously
upset about Scott moving in
399
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,338
and you're manifesting that
through your mother's ghost.
400
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,207
I think you know
what you have to do.
401
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:59,310
Adopt a baby
to save the relationship.
402
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,779
No, you might want to think
about living alone for a while
403
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:03,381
and making your own decisions.
404
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,750
That's part of the reason
you're passive-aggressive.
405
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,719
You've never made
your own choices.
406
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,589
So you've always said what you really
felt out of the side of your mouth.
407
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,024
So there's no Mona?
408
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,726
No.
409
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,396
Then how do you explain that?
410
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,933
It's right next to the vent
411
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,368
and the air just kicked on.
412
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:25,604
Oh, I moved it there yesterday.
413
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:29,976
So I guess that's not my grandmother
in the dishwasher either.
414
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,011
No.
415
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,246
I'll see you on Thursday.
416
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,848
You're a good therapist.
417
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,151
Thank you.
418
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,623
Would you call what I do
almost like magic?
419
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,526
- Not really.
- Good.
420
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,895
Bye, Mona.
421
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,998
Okay, now you're just
making fun of me.
422
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,000
You got me there, matey.
423
00:18:54,068 --> 00:18:56,602
Okay, now you're just a pirate.
424
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:01,174
Then I realized the whole
Rodney thing was a disaster.
425
00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:04,278
But the next day I had a great breakthrough
with another one of my patients
426
00:19:04,346 --> 00:19:06,546
- and I realized I can't prove to you--
- Charlie.
427
00:19:06,614 --> 00:19:09,516
It doesn't matter.
I think it's really cute you tried,
428
00:19:09,584 --> 00:19:11,118
but you don't have
to prove anything to me.
429
00:19:11,185 --> 00:19:12,786
I can get past it if you can.
430
00:19:12,854 --> 00:19:14,888
That's what I came
here to tell you.
431
00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:17,858
I don't care if I'm a fish
and you're a duck.
432
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:19,492
I think if we work hard enough
433
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,794
we can get our
genitals to line up.
434
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,731
Okay, that was weird.
435
00:19:25,799 --> 00:19:27,567
But I get it and I agree.
436
00:19:27,635 --> 00:19:30,170
It's like the great Paula Abdul
once said, opposites attract.
437
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,439
The great Paula Abdul?
438
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,074
Wait, you don't like her?
439
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:36,176
Oh, sure I do.
440
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:39,713
But I reserve the word great for people
like Nelson Mandela and Mother Teresa.
441
00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:42,682
And Paula Abdul.
442
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,051
So totally
open-minded here--
443
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,820
the breakthrough you had with
your patient, what was it?
444
00:19:47,888 --> 00:19:49,588
You're gonna think it's silly.
445
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,924
I saw a guy beat up
a plastic man with a log.
446
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,425
Just tell me.
447
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,861
Okay. He thought
he had a ghost.
448
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:58,697
Really?
So did he?
449
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,932
Of course not.
450
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,267
Oh.
Because my aunt has one
451
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,270
in her house and I've always
wanted to meet him.
452
00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:08,440
- So you believe in ghosts?
- Yeah.
453
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,143
- But not in therapy?
- No.
454
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,379
Okay, okay, okay.
You know what?
455
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,314
I don't believe in ghosts,
you don't believe in therapy,
456
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,884
- but we can get past that, too.
- We sure can.
457
00:20:17,952 --> 00:20:19,686
I'm Aquarius.
I'm easy going.
458
00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:21,888
So you believe in astrology?
459
00:20:21,956 --> 00:20:23,791
I don't make a move without it.
460
00:20:23,859 --> 00:20:26,427
- But you don't believe in therapy?
- No.
461
00:20:27,795 --> 00:20:29,162
Okay, you know what?
I don't care.
462
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:31,031
I like you, you like me.
Let's go back to my place.
463
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:34,701
I knew you'd ask.
I'm a little psychic.
464
00:20:34,769 --> 00:20:36,303
Awesome.
465
00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:37,905
So then you know
what we're gonna do.
466
00:20:37,973 --> 00:20:40,007
Yeah, I do.
467
00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:43,177
And by the way, I don't
believe in birth control.
468
00:20:49,351 --> 00:20:51,986
Well, I made it to Saturday.
469
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,500
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com