I got it, why don't we rent a bouncy house
for Christine's birthday party? She'll love that.
Kids love to bounce up and down.
A recent study showed that over the past 10 years,
approximately 65,000 children were treated for injuries
received on bouncy houses.
Listen, you've already put the kibosh on the kickball party,
the glow-stick party and the reptile guy.
Who doesn't like reptiles? I don't see why she needs a party.
Kids just get cake all over themselves and fight over toy[.
They're little kids; what could be better?
I mean, don't you remember your birthday party
when you were a little girl?
I never had one. What?!
Wait a second, you-you never had a birthday party?
That is correct and I didn't miss anything.
Okay. Christine is dressed.
I'll drop her off at preschool on my way to the market.
Thanks, Dad.
Uh, no party, huh?
What?
Booth thinks I was deprived,
because you never gave me
any birthday parties as a child.
Well, you didn't have birthday parties,
because that would draw attention to us
and with the police looking for us, that's not a good thing.
Right. Unbelievable.
I forgot-- fugitive.
Listen, if I had it to do over again,
you would have birthday parties,
but I ca-- I-I can't turn the clock back.
He's right, Booth; the arrow of time--
Brennan.
Oh, okay.
It's coming into the lab?
Dot touch it until I get there.
Dad's taking my car.
I need a ride to the lab.
Remains are coming in. Sure. I got you.
No party, huh?
W-W-What do you want me to do?
Make a balloon animal for her now?
A book?!
Yeah. 364 pages.
I never thought I could do it.
And it's a mystery? Yeah.
Like Dr. B writes? Yeah. Same genre.
You know, write what you know.
Wow.
Oh...
The victim is in there? Mm-hmm.
Okay, that, is awesome.
Wow, it's like the root system
is pulling apart the bones.
And there's very little tissue remaining,
but there should be enough for a tox screen.
I thought Dr. Brennan said not to touch it.
But... since you're the boss,
it doesn't really matter what she wants.
Kudzu. Hey, man,
this stuff grows about a foot a day,
so I should be able to tell how long
the victim's been in here. There's staining
- and pitting on the bones. - Yeah.
Kudzu excretes
isoflavone aglycones
to break down the surface of the bone
so the roots can attach. Hmm.
What was that?
It's still growing.
It's feeding off the remaining tissue.
I've seen this movie.
It doesn't end well for humanity.
Look, you shouldn't be upset with Max is Dr. Brennan isn't...
Oh, God. It's encased.
It's like the Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Yeah. The squints are going to have a field day with that.
But when you're a little girl,
you should be treated like a princess,
not some criminal on the run.
Max was a criminal on the run,
so Dr. Brennan's probably just sublimated those feelings
as a way to cope.
And now she's just trying to justify it all by saying
that a kid's birthday party isn't important.
But it is.
I would imagine so.
I've never been thrown a party either, so...
You too?
No.
Wow. Yeah.
My dad was a drunk,
and he threw me a birthday party every year.
The only time I ever saw him really sober.
It's probably why birthdays are so meaningful to you.
Tell you what, why don't you just, you know,
shrink the photos.
Just focus on what you do best
and I'll get the techs to go out to the crime scene
and see if they can find any, uh, tire tracks and footprints.
When we get time of death,
we might be able to match them up.
Okay.
Okay, this plant is covering too much of the skull
for me to do a reconstruction.
Are you going to be able to remove the vegetation
without compromising the remains, Dr. Hodgins?
Sort of my thing.
The size of the second cervical vertebra
indicates the victim was male.
Animal predation appears to account for
most of the tissue loss.
Yeah, the kudzu fed on the rest.
Guys, I, I don't even see the skull.
He's peeking through here,
like an apparition
appearing through a leafy fog.
I beg your pardon, Dr. Edison?
Clark just finished writing a book.
It's a mystery, so you better watch out, Dr. B.
Why? I doubt it will impact my sales.
Good for you, Clark.
I wouldn't have thought of you as a writer.
Well, after Nora and I broke up, I had a lot of free time.
I found, in the evenings,
the words just poured out, so...
Your time is not free now, Dr. Edison.
Why are you even here, rather than an intern?
Forensic conference in Buffalo.
The interns got extra credit if they went.
Yeah, well, everyone should get extra credit
for going to Buffalo.
Okay, then.
Which I will interpret as, "Welcome aboard."
Thank you.
The angular eye orbit
indicates the victim
is Caucasian.
The root system seems to have
snaked its way through every opening.
We need to remove the skull
before it's damaged. No problem.
Severing the roots around the orifices
loosens the kudzu's hold.
See that?
Delicate work.
Yeah. Very.
Hey, so are you going to do Christine's birthday party
at the house, Dr. B?
Please concentrate, Dr. Hodgins.
Ye of little faith.
The skull is free.
Oh!
That is why I put no stock in faith!
? Bones 9x18 ? The Carrot in the Kudzu Original Air Date on March 24, 2014
? Main Title Theme ? The Crystal Method
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
?
The root system has crushed the bones, Dr. Hodgins.
Yeah, and it is still growing.
Well, it might stop,
if we can get out the remaining tissue and organs
that it's feeding on.
I'm cutting as fast as I can,
but the backseat driving isn't helping.
Dr. Edison is going to have a very difficult time
reassembling the remains.
I've already asked for help from my department.
Here you go.
Ah, a portion of the liver.
The kudzu seemed to love it.
The roots have grown through the endosteum.
I don't even know what this is.
His prostate.
And it's still relatively intact.
It is always the last organ to go.
Does that mean that you can determine time of death?
Well, if the body's been outside since death,
decomp would indicate at least six days.
Well, given the rate of growth of the kudzu, I'd say nine.
Eight? Yeah. Deal.
I'm gonna run this tissue for DNA and run a tox screen.
According to these pictures,
looks like he pulled right up the embankment, huh?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and look, there are no footprints
between where the car pulled up and where the body was found.
So, what-what, he got out of his car, right?
His feet didn't leave the asphalt,
probably because he was afraid he was gonna be seen
and he dumps the body as quickly as possible.
We're dealing with an amateur here.
He would have picked a more secluded spot.
Chances are, the killer was horrified by what he did.
Yeah. Mm.
So you gonna...
you gonna let Dr. Brennan help plan the party?
I will.
It would make her feel like a princess if she did.
Right.
That didn't go over well.
Here are a few more clean bones for you.
Oh, thank you.
These clean bones are really making
reconstruction a lot easier.
So far, I know that the victim suffered
sharp force trauma to the parietal;
the cross-shaped fractures indicative of someone
that was struck from the left
with a hard-shaped object.
So, a fight with a lefty before he was killed?
Yeah. Looks that way.
You know, this might end up being a very exciting case.
Perhaps it was about love,
or money,
or love and money, or--
Easy does it there, Mr. Dickens.
Sure. You know, I would love
for you to read what I just finished.
I mean, I've already submitted to a publisher,
but of course, I can make changes.
Yeah. Sure.
DNA said the victim is Joe Starkel.
So the victim's brother works for Merryvale Productions--
they make TV shows.
Apparently, the victim used to work there too.
What about a storyteller for the children?
I have the number of an excellent one to call.
That sounds promising.
I know! Yeah.
He tells environmental tales
about species who are dying
on the Great Barrier Reef.
What? No. No. No. No. No.
That sounds awful. It's educational and poignant.
What's awful about that? The words
"educational" and "poignant."
Just leave it to me, Bones.
I'm going for fun and more fun.
A lot of fun. Trust me.
Mr. Starkel and the other performers
are about to start shooting a scene.
He's the actor in green.
- Thanks. - Action!
? Let's go! Let me sing you the story ?
? Of a broccoli stalk... ?
Yes! ? That's right! ?
? A vegetable mellow and long ?
? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?
? Locked inside the galley of a pirate ship ?
? Between a carrot and a pirate ?
? And a ear of corn ?
? Now the mates on the ship ?
? Were big, hungry men ?
? Who ate cookies and fries by the pound ?
? They ate their own hats ?
? And a cook named Ron! ?
Okay, now this is fun.
Kids love this kind of stuff.
Don't you realize who they are?
These are the Veggie-Ta-Bills.
Christine loves these guys. Loves the show.
She does?
What, do you really think that she's eating broccoli
'cause you told her there's a pint of fiber in it?
3.8 grams, as well as
20 percent of her vitamin A requirements.
Not to mention, an abundance of--
These are the Veg-Ta-Bills.
They're vegetables that are all named "Bill."
Corn is a fruit, not a vegetable.
That's not true, that's not true.
Sometimes considered a grain, but technically...
Okay, but that's not true. Shh!
? So the mates on the ship got sick, didn't feel good ?
? Had dry lips, cracked kind of like wood ?
? There they were, hunched over and frail ?
? Looking kind of sick, all green and pale ?
? They just wouldn't eat their greens, you see ?
? Wouldn't eat the veggies like you and me ?
? First they got weak, then they cried ?
? Finally, they all got scurvy and died... ?
Cut! We have to work on a new dance for that last part.
We can do better.
That was great. It was great, great.
Carrots, corn and broccoli-- my man.
Who are you?
We're with the FBI. Show him your badge.
Bones, wait till we...
We're here to inform you
that your brother has been murdered.
And that corn is not a vegetable.
Oh, my God.
I'm just talking...
I can't believe Joe is dead.
Do you know how it happened?
We don't know all the details yet.
He was discovered being devoured by a patch of kudzu
along the side of State Route 32.
Really?
What? You don't follow the...?
Oh, God! This is awful.
Can you think of anyone who'd want to hurt your brother?
No. He was a wonderful guy.
He was the best man at our wedding.
Wait a second-- if your brother
was Carrot Bill, who-who's that?
That's Tommy. When Joe left, we had to find a replacement.
If Joe created the show, why did he leave?
He was working on developing a new show--
Mirthquake Village.
So you weren't upset that your brother left?
Sure-Sure, I was, at first. They're brothers.
Brothers fight, right?
When was the last time either one of you saw him?
It's been a couple months.
He's pretty busy with his new show.
Look, we may have some more questions for you.
If you're thinking about leaving town,
I suggest you call that number first-- that's me.
Okay.
You have something for me, Dr. Edison?
Yes.
I would like you to read my book.
Dr. Hodgins is, and I would, uh, like
to give you the chance as well.
You know what? I am very busy.
Wouldn't Dr. Brennan be a better judge of your work?
I mean, she's a writer, too.
Mm, I'd rather get feedback from readers.
After all, that's who I wrote it for.
We should probably finish the case first,
and then I'll try to get to it.
Great. Now speaking of which,
I found remodeled fractures on the radius and ulna of both arms
as well as the right fifth and eighth ribs.
Remodeling suggests that it was sustained about eight weeks ago.
A fight? Yes.
His brother said everybody loved Joe.
I guess that wasn't the case.
Anything on cause of death yet? No, not yet.
Okay.
Dr. Saroyan...
you... forgot my book.
I look forward to your thoughts.
Of course.
Okay, check this out. I found the perfect thing
for Christine's birthday party.
Ronnie the One-Man Band?
Yes! The one-man band!
Show me one person that doesn't like a one-man band.
I'm sure many don't like them,
which is why they're such a rarity.
Help me out here, Sweets. You like the one-man band?
I think this is really between the two of you.
Come on. You know how hard Christine laughs
when she watches Mary Poppins
and Dick Van Dyke,
you know, doing the one-man band.
That is true. True.
Oh, you got a text here from Cam.
"Joe Starkel was in a serious fight about eight weeks ago."
That's when he was doing his new show.
Maybe someone on that show knows who fought with him.
Hold on a minute. You're saying
Joe Starkel is dead?
Well, he got into a fight a few months ago,
when he was working here. Do you know anything about that?
No. Uh, he was pretty irritable, though,
because Mirthquake Village didn't turn out to be very good.
Look, I told Joe, real nice,
I was pulling the plug.
It's tough for a one-hit wonder to accept the truth,
you know what I mean? Jake, we need to talk.
I'm a little busy. These nice people are with the FBI.
It'll just be a minute.
My character would never wear a crocodile belt.
Why the hell not?
You're a crocodile cowboy.
It's sick, a croc wearing croc.
Would you wear a human belt?
I agree with the crocodile. Okay, Bones, that's enough.
Listen, you wouldn't happen to know a Joe Starkel?
Oh. Oh, is that what this is about?
Yeah. Is he finally filing charges, Jake?
Wear whatever the hell you want.
Just let me finish up here. I'm sorry.
Charges? What charges? I don't know
what he's babbling about.
Well, it's no great secret, Jake.
Jake here and Joe, they got into it
when Jake pulled the plug on Mirthquake.
Really?
- A little tiff. - His injuries were extensive.
You fractured his ribs, mandible, zygomatic.
Funny how that slipped your mind.
Joe started it. He freaked when
I told him I didn't want to do his show.
He came at me swinging. I defended myself.
I was standing my ground.
So, how's it coming?
Actually, the detergent I used to loosen the vines
from the bones cleaned off a ton of very interesting stuff.
And what did you find?
Well, so far, I found some motor oil that was on the victim.
And I'll try to match that to a specific car.
I also found a mixture of limestone, clay,
fly ash, and gypsum.
Oh, uh, Portland cement.
It's my job to determine that,
but you are absolutely right.
And I'm thoroughly impressed.
So what does it mean? I'm not sure yet.
Could be a construction site.
But I believe the answer is in the runoff.
Have you, uh, started the book yet?
No. I am so nervous.
I mean, what if it stinks?
But it could be great, right?
MONTENEGRO I just found out that
the producer Starkel fought with
was out of the country when he was killed.
But I think that I have a new suspect.
So, this is Carrot Bill's Twitter account.
You mean Joe Starkel.
No. This is the carrot's.
You'd be surprised about
how many adult fans there are of the show.
Like this woman, Debra Ann Volker.
Her Twitter handle is SuperVeggieFanXOXO.
Carrot Bill was blocking her direct messages.
"I rely on you to guide my life.
"I trust in you. Everything I am is because of you."
Okay, this is a woman
that's showing signs of being obsessed.
Well, that's just the beginning.
Flash forward to just after Starkel left the Veg-Ta-Bills.
"I gave you everything. You let me down.
"You will rot in hell, and I will make it happen." Wow.
She sent over 50 tweets in a 48-hour period,
and this was the week before Starkel was killed.
Look at this picture she posted.
What, she Photoshopped herself into that?
It's crazy, right?
Uh, a grown woman
obsessed with a giant orange phallic symbol?
Yeah, I'm comfortable calling her crazy.
Carrot Bill dead?
I can't believe it.
He was the best vegetable.
Okay, you do realize
that Carrot Bill is a fictional character?
Joe Starkel is the man that died. I know.
I'm not insane, Dr. Sweets.
Shrinks always look for the crazy in everything.
I watch the Veg-Ta-Bills with my six-year-old son.
To him, the carrot is real.
Right. Did you send these to Joe Starkel?
I'm kind of a Twitter freak, I guess.
That's a bit of an understatement.
Uh, "I want to peel you out of your carrot suit
and eat you raw." Okay, okay,
my son wasn't the only one who liked the show.
But you know what happens online.
You're anonymous, so you say things
that you wouldn't face-to-face, right?
There are hundreds of these messages.
I mean, it starts
with autograph requests and it moves on
to wanting to meet,
and then the stuff about eating his carrot.
I mean, that's-that's, cyberstalking, Ms. Volker.
Maybe I went a little overboard,
but that show changed my life as much as my son's.
I was overweight, eating junk,
I had high blood pressure, and-and sleep apnea...
but because of Carrot Bill,
I went from this, to what you see now.
He saved my life and my career.
I sell beauty products, which is very hard to do
when you're 80 pounds overweight.
That is quite a change. Well, I was
terrified of putting this weight back on when he left the show.
So you saw the group as kind of a talisman
for your good fortune then.
I've always been a little superstitious, I guess.
Have you always threatened people?
Why would I kill him?
Why? He changed my life.
How are you doing with Joe Starkel's e-mails?
He deleted most of them using
a multi-pass system used by the DoD.
Sounds like he was hiding something.
I guess we'll never know.
Well, maybe not. I might be able to use
a magnetic force microscopy
to recover film fragments and piece them together.
Did you get anything else from the tox screens?
Nope.
He was one clean-living carrot.
Clark's book?
I only got through two chapters.
Pretty painful stuff.
Two pages of the sun setting over the remains
of an itinerant stock broker.
So I found traces of asphalt with the concrete and oil.
I think the injuries might have taken place in a parking lot.
Oh, great.
So that narrows down the murder site
- to, like, a million places. - Wow.
Snarky.
Oh, the book got you down?
Ooh...
"Death had never looked so dead as the death
"now in front of them,
"all life drained,
only death covering the dead."
You think the victim was dead?
Please, I couldn't even get past chapter one.
Remember this?
"McDonald's farm was nestled in a glen,
perfect for the final days of an old man."
Old McDonald had a farm? Really? Seriously?
What are we gonna tell him?
We're gonna tell him the truth.
That I've never read anything like it.
Oh, that's good. Yeah.
It's, uh, one of a kind.
Absolutely. What's one of a kind?
Oh, uh, your book.
I've never read anything like it.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I've been very busy with the case,
so I've only gotten through chapter one,
but so far, it is just...
I mean...
Whew!
Well, you know, my feeling is,
if the writer doesn't hook a reader in chapter one,
he's not doing his job.
Look, I just don't want compliments.
I can take criticism.
Of-Of course.
Sure.
You-you got it.
Okay, great. Now, um... oh.
I found some additional remodeled injuries,
uh, this time to the sternum and lower ribs.
More recent than from the fight with the producer.
You know,
I hope we solve this soon
so you can all finish reading.
Me, too. Can't wait!
Chapter two awaits.
Right, right.
It's so nice to have coffee with you.
We never to do this.
I know.
But something tells me this is about more than coffee.
It's Christine's party.
Booth is taking care of it
and that makes me uncomfortable,
because I have no frame of reference
for an important event in my daughter's life.
Oh, honey...
it wasn't that bad.
I mean, your mother and I did all we could.
You could have lived an honest life, Dad.
You know, sometimes circumstances
move your life in a direction
you never thought it would go.
What are you implying?
Well, your mother and I,
we never intended to live outside the law.
I don't understand.
Then why did you?
I can't tell you why.
Not yet.
Certain people are out there...
still alive...
could get hurt.
And after all I've done,
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
That's not a real answer.
I... I know,
but you're just going to have to trust me.
It's not easy, Dad.
I'm sure it isn't.
But when all is said and done, honey,
your childhood wasn't so bad.
You used to love playing tag when you were a kid.
Think back.
Come on. You loved it.
And you... and you always got me.
I mean, you could...
you-you would fade to your right
and then, suddenly, you would slash through to your left...
Y-You could've played football.
I can still hear you laughing
and squealing with joy
every time you got me.
Isn't that
reference enough for you to...
to give Christine a good birthday?
So what is the verdict?
Okay? Is Debra Ann Volker capable of murder?
Well, she definitely suffers from
celebrity worship syndrome.
Celebrity worship syndrome? What is that?
Is that even a real thing? Yeah.
It's an obsessive-addictive disorder. I'll get you
the literature on it, if you want. Nah, I'll take your word for it.
So is she a killer? Volker's tweets definitely
place her at the borderline
of pathological behavior.
And since there's
no cause of death, we have nothing
to link her, except that she's a wacko.
Well, wackos are kind of my thing. Yeah, well,
evidence is my thing, Sweets. You know that.
Hold on. Ooh! It's Ronnie!
Who's Ronnie? Hey!
Ronnie! Yeah! Who's Ronnie?
Thanks, bud, for getting back to me.
He's a one-man-band. Oh...
Okay. Now? Great.
He's going to play a song for us.
Now? Yeah, li...
Huh?
It's pretty cool.
Right?
This guy's a genius.
The fractures to the body of the sternum,
the xiphoid process and the surrounding ribs
appear to be related to chest compressions.
Which were sustained about five months ago.
Now, what's odd is that for someone who appears
to have been assaulted at time of death,
there are no Colles fractures to the distal radius,
or humeral head breaks.
Which suggests the victim
didn't try to break his fall.
Hmm.
Because he lost consciousness.
But none of the injuries he sustained
would have be enough to render him unconscious.
Yeah, and Dr. Saroyan
said his tox screens came back clear,
so no drugs or alcohol.
Which means there's a cause we're not seeing.
And that calls for imagination.
Well, it's what we writers do, isn't it?
But scientists require facts, not flights of fancy.
True.
Of course.
Congratulations on finishing your novel, Clark.
I know what an achievement that is.
Thank you, Dr. Brennan.
Booth.
I reconstructed Joe Starkel's deleted e-mails.
Apparently, he wanted to be Carrot Bill again.
His brother never
mentioned anything about that.
Well, these weren't to his brother.
They were to the head of the company
that produced the Veg-Ta-Bills, Henry Munson.
"Munson"? Whoa, wait a second.
The new Carrot Bill is Tommy Munson.
I know.
Tommy is Henry Munson's son.
Look, I didn't have any problems with Joe.
He was a great guy. No? No problems at all?
Okay, Daddy didn't tell you that Joe wanted his job back?
Yeah. Sure he did. What about it? Okay, and that didn't make you upset,
that you were probably going to be replaced? That's what I thought at first.
But then Joe called me and told me
he was coming up with a whole new character for me.
Wait a second-- Joe called you, not his brother?
Yeah, he and his brother fought all the time.
They're both artist types.
He wanted to work it out with me first.
I was either going to be
an asparagus or a Brussels sprout.
But I was pushing for the asparagus, so...
so I wouldn't lose the phallic thing.
Right. Got it. Okay. But the overall deal
would be if Joe rejoins the group,
you would be getting a pay cut.
Oh, I was never in it for the money.
Why, because your daddy's rich? No.
Because of the moms.
I was in it for them.
The moms...?
Joe cleaned up for years.
A few moms would slip him their phone numbers
after every show.
Then, when I got into the carrot suit,
it worked for me, too.
That's why I wanted to be an asparagus.
Right. Okay.
When was the last time you saw Joe?
A week ago Tuesday.
I was supposed to meet up with him after the show
to talk through some concepts, but he never showed up.
Right, let me guess...
uh, no one knew
that you were going to meet Joe.
Well, yeah, of course.
Look-look, like I said,
Joe wanted this to be just between us
until we worked out all the details.
So you don't have an alibi
the day that Joe disappeared.
I didn't kill Joe.
Okay? You... you have to believe me.
I'm just trying to get the facts here, Mr. Carrot,
and it's not looking too good for you.
We're ready!
We need the carrot!
Hey.
I found traces of
castoreum, ambergris,
musk... which is perfume.
I also found tartrazine and glycol distearate,
which is found in lipstick. Oh.
Well, that makes sense.
Apparently, he slept with a lot of women.
Listen, honey, um...
we have a problem.
What?
Clark's book.
We have to be honest with him.
I mean, nobody is ever gonna publish it.
Well, it's not up to us, Angie.
We don't have a choice.
He asked to see us
so that we could talk about the book.
Oh, no. Yeah.
After we finish the case.
I don't suppose it's ethical
to take a lot more time to catch a killer.
We're his friends.
I... I just think we should be straight with him.
Man...
I hate it when you act like an adult.
What'd you find?
Dr. Brennan told me to take another look
at the fractures on the body of the sternum.
Another fight?
No, these are three months before the fight.
I've heard of people hating their vegetables before,
but this was one despised carrot.
These injuries weren't from a fight.
The fracturing to the ribs and sternum,
these fractures run laterally,
caused by repeated forceful compression of the rib cage.
CPR? Almost certainly.
So he might have had
a heart attack five months ago.
And if he still had a heart condition,
it would explain him dropping
without breaking his fall.
But it wouldn't explain why someone would dump him
into a pile of kudzu.
Starkel was admitted to Mountview General two years ago,
with a rare heart condition called Long QT Syndrome.
Sounds like a dude ranch. It's a condition
which increases the risk
of episodes of torsades de pointes.
Wow. What's that?
It's potentially fatal arrhythmia
provoked by various stimuli.
Like what?
Anything that could startle you--
a loud noise or a sudden shock.
That's a hell of a way to go through life.
I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.
Well, beta blockers are used
to treat the condition quite effectively.
All right, then what killed him?
He wasn't taking his medication.
Cam's tox screen came back negative for all drugs,
even the beta blockers. Why would a guy with
a deadly condition not take his medication?
Men have been known
to stop taking beta blockers
because of a strong... side effect.
Oh. Impotence.
Munson said that Starkel
was sleeping around.
So obviously, I guess he decided that sex
was more important than staying alive.
Someone could have known his condition and figured
it was a perfect way to kill him.
Oh, wow, that is just cold.
Oh, oh, oh, I... oh, I almost forgot.
I almost forgot.
I set up the whole, uh, one man band
ready to go for Christine's birthday party.
He's going to kill it!
I was thinking, Booth...
Since we'll be in the park,
I thought we could play tag.
Sure.
Tag is fun.
See, you know how to have fun.
You're not gonna catch me, though. Oh, I wouldn't
be so sure. I am quite good at tag.
Come on.
I used to be a Ranger, okay?
You're never gonna catch me.
We'll see.
Hey. So I found
duck poo, pig bristle and goat hairs
in the kudzu run-off.
Why do you get to have all the fun?
The animal particles,
as well as everything else we found,
suggest that Starkel could have been killed
in a parking lot near a farm.
But there are no farms close to where the body was dumped.
What are you up to?
Well, I decided to search
Starkel's credit card charges, to see if it's possible
to track his movements on the day he died.
Nailed it, I'm sure. Well, no.
He didn't charge anything that day.
But it did give me an idea.
I expanded the search to include all of Starkel's
credit card activity over the past two months, right?
Then I cross-referenced those charges
against the credit card activity of all of our suspects.
I have married Big Brother.
Interesting result.
Credit card and debit card purchases
of the victim
and of Marilyn Starkel
intersect several times.
Look.
Joe Starkel rents a room at the Tidefront Motel.
And here
Marilyn buys gas the following morning, next-door.
Okay. Here's another one.
A hotel stay on Joe's card.
And then a trip to the closest drug store by Marilyn
that same night.
Now, these two don't live anywhere near each other.
So, Carrot Bill is having an affair with his brother's wife.
And his brother would definitely know about his heart condition.
We talked to your wife, okay? She claims that you knew, okay?
That she was having an affair with your brother.
Marilyn and I are both artists, Agent Booth.
We believe in letting our creative side out to play.
"Letting your creative side out to play."
What does that have to do with anything?
She was following her feelings,
which I support.
We have an open relationship.
You have an open relationship?
Really? That's really convenient
for you to say right now.
The fact is that you knew that your brother had
a medical condition, so you thought you could scare him
so you can get away with murder.
I couldn't do that even if I wanted to.
Joe was on medication. He had it under control.
You're saying you didn't know that your brother
stopped taking the beta blockers?
That's-that's crazy.
Why would he do that?
So he could sleep with your wife.
Look... look, I loved Joe.
He was my brother.
I would never kill him.
Brothers kill brothers all the time, Ken.
Booth wants anything that could possibly link
Joe's brother to the murder.
Well, Hodgins might be leading us there.
With ducks and pigs?
Well, particulates from an Ancona duck,
Nigerian dwarf goat
or a pot-bellied pig, to be exact.
But there are 322
farms and petting zoos and veterinary clinics
in the area, which might have those breeds.
Well, Booth is not going to 322 farms.
Which is why I found a way to narrow it down even further.
Check this out.
Charlie's Barnyard.
The children's television show?
Now, look at the location.
See, the animals are kept in pens
next to the parking lot at the same studios
the Veg-Ta-Bills use.
Where his brother works.
There's oil spots all over in all these places.
I hope your little magic stick can
find out where he was killed.
It's not a magic stick, Booth.
It's an alternative light source.
Okay, well, we need a little magic right now.
Found something.
Okay, what do we got?
This is definitely blood.
Well, the angle matches
the fracture on the victim's parietal.
This where he fell and conked his head.
Yeah, and there's more blood here.
Oh! We got a trail.
And it keeps going.
And it stops here.
Look at that.
Right up to the skid marks.
So, he was hit there;
his body was dragged here,
up to these skid marks,
which are...
tires marks of a smaller car.
Well, we can match these tires to the ones found
at the scene of the body dump.
Dr. Saroyan.
I don't think it's the brother.
I found a compound of propylene glycol,
glyceryl stearate and hydrolyzed lupine protein
from the kudzu runoff.
Those are cosmetic ingredients.
You already found those.
No, these are different.
And the concentrations
are extremely high.
There's no way that Starkel got that much on him
from being with one woman.
I ran the compound
through an FDA database.
Turns out that it's unique
to a moisturizer made by a Suzy James Cosmetics.
Wait a second, that's the company
that Debra Ann Volker works for.
I already told you.
I respected Mr. Starkel.
I was grateful to him.
I'd never hurt him.
You didn't mean to.
He had a heart condition
you couldn't have known about.
But he was so healthy.
No, he wasn't. And the trunk of your car
has Starkel's DNA and blood.
As well as cosmetics that were found on his clothing.
Plus your tires match the tires
that were found at the site
where the body was dumped.
He slept with so many women.
Why not me?
And you just, what,
you wanted to get close to him?
I-I drove up behind him.
And I have an electric car,
so I guess he didn't, he didn't hear me.
And I got right up to him, you know?
I just wanted to surprise him.
So I honked my horn.
You startled him. But he just dropped.
And-and-and he hit his head on-on the parking block.
So I got out and I-I ran to him
and I tried to help him.
But... he was just...
I...
I just wanted
to get his attention, okay?
I-I just wanted him to see how good I look.
'Cause that was all because of him.
He died the instant you honked your horn.
So you put him in your car and you dumped his body.
You dumped his body.
I didn't know what else to do.
I didn't want anybody to think it was my fault.
But it was, Debra.
? Close the window, love ?
? Keep the light out ?
? Shut the curtains tight ?
? We'll get found out ?
? Or we'll get lost here ?
? La-da-da-da ?
? La-da-da-da-da-da ?
? La-da-da-da ?
? Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ?
Here you go.
Ah, since the case
is over, Dr. Saroyan, I thought it be okay
for us to share a little wine.
Certainly make our conversation a lot easier.
I agree.
Okay, if we run out,
I have more in my office.
Really?
Yeah. Doing what we do,
I'm surprised we all don't.
Please, sit.
O-Okay.
So, you-you want to...
uh, to talk,
um, about your book. Yes.
I can't tell you how much it's meant to me
that you guys all read my book.
As your friends, we-we want to be honest with you.
Of course.
But, uh, first, I would like if we could all
raise our paper cups.
I can't imagine a more wonderful group of friends
to share this good news with.
I'm being published.
What?
The same publishers who published Dr. Brennan.
They think my book is perfect for them.
They're promising a big release.
We-we... we should drink!
To-to Murder Made Me Do It.
Down the old hatch.
Now, look, I-I know that I'm published now,
but I would really still like your feedback.
- So, uh... - Well, I...
for one, I-I loved it.
Me, too.
This is... the best book I've read in a long time.
It was riveting.
I gotta tell you,
I can't believe you all loved it.
I know.
Neither can I.
Published.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Hello. Hey. Where's Booth?
Oh, he's dealing with Ronnie the one-man band.
Bones.
Bones! Bones, Bones, Bones!
Come here, come here.
Why are you wearing that?
What do you mean? Well, Ronnie, Ronnie. Look at him.
He's passed out, and I don't want him drooling
all over the kids.
Well, you can't play that.
What-what do you mean I can't?
What? You just do this.
One of these.
And Pops, you know, he taught me how to play the harmonica.
Listen.
Right?
Right. So come on. Help me in the back.
Make sure everything's all hooked up.
Christine is happy just playing with her friends, Booth.
Look, all right, I don't want to disappoint Christine.
I promised my little girl that I would get her the one-man band.
And that's what she's gonna get.
Okay.
What's happening?
- Hey! - ? Happy birthday ?
? To you ?
? Happy birthday to you ?
- I want to play tag. - No, no.
Let-let me just finish here, honey, okay?
No, Mommy said tag.
You're not afraid, are you? I'm kind of
at a disadvantage here. Okay.
And Mommy always won. Want to go?
I told her it was my favorite game.
Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, tag!
Tempe always won. Go get 'em! Go get 'em!
Oh, no! Don't get me!
Oh, did he get you?
Oh, you got me! I'm It!
Oh, I'm at a serious disadvantage here, Bones.
Well, that's because you're playing me.
Ah!
Ha-ha! You're It!
Fade to the left!
Go!
Get him! Get him!
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
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