1 00:00:00,136 --> 00:00:01,307 Previously on Boston Legal 2 00:00:01,307 --> 00:00:02,262 Nice night. 3 00:00:02,297 --> 00:00:03,217 Suddenly it is. 4 00:00:03,218 --> 00:00:04,804 You had sex with her here? 5 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,578 Hot, sweaty sex… 6 00:00:08,613 --> 00:00:10,335 in the coat check room. 7 00:00:10,370 --> 00:00:11,855 I'm not a one-woman man. 8 00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:13,341 As long as we're together, 9 00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:16,066 feel free to have sex with anyone else you want. 10 00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:18,721 I care about what could happen to this firm now! 11 00:00:18,721 --> 00:00:21,569 Let me tell you what will happen to this firm if Denny Crane left. 12 00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,113 It would dry up and blow away and you with it! 13 00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,854 By the way, did I tell you? 14 00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:27,410 Bev and I are getting married. 15 00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,931 No. I would have remembered that. 16 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:37,074 Play one of the best new FPS shooters, search Steam for PROJECT WARLOCK 17 00:00:40,688 --> 00:00:43,508 Alan, help me with my tie. 18 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,154 Certainly. 19 00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:49,184 I can't do it this way. Turn around. 20 00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:54,882 Oh, I wish you and I were getting married. 21 00:00:54,917 --> 00:00:56,963 That's you and I. 22 00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:00,376 Both of us, to others. I'm not gay. 23 00:01:00,411 --> 00:01:04,133 I understood you the first Freudian slip. 24 00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:07,856 Well, I, I, I… I don't want to leave you. 25 00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:10,584 No doubt there will be some adjusting. 26 00:01:10,619 --> 00:01:13,725 But you're not losing an Alan, you're gaining a Bev, 27 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,309 the girl of your recent dreams. 28 00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,893 Alan, you're my best friend. 29 00:01:19,641 --> 00:01:22,172 If you want, you can dream about her, too. 30 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,300 Denny, you're generous to a fault. 31 00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:27,799 There you are. 32 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,584 Denny Crane. 33 00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,645 Getting hitched. 34 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,894 Indeed. 35 00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:49,353 Ladies and gentlemen, would you please rise 36 00:01:49,388 --> 00:01:53,337 and welcome for the first time as husband and wife, 37 00:01:53,372 --> 00:01:57,252 Mr and Mrs Denny Crane. 38 00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,148 White roses, gold-leaf cake, 39 00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:18,828 Bev's boobs swimming out of her wedding dress. 40 00:02:18,828 --> 00:02:21,002 Who said money can't buy tastelessness? 41 00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,106 I think Bev and Denny did a lovely job. 42 00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:26,648 11 marriages between the 2 of them. They've had plenty of practice. 43 00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:28,544 Will you listen to you people? 44 00:02:28,579 --> 00:02:31,733 Can we not for just one moment appreciate the simplicity 45 00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:36,149 and timelessness of two souls in love? 46 00:03:33,219 --> 00:03:37,814 Congratulations. I saw you were the lucky one who caught Bev's garter. 47 00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:42,410 Yes, I'm going for a full battery of tests first thing in the morning. 48 00:03:42,445 --> 00:03:43,855 I love you. 49 00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:45,782 I love you more. 50 00:03:45,817 --> 00:03:47,126 I love you more more. 51 00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,922 Mainlander. 52 00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,683 Oh, my angel! 53 00:03:51,746 --> 00:03:53,776 Denny, this is my dear friend Troy. 54 00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:54,404 Troy. 55 00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,506 Denny, mahalo and congrats. 56 00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:56,875 Thank you. 57 00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,362 Troy lives on the big island. 58 00:03:58,362 --> 00:03:59,274 Oh, yeah? 59 00:03:59,275 --> 00:04:02,311 Well, we'll have to come and look you up on our honeymoon 60 00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:03,037 if there's time. 61 00:04:03,037 --> 00:04:04,154 Oh, excellent, excellent. 62 00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,020 I've got some new listings you two are going to fall for. 63 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:10,679 Uh, Troy's a realtor. He's been keeping an eye out on houses for us. 64 00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:13,919 I didn't know we were in the market for a second home. 65 00:04:14,135 --> 00:04:18,452 Actually, darling, when you see the Kona coast, you may be thinking of first homes. 66 00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:22,172 What am I supposed to do, beam myself to Boston every morning? 67 00:04:22,459 --> 00:04:26,926 Would you excuse us, Troy? Hey, come here. 68 00:04:27,299 --> 00:04:31,786 Now, honey, I just want you to humor me in my wild notions. 69 00:04:31,821 --> 00:04:34,564 I want to put this thought in your head, and it's only a thought. That's all. 70 00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:39,799 But now that we're starting this new chapter in our lives, 71 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,878 what do you say we really do it? 72 00:04:42,913 --> 00:04:44,260 Retire? 73 00:04:44,295 --> 00:04:48,859 No, that's an old person's word. I'm talking about new beginnings. 74 00:04:48,894 --> 00:04:50,923 But, Bev, you know I'm the rainmaker at the firm. 75 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:54,965 Our clients want to know that Denny Crane is taking care of their business. 76 00:04:54,965 --> 00:05:00,501 And Bev wants to know that Denny Crane is taking care of… 77 00:05:00,536 --> 00:05:03,314 well, Denny Crane. 78 00:05:03,349 --> 00:05:06,457 But we have lots of time for these thoughts. 79 00:05:06,492 --> 00:05:12,776 Tonight's all fun and games, right? 80 00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:21,745 Hi. Nice night. 81 00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:28,013 Suddenly it is. 82 00:05:35,998 --> 00:05:38,564 Has anyone seen Denny? It's time for our toast. 83 00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:42,044 Oh, last time I saw him was over near the coat check room. 84 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,966 Denny? 85 00:05:58,932 --> 00:06:02,045 Is it time to cut the cake? 86 00:06:13,753 --> 00:06:15,388 Of course, there is no pre-nup. 87 00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:16,954 Actually, Denny signed one. 88 00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:18,841 He just neglected to have Bev sign it. 89 00:06:18,841 --> 00:06:20,659 I thought it was a lovely reception. 90 00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:23,642 I never got to the cake. It looked fantastic. Any of you try it? 91 00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:25,884 It was supposed to be marble with a little fudge… 92 00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:27,636 Shut up, just shut up! 93 00:06:27,671 --> 00:06:30,414 While you sit here prattling about cake fillings, 94 00:06:30,414 --> 00:06:33,088 Bev has hired an army of lawyers to gut this firm. 95 00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:35,353 She won't get far, Paul. It's a straightforward annulment. 96 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,753 They were only married for three hours. 97 00:06:36,753 --> 00:06:40,284 Legally, they never had the opportunity to consummate the marriage after the ceremony. 98 00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:42,161 Oh, yes, we did. 99 00:06:42,989 --> 00:06:44,944 You had sex with another woman 100 00:06:44,979 --> 00:06:47,803 and your wife in the three hours you were married? 101 00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:50,558 It was my special day. I'd taken my little blue pill. 102 00:06:50,558 --> 00:06:54,123 There's no cure for cancer, but we've got three pills for that. 103 00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:56,487 Look, there are other criteria for an annulment. 104 00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:59,002 Legally, we can always say that Denny was not of sound mind. 105 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:02,108 That cannot become public knowledge, 106 00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:05,383 despite the repeated shootings, the television appearances, 107 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,858 people still believe Denny runs this firm. 108 00:07:07,858 --> 00:07:09,279 I am one of those people. 109 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,961 Bev's attorney Eli Granger will be here in less than an hour. 110 00:07:12,996 --> 00:07:17,904 My suggestion for now is that we simply hear him out. 111 00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:28,125 Alan, it's awful. 112 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,860 Joan? What's awful? 113 00:07:29,895 --> 00:07:31,265 My boss. 114 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,985 Mr Loomis just fired me. 115 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,329 I'm sorry. 116 00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,228 You work so hard, you know? 117 00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:38,676 Eight years at that frigging escrow company. 118 00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:40,456 Why did he fire you? 119 00:07:40,491 --> 00:07:44,496 Well, one day six weeks ago, he brings us all in for a staff meeting, 120 00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:48,466 and he says, “Due to the spiraling costs of health care insurance,” 121 00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,873 “all smokers have exactly six weeks to quit,” 122 00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:53,614 “at which point I'll test their system for nicotine,” 123 00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:56,806 “and if you fail the urine test, then you'll be terminated”. 124 00:07:56,806 --> 00:08:00,145 Fired. Frigging health Nazi. 125 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,481 You know, I got rent to pay, and of course, I tried to quit. 126 00:08:03,481 --> 00:08:06,113 You know, I wanted to. I did the patch, 127 00:08:06,148 --> 00:08:09,870 and I did that little nicotine sucky thing, you know? 128 00:08:09,905 --> 00:08:12,502 But the more I imagined losing my job, 129 00:08:12,537 --> 00:08:14,759 the more I panicked, and the more I panicked, 130 00:08:14,759 --> 00:08:16,424 the more I smoked. 131 00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:18,423 Now I'm up to three packs a day. 132 00:08:18,458 --> 00:08:20,179 And today was the day. 133 00:08:20,214 --> 00:08:22,592 He just made me pee in a cup, and then he fired me. 134 00:08:22,592 --> 00:08:24,961 Well, unless that's some type of sex game with your lover, 135 00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:27,297 I find that appalling, and we won't let him do it. 136 00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:28,087 We won't? 137 00:08:28,122 --> 00:08:29,443 I'm off to court right now. 138 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,655 But what floor is your office on? I'll pay him a visit. 139 00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:36,245 The tenth. Just follow the evil stench of vitamins and celery. 140 00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:50,289 Ah, well, good morning, everyone. 141 00:08:50,289 --> 00:08:55,207 Shirley, I can see I didn't bring enough silent flunkies to fill my side of the table. 142 00:08:55,207 --> 00:08:59,395 Double-shot espresso, skim milk, two sugars. Scoot. 143 00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,556 Let's start over. 144 00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:06,267 Eli, welcome to Crane, Poole & Schmidt. That's my seat. Get out. 145 00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:11,682 Please get Mr Granger a cup of coffee, skim milk, two sugars. Thank you. 146 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:17,062 Now, Eli, besides telling you your fake tan is coming off on your collar, 147 00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:19,495 what can we do for you? 148 00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:21,593 The parting of ways, marital dissolution. 149 00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:26,031 My client's trauma is incalculable, and yet look at me. 150 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,298 I've calculated it. 151 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,833 To the point. 152 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,612 Mrs Crane gave up her career, 153 00:09:30,647 --> 00:09:33,422 a lucrative office furniture business, to be a stay-at-home wife. 154 00:09:33,422 --> 00:09:35,797 She made irrevocable sacrifices, 155 00:09:35,832 --> 00:09:40,509 and still, as a generous offer, considering her pain, 156 00:09:40,544 --> 00:09:44,549 she is willing to take only 50% of Mr Crane's assets. 157 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,209 What? 158 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,464 Including his equity in the firm here, of course. 159 00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:48,861 They were married only three hours. 160 00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:50,189 And it would have lasted longer, 161 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:54,284 had Denny here not banged a cocktail waitress at his own wedding reception. 162 00:09:54,284 --> 00:09:56,091 We're not here to judge. 163 00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:59,160 Though the state of Massachusetts is, and in cases like this, 164 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,460 we are a “fault” state, and clearly Denny is at fault. 165 00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:07,760 And by the time Mrs Crane gets what's hers, who knows? 166 00:10:07,795 --> 00:10:10,479 Maybe I'll have my name on the door here. 167 00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:12,105 Do you smoke it or take it in the arm? 168 00:10:12,105 --> 00:10:13,369 Brad. 169 00:10:15,118 --> 00:10:16,940 There will be no divorce. 170 00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:19,313 Beg pardon? 171 00:10:19,399 --> 00:10:22,788 Bev and I had an agreement. When we first got together, 172 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:26,143 she told me that I could sleep with whomever I want. 173 00:10:26,178 --> 00:10:30,957 Delmonico's restaurant, January 14th. Happiest night of my life. 174 00:10:30,992 --> 00:10:33,487 So I had sex with another woman 175 00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:36,272 or a navy burberry. 176 00:10:36,307 --> 00:10:38,236 I'm not quite sure which, but the point is, 177 00:10:38,236 --> 00:10:44,008 she granted me the right to tomcat, and I exercised that right. 178 00:10:44,425 --> 00:10:46,287 No divorce. 179 00:10:46,782 --> 00:10:49,511 No reconciliation. 180 00:10:50,574 --> 00:10:52,972 We're going to court. 181 00:11:02,651 --> 00:11:06,232 Every good marriage takes work. 182 00:11:19,236 --> 00:11:20,442 Kurt Loomis. 183 00:11:20,477 --> 00:11:24,482 Alan Shore. I've noticed you at the juice bar on the first floor. 184 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,471 You always leave a penny, never take one. I admire that. 185 00:11:28,506 --> 00:11:29,917 Ha, thank you, Al. 186 00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:32,234 So I guess you're here to speak about Joan. 187 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,896 Yes, Kur, I am. 188 00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,640 Well, I'm sorry to see her go, but rules are the rules. 189 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,642 You break them, you've got to pay the price. 190 00:11:38,642 --> 00:11:43,806 I've never heard our entire system of justice encapsulated so succinctly. 191 00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:46,067 Well, that's me. 192 00:11:46,102 --> 00:11:50,797 However, instances arise where the rules themselves are unfair. 193 00:11:50,832 --> 00:11:52,634 This is one of those cases. 194 00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:53,557 Nope. 195 00:11:53,558 --> 00:11:56,105 The no-smoking rule is as right as the Bible. 196 00:11:56,105 --> 00:11:58,618 Good for the company, good for the employees. 197 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,346 It's just good, period. 198 00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:03,623 Well, and this may be in the Bible somewhere, 199 00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:07,918 you do have the right to forbid your employees from smoking at work, 200 00:12:07,953 --> 00:12:11,253 but why do you think you're justified in telling anyone 201 00:12:11,278 --> 00:12:14,449 what they may or may not do on their own time? 202 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,656 Because it's good for them, 203 00:12:16,691 --> 00:12:19,839 and my lawyer told me I could, guy just like you. 204 00:12:19,874 --> 00:12:23,651 You see, everyone here is what you call an at-will employee. 205 00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:25,659 And like most workers in this country, 206 00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:29,537 they can be fired for anything, 207 00:12:29,572 --> 00:12:33,416 anytime, any place, any way. 208 00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:35,993 You see, Al, I used to coach football. 209 00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:37,553 I never would have guessed. 210 00:12:37,553 --> 00:12:39,795 It's like I used to tell my players. 211 00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:42,038 There are two ways to do things, 212 00:12:42,073 --> 00:12:43,982 my way and the wrong way. 213 00:12:44,017 --> 00:12:46,167 Joan did things the wrong way, 214 00:12:46,202 --> 00:12:48,283 so I cut her from the squad. 215 00:12:48,318 --> 00:12:52,088 I have a similar bit of wisdom I like to share. 216 00:12:52,123 --> 00:12:55,969 We can do this my way or another way 217 00:12:56,004 --> 00:13:00,396 that will have you writing a very large check and crying like a baby. 218 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,213 Are you threatening me, Al? 219 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:08,101 Why not just rehire Joan and forget we ever met? 220 00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,874 I know I'd like nothing more. 221 00:13:10,909 --> 00:13:13,577 Nope, I think we're done. 222 00:13:13,612 --> 00:13:17,917 Actually, this is just the beginning of our little game. 223 00:13:17,952 --> 00:13:22,222 I'd assumed that as a coach, you'd have figured that out. 224 00:13:37,585 --> 00:13:39,367 Trying to quit? 225 00:13:39,962 --> 00:13:41,875 Not really. 226 00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:45,870 I just suppose there should be a law requiring me to try to quit. 227 00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,186 What are you in for? 228 00:13:49,221 --> 00:13:49,999 Divorce. 229 00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,742 Ah, been there. 230 00:13:51,777 --> 00:13:56,644 Not with a husband. Boyfriend after frigging boyfriend. 231 00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:58,609 I suck at relationships. 232 00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:01,228 Actually, I suck at almost everything. 233 00:14:01,263 --> 00:14:03,812 When I'm not inhaling, I'm sucking. 234 00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:06,111 The story of my life. 235 00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:08,818 The only thing I've actually ever been good at is my job, 236 00:14:08,818 --> 00:14:14,162 which I never sucked at but got fired just the same for inhaling. 237 00:14:14,197 --> 00:14:15,545 I was good at it. 238 00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:19,111 I was good. I was good. 239 00:14:19,146 --> 00:14:20,894 I was… 240 00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:22,643 Good. 241 00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:25,381 I can't make my rent. 242 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,593 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 243 00:14:27,628 --> 00:14:29,348 No, I do. 244 00:14:29,383 --> 00:14:32,430 Actually, I'm suing. That's it. And I'm gonna win. 245 00:14:32,465 --> 00:14:35,260 Alan Shore's my lawyer, and he's good. 246 00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:37,549 He's good. 247 00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:40,573 Who have you got? 248 00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:43,727 Uh, I had Denny Crane. 249 00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,919 Now I've got Eli. 250 00:14:48,691 --> 00:14:51,290 Alan Shore's in my boss' office right now trying to settle. 251 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,855 He's going to come walking off that elevator any second 252 00:14:53,855 --> 00:14:56,510 and tell me I've got my job back, 253 00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,881 or they're giving me money, 254 00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:02,548 or I'm gonna get everything I want. 255 00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:04,746 Otherwise… 256 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,919 I have to win this. 257 00:15:09,954 --> 00:15:12,315 I have to win. 258 00:15:19,983 --> 00:15:21,626 We're being audited. 259 00:15:21,661 --> 00:15:23,235 The entire firm? 260 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,055 To determine Denny's net worth. 261 00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,771 Let them. We have nothing to hide. 262 00:15:26,771 --> 00:15:30,436 Hold on a second there, aunt Sally. This could be… 263 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,138 well, a problem. 264 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,351 Why? 265 00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:36,163 Denny, what have you done? 266 00:15:36,198 --> 00:15:38,571 Little things. 267 00:15:38,606 --> 00:15:40,910 How little? 268 00:15:40,945 --> 00:15:43,513 I may have, on occasion, 269 00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:47,595 laid off an occasional personal expense on the firm, occasionally. 270 00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:48,851 Good Lord! 271 00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:52,788 Call Joel Landson in accounting. Get him up here right away. 272 00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:58,190 Mind you, it's not exactly illegal, but it's not legal either. 273 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,967 It's in the fuzzy gray area. 274 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,342 Denny's home address. 275 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,392 Bottom line. 276 00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:03,760 Should this information become public… 277 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,132 And we can be sure that Bev's lawyers will see that it does. 278 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:10,470 The IRS could get involved. Our reputation will be sullied. 279 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,653 Clients will begin to wonder if they've been bilked. 280 00:16:12,653 --> 00:16:14,986 There could be more investigations, 281 00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:17,354 and all of the partners will be liable. 282 00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:19,458 We're talking Arthur Andersen headlines. 283 00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:20,236 We're screwed. 284 00:16:20,236 --> 00:16:21,116 We don't own enough shredders. 285 00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:24,534 Our only chance right now is to settle and settle quickly. 286 00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:26,353 Um, we can't do that. 287 00:16:26,388 --> 00:16:27,839 Why not? 288 00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,290 Because… 289 00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,754 I want to stay married. 290 00:16:31,789 --> 00:16:32,982 I thought you were bluffing! 291 00:16:32,982 --> 00:16:34,923 That doesn't seem to be an option right now, Denny. 292 00:16:34,923 --> 00:16:36,443 I'm gonna make it an option, 293 00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:41,046 and as we know, my name on the door. 294 00:16:43,738 --> 00:16:45,822 That's it! 295 00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:55,582 Paul. 296 00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:58,350 Denise, I want you to look over the partnership agreement 297 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,081 and tell me hypothetically 298 00:17:00,116 --> 00:17:05,320 what would be required for me to sell my portion out and take early retirement, 299 00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:08,658 and, hypothetically, I would need that very fast. 300 00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:11,324 Paul, don't do anything you'll regret. 301 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,921 Doing nothing is what I'll regret most. 302 00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:18,252 I have devoted my life to keeping this firm an outstanding institution. 303 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,584 Now in the twilight of my career, 304 00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:24,218 this, this mess could destroy my reputation, 305 00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:27,818 all because Denny cannot control his aged groin. 306 00:17:27,853 --> 00:17:29,698 All right, listen, guys. I can fix this. 307 00:17:29,698 --> 00:17:32,260 Now just let me talk to Denny. I know what to say. 308 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,376 I can make him settle. 309 00:17:33,376 --> 00:17:38,548 Paul, just wait this out, please. 310 00:17:44,573 --> 00:17:47,455 The purchase of a home is one of life's great stressors, 311 00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:50,319 and while I'm no braggart, in my eight years at Loomis escrow, 312 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,512 I had the most escrow closes. 313 00:17:52,547 --> 00:17:55,342 I had the highest customer satisfaction record. 314 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,899 All of my year-end reviews were fours. 315 00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:00,555 That's out of a possible four. 316 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:03,052 I was employee of the year three years running. 317 00:18:03,052 --> 00:18:04,589 I mean, if I was such a bad worker, 318 00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:07,920 then why was I awarded the $100 gift certificate to the Hungry Whistler? 319 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,316 Your honor, at this time, 320 00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:15,498 if I may enter into evidence Ms Zeder's three employee of the year plaques. 321 00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:19,800 Please note the inscribed nickname, “Just ask Joan”. 322 00:18:19,835 --> 00:18:22,263 Thank you. I can see that. 323 00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:25,374 Now, Joan, do you smoke cigarettes? 324 00:18:25,409 --> 00:18:26,612 Yeah. 325 00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:28,114 Have you ever smoked at work? 326 00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:30,529 Yes, but only on my breaks on my time, 327 00:18:30,564 --> 00:18:33,859 away from the door, and I'm a courtesy waver, 328 00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:37,173 so, you know, I… not in anyone's face. 329 00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,722 Does your smoking impact your job in any way? 330 00:18:39,722 --> 00:18:42,166 No, and I've never been late because of smoking. 331 00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:45,527 In fact, actually, it helps calm me down so I can focus on my work. 332 00:18:45,527 --> 00:18:47,593 Thank you, Ms Zeder. 333 00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:56,715 Ms Zeder, did your boss tell you to quit smoking, or you'd be fired? 334 00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,274 Yes. 335 00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:01,575 Nothing further. 336 00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,658 Denny. 337 00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:17,404 I was a marine. I served my country proudly in the first Gulf war. 338 00:19:17,404 --> 00:19:21,313 I am an honest, honorable person. I want you to know that I do not lie. 339 00:19:21,313 --> 00:19:21,971 We're clear on that? 340 00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:23,184 Yes. 341 00:19:24,225 --> 00:19:26,923 Are there any guns in here? I want to be clear on that as well. 342 00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:28,005 There are many guns. 343 00:19:28,005 --> 00:19:28,794 Within reach? 344 00:19:28,829 --> 00:19:29,773 No. 345 00:19:30,492 --> 00:19:32,044 All right. 346 00:19:35,031 --> 00:19:39,286 Several weeks ago I took your fiancée out to lunch. 347 00:19:39,321 --> 00:19:41,072 It's not that. 348 00:19:41,107 --> 00:19:43,860 I offered her $500,000 349 00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,363 to end her relationship with you. 350 00:19:46,398 --> 00:19:47,154 What? 351 00:19:47,189 --> 00:19:49,428 I know. It was a foolish thing to do, 352 00:19:49,429 --> 00:19:54,306 but I felt that I was acting in the best interests of the firm and you. 353 00:19:54,341 --> 00:19:55,143 She turned you down. 354 00:19:55,143 --> 00:19:55,885 Yes. 355 00:19:57,673 --> 00:20:01,421 But before she did, she hesitated. 356 00:20:01,456 --> 00:20:03,945 She considered it. 357 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:06,920 And it's my belief that if I had offered her more, 358 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,433 she would have taken it. 359 00:20:09,468 --> 00:20:13,229 Thank you, Brad, for telling me that. It couldn't have been easy. 360 00:20:13,229 --> 00:20:14,856 You're fired. 361 00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,092 What? 362 00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,827 Name on the door. 363 00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:20,997 See you. 364 00:20:31,539 --> 00:20:33,939 He fired me. I'm a partner. He fired me. 365 00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:36,926 Brad, the review committee will take care of this. 366 00:20:36,926 --> 00:20:39,248 He can't just fire you without consulting the partners. 367 00:20:39,248 --> 00:20:41,390 Of course he can. He's Denny Crane. 368 00:20:41,425 --> 00:20:45,219 His name's on the door. If he wants me gone, I'm gone. 369 00:20:51,894 --> 00:20:54,727 Damn it, Denny, you just can't. 370 00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:55,283 Can. 371 00:20:55,284 --> 00:20:57,268 All of it. This is a law firm! 372 00:20:57,303 --> 00:21:00,370 This is a living, breathing entity. 373 00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:01,612 Yes, you may have founded it, 374 00:21:01,612 --> 00:21:04,957 but hundreds and hundreds of people now have their lives attached to it, 375 00:21:04,957 --> 00:21:08,303 and at this moment, through the choices you make, 376 00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:11,246 you have the potential to unravel this entire place 377 00:21:11,246 --> 00:21:14,120 and the individuals who have given everything to it. 378 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,054 That may be, but still… 379 00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:18,000 So help me, if you say it's still your name on the door, 380 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,611 I will shoot you with one of your own guns. 381 00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:22,137 That won't change the door. 382 00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:27,335 Denny, you cheated on your wife at your own wedding reception 383 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,640 in what has become some sort of cloakroom fetish 384 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,172 that is a new low even for you. 385 00:21:32,654 --> 00:21:34,592 Yeah. 386 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,814 It is, isn't it? 387 00:21:39,738 --> 00:21:44,929 And now you're saying you don't want the marriage to end? 388 00:21:44,964 --> 00:21:47,694 What is going on here? 389 00:21:49,219 --> 00:21:52,158 You've known me 30 years. You tell me. 390 00:21:52,193 --> 00:21:54,875 One moment I'm enjoying my own wedding reception, 391 00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:57,523 and the next, my gut's telling me something's wrong. 392 00:21:57,523 --> 00:22:00,853 And somehow having sex with that waitress 393 00:22:00,888 --> 00:22:04,184 or the coat made everything feel right. 394 00:22:04,219 --> 00:22:10,166 And once things felt right again, 395 00:22:10,201 --> 00:22:12,761 I wanted Bev back. 396 00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:17,210 Denny, your once charming 397 00:22:17,245 --> 00:22:23,015 and eccentric behavior has turned into a series of self-destructive impulses. 398 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,947 I love you, but 399 00:22:24,982 --> 00:22:28,262 it's time to take a step back and look at what you're turning into. 400 00:22:28,262 --> 00:22:32,715 Shirley, I love you, too. 401 00:22:48,622 --> 00:22:50,518 Shirley, you want something. 402 00:22:50,553 --> 00:22:52,985 I'll guess it's sex. Let me take my coat off. 403 00:22:52,985 --> 00:22:54,307 As much as I'd love to, Alan, 404 00:22:54,307 --> 00:22:57,050 if we did, I wouldn't have time to deal with your needs. 405 00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:59,384 Yes. Well, another time. 406 00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,684 What's on your mind? 407 00:23:01,719 --> 00:23:04,686 I am sure you know what's going on with Denny. 408 00:23:04,721 --> 00:23:07,399 Shirley, in this case, I've decided to stay above the fray 409 00:23:07,399 --> 00:23:10,273 and catch the show from the mezzanine. 410 00:23:10,308 --> 00:23:12,074 In case you missed the first act, 411 00:23:12,074 --> 00:23:14,816 Denny's decision not to settle on his divorce 412 00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:17,156 leaves the firm quite vulnerable. 413 00:23:17,191 --> 00:23:21,049 We may be open to public audit, uh, potential lawsuits, 414 00:23:21,084 --> 00:23:22,645 Paul has threatened to leave, 415 00:23:22,645 --> 00:23:25,085 and we may lose Brad if we're not careful. 416 00:23:25,085 --> 00:23:26,936 Sounds exciting. 417 00:23:26,971 --> 00:23:30,098 So you want me to convince Denny to settle 418 00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:32,733 so that we all may be settled? 419 00:23:32,768 --> 00:23:33,880 Something like that. 420 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,303 I won't do it. 421 00:23:36,362 --> 00:23:39,122 Alan, you're willing to see this firm go down? 422 00:23:39,148 --> 00:23:44,073 You're asking me to manipulate my friend, and I won't do it. 423 00:23:44,108 --> 00:23:47,874 It would have been easier just to have sex with you. 424 00:23:55,863 --> 00:23:57,996 Health insurance premiums keep going up. 425 00:23:57,996 --> 00:23:59,491 I run a small business. 426 00:23:59,526 --> 00:24:02,857 I'm competing against escrow services that are nationwide chains 427 00:24:02,857 --> 00:24:04,550 and others that are on the internet. 428 00:24:04,550 --> 00:24:07,999 I have to either cut costs or close my doors. It's that simple. 429 00:24:07,999 --> 00:24:10,575 And if Ms Zeder would have been able to quit smoking, 430 00:24:10,575 --> 00:24:12,025 would you have kept her on the payroll? 431 00:24:12,025 --> 00:24:13,081 Of course. 432 00:24:13,082 --> 00:24:17,260 We didn't give her the $100 gift certificate to the Hungry Whistler for nothing. 433 00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:22,325 Mr Loomis, your desire to cut costs makes absolute sense, 434 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,732 but we heard your office manager testify 435 00:24:25,767 --> 00:24:29,268 that when you weigh Ms Zeder's productivity 436 00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:32,769 against any increased health insurance premiums, 437 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,116 you still come out ahead. 438 00:24:34,116 --> 00:24:37,863 So your argument is, dare I say it, a fumble, correct? 439 00:24:37,898 --> 00:24:39,639 I have to think of the future. 440 00:24:39,639 --> 00:24:41,907 If she gets cancer or heart disease 441 00:24:41,942 --> 00:24:46,035 or any of the other things that smokers get, my rates go sky-high. 442 00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:48,097 Mr Loomis, how do you feel about fat people? 443 00:24:48,097 --> 00:24:49,827 Because according to the Surgeon General, 444 00:24:49,827 --> 00:24:54,536 300,000 Americans die every year from obesity-related illnesses. 445 00:24:54,571 --> 00:24:59,245 Other businesses are firing people for that. I haven't done it yet. 446 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,322 So you're thinking about it? 447 00:25:00,322 --> 00:25:01,561 I'm always thinking. 448 00:25:01,562 --> 00:25:03,774 Anyone can see that. How about alcohol consumption? 449 00:25:03,774 --> 00:25:07,305 People who have more than 15 drinks a week are at risk of becoming alcoholics, 450 00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:10,196 and alcoholism can cause cirrhosis of the liver, pancreatitis, 451 00:25:10,196 --> 00:25:12,201 increased incidence of cancer. 452 00:25:12,236 --> 00:25:16,488 Wouldn't it be a good idea to monitor your employees' alcohol intake? 453 00:25:16,523 --> 00:25:17,443 Maybe I should. 454 00:25:17,444 --> 00:25:18,377 Well, what about coffee? 455 00:25:18,377 --> 00:25:23,986 Caffeine temporarily increases your blood pressure, trans-fatty acids and stress. 456 00:25:24,021 --> 00:25:26,841 Both of these things could cause heart attacks. 457 00:25:26,867 --> 00:25:29,679 That would certainly raise your premiums sky-high. 458 00:25:29,679 --> 00:25:32,320 It's been proven arguing 30 minutes a day 459 00:25:32,355 --> 00:25:34,941 lowers your immune system, as does loneliness. 460 00:25:34,941 --> 00:25:37,418 There go your married employees and your single ones. 461 00:25:37,418 --> 00:25:40,870 You're going to have to watch these people all the time, Mr Loomis. 462 00:25:40,870 --> 00:25:42,382 I hope you're a multitasker. 463 00:25:42,382 --> 00:25:44,841 Mr Shore, I think you're exaggerating. 464 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,301 No, I'm just welcoming us all to 1984. 465 00:25:47,336 --> 00:25:48,930 The bus arrived a little late, 466 00:25:48,930 --> 00:25:51,558 and our tour guide George Orwell is good and dead, 467 00:25:51,558 --> 00:25:55,040 but nonetheless we made it, and big brother Loomis is watching us. 468 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:55,938 Objection. 469 00:25:55,973 --> 00:25:59,306 Nothing further, that is, if it's okay with Mr Loomis. 470 00:26:13,101 --> 00:26:14,601 I, um… 471 00:26:17,106 --> 00:26:20,547 I drafted a memo for you regarding the partnership agreement. 472 00:26:20,547 --> 00:26:21,932 Thank you. 473 00:26:21,967 --> 00:26:24,452 As a second topic, 474 00:26:24,487 --> 00:26:29,197 I'm not saying this firm is about to dissolve, but if it did… 475 00:26:29,232 --> 00:26:30,054 Hypothetically. 476 00:26:30,054 --> 00:26:38,022 If it did, would you be interested in breaking off and setting up your own firm with someone? 477 00:26:38,057 --> 00:26:43,173 Someone & Bauer would probably be the name on the door. 478 00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:49,204 Um, I would certainly have to think about that, hypothetically. 479 00:26:49,239 --> 00:26:56,094 Well, that's all I could ask, if I were asking. 480 00:26:59,922 --> 00:27:00,890 There you are. 481 00:27:00,925 --> 00:27:01,859 Here I am. 482 00:27:04,276 --> 00:27:05,278 How's your case? 483 00:27:05,313 --> 00:27:06,814 Not over. 484 00:27:06,934 --> 00:27:09,523 How are your various enterprises? 485 00:27:09,558 --> 00:27:11,548 You mean Bev. 486 00:27:11,583 --> 00:27:16,329 Everyone here thinks my situation upstairs is clouding my judgment, 487 00:27:16,364 --> 00:27:19,548 that only an idiot would want to stay with her. 488 00:27:19,583 --> 00:27:23,541 Everyone in love is something of an idiot. 489 00:27:27,028 --> 00:27:29,656 This might get ugly, Denny. 490 00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:32,521 It may have already. 491 00:27:32,556 --> 00:27:35,351 And I don't care. 492 00:27:36,203 --> 00:27:38,922 At a certain age, Alan, 493 00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:41,342 you'll find it extraordinary the compromises 494 00:27:41,342 --> 00:27:46,198 one is willing to make for even the possibility of love. 495 00:27:50,934 --> 00:27:55,452 Increased globalization, megacorporations. 496 00:27:55,487 --> 00:27:57,856 How can a small businessman compete? 497 00:27:57,891 --> 00:28:00,191 Two ways. He must offer a unique, 498 00:28:00,226 --> 00:28:05,006 terrific product or service, and he must keep costs down. 499 00:28:05,041 --> 00:28:08,097 Now Kurt Loomis runs a first-rate escrow company, 500 00:28:08,132 --> 00:28:10,394 and he wants to do right by his employees 501 00:28:10,394 --> 00:28:12,090 by offering them health insurance, 502 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:16,090 but if he doesn't keep his biggest expense in check, health care, 503 00:28:16,125 --> 00:28:17,430 he loses everything. 504 00:28:17,465 --> 00:28:21,726 So he instituted a very strict no-smoking policy. 505 00:28:21,761 --> 00:28:26,012 Now Mr Loomis is not only reducing his business costs, 506 00:28:26,047 --> 00:28:31,442 he's also helping his employees who smoke by giving them motivation to quit. 507 00:28:31,477 --> 00:28:33,850 Now Joan Zeder knew the company policy. 508 00:28:33,885 --> 00:28:36,553 She was given ample time to quit smoking, 509 00:28:36,588 --> 00:28:39,222 and she knew she'd be fired if she didn't, 510 00:28:39,257 --> 00:28:43,111 but she chose cigarettes over her job 511 00:28:43,146 --> 00:28:45,895 and because Ms Zeder is an at-will employee, 512 00:28:45,930 --> 00:28:48,696 Mr Loomis had a legal right to fire her. 513 00:28:48,731 --> 00:28:52,362 And as to what smoking is doing to her health, 514 00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:55,994 she can read the warning label on the pack. 515 00:29:00,191 --> 00:29:03,866 The great Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw 516 00:29:03,901 --> 00:29:07,507 had a rather jaundiced view of our country. 517 00:29:07,542 --> 00:29:13,553 Shaw said that while our Constitution was set up to prevent political dictatorship, 518 00:29:13,588 --> 00:29:18,335 in doing so, we established a society where every ward boss is a dictator, 519 00:29:18,370 --> 00:29:22,306 every financier a dictator, every private employer a dictator, 520 00:29:22,341 --> 00:29:26,309 all with the livelihood of the workers at their mercy. 521 00:29:26,344 --> 00:29:29,997 Well, if Mr Loomis wants to emulate Mussolini 522 00:29:30,032 --> 00:29:33,812 in how he treats his employees at the office, that's one thing, 523 00:29:33,818 --> 00:29:37,534 but Joan Zeder's actions at work have always been commendable. 524 00:29:37,534 --> 00:29:41,952 Mr Loomis also declared himself emperor over Ms Zeder in her home. 525 00:29:41,987 --> 00:29:46,371 There he found her smoking, something which is not against the law, 526 00:29:46,406 --> 00:29:48,426 which is, in fact, none of his business, 527 00:29:48,426 --> 00:29:50,115 but he fired her anyway. 528 00:29:50,150 --> 00:29:52,898 Shouldn't we be able to have private lives 529 00:29:52,933 --> 00:29:55,300 that aren't governed by the people we work for? 530 00:29:55,300 --> 00:30:01,989 My God, I cannot believe I just asked that question in an American courtroom. 531 00:30:02,024 --> 00:30:04,844 My head may explode. 532 00:30:04,879 --> 00:30:07,999 Your honor, the right to privacy, 533 00:30:08,034 --> 00:30:12,616 as you well know, is guaranteed under our Constitution, 534 00:30:12,651 --> 00:30:15,318 but now, thanks to our current supreme court, 535 00:30:15,318 --> 00:30:18,388 that right is flickering like a candle in the wind, 536 00:30:18,423 --> 00:30:20,582 and the breeze is picking up. 537 00:30:20,617 --> 00:30:24,376 But justice Scalia and his ilk aren't judging this case. 538 00:30:24,411 --> 00:30:26,104 You are. 539 00:30:26,139 --> 00:30:29,961 And at what point will we say, will you say, 540 00:30:29,996 --> 00:30:33,341 that provided we do not violate the law, 541 00:30:33,376 --> 00:30:39,654 other people cannot dictate what we do in the privacy of our own homes? 542 00:30:40,585 --> 00:30:45,932 Your honor, when you consider this case in the privacy of your chambers 543 00:30:45,967 --> 00:30:51,532 where no police or lawyers or Loomis may enter, 544 00:30:51,567 --> 00:30:57,156 please think about the dying gasps of our precious right to privacy 545 00:30:57,191 --> 00:31:02,997 and what our lives might be like if it actually passes away. 546 00:31:38,929 --> 00:31:43,035 Conference room. I'm putting this thing to bed. 547 00:31:53,729 --> 00:31:55,262 It's high. 548 00:31:55,297 --> 00:31:57,218 It could have been much higher. 549 00:31:57,253 --> 00:31:58,743 Denny, you want to take a look at this? 550 00:31:58,743 --> 00:31:59,899 No need. 551 00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:02,409 Here's our counteroffer. Two words. 552 00:32:02,444 --> 00:32:04,599 Well, maybe three. 553 00:32:05,152 --> 00:32:08,031 “Barbara's built-ins.” 554 00:32:10,363 --> 00:32:12,417 Can Denny and I please have the room? 555 00:32:12,417 --> 00:32:13,690 Bev… 556 00:32:13,691 --> 00:32:17,775 It's all right. I've got it. 557 00:32:32,499 --> 00:32:33,816 So what do you know? 558 00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:37,471 “Barbara's built-ins, only the best”. 559 00:32:37,506 --> 00:32:42,028 You marketed to old people in retirement homes in and around Boca raton. 560 00:32:42,063 --> 00:32:46,551 You sold built-ins for television sets and built-ins for dishwashers, 561 00:32:46,586 --> 00:32:50,164 built-ins for microwaves, but you never built them in. 562 00:32:50,199 --> 00:32:53,090 That's not true. I did some lovely work. 563 00:32:53,125 --> 00:32:57,297 I always meant to finish the jobs that people had contracted me for, but I… 564 00:32:57,297 --> 00:33:01,435 I had a cash flow problem, and it made more sense financially to just… 565 00:33:01,435 --> 00:33:04,761 To rob the geezers and skip town. 566 00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:10,170 How long have you known? 567 00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:11,787 Since our third date. 568 00:33:11,788 --> 00:33:15,254 Whenever I make love to a woman more than twice, I have her investigated. 569 00:33:15,254 --> 00:33:17,951 But, Denny, since you knew my history, 570 00:33:17,986 --> 00:33:22,561 why, why didn't you have me sign a pre-nup? 571 00:33:22,596 --> 00:33:24,649 Because I loved you. 572 00:33:25,606 --> 00:33:28,203 And when you can send someone to jail with a phone call, 573 00:33:28,203 --> 00:33:29,729 there's your pre-nup. 574 00:33:29,764 --> 00:33:32,911 Well, you know, I still could have you audited. 575 00:33:34,714 --> 00:33:37,151 Stalemate. 576 00:33:37,186 --> 00:33:39,553 Exactly. 577 00:33:39,588 --> 00:33:42,818 And you know why it's a stalemate? 578 00:33:42,853 --> 00:33:45,460 Because we're so much alike. 579 00:33:45,495 --> 00:33:50,448 The fact that we have something on each other means we belong together. 580 00:33:50,483 --> 00:33:55,579 Our love is a fairy tale written by real people. 581 00:33:55,614 --> 00:34:00,595 All I'm saying is, even after all this, 582 00:34:00,630 --> 00:34:05,475 I'd like to make it work. 583 00:34:07,816 --> 00:34:09,871 Denny… 584 00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:13,327 I love you. 585 00:34:14,545 --> 00:34:20,175 But I love Hawaii more. 586 00:34:25,177 --> 00:34:31,677 Well, you'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane. 587 00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:35,908 Which that makes you, uh, 588 00:34:35,943 --> 00:34:42,959 a large fish in a very small pond. 589 00:34:46,533 --> 00:34:52,056 Mr Shore, I believe in the right to privacy that you so passionately defended, 590 00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:55,898 and I believe that when Mr Loomis fired Ms Zeder for actions 591 00:34:55,933 --> 00:34:59,453 that in no way affected her performance at work, 592 00:34:59,488 --> 00:35:01,528 he acted unreasonably, 593 00:35:01,563 --> 00:35:03,534 but unfortunately, 594 00:35:03,569 --> 00:35:07,736 the law doesn't require Mr Loomis to be reasonable. 595 00:35:07,771 --> 00:35:10,146 Therefore, there is nothing I can do. 596 00:35:10,181 --> 00:35:14,124 I am granting the motion to dismiss. Court is adjourned. 597 00:35:16,312 --> 00:35:18,021 What? 598 00:35:18,056 --> 00:35:20,858 I'm sorry, Joan. 599 00:35:25,431 --> 00:35:29,172 We can always appeal this, Joan, and in the meantime, find you a new job. 600 00:35:29,172 --> 00:35:30,475 New job? 601 00:35:30,510 --> 00:35:33,830 Alan, I'm a smoker, an evil, villainous smoker. 602 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:35,059 If I go on a job interview, 603 00:35:35,059 --> 00:35:38,603 and I'm honest. I tell them I have a 2-pack-a-day habit, that's it. 604 00:35:38,603 --> 00:35:40,764 Liability, leper. 605 00:35:40,799 --> 00:35:44,269 Yeah, no, this is a new world order, Alan. 606 00:35:44,304 --> 00:35:49,138 I am just a cog and, I've got to find a way to fit in. 607 00:35:49,173 --> 00:35:53,972 I've got to find a way to quit, even if it kills me. 608 00:35:58,622 --> 00:36:00,847 You know what I'm gonna miss most about smoking? 609 00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:03,562 It's like, you work your ass off all day. People screaming at you. 610 00:36:03,562 --> 00:36:04,881 “Where's my this? Where's my that?” 611 00:36:04,881 --> 00:36:08,528 “Why you haven't you answered my e-mail that I sent you seven seconds ago?” 612 00:36:08,528 --> 00:36:11,492 And in all that chaos, all that frenzy, 613 00:36:11,527 --> 00:36:14,457 smoking was more than a habit. It was… 614 00:36:14,492 --> 00:36:16,732 it was a place to go 615 00:36:16,767 --> 00:36:19,442 where I could just shut out the rest of the world 616 00:36:19,442 --> 00:36:27,190 and find a little square bit of time and peace for me, 617 00:36:27,225 --> 00:36:30,142 just a little bit. 618 00:36:30,177 --> 00:36:33,024 That sounds perfect. 619 00:36:33,059 --> 00:36:37,992 If I may suggest an alternate habit, intercourse. 620 00:36:38,027 --> 00:36:38,560 What? 621 00:36:38,595 --> 00:36:41,645 I find it just as relaxing, 622 00:36:41,646 --> 00:36:44,964 that break in the day or several times 623 00:36:44,999 --> 00:36:48,282 when you shut the rest of the world out, 624 00:36:48,317 --> 00:36:50,263 breathing in the moment, 625 00:36:50,298 --> 00:36:52,576 feeling it run through your body, 626 00:36:52,611 --> 00:36:55,707 that nice high in the end, 627 00:36:55,742 --> 00:36:58,804 much like a cigarette. 628 00:36:59,891 --> 00:37:04,837 Was, uh, was that a proposition? 629 00:37:05,455 --> 00:37:07,634 Not really. 630 00:37:07,669 --> 00:37:10,042 But if, as a friend, you ever need any assistance, 631 00:37:10,042 --> 00:37:16,333 whenever you feel like having a smoke, just call me instead. 632 00:37:16,782 --> 00:37:18,782 Thanks, Alan. 633 00:37:19,348 --> 00:37:24,090 An agreement has been reached on the matter of Crane vs Crane. 634 00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:29,280 I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii. She will accept. 635 00:37:29,315 --> 00:37:32,356 Marriage is dissolved. 636 00:37:34,356 --> 00:37:36,657 Mrs Crane, I think we should consider our options… 637 00:37:36,657 --> 00:37:41,559 We're done, Eli. We're done. 638 00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:46,365 Look me up if you're ever on the big island. 639 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,205 I am the big island. 640 00:37:52,388 --> 00:37:54,153 Come on. 641 00:38:05,064 --> 00:38:06,444 Brad. 642 00:38:08,517 --> 00:38:11,071 I really couldn't have fired you by myself. 643 00:38:11,071 --> 00:38:12,312 Yes, you could have. 644 00:38:12,347 --> 00:38:13,554 Yes, I could have. 645 00:38:13,555 --> 00:38:15,558 But sometimes people say things they don't really mean, 646 00:38:15,558 --> 00:38:18,615 like “I love you” or “you're fired,” 647 00:38:18,650 --> 00:38:21,931 so I really want you to stay with the firm. 648 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:25,211 While everyone was whining about Bev, 649 00:38:25,246 --> 00:38:27,960 you actually tried to take her out. I admire that. 650 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,832 You have very large testicles, my friend. 651 00:38:31,867 --> 00:38:35,748 Well, thank you, Denny. I'm flattered you have that opinion of me. 652 00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:37,412 It's not my opinion. 653 00:38:37,447 --> 00:38:39,869 I saw you in the shower at the gym. 654 00:38:39,904 --> 00:38:42,690 Good God! 655 00:39:13,690 --> 00:39:17,529 You know the best part of my marriages has always been the first day. 656 00:39:17,529 --> 00:39:20,726 Just married, a grand thing. 657 00:39:20,761 --> 00:39:23,497 But for me there was nothing more 658 00:39:23,532 --> 00:39:28,611 devastatingly lonely than being married for a while. 659 00:39:29,602 --> 00:39:32,813 You never talk about your wife. 660 00:39:33,431 --> 00:39:35,799 What was she like? 661 00:39:37,369 --> 00:39:41,776 She had all the most delectable qualities one could hope for, 662 00:39:41,811 --> 00:39:46,862 creativity, desire, zealotry, 663 00:39:46,897 --> 00:39:49,466 a gorgeous clavicle, 664 00:39:49,501 --> 00:39:52,057 healthy lack of inhibition. 665 00:39:52,092 --> 00:39:55,676 Sounds spectacular. What happened? 666 00:39:55,938 --> 00:39:58,654 She began… 667 00:40:01,097 --> 00:40:05,547 to know me too well, and I began to hate her for it. 668 00:40:05,582 --> 00:40:09,998 Even when I was unpredictable, she'd predict it. 669 00:40:10,033 --> 00:40:12,817 For those of us who aspire to be original, 670 00:40:12,852 --> 00:40:18,486 it's the worst sort of banality. 671 00:40:20,026 --> 00:40:22,483 She died. 672 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:29,410 I've missed that banality ever since. 673 00:40:37,799 --> 00:40:40,277 I wonder if sometimes I get remarried 674 00:40:40,312 --> 00:40:43,115 just to have someone listen to my stories again. 675 00:40:43,115 --> 00:40:44,314 That's a terrible reason. 676 00:40:44,314 --> 00:40:48,493 Someone with that admiring look in their eye. 677 00:40:49,645 --> 00:40:51,691 Yes. 678 00:40:59,525 --> 00:41:03,660 Denny, they're doing some sort of renovations at my hotel. 679 00:41:03,695 --> 00:41:08,181 They start at dawn and make a horrendous racket. 680 00:41:08,216 --> 00:41:10,959 It wakes me up. I can't get back to sleep. 681 00:41:10,994 --> 00:41:13,974 It's always something with you. 682 00:41:14,009 --> 00:41:16,954 Night terrors, clowns, renovation. 683 00:41:17,396 --> 00:41:22,769 I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place. 684 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,570 How long is the renovation gonna take? 685 00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:28,463 They won't say. 686 00:41:30,894 --> 00:41:32,938 Well… 687 00:41:35,541 --> 00:41:38,649 Stay as long as you need. 688 00:41:39,478 --> 00:41:41,310 Thanks. 688 00:41:42,305 --> 00:41:48,464 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org