Previously on Boston Legal.
I was a drug addict. I needed my father, and you abandoned me.
- Who is this? - Your granddaughter.
[ Man ] Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Denny Crane.
- Denny? - Bev has hired an army oflawyers to gut this firm.
An agreement has been reached on the matter of Crane versus Crane.
I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii.
You'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane.
- Look me up if you're ever on the Big Island. - I am the big island.
Denny, they're doing some sort of renovations at my hotel.
- I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place. - Stay as long as you need.
[ Woman On Television ] Twenty-five percent of married couples...
which, to me, is a very large number...
- do not sleep in the same bed. - [ Knocking ]
- [ Door Opens ] - [ Alan ] Denny,you ready to go?
- They say it has nothing to do with not being compatible. - [ Alan ] Denny?
You want to get a good night's rest.
Denny, you must go to work. It's hump day, your favorite day.
I don't have a favorite anything anymore.
Listen, I understand the need to retreat into oneself after a failed love affair...
but you haven't gone to work in three days.
You've been in that bed for two.
You're drinking... scotch at 9:00 in the morning.
And most disturbingly, you're watching The View.
Leave me alone.
Hey, hey, hey! Same team!
- Same team! - Consider this an intervention.
It's no use, Alan. Nothing interests me anymore.
Construction worker Russell Blayney...
arrested for attempted murder for setting a booby trap in his home to catch burglars.
Miguel Dominguez allegedly broke into Blayney's house...
and received a reported 50,000 volts of electricity through his body...
paralyzing him from the waist down.
And leaving us all with the question.Russell Blayney...
- victim or vigilante? - [ Man On TV] Thank you, Ross, for that report.
That case. I want that case.
I see your bliss is back as well.
Your Honor, the Commonwealth moves that bail be denied.
Mr. Blayney is charged with attempted murder and is an obvious flight risk.
- If I may, my client-- - Your Honor, I need a moment with my client.
- You don't have a client here, Mr. Crane. - Count to 10,Judge.
Mr. Blayney, do you know who I am?
Yeah, you're Denny Crane. I've seen you on Larry King. You're famous.
So, who would you rather have as your attorney? Me or, uh...
''Hacky McGuilty Verdict'' here?
- I've faced him before. You'd rather have him. - Don't feel bad, son.
- Takes a big man to recognize a bigger man. - We're waiting, Mr. Crane.
Uh, I move for a continuance, Your Honor.
I just got the case.
- [ Funk ] - [ Man Vocalizing ]
[ Continues ]
[ Ends ]
Shirley, first thing in the morning. Haven't even had my coffee.
Normally I'd make a witty retort about caffeine and your aging reproductive system.
But not today, Alan. I have a problem.
Carl Hauser died this week.
The photographer?
I knew him years ago. We hadn't been in touch for some time.
- But, well, he's dead. - I'm sorry.
I met Carl when I was a sophomore at Wellesley.
I spent the summer in Manhattan, and we met in the West Village.
He was this amazing, fascinating man...
and he told me I was very pretty...
and I did some modeling for him.
Please tell me this is going where I think it's going.
Yeah, it is. Carl took some very tasteful black-and-white nudes of me.
I am so disappointed in you, Shirley. ''Tasteful''?
There's going to be an estate auction...
and I want you to find a way to block the sale of those photographs.
How many pictures are we talking about?
I think there were 15, maybe 20--
- That's not so many. - rolls of film that he used.
I am so glad I came into work today.
Down, boy. This is serious.
Carl promised me that he wouldn't show the photographs to anyone.
However, I signed a standard release...
saying that he could show them to... everyone.
Why are you so worried about this, Shirley?
You were young. Young people do all sorts of things.
And now you wear clothes to the office every single day.
Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan, I like my privacy.
Maybe I'll want to be a federal judge someday.
And being a named partner at a prestigious law firm--
[ Chuckles ] well, it's not good for business.
I'll give you my best effort.
Of course, at some point...
I will have to examine the evidence thoroughly.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
Oh, here we are.
- Oh, sorry we're late. - No problem.
Fiona, say hello to Grandpa.
- Hi, Paw-Paw. - [ Chuckles ] Hi.
- Hello, sweetheart. - I guess you're Paw-Paw from now on.
Well, that's one of the nicest names I've ever been called.
We were almost out the door. She insisted on wearing the red cowboy boots.
I finally said okay. Then we could only find one.
- We found the other one on top of the refrigerator. - Oh!
It's pointless to ask how it got on the refrigerator. You just grab it and go.
I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some hot chocolate.
- [ Rachel ] Oh, thanks so much. - [ Both Laugh ]
We can just stay a second. It's Fiona's first day at Happy Duck Day Care.
- Ah. Is that a good place? - Oh, don't let the cheesy name fool you. They're great.
I went to so many places. I had a checklist I used.
Ah, yeah, here it is.
Ah, let's see what we have here.
''Child care questions. Are they licensed and monitored?
''Do they afford opportunities for both active and quiet play?
''Is the staff trained in C.P.R.?
- Do the kids appear happy?'' - [ Laughs ]
- Rachel, this is a very thorough list. - She's my daughter.
- Where are my keys? - It's in your pocket.
- Yeah. Here they are. - [ Paul ] Ah.
Dad, in all the cowboy boot madness this morning, I--
I lost my A.T.M. card somewhere.
- You think you could lend me 40 bucks? - Uh, no problem.
You know, um, Rachel, uh, if you're in a hurry...
to get to work, I can drop Fiona off at, uh, Happy Duck, is it?
Oh, thanks. We'll make it okay.
Fiona, we have to go. Thank Paw-Paw for your hot chocolate.
- Thanks, Paw-Paw, for my chocolate. - You're very welcome.
- Thanks, Dad. - Bye, darling.
- See ya. - Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Fiona. [ Chuckles ]
Bye-bye.
By your look, it's not good.
I believe Rachel's using again.
She's back on crystal meth.
What proof do you have?
We were supposed to meet at 8:00.
Coffee shop near her apartment.
She showed up 20 minutes late with Fiona in tow.
She was harried, disorganized. She couldn't find her keys.
Paul, you have just described every single working mother in America.
Then she asked to borrow $40.
Crystal meth users live their lives...
in $40 increments, cash.
Paul, this is a very serious accusation...
and you need to be absolutely certain before you make it.
I know.
If I'm right and I do nothing, Fiona could be in danger.
If I act and I'm wrong...
Rachel will never speak to me again and she'll cut me out forever.
- What do I do? - You've lived through a lot with Rachel...
and this relationship you're developing with her now is very new.
You might want to ask yourself...
if your history with Rachel's drug use is causing you to overreact.
Just think about it.
You, blondie. You're on my team.
If you've seen the news, you know what a travesty this is.
A man arrested for defending his own home.
It's a farce. Not the funny kind. This is one serious farce.
May I ask what we're pleading? It seems self-defense--
Don't like that kind of thinking. Defensive thought.
We've gotta strike first, preempt 'em. What did they say in the news?
''Victim or vigilante?'' It's neither. This is Russell Blayney, hero.
- You want to try this case in the press? - Exactly.
I want to grab the public's...
attention with a story, a character, narrative.
We have to create our own reality.
You, young punk, you must know computers.
Set up a Web site, one of those blogs-- ''Justice for Russell Blayney.''
And you, Denise, you'll be my second. You look good on camera.
Carl Hauser's widow's here.
Straightforward standard release Carl used for all his models.
Lifetime of papers and contracts and you managed to find mine. God bless the organized.
- And there's no mistaking your signature. - Oh!
I'm so sorry. It's just here you are.
- I may cry. - He loves art.
Marguerite, I'm sorry, but your husband was an adult...
a famous man of the world...
and I was an immature kid who did not understand the document she was signing.
There was no meeting of the minds here.
So this contract, I'm afraid, is not binding.
- As I recall, it wasn't your minds that met. - [ Chuckles ]
If you were old enough to screw my husband...
you were old enough to understand what you were signing.
Your husband talked me into doing quite a few things I didn't understand.
Tell me, why should I do something nice for you?
And don't say because you did something nice for my husband.
What do you intend to do with the photos?
Half of Carl's collection is already promised to the Museum of Modern Art in New York.
I intend to auction off the other half, including those photos.
Your pictures will be going on the block.
I need a favor, a very important, very personal favor.
- Of course. - After an extended absence...
I have recently reconnected with my daughter, Rachel...
and I've learned that I have a beautiful granddaughter named Fiona.
Congratulations, Paul.
My daughter is a drug addict.
Or at least she was. She says she's clean now, but I have my suspicions.
If she is using again, then my granddaughter could be in danger.
My specialty isn't family law, but what I know--
No, no. You misunderstand. I don't want your legal advice.
I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again.
Brad, if this year has taught me anything...
it's that you will get the job done by any means necessary.
I would never ask this of you unless it was essential.
Absolutely. I'll do what I can.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
- [ Knocking ] - [ Door Opens ]
- What have you got? - The 26th Amendment.
Carl Hauser was taking naked pictures of me, not denying me the vote.
The 26th Amendment, which not only extended the right to vote to 18-year-olds...
but also persuaded the states to grant them status as adults...
was ratified in 1971 .
The photos were taken in 1966...
which, by the way, is my new favorite year.
[ Laughs ] And now mine as well.
I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement.
I was legally a minor...
and therefore can repudiate the contract.
And I am an idiot. Why didn't I think of this sooner?
I'm going to credit karma or Freud.
Either way, it's because I was destined to discover and revel in...
the natural wonders of all that is you.
Uh, excuse me. I'm looking for some books on addiction and recovery.
Uh, yeah. They're in the self-help section right over there.
Thanks. Uh, is there, you know, one book that's better than the others?
This way.
This one has some good advice on the early stages when you're detoxing...
and all that wonderful stuff.
And this one is really good for that time right after you've stopped...
when you're trying to figure out how to put your life back together.
Well, you know a lot about this.
Well, clean five years, three months and seven days.
It's hard. But when you're ready, you can get there.
- Thanks. - Sure.
Uh, what time do you get off work?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not coming on to you. I was just hoping we could talk some more.
I've sort of run out of people to talk to.
I get off at 7:00.
- Thanks. - Sure. I'm Rachel.
I'm Brad. Pleased to meet you.
- You're buying those, right? - Oh, right. Right.
I, uh-- I hang Sheetrock, mostly for industrial buildings.
A craftsman. He works with his hands. Write that down.
What else?
I live alone.Jamaica Plain. My ex-wife left me the house. It's not a bad neighborhood.
But it does border one. And it's vulnerable...
because I have those old-fashioned lever windows.
I can't afford an alarm system. I've been broken into four times in the last two years.
Drug addicts. They take everything.
They took my TV, my bike, my power tools, my guitar--
Musician. He writes the songs-- [ Mumbles ]
Uh, but what finally did it for me was when I was building an end table for my father...
for his television remote, his nebulizer, because he has, uh, some asthma.
And I'm halfway done, and some guy breaks into the house...
and he-- and he steals my table saw.
My table saw! I mean, that was it.
That--That was all I could take. I'm not into guns.
Don't write that down.
But I, uh-- I knew that I-- I had to do something...
so that's when I rigged up my little system.
Just a little jolt. You know, send 'em a little shock.
- Tell us what happened that night. You were at home? - Yeah. I was awake actually.
I was putting dishes away in the dishwasher and I heard some noise on the porch.
And I thought, ''Here we go. This is it.'' So I moved into the living room.
- So you saw him? - Yeah. He was looking through the window.
- He was a big wetback, you know? - Latino.
Drug addict. He was completely high.
I could see it in his eyes, even from inside the house.
- And then what happened? - Well, he-- he starts for the window.
Now, I don't know if you've ever seen anyone on crystal meth...
or acid or, I don't know, whatever this guy was on.
But, you know, they're big and they're ugly, and they feel like they're invincible.
So he starts trying to pry open the window with a screwdriver or something.
And, uh, well, that was it.
[ Grunts ]
[ Chuckles ] The electricity went up the screwdriver into his body.
- He-- He completed the circuit. - Sounds horrible.
Honestly, you know, it wasn't. I mean, watching this guy, it was--
It was like watching every guy who broke into my house over the years...
and took from me-- stole my stuff.
I mean, he was just getting what he deserved, right?
Let me tell you the most unbelievable thing. Did you know that when you get electrocuted...
you know, your blood literally boils right inside the veins?
That's how the electricity flows through your body, through your veins.
And so here's this guy. He's a wetback.
But I could see his veins are glowing through his skin...
as he was being charred from the inside out.
And I-- I could smell his flesh burning, which was weird.
It smelled like a roast...
a well-deserved cooked roast.
That's when I,you know, finally turned off the electricity.
When he was good and done.
So much for putting our hero on the stand.
Oh, he's on the stand all right.
Denny, with all due respect...
the man was practically wearing a bib with a knife and fork in each hand...
- as he was telling that story. - Denise, never give up an option.
The man was alit with passion, the kind of passion that moves juries.
- So? - So we tell his story.
Not necessarily all his story, but the part we want to tell.
We're the ones creating the narrative.
- Are you kidding? - Were you kidding about wanting to get straight?
No.
[ Man ] Thank you, Patrick. Keep comin'back, buddy.
Um, are there any other new members here today?
Brad? Would you like to share?
Uh, no. I'm new.
It'll make you feel better.
Right, uh--
- Hi, uh-- - Say your name.
- I'm Brad. I'm a drug addict. - Hi, Brad.
I'm not used to talking in public.
Well, actually I am. Just not talking about myself.
Wow. You're just going to let me keep going.
Okay. I was in the Marine Corps...
during the first Gulf War, Operation Desert Storm.
February 24, 1991, I was a lieutenant in the Second Reconnaissance Battalion...
of the First Marine Expeditionary Force.
And under enemy mortar, artillery and small-arms fire...
we breached mine fields, trenches, barbed wire, and disabled six enemy divisions.
By the morning of the 28th, 100 hours after the ground operations had begun...
our coalition forces had destroyed 42 enemy divisions.
That's the bulk of the Iraqi army in the Kuwaiti theater of operations.
So, then I started using drugs.
Denny,you're shiny and in a wedge.
My team, Alan.
I'm back and I'm feeling it.
I realized a truth about myself.
I just love... power.
It seems to have a thing for you as well.
It's my natural state. It's my homeostasis.
Don't read anything into that remark.
I already did.
[ Group ] God, grant me the serenity...
to accept the things I cannot change...
the courage to change the things I can...
and the wisdom to know the difference.
It works if you work it, so work it!
See ya soon.
- Good-bye. - [ Group Chattering ]
- That was wonderful. - Thank you.
- [ Man ] Take care of yourself. - [ Woman ] I sure will.
[ Chattering Continues ]
- That was a nice story. - Uh, thanks.
Too bad it was a lie.
I won the war, then started using?
I've been coming to these meetings every day for five years.
If you didn't want to share your problems, you should've just passed.
Oh. Well, sharing's not really my thing.
It's probably just how I was raised.
- Doesn't mean you can't change. I was raised the same way. - Really?
Yeah. My mother was warm, but my father...
kept every emotion tightly tucked away in his suit pocket, right next to his watch.
- It's not always that easy to open up. - Ah, but it is.
You just say what's on your mind.
Instead, my dad-- always the attorney.
He'djust sit back and play little games...
ferreting out information with these obtuse questions.
And on the rare occasion when he would open up and talk to me...
he wasn't happy unless I told him what he wanted to hear.
You know, being him-- I think it's a hard way to live.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry--
- Buy me a cup of coffee, and I might forgive you. - Great.
And therefore, at age 19, Ms. Schmidt was in fact a minor.
There was no parental consent here, so, in essence...
your husband was illegally taking nude photographs of an underage girl.
You make a legitimate argument, Mr. Shore.
Not my favorite kind, but I'm glad to play for that team when necessary.
You can certainly take us to court and fight this battle with that argument.
- We will if we have to. - However, I believe your goal...
was to get these photos out of the public eye.
I'm afraid, with a court battle-- a very public court battle--
these photos could find their way to the press.
Before that could happen, of course, we'd ask the court...
to seal all exhibits and issue an appropriate gag order to prevent disclosure.
And you'd win, but you know what? Thanks to the Internet, winning doesn't matter anymore.
These photos could somehow find their way onto the Web and all around the world.
And then where would you be?
Marguerite.
[ Shirley ] Marguerite.
Oh, I'll be right out.
Alan.
I'm sorry.
- Thank you. - Marguerite.
Those pictures.
I have grandchildren.
The thought of them seeing those photographs--
I understand.
I'm sorry.
Your Honor, Mr. Dominguez's prior burglary convictions and history of drug abuse...
have no bearing on whether the defendant improperly electrified his home.
Nonsense. This felon was higher than a kite when he got zapped.
He has six prior convictions for larceny, burglary, grand theft auto.
- Of course it's relevant. - The prejudicial effect of the victim's criminal activity--
Your Honor, my client is the victim here.
clearly outweighs any probative value such evidence would have for the jury.
Enough. Mr. Ginsberg is right.
The evidence is highly prejudicial and will be barred at trial.
Mr. Crane, you may not bring up Mr. Dominguez's prior bad acts...
unless the door to impeachment has been opened.
[ Clamoring ]
Before answering any questions...
I want to thank my client, Miguel Dominguez...
for bravely agreeing to be here today.
Mr. Dominguez suffers from severe paralysis...
and a host of other debilitating symptoms...
as the result of his electrocution.
Nevertheless, he is here today to stand up for all of us...
to help in the fight to make our country a safer place--
a place where citizens do not take the law into their own hands.
Mr. Dominguez is an inspiration to his community.
He is a hero.
Thank you.
That bastard stole my story.
- What about branding? - I haven't branded yet.
- No branding? - [ Murmuring ]
- Denny. - Denny.
Uh, Denise Bauer, Candy Springtime. Public relations.
- Hello. - Hi.
She's with Shirling Thompson, the same firm the government uses, so you know she's good.
Denise, we're rolling out a new campaign to take back the story on Mr. Blayney.
- Yeah--Take back the story? - Denny tells me that you haven't branded him yet.
So I took the initiative and created a brand.
Russell Blayney-- American homeowner.
American homeowner?
- Simple. It's to the point. - And cozy.
Say it for me, Denny. Press conference voice.
Russell Blayney, American homeowner. Wait a minute.
American homeowner Russell Blayney. See? It works both ways. Versatile.
But do we really think that we need to label Mr. Blayney?
Denny?
Uh, Denise. Rodney King.
Rodney King. Uh--
Severely beaten by the police over 10 years ago.
See? You remember. Why? Branding.
They didn't call him Rodney King-- wife beater, alcohol abuser...
who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk.
They called him Rodney King, motorist. Or motorist Rodney King.
Brings to mind images of a jaunty man...
in a riding hat and cap in a Model ''T.''
That's what we want. Russell Blayney, American homeowner.
- Not Russell Blayney, eats 'em broiled, baked or fried. - But Rodney King was beaten.
Okay. Now this is just a mock-up.
Obviously, we will replace Jimmy Stewart with Mr. Blayney.
But the banner can and should be behind you every press conference, Denny.
Notice I used the same font as ''Mission Accomplished.''
Americans are comfortable with that font.
We will send B-roll of Mr. Blayney to the press...
working in his garage, using his table saw, working with his power tools--
fixing things around the house.
And as far as the talking points-- Keep it simple, Denny.
Speak of the opposition as ''the drug-crazed intruder''...
the incident as ''the harrowing home invasion.''
I know you're tight with Larry King, but we are negotiating...
with Nightline, Hardball, and The Daily Show.
[ Inhales Sharply ] That's good!
That is where most Americans get their news.
- There's no way we're gonna win this, is there? - Legally--yes, there is.
As for accomplishing your goals-- no.
But when you have occasion to ask for my help, Shirley...
typically, it's not really legal help you're looking for.
I'll assume this is no exception.
Alan, I've already caused Marguerite Hauser as much pain as I care to.
I'll leave the creativity to you. Just don't hurt her.
America's under siege.
Not from Saddam or pro-terrorists...
but from namby-pamby pro-burglary advocates...
who want to strip us of the right to protect what's ours.
- That's what our-- - Looks like Denny's being Denny.
He's ''creating the reality.''
I doubt many people would want to live in Denny's reality.
All I know is there are two rotten guys in this case...
and both sides are trying to make theirs as the hero.
If you've got a problem with this case...
I suggest you talk to the guy whose name is on the door.
I'm not naive, Paul. I know this kind of manipulation goes on all the time.
But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor.
Oh,yes,you are. We all are.
That's what attorneys do-- tell stories, create characters, capture an audience...
try and make 'em feel what we want 'em to feel.
That's good lawyering.
Only these days, everybody's trying to get in on our act--
the government, corporations.
There are no facts anymore, kiddo, only good or bad fiction.
Which story... do you plan to sell the jury?
Don't you worry.
This case will never go to trial.
Mr. Shore, with all due respect, you are on our last nerve.
You said you had an intriguing offer.
- Get to it. - Delighted.
First, how about we ask all the lawyers to leave the room?
- You're a lawyer. - Okay.
How about all the lawyers who aren't me?
- [ Laughing ] - [ Half Chuckle ]
Here it is then.
Simply put, it's Shirley Schmidt.
As much as I admire and respect her...
if I don't resolve this case...
I'm afraid she'll get nervous and fall back on old habits.
She'll call in the old guard, one of the cronies in Banking and Finance--
someone who smells like old pipe smoke and hair tonic...
someone with a florid nose from too many old-fashioneds at lunch down the street.
And this fella, whoever he is, will have friends--
friends who work in banks who probably shouldn't...
who don't treat confidential information very confidentially.
And then, Marguerite, the old crony will discover how deeply in debt you are.
And once he learns this...
my replacement will make a few phone calls, write a few letters...
and seek out your husband's most distant and forgotten relative.
Perhaps a less-fortunate cousin...
who always admired but could never afford one of your husband's beautiful artworks.
And my replacement will reach out to him and commiserate...
and convince him to contest your husband's will...
at which point your husband's estate will be tied up--
Well, it could be for years, decades really.
And if this replacement of mine turns out to be this fella I'm thinking of...
it could get really ugly.
For such a vague man, you've been extraordinarily clear, Mr. Shore.
Yes, and here's the thing.
I just don't like the way these people operate around here. It's just not right.
These photographs are yours to do with what you please.
And you should get a fair market price.
So, before I simply give up and call it a day...
I'd like to ask you one question.
And what is that?
What is your price?
So you made contact with Rachel?
I did. I told her I was a drug addict.
And?
She took me to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting...
told me that if I wanted to get clean that I needed to work the program.
So she's no longer using?
No. She's been clean for five years.
She's calm, rational, straightforward.
Very down-to-earth, as a matter of fact.
Fine. Thank you, Brad.
You know, Paul, for what it's worth...
she really wants to have a relationship with you.
- And I with her. - And you know what might help...
is if you showed her a little faith.
- She might pick up on that. - I beg your pardon?
Well, she says that sometimes you can be very...judgmental.
Brad, while your efforts are fully appreciated...
your advice to a father concerning his daughter is not.
You have no idea the years I've spent dealing with my daughter's illness.
So it would behoove you to be more circumspect.
Sorry. That was over the line.
Hey, Paul, the truth is you've got a really-- a hell of a daughter.
She's sweet. She's beautiful.
Nothing rattles her. Even when she lost her A.T.M. card.
I would've panicked, but she was really cool.
- What are you talking about? - Rachel's lost her A.T.M. card, so I loaned her 40 bucks.
- Dad. - I had a lunch meeting nearby.
How very impromptu of you and unusual.
Yes, well, people can change.
Yes, they can.
Come on in.
- Can I get you something to drink? - No, no. I--
I thought I would take Fiona to the aquarium if that's all right with you.
Yeah. I pick her up from day care in 20 minutes.
- Oh. I'll go with you. - Sure.
[ Clears Throat ]
May I use your bathroom?
Through there.
[ Door Opens ]
You have a child. A child!
- This is my house. - How long?
- You set me up? Give me that. - You will not ruin her!
You have ruined everything and everyone you've ever come in contact with!
- I hate you. - You will not do this to my granddaughter!
I hate you! Bastard!
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
- Is counsel prepared to begin voir dire? - We are, Your Honor.
The Commonwealth may begin.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Assistant District Attorney Ginsberg.
Now, as we begin to pick our potential jury members...
I just want to know a bit about you.
First off, by show of hands...
how many of you have heard about this case in the news?
I see. And how many of you have seen opposing counsel, Denny Crane, on the news?
Juror Number Seven, can you tell us what opinions you've formed?
I think people should be allowed to defend their homes.
Like Mr. Crane said...
if the guy didn't wanna get hurt, he shouldn't have been robbing anyone.
- Commonwealth challenges Juror Number Seven for cause. - No objection, Your Honor.
Juror Number Seven, you are excused.
I've worked hard to become an American homeowner.
If the guy tried to break into my place--
- I'd do the same thing. - I'd wanna kill the son of a bitch.
It's my right as an American homeowner.
I live in an apartment, but I consider myself an American homeowner.
- American homeowner. - American homeowner.
- [ All ] American homeowner.
God bless America.
Your Honor, with his television appearances and theatrics...
Mr. Crane has tainted the jury pool...
to such an extent that the Commonwealth moves for a change of venue.
Denied, Mr. Ginsberg.
You both have manipulated the media coverage of this case.
Only Mr. Crane has done a betterjob of it.
You will play in the sandbox that you built.
- [ Remote Clicks ] - Shirley, blondie,join me.
I'm happy to inform you...
there's going to be a plea bargain in the American Homeowner case.
How do you know?
Today, my office has indicted City Councilman Adam Petrick...
on charges of accepting bribes and illegal campaign contributions.
He has agreed to surrender at his arraignment.
He's changing the narrative. We're yesterday's news.
You gotta hand it to him. The guy's good. He's creating his next reality.
- I wonder what he's gonna put on the table. - No jail time.
- How can you be so sure? - Years of experience.
And he called a half an hour ago.
[ Shirley ] What are you going to do with those?
I haven't decided. You know the one...
where you're not quite sure what you're looking at...
then you take a step back and realize what it is?
That one may be going in the powder room.
- Alan. - Tell you what.
I'll leave them to you when I die.
As things stand, I'm quite sure I'll pass on before you.
Show those pictures to anyone, and I'll see to it myself.
Shirley, I have no intention of sharing those with anyone.
I'm keeping you all to myself. I give you my word.
You're one of the few people for whom I know that to be true.
Thank you.
No. Thank you.
I understand congratulations are in order.
- Never lost. Never will. - [ Scoffs ]
I may not be the Denny Crane I once was...
but, until today, I didn't realize...
that this Denny Crane might be even better.
Opposing lawyers everywhere are quaking in their custom-fitted shoes.
Damn right they are. So who cares if she--
Who cares?
You're still upset about Bev.
What I don't understand is--
I was married to one of my wives for five years. Got over her in a day.
Bev and I were married for three hours, and yet--
And yet?
Do you know that I even have memories of her that aren't sexual?
I'm sure you do.
I miss her.
Well, are the rumors true?
You have naked photos of Shirley?
Aw, come on. What's the big deal?
I've had naked photos of Shirley for years.
Denny, she's asleep in all these.
Here's one where she woke up.
Have you ever seen a beautiful naked woman...
look that angry?
[ Woman ] You stinker!