1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,331 Previously on Boston Legal. 2 00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,667 You know why she dumped me? Because I'm a lousy kisser. 3 00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,400 Maybe you could use some... pointers. 4 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,066 - We had sex. - Yes. 5 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:15,079 - Mkeba was only attacking Armus in revenge. - My first trial. I blew it! 6 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,344 I've never been involved in a case that was going as badly as this one. 7 00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:20,419 - So what do I do? - You could run. 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,513 Do you have any evidence that Mr. Shore is hiding Mr. Mkeba? 9 00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:26,751 - Not yet. - Sorry I'm late, good people. 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,192 Edwin, everything all right? 11 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,786 Hunky-dory. Hunky-dory. 12 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:45,570 - Did he escape? - He did not. He was released. 13 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,407 Are we to assume that he's recovered? 14 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,882 We are. Gentle, soothing tones. 15 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,817 No sudden movements. We don't want to startle him. 16 00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:02,560 Bonjour, mes amis! Edwin Poole is back! 17 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,130 - Edwin, welcome back. - Shirley. 18 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,756 - Edwin. - Paul. 19 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,461 - Edwin. - Brad. 20 00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,401 - Glad to see you're-- - Well? 21 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:16,498 - Well, yes. - Shirley, this is for you. 22 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:19,305 - What is it? - It's a signed, certified letter from New Beginnings... 23 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,607 stating that I am 1 00% mentally healthy. 24 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:25,150 - How lovely. You had it framed. - Mm-hmm. 25 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:28,220 That would make you the only certifiably sane person here. 26 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:31,119 Oh, my God! 27 00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,124 - Edwin Poole. - Denny Crane. 28 00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,284 - Name on the door. - Mine too! 29 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,986 - Crane-- - Poole and-- 30 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,291 - Schmidt! - Man, you look great. 31 00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:39,695 - Still mental? - Over it. 32 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,357 - You? - Never. Mad cow. 33 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,333 - Denny Crane. - Edwin Poole. 34 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,131 - Crane-- - Poole and-- 35 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,706 - Schmidt. - Take a picture. 36 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:54,678 - [ Funk ] - [ Man Vocalizing ] 37 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,356 [ Continues ] 38 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,691 [ Continues ] 39 00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:21,199 [ Ends ] 40 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:28,506 So, Edwin, is the plan to come back full-time? 41 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,345 Big-time. I'm coming back big-time. 42 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,011 - Ah. - Shirley. 43 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,521 I must admit during my many long nights at the laughing academy... 44 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,092 as I lay in bed, in want-- 45 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,252 Oh, yeah. It helped to think of... 46 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:46,230 all those times you and I were... carnal. 47 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:50,166 - We were never carnal. - But it helped to think of it just the same. 48 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,931 - Edwin-- - Yeah? 49 00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,438 It's important to take things slow at first. 50 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:58,068 No worries. It's not lost on me how the world is moving too fast these days. 51 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,579 Everyone on their P.D.A.'s, their cell phones. 52 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,172 Competition, overworked, underpaid, running, running, running. 53 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,879 I was just the first one to react to the artificial way we're living. 54 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,785 The canary in the coal mine. The sensitive one. 55 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,791 - [ Knocking ] - [ Shirley ] Um, this is Phil Mickle. 56 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,191 - He's here to hook up your computer. - Good God. 57 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,924 Will you look at the size of that? [ Laughing ] 58 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:23,059 Phil,you remember Edwin, the sensitive one. 59 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,984 Look, I paid my taxes. Whatever this is about, I did not do it. 60 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:52,326 - We're looking for Alan Shore, please. - Huh. Alan! 61 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:56,129 Men with guns again. It wasn't me. 62 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,227 - What's going on? - Alan Shore? 63 00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,272 - It depends. - You're under arrest. 64 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,501 -Arrest for what? -Aiding and abetting a fugitive... 65 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:07,478 obstruction of justice and conspiracy to aid a defendant to avoid prosecution. 66 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,640 You just described anyone who's ever given money to Tom DeLay. 67 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,650 Please put your hands behind your back. 68 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,016 Do I have to? It makes me feel so pretentious. 69 00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:18,579 Alan, please, don't joke. They don't look funny. 70 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:22,127 - You have the right to remain silent-- - Must you? I'll waive reading. 71 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:31,267 - I'll get you a lawyer. - [ Chattering ] 72 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,750 Evidently he advised a client to flee the country. 73 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,822 - Told him to go where? - Nimmo Bay. 74 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,822 - The arraignment's at 10:00. - Which I'll handle. 75 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,358 - Which you won't. - He asked for me, Shirley. 76 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,894 We better call the managing partners and present this to them... 77 00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:59,226 before they hear it on the news. 78 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,631 - That doesn't make sense. - I don't date men at the office. 79 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,329 - That's stupid. - Well,just the same. 80 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:08,601 Look, in order for relations to be as compatible as they were, two peop-- 81 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,608 Let me just stop you right there. 82 00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:14,271 Any man that I would be with, he would use the word ''sex.'' 83 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:18,339 He would never say ''relations.'' And certainly not to describe what we did. 84 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,715 Come on, Brad. We were like a couple of wild apes. 85 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,584 Exactly. And if you're so quick to measure a man by a kiss... 86 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,557 why not attach a little bit of weight to his ability to intercourse? 87 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,854 - I don't want to sue. - Stop making it about you. 88 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:31,293 I need to sue. I need to make money for this firm. 89 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,490 - For that, I need a victim. - But I'm not a victim! 90 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,533 - Of course you are, Paul. You're gigantic. - ''Phil.'' 91 00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:39,594 Something has gone amiss here. People simply do not grow this large. 92 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,731 For God's sake, you need to blame somebody. 93 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,866 This is America. 94 00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:50,177 42 444, the Commonwealth versus Alan Shore. 95 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,274 - Aiding and abetting. - [ Alan ] Waive reading,Judge. 96 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,750 The charges depress me. 97 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,083 Douglas Kupfer representing the Commonwealth, Your Honor. 98 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,750 Well, well, well. Now it all makes sense. 99 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,259 Denny Crane for the defense. Glad to be back,Judge. 100 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,230 What's going on here? Last week, he was in here defending you. 101 00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,527 Yes,Judge. He gets me off,I get him off. 102 00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,431 - We're flamingos. - Don't ask, don't tell. 103 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,527 - Silence. - Your Honor, they've already started... 104 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:15,232 making a farce out of this matter. 105 00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:17,605 - You made the farce by bringing the charges. - Silence! 106 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:23,205 Mr. Shore, you are the defendant. I don't wanna hear another poop out of you. 107 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,774 - How do you plead? - Not guilty by reason of the district attorney's insanity. 108 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,081 All right then. We'll schedule-- 109 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,555 - That's not a real plea. - Not guilty then. 110 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,456 - Do you wish a trial? - If it's not too much trouble, speedy. 111 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,257 - The Commonwealth stands ready, Your Honor. - Bail? 112 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:42,300 I ask to be released on my own recognizance. I assure you I will not flee. 113 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,236 - No objection. - Fine. R.O.R. is granted. 114 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:49,831 We'll resume at 10:00 tomorrow. Adjourned. 115 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:53,105 - This is a happy day. - Yes. 116 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,976 People like you always bring themselves down, Mr. Shore. 117 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,846 And just in case we don't, we've got you. 118 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:06,987 - You're a diabetic? - Yeah. 119 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,620 So you are a victim. We can sue! 120 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:15,667 Brother! Congratulations. You have a real disease. 121 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,259 We'll file in the morning. This is wonderful, Phil. 122 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,272 I'm gonna make you a very rich man. 123 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,308 Edwin, you can't sue a disease. 124 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,845 But he has it, Shirley. The man's a diabetic. I mean-- 125 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,471 You cannot file a lawsuit against diabetes. 126 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,777 - That's a disease. - There are foundations, okay? 127 00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,784 The American Diabetes Association. 128 00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,047 That's a deep pocket. We go after them. 129 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,350 The American Diabetes Association is trying to cure it. 130 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,358 - They don't cause it. - So they'll settle out of court. 131 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,951 Trust me. They all pay to avoid a trial. 132 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,896 Edwin, you seemed less crazy with your pants down. 133 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,661 Thank you. 134 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,397 I don't think you're ready to resume the practice of law. 135 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,231 What do you mean? 136 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,347 I have no defense, Denny. 137 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,917 - I broke the law. - So? 138 00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:09,715 So, usually in these situations, I go with jury nullification-- 139 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,723 persuade the jury to focus on the moral, not the legal. 140 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,759 But here it makes no difference. 141 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,159 What I did was unethical, immoral, illegal-- 142 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:22,530 - You're being so negative. - I need you to close. 143 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,832 - What do you mean? - I'll try the case. 144 00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:28,372 But at the end, I need somebody else... 145 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:30,408 to stand before the jury and say, ''Let the man go.'' 146 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,569 And you want me to do that? 147 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:37,741 There was a day when all you had to do was say your name. 148 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,341 That's still all I do. 149 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,183 Denny, I find in life, and I know you must... 150 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:47,692 that craft doesn't matter so much if one is a big enough star. 151 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:51,854 You've spent your entire life getting away with who and what you are because you're a star. 152 00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:54,228 Big star. I blow solar flares out of my ass. 153 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:58,463 I need your star power here. I need you to stand up before that jury when we're done... 154 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,801 and tell them, ''Let Alan Shore go!'' 155 00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:04,968 - Really? - I have a gut feeling it's my best shot. 156 00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:14,452 Let him go! 157 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,614 Denny Crane. 158 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,850 I'll do it. 159 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:34,194 They have offered me two years if I testify against you. 160 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,003 - Two years for attempted murder? - Yes. 161 00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,304 - And you took it? - I have a family. 162 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,006 Alan, I am so sorry. 163 00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:48,609 That's all right, son. Here, look at me. 164 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:52,088 - I know where your family lives. - Denny. 165 00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,422 Mr. Mkeba, you'd be insane not to take that deal. 166 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:59,294 All I can say to you is that if you plan to tell the truth... 167 00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,593 which I think you should, please tell it exactly. 168 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:05,000 - Try not to misquote me. - Because we know where your f-- 169 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,302 Denny. Well, I guess we'll see you in court. 170 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,774 I'm sorry. 171 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,874 - You should've let me break him. - You were breaking me. 172 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,281 Alan. 173 00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,319 -Jerry. - I'm so sorry. 174 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,980 - Don't tell me you've turned quisling. - It's all my fault. 175 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,718 If I hadn't screwed up the case, you never would've advised him to flee. 176 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,953 I feel so terribly responsible! 177 00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:32,030 Jerry, I made the decision to do what I did here. 178 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,861 - As such, I take full responsibility. - Good God. Nobody does that. 179 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,103 I have done it! I have cracked the case. 180 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:44,336 I'll assume, for the sake of argument, one cannot sue diabetes. 181 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:47,344 - Thank you. - Better to sue the cause of the disease. 182 00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,677 - The proximate cause. - Now there's lawyer talk. 183 00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,183 - Thank you. So I sat down with Pete last night. - ''Phil.'' 184 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,982 Right. And I went over his diet going way back to when he was a child. 185 00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,387 Together we dissected his eating habits, which-- [ Laughs ] 186 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:04,486 So I think we found it. We found the cause of his diabetes. 187 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:10,363 High fructose corn syrup. We're filing today. 188 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,596 - You're suing corn syrup? - Yes. The makers of it. 189 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:16,698 - Do the makers of corn syrup market directly to the public? - Well, no. 190 00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:19,073 But I don't see how-- All right. 191 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,510 - You're a partner. - You're a hypocrite. 192 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,844 You lecture me in not being able to express my feelings. 193 00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:26,918 Meanwhile you keep yours bottled up like one of Denny's kidney stones. 194 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,385 - You're touching me. That's battery. - We had sex. 195 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,556 - Happy? I said the word. - [ Mutters ] 196 00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,094 I am 34 years old. When I meet a man... 197 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,428 I think long term, is he potentially the father of my children? 198 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,866 You're not. Every now and again, I'll think... 199 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,028 ''What the hell? Have some fun in the short term.'' 200 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,038 But not with somebody from the office. 201 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:53,203 Too messy, too complicated. We should know better. 202 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,082 He never told me he advised Mr. Mkeba to flee the jurisdiction. 203 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:02,586 - He did not. He did not! - [ Kupfer ] Okay. Okay. 204 00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,952 Well, after Mr. Mkeba did flee... 205 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,582 did the defendant indicate to you in any other way... 206 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,593 that he might have proffered this advice? 207 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:12,721 - No. No, no, no. - Well, then can you tell us... 208 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,960 Mr. Espenson, why, after Mr. Shore was arrested... 209 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,731 did you come racing to me to say it was all your fault... 210 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,898 that Mr. Shore told the client to run? 211 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,637 What I said was if Mr. Shore gave such advice-- 212 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,444 and I have no knowledge that he did-- it was my fault... 213 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:34,383 since I had so totally screwed up Mr. Mkeba's trial... 214 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,478 leaving him no option but to run. 215 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,615 Mr. Espenson, do you typically take responsibility... 216 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,751 for what others do, even when you think they haven't done it? 217 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,694 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 218 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,995 Nothing further. 219 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,431 Denny, not now. The closing. 220 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,577 No questions. 221 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:01,781 The truth is we could sue the soft drink manufacturers... 222 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:05,581 The truth is we could sue the soft drink manufacturers... 223 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:09,176 and the wheat and corn growers and the makers of all those sugary cereals. 224 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:13,452 We could even perhaps sue the federal government for not regulating these foods. 225 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,153 - Did you know about this? - Of course not. 226 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,163 We need to contact his doctor. Find out what the hell is going on. 227 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,233 ...with LittleJimmy's Yum Dingers. 228 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,632 - Because this is what Bob-- - ''Phil.'' 229 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,365 Phil Mickle grew up eating more than anything else. 230 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:30,567 - My client has been consuming three packages-- - He's suing a snack cake? 231 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,736 of these delicious treats every day since he was five years old. 232 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:36,144 And we are going to prove that they... 233 00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:40,344 are as deadly as cigarettes. 234 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,649 Did you see that turnout? It'll be on every network news tonight! 235 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,691 Edwin Poole is back! You know what? It's a niche, Shirley. 236 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:50,922 I can feel it. I'm gonna be the lawyer who brings down big sugar. 237 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,828 - Edwin, have a seat. - Yeah? Okay. 238 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,998 - Ah! - Edwin. 239 00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:02,835 - Mm-hmm? - You just sued the Lillian Corporation. 240 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:06,241 - And it feels good. - You called their snack cakes poison. 241 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,711 - Deadlier than cigarettes. - I stand behind it. 242 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,442 They could sue you, Edwin, and us. 243 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,451 Oh, stop it. Don't be silly. I have qualified immunity. 244 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,885 Only for what you say in court. 245 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:19,457 That immunity does not extend to press conferences. 246 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,652 You just accused the world's largest... 247 00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:25,753 vertically integrated conglomerate of selling poison... 248 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:30,928 and you did it in your capacity as a lawyer of this law firm. 249 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:53,150 They've brought a motion to dismiss... 250 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,693 and they've counterclaimed for defamation. 251 00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,592 - Now we're the target. - They didn't waste any time. 252 00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:02,064 - They're also deposing Phil this morning. - What about notice? 253 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,727 I waived it in the hopes of getting them in the room today. 254 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,601 If we agree to dismiss Phil's claim... 255 00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:11,733 maybe I can get them to drop the suit against us and this whole thing will go away. 256 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,642 Now, how do we get Edwin to go away? 257 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:18,547 Let's just deal with this case first. Then we'll turn to Edwin. 258 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,819 [ Sighs ] 259 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,617 Mr. Shore informed me... 260 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:28,159 that we would lose the trial and that I would be convicted. 261 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,285 - Of attempted murder? - Yes. 262 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,832 What else did Mr. Shore say, Mr. Mkeba? 263 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,131 He told me that perhaps my only option to avoiding prison was to run. 264 00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:41,138 But as a member of the bar, he could not advise me to do so. 265 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,175 [ Kupfer ] Now,you interpreted Mr. Shore's statement... 266 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,141 to mean that you should flee the jurisdiction-- 267 00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,543 - Objection. Leading. - Sustained. 268 00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:52,048 How did you interpret Mr. Shore's statement? You are under oath. 269 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:59,553 I guess I felt that if he were in my shoes, he would run. 270 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:04,152 But as a lawyer, he was not allowed to advise me to do so. 271 00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,130 Yes. And as a result of this communication... 272 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,723 with Mr. Shore, what did you do? 273 00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:12,167 - I fled to Canada. - You were captured and brought back. 274 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,707 - Yes. - Thank you, sir. 275 00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:21,302 Denny, not until the close. 276 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,580 So, Mr. Mkeba, as I understand it... 277 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:31,247 I specifically told you I could not advise you to run. 278 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:35,259 - That's correct. - Nothing further. 279 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,489 - Mr. Kupfer? - Prosecution rests, Your Honor. 280 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:43,527 The witness is excused. 281 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,096 Your Honor, at this time, the defense moves... 282 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,572 for a directed verdict of not guilty. 283 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,700 - The prosecution has failed to make a case. - Denied. 284 00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,574 Fine. Then we'd liked to call our first witness. 285 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,081 Ladies and gentlemen, A.D.A. Douglas Kupfer. 286 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,619 - You can't call him. - It's not unprecedented, Your Honor. 287 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,688 Especially when defense goes to bias. 288 00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,723 - The only reason I'm on trial-- - Objection. 289 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:11,387 Sustained. Mr. Shore, the court instructed you not to poop. 290 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,897 Sidebar,Judge. 291 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,194 Oh. 292 00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,972 The only reason I'm on trial is him. 293 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,269 I should be allowed to cross-examine him on motive. 294 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:28,107 My courtroom will not be turned into a sideshow. 295 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:31,944 - I told you-- - Your Honor, I have no problem testifying. 296 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,350 In fact, since Mr. Shore rang the bias bell in front of the jury... 297 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,547 I'd appreciate the chance to refute the attack. 298 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:40,420 It is highly unorthodox-- 299 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,859 Yes, but as Mr. Shore pointed out, not unprecedented. 300 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:48,695 Your Honor, let's just do this. Let the, uh, defendant take his shot. 301 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,766 I think if we agree to withdraw the case now... 302 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,968 before generating massive attorney fees-- 303 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,911 It's a little late to be singing-- [ Quoting Lyrics ] 304 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:06,178 Your colleague declared us to be poison manufacturers to the whole world. 305 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:09,777 - Which he regrets. - I do. It was all my idea. 306 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:13,483 Yes, well, if only contrition could make us whole. 307 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,617 We have assembled to conduct Mr. Mickle's deposition. 308 00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:18,025 - You waived notice. I see-- - If this goes forward... 309 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,121 it'll only bring more publicity to an idea-- 310 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,200 Mr. Mickle is not the first overweight person... 311 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,769 to pin the responsibility for his obesity on us. 312 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,930 We look at it as a test case. Shall we proceed with the deposition... 313 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,133 or shall we take a break for a snack? 314 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,642 [ Laughing ] 315 00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,042 [ Coughing ] 316 00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,980 Let's dismiss and then pay court costs. 317 00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:43,521 - I don't want to settle. - If they go after you for defamation-- 318 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,716 They already are. The fight is on. 319 00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,957 So how would you describe me to your friends? 320 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,966 I'm curious. 321 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:59,663 I really don't see what difference that would make. 322 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,705 - I'd like to know. - Brad-- 323 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,174 - I'd like to know, please. - Okay, well, um... 324 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:09,543 I guess I would describe you as, uh, Buzz Lightyear. 325 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,981 - You think I'm Buzz Lightyear? - You're very military. 326 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:16,384 Brad, my idea of how to wind down after a tough day... 327 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,479 is to pour a glass of wine... 328 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:22,253 light a candle and get into a hot bubble bath with my partner. 329 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,556 Can you ever see yourself doing that? 330 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,564 Well, it's just alcohol and extreme temperatures. 331 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,534 We're complete opposites. You know that. Come on. 332 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,902 You haven't the slightest idea of who I am. 333 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:46,046 [ Phil ] I'm not saying I got fat only because of LittleJimmy's. 334 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:50,451 I ate the bad cereals, soda pops, brownies, cookies. 335 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,218 I've had a sweet tooth since I was two. 336 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:57,625 - Yes, but LittleJimmy's is the only one you're suing. - I was addicted to them. 337 00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:01,529 Whenever I had a sugar low or I was feeling depressed, I'd eat a box of'em. 338 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,965 And that's what caused your diabetes? 339 00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,102 - She's a skinny. - Phil-- 340 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,232 No. I know the way skinnies think of fat people. 341 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:13,038 And diabetics, like lung cancer victims and smokers-- 342 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:16,808 - We did it to ourselves, right? - I didn't eat three boxes a day. 343 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:19,748 Did you read the labels on those boxes, Mr. Mickle? 344 00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:22,581 Did you see the calorie count? Were you able to perform basic math? 345 00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:23,922 - I was addicted, Thin Mint. - Let the record reflect that he called me food. 346 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:27,085 - I was addicted, Thin Mint. - Let the record reflect that he called me food. 347 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:29,183 - A cookie, no less. - Miss Marino, you've been rude. 348 00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:33,424 I might also point out that we are not the first people to connect junk food with diabetes. 349 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,092 Did a medical professional ever connect your diabetes... 350 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,931 specifically to LittleJimmy's snack cakes? 351 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:42,438 Well, my doctor said my intake of sugar was too high and that-- 352 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,805 But did he connect specifically your dia-- 353 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,674 Yes! He knew I was eating box after box of LittleJimmy's... 354 00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,747 and he told me to stop, but I was addicted. 355 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,646 Did he use the word ''addicted,'' or is that yours? 356 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,652 - It's mine. - Did he ever say, ''Eat less''? 357 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,585 Objection! Rudeness! 358 00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,589 What? You can answer. 359 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,023 And when you claim our product poisoned you... 360 00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:05,096 do you have any evidence of that? 361 00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,598 Do you talk dismissive like that to everybody or just me? 362 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,158 I wasn't in a dismissive mood when you tried to wiggle out of this lawsuit, was I? 363 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:16,332 You know what, Vivian? You're starting to piss me off. 364 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:20,434 Your client sued us. Did you think I was gonna come in here all sugar and spice? 365 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:22,445 Oh, perhaps you would've liked that. 366 00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:27,314 Consider my willingness to drop this case revoked, you skinny little bitch. 367 00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:33,950 You were wonderful, Shirley. No, I'm serious. 368 00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,392 You were brilliant! My God, it was-- What's the word? You-- 369 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,589 Escalated a situation I was hoping to quash? 370 00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:42,030 - That's it. - Edwin? 371 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,068 - Yo? - Do you have any medical... 372 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:47,400 or scientific research to back the claims laid out in your complaint? 373 00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,031 Not a shred, but we're just getting started. We'll do that research. 374 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,077 You and I burning the midnight oil like the old days, huh? 375 00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:57,046 You may not get an opportunity to do research if the claim is dismissed tomorrow... 376 00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,140 which, at the moment, seems extremely likely. 377 00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:03,984 - Tosh. - Edwin, have you prepared anything for the hearing? 378 00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:07,354 Not a thing. 379 00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:11,088 Okay, then, I'll have to prepare something myself. 380 00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:13,164 - Yes. - Uh, and, Edwin? 381 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,894 - Hmm? - I'll need you to leave me alone so that I can concentrate. 382 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,562 - Yes. - And, Edwin? 383 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,696 - Hmm? - What I really need... 384 00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:25,675 is for you not to sue anyone else. 385 00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:29,213 Yes. You can do it, Shirley. I know you can. 386 00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:31,839 Thank you. 387 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,958 You're thinking. There was a day I used to do that. 388 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,758 I'm thinking this may be a mistake putting Kupfer on the stand. 389 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,530 It gives him the opportunity to put prior bad acts in evidence... 390 00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:54,901 which is obviously why he so readily agreed. 391 00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:57,099 If he does that, he gives you grounds for a mistrial. 392 00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,440 Not if I've opened the door. I've gotta be very careful, Denny. 393 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,946 I could end up sinking myself here, which I have a feeling he knows all too well. 394 00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:09,582 Maybe we should just rest. This case is thin. 395 00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:14,284 But possibly enough. And if I lose, never mind jail. 396 00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,157 These are felony charges. My law career would be over. 397 00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:20,289 And that never used to bother me. 398 00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,765 It bothers you because as you get older, your priorities change. 399 00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:27,965 You begin to realize what really matters-- money. 400 00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:32,166 I've never seen you look so nervous. 401 00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:34,745 Well, except for the night terrors and the clowns... 402 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:38,179 and the girl and the word salad. 403 00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:41,184 I've never kidded myself. I've always known how it would end for me. 404 00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:43,846 I'm just not ready for it yet. 405 00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:46,617 But what you keep forgetting... 406 00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:49,888 is at the end of the day, you always have me. 407 00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:14,243 I'm into rock climbing, competitive biking. 408 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:16,718 I want a woman who can keep up with me both physically... 409 00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:21,020 as well as intellectually and who is also incredibly hot. 410 00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:24,357 That's who I am. I've given it some thought, and you're right. 411 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,398 There's no romantic future between us. I value our friendship. 412 00:24:27,499 --> 00:24:29,831 I don't want to screw that up. So, if you're okay... 413 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,062 with going back to the way things were, so am I. 414 00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:34,866 -Just friends? -Just friends. 415 00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:48,810 Conspiracy to aid a defendant to avoid prosecution. 416 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,651 - Isn't that a defense lawyer's job? - Within the bounds of the law. 417 00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:55,692 Okay, but certainly, if I were to advise a client... 418 00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:58,388 ''Do not tell the police the truth,'' that would be okay. 419 00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,988 But if you advised him to lie, it would not. 420 00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:03,033 And you took it a step further. 421 00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:07,036 You advised your client tojump bail, to flee thejurisdiction. 422 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:09,868 - No. I told him it was his only option. - Same thing. 423 00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:12,910 No, but come on. If the client comes to me and says... 424 00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:17,505 ''Gee, as I look at things, seems my only real shot at avoiding prison is to run''... 425 00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:20,346 and it happens to be true, I have a legal obligation... 426 00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:22,818 to lie to my client, to disagree? 427 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:26,721 - No, but-- - And yet if I agree, I've committed a crime. 428 00:25:26,825 --> 00:25:31,785 If that agreement can be construed as advising him to flee, yes, it's a crime. 429 00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,195 And your client didn't come to you and lay it all out. 430 00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,460 You laid it out to him, which crosses the line. 431 00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:41,267 I expressly told him I was not allowed to advise him to flee. 432 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:45,275 While conveying to him all the while that that is exactly what he should do. 433 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,572 But I'm a kidder. You know that. 434 00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:52,241 I offered you $1 0,000 to drop this, did I not? 435 00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:55,581 Yes, as either a transparent attempt to entrap me... 436 00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:58,485 or a demented plan to have me recused. 437 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:00,956 The point is you didn't take me seriously. 438 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,425 But you claim I was serious with Mr. Mkeba. 439 00:26:03,528 --> 00:26:06,554 You seem to know this beyond all reasonable doubt, in fact. 440 00:26:06,665 --> 00:26:09,930 - You weren't even there. - Do you think you're fooling anybody? 441 00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:13,061 - Do you, Mr. Kupfer? This is a personal grudge. - No, it isn't. 442 00:26:13,171 --> 00:26:15,105 - However much-- - It's becoming jibber-jabber. 443 00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:18,733 Did you not say in Judge Thompson's courtroom... 444 00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:22,244 two weeks ago that you would like to see me suffer? 445 00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:24,679 - No. - You said your only fear... 446 00:26:24,783 --> 00:26:28,275 was that someone would stab me before you would get the chance to take me down. 447 00:26:28,386 --> 00:26:30,854 Is it your testimony to this jury... 448 00:26:30,956 --> 00:26:33,117 that you do not hold a grudge against me? 449 00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:35,522 It's my testimony that that grudge is not in play. 450 00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:37,686 - It's not in play? - No, it is not. 451 00:26:37,796 --> 00:26:41,027 Admittedly, I do not like you, it makes me happy to be prosecuting you-- 452 00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:43,600 - You despise me. - All right. 453 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:48,469 - Tell us why. - You would love for me to tell you why. 454 00:26:48,573 --> 00:26:51,337 That would be grounds for a mistrial. No. 455 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:54,935 My grudge makes this prosecution a little more thrilling... 456 00:26:55,046 --> 00:26:58,015 but you're on trial because you broke the law. 457 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,983 - Objection. Calls for a legal ruling. - Sustained. 458 00:27:01,086 --> 00:27:03,884 You advised a client accused of attempted murder to flee. That's a crime. 459 00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:06,014 - Objection. - Sustained. 460 00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:10,151 Perhaps you'd like to take the stand now, put your character in issue. 461 00:27:10,261 --> 00:27:14,994 My client trusted me to tell him the truth, which trust I honored. 462 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,500 That's my character, Mr. Kupfer. 463 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:28,135 We'll have the calendar meeting for later on this afternoon. 464 00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:30,146 No. I know it's bogus. 465 00:27:35,186 --> 00:27:37,484 I can be there in about a half hour. 466 00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:40,422 I love it when he goes to court. 467 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,236 No doctor or medical professional... 468 00:27:57,342 --> 00:28:00,505 has ever linked his diabetes to LittleJimmy's snack cakes. 469 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:02,978 And even if they could, so what? 470 00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:04,981 All the information Mr. Mickle needed... 471 00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:08,246 to make his informed dietary decision was right there on the label. 472 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:12,517 My God, when are people going to start taking responsibility? 473 00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:15,559 This man snorted down three boxes a day... 474 00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:17,753 not to mention the soft drinks and the potato chips. 475 00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:19,887 The only exercise he got was reaching for the cookie jar. 476 00:28:19,998 --> 00:28:22,432 And he wants to blame us? Then what? 477 00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,628 We outlaw desserts altogether, we criminalize the cupcake... 478 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:28,865 because people cannot be expected to eat in moderation. 479 00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:31,567 It's ridiculous. Mr. Mickle... 480 00:28:31,676 --> 00:28:35,077 wants to be able to snack and sue. 481 00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:38,581 He wants to have his cake and eat it too. And enough is enough. 482 00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:42,449 That's one word this plaintiff can't seem to appreciate-- 483 00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:44,522 ''enough.'' 484 00:28:51,329 --> 00:28:53,957 Yellow dye tartrazine, which is a coal tar derivative. 485 00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:58,434 Blue dye triphenylmethane, which is a petroleum-based product. 486 00:28:58,536 --> 00:29:02,370 Red dye carminic acid, which is derived from the carcasses of the cochineal beetle-- 487 00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:05,136 I'm sorry. Did you say ''the cochineal beetle''? 488 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:08,178 Carcasses. That's right. Partially hydrogenated... 489 00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:12,682 vegetable or animal shortening, which is beef fat, pork gelatin... 490 00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:15,912 which is made from boiled bones, tendons and skin of pigs. 491 00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:19,649 [ Scoffs ] So far, we're up to motor oil, bugs... 492 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,658 road tar and pig bones. 493 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,696 So far, she hasn't named a thing that isn't in the majority of cookies and snack cakes. 494 00:29:25,797 --> 00:29:27,924 [ Chuckles ] And isn't that scary? 495 00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:30,262 No, what's scary is that we're being singled out. 496 00:29:30,368 --> 00:29:33,303 Yes. It has us all terrified. May I continue? 497 00:29:33,404 --> 00:29:35,736 Bleached white flour-- 498 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,298 The common ingredient used to bleach flour is chloride oxide... 499 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:42,345 the use of which has been linked to the destruction of the pancreas... 500 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,677 and a form of type 2 diabetes. 501 00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:49,277 And finally, the biggie, high fructose corn syrup. 502 00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:52,788 This product does not metabolize as a normal sugar in the body. 503 00:29:52,891 --> 00:29:56,987 And it prevents a certain hormone-- leptin-- from reaching the brain. 504 00:29:57,095 --> 00:30:00,553 This hormone normally sends a signal to the brain... 505 00:30:00,665 --> 00:30:02,860 that your stomach is full and tells you to stop eating. 506 00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:06,266 But whenever you eat anything with high fructose corn syrup... 507 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:10,307 your brain thinks it's not full, and so you keep eating... 508 00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:13,070 and eating and eating. 509 00:30:13,178 --> 00:30:18,343 This product, like many dessert cakes, is addictive and causes diabetes. 510 00:30:18,449 --> 00:30:20,314 That is what this lawsuit will show. 511 00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:24,218 As for defense counsel's remark that the whole thing is ridiculous-- 512 00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:26,984 Is it? The rate of diabetes... 513 00:30:27,091 --> 00:30:31,494 has increased 80% in the last decade. 514 00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:34,565 Nearly 21 million Americans have diabetes. 515 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:38,602 One in three children will get it in their lifetime. 516 00:30:38,703 --> 00:30:41,831 I just want to say that again. One in three children. 517 00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:44,101 These companies are corporate drug dealers. 518 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:46,439 Their products are killing our children. 519 00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:49,274 - Objection. This is beyond inflammatory. - Is it? 520 00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:52,941 One in three children? You market to children. 521 00:30:53,051 --> 00:30:55,781 At least tobacco companies say on the packages... 522 00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:58,014 that cigarettes can kill you. [ Chuckles ] 523 00:30:58,122 --> 00:31:02,786 And you have the temerity to accuse my client of not taking responsibility? 524 00:31:23,214 --> 00:31:28,379 He effectively counseled his client to skip trial and run. 525 00:31:28,486 --> 00:31:31,353 Now, he prefaced this by saying... 526 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:34,016 he was not legally permitted to give such advice. 527 00:31:34,125 --> 00:31:37,060 But come on. He gave it all the same. 528 00:31:37,161 --> 00:31:39,391 And the client did, in fact, flee. 529 00:31:39,497 --> 00:31:43,490 Now, do I have a grudge against the defendant? 530 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:45,501 Yes, I do. 531 00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:47,764 But as I said in that witness chair... 532 00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:50,636 we are not here today because of my hard feelings. 533 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:55,145 We are here because Alan Shore broke the law. 534 00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,942 A law he is not above. 535 00:31:58,049 --> 00:32:03,783 A law that the 12 of you took an oath to uphold. 536 00:32:10,628 --> 00:32:12,755 [ Bones Popping ] 537 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:17,198 Denny. 538 00:32:17,302 --> 00:32:20,703 It's the closing. This would be the time to talk. 539 00:32:26,044 --> 00:32:29,138 Pregnant pause, man. 540 00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:42,018 Who the hell are we kidding? Defense attorneys make their living... 541 00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:44,526 helping their clients get away with murder. 542 00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:47,826 We put rapists back on the street knowing they're gonna rape again. 543 00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:50,526 Let's not pretend we don't aid and abet crime. 544 00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:54,469 The key is make sure we cover our asses. 545 00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:57,234 Attorneys do that better than anybody. 546 00:32:57,342 --> 00:32:59,708 Now, Alan Shore covered his. 547 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:03,975 He knew he couldn't legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run. 548 00:33:04,082 --> 00:33:06,050 He expressly said he couldn't give him such advice. 549 00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:10,746 Did Mr. Mkeba get the message anyway? Sure. 550 00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:15,656 But technically, Alan Shore didn't break the law. 551 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,752 Ass covered. Over and out. Not guilty. Simple as that. 552 00:33:18,863 --> 00:33:23,266 Oh, and here's another thing about asses. 553 00:33:23,368 --> 00:33:26,337 Not you. We'll get to you in a second. 554 00:33:26,437 --> 00:33:29,031 If you have too much success against the D.A.'s office-- 555 00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:32,701 Alan Shore has had a lot, especially against this putz-- Beats him every time. 556 00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:35,677 - Objection. - Sustained. Mr. Crane. 557 00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:39,739 I'm sorry, Your Honor. Too much success. 558 00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:45,255 Eventually, you get a giant bull's-eye painted on your bottom. 559 00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:46,721 [ People Gasping ] 560 00:33:46,824 --> 00:33:50,225 - Objection! - Sustained. Mr. Crane! 561 00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:53,786 I'm just trying to make a point, Your Honor. Alan Shore was a target. 562 00:33:53,898 --> 00:33:56,264 He's got a bigger bull's-eye on his ass than I have on mine. 563 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:57,766 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 564 00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:01,066 And this man, Douglas Kupfer, is aiming for it. 565 00:34:01,172 --> 00:34:03,299 He said he wanted to stab him. That's subtle. 566 00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:05,433 This is a vendetta. 567 00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:07,704 He wants my client any way he can get him. 568 00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:10,212 And that's the only reason we're here. Over and out. 569 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,782 Reasonable doubt. You all know that. 570 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:16,820 Last name Crane, first name Denny. Not guilty. 571 00:34:17,855 --> 00:34:19,789 Over and out. 572 00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:37,236 I've read the complaint. I can see no detailed evidence... 573 00:34:37,341 --> 00:34:39,605 which would allow me to hold the defendant liable. 574 00:34:39,710 --> 00:34:43,646 Nor can I conclude these charges cannot be established during discovery. 575 00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:46,649 The emerging research today is increasingly indicating... 576 00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:49,083 that the major cause of disease... 577 00:34:49,187 --> 00:34:51,849 and death in the United States is our national food supply. 578 00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:56,655 The defendant's motion to dismiss is therefore denied. 579 00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:58,991 We'll confer and set a trial date. Adjourned. 580 00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:02,798 [ Laughing ] You did it, Shirley! 581 00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:05,926 - So the fight's on? - The fight is on. 582 00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:11,207 If you dismiss the claim of your own accord... 583 00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:13,539 we will agree to withdraw our defamation suit. 584 00:35:13,644 --> 00:35:17,910 How sweet. We'll dismiss for a number with a lot of zeros in it, Miss Marino. 585 00:35:18,015 --> 00:35:21,007 - Otherwise, we have a trial. - I covet trials. 586 00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:24,816 As do I. 587 00:35:24,922 --> 00:35:27,550 I'm thinking class action. We should start rounding up fatties. 588 00:35:27,658 --> 00:35:30,752 - What are your thoughts? - Edwin, my thought is... 589 00:35:30,862 --> 00:35:32,853 let's get you back in the hospital. 590 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:36,400 - That's a put-down. - You're not stable yet, Edwin. 591 00:35:36,501 --> 00:35:40,164 Unless you want your name to come off the door permanently, it's back in the hospital. 592 00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,501 I am not kidding. 593 00:35:48,746 --> 00:35:50,976 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 594 00:36:03,427 --> 00:36:07,158 - Hey. - Hey. 595 00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:10,767 What's up? 596 00:36:10,868 --> 00:36:14,668 Nothing. Just wandering. 597 00:36:14,772 --> 00:36:19,709 - You want this? - Sure. You don't want it? 598 00:36:19,810 --> 00:36:22,108 I've already had two. 599 00:36:25,449 --> 00:36:28,009 Thanks. 600 00:36:29,954 --> 00:36:32,081 I really liked what you said earlier. 601 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:35,887 And you could say it, because, um, we can be honest with each other. 602 00:36:35,993 --> 00:36:39,588 You know, the way-- the way friends should be. 603 00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:43,257 - Cool. - It's funny... 604 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:46,359 'cause I've been talking to some of my girlfriends. 605 00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:49,098 And, um, it turns out... 606 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,869 there's a lot of different kinds of friends. 607 00:36:51,976 --> 00:36:54,570 Like, my friend Alyssa has a friend... 608 00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:58,376 that, um, she goes to museums with. 609 00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:01,849 That's it.Just museums. 610 00:37:04,388 --> 00:37:08,290 - Do you want to go to a museum with me? - No. God, no. 611 00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:12,326 I have another friend, uh, Melanie-- 612 00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:14,261 Mmm-- 613 00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:21,265 She, uh-- She has a friend-- this guy-- and they have an understanding. 614 00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:24,933 It's, um-- It's called friends with benefits. 615 00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:32,345 - You've heard of it? - Uh, friends with benefits, yes. 616 00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:34,918 But maybe it's not what you're talking about. 617 00:37:35,019 --> 00:37:37,579 Actually, you should just tell me. 618 00:37:39,023 --> 00:37:43,153 Well, we would, um, as friends do... 619 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:48,426 help each other out when... in need. 620 00:37:48,532 --> 00:37:53,299 - Need of-- - Intercourse. 621 00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:56,601 - Which would be the-- - Benefit. 622 00:37:58,376 --> 00:38:02,369 I have never had that kind of friend before. 623 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:10,444 But I have to admit I can imagine circumstances where that would be beneficial. 624 00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:18,194 - Great. - Great. 625 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:20,696 [ Chuckles ] Great. 626 00:38:22,667 --> 00:38:25,659 So when do these benefits kick in? 627 00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:28,637 Tonight too soon? 628 00:38:34,412 --> 00:38:36,846 [ Man Singing ] 629 00:38:42,019 --> 00:38:44,749 [ Continues ] 630 00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:57,431 [ Ends ] 631 00:38:59,103 --> 00:39:03,335 Miss Foreperson, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict? 632 00:39:03,441 --> 00:39:07,138 - We have, Your Honor. - What say you? 633 00:39:07,244 --> 00:39:10,611 On the matter of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts versus Alan Shore... 634 00:39:10,715 --> 00:39:13,878 we, thejury, find the defendant, Alan Shore... 635 00:39:13,984 --> 00:39:16,248 not guilty of all charges. 636 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:20,120 [Judge ] This concludes thejury's service as well as this trial. 637 00:39:20,224 --> 00:39:23,193 You are dismissed with the thanks of this court. 638 00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:26,593 - Mr. Shore, you are free to go. - Thank you. 639 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,691 Ooh, what a nail-biter. 640 00:39:31,802 --> 00:39:35,602 Mr. Shore, one day I hope to speak at your funeral. 641 00:39:35,706 --> 00:39:38,436 [ Chuckles ] 642 00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:42,838 Thank you, Denny. 643 00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:46,576 You pulled it out of, well, your ass, I guess. 644 00:39:46,684 --> 00:39:49,949 - Scotch? - Indeed. 645 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,926 I was lucky. IfJavert hadn't decided to prosecute me himself-- 646 00:39:58,028 --> 00:39:59,962 Nah, the case was too thin. 647 00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:02,624 The simple truth is you did cover yourself. 648 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,602 They never would've got you. Not beyond reasonable doubt. 649 00:40:04,602 --> 00:40:05,864 They never would've got you. Not beyond reasonable doubt. 650 00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:09,838 - I was lucky I had you. - Still undefeated. 651 00:40:09,940 --> 00:40:14,240 - Never lost, never will. - It was a deft touch with the underwear. 652 00:40:14,345 --> 00:40:17,610 [ Chuckling ] All's well that ends well. 653 00:40:17,715 --> 00:40:21,151 Two years of jail time didn't exactly end well for Mr. Mkeba. 654 00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:24,221 Well, he nearly beat a man to death. 655 00:40:24,321 --> 00:40:28,155 He deserves to go to jail. People need to take responsibility. 656 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,227 - Hell, that's what you did, right? - No. 657 00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:33,353 In the end, I didn't have to take responsibility for my actions. 658 00:40:33,464 --> 00:40:36,126 I'm drinking scotch on the balcony. 659 00:40:36,233 --> 00:40:39,634 I bared myself in open court for you. If you haven't got the decency... 660 00:40:39,737 --> 00:40:43,764 to celebrate your own victory, celebrate mine, for God's sakes. 661 00:40:43,874 --> 00:40:46,707 - To triumph. - And to me. 662 00:40:46,811 --> 00:40:48,972 King of the world. 663 00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:53,875 Are we setting a bad example? 664 00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:56,214 - I shoot people. - I bribe them. 665 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,015 - We drink. - Smoke. 666 00:40:58,122 --> 00:41:00,283 - I'm unfaithful. - Not to me. 667 00:41:00,391 --> 00:41:03,656 - Never to you. - We're not setting examples, Denny. 668 00:41:03,761 --> 00:41:06,321 We're just being true to who we are. 669 00:41:07,731 --> 00:41:11,394 - Who are we? - Denny Crane. 670 00:41:11,502 --> 00:41:14,562 - Alan Shore. - Leaders of men. 671 00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:16,799 With bull's-eyes on our asses. 672 00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:08,620 [ Woman ] You stinker!