1 00:00:01,295 --> 00:00:02,532 2 00:00:02,693 --> 00:00:04,923 - Oh, I'm in trouble now. - Yes. 3 00:00:05,093 --> 00:00:09,211 What's with me? I killed a man. I bludgeoned him with his own skillet. 4 00:00:09,373 --> 00:00:11,489 Two get-out-of-jail-free cards in the game. 5 00:00:11,653 --> 00:00:12,972 You've used them both up. 6 00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:14,566 - You know what you are? - A hoot. 7 00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:16,166 With a capital H, that's what. 8 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,972 - My friend. - I am not your friend. 9 00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:21,488 - You and me on a road trip. - A dude ranch. 10 00:00:21,653 --> 00:00:25,248 - Dude ranch? - It's horses and sheep. 11 00:00:25,413 --> 00:00:29,884 We'll have campfires and marshmallows and tents. Sheep. 12 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:02,084 All right, be honest. Have you ever ridden a horse before? 13 00:01:02,253 --> 00:01:04,847 - Of course I have. Why? - You look a little stiff. 14 00:01:05,013 --> 00:01:07,891 You know what? Don't worry about me, Denny. I've ridden plenty. 15 00:01:08,053 --> 00:01:10,408 Just like riding a bike. Never forget. 16 00:01:10,573 --> 00:01:13,610 - When have you ridden a horse? Where? - I was a kid. At a party. 17 00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:14,967 - A pony? - No. 18 00:01:16,053 --> 00:01:17,327 I don't know. 19 00:01:17,493 --> 00:01:20,849 His name was Thunderclap. He had a hat with holes cut for his ears. 20 00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:22,924 - All right. We can't do this. - Why not? 21 00:01:23,093 --> 00:01:25,323 Because this is a serious dude ranch, dude. 22 00:01:25,493 --> 00:01:27,882 We got a rodeo followed by a three-day ride. 23 00:01:28,053 --> 00:01:30,613 - And no Ritz-Carltons along the way. - What's your point? 24 00:01:30,773 --> 00:01:34,732 This is obviously the first time you've ever mounted a proper horse. 25 00:01:34,893 --> 00:01:37,361 I know how to ride just fine. Don't worry about me. 26 00:01:37,533 --> 00:01:38,568 Whoa! 27 00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:42,442 Well, this is what I call a small world. That's what this is. 28 00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:45,491 Look at you, Al, snuggling up to your horse. 29 00:01:45,653 --> 00:01:47,484 Like two peas in a pod. Am I right? 30 00:01:47,653 --> 00:01:50,850 Ride them, cowboy. To each his own, that's what I say. 31 00:01:51,013 --> 00:01:52,605 - Who is this guy? - Melvin Palmer. 32 00:01:52,773 --> 00:01:55,765 I don't believe we've met. A pleasure. I am a big fan. 33 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:57,764 Al and I go way back. That's what we do. 34 00:01:57,933 --> 00:02:01,243 Hey. We need to be bunkies. That's what we need to do. 35 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:04,849 Home on the range, where the deer, the antelope, and the three of us play. 36 00:02:05,013 --> 00:02:07,129 - This is gonna be a hoot. - I wanna go home. 37 00:02:43,373 --> 00:02:45,170 I asked for Alan. 38 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:49,372 He's out of state. You get me. What did you do? 39 00:02:50,693 --> 00:02:55,369 Well, I was a victim of terrible malpractice, if you must know. 40 00:02:55,533 --> 00:02:58,001 And I took issue with the doctor. 41 00:02:58,173 --> 00:03:00,562 You took issue with the doctor how? 42 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:02,132 I blew him up. 43 00:03:02,293 --> 00:03:03,851 I didn't mean to. 44 00:03:04,013 --> 00:03:07,972 I only meant to set fire to his office. How would I know he'd run back inside? 45 00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:10,567 So basically, you committed murder. 46 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:13,088 Well, aren't you a defendant's dream? 47 00:03:13,253 --> 00:03:16,928 - My God, Catherine. - Look, honey. The doctor didn't die. 48 00:03:17,093 --> 00:03:19,732 In fact, he was only barely hurt. 49 00:03:19,893 --> 00:03:22,851 So I'm only charged with attempted murder. 50 00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:26,642 I'm sure you'll do fine. But you won't be as good as Alan. 51 00:03:26,813 --> 00:03:29,691 Why don't you tell me what went down? 52 00:03:29,853 --> 00:03:32,572 What exactly was his malpractice? 53 00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:37,363 Well, I have some kidney issues. And I became anemic. 54 00:03:37,533 --> 00:03:41,492 The doctor put me on a drug that caused me to have a small heart attack. 55 00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,326 I'm fine now. But I could have died. 56 00:03:44,493 --> 00:03:48,042 Then I come to find out, this doctor is taking kickbacks... 57 00:03:48,213 --> 00:03:50,124 ...from the maker of the drug. 58 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,722 That's when I decided to torch his office. 59 00:03:52,893 --> 00:03:56,408 And inadvertently blew him up. 60 00:03:57,573 --> 00:04:00,804 I've already been arraigned, so you needn't bother with the trivial. 61 00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:05,012 Let's just go to trial. And I'd like a speedy one. 62 00:04:05,173 --> 00:04:08,051 After all, I'm old. As are you, dear. 63 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:12,404 She handled her own arraignment. 64 00:04:12,573 --> 00:04:15,724 Evidently, she's gotten quite comfortable with the judicial process. 65 00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,963 What'll be your defense? Revenge? 66 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:22,684 Temporary insanity. It's my only choice. Plus, she is nuts. 67 00:04:22,853 --> 00:04:26,448 Katie. I need you to do some checking for me on a doctor. 68 00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:30,367 Also, I need a little background on a drug called Axelogen. 69 00:04:30,533 --> 00:04:32,330 - Okay. - And then there's a... 70 00:04:35,653 --> 00:04:38,372 I'm terribly sorry. My computer calendar is off. 71 00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:42,651 It indicated Halloween was today. I apologize. I'm headed home to change. 72 00:04:42,813 --> 00:04:44,531 It won't happen again. 73 00:04:59,413 --> 00:05:01,290 Balls, balls, balls. 74 00:05:01,453 --> 00:05:04,172 I get one of those smart phones because they do everything. 75 00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:06,722 Music, daily planner, e-mail, text. 76 00:05:06,893 --> 00:05:09,088 Keep track of the date? I guess that's too much. 77 00:05:09,253 --> 00:05:11,050 You like my outfit? It's not Halloween. 78 00:05:11,213 --> 00:05:13,522 And I would have to be seen by Shirley and Sack. 79 00:05:13,693 --> 00:05:15,012 Balls, balls, balls. 80 00:05:15,173 --> 00:05:17,243 If it's any consolation, you look lovely. 81 00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:18,687 It's not funny. 82 00:05:21,533 --> 00:05:23,728 - Carl. - Bo. 83 00:05:25,173 --> 00:05:29,246 Jerry, you've made a point of saying that this is the year that you'll make partner. 84 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:31,483 There are many ways of getting that job done. 85 00:05:31,653 --> 00:05:37,489 Prancing around the office as Little Bo Peep is not one of the better ones. 86 00:05:37,653 --> 00:05:38,768 Won't happen again. 87 00:05:42,413 --> 00:05:47,806 This is a very grown-up place, Jerry. Halloween is a kid's thing. 88 00:05:57,253 --> 00:06:01,246 - I arrived before the fire department. - And, sir, what possessed you to enter? 89 00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:03,722 The fire looked fairly small when I got there. 90 00:06:03,893 --> 00:06:05,485 I thought I could rescue my files. 91 00:06:05,653 --> 00:06:08,611 And the woman who set this fire, she was your patient? 92 00:06:08,773 --> 00:06:09,888 Yes. 93 00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:13,602 - And what were you treating her for? - She has some kidney disease. 94 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,207 For which she gets occasional dialysis treatments. 95 00:06:16,373 --> 00:06:19,922 She was suffering from some anemia, so I put her on Axelogen. 96 00:06:20,093 --> 00:06:23,290 - That was for the anemia? - Yes. At first, it worked quite well. 97 00:06:23,453 --> 00:06:25,250 She then suffered the heart attack. 98 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:28,246 That was unfortunate. But it was also unforeseeable. 99 00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:31,564 Sometimes there are side effects that you just can't anticipate. 100 00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:34,122 Especially with these new drugs. 101 00:06:38,573 --> 00:06:40,370 Sweet. 102 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:41,932 You my mount? 103 00:06:42,093 --> 00:06:44,448 - What did you just say? - I'm at a dude ranch, dude. 104 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:45,807 Not like I can be choosy. 105 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,123 Besides, the sheep are spoken for. I checked. 106 00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:50,249 Excuse me. This my wife here. 107 00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:54,167 - Really? Okay. You must want me. What's going on here? 108 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,847 This man is making a sexual advance on my wife. 109 00:06:57,013 --> 00:06:58,526 - She is nasty. - Excuse me? 110 00:06:58,693 --> 00:07:00,684 - In a slutty sort of way. - Oh, my God. 111 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:03,686 - I paid a lot of money for this. - Trying to show a good time. 112 00:07:03,853 --> 00:07:07,163 Did you hear this? Did you hear what this person said to my wife? 113 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:08,812 Go get your horse. 114 00:07:09,653 --> 00:07:12,929 - Fine. - My God. 115 00:07:13,093 --> 00:07:17,006 What a thing. What a thing. 116 00:07:21,093 --> 00:07:23,323 It's terrible to have a heart attack. 117 00:07:23,493 --> 00:07:26,132 - Have you had one? - Not yet. 118 00:07:26,293 --> 00:07:28,932 Something I wouldn't wish on anybody. 119 00:07:29,093 --> 00:07:30,811 - Well... - Ah. Ahem. 120 00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:33,407 Catherine, at the time, the drug was considered safe. 121 00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:36,007 By who? The manufacturer and him. 122 00:07:36,173 --> 00:07:37,765 And he was on the take. 123 00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,491 - Objection. - Sustained. 124 00:07:40,853 --> 00:07:43,492 Do you realize doctors also get rebates? 125 00:07:43,653 --> 00:07:46,531 That's in addition to the little stipend under the table. 126 00:07:46,693 --> 00:07:48,649 Objection. Nothing is done under the table. 127 00:07:48,813 --> 00:07:51,885 How do the rebates work, Catherine, if you know? 128 00:07:52,053 --> 00:07:55,807 Well. The doctor buys the drug directly from the pharmaceutical company. 129 00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:59,204 They give a rebate based on the amount the doctor purchases. 130 00:07:59,373 --> 00:08:02,012 Then the doctor sells it to the patient. 131 00:08:02,173 --> 00:08:04,084 No discount to reflect the rebate. 132 00:08:04,253 --> 00:08:08,166 And is reimbursed by either Medicare or private insurance. 133 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:12,645 So he's making a cash windfall every time he prescribes the drug. 134 00:08:12,813 --> 00:08:14,166 The fix is in. 135 00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:15,891 - Objection. - Sustained. 136 00:08:16,053 --> 00:08:19,204 - These doctors are bought and paid for. - Strike that. 137 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,206 And sometimes so are the judges. 138 00:08:22,373 --> 00:08:25,524 Oh, not you, of course. 139 00:08:30,693 --> 00:08:33,685 The other campers voted to send you both home. 140 00:08:33,853 --> 00:08:35,650 - What? Why? - Why? 141 00:08:35,813 --> 00:08:38,281 Because he made an unwanted sexual advance on my wife. 142 00:08:38,453 --> 00:08:39,932 Not in the spirit of things. 143 00:08:40,093 --> 00:08:42,607 Many of us paid a lot of money for a wonderful escape. 144 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,207 - The trip of a lifetime. - Irene didn't seem to mind. 145 00:08:45,373 --> 00:08:47,045 Did you hear what he said? - Sir... 146 00:08:47,213 --> 00:08:49,807 - You, don't talk to me. - What did I do? 147 00:08:49,973 --> 00:08:51,565 He's a hoot, that's what he is. 148 00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:54,566 - Troublemaker, not in the spirit. - Not that I wouldn't love... 149 00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,769 ...to leave this flea-infested paradise. 150 00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:59,288 The brochure never said the ranch included him. 151 00:08:59,453 --> 00:09:00,647 Hooter. 152 00:09:00,813 --> 00:09:03,327 - My God, he fondled my buttocks. - What? 153 00:09:03,493 --> 00:09:07,202 Now, listen. I'm gonna give the two of you one last warning. 154 00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:10,604 You play by my rules or I send you packing. 155 00:09:10,773 --> 00:09:11,967 No. 156 00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:14,852 I paid a lot of money for an experience of a lifetime here. 157 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,366 Get him out of here. 158 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:21,452 - Denny, you promised this would be fun. I'm having fun. 159 00:09:21,613 --> 00:09:24,446 This is a blast, that's what this is. 160 00:09:24,613 --> 00:09:25,648 Hoot. 161 00:09:34,093 --> 00:09:36,084 - Carl. - Katie. 162 00:09:36,253 --> 00:09:39,006 So tell me, Carl, do you have Halloween plans? 163 00:09:39,173 --> 00:09:42,688 Oh, that's right. It's a kids' thing. 164 00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:46,209 Were you always how you are now, Carl? 165 00:09:46,373 --> 00:09:47,647 How I am now? 166 00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:52,284 You know, so proper and behaved and... 167 00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:55,286 And what? Go ahead. 168 00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:57,091 Take your best shot. I'm a big boy. 169 00:09:57,253 --> 00:10:00,563 You're not, actually. I'd say you're a big grown-up. 170 00:10:02,613 --> 00:10:04,285 It's a pity. 171 00:10:08,493 --> 00:10:11,087 Oh, I wish you'd waited till I got back, Shirley. 172 00:10:11,253 --> 00:10:15,531 Well, make sure you talk to the drug rep from the pharmaceutical company. 173 00:10:15,693 --> 00:10:17,684 You might even want to put him on the stand. 174 00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:21,687 - Excuse me. No phone calls allowed. - I have an emergency at the office. 175 00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:23,923 We all have offices. We all have our crises. 176 00:10:24,093 --> 00:10:26,812 See any of us on the phone? He's not in the spirit again. 177 00:10:26,973 --> 00:10:29,123 Could you just go work with your dialect coach? 178 00:10:29,293 --> 00:10:31,853 - Did you hear that? What a thing. - Lan. 179 00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:34,527 - Taking his side? - You promised you wouldn't get upset. 180 00:10:34,693 --> 00:10:36,649 Her vacation's ruined. 181 00:10:36,813 --> 00:10:39,088 - Nobody's talking to you. - Talking about me. 182 00:10:39,253 --> 00:10:40,686 Because you've caused trouble. 183 00:10:40,853 --> 00:10:43,765 - You're an extra. You don't get to talk. Oh, my God. 184 00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:46,163 - Do you just say whatever...? - Don't get to talk... 185 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:49,962 Is that it for you, Mr. Rudeness? That's what you are. 186 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:52,966 Hey. What kind of example is that, shooting a gun? 187 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:55,124 That's a terrible example to set. 188 00:10:55,293 --> 00:10:57,090 Oh, my God. 189 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,966 - Hey. - Again. 190 00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:03,442 I've about had it with you, you understand? 191 00:11:03,613 --> 00:11:06,047 - Why does nobody like me? - I like you, bunkie. 192 00:11:06,213 --> 00:11:08,602 You just stick close to me for the rest of the trip. 193 00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:10,650 - My God. That one's a homosexual. - Lan. 194 00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:13,043 The trip of a lifetime. Now we have a homosexual. 195 00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:16,091 It's a don't-ask, don't-tell dude ranch. Surely you knew that. 196 00:11:16,253 --> 00:11:19,290 The one in the middle's a masher, you're rude, and he's gay. 197 00:11:19,453 --> 00:11:20,966 And all three are from Boston. 198 00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,408 Buddy, I'm gonna take you out behind this here... 199 00:11:23,573 --> 00:11:26,531 I'm calling it like I see it. Cowboys aren't gay. 200 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:43,008 I think she felt so violated after the heart attack, and angry... 201 00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:45,926 ...that she went into a mild dissociative state. 202 00:11:46,093 --> 00:11:49,165 - What does that mean? - It means basically that she snapped. 203 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:53,326 She was so blinded by rage and fear, she lost herself. 204 00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:57,327 In my opinion, she was not capable of forming a mental intent. 205 00:11:57,493 --> 00:11:59,290 Are you getting paid for this testimony? 206 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,681 - Objection. - Overruled. 207 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:04,004 Are you getting paid? - I'm compensated for my services, yes. 208 00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:06,846 - How much for today? - Ten thousand dollars. 209 00:12:07,013 --> 00:12:10,164 So she snapped, lit a fire, but now she's sane again. 210 00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,652 Is that about it? 211 00:12:11,813 --> 00:12:15,089 - I believe she's sane again, yes. - Got it. 212 00:13:26,813 --> 00:13:29,611 - I can't believe you got me into this. - Me? It was your idea. 213 00:13:29,773 --> 00:13:31,968 My idea was to take a trip, not to do this. 214 00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:35,045 Adjust your attitude. 215 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:39,208 Look. I think Irene likes me. 216 00:13:46,253 --> 00:13:50,531 Hey, all right! That was nice. 217 00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:53,048 - Okay, Ian, you got a request? - Yes, um... 218 00:13:53,213 --> 00:13:55,363 Could you please put the cigar out? Please? 219 00:13:55,533 --> 00:14:00,766 It causes cancer. I'm here for a wonderful vacation escape, not cancer. 220 00:14:00,933 --> 00:14:04,130 It keeps the bugs away. If only it worked on pests. 221 00:14:04,293 --> 00:14:05,408 - That's a putdown. - Lan. 222 00:14:05,573 --> 00:14:08,645 No, no, never mind, Irene. That was a total putdown. 223 00:14:08,813 --> 00:14:11,407 Oh, come on, Mr. Smart Mouth. 224 00:14:11,573 --> 00:14:13,689 It was no putdown, man. - Everybody quiet. 225 00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:20,328 Damn it. This is supposed to be a joyful sing-along where we all bond. 226 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:23,007 I have a problem. These aren't even cowboy songs. 227 00:14:23,173 --> 00:14:25,892 I paid a lot of money for the experience of a lifetime too. 228 00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:29,966 I expected to hear cowboy songs. How about "Surrey With the Fringe On Top"? 229 00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:31,805 Or "Sweet Betsy from Pike"? 230 00:14:31,973 --> 00:14:36,012 "Michael, Row Your Boat Ashore" is a religious song, a nautical theme for kids. 231 00:14:36,173 --> 00:14:38,129 Next, we'll have Irene singing in tongues. 232 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:42,127 I don't want my wife's name out of your dirty mouth. Do you hear me? 233 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,924 Would you please? 234 00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:51,530 Hey, I got a cowboy song. Pass me that guitar, sport. 235 00:14:51,693 --> 00:14:56,642 You know, I am a get-along kind of guy. That's what I am. 236 00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:00,362 And in the spirit of us all getting along here... 237 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:05,163 ...I'm gonna dedicate this little number to my buddies Alan and Denny. 238 00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:16,045 As I walked out In the streets of Laredo 239 00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:21,606 As I walked out in Laredo one day 240 00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:24,333 I spied a young cowboy 241 00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:27,371 All dressed in white linen 242 00:15:27,533 --> 00:15:29,603 Wrapped in white linen 243 00:15:29,773 --> 00:15:33,732 As cold as the clay 244 00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:36,885 "I see by your outfit 245 00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:39,567 That you are a cowboy" 246 00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:42,122 "I see by your outfit 247 00:15:42,293 --> 00:15:44,887 That you are one too" 248 00:15:45,053 --> 00:15:46,452 "We see by your outfits 249 00:15:48,093 --> 00:15:50,482 That you are both cowboys 250 00:15:50,653 --> 00:15:53,372 If we get some outfits 251 00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:56,570 We can be cowboys too" 252 00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:01,403 - They're making fun of us. - I heard it. 253 00:16:01,573 --> 00:16:04,565 - That was a Smothers Brothers bit. - I didn't like that song. 254 00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:06,769 We went to trouble to get the right outfits. 255 00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,811 And we quite like them. That song wasn't in the spirit, Melvin. 256 00:16:09,973 --> 00:16:13,761 Well, good buddy, most hats don't come with on/off buttons. 257 00:16:13,933 --> 00:16:16,652 Turn your hats on, Al, Denny. Let the group see. 258 00:16:16,813 --> 00:16:19,008 Nothing wrong with a hat that can be used... 259 00:16:19,173 --> 00:16:21,641 ...as a light source in case of emergency. - No doubt. 260 00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:23,963 Turn them on. Let us have a look. 261 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,124 Yeah. I want to see it. 262 00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:31,124 - What? - They're just jealous. 263 00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:36,366 Come on, Denny. Let's go back to the tent. 264 00:16:36,533 --> 00:16:38,125 Aww... 265 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,326 Do you think there are mountain lions out there? 266 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,450 Or wolves? 267 00:17:11,693 --> 00:17:12,682 Could be. 268 00:17:13,813 --> 00:17:17,010 Denny, I really wanna go home. Can we please go home in the morning? 269 00:17:17,173 --> 00:17:19,482 - It's our first day. - I don't care. 270 00:17:21,093 --> 00:17:24,642 I don't like pooping in the woods. I may have wiped myself with poison oak. 271 00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:27,008 And I don't like the group. 272 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,966 Reminds me of when I was little and kids were mean. 273 00:17:30,253 --> 00:17:33,643 - I was bullied as a child, you know. - Alan, I gotta tell you something. 274 00:17:33,813 --> 00:17:37,488 I don't want you to take it personally. Promise me you won't take it personally. 275 00:17:37,653 --> 00:17:38,847 Okay, what? 276 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:44,405 I have an erection. It has nothing to do with you personally, I swear. 277 00:17:44,573 --> 00:17:48,452 I've had it all day ever since I took the Viagra thinking it was my hay fever pills. 278 00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:52,367 And I think I got one of those priapism things. 279 00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:54,524 - That can be dangerous. - I know. 280 00:17:55,973 --> 00:17:57,531 What if the group finds out? 281 00:17:57,693 --> 00:18:00,605 - Alan, would you take a look? Because... - Absolutely not. 282 00:18:00,773 --> 00:18:02,047 - Alan. - No. 283 00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:04,681 Well, what am I gonna do? Plus, I gotta pee. 284 00:18:04,853 --> 00:18:07,367 - Which is almost impossible when... - We are going home. 285 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:09,046 First thing in the morning. 286 00:18:13,613 --> 00:18:15,683 What was that? 287 00:18:18,293 --> 00:18:19,612 Something's out there. 288 00:18:20,693 --> 00:18:22,331 Hello? 289 00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:25,611 Hello? 290 00:18:26,413 --> 00:18:28,449 - Go out and look. - You go. 291 00:18:28,613 --> 00:18:30,365 No, you have to pee anyway. 292 00:18:38,173 --> 00:18:40,641 There. It's a sheep. 293 00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:43,691 Are they vicious, the wild ones? 294 00:18:43,853 --> 00:18:45,081 I don't think so. 295 00:18:46,813 --> 00:18:49,805 - I'm gonna go try and pee. - Hurry. 296 00:19:13,893 --> 00:19:16,532 Get back in this tent. 297 00:19:16,693 --> 00:19:18,490 - What? - Don't even think of it. 298 00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:20,883 Just get back here. 299 00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:23,851 - I think she loves me. - Never mind. 300 00:19:35,253 --> 00:19:37,608 That's me in college. 301 00:19:37,773 --> 00:19:39,809 And here. 302 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,532 That's me in high school. I was wild. 303 00:19:43,693 --> 00:19:45,763 My parents thought I was a problem, all right? 304 00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:49,209 - I was plenty wild. - My goodness. Who is this person? 305 00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:52,092 So don't pity me. I was once very much a kid. 306 00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:56,405 I never meant to imply that you weren't. I was pitying that you no longer are. 307 00:19:56,573 --> 00:20:00,771 They say we were happiest as children. And those most happy in adulthood... 308 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,686 ...are the ones who never let die the child within. 309 00:20:03,853 --> 00:20:06,970 There are plenty of proper lawyers who dress up on Halloween... 310 00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:09,488 ...or who wear hula skirts in Hawaii. 311 00:20:09,653 --> 00:20:13,043 Denny and Alan are off somewhere pretending to be cowboys. 312 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,330 But that sort of nonsense doesn't work for Carl Sack. 313 00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:18,131 That's not him. 314 00:20:18,293 --> 00:20:22,332 Perhaps someone he used to be. But not anymore. 315 00:20:22,493 --> 00:20:23,972 Most certainly not. 316 00:20:27,213 --> 00:20:29,602 Don't take it personally, Carl. 317 00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:33,083 How can I not, Shirley? It wasn't a professional criticism. 318 00:20:33,253 --> 00:20:36,848 It was personal. I wouldn't mind a professional critique once in awhile. 319 00:20:37,013 --> 00:20:42,531 But... Well, personally, I consider myself a professional. 320 00:20:42,693 --> 00:20:45,765 What? Don't bite your lip. I don't like it when you bite your lip. 321 00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:48,367 - How about I bite yours? - Oh, you're handling me now. 322 00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:50,922 - Yes, I am. - Mm. In the office? 323 00:20:51,093 --> 00:20:52,845 - I know. - I'm not a fuddy-duddy. 324 00:20:53,013 --> 00:20:56,642 Yes, you are. A little one. It doesn't matter. I like fuddy-duddies. 325 00:20:56,813 --> 00:21:01,523 And hey, should McCain get in, we'd actually have a fuddy-duddy-in-chief. 326 00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:03,684 - Elmer Fuddy-Duddy. - Ha. 327 00:21:05,253 --> 00:21:06,891 - Let's go to dinner. - I can't. 328 00:21:07,053 --> 00:21:09,169 I have to work on my closing. 329 00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:13,121 Lord knows what I'm gonna say. She practically blew up her doctor. 330 00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:14,772 Sound a little dismissive. 331 00:21:14,933 --> 00:21:18,289 Well, if you knew this crazy Catherine Piper... 332 00:21:20,173 --> 00:21:22,368 Did I ever tell you how my mother died? 333 00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:26,892 New blood-thinner medication, which when combined with aspirin... 334 00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:29,806 ...caused her to bleed out from an ulcer. 335 00:21:29,973 --> 00:21:32,487 Turns out her doctor, who prescribed the medication... 336 00:21:32,653 --> 00:21:35,247 ...was a paid consultant for the drug company. 337 00:21:36,133 --> 00:21:38,328 You don't think doctors are on the take, do you? 338 00:21:38,493 --> 00:21:41,291 I think they prescribe drugs they think are safe. 339 00:21:41,453 --> 00:21:45,082 But, I mean, let's face it. With the rising malpractice premiums... 340 00:21:45,253 --> 00:21:48,211 ...lower HMO reimbursements, many doctors can't even afford... 341 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:52,924 ...to practice these days without pharmaceutical consulting grants. 342 00:21:53,093 --> 00:21:58,406 And with those grants comes a loss of objectivity. 343 00:21:59,413 --> 00:22:02,211 Did this doctor at least tell this crazy Catherine Piper... 344 00:22:02,373 --> 00:22:04,568 ...that he was on the drug company's payroll? 345 00:22:04,733 --> 00:22:05,722 No. 346 00:22:06,973 --> 00:22:08,326 Hmm. 347 00:22:21,013 --> 00:22:22,651 Hello? 348 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,931 Denny. Denny. 349 00:22:26,093 --> 00:22:29,483 - Where are you? I'm trapped. 350 00:22:29,653 --> 00:22:32,963 - You gotta come and help me. - Trapped? Where? 351 00:22:33,133 --> 00:22:35,886 - What's going on? - In Hoberman's tent. 352 00:22:36,053 --> 00:22:38,362 - I came to visit Irene. - What? 353 00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:40,763 Shh. I fell asleep after. 354 00:22:40,933 --> 00:22:42,286 Now Irene's gone. 355 00:22:42,453 --> 00:22:44,967 And Ian's passed out on top of me. 356 00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:47,852 - I can't move. - You've gotta be kidding me. 357 00:22:48,013 --> 00:22:52,529 Get over here. Help get me free before he wakes up. 358 00:22:52,693 --> 00:22:54,968 - Where's Irene? - I don't know. 359 00:22:55,133 --> 00:22:56,805 Just get over here. 360 00:22:56,973 --> 00:22:58,770 Hurry. 361 00:23:02,533 --> 00:23:04,524 Which tent are you...? 362 00:23:04,693 --> 00:23:08,208 Never mind. I think I know. 363 00:23:10,213 --> 00:23:12,169 Oh, my. 364 00:23:15,453 --> 00:23:17,284 See if you can get his leg off. 365 00:23:17,453 --> 00:23:20,047 - Where's Irene? - Would you forget about Irene? 366 00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:30,045 - Hurry. - Don't rush me. 367 00:23:51,693 --> 00:23:53,490 Get his arm. 368 00:23:53,893 --> 00:23:55,485 This won't be easy. 369 00:24:24,573 --> 00:24:27,371 I still don't understand. Where exactly was Irene? 370 00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:30,889 She went out to pee. Then Ian came in drunk, crashed. 371 00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,202 Let's get out of here. 372 00:24:32,373 --> 00:24:34,489 Maybe we can get back in time for Halloween. 373 00:24:34,653 --> 00:24:36,723 We could go as cowboys. 374 00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:40,647 - And where do you think you're going? - We're getting the hell out of Dodge. 375 00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:43,646 What's with the rifle? 376 00:24:43,813 --> 00:24:46,611 You have to marry Irene. Or the sheep. 377 00:24:46,773 --> 00:24:48,684 Or the captain of the hockey team. 378 00:24:48,853 --> 00:24:50,047 You think you're funny. 379 00:24:50,213 --> 00:24:52,568 I paid a lot of money for the trip of a lifetime. 380 00:24:52,733 --> 00:24:54,803 Well, you certainly got that, didn't you, Ian? 381 00:24:54,973 --> 00:24:59,171 In addition to being head of this dude ranch, I'm a volunteer constable sheriff. 382 00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,052 - Good for you. - I'm placing you under arrest. 383 00:25:02,213 --> 00:25:03,487 - Arrest? - For what? 384 00:25:03,653 --> 00:25:07,202 Adultery is a crime in the state of Utah, as is fornication out of wedlock. 385 00:25:07,373 --> 00:25:09,887 - Very funny. - You have the right to remain silent. 386 00:25:10,053 --> 00:25:12,203 - He must be joking. - You're under arrest too. 387 00:25:12,373 --> 00:25:15,126 - Me? For what? - Conspiracy to commit adultery... 388 00:25:15,293 --> 00:25:17,727 ...aiding and abetting an adulterer and a fornicator. 389 00:25:17,893 --> 00:25:21,329 Now you have the experience of a lifetime, don't you, Mr. Boston? 390 00:25:21,493 --> 00:25:22,687 Mr. Red Sox Fan. 391 00:25:22,853 --> 00:25:25,287 Mr. Aider and Abettor, from the evil Red Sox nation. 392 00:25:25,453 --> 00:25:26,886 All right, that does it. 393 00:25:27,493 --> 00:25:29,324 - Oh, for God's sake, Denny. Lan? 394 00:25:29,493 --> 00:25:31,484 Relax, it's a tranq gun. He'll sleep it off. 395 00:25:31,653 --> 00:25:33,166 Put down your weapon. Now. 396 00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:35,972 Well, I don't think it's that important. 397 00:25:36,173 --> 00:25:38,482 It makes a lot of difference. 398 00:25:44,253 --> 00:25:47,051 Whether the doctor made a mistake or not... 399 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:50,330 ...that doesn't give her the right to set fire to his office. 400 00:25:50,493 --> 00:25:54,691 Oh, sure. They put up a hired-gun expert to claim she was temporarily insane... 401 00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:58,163 ...a dissociative state, couldn't distinguish right from wrong... 402 00:25:58,333 --> 00:26:00,972 ...not capable of forming mental intent. 403 00:26:01,133 --> 00:26:07,208 All the technical buzzwords to allow you to free a sweet, old lady. 404 00:26:08,573 --> 00:26:10,689 But you all know what happened. 405 00:26:10,853 --> 00:26:14,562 She got mad and got even. 406 00:26:15,853 --> 00:26:18,686 You know the death grip the pharmaceutical industry has... 407 00:26:18,853 --> 00:26:20,081 ...on this country. 408 00:26:20,253 --> 00:26:22,323 They've infiltrated the FDA. 409 00:26:22,493 --> 00:26:26,930 A study showed that 90 percent of all FDA advisory meetings had... 410 00:26:27,093 --> 00:26:29,971 ...at least one person with ties to big pharmaceutical. 411 00:26:30,133 --> 00:26:31,851 And then there's Congress. 412 00:26:32,013 --> 00:26:37,007 Big pharma gave members of Congress $ 70 million since 1990. 413 00:26:37,173 --> 00:26:39,562 So who does that leave us with but our doctors... 414 00:26:39,733 --> 00:26:42,167 ...and even they're being bought. 415 00:26:42,333 --> 00:26:45,530 Between consulting fees and rebates, doctors get... 416 00:26:45,693 --> 00:26:47,809 ...hundreds of millions of dollars every year. 417 00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:52,489 And, my God, look what's happening. Drugs are being prescribed like candy. 418 00:26:52,653 --> 00:26:54,883 A famed Harvard psychiatrist... 419 00:26:55,053 --> 00:26:59,285 He helped fuel the recent boom in antipsychotics for kids. 420 00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:03,526 Turns out he personally took over $ 1.6 million... 421 00:27:03,693 --> 00:27:06,924 ...from drug makers over the past seven years. 422 00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:11,371 He also failed to report this income to the university, by the way. 423 00:27:11,533 --> 00:27:12,886 How can this be? 424 00:27:13,053 --> 00:27:17,171 We have no regulations, no disclosure procedures in place. 425 00:27:17,333 --> 00:27:21,042 Nothing to ensure that we, the patients, can know... 426 00:27:21,213 --> 00:27:24,250 ...whether our doctor is on the take. 427 00:27:24,733 --> 00:27:26,405 How can this be? 428 00:27:26,573 --> 00:27:28,609 Catherine Piper had a heart attack. 429 00:27:28,773 --> 00:27:30,092 She almost died. 430 00:27:30,253 --> 00:27:32,687 An unsafe drug was rushed to the market. 431 00:27:32,853 --> 00:27:35,287 It was prescribed by her own physician. 432 00:27:35,453 --> 00:27:39,571 Perhaps because he had a financial incentive to do so. 433 00:27:39,733 --> 00:27:41,769 She nearly died. 434 00:27:43,093 --> 00:27:47,484 When you go back to that room, I want you to try to imagine... 435 00:27:47,653 --> 00:27:50,292 ...what it's like to suffer a heart attack... 436 00:27:50,453 --> 00:27:54,526 ...to be lying on your kitchen floor... 437 00:27:54,693 --> 00:27:58,971 ...with no one around, thinking, "This is it. " 438 00:28:00,813 --> 00:28:04,249 It may not even be possible to imagine that. 439 00:28:04,413 --> 00:28:06,927 But then she found out... 440 00:28:07,093 --> 00:28:12,292 ...that the person she perhaps trusted the most did this to her. 441 00:28:13,733 --> 00:28:15,689 It made her crazy. 442 00:28:17,413 --> 00:28:19,290 Wouldn't it you? 443 00:28:39,333 --> 00:28:41,927 - Jerry? - Katie. 444 00:28:42,093 --> 00:28:44,732 You have a paper bag over your head. 445 00:28:44,893 --> 00:28:46,451 I do. 446 00:28:46,613 --> 00:28:48,490 Could you tell me why? 447 00:28:49,093 --> 00:28:51,527 I was looking to crawl under a big rock. 448 00:28:51,693 --> 00:28:53,012 There were none available. 449 00:28:53,173 --> 00:28:55,403 The reason you wanted to crawl under a big rock? 450 00:28:55,573 --> 00:28:59,009 I passed three partners today who called me "Bo. " 451 00:28:59,173 --> 00:29:01,733 A fourth referred to me as "the Peepster. " 452 00:29:01,893 --> 00:29:04,771 Evidently I was seen dressed for Halloween prematurely. 453 00:29:04,933 --> 00:29:07,811 - And this is tragic? - It is if one wants to make partner. 454 00:29:07,973 --> 00:29:10,692 And if those same partners were to catch a glance of you... 455 00:29:10,853 --> 00:29:12,844 ...with a paper bag on your head? 456 00:29:13,013 --> 00:29:15,208 - Damage is done. - Jerry, take the bag off. 457 00:29:15,373 --> 00:29:18,524 You'll likely breathe in your own carbon dioxide. It's not healthy. 458 00:29:18,693 --> 00:29:20,411 Take it off. 459 00:29:24,253 --> 00:29:26,813 Do you know what happens to lawyers who make partner? 460 00:29:26,973 --> 00:29:30,761 They become locked in. Lifers. I'm not sure that's something you want. 461 00:29:30,933 --> 00:29:33,527 There's rumors concerning the firm's financial health. 462 00:29:33,693 --> 00:29:35,445 We represent a lot of mortgage lenders. 463 00:29:35,613 --> 00:29:38,571 Partners don't just get the fruits. They get the liabilities. 464 00:29:38,733 --> 00:29:43,284 It's just... For seven years, I've chased this particular carrot. 465 00:29:43,453 --> 00:29:44,932 Didn't get it. 466 00:29:45,093 --> 00:29:47,084 Now I'm up again. 467 00:29:48,213 --> 00:29:50,647 - Lf I blow it... - This is that important? 468 00:29:50,813 --> 00:29:52,565 Yes. 469 00:29:53,413 --> 00:29:56,007 Well, if my opinion counts for anything... 470 00:29:56,173 --> 00:29:58,812 ...I thought you made a perfectly fab Lady Peep. 471 00:30:13,133 --> 00:30:14,805 What's wrong? 472 00:30:15,613 --> 00:30:16,728 They were arrested. 473 00:30:19,773 --> 00:30:21,809 - Who? - Denny and Alan. 474 00:30:21,973 --> 00:30:23,326 For what? 475 00:30:24,093 --> 00:30:28,291 Seems Denny committed adultery, which evidently can be prosecuted in... 476 00:30:28,453 --> 00:30:31,525 I don't know what Alan did. They're being arraigned in the morning. 477 00:30:31,693 --> 00:30:34,082 Can't they go to a stupid dude ranch without get...? 478 00:30:34,813 --> 00:30:36,883 Oh, you just find everything funny these days. 479 00:30:37,053 --> 00:30:39,044 I'm sorry. I don't know what happened there. 480 00:30:39,213 --> 00:30:40,441 Yes, you do. 481 00:30:40,613 --> 00:30:42,444 Denny did something crazy. 482 00:30:42,613 --> 00:30:43,887 Last week he bet on a case. 483 00:30:44,053 --> 00:30:47,125 The week before that, he had his penis hooked up to a monitor. 484 00:30:47,293 --> 00:30:49,249 Was cock-a-doodle-dooing in a courtroom. 485 00:30:49,413 --> 00:30:52,007 It's just one thing after another. 486 00:30:52,613 --> 00:30:57,004 And I'm not being Elmer Fudd-y, Shirley. The man is losing his mind. 487 00:30:57,173 --> 00:31:00,563 We all know it. We laugh it off. We say, "Isn't the mad cow cute?" 488 00:31:02,573 --> 00:31:05,041 At what point does it stop being funny? 489 00:31:05,213 --> 00:31:09,604 At what point do we all admit the man needs help? 490 00:31:18,413 --> 00:31:20,085 Case number 4212. 491 00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,891 State of Utah v. Denny Crane... 492 00:31:22,053 --> 00:31:24,123 ...on the charge of adultery, conspiracy to... 493 00:31:24,293 --> 00:31:26,284 Alan Shore for the defendant, Your Honor. 494 00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:29,763 We waive reading, plead not guilty, and ask for immediate extradition... 495 00:31:29,933 --> 00:31:31,969 ...to Massachusetts or any jurisdiction... 496 00:31:32,133 --> 00:31:34,806 ...where the criminal code isn't written in the Good Book. 497 00:31:34,973 --> 00:31:37,043 - Wait a second. - He's a defendant too, judge. 498 00:31:37,213 --> 00:31:39,090 I am, Your Honor. Mr. Crane would be... 499 00:31:39,253 --> 00:31:42,404 ...your adulterer and fornicator. I would be your aider and abettor. 500 00:31:42,573 --> 00:31:44,962 I'm not quite sure how Irene escaped charges... 501 00:31:45,133 --> 00:31:48,409 ...since adulterating and fornicating is traditionally done in tandem. 502 00:31:49,893 --> 00:31:51,770 Mr. Shore, defendants do not speak in my courtroom. 503 00:31:51,933 --> 00:31:54,970 Ah. So that little right to confront one's accuser? 504 00:31:55,133 --> 00:31:56,361 How's that done? On the Web? 505 00:31:56,573 --> 00:31:59,292 - Lf you cannot afford counsel... - I can. I'm rich. 506 00:31:59,453 --> 00:32:02,968 Actually, Denny and I flew here private. We can afford the best attorneys... 507 00:32:03,133 --> 00:32:05,328 ...and sometimes judges, that money can buy. 508 00:32:05,493 --> 00:32:08,485 I'll represent myself. And let me just toss out, as an icebreaker... 509 00:32:08,653 --> 00:32:11,292 ...Utah is not the state that wants to prosecute adultery. 510 00:32:11,453 --> 00:32:15,128 While it may technically be a crime, so is polygamy, which you don't prosecute. 511 00:32:15,293 --> 00:32:16,851 I'll get letters for saying so. But you don't. 512 00:32:18,253 --> 00:32:20,209 I'm getting a lot of gavel whacks. Is it just me? 513 00:32:20,373 --> 00:32:23,046 Your own attorney general went on record as saying... 514 00:32:23,213 --> 00:32:25,522 ...you lack resources to go after the polygamists. 515 00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:29,049 Face it. You've got a lot of them. Not a judgment. Personally, I'm a fan. 516 00:32:29,213 --> 00:32:31,727 So is Denny. He's had six wives. Is it six? Or seven? 517 00:32:31,893 --> 00:32:33,963 The former head of NOW in Utah... 518 00:32:34,133 --> 00:32:37,762 I love that the National Organization of Women actually has a chapter in Utah. 519 00:32:37,933 --> 00:32:40,003 She said the anti-polygamy law has become... 520 00:32:40,173 --> 00:32:42,403 ...as irrelevant as the spitting ordinance. 521 00:32:42,573 --> 00:32:44,689 Now, I know how we all love to spit in Utah. 522 00:32:44,853 --> 00:32:47,003 You look like a loogie hacker from way back. 523 00:32:47,173 --> 00:32:50,085 Send those letters. I even find polygamy funny, just a little. 524 00:32:50,253 --> 00:32:52,164 These loser guys with all these women. 525 00:32:52,333 --> 00:32:54,369 The hairdos. Unfortunately, in many cases... 526 00:32:54,533 --> 00:32:56,125 ...there's child abuse involved. 527 00:32:56,293 --> 00:32:59,603 Whack away. If you're going to ignore child abusers and come after me... 528 00:32:59,773 --> 00:33:02,970 ...for aiding and abetting adultery, all I can say is take your shot. 529 00:33:03,133 --> 00:33:04,725 Please. I beg you. Take your shot. 530 00:33:04,893 --> 00:33:07,885 Mr. Shore, are you threatening the good state of Utah? 531 00:33:08,053 --> 00:33:10,283 You're quick. I can see why they made you judge. 532 00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:12,648 Exactly. I'm ready to take on the state... 533 00:33:12,813 --> 00:33:16,044 ...Mr. Constable with the rifle, you and everyone you're married to. 534 00:33:16,213 --> 00:33:18,010 - Let the fun begin. - Oh, it will be fun. 535 00:33:18,173 --> 00:33:21,051 First, I don't let people represent themselves in my courtroom. 536 00:33:21,213 --> 00:33:25,365 So the first thing we're going to do is get you an independent lawyer. 537 00:33:25,533 --> 00:33:26,886 Judge? 538 00:33:27,053 --> 00:33:29,169 - I'll represent the hoot brothers. - Oh, no. 539 00:33:29,333 --> 00:33:32,291 I'm not gonna be defended by him or any other clown. 540 00:33:32,453 --> 00:33:35,206 I was there, judge. I could be a witness, in fact. 541 00:33:35,373 --> 00:33:36,647 Your call. But either way... 542 00:33:36,813 --> 00:33:40,328 ...I could tell you a few things about Mr. Shore and Mr. Crane. 543 00:33:40,493 --> 00:33:43,212 - Shall we go to chambers? - Let's go. 544 00:33:43,373 --> 00:33:46,445 If you're gonna have a meeting, we have a right to be present. 545 00:33:46,613 --> 00:33:50,845 Fine. But you keep your mouth absolutely shut. One word and you're out. 546 00:33:51,013 --> 00:33:53,766 - What the hell are you doing? - Just do as the judge says. 547 00:33:53,933 --> 00:33:57,482 For once in your life, let me do the talking. 548 00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:03,211 - First of all, I don't know... - First of all, you don't talk. 549 00:34:03,373 --> 00:34:05,887 Not a peep. Or you go to jail. 550 00:34:06,053 --> 00:34:08,283 - Let's hear it. - Judge, I'm gonna be honest. 551 00:34:08,453 --> 00:34:10,409 I don't like this man. 552 00:34:10,573 --> 00:34:14,361 The old guy I kind of enjoy. He's just an old fart who should be retired to stud. 553 00:34:14,533 --> 00:34:17,730 But him, I'll tell you what. I'm from Texas, and in Texas... 554 00:34:17,893 --> 00:34:20,407 ...if somebody messes with a man's wife, you shoot him. 555 00:34:20,573 --> 00:34:22,768 Hell, he steps on your property, you shoot him. 556 00:34:22,933 --> 00:34:26,323 Let me tell you something. This guy, he wants to stand trial here. 557 00:34:26,493 --> 00:34:28,688 That's why he was baiting you like that. 558 00:34:28,853 --> 00:34:31,492 He gets his jollies out of playing David against Goliath. 559 00:34:31,653 --> 00:34:36,807 That's what he does. But the thing is, he wields one hell of a slingshot. 560 00:34:36,973 --> 00:34:40,045 He took on the entire Supreme Court, insulted every one of them... 561 00:34:40,213 --> 00:34:41,805 ...and he won his case to boot. 562 00:34:41,973 --> 00:34:45,090 This man can make some serious noise in a courtroom. 563 00:34:45,253 --> 00:34:46,242 And let's face it. 564 00:34:46,413 --> 00:34:49,485 None of us wants to see a big flap here, do we? 565 00:34:49,653 --> 00:34:53,692 Prosecuting for adultery? Nobody does that. Not even Texas. 566 00:34:53,853 --> 00:34:56,083 You certainly don't wanna be doing that here. 567 00:34:56,253 --> 00:34:58,562 Not with the polygamy thing going on. 568 00:34:58,733 --> 00:35:02,362 Polygamy is illegal in Utah, and not practiced by the majority. 569 00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:07,891 But it goes on, judge. It goes on. Like he said, often with underage girls. 570 00:35:08,053 --> 00:35:11,568 Now, Utah's a fine state. Fresh air, fine people, Orrin Hatch. 571 00:35:11,733 --> 00:35:14,725 You got it all. But this polygamy thing... 572 00:35:14,893 --> 00:35:17,453 ...he's dying to get his day in your court. 573 00:35:17,613 --> 00:35:21,003 Don't make his day, judge. Don't give this son of a bitch what he wants. 574 00:35:21,173 --> 00:35:22,765 Boot his girlie ass out of here. 575 00:35:22,933 --> 00:35:27,449 Otherwise, you'll be spoon-feeding him the soapbox of a lifetime. 576 00:35:27,613 --> 00:35:30,571 Look at the way he's drooling already. 577 00:35:30,733 --> 00:35:34,806 So is the old guy, but that's the mad cow. 578 00:35:35,453 --> 00:35:37,921 - I'm dismissing the charges. - Too bad, Al. 579 00:35:38,093 --> 00:35:41,085 And I'm banning the both of you from Utah for life. 580 00:35:41,253 --> 00:35:43,642 What? I got rezzies at Deer Valley. Already booked. 581 00:35:43,813 --> 00:35:46,168 You'll be booked here if you don't shut your mouth. 582 00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:48,767 Get out, both of you. I never want to see you again. 583 00:36:00,373 --> 00:36:01,965 They weren't out very long. 584 00:36:02,133 --> 00:36:04,203 Do you think they considered me sane? 585 00:36:04,373 --> 00:36:06,887 If only they could know you like I do. 586 00:36:07,053 --> 00:36:09,521 I don't think I could handle prison, Shirley. 587 00:36:09,693 --> 00:36:12,651 I hear the fights in the yard can get pretty rough. 588 00:36:12,813 --> 00:36:14,485 Stiff upper lip, Catherine. 589 00:36:14,653 --> 00:36:16,962 Will the defendant please rise? 590 00:36:17,133 --> 00:36:18,452 Madam Foreperson. 591 00:36:18,613 --> 00:36:20,729 Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict? 592 00:36:20,893 --> 00:36:22,246 We have, Your Honor. 593 00:36:22,413 --> 00:36:25,849 In the matter of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts v. Catherine Piper... 594 00:36:26,013 --> 00:36:28,652 ...on the charge of attempted murder and arson... 595 00:36:28,813 --> 00:36:32,203 ...we find the defendant, Catherine Piper, not guilty... 596 00:36:32,373 --> 00:36:34,329 ...by reason of temporary insanity. 597 00:36:34,493 --> 00:36:37,371 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your service. 598 00:36:37,533 --> 00:36:40,172 You are dismissed. This court is adjourned. 599 00:36:40,333 --> 00:36:43,325 - Thank God they bought it. - Ha-ha. 600 00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:46,724 Well. I guess prison's gonna have to wait. 601 00:36:46,893 --> 00:36:48,884 Well, until your next crime. 602 00:36:49,053 --> 00:36:51,203 Oh, thank you, Shirley. 603 00:36:51,373 --> 00:36:53,603 You've been almost like a big sister to me. 604 00:36:54,853 --> 00:36:56,525 I'm touched. 605 00:37:00,333 --> 00:37:02,927 Melvin Palmer, of all people, to get us off. 606 00:37:03,093 --> 00:37:06,403 I now have to feel indebted to him. Can you imagine? 607 00:37:06,573 --> 00:37:07,847 - He's a good guy. - Good guy? 608 00:37:08,013 --> 00:37:10,083 - I like him. - How can you possib...? 609 00:37:10,253 --> 00:37:12,050 Oh, my. 610 00:37:16,173 --> 00:37:18,892 Okay. Let's hear it. 611 00:37:19,053 --> 00:37:21,726 You are so sexy. 612 00:37:21,893 --> 00:37:24,009 - So are you. - Thank you, Denny. 613 00:37:24,173 --> 00:37:26,243 - We're off to a party. Really? 614 00:37:26,413 --> 00:37:29,564 I thought maybe Carl was taking you to his favorite club. 615 00:37:29,733 --> 00:37:31,610 - Very funny. I'm not kidding, Carl. 616 00:37:31,773 --> 00:37:34,685 After a few days in a dude ranch, you actually look good to me. 617 00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:36,366 Don't you agree, Denny? 618 00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:39,242 Denny? 619 00:37:39,413 --> 00:37:41,608 Denny. - Denny. Hey. 620 00:37:41,773 --> 00:37:43,968 Denny. - What the hell is wrong with you? 621 00:37:44,133 --> 00:37:46,010 - Are you all right? - I think he bit me. 622 00:37:46,173 --> 00:37:49,006 What? Will you ever change? 623 00:37:59,533 --> 00:38:01,125 I feel a little gypped. 624 00:38:01,293 --> 00:38:04,729 That whole trip was just unsatisfying. 625 00:38:04,893 --> 00:38:06,326 How so? 626 00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:08,290 I don't know. 627 00:38:11,573 --> 00:38:14,645 Maybe it was the stark contrast between the magnificent scenery... 628 00:38:14,813 --> 00:38:16,644 ...and those awful ranching people. 629 00:38:16,813 --> 00:38:19,088 At least you and I got to spend time together. 630 00:38:19,253 --> 00:38:23,246 Oh, please. You only had eyes for barnyard animals. 631 00:38:23,413 --> 00:38:26,769 Denny, you think I was too rough on Utah, playing the polygamy card? 632 00:38:26,933 --> 00:38:29,493 It was cheap. But, hey, they came after us first. 633 00:38:29,653 --> 00:38:32,770 We have to take another trip. This one didn't count. 634 00:38:34,693 --> 00:38:37,082 - They were wrong about our outfits. - We were hot. 635 00:38:37,253 --> 00:38:40,848 - We're always hot. - Irene loved me. Could you tell? 636 00:38:41,013 --> 00:38:42,492 - Lan didn't. - No. 637 00:38:44,653 --> 00:38:48,202 The best sex to be had is with the Irenes of the world. 638 00:38:48,373 --> 00:38:50,125 - Do you know that? - I didn't, actually. 639 00:38:50,293 --> 00:38:53,808 Oh, yeah. See, the thing is, women who look like that... 640 00:38:53,973 --> 00:38:58,444 ...make love like it's the last sex they'll ever have because it very well could be. 641 00:38:59,093 --> 00:39:00,287 - What? - Nothing. 642 00:39:00,453 --> 00:39:02,728 Just absorbing your latest pearl. 643 00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:11,365 You know, you look at the lans and the Melvin Palmers. 644 00:39:12,133 --> 00:39:15,603 Most men are so starved for male friendship. 645 00:39:16,213 --> 00:39:18,204 - We're blessed, Denny. - Of course we are. 646 00:39:18,373 --> 00:39:21,251 I'll bet we're the only ones who shared the same sleeping bag. 647 00:39:21,413 --> 00:39:24,530 - Yeah. - Oh. I'm sorry about the erection. 648 00:39:25,733 --> 00:39:26,768 I'm over it. 649 00:39:31,333 --> 00:39:34,245 - We really are the best couple I know. - Mm-hm. 650 00:39:34,413 --> 00:39:37,007 And we only get better. 651 00:39:37,173 --> 00:39:38,367 We do. 652 00:39:40,813 --> 00:39:42,405 We do.