Previously on boston legal...
I have an 80% chance of getting alzheimer's?
Have you been feeling other symptoms lately?
Sometimes I feel a little foggy
I don't seem to always get things we all know it we laugh it off
We sayisn't the mad cow cute?
At what point do we all admit the man needs help?
The firm is going broke?
We may have to shut our doors
Did I know this and forget?
You've been almost like a big sister to me
If you knew this crazy catherine piper...
Do you think they considered me sane?
If only they could know you like I do
Uh...
Hello dear
May I help you?
Yeah I'm looking for a lawyer
Oh yes I suspected as much
You're in a law firm
Uh what have you done dear?
Who'd we do sweetheart?
Then they rescinded my admission
And now I would like to sue them
(Laughs) of course you would
Uh katie will help you dear
Hello
Who are you?
Carl sack may I help you?
May I ask
And I think I may being uh a senior partner
Just whwhat... what are you doing here?
I work here dear
You work here?
Yes dear
Who hired you?
I think if shirley schmidt had hired you
She would've told me
Really? Does she tell you everything?
And she left me a contact number...
If you can imagine
Well that's lovely
Did she tell you her calls
Were being forwarded to her younger sister?
Hello who's calling please?
Is it the pushy man?
Boom
Okay denny
I want you to count backwards by sevens from a hundred
Why?
93
Uh 86
81
75
44 I meant to say
4 uh 1984
Like the orwell
74
Who the hell wrote that?
No no you were down to 74 not 84
W-Whatever
74
Hell of a year'67 the sox won the pennant
Jimmy lonborg pitched a 2 hitter second game
And yaz plunked two out hell of a game
Jose santiago against uh bob gibson
Gibson pitched uh three timeswon the series
Um...
Don't tell me uh... uh... josh pecker
Hell of a pitcher pecker (laughs)
Who's the best hitter?
Uh that's uh that black guy uh the um
Ortiz david ortiz
Barack obama
He's half hawaiian half kenyan half black and half
Uh halle berry
(Man) it has progressed
Last year we were at stage 3
Which is basically mild cognitive decline
Now it's more like stage 4 which is moderate
Talk to me like I'm in the room would you?
I am
You remember yesterday very well
But forming new memories is obviously more difficult
Cut to the punch line
You're in the early stages of alzheimer's
We're not talking about precursor's anymore
It's here
Yeah you find a friend with a prescription
For ritalin or adderall and you pop some pills
To help study and stay focused the day of the s.A.T.
I got a perfect score
And I was accepted to harvard...
(Chuckles) which is fairly newsworthy
And that sparked a whole debate in the comments section
Is it ethical is it not
And the boston papers picked it up
And suddenly I'm in the middle of this controversy
That harvard wants no part of
So they rescind my offer of admission
(Purrs and makes popping sound)
Well I believe taking a controlled substance
Without a prescription actually is illegal
No it's a study aid
Just one step above potent coffee
Get me reinstated at harvard
I didn't do anything to deserve this
I mean they're singling me out
And now no school will take me
Where are your parents with all this?
It was their dream to see their little girl go to harvard
I have to fix this
I screwed it up...
And I have to fix this
What are you doing at my desk?
Oh oh ii was just straightening up
You're not my assistant
Yes I am dear
No I have an as where is she?
I fired her
You
Too pretty too young she's a distraction
All right I'm calling security
Look honey you sure you want to make trouble
For shirley's sister?
I mean after all
Your name is catherine piper
I also have cancer dear
There it's out
I am desperate for a distraction
I'm sorry I didn't come here to indulge...
You have cancer?
Not really but I could get some if you'd like
Oh 911
Look if I could just work here on a temporary--
(Theme to 'the practice' ringtone plays)
Oh sorry
(Beep)
911
What's the emergency?
(Slams down receiver)
Did you point out
I didn't actually violate any policy or
They're citing honestymoral character
Uh everybody's doing it
I realize that but
But you went public margie
We can take it to court
But I wouldn't expect to be successful
Oh wewe have to try
I have geared my whole life toward going to harvard
I just... (sighs)
I need to try
Please
I don't know jerry
Getting it without prescriptions
Well that's not much of an argument
Ah
You could argue that rescinding her admission is arbitrary
Oh alanum hey jerry
Alan there's a drug
It's called uh dimebolinsomething like that
It's from russiait stems off alzheimer's
Denny slow down
I can't at the moment
See? That's what margie takesthat and ritalin
Ritalin I love ritalin
I'll take what I wantand right now I want dimebolin
And you've gotta help me get it
You okay jerry?
Academic doping...
It has such a stigma to it
What about emotional doping?
What do you mean?
I take my little helpers to...
Do you think it reflects poorly
On my moral character?
No
What's the difference?
Mostly
And second you have a specificdiagnosed condition jerry
Three years ago you couldn't even make eye contact
I take pills that affect my brain
To help me perform better
Jerryi'm the first one to say
We have an overmedicated society
We've got 3 year olds on antipsychotics
People who don't even have high cholesterol take statins
People take sleep aids when maybe they should just
But that's not to say that many drugs don't do a lot of good
They save lives
Who might otherwise not
You fall into that category
Popping pills to... (scoffs)get better sat scores
That's...something different
You are not working here catherine
That much has been decided
Where you could sexually ravage me
With no witnesses to say it didn't happen?
We're here because I'm told you're a friend of alan's
And as a courtesy to him and you
I thought I would at least give you
An opportunity to explain why you're doing this
And I'm bored
All my friends are dead
Oror mountain climbing or...
Honestly aassuming I were qualified to be your assistant
Uh would you employ somebody my age?
Probably not
I got that on tape dear
Now I can sue you for age discrimination
Best you keep me onavoid the controversy
Get out catherine
I didn't cheati took medicine
To help my brain function at its highest level
You didn't have a prescription for the medication
Admit to taking unprescribed adderall
To improve their own academic performance
But nobody's expelling them
They're claiming it shows poor moral character
And I reject that
Take prescription stimulants to stay alert
Take drugs for narcolepsy so that they can work all night
So that they could do their work more effectively
Certainly you're aware
John f kennedy was a graduate
As was the unabomber
F.D.R.
Hitler's foreign press secretary
Numerous literary figures emerson thoreau
And the cardinal archbishop
Who shielded child molesters from prosecution
For faculty
My point is... harvard's not perfect
But neither am I
But at every opportunityi endeavor to be
The best possible version of myself
The early trials have been encouraging
It's in the stage 3 trials now
I want it
Because it's not f.D.A. Approved
This drug is a long way
I don't care
Mr crane I'm not allowed to prescribe this medication
And even if I were and didyou still couldn't get it
Since it hasn't been
How long before it's available to the public?
My guess is at least two yearsprobably three
The f.D.A. Hasn't even analyzed the data of the trials
Ii'lli'll be dead in three years
Where's the drug? Who's got it?
Well pfizer just bought the rights
But nobody can just say okayi'll give it to you
Unless you get yourself enrolled in a clinical trial
But I think it's fully booked
Let's be fair
It's not just the s.A.Tthat gets a person admitted
Of course not
Margie in fact is also a national merit finalist
Captain of her swim teamclass valedictorian
From thousands of national merit finalists
Thousands of captains and thousands of valedictorians
But this oneyou offered admission
Yes until she admitted she had used brain enhancement drugs
As do thousands of other students
Do you have a way to weed all of them
And there's actually no policy at harvard
Explicitly forbidding what you term academic doping
Is there?
I think in future
So you intend to enforce future rules against her
Do you think that's fair?
We consider her actions to be immoral
To make our admissions decisions accordingly
How sweet
Listen th--That part
About me being desperate for a distraction
It isn't fair carl
I have my health
A--And my mind is as sharp as--As...
(Stammers)
Tototo keep us alive
Even thrive
And you don't know what to do with us
I was thinking... if I were to come up
With something I could sue for
Something legitimate
And it could make the firm money
Uh... I suppose
If you had a legitimate cause of action
Then we would
Drugs
Uh okay they make them too expensive
Inflation
Uh our social security payments
Don't keep pace
No
Oh look some jobs still have a mandatory retirement age
No
(Sighs) these are all legitimate
It has to directly impact you
Harm you
Look how insensitive you're being
Th--This is exactly the problem
We're just shoved aside as a nuisance
I can't even watch television shows for god sake
Because the networks consider me irrelevant
You'd think they don't program for anybody over 50
Is it any wonder
I'm out knocking over convenience stores?
You actually may have something there
They're supposed to serve the public
Okay catherine...
We'll take that case
I'm over 50 myself...
And I want something to watch
How we doing?
Ahh
I got a hearing before judge peyton tomorrow
We'll take our best shot
Shirley's at the fat farm you hear?
Why? She's not fat
You know brides
It's all about how they look in their dress
Ah
You know the best part of having uh... mad cow?
Not often...
Yeah well...
What I'm not okay with is...
We go before judge peyton in the morning
Yeah you told me
You gonna stay here all night jerry?
It's not even clear
Those drugs gave her all that much of an advantage
She scored 99th percentile on the practice test
Most kids get a bigger advantage
By taking the s.A.T prep program
They actually can boost scores by 150 points
Those programs are legitimate
And not affordable to kids like margie let's face it katie
The rich have such a leg up in this college racket
According to one chancellor in ivy league schools
Poor applicants really only get a shot at 40% of the slots
The rest are reserved for families of privilege
But jerry you cannot be a fan of academic doping
I'm just saying...
Life isn't an even playing field
Weaker than...
Meaning you?
Jerry you're not weaker than you have asperger's
You have no idea how afraid I am
To leave my apartment
Every day...
Every morning
It seems you win that battle every day
Yeah... on drugs
You can't sue the networks
The airwaves judge are a public trust at least as far
As the broadcast networks are concerned
I mean bungee jumping might be regulated
Are you saying that those outfits
Would have a duty to service the elderly?
No that would be unreasonable
But to require a broadcaster to program for everybody isn't
Mr suck
Sack
When it made practical business sense to exclude the old
But not today
Americans over 50 make up the fastest growing market
It's about money not how many
Really? Gee I would've never guessed that
The baby boomers now all over 50
Earn $2 trillion in annual income
Yes and people over 50 account for half of that too
Choose your statistic go ahead I've got you
We've got more money we spend more money
We watch more television go to more movies
And yet we're the focus of less than 10% of the advertising
All the networks want to do is skew younger
Kid shows for kids
You know the only show
Unafraid to have its stars over 50 is \cf0 "b"--\F1\fs24
Gee I can't say it it would um break the wall
Oh mr suck
It's still sack
I can't tell the networks what shows to make
No but you can order them not to discriminate
What they're doing intentionally excludes a class of society
That's bigotry
You know we should be able to turn on our damn televisions
And see something
Other than reality shows aimed at fourth graders
Slightly smarter than fifth graders
And scripted shows
Running around in suits or doctor scrubs
Old people the ones with intelligence
Don't want to watch that crap we're fed up!
You know the networks might think we're dead but we're not
We're very much alive with working brains
Denny?
What's wrong?
I was...
Dreaming about shirley
We were on a bench
She asked me to marry her
What a dream
Were my eyes closed when you came in?
Yeah
You must have nodded off
You ready?
The supreme court in fact refused to rule on it
I'm sure if one of their friends were dying
We would've had a different result
Oh come on
Why can't mr crane take the drug and simply assume
All the inherent risks if he so chooses?
Because we don't let people take drugs
While they're still in the investigative stage
And with good reason
Think of the potential for abuse
Potential for abuse?
Which could be worse
And it's possible the disease could take years to progress
He could have many healthy years while we
There is still so much
Yes and we'll assume all of the risks
Do I ever get to speak?
I'd prefer you didn't we're wasting precious time
Mr shore I am a superior court judge
I have to take my cues from the appellate court
On this issue the law is clear
A patienteven a dying patient
Has no constitutional right to experimental treatment
(Scoffs)
So this is what I will do I'll certify it
To the massachusetts supreme court
To give you what you want
We are adjourned
So now what?
We go to the state supreme court
There's nine of them
Let's hope that at least one has a relative
Who has an incurable disease
When was the last time a pretty lady sat next to you
And sucked on your ear lobe?
And don't count the number of times
You had to pay for it
I'm eating my lunch
Oh come on sweetheart throw an old lady a bone
You are...
A shocking woman!
Look judge I know this is ex parte
Or some whatever uh uh
I mean the airwaves are a public trust am I right?
She's trying to suck on my ear
That's what she's doing
Outrageous!
Catherine go inside the courthouse
I'll meet you there now
(Scoffs)
Ahem I apologize judge
You ask me
Ah
And that smutty mouth
That what you watch?
Silence!
(Chuckles) uh well you know judge
Well a lot of people are on it while they're watching
They no longer give television their undivided attention
Or we're texting or on the internet
So the producersthey dumb down the plots
Make it easier to keep up with while their viewers multitask
Really?
Kids nowadays
Watch an average of three hours of television a day
That's while being distracted
People over 55 we watch 6 hours a day
And we really watch
So why aren't they programming for us?
You know come on do these idiots a favor judge
Send these network bozos a clue be a leader
And we can't wait for congress after all
Because well they're bozos too
These are their minds they're messing with
We don't even know the longterm damage
Now obviously
Short of requiring urinalysis at the s.A.T.S
We can't monitor who is or isn't using
But we can take a stand against the ones
Who are brazen about it
Who defend it as acceptable and fair
Simply putwhat margie coggins did
Was decidedly unfair
Not in keeping with the ideals of harvard
(Jerry) I got into harvard
Harvard rejects over 90% of its applicants
That's 90% of the best high school students
The rest don't even bother applying
The problem is
Every parent wants their kid to go to harvard
Parents push nudge some kick
Look at the climate we've created
And advanced placement students cheat
Not once or twice but on a regular basis
She didn't she didn't get the test answers ahead of time
She didn't copy her neighbor's paper
She used her own brainyes she used
A prescription stimulant to stay focused and alert
At least 30% of college students admit to doing the same thing
Not only are there currently no laws against it
There are currently no rules
These kids grow up in a pervasive drug culture
We've got medications not just to treat diseases
But simply to help you do things better
Be it sex urinating digesting
We've got some to boost energy others to help you sleep
Better life
Is used off label by many to boost brain power
Personally...
I've tried medication to help with my asperger's
Some worked
They made me feel safer emotionally
Should I not get that right?
Or are drugs for emotions okay but cognition no?
Or should the rule be for disorder yes
But enhancement no?
For the ones she took
True but many kids do this she's no different
Except she got caught
She didn't get caught she was simply honest about it
Honesty that's the infraction
That's getting her bounced on moral character grounds
Hypocrisy might be a better word
Oh!
< I> (mendelssohn's "wedding march from
'A midsummer night's dream'"playing)
What are you doing?
I'm giving the bride awayremember?
(Chuckles) oh
I'm practicing
(Turns music off)
I want to get it right
And she's gonna make a magnificent bride...
For the seventh time
(Laughs) yeah
Need something?
Denny the massachusetts supreme court
They said no
(Normal voice) any appeal?
Wellto the u.S. Supreme court
But they've already refused to hear this very argument so...
I'm not sure
We can try to get you into the clinical trials
We could go to russia
We could
So we could go to atlanta
It's another georgia
That the russians have gotten involved with
Then we'll go to the real russia
They got magnificent salmon streams
And no fish farms
What a road trip
(Laughs) that would be something
Go flyfishing with putin
Right after the wedding
Off to russia
(Chuckles)
All right
With one ruling
The plaintiff didn't have a prescription
I am not ordering harvard to reinstate her
We're adjourned
(Margie gasps)
Wh-What do I do now?
(Makes popping noise)
Hmm
Well... this...
Would be... a-A lecture I guess
You said you geared your whole life
Toward getting into harvard
And now you think it's the end of the world
That... (makes popping noise)
It's this very
Mr espensonyou did get into harvard
And it changed nothing
I was still ridiculedharvard didn't change it
But I was so sure law school would
So I studied studied made top of my class
It changed nothing
But I was positive making partner would
Well... guess what (chuckles)
None of it can give you self-Acceptance
A different drug?
Exactly and--No. No!
For self-Acceptanceyou need to go
To a far deeperperhaps darker
Harvard isn't going to give you what's most important in life
Trust me
At first I thought this case was like every other case
Brought by this... ridiculous law firm
Ridiculous and outrageous
Ageism is one of the last socially condoned bigotries
And it is rampant in this broadcast network business
When we watch the most television
And spend the most money?
My godthere are 87 million of us
And that number will grow by 31 million more by 2020
Are you really telling me that it doesn't make sense
To make television shows that we want to watch?
F I am to assume
That the industry is not run by a bunch of idiots
Then I can only conclude that it's dominated by prejudice
The case stands
Adjourned
(Gallery murmuring)
(Chuckles) well well well
Congratulations catherine
So beautiful
To me
You are
To me
Denny
Oh hey...
Uh I was uh...
Just practicing
Listen I um...
I appreciate you being such a...
Well a great sport about this
I know that on some level it
(Alan) what?!Oh my jiminy christmas!
Denny! Denny! We're goin' back! We're goin' back!
The case! The case! The case!
We're on our way!
Rrussia?
No washington! The massachusetts supreme court
On their own initiative
Petitioned the us supreme court
Our case!
What?!
We're going back to the supreme court!
When?
Next week
Next week?
Next week!
Oh!
(Both) supreme court! Supreme court! Supreme court!
(Alan) sorry carldon't mean to exclude you
Oh!
Supreme court! Supreme court!Supreme court! Supreme court!
(Typing)
Working late again?
It's a myth the workload drops when you make partner
Get out while you still can
Jerrycan I say something?
Mm
Your comment about you being weaker than...
I've been thinking about it and I disagree
I quite think you might be
The bravest person I've ever met
Why?
Just the way you take on your various challenges every day
(Sighs) thanks
How about we go for a drink?
We had a good day
We actually lostcome to think of it
Jerrylet's go for a drink
Do you think the supreme court
When they agreed to take this case
(Laughing) I don't know
Maybe they want a rematch
Ha! You'll kick their asses again
(Laughs)
They'll have to bring in more justices
I think they're only allowed the nine
(Laughs)
Don't be ridiculous
Well what better way to go out?
My last case in front of the supreme court
Now there's a finale alan
They should put it on tv
We'd get ratings
If they promoted us
Of course I think there's a law against promoting us
Seems to be
What would you do if you retired denny seriously?
Fish
Every day?
Not every day I'd have sex some days
Maybe I should invite ruth bader ginsburg
To come to nimmo bay with me
What about me?
Oh won't they be so happy to see us again?
The rematch
(Laughs) the rematch
Grand finale
Ahh
I made another decision today
Which is?
I'm not dying
I like that idea
I'm gonna get my hands on this drug one way or another
Damn right
And even if I fail
They say if you keep getting excited about life
The blood rushes to your brain better
I'll love life alan
Even if it kills me
I'll fish I'll be with you
I'll love life alan
To be closer to you
Here we come
Distributed by john doe