1 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,756 Ah. Captain. 2 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,090 You're at my desk. 3 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,985 Just what I want to see first thing in the morning. 4 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,636 You're three minutes late, peralta. 5 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:11,845 Not my fault. 6 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,096 I had a plumbing problem. 7 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:14,973 (Phone alarm ringing) (Groaning) 8 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,058 (Grunting) 9 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,646 Which reminds me, I'm going to need a new, departmentally-issued phone. 10 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,607 Oh, come on. Really? I'm a few minutes late, 11 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,293 so you're going to call me out in front of everyone? 12 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,110 Good idea. Everyone? 13 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,821 Gather around so I can call out peralta in front of you. 14 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,866 Okay. Fine. I was three minutes late. 15 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,910 I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong. 16 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,912 Oh, it's more than one thing. Uh-oh. 17 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,497 Let's start with the kristov murder. 18 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,850 It was an amazing solve. I got him to confess in 20 minutes. 19 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,209 You also mislabeled the evidence. 20 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:45,796 So that confession is worthless if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake. 21 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,173 Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork. 22 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,675 Here are two pictures. 23 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:54,346 One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. 24 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,682 Can you tell which is which? 25 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,728 That one's the dump? They're both your locker. 26 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,289 Ah, I should have guessed that. He's good. 27 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,733 This folder is labeled, "undies, dirty." 28 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,819 So I won't confuse it with "undies, clean." 29 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,529 Also, who cares about all these rules? 30 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,031 I have more felony arrests than any other detective here. 31 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:16,785 You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective. 32 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:17,869 (Peralta gasping) 33 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:19,788 Algernon! (All exclaiming) 34 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,790 You guys, algernon's back! (Mouse squeaking) 35 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,918 Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together. Now. 36 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,714 (Whispering) He's grumpy. 37 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,133 (Theme music playing) 38 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,488 Jeffords: Okay, detectives. Let's get started. 39 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,990 Sanfiago. 40 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,718 Where are we with the Jay street drug bust? 41 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,535 There are 12 keys of coke unaccounted for, 42 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,555 but we just got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment. 43 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,331 Good. Take boyle and Diaz. 44 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,916 Dream team. Jeffords: Peralta. 45 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,127 Brief us on the vandalism case. 46 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,970 Well, there's no easy way to put this, sarge. 47 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:12,341 But someone has been painting wieners on squad cars. 48 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:13,675 And apparently, 49 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,803 they won't stop until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn. 50 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,139 Oh, that's what he's been drawing. 51 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,933 But, what are those two little round things at the bottom? 52 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,018 It's a butt. 53 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,645 The butt? 54 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,439 I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman. 55 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,191 Did you just say "genital-man"? 56 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,860 Because, if so, kudos. And, yes, I have a plan. 57 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,529 I'm going to plant a decoy squad car as bait. 58 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:38,408 Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle here. 59 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,036 He's already tagged three uc vehicles. 60 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,329 He can clearly spot 'em. 61 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:43,914 You should take my minivan. 62 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,749 A minivan? (Laughing) 63 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,000 (All laughing) 64 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,627 You all got a problem with my minivan? 65 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:52,756 Because my wife doesn't like it either. 66 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,717 She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. 67 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:56,968 They roll. 68 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,655 It's a good idea, sergeant. We'll take the Van. 69 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,263 We? You're coming with me? 70 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,183 Sir, with all due respect, I don't need backup. 71 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,811 It's not backup. It's babysitting. 72 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,604 Babysitting. (Laughing) 73 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,483 Boyle: Oh. Look at this. 74 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,653 The drug dealer got a ba in art history from Brooklyn college. 75 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,196 Interesting, huh? 76 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,322 How is that interesting? 77 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:21,451 Well, it's surprising, because you would think he had studied... 78 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,203 Drugs. 79 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,747 I studied art history, too. Also not interesting. 80 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:26,998 Gina: Excuse me. 81 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,376 I know I'm just a lowly civilian administrator, 82 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,253 but I couldn't help overhearing 83 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,171 you're looking for some missing drugs? 84 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,257 As it turns out, my friend here, 85 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,758 cadene, is a psychic. 86 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,136 And she's ready to help you. 87 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,846 I do palms, tarot, 88 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,098 and I have a degree in numerology from the Internet. 89 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,434 Diaz: Ugh. Really, Gina, a psychic? 90 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,018 Gina: What? She's the real deal. 91 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,979 E.g., last week, she predicted 92 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,773 I would have a sensuous encounter 93 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,652 with a guy named Mark. And I did. 94 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,824 Is anyone here named Mark? 95 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,410 You're good. 96 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:08,039 Okay? She has had visions which, frankly, science cannot account for. 97 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,793 Also, she can get you amazing deals on ladies' footwear. 98 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,713 She's assistant manager at Leonard's designer shoes. 99 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,214 Carlene: Vision! 100 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,175 The drugs are in a location. 101 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,969 I see the color blue. She sees blue. 102 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,554 And yellow. (Gasping) 103 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,181 And I see the letter I. 104 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,974 R-s-t-w-e. 105 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,058 And "b." 106 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,936 So, basically, everyone's first eight guesses in hangman? 107 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:33,190 Thank you, carlene. Your entire life is garbage. 108 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,902 So, holt's coming on my stakeout now? 109 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,005 I made a mix tape with some very explicit rap on it, 110 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,155 and now, I can't sing along. 111 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,341 You made a mix tape? Yes, I still listen to cassettes. 112 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:43,700 This guy is all over me. 113 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,870 I mean, a captain on a minor vandalism case? Itsinsane. 114 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,623 What's insane is how you refuse to get with the program. 115 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,583 There is a new sheriff in town, Jake. 116 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,168 Well, I like the old sheriff. 117 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,293 I mean, mcgintley wouldn't care about a messy desk, 118 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,713 or all these stupid rules. 119 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,049 All: (Chanting) Tase! Tase! Tase! Mcgintley: Hey! 120 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,027 What the hell's going on here? 121 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,344 Science experiment. 122 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,679 I want to see what happens if I taser this cantaloupe. 123 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:05,931 Okay. 124 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,974 All: (Chanting) Tase! Tase! Tase! (Taser charging) 125 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,184 Ah! (Electricity crackling) 126 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,727 (All exclaiming) 127 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:11,812 (All gasping) 128 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,271 All: (Cheering) Yeah! 129 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,959 And mcgintley wouldn't care if I was three minutes late 130 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,343 because he was always an hour late. 131 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,486 And hungover. 132 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,799 And he would let you do literally anything you want if you gave him a hamburger. 133 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,023 He let you play your mix tape? 134 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,700 Okay. That's very funny. 135 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,410 Get a iPod, man. 136 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,246 Mix tape. 137 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:33,041 I just want to apologize for my fellow detectives' behavior. 138 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335 Okay, my granny also had... 139 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,254 (Whispering) The gift. 140 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,632 I feel that I will die soon. 141 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,844 She was right. She died two years later. 142 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:47,514 Your sincere belief in my gift means a great deal. 143 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,182 Vision. 144 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,102 The woman you love, the one you work with, 145 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,728 the scary one with the black hair. 146 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,188 Rosa? Yes. 147 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,597 She doesn't love you back. She will never love you back. 148 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:58,692 (Gina chuckling) 149 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,026 Say, "thank you," Charles. 150 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,486 She just told you your future. 151 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:02,904 Thank you. 152 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,747 You left without me. You were late. Again. 153 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,333 Well, I had to put on my undercover minivan disguise. 154 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,295 Say hello to Harvey norgenbloom. 155 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:22,716 Cpa. Recently divorced father of two with a dark sexual secret. 156 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,260 What's your cover? 157 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,511 Angry captain. 158 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,681 Okay, so you do not like my ensemble. 159 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,100 I'm just concerned that you may find it hard to pursue 160 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,436 a criminal on foot while wearing man sandals. 161 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,646 But the sandals define Harvey. 162 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,148 He's a sandals guy. 163 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:40,942 (Sighing) 164 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,588 Captain, why the babysitting? Why are you micromanaging me? 165 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,131 You think I want to be sitting here with you 166 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,406 instead of running my precinct? 167 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,116 Yes. It was a rhetorical question. 168 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,661 I've spent the last 12 years fighting for my first command. 169 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,139 And I'm not going to let you screw it up 170 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,807 because you refuse to take your job seriously. 171 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,083 Hey, I do take my job seriously. 172 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,919 I put away bad guys. That's what matters. 173 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,171 Well, so does doing your paperwork, showing up on time, 174 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,798 wearing proper footwear... That's on Harvey. That's not me. 175 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,050 Well, so, here's the deal. 176 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,653 You're going to have a superior officer babysitting you 177 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,929 on every one of your cases. 178 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,489 And when you show me that you can do your job, 179 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,308 every part of your job, perfectly, 180 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,144 then, I'll back off. 181 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,563 Okay. 182 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,858 Counter offer, I give you 50 bucks and you let me do whatever I want. 183 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,237 Fine. We'll do it your way. 184 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,616 From this point on, I'll do every part of the job perfectly. 185 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,618 Perfecter than perfectly. 186 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,621 It's, "more perfectly." You said that imperfectly. 187 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,207 I was testing you. You did perfectly. 188 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,668 Quick update on the tagger situation. 189 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:42,003 He is currently spray-painting our Van right now. 190 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,589 Police! Freeze! 191 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,840 Ow. Ow. Ow. 192 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,968 Oh. Sandal down. 193 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,052 Lost a sandal. 194 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,512 NYPD! Freeze! 195 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,472 I'm here. 196 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,849 You're busted. 197 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,351 I already got him. We got him. 198 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,649 Oh. Hey, captain. 199 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,026 Hi. So... 200 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,821 I was able to procure that $50 after all. 201 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,447 And my offer still stands. 202 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,533 Let me do whatever I want and the $40, 203 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,256 that's how much I actually have, is yours. 204 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:16,413 Fair enough. I only had 30 anyway. 205 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,957 Well, I guess, in order to get you to stop micromanaging me, 206 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,726 I'm going to have to get back to the most important piece 207 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,960 of police work there is. 208 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,503 Writing a perfect report. 209 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,171 Good. I'm anxious to read it. 210 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,258 And I'm anxious to restore my status as a lone wolf. 211 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,343 (Howling) 212 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,513 Anything else, detective? 213 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,740 Yeah, I'm going to do one more. 214 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,308 (Howling) 215 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,476 Lone wolf. 216 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,815 He's digging me. (Clicking tongue) 217 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,818 Hey, sarge? Do you know where we keep the glitter? 218 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,030 I just want to make sure this report for the captain is extra sparkly. 219 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,322 What are you doing, peralta? 220 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,135 Look, if! Have to do things his way, I'm going to do them my way. 221 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,077 (Laughing) Okay, man. 222 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,246 It was nice working with you. 223 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,248 I'm not scared of him, okay? 224 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,833 I'm not scared of anyone. 225 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,854 Oh, also, the tagger drew a penis on your minivan. 226 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,638 I'm sorry, please don't chase after me. What? 227 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,381 There's a penis on my minivan? 228 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,426 Santiago: High ceilings. 229 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:15,180 Three bedrooms. Why does every perp have a nicer place than I do? 230 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,324 You know what they don't teach you at the academy? 231 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,508 It's better to be a criminal. 232 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,768 Oh, no. 233 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,353 Tacky. The cabinets are blue. 234 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,481 Not a deal breaker, though. I'd just repaint it. 235 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,026 The psychic predicted the drugs would be found in something blue. 236 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,820 (In slow motion) I see the color blue. 237 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,365 She also made this really depressing prediction about my life. 238 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,452 (In slow motion) She will never love you back. 239 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,080 And if she's right about where we find the drugs, 240 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,682 that means she's right about the other thing. 241 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,541 Uh-huh. Kitchen. 242 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,713 Whoa. Jackpot 243 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,049 there's way more than 12 keys in here. 244 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,258 Where was it? 245 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,135 Baseboard, behind the hamper. 246 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,720 What color was the hamper? 247 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,972 Santiago: Green. Yes. The clothes hamper was green. 248 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,183 The clothes hamper was green! 249 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,685 Drinks on me. 250 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,021 (Laughing) You're weird. 251 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,317 (Keyboard clacking) Sorry this is taking so long. 252 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,277 I'm still writing up my report. 253 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,487 Pretty detailed. 254 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,573 Hey, Gina, can you look up what the humidity was about an hour ago 255 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,075 and also what moon cycle we're in? 256 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,411 No, sorry. Don't feel like it. No. 257 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,163 Thanks, Gina. 258 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,333 And now, to you. What's your name? 259 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,210 My name is banana fartman, md. 260 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,586 I don't believe you. 261 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,547 Come on, man. Just tell me who you are. 262 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,552 I need to fill this thing out perfectly, so my boss will get off my back. 263 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,218 Are you a minor? How old are you? 264 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,137 I'm 610. I'm a highlander. 265 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,156 Okay, you know what? I'm going to put that in there. 266 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,283 And then you're going to be tried as an adult highlander, 267 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,827 and they're going to cut your head off. 268 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,561 Is that what you want? 269 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:46,813 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, 270 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:50,483 but your psychic friend's predictions about the drug case were wrong. 271 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,819 Which means, all of her predictions are wrong. 272 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,989 Mmm-mmm. No way. She's never wrong. 273 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,908 We found the cocaine behind a green hamper. Never said "green," 274 00:10:58,992 --> 00:10:59,993 or the letter "'h.' 275 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,037 mmm-hmm. She said blue and yellow, Charles. 276 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,248 I don't know if there's any kindergarteners present, 277 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,792 but those two colors combined make green. 278 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,629 She also mentioned the letters "I" and "b." 279 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,757 And another name for a hamper is... 280 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,385 Lady? Bin? 281 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:18,928 Laundry basket. 282 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,763 Gina: Oh, little boo-boo. 283 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,724 Can you go be depressed over there? 284 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,018 You're bumming out my whole area. 285 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,979 Baby, I've got some bad news. 286 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,065 Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan. 287 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,736 No, you cannot have an SUV now. 288 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,989 Those things roll, baby! They roll! 289 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,824 Hey, look at this. 290 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,910 Your prints were on file. 291 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,661 Nice to meet you... (Clicking) 292 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,163 Trevor podolski. 293 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,542 Oh, podolski. Just like, uh, deputy police commissioner podolski. 294 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,463 Your father is deputy police commissioner podolski. 295 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,674 I'm not sure how things work here, 296 00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,094 but does that mean that your career is in my hands? 297 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,263 (Chuckling) Okay, you know what? 298 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,015 Yes. 299 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,314 (Beeping) 20.2 kilos. 300 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,024 I feel like we could round up to 21. 301 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,194 Or we could round down to 20, 302 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:20,114 take the extra 0.2, sell it to our friends. 303 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,451 (Laughing) 304 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,120 I'll call the da, Rosa, you log this in. 305 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,830 Charles, maybe watch Gina. 306 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,040 (Chuckung) 307 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,042 So, what are you doing tonight? Nothing. 308 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,254 What about you... Are doing tonight? 309 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,505 Nothing. 310 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,716 (Whispering) Cadene. 311 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,009 (Machine beeping) 312 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:44,806 Well, I hope you find something to do. (Chuckling) 313 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,809 I'm going to pee. That's what I'm doing tonight. 314 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,774 Deputy commissioner's son, huh? (Sighing) Yeah. 315 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,610 His decision to target cop cars makes a lot more sense now. 316 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,945 We gotta let him walk, right? 317 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,059 He defaced nine police vehicles, 318 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,925 and you caught him red-handed. Why would you let him walk? 319 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:06,786 (Scoffing) Captain, I did all the work on this perfectly. 320 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,872 I mean, my report has over 25 pages 321 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,417 of meticulous research, diagrams, and maps. 322 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,253 I even put an "about the author" section on the back. 323 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:18,214 I did everything you asked me to do, but... 324 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,841 This is above my pay grade. 325 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,175 You gotta make the call. 326 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,803 You're the arresting officer. It's your call. 327 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,889 I told you to do every part of your job, 328 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,392 and making this call is part of your job. 329 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,811 Yeah, but you think I should process him. 330 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:32,895 Mmm-hmm. 331 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,165 Well, if I do, the deputy commissioner could ruin my career, 332 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,189 and I'll end up on the streets selling my beautiful body for a can of beans. 333 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,569 Mmm-hmm. 334 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,139 Has anyone ever told you, "you look exactly like a statue?" 335 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,032 Yes. 336 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:45,742 Man. 337 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,785 You were totally right about the cocaine. 338 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,663 And you were also right about Rosa. Who's Rosa? 339 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,541 The woman I... the woman who doesn't love him back. 340 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:54,834 Carlene: Oh. Yes, that woman. 341 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,546 You know, it can be a burden to always know what's gonna happen in the future. 342 00:13:58,629 --> 00:13:59,839 Don't get out of the chair! 343 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:04,010 I just had a vision of you leaving this chair and getting seriously injured. 344 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,178 Oh, my god. 345 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,638 I should probably wheel you back to your desk. 346 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,658 Carlene: That is a great idea. Wheel you off a bridge. 347 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,933 (Laughing) I'm kidding. 348 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,227 Gina: (Singing) Oh, you're alone 349 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,938 uh-oh you're alone for life 350 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,940 peralta: So, here are my options. 351 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,651 One, I process podolski's kid, 352 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,421 he fires me, and I spend the rest of my career 353 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:25,281 as a detective third grade, which is literally pathetic. 354 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,367 No offense, Hitchcock. None taken. 355 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:31,120 Option two, I let him walk and I spend the rest of my life 356 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,663 with holt as my babysitter. 357 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,540 And honestly, when I think about 358 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,464 spending the rest of my life with a babysitter, 359 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,212 she's kind of a cute blonde named Erica. 360 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,099 And she always has pizza money and lets me stay up as late as I want. 361 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,549 How old are you in this scenario? 362 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,968 Anyway, the point is, holt cares more about 363 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:49,764 whether I "do my job right" than whether I have a job at all. 364 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,224 So, I'm taking suggestions. 365 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,975 I say piss off holt. 366 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,259 So we get to watch your career end right in front of us. 367 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,021 Okay. Thank you for that, Santiago. 368 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,457 I'm going to put you down for, "don't arrest." 369 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,442 And I'm also going to put your phone number on every urinal in rikers. 370 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,195 Don't arrest him. Just smack him. Hard. 371 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,924 With a phone book on a body part no one can see. You know what I'm saying? 372 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,783 So, you're suggesting police brutality? 373 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,952 (Laughing) I guess so, yeah. Why? 374 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,453 Hey, Scully. 375 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,122 Yeah. You want this collar? 376 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,685 Paperwork's all done and it's perfect. 377 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,792 The podolski kid? Are you kidding? 378 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,127 I just gave him my lunch. 379 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,586 Okay. 380 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:21,963 Boyle, what do you think? 381 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,923 I don't know, man. I'm lost. 382 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,008 The universe is a cruel and vexing puzzle. 383 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,094 I'm at the whim of the cosmos. 384 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,264 All right, I'm going to put you down for, "bummer." 385 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:35,351 And you can hang out in that category all by yourself. 386 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,520 Gina: Hey, everyone. 387 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,274 Hey, Jake. There's a very sexy, angry official here. 388 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,402 Deputy commissioner podolski. He's asking for you. 389 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:48,614 Very angry, elderly, sexy, furious. 390 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,285 Well, my career is over. 391 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,580 See you at the bottom, Hitchcock. No offense. 392 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,706 No, none taken. 393 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,419 Deputy commissioner. 394 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,587 Where's my son? 395 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,213 He is at my desk, 396 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,466 enjoying a nice glass of bubbly water 397 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:09,177 and some chocolate I was saving for a special occasion. 398 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,761 Hey, peralta. When you're done, 399 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:14,098 could you help me wrap up this massive cocaine bust I just pulled off? 400 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,391 Thanks. 401 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,851 Oh, deputy commissioner, 402 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,019 didn't see you there. 403 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,770 Sorry for interrupting. 404 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,106 Amy Santiago. (Sighing) 405 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,192 Trevor. 406 00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,319 What did you do this time? Nothing. 407 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,501 There you have it. He said he did nothing. 408 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,115 So I caught him red-handed, doing nothing? 409 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,701 I'm saying maybe it's a possibility you made a mistake. 410 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,220 You know, normally, I would agree with you, 411 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:38,039 but I've been pretty detail-orientated the last few hours. 412 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:41,626 You might not understand this, but Trevor is a special kid. 413 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,712 He makes straight a's. He's going to Duke next year. 414 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:45,963 Lacrosse scholarship. 415 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,049 Sometimes, boys... oh. 416 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,509 Just need to be boys. 417 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,385 You do realize 418 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,472 he did thousands of dollars' worth of property damage, though. 419 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,683 To police vehicles... look, I think we can all agree 420 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:00,394 that I'm ordering you to let this slide. 421 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,021 Because nothing happened. 422 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,065 This is officially out of your hands. 423 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,693 Would you actually mind just checking out my report? 424 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,905 It's pretty thorough, and I spent over an hour on fonts. 425 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,406 Kind of snazzy. So... 426 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,368 Oh, thank you. I'll get right to it. 427 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,411 Thanks. Trevor, let's go. 428 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,372 Have a good one. 429 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,551 Yes. 430 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:32,969 What's up with the chair? 431 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,389 Um, carlene predicted if I get out of this chair, 432 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,975 I'd get badly hurt. So, I'm not chancing it. 433 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,436 Oh, man, there's no more pudding cups left. 434 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:45,022 Ah! What did you do that for? 435 00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:47,692 There. Now, you're hurt in this chair. 436 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,860 You can get hurt anywhere, boyle. 437 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:50,945 And if you do, 438 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,447 it won't be because some shoe salesman predicted it. 439 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,618 You make your own destiny. 440 00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:06,210 Well, we don't have to worry about podolski's son anymore. 441 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,963 The case is officially out of my hands, no charges filed. 442 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,798 Why is there yogurt on this? 443 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,843 The deputy commissioner threw my report in Terry's trash can, 444 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,012 and he had been eating yogurt earlier. 445 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,346 Terry loves yogurt. 446 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,350 Something wrong? Kind of, yeah. 447 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,144 I called six precincts about this kid. 448 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:24,937 He's been brought in a dozen times. 449 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,939 Theft, vandalism, drunk and disorderly. 450 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,316 But he's never been processed. 451 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,943 His daddy comes in and bails him out every time. 452 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,486 He's a lucky little jerk. 453 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,155 No, iwouldn't say he was lucky. 454 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,781 I feel bad for this kid. 455 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,700 I mean, what kind of father 456 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,620 cares so little for his son that he lets him get away with everything? 457 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,957 Well, he's someone else's problem now, like you said. 458 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,043 It's out of your hands. 459 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,564 All right. I see what you're trying to do, but it's not going to work. 460 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,566 I'm not going to arrest him. I'm going to arrest him! 461 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,258 You want backup? Yes. 462 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,636 (Siren wailing) 463 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,891 What is this? You can't do this. 464 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,643 Get that thing out of here. 465 00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:04,894 Excuse me, sir. 466 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,187 Trevor podolski, 467 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,814 you're under arrest for vandalism and destruction of property. 468 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,107 But dad... what are you doing? 469 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,484 I told you to back off, peralta. 470 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,444 First off, the name's Santiago. 471 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,446 Detective Amy Santiago. 472 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,573 Second, I'm arresting your son. 473 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,367 Which, as I say it aloud, 474 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,535 seems like an unwise choice. 475 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,080 But it's the one I'm making. 476 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,207 Once again, my name is Amy Santiago. 477 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,626 You're being stupid, peralta. Don't be stupid. 478 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,294 I can make your life miserable. 479 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,838 Commissioner, please don't talk to my detective in that tone. 480 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,691 If you have a complaint, you can take it up with me. 481 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,968 You just made yourself a very powerful enemy, holt. 482 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,846 I'm going to be watching you, both of you, like a hawk. 483 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,367 You're going to have to try a little harder if you want to scare me. 484 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,643 I've been an openly gay cop since 1987. 485 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:49,063 So, you're not the first superior officer to threaten me. 486 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,815 You know how I'm still standing here? 487 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,775 Because I do my job. 488 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,527 And I do it right. 489 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,696 Damn, son! 490 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,614 Don't say "son." Sorry. 491 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:02,201 Peralta: Deputy commissioner, if you want to pick Trevor up, he'll be at the nine-nine. 492 00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,578 Let's go, fartman. 493 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,791 Carlene was wrong, Gina. 494 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:09,959 Rosa said it herself. 495 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,794 I'm in charge of my own destiny. 496 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,462 That means she wants me to make a move. 497 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,548 Mmm, but carlene was also right. 498 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,134 You did get hurt because Rosa punched you. 499 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,137 And the fact that Rosa punched you means she does not like you. 500 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,889 No. No, she punched me to prove carlene wrong. 501 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,182 Diaz: Move! 502 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,017 Oh, wait, I take it back. 503 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,769 She definitely is into you. 504 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,271 So much chemistry. 505 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,981 I know. It's crazy. 506 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,375 All right, let's get this meeting started. 507 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,443 Peralta: I'm not late. I'm here. 508 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,654 (Alarm beeping) 509 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,535 Right on time. 510 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,829 You're out of uniform, peralta. 511 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,706 Baby steps, captain. 512 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,541 Baby steps.