1 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,464 For the last time, the best cop movies, in order. 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,425 Training day, lethal weapon, and Fargo. 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,968 End of discussion. Peralta: Wrong. 4 00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:12,888 Die hard is the best cop movie of all time. 5 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,848 One cop heroically saving the day 6 00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,732 while everyone else stands around and watches. 7 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,185 It's the story of my life. 8 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:22,523 I like Turner and hooch. Tom Hanks, a reluctant friendship with a dog. 9 00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,650 That hits me where I live. 10 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:27,736 Robocop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence. 11 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,423 Oh, I thought you were listing things. 12 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,657 I was. I'm done. Okay. 13 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,409 Let's talk bad boys. That's the perfect cop movie. 14 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,286 Mr. Smith, looking fine. 15 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,289 A hot cup of tea Leoni. Come on. 16 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,543 Francois truffaut's breathless. 17 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:43,669 What? 18 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,337 Terry likes foreign films. 19 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,713 Okay. 20 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,840 There is a correct answer to this question, though. 21 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:51,969 So, gather round for the greatest cop film of all time. 22 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,855 Please refrain from texting during our presentation. (Clicks keyboard) 23 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,194 So, there's Hitchcock, and there's an old hooker. (Hitchcock groans) 24 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,726 (Laughs) Hitchcock: Come on, guys. 25 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,871 Thathappened four years ago. Shh. This is the best part. 26 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,772 She comes back, takes the wallet, 27 00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,399 and here she goes! 28 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,608 All: Oh! 29 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,987 (Theme music playing) 30 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:30,757 Peralta: Hey. I love the sweater. 31 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,801 Who you slaying tonight, lady killer? 32 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:36,054 Well, we shall see what we shall see. 33 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,682 No, you're dressed exactly like "the lady killer." 34 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,350 Boyle: Damn it. 35 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,145 This is Jeffrey dahmer's corduroys all over again. 36 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,606 All right. Let's get started. 37 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,775 Scully, where are you on digitizing the old case files? 38 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,737 As of yesterday, I am officially 1% done. 39 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,072 Jeffords: Why are you smiling? That's nothing. 40 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,134 Well, there's thousands of cases. And for each one, 41 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:59,369 I have to fill out 200 little box thingies on 50 different screens. 42 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,139 At least you get to sit on your butt all day. 43 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,789 That's actually the worst part. 44 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,833 My doctor said I have an anal canyon. 45 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,043 (All groaning) Oh, god. 46 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,795 Scully, why are you always telling us about your disgusting body? 47 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,965 I don't see anything. That's because it's all wart. 48 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,467 (Retches) 49 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,763 How are you married? Holt: Peralta. 50 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,723 Where are we on the Adams street burglary? 51 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,350 We are very close, captain. 52 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,895 Aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. 53 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,938 So, in conclusion, not at all close. 54 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,191 And the vickers street aggravated assault? 55 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,651 Peralta: Stalled out. 56 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,611 And the Calloway robbery also remains unsolved, 57 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,989 due to a lack of solving it, by me. 58 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,575 Sounds like someone's in a little bit of a slump. 59 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,826 I'm not in a slump. 60 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,037 You're not? Scoreboard. 61 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,997 Peralta: I don't slump, people. 62 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,374 I opposite-slump. 63 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:50,379 I pmuls. That's slump, backwards and it's what I do. 64 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,799 I pmuls all over this bitch. 65 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:54,883 Dismissed. 66 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,551 Slump. Pmuls. 67 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,138 Wait. 68 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,950 Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. 69 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,685 Someone died. No! 70 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,894 You won a prize! 71 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,163 I'm not getting better at this. 72 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,106 I'm concerned that the open-cases mound 73 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,232 of garbage on your desk 74 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,525 has become so much higher 75 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,276 than the closed-cases mound of garbage. 76 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,529 All right. Sir, let me hit you with a little analogy. 77 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,798 Are you familiar with race cars? 78 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,115 Formula one or stock? 79 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,259 That's already way more than I know about it. 80 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,202 The point is, I am a super awesome race car, 81 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,995 who's hit a couple of unlucky speed bumps. 82 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,348 There are speed bumps on a race track? 83 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,457 Is that not a part of car racing? It should be. 84 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,626 All I'm saying is, it's open road again. 85 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,461 I'm about to close a case. 86 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,588 Missing grandma, Helen sterrino. 87 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,549 Last Sunday, her grandson, judd, 88 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,926 reported she went out for bagels and never came back. 89 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,010 This morning, 90 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,680 we picked up an old lady matching her description exactly. 91 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,725 I showed her pictures of judd, and she said, and I quote, 92 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,145 (imitates old woman) That's my grandson. 93 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,215 What did I say about doing voices? 94 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,441 I'm a storyteller, sir. It's my craft. 95 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,901 Anyways, grandson's coming in, 96 00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:58,238 they reunite, and I throw another case on the old "solved it" pile. 97 00:03:58,780 --> 00:03:59,948 (Thuds) 98 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,076 Hey, my croissant. 99 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,958 You wanted to see me, captain? 100 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,127 Yes, the da wanted me to personally thank you 101 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,879 for your work on the Jay street drug bust. 102 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,672 That's why we do this, sir. 103 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:16,882 For praise? 104 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,653 There's a community outreach program that's very important to me. 105 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,471 I was wondering if you'd like to head it up. 106 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,514 Absolutely, sir. 107 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,976 Iwon'tjust head it up, I will head and shoulders it up. 108 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,104 I will dive in, swim around it, andjustbe 109 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,815 all together good with it. 110 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,359 Be more articulate when you speak to the children. 111 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,236 Yes, sir. I will make better mouth. 112 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:41,740 Boyle: Hey, sarge? 113 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,223 I need someone to fill out a lineup. 114 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,576 Will you be scary Terry? 115 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,828 Oh, I love being scary Terry. 116 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,663 He says what regular Terry's thinking. 117 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,624 This is taking too long! 118 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,626 I'm going to miss the farmer's market! 119 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,294 But I'm too busy. 120 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,421 I've got a special case I'm working on. 121 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,672 Uh, Hitchcock, 122 00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,108 boyle needs you to fill out a lineup. 123 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,801 Oh, great. I'll take my shirt off. 124 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,527 No one asked you to take your shirt off. 125 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,471 Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. 126 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,431 I can't hear you. Shirt's over my ears. 127 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,642 Hi, Rosa. 128 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,120 Oh, I like your shoes. They're a really pretty... what do you need? 129 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,312 Color. Okay. 130 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,731 You know how, every year, the precinct does that 131 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,066 junior police program seminar? 132 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,919 That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids 133 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,194 to become student snitches? 134 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,197 Mmm. No. The thing where we try to get at-risk kids... 135 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,366 Losers. To sign up to become junior police officers. 136 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,700 Snitches. What about it? 137 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,119 Captain specifically asked me to run it this year. 138 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,847 And I signed you up to do it with me. Here's the info. 139 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,456 Now, I've got to read something? 140 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,458 Greetings. Fine. 141 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,710 I guess I can help you with those at-risk kids. 142 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,254 (Scoffs) I don't need your help. 143 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,880 It's nothing personal, it's just 144 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,341 you're not a cop, so I'm not really sure you can help. 145 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,344 Mmm-Kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. 146 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,971 Notjoking. Bye. 147 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,849 Peralta: Ah. 148 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,809 Mr. and Mrs. Sterrino, I'm glad you're here. 149 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:53,270 May I present to you... (Imitates trumpet sound) 150 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,815 Oh, my darlings. Thank god I found you. 151 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,776 Oh, look at those beautiful cheeks. 152 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,444 I have no idea who this lady is. 153 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,655 I've never seen her before in my life. 154 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,866 What? No, she recognized you. 155 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,993 This is Helen. Who is Helen? 156 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,119 Helen: Oh! 157 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,163 There's my husband. Solomon. 158 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,999 I'm, I'm not really herhusband. 159 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,960 You're so much shorter than you used to be. 160 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,254 What did the Japanese do to you? 161 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,089 Different generation. 162 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:25,218 Okay. This is Ethel musterberg from the prospect heights senior center. 163 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,345 There was an ID card in her back pocket. 164 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,389 Why was your hand in her back pocket? 165 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,892 Well, she told me she didn't have any ID. 166 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:35,061 And unlike boyle, my first instinct was not to caress her butt. 167 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,272 Frisked. I frisked her butt. 168 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,442 It looks like this case remains unsolved, peralta. 169 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,193 Oh, my god. 170 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,029 I'm in a slump! 171 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994 Oh, cool. You're all here in the break room. 172 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,787 You asked us to come in here. What? 173 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,456 Here's a hypothetical quesfion. 174 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,041 Let's say I knew someone that, 175 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,444 for the first time in their career 176 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,170 was experiencing, like, a minor slump. 177 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,464 What do you think you would suggest to that person 178 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:03,691 if they were going through that? 179 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,915 Well, I haven't really been in a slump since my divorce. 180 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,511 So, I'd tell this person to maybe get divorced. 181 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:09,989 He'd have to get married first. 182 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,266 Okay. So, the suggestion to beat is, "get married and then divorced." 183 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,434 Rosa? 184 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,269 Fly to Montreal, hit a classy hotel bar, 185 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,687 bone a stranger. Slump over. 186 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,206 Yeah. Peralta: Wow, that sounds amazing. 187 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,273 That's a good one. 188 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,483 Sarge, what would you do? 189 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,817 Ten thousand sit-ups. 190 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:26,237 Okay. Do you have a backup plan in case my hypothetical person 191 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,782 can only do 9500? Or three? 192 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,676 What's going on in here? Peralta: (Sighs) Oh, no. 193 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,577 We're helping Jake's friend get out of a slump. 194 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,805 Holt: Or try working a case until it's solved, peralta. 195 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:38,333 I always find that closing cases is the best way to end a slump. 196 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,920 Thank you, captain. Jeffords: He's right. 197 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,338 You just need a win. 198 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,983 Pick your easiest, no-brainer case, and work it until it's done. 199 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,050 Peralta: Fine. 200 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,803 Right after I do Rosa's Montreal sex thing. That sounds fun. 201 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:50,971 Yeah. 202 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,306 Okay. 203 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,768 This is the junior police program, a.K.A. 204 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,228 "Mission possible." 205 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,437 (Music playing) 206 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,818 Your mission, should you choose to accept it, 207 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,153 is to get your life back on track. 208 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,030 (Gina coughs) Narc! 209 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,740 (All laugh) Santiago: Hey, Gina. 210 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,304 What are you doing? Gina: Oh, hi, Amy. 211 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,577 Since I have nothing to offer, since I'm not a cop, 212 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,621 I thought I'd just show up and learn. 213 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,140 You want to help me out here? 214 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,332 No, I think I'm good. 215 00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,583 (Breathes deeply) 216 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,670 I know you think getting in trouble is cool. 217 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,422 But let me show you what can happen 218 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,257 if you continue down this path. 219 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:31,219 Hey, yo. I'm an at-risk kid, and I think it's cool to sell drugs. 220 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,347 Hold up. Why does the kid selling drugs sound like he's black? 221 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,932 He's not. Well, why not? 222 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,768 Are you saying that black people can't sell drugs? 223 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,145 No, I'm not saying that. 224 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,981 If we have a black president, why can't black people sell drugs? 225 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,566 I'm so confused. 226 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,651 Black people can sell drugs. 227 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,903 All: (Chanting) Black people can sell drugs! 228 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:52,991 Black people can sell drugs! Black people can sell drugs! 229 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,285 Black people can sell drugs! 230 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,537 Black people can sell drugs! 231 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:58,788 (Grunts) 232 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:00,790 (Groans) 233 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,876 Jeffords: Don't make me hit you again. 234 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,173 Um, I'm building this doll house for my girls. 235 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,507 It's their birthday tomorrow. 236 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,009 I told my wife I'd get it done. 237 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,816 I had the same exact one when I was a kid. 238 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,639 Mom! Charles is hogging my doll house! 239 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,641 Grandma bought it for the both of us! 240 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,518 You want some help, big man? 241 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:21,936 I can do this. 242 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,229 (Sighs) 243 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,981 It's just driving me a little crazy. 244 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,650 Where do I affix the Princess tower, boyle? 245 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,486 Where do I affix it? 246 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,529 On the side of the turret. Not now, boyle. 247 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,573 Let a brother breathe. 248 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,117 Let a brother breathe. 249 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,579 Why would I swap cases with you? 250 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,332 I got multiple calls that a guy in the sackett towers 251 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,168 is dealing meth out of his apartment. It's a guaranteed arrest. 252 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,462 And, therefore, will have a ton of paperwork, 253 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,838 which I know you hate. 254 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,758 I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. 255 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,134 It's unsolvable. 256 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,845 And thus, shall have no paperwork. 257 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,515 You had me at "no paperwork." 258 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,141 That was the very end of the sentence. 259 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,685 All right, boyle. Let's hit it. 260 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,395 So, where are you going, peralta? 261 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,397 I am on my way to ending the slump. 262 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,316 I got a dunker, captain. Nothing but net. 263 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:11,194 Hey, slump. You're about to get nailed by the Jake-hammer. 264 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,331 So, you haven't solved any of your old cases 265 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,823 and yet, you've taken on a new one. 266 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,589 I mean, shouldn't you at least solve this 267 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,260 Helen sterrino missing-grandmother case first? 268 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,078 Or I could solve this super easy one, 269 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,521 get my mojo back, and move on to catching the zodiac killer. 270 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,517 Am I getting ahead of myself? No, you are not, Jake-rabbit. 271 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,501 I like Jake-hammer better. Let's go. Ah. 272 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,340 I did not think getting these kids to sign up would be this hard. 273 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,303 (Scoffs) These kids don't want to listen to you. 274 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,553 You're, like, smart and articulate. 275 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,013 So are you. Why am I offended by that? 276 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,016 They don't identify with you because you're not from the streets. I am. 277 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,768 Follow. Watch. Learn. 278 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,646 All right, listen up. 279 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,023 I know you think you're badasses. Ow. 280 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,483 But deep down, you're scared. 281 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,068 How do I know? 282 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,320 Because I've been that same scared kid. 283 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,614 And if you don't get your crap together, 284 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,367 I'm going to end up busting you and throwing you in jail. 285 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,660 Got it? 286 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,496 Remix, yo. (Beeps) 287 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,224 (Playing upbeat music) Throwing you in jail 288 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,291 throwing you in jail 289 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,876 (all laugh) 290 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,044 Throwing you in jail throwing you in jail 291 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,172 vvhatshappenmg? Itmnktheytelaughmg atyou. 292 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,673 That's never happened before. 293 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,342 I don't like it. 294 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,552 Got it? 295 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,431 (Whispers) Okay. 296 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,701 Peralta: Freeze! NYPD hands where I can see them. 297 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,935 Hands! Dontshoofll asjust practicing my minuets, 298 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,145 but I'll hold it down. 299 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,831 All right, flute man. Who else is in this apartment? 300 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:29,981 Where's the dealer? 301 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,001 I live here alone with my birds. (Birds screeching) 302 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,669 Peralta: What, you don't think I know this mo? 303 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,737 These are mules. They're drug mules. 304 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,322 They're bird mule drugs. 305 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,740 Drug-bird mules. 306 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:39,866 Boyle: Apartment's clear. 307 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,589 We got multiple calls about a dealer here. 308 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,120 I bet it's the silly kids down the hall. 309 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,580 They love prank calling me. 310 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,499 The only drugs in this apartment are for my heart, 311 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:49,959 my liver, my kidney, 312 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,461 my salivary glands, (sighs) 313 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,129 And my penis, and my feet. 314 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,925 Oh. The bird pooped on your shoulder. 315 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:01,179 No, wait. It pooped on your head, then dripped onto your shoulder. 316 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,826 Boyle: I'm telling you, it's good luck. 317 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,643 No, it isn't. Okay? 318 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,062 That's just something people say when a bird poops on you 319 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,873 to make you feel better because it's terrible. 320 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,690 Four coming in! 321 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,359 Oh, come on. 322 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:15,902 I was at the crime scene. 323 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,613 This guy comes up out of nowhere, confesses. 324 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,341 Well, he says he's got to make things right, 325 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,867 so he helps me track down his accomplices. 326 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,494 That is so great, man. 327 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,664 Looks like everything's coming up Hitchcock. 328 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,126 Hey, Jake, you busy? 329 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,504 Yes, I very clearly am busy. 330 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,923 The medical examiner's office just called, 331 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,758 they mishandled some evidence, 332 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,761 so the da is going to have to dismiss your last two busts. 333 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,137 (Groans) Great. 334 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,681 And the slump gets worse. 335 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,017 I don't think it's a slump. Honestly, you are straight-up cursed. 336 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:49,519 Good to know. 337 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,490 Can you hand me a paper towel, please, Gina? 338 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,493 There's no more left. 339 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,245 Yeah, that sounds right. 340 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,123 Uh. (Squelching) 341 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,249 Hey. 342 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,084 You're dripping on my carpet. 343 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,169 Oh, don't worry, sir. It's just urinal water. 344 00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,338 Clean urinal water. 345 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,756 You could eat off his shirt. 346 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,675 Why would I ever eat off his shirt? 347 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,970 Look. Sir, I don't know what's going on, but I think I'm cursed. 348 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,138 Cursed, huh? 349 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,740 The freakiest things have been happening to me. 350 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,158 I mean, I can't solve a case to save my life, 351 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,934 birds are unloading on me left and right, 352 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,477 and two seconds ago... 353 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,900 Hey, sarge, do we have any old t-shirts in here? 354 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,690 (Crashes) 355 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,317 (Breathing heavily) 356 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,570 Cursed. 357 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,655 Yeah, I've seen this kind of thing before. 358 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,967 Ithappened to a friend of mine back in the one-eight. 359 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,117 Detective Smith. 360 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,368 We called him smitty. 361 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,663 He thought he was cursed and, because cops are superstitious, 362 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,391 the whole precinct thought he was cursed. 363 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,167 But then, he found a case and he solved it, 364 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,770 and now he's married to Kate upton. No. 365 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,229 No one would go out on calls with him. 366 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,756 He responded to a riot at a gym without backup 367 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,639 and got beaten up by a girls' volleyball team. 368 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,011 It was actually quite violent. Boyle: Man! 369 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,721 Girls are so scary. 370 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,616 Holt: I don't want you out in the field again, peralta. 371 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,701 I'm pulling you from case work. 372 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,102 You can digitize old files with Scully. You're benching me? 373 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,937 No, no, no. Look. I've got a plan. 374 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,647 Give all my open cases to Hitchcock, 375 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,900 who's suddenly on a roll, and assign me 20 fresh ones. 376 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,276 Eventually, my luck will turn. 377 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,629 No, I don't think that's what's best for you or the squad. 378 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,906 Not until this blows over. And how long will that be? 379 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,991 Could be a week, could be a month. 380 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,160 Could be a year, could be a decade. 381 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,949 Sorry, we were just saying bigger and bigger numbers. 382 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,259 I don't know how to connect with these kids. 383 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,086 They're mean and shallow, and respect nothing. 384 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,064 I mean, what kind of person would they even listen to? 385 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,255 Gina: Hitchcock, 386 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,817 stop bringing your food in little tupperware containers. 387 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,843 It hurts my fingers when I'm trying to open it. 388 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:46,969 Hitchcock: Sorry. 389 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:52,600 Hey, Gina. That's a super cute... 390 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:54,727 What do you want? Sweater. Okay. 391 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:58,189 Rosa and I think it would be great if you'd talk to the kids. 392 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,483 Mmm. I thought only cops could help. 393 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,944 In this case, not being a cop might actually be better. 394 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,570 Mmm. That's true in all cases. 395 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,614 Cops are the worst. 396 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,844 "Enter the numbers from this report (keyboard clacking) 397 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,628 "Into the corresponding boxes on this screen. 398 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,331 "Then, fill out these fields." And I'm in a coma. 399 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,041 Hey, Hitchcock. 400 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,584 Help me out, man. I'm so bored. 401 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,020 Let mejump back on that murder with you. 402 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,754 No, I got it. 403 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,690 Comeon, man let me just see the file. No, don't touch it! 404 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,554 You're contagious. Everything could fall apart! 405 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,176 Peralta, leave Hitchcock alone. 406 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,386 Holt: Come here. 407 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,698 (Sighs) Now, I got in touch with smitty. 408 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,535 He says that you should rub this rabbit's foot with your left forefinger 409 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,936 and your pinky like this for good luck. 410 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,021 Okay? Now, you try it. 411 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,815 Okay. 412 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,319 It's definitely helping. I can feel it. 413 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,114 The curse is lifting off of me. 414 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,407 Ah, hand cramp. 415 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,075 Rub, rub, rub. 416 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:52,160 (Jeffords groaning) 417 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,453 (Sighs) 418 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,871 (Sobbing) 419 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,664 You okay? 420 00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,001 The fairy Princess castle has defeated me. 421 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,878 I'm a grown man 422 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,380 with man-hands and a man-brain. 423 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,225 I should be able to put together a doll house in less than four hours. 424 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,844 Why does it have to be so hard? 425 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:11,929 Look. 426 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,140 This screw has three pointy sides 427 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,517 and nowhere to screw it in! 428 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:17,935 (Screw clatters) (Sobbing) 429 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,562 And there's wheels. 430 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,024 What kind of castle has wheels? 431 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,443 Ahhh! 432 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,987 (Groaning) 433 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,407 117a. Yes. 434 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,742 1178. Yes. 435 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,118 18a. 436 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,747 Wait a minute. 437 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,252 Peralta: Hey. 438 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,504 Just heading to the can. 439 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,005 Take the rabbit's foot. 440 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,674 Roger that. 441 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,889 Hey. Hey. What's going on? 442 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,492 Well, I'm not allowed to leave my desk, 443 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,767 so we have to meet in here. 444 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,228 So, what you're saying is that this is kind of a... 445 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,717 No. For the last time, Charles, we don't need a clubhouse! 446 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,607 Clubhouse! 447 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,401 (Sing-song voice) Clubhouse. 448 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,987 You know what I'm thinking. No clubhouse. 449 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:13,512 I need you to make these calls for me. Don't let holt see you. 450 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,368 But if my hunch is right, the slump is over. 451 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,804 Come through for me, boyle. All right. You know I will. 452 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,028 I'm just saying, put a couple of leather chairs in here. 453 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,669 Children. 454 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:28,297 Your problem is not that you're troubled or at-risk 455 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,758 or bad dressers. Is that a trucker hat? 456 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,718 Still? Come on. 457 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,847 Your problem is that you don't have passion for anything. 458 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:41,143 My life turned around when I found my passion. 459 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:45,064 And today, well, I hope to inspire you with it. 460 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:47,942 (Music playing) 461 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,653 Mmm-mm-mm 462 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:57,368 you are beautiful no matter what they say 463 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:01,747 words can't bring you down 464 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,292 no, no 465 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,086 you are beautiful 466 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,880 in every single way 467 00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,340 (music stops) (Chuckles) 468 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,925 (Sighs) What are we thinking? 469 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,594 Yes, in the denim. 470 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:15,970 I think I speak for everyone 471 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,431 when I say your weird dancing was just weird. 472 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:19,890 (All murmuring) Fine. 473 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,394 Cops make $52,000 a year, you never have to stop at a red light, 474 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,397 and you get to carry a gun. Who wants in? 475 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,941 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yes. 476 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,611 Oh, my god. You got eight kids to sign up. 477 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:32,879 How did you know that would work? 478 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,739 That's what made me sign up when I was a kid. 479 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,949 You did this program? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 480 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,743 It does not work. 481 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,538 They're here. 482 00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,499 Fantastic. Too dramatic? No. 483 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,460 Why are we in the bathroom? 484 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,945 I thought you might ask that, and I will answer in due time. 485 00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:53,049 But first, I know what happened to your grandma. Nothing. 486 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,342 What are you talking about? 487 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,886 The reason I couldn't find her is because she never existed. 488 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,846 I had detective boyle make some calls, 489 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,973 and it turns out you've done this before. 490 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,185 Five missing persons reports in five different states. 491 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,395 Recognize this? What are you accusing us of? 492 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,357 Probably insurance fraud. Definitely filing a false report 493 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,566 and obstruction of justice. 494 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,003 Now, you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom. 495 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,171 It's because you're full of crap. 496 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,696 Blammo. Jake-hammer strikes again. 497 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,615 Peralta: Jake-hammer strikes again. 498 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:18,949 Detectives. 499 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,494 I see we got eight recruits for the junior police program? 500 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:22,912 Outstanding. 501 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,205 Thank you, sir. 502 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,457 But as important as your praise is to me, 503 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,125 it should actually go to Gina. 504 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,561 She's the one that got through to the kids. 505 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,212 Yes. I am amazing. 506 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,673 And I only ask for one thing in repayment. 507 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,675 A 600% raise. 508 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,052 Or I could give you a 0% raise 509 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,930 and make you my personal assistant, which is what I'm doing. 510 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,515 I think you have hidden talents, 511 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,409 which will make you surprisingly good at the job. 512 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,186 No. I have no talents. You start Monday. 513 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,063 Ugh. 514 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,982 Constantly getting holt's approval is the worst. 515 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,151 Yes. I can only imagine. 516 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:57,571 Well. The curse is over. The slump is done. 517 00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,656 Jake is back. 518 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,343 Permission to take a selfie of the two of us, sir? Permission denied. 519 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,576 Too late. (Camera clicks) 520 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,120 Ah. That was a good one. 521 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,622 So, the rabbit's foot worked, huh? 522 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,832 Ah, maybe. 523 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,417 All I know is, my mind was so numb 524 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,001 from doing all that boring data entry 525 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:13,337 that my brain kind of rebooted and I had aninspuafion 526 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,755 about one of my old cases. 527 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,634 And I now see that that was your plan all along. 528 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,078 And that you're capable of smiling. 529 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,222 All talented detectives have their ups and downs, peralta. 530 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,808 So, you think I'm talented. You said it, no take-backs. 531 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,601 You know why boyle doesn't slump? 532 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:28,954 Because his whole life is a slump? 533 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,855 Because he doesn't let adversity get him down. 534 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,648 He keeps grinding. 535 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,567 If I had given you those new cases, 536 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:37,027 the second you hit a snag, you would have spiraled again. 537 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,280 Okay. You need to stay out of your own head. 538 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,216 But, sir, I don't get it. If that was your plan, 539 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,926 why bother with smitty and the rabbit's foot? 540 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,344 Well, there's a very good reason for that. 541 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,703 I was, uh... 542 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:49,123 I believe the term is, uh, "messing with you." 543 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,918 I see what's going on here. 544 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,087 We're becoming homies. 545 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,215 Office Christmas card candidate, right here. 546 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,009 Me and holt are homies! 547 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,428 Hey, sarge. 548 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,263 I assembled the castle for you. 549 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,806 Here it is. 550 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,142 (Chuckles) What? What happened to all 551 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,310 the Princess flourishes? 552 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,673 Boyle: Well, they were destroyed, 553 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,611 so I turned it into a Princess police station. 554 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,106 You know, some jobs take brains, 555 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,775 some jobs take muscles, 556 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,778 some jobs take dainty little fingers. 557 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,309 Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman's wedding ring? 558 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,616 Thank you, boyle. I appreciate it. 559 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:24,992 You're a good dad. 560 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,595 Don't put so much pressure on yourself. 561 00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,579 Oh, check this out. 562 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,498 Working siren. (Siren wailing) 563 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:32,416 I'll fix that! I'll fix, I'll fix that.