1 00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:03,504 Careful. 2 00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:05,506 You only get one shot at this, peralta. 3 00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,549 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. 4 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,801 I saw the first 15 minutes of the hurt locker. 5 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,803 Hurry. The stench is too much. 6 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,430 We gotta get those shoes out of here. 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,973 How much time do we have? 8 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,767 Scully ate his potpie 30 minutes ago. 9 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,852 So we probably got 10 minutes left on this nap. 10 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,437 Twelve if he's Turkey-tired. 11 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,773 All right, come to papa. 12 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,192 It's trapped. Abort mission! 13 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:26,985 I have an idea. 14 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,751 Let's send these shoes to hell. 15 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,797 Oh, wait. 16 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,507 Eh, it just smells worse than before. 17 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,633 Ugh! Oh! 18 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,717 Abort. 19 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,284 Whoa. Why are you here before me? 20 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,952 Am I asleep? Is this a dream? 21 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,038 I am early because Jimmy Brogan is here today. 22 00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,124 Why do you care so much about some old reporter? 23 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,458 "Some old reporter"? 24 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:27,296 Is the sky just some big blue hat that the world wears? 25 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,298 No. And no one has ever thought that. 26 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:30,674 My point exactly. 27 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:35,095 Jimmy Brogan wrote the squad about badass New York cops in the 703. 28 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:36,864 It's the best book I've ever read. 29 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,473 And I've read 15 books. 30 00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,975 Fifty books is not a lot. 31 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,059 Wait... 32 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,311 You said 15? 33 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,690 The squad is what made me decide to become a detective. 34 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,191 And it was my first book report. 35 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,445 "The detectives wiped the mobster's blood off their boots 36 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,113 "and found the scag." 37 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,531 Scag is heroin. 38 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,909 And the book says it's so good you can never stop doing it. 39 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,703 See me after class, Jacob. 40 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:03,707 Fun side note, I later lost my virginity to Mrs. Stratton's daughter. 41 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,834 It was... very fast. 42 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,252 Nice! 43 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,130 Mr. Brogan... hmm. 44 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,341 These are detectives Santiago and peralta. 45 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,010 Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan of your book. 46 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,553 Would you mind signing my copy? 47 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:17,804 Pdloveto. 48 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,128 It's always nice to meet a fan. 49 00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,932 You can just make it out to "death wish." 50 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,143 That's what everyone calls me, because I'm always 51 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,561 first through the door. 52 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,023 You go through doors normally, and everyone calls you "pineapples." 53 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,859 My grandma calls me "pineapples" and I regret telling you that. 54 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,196 Those New York cops from the '70s you wrote about were my idols. 55 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,323 I mean gaminsky, Cavanaugh, quigg... 56 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:37,991 Those guys were the real deal. 57 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:42,287 I once saw gaminsky choke a hippy to death with his own ponytail. 58 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,622 Illegal! Love that. 59 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,332 Mr. Brogan is writing an article about 60 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,125 how Brooklyn detectives have changed 61 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,002 in the 35 years since the squad. 62 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,297 He'll be observing the two of you on your Internet identity theft case. 63 00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,424 I hope Mr. Brogan's presence doesn't prove to be a 64 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,176 distraction to you, peralta. 65 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,928 Distracted? Me? No, sir. 66 00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,763 Evil would love that. 67 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,557 But I'm not giving evil the satisfaction. 68 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,142 Not today. 69 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,937 Where's the can? I gotta unload. 70 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,939 Unload. Great choice of words. 71 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,899 It'd be an honor to show you, sir. 72 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,069 All right. Everyone's here. 73 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,422 Today we're going to work on our courtroom demeanor. 74 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,447 Pass! 75 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,658 This seminar is not optional, Diaz. 76 00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,328 You're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow. 77 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,623 The da is worried about how you present yourself on the stand. 78 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,458 Why? I'm fine on the stand. 79 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,712 Look, I'll make this real simple, so even these dum-dums can understand. 80 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,797 Man did crime. 81 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:37,843 I'm sorry. Can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? 82 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,469 Crying? 83 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,472 And when this is over, I'm going to find you, 84 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,850 and I'm going to break those little fingers. 85 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,186 Miss Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer. 86 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,647 This is an important case. 87 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,732 You need to do well. 88 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,692 Fine, I'll take your dumb-ass seminar. 89 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,694 That's the spirit! 90 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,282 Someone has placed tiny scanners inside atms 91 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,577 to steal card numbers and pins, which they sell on the Internet. 92 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,538 Oh, good god! Why do you smell like an ashtray? 93 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,248 Oh, sorry, mom. 94 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,876 It's the only way I can cope with the stress of the job. 95 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,008 Anyway... 96 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,510 We're running an algorithm to comb through the transactions, 97 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,597 looking for a pattern, which will lead us to the perp's ip address. 98 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,932 Got it. Boring mumbo-jumbo. 99 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,560 Well, you could think of the algorithm as a boot 100 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,772 and the ip address as some poor slob's skull. You know? 101 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,774 We used to call guys who bragged about 102 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:36,193 sitting around all day "hair bags." 103 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,696 Except for detective finaldi. 104 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,948 You know, he had to sit around all day. 105 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,368 A mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off with a crowbar. 106 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,912 Gah, so lucky. 107 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,665 This kind of data-driven police work has reduced crime by over 70%. 108 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,293 I know hair bag work when I see it. 109 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,879 Do me a favor, wake me when your shift is over. 110 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,425 No way. 111 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,971 That is amazing. 112 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,349 All you need is for a jury to like you. 113 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,267 If they like you, they'll trust you. 114 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,478 Fine. How do I get these morons to like me? 115 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,357 Dontcah them morons. 116 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,441 Good instinct! 117 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,526 Okay. 118 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,820 Sit up straight. All right, be aware of your hands. 119 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,196 Okay? Don't be afraid to smile. 120 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,049 And if you need to buy time you can always just say, 121 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,741 "to be perfectly candid." 122 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,409 "To be perfectly candid." 123 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,161 I like that. 124 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,080 Jeffords: And always make good eye contact. 125 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,998 Yeah. But don't stare at people. 126 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,083 You got to blink. 127 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,646 But don't blink too much. Or too fast. 128 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,187 I think the bigger worry is slow blinks. 129 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,272 Don't blink too fast or too slow, or too much or too little. 130 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,714 I know how to blink! 131 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,842 Quick question, sir. 132 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,694 You know how we've been trading favors back and forth 133 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:44,946 and it's your turn to give me one? 134 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,012 None of that is true. 135 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,097 Yeah, I know. 136 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,349 Please, can ljump onto a sweet mob-related homicide? 137 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,561 There are no "sweet" mob-related homicides on which to jump. 138 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:53,937 Boom. 139 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,480 There's one at the seven-three. 140 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,274 Maybe I should roll over there, help out. 141 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,442 Brogan could tag along, maybe write some stuff down. 142 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,861 Why do you idolize that man? 143 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,153 And the time he wrote about? 144 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,446 Because the '70s were amazing. 145 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,448 I mean, everyone had thick, juicy mustaches. 146 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,742 And all the clothes were orange and flammable. 147 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:10,954 The '70s were not a good time for the city or for the department. 148 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,956 Corruption, brutality, sexism. 149 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,934 Diaz or Santiago never would have made detective. 150 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,645 And an openly gay man like me? I never would have been given a command. 151 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,296 There were very few black detectives. 152 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,660 Did I ever tell you what my first day on the job was like? 153 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,386 Hello. I'm Raymond holt. 154 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,638 Are you here to turn yourself in? 155 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,267 Oh, yeah, that's really messed up. 156 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,829 But the guys that Brogan wrote about, they were great detectives. 157 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:35,854 I mean, they were legit. 158 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:36,980 Some of them were legit. 159 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,024 Some of them were just Brogan's drinking buddies. 160 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,444 Sir, that is a brilliant idea. 161 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,456 It wasn't an idea. Itwas a scathing indictment of your personal hero. 162 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,823 Eh. Six of one. 163 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,159 Peralta: This is the best. 164 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,119 Drinking with Jimmy Brogan. 165 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,704 So tell me more about quigg. 166 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,390 Could he really light a matchstick on his face? 167 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,918 One time during a drug bust, he got one of his fingers shot off. 168 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,127 He didn't even flinch. 169 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:03,214 He just picked it up and used it to flip off every puerto rican in the place. 170 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,800 And that's my cue. It's late. 171 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:06,885 Are you kidding? 172 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,345 The old guard drank till dawn, 173 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,681 ate some coffee grounds and started the whole day allover again. 174 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,892 I eat coffee grounds! 175 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,310 Sure you do, pineapples. 176 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,728 How about another round? 177 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,564 Are you kidding me? I want to hang with you till one of us dies. 178 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,734 Look, I'm tired of talking. Why don't you tell me some of your stories? 179 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:23,902 Great. 180 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:27,656 Because I got some stories that'll make training day look like super troopers. 181 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,618 It's not... bartender? Two scotches. 182 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:32,869 Bartender: You got it. 183 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,746 No, no. He meant two bottles. 184 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:35,956 What? 185 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,207 I mean, yeah. 186 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,625 Here you go. 187 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,669 All right. 188 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,174 Perp: You'll never get me! You'll never get me! 189 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,884 We already got you, idiot. 190 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,719 Look who's here. 191 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,847 How was your night of old school drinking? Hmm? 192 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,182 Pretty hungover? 193 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,266 Shh. 194 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,935 Turn off your mouth, siren. 195 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,729 Here are the texts I got from you last night. 196 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,981 "Best night ever." 197 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,483 "Why scotch burn so good?" 198 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,111 "Was his name in serpico?" 199 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,279 "Who's the friend of yours with the ping pong?" 200 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,573 And, lastly, a picture of you 201 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,910 on the subway platform eating Chinese chicken salad with no shirt on. 202 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,120 Peralta: Ha! 203 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,539 Well, last night was awesome. 204 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:21,334 We had an epic night of bonding that I will never forget. 205 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,670 Do it! I believe in you! 206 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,799 Throw it! 207 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,968 I believe in you! 208 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,570 Man, I wonder if Brogan's okay. 209 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,930 He's 65 and he drank two bottles of scotch. 210 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,015 He might be dead. 211 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,099 He looks fine to me. 212 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,267 Morning, kid! 213 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,351 How you doing? 214 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,729 Oh, hey. So good. 215 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,149 I feel great and I definitely don't think it's burning hot in here. 216 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,316 Well, I'm around. 217 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,277 Grab me if anything develops in your case. 218 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,070 You got it. 219 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,321 That hurt so bad. 220 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,009 Let me know when he's gone so I can slide onto the nice cool floor. 221 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,492 He's gone. Great. 222 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,827 Mmm. 223 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,040 Ooh! 224 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,750 My whole body has dry-mouth. 225 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,191 Why are we meeting in the ladies room? 226 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,423 It's the perfect place for our second lesson. 227 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:09,674 Courthouse wardrobe. 228 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,176 What's wrong with the way I dress? 229 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,094 You know, some people might say 230 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:16,514 that all the black leather kind of makes you look like a evil villain. 231 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,185 Not me. I think you look like a sexy motorcycle. 232 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,229 Boyle. Pull it together. 233 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,397 Yeah. 234 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,916 Jeffords: We need to soften up your look. 235 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,651 My wife and Charles' mom donated some clothes. 236 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,821 Your wife and boyle's mom are both blind? 237 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,618 I look like arsenio. 238 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,536 So it's perfect? 239 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,082 That's actually my wedding suit. 240 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,335 Yes. 241 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,544 No. 242 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,215 That is great. Perfect. 243 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,010 You look beautiful-ly appropriate for court. 244 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,015 Scully? Hey, Jake? 245 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,642 You've been alive forever. 246 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,602 How did you used to cure hangovers? 247 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:03,895 Oh, ididn'tdrink. 248 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:07,273 I was, however, extremely into cocaine for most of 1986. 249 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,002 I got to tell you the truth, Hitchcock, can I tell you the truth? 250 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:12,028 You and me, man, we're going to be co-captains. 251 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,905 But first I'm taking you to Japan! 252 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,532 I'm already packed! 253 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,743 I had three heart attacks that year and declared bankruptcy. 254 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,328 Hitchcock turned out just fine. 255 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,915 My grandpa was an old school cop. 256 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,750 This was his hangover cure. 257 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,876 Raw egg yolks. 258 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,232 You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river. 259 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,634 Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who od'd in his own pool. 260 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,718 Big difference. 261 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,030 I told you not to let Jimmy Brogan distract you from your work. 262 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,057 So I assume you're not too hung over to do said work? 263 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,142 Nope. 264 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,852 It's like I never even drank. 265 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,186 And that's not a hangover cure? 266 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,397 What, that? Nah, it's just some... 267 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,648 Protein... 268 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:51,818 For my guns. I drink one every morning before I lift. 269 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:01,953 So good. 270 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,456 You can barely even tell it's a chicken embryo. 271 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,417 You should drink it all. 272 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,294 For your guns. 273 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,464 Yeah. 274 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,015 It's just like, fitness, right? 275 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,183 Santiago: Mmm-hmm. 276 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,312 Oh, why did I do this? 277 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,731 According to your text, you were having 278 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,691 "the beef light of my loaf." 279 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,319 What? No, no, why did I use this algorithm? 280 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,529 We're only tracking people who used the stolen cards. 281 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,507 They might not be the same as the ones who stole them. 282 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,200 Here, switch seats with me. 283 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,746 Oh, wow. 284 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:45,914 Your butt's really warm. 285 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:48,374 My butt's normal. Your butt's the weird one. 286 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,084 Don't get mad. It's nice. 287 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:53,755 All right, so if we ignore all these fraudulent purchases and go back far enough... 288 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:54,923 Here. 289 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:58,468 Someone posted the stolen card numbers online from this ip address. 290 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,678 Notbad. You found the pattern. 291 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,805 All right. Let's aspirin up and roll out. 292 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,230 I'm glad you could be here for this. 293 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:13,959 Man through intercom: Hello. Mike halbrook! 294 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,193 NYPD! Open up! 295 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,028 Putyourhead through the door. 296 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,571 My head? 297 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,490 Santiago: We got a runner! 298 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,659 Stop! NYPD. Peralta: Hands in the air! 299 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,785 Oh, wow. 300 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,584 Ooh! Yeah. Good job. 301 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,211 Oh, I'm never drinking again. 302 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,588 Hey. 303 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,757 You know, I was going to take him out myself, but, 304 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,425 ladies first, so... 305 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:42,595 Relax, kid. Being too hungover to chase a perp, 306 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,389 that's a classic old school move. 307 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,892 You know, you are one of the last few good cops 308 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,353 fighting against the rising tide of hair bags. 309 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,914 Is what you're going to say in your article? 310 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,857 Ah, don't worry. You're going to come out looking real good. 311 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,402 Especially after our talk in the bar. 312 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,530 So many good quotes, especially about holt. 313 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,701 Cops are usually afraid to go after their captains like that, 314 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,161 but you, sir, are old school. 315 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,831 You know it. 316 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,417 Oh, pineapples. 317 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,585 What did you do? 318 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,589 Judge: Your witness, counselor. 319 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,841 Detective Diaz. 320 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,467 It's always a pleasure to see you. 321 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,429 It's not good. The lawyer's that slime ball grundhaven. 322 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,888 Rosa hates him. 323 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,308 She's just right. We coached her. She'll be okay. 324 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,519 Grundhaven: Would you please state your name for the record? 325 00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,730 To be perfectly candid, 326 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,523 my name is detective Rosa Diaz. 327 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,484 Well, thank you for your candor regarding your own name. 328 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,739 Detective Diaz, would you please tell the court 329 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,615 exactly how you're involved in this case? 330 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:48,036 I caught Mr. Ladd physically beating his boss with a fax machine. 331 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,746 Most of his cheek was caved in. 332 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,123 His head was basically a blood fountain. 333 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,959 I'm sorry, is this amusing to you, miss Diaz? 334 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,547 Judge: Are you all right, detective? 335 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,634 Oh, no. 336 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,678 Brogan just sent me the quotes he's going to run. 337 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,388 I slammed holt like 50 times. 338 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,681 Listen. 339 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,267 "Holt would rather I wear a tie than solve a case." 340 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,896 "Holt cares more about catching clerical errors than catching bad guys." 341 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,607 "Holt is way too verticulis." 342 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,150 That's not even a word. 343 00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,360 What were you thinking? 344 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,403 We were just hanging out, being old school. 345 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:25,740 He wasn't supposed to quote me. I was off the record the whole time. 346 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,325 Oh, no, wait. 347 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,077 I'm going on the record. 348 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,454 Jake peralta can dance! 349 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,833 Vvhoo! Vvhoo! 350 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:38,002 Jimmy Brogan! 351 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,755 Look, you need to fix this, okay? 352 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,256 Those quotes cannot run. 353 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,925 It would be devastating for holt. 354 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,218 And the department. 355 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,302 I'll fix it. 356 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,595 Brogan's a cool guy. 357 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,278 We're friends now. I'll just talk to him. 358 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,057 Awesome dude to awesome dude. 359 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,643 I should brush my teeth first, though, right? 360 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,228 Mmm-hmm! Yeah, it's terrible. 361 00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,774 Great advice, dummies! I look like a psycho up there. 362 00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:01,359 Yes. You have to pull it together. 363 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,443 That's not helping. 364 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,570 It's what sarge says to me when I'm nervous. 365 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,406 Rosa, I think you're nervous. 366 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,698 Of course I'm nervous. 367 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,051 What did you think was the problem? 368 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,036 We just assumed you were a terrifying human being with a short fuse. 369 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,205 But if the problem is that you're nervous, 370 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:17,125 that's where Charles boyle lives, baby. I can help. 371 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,918 You just need to go to your happy place. 372 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,002 What's that? 373 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,087 It sounds stupid. 374 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,689 Oh, everyone's happy place is different. 375 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,424 For me, I just imagine I'm slurping up 376 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,884 the world's longest piece of Linguini. 377 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,928 It just keeps going and going. 378 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,681 Every 20 feet of noodle, there's a sauce change. 379 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,975 I'm in my happy place right now. 380 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,810 Mmm. Pesto! 381 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:38,104 Mmm. Carbonara! 382 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,189 Great. Now I'm starving. 383 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,572 Hey, hey. Jimmy Brogan. 384 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,115 Thanks for meeting me. 385 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,075 Welcome to the schvitz, kid! 386 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,244 The most comfortable place on earth. 387 00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,496 It's like crawling back into your mother. 388 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,063 Is that something people want to do? 389 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,749 What'd you want to talk to me about? 390 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,669 Ah, so, I read those quotes you sent me. 391 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:02,920 And you... 392 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,213 Wrote them so good! 393 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,840 The thing is... 394 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,043 I know I hid it incredibly well, but I was pretty drunk when I said that stuff. 395 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,429 So, any chance you wouldn't print it? 396 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,223 Wait. You said you were going on the record. 397 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,017 I was clearly not in control. 398 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,436 Maybe you should learn to handle your brown. 399 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:24,192 Look, you know that I think you're like the number one hero of the 20th century. 400 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,986 But I kind of feel like you're being unfair here. 401 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,070 Feelhke? 402 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,741 Listen to her. Suzanne somers over here. Talk like a man. 403 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,869 All right. I will talk like a man. You got me drunk and took advantage of me. 404 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,204 Oh, come on. God. 405 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,789 Look, I'm asking you nicely. 406 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,208 Please don't print the quotes. 407 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,668 And I'm telling you nicely, I'm printing them. 408 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:43,961 No, you're not. 409 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,714 What are you going to do about it? 410 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,046 Hey, how'd it go with Brogan? 411 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,096 Perfect. 412 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,658 Except I punched him in the face and made it a billion times worse. 413 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:57,683 What? 414 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,442 Yeah. 415 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,363 So, detective Diaz. You saw my client struggling with his boss. 416 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,126 But you don't know who initiated the fight. 417 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,076 To be perfectly candid, I was pretty sure it was the defendant. 418 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,702 Well, to be perfectly candid, 419 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,621 "pretty sure" is not definitive. 420 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,248 I think I know what happened. 421 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,874 Well, to be perfectly candid, 422 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,292 no one cares what you think. 423 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,628 Do you actually know anything or are you just guessing? 424 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,926 Your client instigated the fight. 425 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,678 I am certain. 426 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,346 And I'm happy to tell you why. 427 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,908 Yes. She went to her happy place. 428 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,183 I know that, boyle. 429 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,644 You punched Jimmy Brogan? 430 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,145 What were you thinking? 431 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:46,232 I was thinking that I needed to protect this precinct 432 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,234 from things that I said about this precinct 433 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,296 to a reporter, while drunk and insisting he record me! I shouldn't have done it. 434 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,321 Unbelievable. 435 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,132 Every time I think you might make a decent detective 436 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,217 you go and pull something like this. 437 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,159 I thought I could handle my brown. 438 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,580 I know, I'm sorry. That's gross. 439 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,831 Go home. 440 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,834 You've got the rest of the day to put your head on straight. 441 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,551 Got halbrook to cop to every charge. 442 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:14,635 Nice work, Santiago. 443 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,137 Thank you, sir. 444 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,682 Peralta figured out the pattern, though, so he should get credit for the collar. 445 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,434 Have you seen him? I sent him home. 446 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,935 He assaulted Jimmy Brogan. 447 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:26,063 Yeah, but that caveman kind of had it coming, don't you think? 448 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,734 He didn't tell you. Tell me what? 449 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,027 Never mind. 450 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,071 If Jake didn't tell you, he must've had a reason. It's not my place. 451 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,198 I'm disappointed in you, Santiago. 452 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,409 Ithoughtyou and I were close. 453 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,829 I know you're manipulating me. 454 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,749 But I love it, and I will tell you anything. 455 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,251 So Jake went to the schvitz to talk to Brogan... 456 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,338 What are you going to do about it? 457 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,260 There's nothing I can do. 458 00:18:56,344 --> 00:19:00,973 Except to ask you nicely, as a fan of you, your work, and the guys you wrote about, 459 00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,266 please don't print the quotes. 460 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:05,394 Sheesh. I didn't realize you were going to get your panties all in a pretzel. 461 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,040 That's actually not technically possible, I'm not wearing undennear. 462 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,441 It is swampy in here! And my butt's like the everglades. 463 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,319 Look, I know you're trying to be legit in a hair bag world 464 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,780 so I will not print your quotes. 465 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:19,033 Oh. Thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me. 466 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,743 And for the record, 467 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,579 I know that holt is a stickler, but he's actually a really good cop. 468 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,456 Don't worry about it. We're friends. 469 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,667 You don't have to stick up for that homo. 470 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,980 I really wish you hadn't just said that. 471 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,005 What, homo? 472 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,384 Thank you, Santiago. That'll be all. 473 00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:42,223 There she is. 474 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,184 Diaz, you did it. 475 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,769 They found him guilty on all charges. 476 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,479 Huh. Boyle's advice worked. 477 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,192 So, where's your happy place? 478 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,860 I'm in a cabin, 479 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,028 in the middle of nowhere. 480 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,824 Inside it's just me and that stupid, slimy defense attorney. 481 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,493 And I'm beating the hell out of him. 482 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,912 I break a dining room table over his head. 483 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,288 Then I rip off his arm 484 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,332 and shove it where the sun don't shine. 485 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:12,336 Then I reach down his throat and shake his hand. 486 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,883 Yeah. Okay. 487 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,678 I'm going to go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval. 488 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,015 I owe you one, boyle. Thank you dinner. Tomorrow night. 489 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:27,351 Gribaldi's. It's all-you-can-eat Linguini. 490 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:29,729 Yes! 491 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,188 Oh, my boyfriend's coming, too. 492 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,815 Your what friend now? 493 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,279 All right, let's hear it. 494 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,489 Oh! It's even worse than I imagined. 495 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,200 "The new face of the NYPD 496 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,995 "is perfectly embodied by Brooklyn's own Jake peralta." 497 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,079 That's not so bad. 498 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,666 "Who cowers behind his desk all day, like the true hair bag that he is." 499 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,751 There it is. 500 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,837 "The old guard would've eaten a guy like peralta for breakfast 501 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,589 "and unloaded him by lunch." 502 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,215 Well, that's very colorful. 503 00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,550 And hurtful. 504 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,343 You can ignore that garbage, Santiago. 505 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,305 Jimmy Brogan wouldn't know a legit cop 506 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,098 if he punched him in the face. 507 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,814 Well. Guess I'm done with this. 508 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,860 Not good enough. 509 00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:21,155 Three, two, one. 510 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,952 Welcome to the party, pal. 511 00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,955 God, I love that movie. 512 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,165 It's die hard.