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Previously on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer“:
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Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me.
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No one understands.
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No one has an older sister who's a slayer.
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I know it's always been this way.
She's the baby.
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But, for some reason, lately
it's just really getting to me.
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Well, yeah. You're, like, her idol, Buffy.
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- What are you doing?
- Leave me alone.
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I will after you come back inside the house.
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- Let go of me!
- No, it's not safe out here!
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Anya!
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This head wound looks bad.
We better get her to a hospital.
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I wish I had some food to offer you guys,
but the hotplate's out of commission.
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We think the cat peed on it.
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I do have SpaghettiOs. Set 'em on the dryer
and you're a cycle from lukewarm goodness.
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I, uh, had dryer food for lunch.
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Guess the folks are back.
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No, no, I was wrong.
Just incompetent burglars.
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Yeah, it's definitely time
to look for a new place.
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Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been
to Hell. They have one-bedrooms, right?
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Hey, Buffy, how's that book?
Full of zippy dates and zesty names?
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I'm fine.
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Hey! I'm enjoying the studying.
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Who are you lately?
Give it up and watch the movie.
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It has been a long day with the Crusades.
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I could take a break from the violence
for some... Oh! Fighting.
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If you really want, we can fight you as well.
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Incompetently-dubbed kung fu.
Our most valuable Chinese import.
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Much more durable than their hotplates.
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Here. Just relax.
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Mmm...
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Mmm. That feels good.
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Ow! What are you doing?
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I have a dislocated shoulder! I'm trying
to concentrate on the kicking movie.
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Hey! Rubbing went away.
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Oh. Sorry. I got caught up in the action.
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Yeah. It was pretty good.
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Oh, give me a break!
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This is wrong. First you'd give
the big guy a flying kick.
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Then take out all
the little ones - bam, bam.
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See? Now with the flying kick. From a dead
stop. What's powering it - raw enthusiasm?
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Hey, Buff, you oughta leave the work behind
sometimes. You're not always on slayer duty.
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It would drive you crazy
if this were an army movie
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and they were all saluting backwards
and invading all willy-nilly.
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And anyway, you can't
blame me for being critical.
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Willow's the same way when we watch
a movie about witches, right, Xander?
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Oh, yeah. She's all like "What's that,
a cauldron? Who uses a cauldron any more?"
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The last step in thy forging is my pain.
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The price with which I purchase
the death of the Slayer.
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Aargh!
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If you get the apartment,
we'll walk down this hall and say
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"La la! I'm on my way to Xander's."
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- Xander, I probably won't be doing that.
- Really? I will.
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We're just looking. Rent's high
so don't get your hopes carbonated.
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- But you have references.
- No, I have Albert,
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which is me doing an important voice.
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Xander Harris? An excellent
tenant. And a very nice-looking fellow.
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Whoa! Big!
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It's nice. And not subterranean.
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It's very... above-terranean.
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I want it. Pay anything.
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Xander Harris?
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Uh, no, Riley Finn. This is Xander.
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- Hey.
- Ah.
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- I brought my friends.
- I see.
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- They wouldn't always be around.
- But we're clean and quiet.
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We can have the Scooby meetings here. Giles
can explain the boring things over there.
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Oh, there's a microwave! It would be like
having hot and cold running popcorn.
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Phone and electricity are hooked up.
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There's a private balcony,
ceiling fan, closet space.
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And that's the bedroom.
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Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom?
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OK, good point.
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- I brought an application for you to fill out.
- An application?
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I can't just tell you my references?
Because there's Albert.
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We run your credit check
based on the application.
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Oh! Credit check.
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Little check on the credit.
See how credible my cheques are.
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And we'll be asking for first, last,
security and a small cleaning deposit.
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The total's at the bottom of the sheet there.
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He'll take it. Xander, go get
the furniture. I'll wait here.
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He's living in his drunken parents' basement
where something urinated on the hotplate.
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Can we talk quietly over there? Excuse us.
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We, um... We like the ceiling fan.
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Yes. It's very, you know, kind of Old South.
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Without the unpleasant slavery associations.
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But why can't we have it?
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I told you. My construction job is ending
and I won't have any more money coming in.
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And by the way, you do have your own place.
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So when I visit you, I have
to be in that awful basement?
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Not for ever. Just until things come together.
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Which is when, Xander? Cos right now,
things look pretty untogether.
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- You can't expect me to wait around for...
- Quiet, please, Anya.
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What is this? What's going on with you?
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What's going on with me
is my arm hurts and I'm tired
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and I don't really feel like taking
a tour of beautiful things I can't have!
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I guess I'll just start on that application.
I think you'll like it.
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I've been told I have lovely penmanship.
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"Miscellaneous curses".
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Brilliant. I'll be lucky if I don't
curse my hands off at the wrist.
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Oh!
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The Slayer is not here.
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Rabbit's foot - no, wait.
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That is a fertility god. Feeble man,
you are not likely to strike...
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You are not the Slayer.
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You do not concern me.
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Like this... and this... and this...
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That's pretty heavy.
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That's Oofdar, Goddess of Childbirth.
She's got some nice heft to her.
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- How badly did you hurt him?
- Well, "hurt"... Maybe not "hurt".
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Well, I'm sure he was startled.
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Yes, yes. I'd imagine it gave him rather a turn.
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He ran away, huh?
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Sort of more... turned and
swept out majestically, I suppose.
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He said I didn't concern him.
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So a mythic triumph over
a completely indifferent foe.
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Well, I'm not dead or unconscious,
so I say bravo for me.
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Some good demons in this one.
See if your guy's in here.
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So you bought the magic shop
and you were attacked before it opened.
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Who's up for a chorus of
the "We Told You So" symphony?
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Owning this place
does seem kinda dangerous.
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- Toth.
- What?
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He called you a toth. It's a British
expression. It means, like, moron.
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No. Toth is the name of the demon.
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Be careful with that.
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Ancient demon. Very strong.
Last survivor of the Tothric clan.
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It also says for a demon
he's unusually sophisticated.
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Sophisticated? So I should discuss men's
fashions with him before I chop his head off?
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They're referring to the fact that he does not
fight barehanded. He uses tools, devices.
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He's also supposed to be very focused.
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Since he mentioned the Slayer,
we know what the focus is.
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He mentioned Buffy? Where do we
find him and how hard can I kill him?
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There's no mention of the types
of places he might frequent, but...
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I have an idea.
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He had a very specific olfactory presence.
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Well, I guess we're off to the ol' factory.
I hate that place.
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I'm joking. I know what it means.
He smelled. Right?
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Some demon rituals
involve anointing with oils.
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Was it sort of sandalwoody?
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Not even remotely.
But he was very... distinctive.
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The city dump. Where smells go
to relax and be themselves.
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People say they're recycling.
They're not recycling.
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I found a spell so you can't smell anything,
but it does it by taking your nose off, so... no.
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What are you doing here, Spike?
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Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a
charming tearoom over the next pile of crap.
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What do you think I'm doing?
I'm scavenging.
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Very pretty-
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Spike, we're looking for a demon.
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Tall, robed, skin sort of
hanging off, deep voice.
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You mean a great tall
robey thing like that one?
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- Take cover!
- Big guy! Kick her ass!
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Oh, very nice! I was on your side!
153
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Watch out!
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Hey. are you OK?
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Buffy, he's gone.
156
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- I'm fine.
- Easy, easy.
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He disappeared.
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- That had to hurt.
- Yeah, yeah.
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Take it slowly.
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Anya, you trying to use the hotplate again?
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Uh-oh.
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Anya? An?
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Oh! OW!
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Oh, my God!
165
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What? No way!
166
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Who is... me?
167
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What am I doin' in there?
168
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Buffy. Need Buffy.
169
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No, it ate my quarter. Uh-huh.
170
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But see, I'm having this aggressively bad day.
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Oh! I found a quarter! I found a quarter!
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Well, ma'am, for me
it is worth getting excited about.
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Come on, Buffy.
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Hello?
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They hung up.
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If this guy wants to fight with weapons,
I've got it covered from A to Z. From axe to...
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zee other axe.
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Relax.
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Another day, another demon.
180
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Right. It'll be good.
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Hey.
182
00:14:32,465 --> 00:14:36,936
My friend Sharon's brother knows a girl
who died choking on her boyfriend's tongue.
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- Go away, Dawn.
- I'm not in your room. I'm in the hallway.
184
00:14:40,385 --> 00:14:43,901
- The hallway doesn't belong to you.
- Get out of here.
185
00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:46,859
Mom, I can stand in the hallway, right?
186
00:14:46,945 --> 00:14:49,505
She's watching us like a big freak!
187
00:14:49,585 --> 00:14:53,579
This must be my "two teenage girls
in the house" headache. It felt familiar.
188
00:14:53,665 --> 00:14:55,861
Good work, Dawn. You gave her a headache.
189
00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,414
I did not! Did I give you a headache, Mom?
190
00:14:58,505 --> 00:15:02,055
- I'm sure part of it is Buffy's.
- But part of it is Dawn's.
191
00:15:02,145 --> 00:15:04,136
It's so nice you've learned to share.
192
00:15:04,225 --> 00:15:07,661
You girls, sort this out
yourselves. It's good for you.
193
00:15:08,665 --> 00:15:11,544
She didn't say I couldn't stand here.
194
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Very posh.
195
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Oh, Slayer.
196
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,856
One of these days...
197
00:16:15,865 --> 00:16:18,141
Hey, Harris!
198
00:16:18,225 --> 00:16:21,217
- Harris!
- Harris. Sorry. Yeah.
199
00:16:21,305 --> 00:16:25,299
In my trailer, OK? I'm talking to
all the guys. The job's winding down.
200
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,217
Right. I'll... be right there.
201
00:16:34,825 --> 00:16:37,863
Welcome to payback,
Mr Evil Plan Face Stealer.
202
00:16:39,145 --> 00:16:43,378
You take my life, you get
my being fired absolutely free.
203
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:51,458
Harris! Where's your hard hat?
204
00:16:54,585 --> 00:16:56,496
Sit down.
205
00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:08,854
- How long you worked here, Harris?
- Huh? I'm not sure.
206
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,539
- About three months?
- I guess, yeah.
207
00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:24,662
And you haven't done much
construction work before this?
208
00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:26,577
I knew they were gonna notice that.
209
00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:31,614
I have to tell you, that's surprising,
cos your work here has been first-rate.
210
00:17:31,705 --> 00:17:35,585
Now, we have another job lined up
in Carlton when we finish here.
211
00:17:35,665 --> 00:17:41,183
- You ever think about staying on full time?
- What? Why isn't he firing me? Him.
212
00:17:41,425 --> 00:17:46,420
I was thinking that I'd have you head up
our interior carpentry crew. See how it goes.
213
00:17:46,505 --> 00:17:50,817
- It's more responsibility, but the pay's better.
- That'd be great!
214
00:17:51,465 --> 00:17:53,615
A promotion? But I...
215
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:56,504
I mean, he didn't...
Doesn't he see the shiny thing?
216
00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:02,859
Congratulations, Harris. You and your girl
should go out and celebrate.
217
00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:05,175
I already have an idea how.
218
00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:12,064
I was going to call you, Mr Harris,
tell you your credit checked out fine. But...
219
00:18:12,145 --> 00:18:14,022
I didn't think you'd be back.
220
00:18:14,105 --> 00:18:16,745
"Mr Harris"? Yeah, right!
221
00:18:16,825 --> 00:18:18,736
I'm sure you'll like the building.
222
00:18:18,825 --> 00:18:22,659
I think someone said you're
currently in your parents' basement?
223
00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:25,658
Right. There comes a point
where you either have to move on
224
00:18:25,745 --> 00:18:28,863
or just buy yourself
a Klingon costume and go with it.
225
00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:35,540
Well, I hope you'll be happy here, Mr Harris.
226
00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:39,095
- We're certainly happy to have you.
- Thank you.
227
00:18:39,345 --> 00:18:43,259
And if you need anything, day or night,
228
00:18:43,345 --> 00:18:44,983
please, call me.
229
00:18:46,465 --> 00:18:49,264
I'm leaving my home number here.
230
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:52,178
She's coming on to him. Me.
231
00:18:52,625 --> 00:18:54,104
Call me.
232
00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:58,699
Even for, you know, nonbusiness stuff.
233
00:18:59,865 --> 00:19:02,505
Maybe we could... do something?
234
00:19:02,585 --> 00:19:05,896
Please, lady. That is so not me.
He's too clean, for one thing.
235
00:19:05,985 --> 00:19:08,499
And his socks are all matchy, and...
236
00:19:10,145 --> 00:19:12,136
Remember, any time.
237
00:19:21,185 --> 00:19:23,176
Anya, you there?
238
00:19:24,225 --> 00:19:25,943
Look, I know you're still mad.
239
00:19:26,025 --> 00:19:29,541
I figure you're pretending
you're not home but listening anyway.
240
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,502
Am not.
241
00:19:31,585 --> 00:19:34,418
I have something to show you.
Meet me at the apartment.
242
00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:37,304
You know the one. Nine o'clock.
243
00:19:57,425 --> 00:19:59,985
- I won't let you do this!
- What's going on?
244
00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,056
You can't do this to me!
245
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:07,215
Oh, man, I need Buffy.
246
00:20:12,985 --> 00:20:16,660
No, no.
He looked exactly like me.
247
00:20:16,945 --> 00:20:20,700
It stole my face. We have to
find it and we have to kill it.
248
00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:25,176
She sees it's not me.
249
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,860
Please, Buffy, resist his spell.
250
00:20:28,945 --> 00:20:30,936
Do this for me.
251
00:20:32,505 --> 00:20:38,103
Don't worry, Xander. Whatever stole
your face, it has to deal with the Slayer now.
252
00:20:58,945 --> 00:21:01,221
Don't be scared, Will. Just listen.
253
00:21:01,305 --> 00:21:04,423
It's me - Xander. And I can prove it.
254
00:21:04,505 --> 00:21:07,099
Um... OK.
255
00:21:08,305 --> 00:21:11,616
Let's see. Stuff only you and me know.
256
00:21:12,425 --> 00:21:14,416
OK! On my seventh birthday,
257
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:18,339
I wanted a toy fire truck and I didn't
get it, and you were real nice about it.
258
00:21:18,425 --> 00:21:23,022
Then next door burnt down and real fire
trucks came. I thought you set the fire for me.
259
00:21:23,105 --> 00:21:25,335
And if you did, you can tell me.
260
00:21:27,385 --> 00:21:31,982
Last year, I thought I was lactose-intolerant,
but it was just some bad Brie.
261
00:21:32,065 --> 00:21:36,980
Oh! Every Christmas we watch Charlie Brown
together and I do the Snoopy dance.
262
00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:47,384
Xander, stop dancing.
263
00:21:47,465 --> 00:21:50,059
Aha! You called me Xander!
264
00:21:50,145 --> 00:21:53,661
Xander, shut up! Why
wouldn't I think you were Xander?
265
00:21:53,785 --> 00:21:55,856
Oh. Huh!
266
00:21:55,945 --> 00:21:57,936
What's goin' on?
267
00:21:59,505 --> 00:22:02,702
OK. I woke up in the dump this morning.
268
00:22:02,945 --> 00:22:07,416
Xander, the basement isn't a dump.
It's more like a really nice hovel.
269
00:22:07,505 --> 00:22:10,816
No. The dump. The city dump.
270
00:22:10,905 --> 00:22:15,775
I got hit last night. Fall down -
boom. Woke up this morning.
271
00:22:16,105 --> 00:22:20,338
Nuh-uh. We walked you home
last night, remember?
272
00:22:20,425 --> 00:22:22,018
You walked?
273
00:22:22,105 --> 00:22:24,255
Will, did I do anything weird?
274
00:22:25,505 --> 00:22:27,542
Did I wave any shiny things around?
275
00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:29,935
Shiny things? What are you talking about?
276
00:22:30,145 --> 00:22:34,776
Last night, that wasn't me.
There's a double out there.
277
00:22:34,865 --> 00:22:37,584
Some "thing" has stolen my face,
278
00:22:37,665 --> 00:22:41,340
and it's going around pretending
to be me and it's hypnotising people.
279
00:22:41,425 --> 00:22:45,817
It even got to Buffy, Giles and Riley. It's
over there right now and they have no idea.
280
00:22:46,145 --> 00:22:51,823
What intrigues me is there are many demons
with the ability to mimic a simple form,
281
00:22:51,905 --> 00:22:54,135
but this sounds like more than that.
282
00:22:54,225 --> 00:22:58,617
Hold up. Do we really have to figure out
what it is? Let's just go kill it.
283
00:22:58,705 --> 00:23:03,256
Yeah. When the impostor's killed, the body'll
probably turn back into whatever it really is.
284
00:23:03,345 --> 00:23:05,256
Toth!
285
00:23:06,505 --> 00:23:09,941
The demon with the creepy stick thing.
286
00:23:10,025 --> 00:23:11,936
- Toth.
- It's gotta be.
287
00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:15,541
He hit Xander with that blast and
it allowed him to take Xander's form.
288
00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:19,744
- It could be what the creepy stick thing did.
- Yes, I suppose.
289
00:23:19,825 --> 00:23:22,465
Yes, it makes sense. A shape-shifting device.
290
00:23:22,545 --> 00:23:25,663
It does make sense. It must be Toth.
291
00:23:25,745 --> 00:23:29,625
It's a robot. An evil robot constructed
from evil parts that look like me
292
00:23:29,705 --> 00:23:31,696
designed to do evil.
293
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:33,981
Uh-huh. Or it's Toth.
294
00:23:34,065 --> 00:23:36,056
Or... it's Toth.
295
00:23:36,585 --> 00:23:41,375
I was gonna look for Toth anyway.
Guess now I start looking for you.
296
00:23:41,465 --> 00:23:44,776
Should I go with you?
I told Anya to meet me at my new place.
297
00:23:44,865 --> 00:23:47,937
I'd feel a whole lot better knowing
she's safe from this creep.
298
00:23:48,025 --> 00:23:52,064
Go be with her. If you were out there
looking for the double too...
299
00:23:52,145 --> 00:23:55,820
Let's just say that I wouldn't wanna
run into you and kill the wrong one.
300
00:23:55,905 --> 00:23:59,739
Good thinking. When you kill it,
make sure you got the one who's actually...
301
00:23:59,825 --> 00:24:01,418
A demon.
302
00:24:01,505 --> 00:24:05,180
A demon has taken my life from me
and he's living it better than I do.
303
00:24:07,425 --> 00:24:13,057
Well, we're working on it. There has to be
a way to get to Buffy to unhypnotise her.
304
00:24:13,145 --> 00:24:15,580
I'll find a spell to snap her out of it.
305
00:24:15,665 --> 00:24:18,339
Right. Whatever.
306
00:24:19,585 --> 00:24:22,020
Xander, you sound a little...
307
00:24:22,105 --> 00:24:24,381
You have to help me
figure this out, you know.
308
00:24:24,465 --> 00:24:27,696
But I never help. I get
in trouble and Buffy saves me.
309
00:24:27,785 --> 00:24:31,255
That's not true! Sometimes
we all help to save you.
310
00:24:33,505 --> 00:24:36,224
And sometimes you're not in trouble.
311
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:41,416
I'm just... another great humiliation.
312
00:24:42,345 --> 00:24:44,655
And this time it's even worse.
313
00:24:44,745 --> 00:24:48,295
This demon is, like, taking my life
and everyone's treating him...
314
00:24:48,385 --> 00:24:50,820
Everyone's treating him like a grown-up.
315
00:24:50,905 --> 00:24:53,135
Will, I'm starting to feel like...
316
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:56,263
- Like what?
- Like...
317
00:24:56,345 --> 00:24:58,382
he's doing everything better.
318
00:24:58,465 --> 00:25:03,778
He's smarter and... I don't know,
maybe I should just let him have it.
319
00:25:03,865 --> 00:25:07,574
- Take my life, please.
- Xander, no!
320
00:25:07,665 --> 00:25:10,578
You're just tired... and all soggy.
321
00:25:10,665 --> 00:25:15,535
That's why it seems so hard. But you can't
let him just take your whole existence.
322
00:25:15,625 --> 00:25:19,414
Why not? It's not like I was
doing anything so great with it.
323
00:25:19,505 --> 00:25:21,701
When I get to the Pearly Gates, they won't go:
324
00:25:21,785 --> 00:25:25,062
"Hey, what a kick-ass
comic-book collection! Come on in!"
325
00:25:25,145 --> 00:25:27,375
What have I got that's even worth...
326
00:25:28,305 --> 00:25:31,058
- Anya.
- You think he's after her?
327
00:25:31,145 --> 00:25:33,136
She won't know. He can just...
328
00:25:34,305 --> 00:25:38,264
No. No way. He can take anything,
but he can't have her. I need her.
329
00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:41,305
- Really?
- He could be with her right now!
330
00:25:41,385 --> 00:25:44,503
Figure out a spell. Something...
reveal-y. I gotta find her.
331
00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:48,658
Xander, you already knew
he was taking over your life
332
00:25:48,745 --> 00:25:51,783
and you didn't think about Anya till just now?
333
00:25:51,865 --> 00:25:55,460
Hey, wait till you have an evil twin.
See how you handle it.
334
00:25:58,985 --> 00:26:00,976
I handled it fine.
335
00:26:03,185 --> 00:26:05,779
Anya? An?
336
00:26:13,105 --> 00:26:17,656
Meet me at the apartment.
You know the one. Nine o'clock.
337
00:26:24,465 --> 00:26:26,854
It's gotta be here. Where is it?
338
00:26:28,785 --> 00:26:31,459
You're lying. It's a trick.
339
00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:33,536
No. Trust me.
340
00:26:35,905 --> 00:26:41,218
- You really got this apartment?
- I really did. And do you know why?
341
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:45,018
The ceiling fans? They're very attractive.
342
00:26:45,105 --> 00:26:47,938
No. It's because I knew you wanted it.
343
00:26:49,305 --> 00:26:51,296
It's all for you.
344
00:26:56,745 --> 00:26:59,817
Anya, you didn't see me today, did you?
345
00:26:59,905 --> 00:27:01,942
I mean, we didn't talk?
346
00:27:02,025 --> 00:27:05,655
What do you mean? I just got
your phone message, that's all.
347
00:27:06,705 --> 00:27:08,696
Good.
348
00:27:12,505 --> 00:27:14,496
So,
349
00:27:16,905 --> 00:27:19,101
what happens next?
350
00:27:19,185 --> 00:27:21,859
Well, at some point we take off our clothes.
351
00:27:23,465 --> 00:27:26,184
I mean, what happens next in our lives?
352
00:27:27,465 --> 00:27:29,661
When do we get a car?
353
00:27:29,745 --> 00:27:31,383
- A car?
- And a boat.
354
00:27:31,465 --> 00:27:36,175
No, wait, I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy.
Or a child. I have a list somewhere.
355
00:27:36,265 --> 00:27:39,462
- What are you talking about?
- Just... We have to get going.
356
00:27:39,545 --> 00:27:42,583
I don't have time just to
let these things happen.
357
00:27:42,665 --> 00:27:46,374
- There's no hurry.
- Yes, there is. There's a hurry, Xander.
358
00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:49,456
I'm dying.
359
00:27:50,345 --> 00:27:52,780
I may have as few as 50 years left.
360
00:27:52,865 --> 00:27:55,584
50 years? What is this?
361
00:27:57,025 --> 00:28:00,461
Oh, wait a minute. This is about this.
362
00:28:01,825 --> 00:28:03,816
What about the sling?
363
00:28:04,705 --> 00:28:08,141
You haven't been hurt like this
since you became human.
364
00:28:09,465 --> 00:28:13,299
Maybe it's finally hitting you
what being human means.
365
00:28:14,385 --> 00:28:16,217
No, that's not it.
366
00:28:16,305 --> 00:28:18,615
Yes, I think it is.
367
00:28:18,705 --> 00:28:21,379
You were gonna live for thousands of years.
368
00:28:22,185 --> 00:28:24,222
And now you're gonna age and die.
369
00:28:27,305 --> 00:28:31,264
- That must be terrifying.
- You don't understand what it's like.
370
00:28:31,745 --> 00:28:36,023
Being suddenly human? I think
I can get what that would be like.
371
00:28:37,745 --> 00:28:40,055
And we can get through it together.
372
00:28:40,465 --> 00:28:44,345
You can't make it any different.
I'm going to get old.
373
00:28:44,425 --> 00:28:47,861
And you can't promise you'll
be with me when I'm wrinkly
374
00:28:47,985 --> 00:28:52,456
and my teeth are artificial and stuck
into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive.
375
00:28:52,545 --> 00:28:54,616
No, I can't promise that.
376
00:28:54,705 --> 00:28:58,744
But it doesn't sound terrible.
And that's saying something.
377
00:28:59,785 --> 00:29:04,541
I promise you, Anya. Very soon
you won't be thinking about getting older.
378
00:29:10,985 --> 00:29:12,976
- Get away from her!
- Xander!
379
00:29:14,065 --> 00:29:15,419
Xander?
380
00:29:15,505 --> 00:29:18,623
Get out. You don't belong here.
381
00:29:18,705 --> 00:29:20,696
Anya, it's me.
382
00:29:22,105 --> 00:29:26,576
It's a demon. He stole my face.
He's trying to trick you.
383
00:29:30,585 --> 00:29:32,861
- Anya, you know I'm me, right?
- No!
384
00:29:36,545 --> 00:29:39,378
What is it? Make it go away.
385
00:29:39,705 --> 00:29:40,979
So we split up?
386
00:29:41,065 --> 00:29:45,855
Yeah. You check where he might go to blend
in as Xander. I'll check where Toth might be.
387
00:29:46,825 --> 00:29:48,896
I swear I know I had that locked.
388
00:29:48,985 --> 00:29:52,660
- Buffy, Toth looks like Xander.
- We already know. We're on our way.
389
00:29:52,785 --> 00:29:54,901
Wait. How did you know about this?
390
00:29:54,985 --> 00:29:59,422
He came to me. I mean Xander did. And
he's in terrible shape. We need to help him.
391
00:29:59,505 --> 00:30:02,941
- He came to us, too.
- No. We each had a Xander.
392
00:30:03,025 --> 00:30:06,939
I mean, you didn't have a Xander.
You had a demon in a Xander suit.
393
00:30:07,025 --> 00:30:09,744
What makes you so sure
that yours is the right one?
394
00:30:09,825 --> 00:30:12,180
He knew stuff. He did the Snoopy dance.
395
00:30:12,265 --> 00:30:15,496
- Buffy, it was Xander and he needs us.
- Oh, dear Lord.
396
00:30:15,585 --> 00:30:18,054
Buffy, our Xander, did he seem a little...
397
00:30:18,145 --> 00:30:20,739
He seemed kind of forceful and confident.
398
00:30:20,865 --> 00:30:23,618
- That's not Xander.
- I said "Oh, dear Lord".
399
00:30:23,705 --> 00:30:26,982
- You always say that.
- Well, it's always important!
400
00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:29,416
Neither Xander is a demon.
401
00:30:30,505 --> 00:30:33,657
- Is one of them a robot?
- What? No.
402
00:30:34,505 --> 00:30:37,338
The rod device, it's called a ferula-gemina.
403
00:30:37,425 --> 00:30:41,942
It splits one person into half, distilling
personality traits into two separate bodies.
404
00:30:42,025 --> 00:30:47,054
As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting
to split the Slayer into two different entities.
405
00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:49,500
- Two Buffys?
- Yes.
406
00:30:49,585 --> 00:30:55,456
One with all the qualities in Buffy Summers,
the other one with those in the Slayer alone.
407
00:30:55,825 --> 00:30:59,341
The strength, the speed, the heritage.
408
00:30:59,425 --> 00:31:04,499
When it hit Xander, I think it separated him
into his strongest points and his weakest.
409
00:31:04,585 --> 00:31:09,136
- But which one's the real one?
- They're both Xander. Neither of them is evil.
410
00:31:09,225 --> 00:31:12,456
There's nothing in them
that Xander didn't already possess.
411
00:31:12,545 --> 00:31:15,185
I still don't get the original plan.
Why do it?
412
00:31:15,265 --> 00:31:18,383
The slayer half would be like
slayer concentrate - unkillable.
413
00:31:18,465 --> 00:31:21,105
But the two halves
can't exist without each other.
414
00:31:21,185 --> 00:31:24,496
Kill the weaker Buffy half,
and the slayer half dies.
415
00:31:24,585 --> 00:31:29,022
So the same goes for the Xanders.
We lose one, we lose them both.
416
00:31:29,105 --> 00:31:30,937
He's the demon!
417
00:31:31,025 --> 00:31:32,902
Or possibly a robot.
418
00:31:32,985 --> 00:31:36,979
Look at me. Look in my eyes.
Can't you see it's me?
419
00:31:40,505 --> 00:31:44,738
- I don't know.
- Please, look at him. Listen to him.
420
00:31:44,825 --> 00:31:46,498
He's all smooth.
421
00:31:46,585 --> 00:31:49,099
You have to know it's me!
422
00:31:49,185 --> 00:31:52,541
Don't worry, Anya. I'll get rid of this thing.
423
00:31:52,865 --> 00:31:55,823
I'm thinking this is gonna last
about 15 seconds.
424
00:31:56,945 --> 00:31:58,663
I'm thinkin' less.
425
00:32:05,105 --> 00:32:07,096
No! Don't shoot him!
426
00:32:12,305 --> 00:32:16,299
Can't this thing go any faster?
"Ultimate driving machine", my ass.
427
00:32:16,385 --> 00:32:18,376
We're pushing 70.
428
00:32:21,745 --> 00:32:23,736
- Riley, do you wish...?
- No.
429
00:32:25,945 --> 00:32:28,937
No? You don't even know
what I was gonna say.
430
00:32:29,825 --> 00:32:36,583
Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you
got hit by the ferula-gemina, got split in two.
431
00:32:38,225 --> 00:32:42,105
Well, you have been kind of rankly
about the whole slayer gig.
432
00:32:42,185 --> 00:32:45,940
Instead of having Slayer Buffy,
you could have Buffy Buffy.
433
00:32:46,025 --> 00:32:49,256
I have Buffy Buffy.
Being the Slayer is part of who you are.
434
00:32:49,345 --> 00:32:51,621
You keep thinking I don't get that, but...
435
00:32:51,705 --> 00:32:55,494
It's just... I know how un-fun it can be.
436
00:32:56,145 --> 00:32:59,297
The bad hours, frequent bruising,
cranky monsters.
437
00:32:59,385 --> 00:33:05,654
Buffy, if you led a perfectly normal life,
you wouldn't be half as crazy as you are.
438
00:33:05,745 --> 00:33:09,215
I gotta have that. I gotta have it all.
I'm talkin' toes, elbows,
439
00:33:09,305 --> 00:33:12,775
the whole bad ice-skating movie
obsession, everything.
440
00:33:12,865 --> 00:33:16,176
There's no part of you I'm not in love with.
441
00:33:22,825 --> 00:33:27,023
We better get there soon.
If Xander kills himself, he's dead.
442
00:33:28,785 --> 00:33:29,980
You know what I mean.
443
00:33:32,905 --> 00:33:35,181
Let go! I have to kill the demon-bot!
444
00:33:38,265 --> 00:33:40,575
Anya, get out of the way.
445
00:33:40,665 --> 00:33:44,420
- Xander!
- It's all right, Buffy. I have him.
446
00:33:44,505 --> 00:33:47,065
No, Buffy. I'm me! Help me.
447
00:33:47,145 --> 00:33:49,136
My gun! He's got my gun.
448
00:33:49,425 --> 00:33:53,498
- You own a gun?
- Xander... Gun-holding Xander.
449
00:33:53,585 --> 00:33:55,542
Give it to me.
450
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:06,701
Buffy, which one's real?
451
00:34:06,785 --> 00:34:08,537
- I am.
- No, I am.
452
00:34:11,905 --> 00:34:13,896
Thank you.
453
00:34:15,105 --> 00:34:17,096
Ow!
454
00:34:18,065 --> 00:34:19,976
- Wild.
- Yeah.
455
00:34:21,185 --> 00:34:23,176
OK, Xander...s.
456
00:34:23,985 --> 00:34:26,659
You've been split in two.
But you're both Xander.
457
00:34:26,745 --> 00:34:30,784
And you can't kill each other. Well,
you could, but it would be really bad.
458
00:34:34,185 --> 00:34:38,258
- No way.
- He can't be me. He's all... fancy.
459
00:34:38,345 --> 00:34:41,144
- We can prove you're both Xander.
- Yeah. How?
460
00:34:44,625 --> 00:34:47,139
- There has to be a way.
- What number am I thinking of?
461
00:34:47,225 --> 00:34:49,455
- I don't think that's gonna do it.
- 11½.
462
00:34:49,545 --> 00:34:51,502
Wrong. Oh, but see?
463
00:34:53,785 --> 00:34:57,062
No. We're not the same. We're all different.
464
00:34:57,145 --> 00:34:59,944
You have different properties,
but you're both Xander.
465
00:35:00,025 --> 00:35:03,620
- Different properties?
- What different properties?
466
00:35:04,265 --> 00:35:09,783
You know. Sense of direction,
good night vision, stuff like that.
467
00:35:10,145 --> 00:35:12,580
Oh, but he has a thing... in his pocket!
468
00:35:12,665 --> 00:35:15,100
A shiny disc that stuns and disorients!
469
00:35:15,825 --> 00:35:17,941
- What disc?
- Cover your eyes!
470
00:35:18,025 --> 00:35:20,380
- This?
- It'll melt your brain!
471
00:35:24,385 --> 00:35:25,216
Look.
472
00:35:25,305 --> 00:35:28,024
It's a nickel someone flattened
on the rail road track.
473
00:35:28,105 --> 00:35:32,338
I found it on the construction site.
I thought it was cool. It's not magic.
474
00:35:32,425 --> 00:35:34,257
No, I...
475
00:35:35,345 --> 00:35:38,542
Huh! It is kinda cool.
476
00:35:38,625 --> 00:35:42,744
Washington's still there, but he's
all smushy. And he may be Jefferson.
477
00:35:42,825 --> 00:35:45,658
Isn't anyone gonna tell me
why there are two Xanders?
478
00:35:45,745 --> 00:35:48,021
I will on the way to Giles'. Let's go.
479
00:35:54,025 --> 00:35:56,141
Oh, great. Rod Boy.
480
00:35:56,225 --> 00:35:59,661
- I will not miss again, Slayer.
- The gun! Pick up the gun pieces!
481
00:36:02,985 --> 00:36:05,579
Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit!
482
00:36:32,225 --> 00:36:34,216
Sword!
483
00:36:36,865 --> 00:36:38,856
Aaarghhh!
484
00:36:46,025 --> 00:36:48,904
Oh, yeah. That cleaning deposit's gone.
485
00:36:48,985 --> 00:36:51,181
I was thinkin' the same thing!
486
00:36:51,265 --> 00:36:53,859
Hey, do you suppose we're both Xander?
487
00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:55,015
Look...
488
00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:57,662
and admire, ladies.
489
00:36:57,745 --> 00:37:01,454
Look, there's a scar there,
and there's the same one right there.
490
00:37:01,545 --> 00:37:05,664
And it's all double. This zit, and this...
491
00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:09,019
kinda funny dippy thing.
492
00:37:09,105 --> 00:37:12,700
And this weird little hair
that grows in the wrong way.
493
00:37:12,785 --> 00:37:14,776
OK! Back off, ladies.
494
00:37:15,265 --> 00:37:17,336
Psychologically, this is fascinating.
495
00:37:17,425 --> 00:37:22,101
Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them
in separate rooms and experiment on them?
496
00:37:23,425 --> 00:37:25,655
Just me, then.
497
00:37:25,745 --> 00:37:30,740
So, you Xanders really do have
all the same memories? All the same...
498
00:37:31,985 --> 00:37:33,976
physical attributes?
499
00:37:34,065 --> 00:37:36,261
We're completely identical.
500
00:37:36,345 --> 00:37:39,861
Yeah, we checked out some stuff
in the car on the way over.
501
00:37:40,265 --> 00:37:42,256
Fingerprints.
502
00:37:42,345 --> 00:37:45,383
Maybe we shouldn't do this
reintegration thing right away.
503
00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:50,141
See, I can take the boys home and
we can all have sex together and then...
504
00:37:50,225 --> 00:37:53,343
you know, just slap 'em
back together in the morning.
505
00:37:53,425 --> 00:37:55,939
- She's joking.
- No, she's not!
506
00:37:56,025 --> 00:38:01,099
She entirely wants to have sex
with us together - which is wrong and...
507
00:38:02,185 --> 00:38:03,823
and it would be very confusing.
508
00:38:03,905 --> 00:38:06,101
We just need to arrange the candles.
509
00:38:06,185 --> 00:38:10,179
Also, we should continue to pretend
we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
510
00:38:10,265 --> 00:38:12,336
Check. Candles and pretence.
511
00:38:14,105 --> 00:38:17,382
It's not like it'd be cheating.
They're both Xander.
512
00:38:17,465 --> 00:38:21,698
Hold on a sec. If you weren't putting
a whammy on people with the shiny thing,
513
00:38:21,785 --> 00:38:24,903
- how'd you get the promotion?
- Well, I'm good at that stuff.
514
00:38:24,985 --> 00:38:26,703
- I am?
- Yeah.
515
00:38:26,785 --> 00:38:32,144
- And how about that apartment manager?
- How weird was it when she called me "Mr"?
516
00:38:32,225 --> 00:38:34,216
We're ready. We should do it now.
517
00:38:36,505 --> 00:38:39,941
- What'll we do if it doesn't work?
- Kill us both, Spock.
518
00:38:42,305 --> 00:38:44,137
They're kinda the same now.
519
00:38:45,305 --> 00:38:47,945
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
520
00:38:48,025 --> 00:38:50,904
Hey, summon the goddess.
Chant the chant. Let's do it.
521
00:38:50,985 --> 00:38:54,899
Actually, it's not that hard.
Your natural state is to be together.
522
00:38:54,985 --> 00:38:59,422
Toth's spell is doing all the work of
keeping you apart. I just have to break it.
523
00:38:59,505 --> 00:39:02,702
So, you two stand right here.
524
00:39:03,825 --> 00:39:08,342
Side by side. We don't want you to
end up with two fronts, now, do we?
525
00:39:09,185 --> 00:39:11,335
Are you sure you know how to do this?
526
00:39:12,465 --> 00:39:14,854
Here we go. Brace yourselves.
527
00:39:17,745 --> 00:39:20,055
Let the spell be ended.
528
00:39:20,145 --> 00:39:23,775
You gotta be kidding. "Let the spell
be ended"? That's not gonna work.
529
00:39:25,985 --> 00:39:27,976
Oh!
530
00:39:30,225 --> 00:39:33,138
I liked it the other way. Put 'em back.
531
00:39:44,945 --> 00:39:47,061
Getting nostalgic?
532
00:39:47,145 --> 00:39:53,380
I don't know. At first it's just a place,
and then you start to make memories.
533
00:39:53,465 --> 00:39:56,298
Then you're like... that's where Spike slept,
534
00:39:56,385 --> 00:40:00,174
and there, that's where Anya and I
drowned the Sepavro demon.
535
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:04,145
Oh! And right there, that's where
I got my heart all ripped out.
536
00:40:05,225 --> 00:40:07,216
I really hate this place.
537
00:40:08,745 --> 00:40:12,340
Anya, I see you've joined
the not-sling-wearing crowd.
538
00:40:12,425 --> 00:40:16,544
Yes. I'm feeling better. And I anticipate
many years before my death.
539
00:40:16,625 --> 00:40:19,014
Excepting disease or airbag-failure.
540
00:40:19,825 --> 00:40:21,623
That sounds nice.
541
00:40:23,745 --> 00:40:25,941
Oh! Presents?
542
00:40:26,025 --> 00:40:29,814
Not unless you want my collection
of Babylon 5 commemorative plates.
543
00:40:29,905 --> 00:40:33,535
Which you cannot have. I just thought
you could help carry a little.
544
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:39,416
Me? Buffy has superstrength. Why don't we
load her up like one of those little horses?
545
00:40:39,505 --> 00:40:42,497
Anya. Please.
546
00:40:42,585 --> 00:40:45,577
Fine. I'm just your slave.
547
00:40:48,785 --> 00:40:52,858
How is it that she can always make me feel
Suave Xander's left the building?
548
00:40:52,945 --> 00:40:57,496
You two have your friction, but
she digs the whole package. It's obvious.
549
00:40:57,585 --> 00:41:01,465
Still, I do envy you sometimes.
I mean, for the sanity.
550
00:41:01,545 --> 00:41:05,095
Not that I'm still into Buffy.
Not that I ever was.
551
00:41:05,185 --> 00:41:08,735
Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am.
Like... lottery lucky.
552
00:41:10,665 --> 00:41:16,217
Buffy's like nobody else in the world.
When I'm with her, it's like I'm split in two.
553
00:41:17,025 --> 00:41:21,098
Half of me is just on fire,
going crazy if I'm not touching her.
554
00:41:21,185 --> 00:41:25,304
The other half is so still and peaceful.
555
00:41:25,385 --> 00:41:27,695
Just perfectly content.
556
00:41:27,785 --> 00:41:30,823
Just knows... this is the one.
557
00:41:35,185 --> 00:41:37,176
But she doesn't love me.
558
00:41:43,785 --> 00:41:46,220
Got something else for me to carry?
559
00:41:46,305 --> 00:41:48,376
- You can help me pack this.
- Sure.
560
00:41:53,025 --> 00:41:55,016
Sure.
561
00:42:29,385 --> 00:42:30,739
Doreen Trenerry
562
00:42:33,625 --> 00:42:35,616
Urgh! Argh!
563
00:42:39,945 --> 00:42:41,936
ENGLISH SDH