I used to be a spy until...
[ Cellphone rings ]
Man: We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.
[ Whistles ]
When you're burned, you've got nothing --
no cash, no credit, no job history.
You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.
- Where am I? - Miami.
You do whatever work comes your way.
You rely on anyone who's still talking to you.
[ Laughs ]
A trigger-happy girlfriend...
Should we shoot them?
...an old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...
You know spies -- a bunch of bitchy little girls.
...family, too... Hey, is that your mom again?
...if you're desperate.... Someone needs your help, Michael.
...and a down-and-out spy you met along the way.
That's how we do it, people.
Bottom line -- as long as you're burned,
you're not going anywhere.
[ Whistles ] Michael: Put the weapon down.
Hands on your head!
Listen to me, Michael. Gray shot your brother.
He murdered Nate.
I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth if I have to.
Then I'll see you there.
Jesse: There she is.
Bye, sweetheart.
[ Engine turns over ]
[ Sighs ] Stay beautiful.
I'm sorry, Sam. Yeah.
I don't want to hear about it, Mike. Let's just go.
[ Tires squeal ]
So, all this is yours? Yeah. I'm kind of a big deal.
That's how I'm able to smuggle
freeloading super-spies to other countries.
They're in the warehouse! Schmidt, get out here!
I'll give you guys new identities, passports,
a free trip to wherever you want to go.
But you guys may have to foot some of the bill.
We're getting the passports. We need to know if you're coming.
Because of you, Mike,
the last time I kissed My Lady, she was crying.
I'll let you know.
One of the toughest tasks in intelligence work
is learning how to wait.
When meeting an operative in public,
you have to be on constant alert
for undercover law enforcement and surveillance.
But when anyone could be your enemy,
it's hard to act natural.
Michael: Is that book any good?
I've been meaning to read it.
There are no spies in it. That's a plus.
[ Children playing ]
I used to bring you and Nate here when you were little.
He loved the swings.
You couldn't pay him to get off of them.
Remember?
My arms still hurt from pushing him.
Eyes forward, Mom.
Remember, just two strangers chatting in the park.
It's all right. Nobody followed me here.
I bought a day at the spa, I sneaked out the back,
and just drove side streets all the way.
I'm clean.
They're stepping up the surveillance, Michael.
You've got to leave Miami.
That's why I wanted to talk. I need you to find Barry.
You want me to reach out to a mon-- a money launderer?
Have you heard nothing I've said?
Riley's watching me all the time. Please, Mom.
Meet him in the ladies' room of your lawyer's office
if you have to,
but I need him to transfer money
from our bank accounts to these countries.
[ Sighs ]
Moldova...Nauru?
Is that where you're going?
No, but the accounts are flagged by the CIA
and everyone they work with.
If we do the transfers, they'll be searching for us everywhere
except where we're headed.
Is this goodbye?
It's close. If you need me --
Draw a green "X" on the bus bench
in Miami Beach -- I got it.
[ Sniffles ]
I know physical contact isn't part of our cover...
But you're the only family I have left.
If they catch us, they catch us.
Thank you, Mom, for everything.
Have a nice time at the spa?
What are you people doing here?
Just wanted to make sure your day was as relaxing as you'd hoped it would be.
You scheduled five hours' worth of treatments, I understand.
You were at the spa that whole time?
Of course I was. [ Keys jingle ]
Your men were following me -- just ask them.
I did, and they told me the same thing.
Well, there you go.
But I believe in checking things out for myself,
so I did some digging.
That's from southwest 27th Street.
And that's you behind the wheel.
It's about five blocks from the spa.
It was taken an hour into your appointment.
I'd like to show you something else.
It's the agreement you signed to be truthful and forthcoming
with the agency, under penalty of perjury.
So, what happens now?
Now? I'm done playing games.
Cuff her.
Burn Notice 6x15 Best Laid Plans Original Air Date on December 6, 2012
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
An interrogation typically begins
with deprivation and discomfort.
That means the thermostat cranked all the way up,
uncomfortable furniture,
dim lights that strain the eyes,
and if there's food, not much of it.
It's all about making sure you're exhausted and vulnerable
before your interrogator even sets foot in the door.
Riley: My goodness.
Someone forgot to turn the air conditioner on in here.
I'm sorry I've kept you waiting.
[ Lighter clicks ]
I needed that.
Do you know what the bit
for an obstruction of justice charge is?
At your age, you'll die in prison.
Beats ending up in a nursing home.
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
You're helping an enemy of the state.
You're not gonna get sent to some medium-security playground.
You'll do hard time the whole time.
But tell us where your son is, it doesn't have to be that way.
The last I checked, the CIA is not allowed
to spy on an American citizen,
so I don't think I'd be the only one in trouble here.
You let me out now, or I'll call my lawyer.
[ Handcuffs rattle ]
If you think I would ever let you know
where my son's gonna go,
you're out of your goddamn mind.
Going to go?
So, he's still in town?
Thanks for all your help, Mrs. Westen.
Someone will be by to see you out.
[ Door closes ]
Schmidt: Hey, I'm not trying to get a fake I.D.
so I can buy Zimas.
No, you don't gouge Calvin Schmidt.
You -- are you laughing?
Don't laugh at me! Are you kidding?
[ Knock on door ]
[ Gun cocks ]
Hey.
"Hey," yourself.
Where is everybody?
Fi and Jesse are doing a perimeter check,
and Schmidt's making our travel arrangements.
I'm -- I'm actually trying to -- I'm helping you
by calling you a douche bag!
Yes, I am! Yes, I am.
[ Gun clicks ]
At least, he's trying to.
I didn't think you'd be back.
Well, I wasn't sure myself.
So, I went to see Elsa.
Don't give me any crap about breaking protocol.
No, Sam, I'm glad that you did. You should be 'cause she's the one
who convinced me to stick by you.
She said if I abandoned my best friend,
then I'm not the guy she fell in love with.
I don't know what to say. Thanks.
Don't thank me 'cause I told her we're not just running.
As soon as we get someplace safe,
we're gonna sit down and figure out a way to fix all of this.
So, please, Mike, don't make me a liar.
I promise you I'll make this right.
I don't know how, but... I will make this right, Sam.
Oh, no. No, no. We have a deal, Mr. Generous.
And I hope that you die in your sleep tonight!
That didn't sound good.
Getting you guys out of the country
is gonna be...more expensive than we originally planned.
How much?
$200,000 a head.
For fake I.D.s?!
Not for fake I.D.s -- for fake identities, okay?
And I'm talking work visas, credit histories,
and tax returns going all the way back
to the Clinton administration.
That's fantastic.
It really is, except for the part
where it's gonna cost 800 grand.
'Cause there's no way in hell we can swing that.
Fine, then I suggest you build a raft
and start paddling to Cuba...
Stop. Stop, stop. ...Because I have got nothing.
Unless I throw the world's most amazing bake sale
in the next two -- Schmidt, stop talking!
You still have pricy merchandise
sitting in your warehouse, right?
[ Sarcastically ] Yes, in the warehouse!
[ Fingers snap ] Problem solved. Oh, wait a minute --
you guys turned it into a gigantic crime scene.
There's cops all over the place. You can't even get close.
Let us worry about that. [ Sighs ]
What's the most expensive thing that we can carry out?
[ Scoffs ] Well, all right.
Assuming by some miracle you get by the cops, okay,
there is a compartment where I keep certain items
that I don't want my stickier-fingered employees
walking away with.
Tell us what we're looking for.
You're looking for a black case about yea big.
I have a client who, upon delivery, will pay $1 million.
What's in the case?
Call it "sensitive electronics."
Call your client. Tell him to expect it tomorrow.
Uh...Mike, I mean, every cop south of the Mason-Dixon's
looking for you,
so you're not making a cameo at a crime scene.
And, honestly, I shouldn't either.
Half the force knows this chin.
I'll talk to Jesse and Fi. [ Sighs ]
They're gonna walk into a suicide situation
just because you ask them to?
Yeah, that's pretty much how we roll.
So, look, Schmidty,
make sure you wear something comfortable tomorrow
'cause you're gonna help them get it.
Schmidt: Well, I'm no expert, but I'm guessing a sealed door,
plus three donut-eating cops, equals a...go-home situation?
Schmidt. Let's go tell Michael we tried.
Schmidt, can you hush for, like, two seconds, please?
Fi, check it out.
[ Sighs ] North wall -- 20 feet up.
[ Gasps ]
Thank you, Miami CSI, for being out to lunch.
I'm thinking we drive around back, come up the alley on foot.
Climb the truck, squirrel through the window.
[ Chuckling ] Wow, sorry, you -- you just said "squirrel"?
Do I look like a guy who "squirrels"?
Do you really want us to answer that?
No, I don't.
I was being rhetorical, handsome.
Large security forces can work to your advantage
because each individual thinks everybody else
is paying attention.
So, if you find a hole in the security, you can get in.
Of course, if anything goes wrong,
you're surrounded by the same security forces you snuck past.
Jesse: Dude, it's like two feet. Come on.
Schmidt: Okay, you gonna catch me?
Yeah, I'll catch you. Here we go. [ Grunts ] Okay.
Great teamwork. Thank you.
Shh! Just keep your voice down.
Now, where the hell is this case? Oh. [ Scoffs ]
Follow me.
And...I don't need the tone, okay?
[ Sighs ]
Okay, okay, okay. Hold up.
Uh, go six...tiles, four west, two...north.
Shouldn't you have a parrot on your shoulder?
Oh. [ Scoffs ] Hilarious.
Okay.
[ Grunting ] Look out.
Have at it. I don't do manual labor. [ Sighs ]
Oh, I would never have guessed.
And this thing's worth a fortune why, exactly?
'Cause that is what someone is willing to pay for it.
[ Grunting ] Ah, and it's heavy as hell.
Lift with your knees.
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ] Aah, I think I just slipped a disc.
Hola, senoritas! I missed you.
What the hell are you doing? What --
[ bottle shatters ] What the hell was that?
You think somebody heard that? Yes, they heard.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I -- I can't go to prison.
I will not do well in prison.
Look, no one's going to prison.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
We are gonna bust our way out of here.
[ Engine turns over ] Go through the wall like the kool-aid guy?
What are you, nuts?!
Get in.
Schmidt: Aah!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Okay, drive.
Watch the gates. Oh!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! All right, go!
Let's go. Go, go, go, go, go!
Jesse, you're driving.
[ Bullets ricocheting ]
[ Tires squeal ]
Ooh! Drive, bald man, drive!
[ Engine shuts off ]
[ Panting ] Okay.
Okay.
Is -- is anyone else at 300 over 140?
'Cause I -- I'm feeling my heartbeat in my retinas.
Everybody okay? [ Scoffs ]
Yeah, 'cause God has a sense of humor.
We should be shot! We should be dead!
Simmer down. You're gonna blow a gasket.
Fiona: Oh, don't bother.
He's been like this the whole way here.
Um...guys?
Looks like the mystery box... took a few bullets.
Actually, it took a lot of bullets.
Well, good job, super friends.
It's destroyed. It's destroyed. You got to be kidding me.
Mike, this is bad. This thing was our ticket out.
Sam and Jesse are picking up some new wheels
in case we have to run.
[ Door closes ]
So, I'm just gonna go ahead and ask --
what the hell is that thing?
Schmidt: It was a remote circuit cutter.
It's for disabling alarm systems.
How does it work?
How it did work -- it was -- okay, look.
See -- see this?
It's a collimator. There's three of these.
They fire gamma rays, same as they use in brain surgery.
And you aim these at an alarm circuit
and the point where the beams cross...
[ Clicks tongue ] Kills all the electronics.
[ Grunts ] What am I gonna do?
My -- my client expects delivery on this!
You're still gonna deliver it.
[ Laughing ] No, I'm not, as it is broken.
And unless one of you has a degree in quantum physics,
there's no way to fix it. We don't have to fix it.
We just need to make it look good enough for the hand-off.
Call your client, buy as much time as you can.
No, my -- my client robs and kills people for a living.
So, we don't have to feel bad about ripping him off.
[ Stammers ]
Just for the record, I think this is a terrible idea,
and I think that you are not in a rational head space.
Hey!
Yep. [ Chuckling ] It's me.
Um...Okay.
Well, listen, I-I -- I-I hit some delays.
Uh...I can have this thing for you next Tuesday, easily.
Okay. Oh, okay. [ Laughing ] All right.
Okay, bye.
He says if he doesn't have this by 4:00 today,
he will shoot me in the throat.
Well, that doesn't give us much time to fake this thing.
Well, then, we better get started.
[ Metal clatters ] Mm!
As a spy, you deal with a lot of dangerous people
and a lot of dangerous technology.
Since it's a bad idea to put them together,
you get pretty good at faking sophisticated hardware.
The good news is that the more high-end the technology,
the less likely your buyer is to know how it works.
Hand them a device that looks right, feels right,
and sounds right, and it should do the trick.
[ Whirring ]
[ Whirring stops ]
And adding a listening device is never a bad idea.
Oh, one more thing -- for luck.
Fi, we already have ears on the meeting.
The last thing we want is a gun in Schmidt's hands.
Well, what if something happens and we don't get there in time?
Fi, we have a plan.
Don't take this personally,
but our plans haven't been going so well lately.
When you have a full-time surveillance team on your tail,
it's difficult to set private meetings.
So, if you need to arrange a sit-down
with someone you can't contact directly,
you have to contact them indirectly.
Barry Burkowski -- I have an appointment.
B-u-r-k...owski.
Burkowski -- no, I don't see you.
What are you talking about?
I got a call from a nurse that said I needed to come down
right away for some tests.
Some tests regarding a, um...
[ Clicks tongue ]
Aggressive fungus -- in a very sensitive area.
I'm sorry.
We don't have an appointment for a Barry Burkowski.
Really?
Well, that's too bad for you because I'm not going anywhere
until I see a doctor and they tell me that I'm parasite-free.
So, you work it out.
Barry. Funny running into you.
Mrs. Westen. What are the odds of --
It was you.
You set this appointment.
Well, the good news is you don't have a fungus.
The bad news is... Michael needs your help.
You mean your fugitive son, "he who must not be named"?
Yes, him.
Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to have,
like, a team of 24/7 federal babysitters?
Actually, I do. [ Chuckles ]
In fact, they were nice enough to drop me off.
Okay, hold on a second.
I think my brain just exploded.
What if they see us talking?
Don't worry.
They're waiting for me in a coffee shop down the street.
Now, unless you want me
to introduce them to you personally,
I would suggest that you hear me out.
Yeah, but, uh... Let's just do this somewhere
a little more private.
Perfect. Um...Okay.
Let me get this straight now.
Mike wants me to throw up a financial smoke screen
for every agency in the known universe?
Well, you usually hide money to avoid the authorities,
so now just... do the opposite.
"Do the opposite."
There could be some serious blowback here.
You know, that never stopped Michael from helping you.
How many times has he saved your ass?
Three, four times?
I have saved his, too.
All right, well, I've helped save.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Fine, look, I'm gonna do it.
Good -- 'cause it needs to be done today.
All right.
Now...I need you to bring the account numbers to this address.
[ Paper rips ]
This is my loft in the design district.
Be careful. Make sure you're not followed.
All right, thanks, Barry.
Oh, and, Mrs. Westen, one thing --
the next time that you set up a meeting
with somebody in a doctor's office,
just go with something easy like...gluten allergy.
'Cause the fungus down under...
[ Inhales deeply ] ...freaked me out.
Good to know. Thanks.
I can't do this, all right?
Yes, you can. See?
The gizmo looks as good as new. This'll be a cakewalk.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
You don't have to stare into the abyss of Thorne's eyes
and try to rip him off.
Take a breath. [ Breathes deeply ]
Good, now describe how a meeting usually goes.
So, I show up. Uh...I say hi.
Sometimes he says hi -- not usually.
And then I give him the merchandise.
He gives me the cash.
And you go your separate ways.
Yes. B-but what if he asks me to demonstrate how this works?
Has he ever asked that before?
No, but he -- then don't explain anything.
[ Sighs ]
Just give him the case, take the money, walk away.
Like it's any other deal.
But this not any other deal, is it?
B-because in any other deal,
I'm not selling him a broken box for $1 million.
W-where's the gun in this?
Fiona said she put a gun in here.
How does it come out? Hold on.
There's a gun underneath that panel,
but don't even think about going for it.
'Cause the chances of you blowing off your big toe
are much better than hitting Thorne.
Now, we got to go.
Schmidt, when in doubt, keep your mouth shut.
Okay.
Uh...I assume the Mike in this is working
and you guys can all hear me.
Uh, if I die today,
my ghost will haunt your children's children.
It'll be like one of those Japanese movie ghosts, too --
like the little girl floating.
Really creepy.
[ Sighs ]
Michael, are you sure he's gonna be able to sell this?
Jesse: Seriously, Mike, dude looks like a hot mess.
Michael: He'll sell it. He has no choice.
Get ready -- I think our buyer's here.
[ Chuckling ] Thorne.
You look well...armed. [ Chuckles ]
What can I say? I always come prepared.
I missed you, little buddy.
If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were ducking me.
[ Scoffs ]
Why would I duck my favorite client?
Where the hell you been?
Oh, you know, doing my thing.
Uh...there was a whole backup with my warehouse --
Yeah, whatever.
I didn't ask you for your life story. Are we gonna do this, or what?
Yes. Uh, I believe this is yours.
Okay.
[ Sighs ]
My, oh, my. She is a thing of beauty.
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
[ Tinking ]
Hey.
What the hell's up with this?
What...the hell's... up with what?
The specs I gave you said that the housing
was supposed to be platinum.
Wait, what?
In almost any operation,
there's a moment when everything
hangs in the balance,
when a dribble of sweat, a clumsy answer,
or even a stutter could get you killed.
Why didn't I use platinum? Yes.
Because, look, this is tungsten.
Okay, th-this keeps the gamma rays from leaking
better than platinum.
Tungsten's all the rage now.
Is that so?
Yes, that's so.
Michael: Damn it, walk away.
I told him to walk away.
Take the money and walk away, Schmidt.
In fact, my tech said so, who, by the way,
completely upgraded the calibration
and guidance systems free of charge.
And, y-you know, that's why you come to me.
I go the extra mile -- [ Grunts ]
You showed this to a tech? What tech?
He's cool! He's cool, okay? He's a Professor.
He does this kind of stuff all the time.
[ Chuckling ] It's not a big deal.
It's a huge deal because it's not what I asked for!
Sorry.
Schmidty, if this has a bunch of changes,
I don't know if I'm still gonna be able to use it.
That's why he said he is coming here
to walk you through the whole thing.
He's on his way right now.
Did he just say his tech is on his way?
What the hell is he talking about?
We got to go in.
No, no. Hold off. Hold off.
If they're waiting on a tech, let's just give them one.
Everybody watch my back.
No, Sam, you're not going in there. You don't know how it works.
No, Schmidt gave me the whole spiel on how it works.
I'll be fine.
I'm not putting you in that position, Sam.
Well, you're not -- I am. I got this.
Good luck. Thanks, brother.
I don't see this tech.
He's coming.
When, Christmas?
[ Grunts ] I don't like this.
I don't like this at all.
I say we take him out to the Everglades
and find us an alligator. Grab him. Okay, listen --
wait! He -- afternoon, gentlemen.
Oh, there he is. Hey. Hey!
Hey, guy. Glad you made it.
Yeah, so am I.
Hey, geniuses, thanks for setting up a meeting
in the middle of rush hour.
Settle down. What's your name?
Dr. Charles Finley.
Schmidt said you wanted to review my work.
Most of the upgrades, frankly, are gonna go...
way over your head, but the operation is the same.
Guidance and calibration have been revamped.
Most importantly, though, the collimator velocity --
that's the story of the day.
Okay, save it, Einstein.
We were planning a little dry run with the cutter anyway.
You're coming with.
Oh, well, that's not possible.
[ Sighs ]
See, I'm just here to show you how this works.
I've got important research to get back --
[ gun cocks ]
Your beakers will be there when you get back, Doc.
Let's go.
This is crazy. Just listen to me.
You want to test the cutter?
That's fine. We'll book some time at my lab.
We'll do it the right way.
We can do it your way when you make the rules.
Today's my day. Get in the truck.
Well, we need to know where we're going first.
Never mind that -- you'll find out.
No, no! Not "never mind."
Not even close.
Look, if I'm breaking into some nuclear facility,
I've got to know.
[ Sighing ] Okay.
The place is called Pharmatech.
It's in Fort Lauderdale. They're closed on the weekends.
As long as the toy works on the back door, you'll be fine.
In case you forgot, this thing doesn't work.
They're going to kill . Just stay calm, okay?
My friends are listening in -- they'll help us out.
[ Sighs ] So, what now?
We get to Pharmatech and set something up
before they get there.
That's off A1A -- it's got to be 45 minutes away.
I'll have us there in 30.
[ Engine turns over ]
Banking security algorithms look for anything unusual --
transfers in large amounts, on the same day,
or to multiple countries at the same time.
Do any one of those, and you might get red-flagged.
Do all of them, and you'll send the authorities looking for you
anywhere you want them to.
One more transfer to the bank in Moldova, and we're done.
CIA and Interpol -- they're gonna be
chasing their tails hunting for Mike like a --
[ telephone rings, beeps ]
Yo. What?
Whoa, come again?
Where are they now? Okay. Thanks for the tip.
[ Telephone beeps ] What was that?
My little bird at the Miami P.D. just informed me
that there's a federal raid scheduled for here
in 10 minutes.
I thought you told me these transfers
couldn't be traced back to you!
They can't! They must have followed you.
No way in hell, Barry!
Did you phone anyone? Anyone at all?!
No...one important.
No, I had to cancel a tanning session
and an O2 session -- that's it.
You're a known associate of Michael Westen's.
All of these cancellations is probably what tipped them off.
Yeah, well, you know,
sue me for not wanting to screw over my manscapist.
You know, hanging out with your family
is like having a venereal disease --
it's the gift that just keeps on giving.
You're right. It's my fault.
I should probably never have brought these here.
Look, technically, it's Mike's fault, okay?
But we can do this blame game later.
There is a fire escape off the east sun porch, so go.
Aren't you coming? No!
These hard drives are not gonna slag themselves.
Plus, I've got my ledger, my files --
I'm not leaving you behind!
Yes, you are, Mrs. Westen. Now go.
Seriously, there's no point in both of us getting caught!
Get out of here! Go! Scram!
I-I'm sorry, Barry.
Tell Mike he owes me -- again!
[ Electricity hums ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
[ Cellphone beeps ] Hello.
Mrs. Westen, in the last 10 minutes
I've received calls from Scotland Yard, Interpol,
and some jackass in the Moldovan army.
They're all deploying assault teams
based on new leads on your son's whereabouts.
The thing is, each lead is in a different corner of the globe.
Sounds like you've got a lot of important,
pissed-off people on your hands.
Why are you calling me?
Because you put Burkowski up to this.
Really? What makes you say that?
I found three cigarette butts in his ash tray.
They happen to be your favorite brand.
And once the DNA work comes back,
I'll have proof that you were involved.
You've crossed the rubicon, Mrs. Westen, and now I -- [ Click ]
[ Sighs ]
Looks like we beat them here.
Okay. Thorne said they're gonna be doing the test on the back door.
How do you want to play it?
If they're following the speed limits,
we've got about 10 minutes before they get here.
I say we shoot this out.
Fi, these guys have machine guns. Sam would get killed.
Well, Sam will be killed for sure when that circuit cutter doesn't work.
She's right, Mike. There's no way of turning off the alarms from the inside.
Then we'll do it from the inside.
Do you think the two security guards
might have something to say about that?
I guess we'll find out.
Spies love buildings with assigned parking spaces.
If you need to talk your way past security,
they give you the name of the company's employees,
their positions, and even how powerful they are,
all with just a stroll through the parking lot.
Hello!
Building's closed on Saturdays.
Yeah, I know. We actually work here.
I'm Don Sterling on the third floor.
I lost my wallet,
and Roger here demagnetized his key.
Cellphone. I'm sorry. I can't let you guys in.
We understand you got a job to do.
We totally respect that --
we have this huge presentation for an FDA bigwig on Monday.
We're a little behind the eight ball.
Look, I wish I could help you guys out.
If you want to talk to my supervisor,
I could give you his number.
I get it -- I totally understand.
You are such an idiot! Don, this is all your fault.
I'm an idiot? My fault? If you hadn't been drinking your lunch
out of a Martini glass all week,
we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
That's rich coming from "Roger Dodger,"
who's been dead weight since day one!
What'd you call me? "Dead weight"!
Dead weight? I'm dead weight?
Dead weight, day one!
Hey, break it up! Hey! Break it up!
Break it up! Break it up!
Look, we're not gonna hurt you,
but we need you to take us to the control room now.
Find it yourself. Seriously.
[ Sighs ] They're here. [ Sighs ]
We need to turn off those alarms now.
Jesse: Okay.
Frick and Frack are gonna make us do this the hard way.
The schematics to their security system.
Now, the main chip to the keypad is here,
six inches back from the wall. You think you can handle that?
Does a black hole suck?
Okay, Professor, show me what that bad boy can do.
Is there a whiff of a plan here,
or is this like a wait-and-die kind of situation?
Just keep it together. I saw Fi's car on the way in.
We just got to buy them time to figure something out.
Grab the keys.
Thorne: See that light there?
That means the alarm is armed.
Turn it off. No problemo.
Just realize it takes about a minute and a half to calibrate.
Yeah, whatever. Just hurry up -- we can't stand here all day.
And we can't rush this, either.
It's not like I'm programming a coffee maker.
So, please stand by. Schematics, please?
Fiona: Come on, guys. Please, tell me which key it is.
We're trying to save a man's life here -- two, if it matters.
Go to hell. [ Sighs ]
Look, I get it -- you hate us.
More to the left.
[ Beeping ]
And...Ah! Too far.
Thorne: You know what I think?
I think you're trying to rip me off
by selling me this piece of crap.
Do you know that every time you distract me, you slow me down?
Do you realize that?
So, let me just do my work, please.
Move!
[ Gun cocks ]
Time's up, Professor.
I said do it -- now.
[ Beep ]
There we go.
Turned it off -- just like I said.
Hmm.
[ Beep ] [ Sighs ]
That was un-fun.
[ Car door opens, closes ]
[ Chuckling ] Well, Thorne, it has been fun.
But we're gonna wrap it up.
Thorne: Yeah, we're not wrapping anything up just yet.
I mean, your buddy here did such a bang-up job,
I'm gonna need him tomorrow, too.
You want him on the heist?!
What are you, high? That's not part of the deal.
Schmidt, buddy, I thought you went the extra mile
for your clients?
I'll tell you what -- I'll throw in an extra $100k as a bonus.
Uh, look. Thanks, but no thanks.
Come on, I'm a scientist, not a master thief.
So, if you can just take us home.
You go home after you do the job,
or you don't go home at all, Professor.
[ Car door closes ] Let's go.
[ Engine turns over ]
Like terrorists, organized criminals,
tend to be cautious about the people they work with
right before a major operation.
They watch you when you eat,
post someone outside the door when you go to the bathroom,
and force you to sleep under lock and key.
That is, assuming you can sleep.
Sam. Hey, Sam!
Jesus. What the hell are you doing?
Look, every time I close my eyes,
I-I see bullets flying and blood and entrails and --
Okay, just stop.
I don't know how you can just lie there, slumbering away,
knowing that tomorrow we're helping a psychopath
with a heist with a piece of equipment that does not work.
Okay, look, the bug in the cutter doohickey is still on,
so once Mike hears what those jokers are up to,
he'll come back and save us.
Yeah, 'cause everything he's touched has come up aces.
You watch it. Shut up and go to sleep.
The last thing we need is to be stumbling around
like a couple of zombies tomorrow.
[ Sighs ]
Do you mind if we trade cots?
Go to sleep, Schmidt.
Thorne: Up and at them, ladies.
[ Sighs ] Game time.
[ Grunts ]
[ Imitates explosion ]
All right, listen up. I just heard from my guy.
Turns out the trade show is much bigger than we thought.
The Miami Gem Center is holding -- and wait for it --
$90 million worth of stones in their vaults.
Now, so far, all the guard shift changes
are are happening as scheduled.
[ Beeping ] What are you doing?
Well, it sounds like you've got a busy day planned.
I mean, you want to make sure this puppy is charged, right?
We go at 7:00 a.m.
Joey, you park the car here on 27th.
We set up here. Guys.
Nick, you cut through the east gate...
Guys, Sam's back online.
...on my command.
Greg, Tommy, and I rush in and 86 the guards.
Now, the only thing standing between us and early retirement
is a couple of $10-an-hour corpses.
But that all depends on you, Professor.
There's a Miami P.D. station a half a mile away.
You don't kill those alarms, cops show up under 30 seconds.
That's 28 seconds longer than you'll live.
Well, I sure appreciate the pep talk,
but I got a bone to pick with your plan.
[ Scoffs ] What's that?
The east wall in the gem center is a nightmare.
You got your PBX switch, you got your HVAC controls --
they're all housed there.
So, yes, I can kill the alarm, but there's no guarantee
that I won't set off the fire sprinklers at the same time.
So, what are you saying?
Well, I'm saying that the service entrance
would be a hell of a lot easier to break into.
Here?
That means we'd have to walk all the way around the block
with the gear, genius. You want your jewels?
You want to get in and out clean?
Trust me -- it'll be worth it.
Get me there at 7:00,
you'll be cutting through that door at 7:05 on the button.
Okay. We do it your way.
Just make sure it goes quick.
Yeah, speaking of which, we want our cash in the van.
Not that I don't appreciate your hospitality,
but we go our separate ways when the job is over.
You think I'm gonna stiff you?
Well, you did change the deal on us once.
Y-you did kidnap us at gunpoint.
You shut up. Okay.
Fine. The money will be in the van.
Let's grab our gear and move. Did he just --
he just called our play. Look.
The back side of the gem center is over here,
out of sight from where they'll park the getaway van.
The van that Sam just made sure would be stuffed with cash.
Sam, you brilliant son of a bitch.
I'll never admit that I said that.
Whether you're a spy or a thief,
the first priority in assaulting a building
is remaining concealed.
If you hit the building early on a Sunday morning,
you won't have traffic or pedestrians to worry about.
And if you arrive dressed as a state-contracted cleaning crew,
anyone who does see you won't give you a second look.
Your nest egg will be here with your buddy when we get back.
Hey, Steve, if Schmidt even looks at you sideways,
you shoot him.
Let's move.
Fiona: Looks like they only left the driver in the van.
Yeah, I count four on team heist.
Judging by those big-ass bags, I'd say they're loaded for bear.
Michael: Fi, you need to be in place by 7:05.
The timing will have to be perfect.
I'll be fine.
Take care of yourself.
You, too.
Yes, and I will also take care of myself.
The best way to engage your enemy
isn't always with a gun in your hand.
[ Knock on window ] Hey, buddy. How about a car wash, huh?
Come off as harmless and weak,
and you can get close to your target
without him getting suspicious. Come on, I got kids.
Hey, man, I said stop it. All right? Hey!
And that's when you strike. [ Gagging ]
[ Lock clicks ]
Th-that was like ninja-warrior stuff, man.
You're welcome. Grab the cash.
Is he dead?
No, but you'll be if you don't hurry up and move!
Sorry.
Thorne: Okay, Professor, let her rip.
[ Beeping ]
Come on, already.
[ Whirring ]
Okay, that should do it.
[ Whirring stops ] You sure?
Yeah, go ahead. Open the door.
You'll hear the sweet sound of nothing.
Let me just, uh, pack this up.
[ Grunts ]
For an operative,
smuggling a gun into a mission is only half the battle.
The real trick is getting to it when you need it.
It's not the kind of thing where you get a second chance,
so when you make your move, you better make it count.
[ Alarm beeping ]
Does that sound like nothing to you? Drop the gun!
That goes for all of you. Drop it right down.
Turn around.
Back up. Let's go. Straight back.
Let's go. Same with you.
Gun in the water. Let's go!
Do it, or I put one in his head.
Hurry up! Come on, move it!! Let's go!
Back to the wall. Face the wall. Eat it.
You really think you can rip me off?
I'm not ripping anybody off, Thorne.
That circuit cutter is yours to keep,
so consider our transaction complete.
[ Horn honks ]
[ Tires screech ]
Have a good one.
What are you doing?
Get back to the van! Let's go!
[ Sirens wailing ]
What the hell?
[ Tires screech ]
No!
On your knees!
Hands on your head now.
Officer: Get on the ground!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Son of a bitch.
Okay. I talked to my guy.
He will be able to get you to Buenos Aires.
Just waiting on the passports, but it's all taken care of.
Jesse: I'd say that calls for a toast.
Yeah, none for me. None for you?
Weren't you the one singing love ballads
to this Tequila at your warehouse?
Oh, well, thank you for offering me my own alcohol.
That's -- that's generous, but I'm not in the mood.
Oh, come on, pal. Lighten up -- one little pop.
One thing that I'm not to you or you or any of your ilk is a pal.
Ouch.
Hey, Schmidt, you know what I was just thinking about?
Remember that one time when we saved your life?
Oh, yeah, I do. Oh, you know what?
That doesn't count
when you're the guys who almost got me killed.
You destroyed my warehouse. I'm ripping off my clients.
You guys ruined me.
And you know what I call people who do that?
I call them enemies. That's what I call them.
Well, for what it's worth, we're the kind of enemies
who won't forget what you did for us.
Yeah. The kind of enemies you can call on anytime.
Seriously, man. Thank you.
Okay, fine. I'll do -- I'll do your dumb toast,
but only because I cannot wait
for all of you to get the hell out of my country.
Well, we'll take it.
[ Glasses clink ]
Here's to seeing the world.
May the skin of your bum never cover a drum.
Right.
Leaving signals in public is a time-honored way
for spies to communicate in the field.
It's reliable and easy,
but the downside is you have to check for messages
on a constant basis.
Fiona: Michael, the bench -- green "X."
And if you see one,
you have to hurry to a rally point as fast as you can...
[ Tires squeal ]
...and hope that it's not too late.
Mom, is everything all right?
We saw the signal. No.
Everything isn't all right. Fiona: What happened?
Did the transfers --
No, no, the transfers are fine.
But Riley has Barry.
And she knows I'm the one who put him up to it.
Can she prove ? [ Sighs ]
She has DNA -- something. I don't know.
She's coming after me now.
I'm so sorry, mom.
[ Crying ] It doesn't matter.
I'm really, really sorry.
It's all right.
You're doing the best you can, honey.
I'll find a place to live.
I've got, um...I've got a friend from high school.
I mean, I haven't... talked to her in years,
but I could probably stay there.
Madeline, you can't stay in Miami.
Well, what am I supposed to do?!
You'll come with us.
We're already having cover I.D.s made.
We'll make one more.
Michael, do I look like somebody
who's ready for a life on the run?
Please, Mom.
I need you to do this.
Why?
'Cause I promised Sam I would make this right,
and I can't do that with you in prison.
Because you're the only family I have left.
[ Sighs, sniffles ]
Well, I'm not going anywhere cold.
I mean it.
Deal.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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