1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,413 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:01,574 --> 00:00:02,497 Sonja. 3 00:00:03,385 --> 00:00:04,374 Awkward. 4 00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:11,307 Nice to see you again. 5 00:00:12,292 --> 00:00:14,133 I'm pregnant. You didn't notice my bump? 6 00:00:14,294 --> 00:00:17,094 - Julian's a writer, too. - Really? My condolences. 7 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,889 I like to think of myself as more of a creative midwife. 8 00:00:20,051 --> 00:00:21,698 You're officially back together? 9 00:00:21,818 --> 00:00:23,976 - Until we fuck it up. - Could be any second now. 10 00:00:26,515 --> 00:00:28,488 I got this, book deal. 11 00:00:29,388 --> 00:00:32,109 They want to write about why everything I touch turns to gold. 12 00:00:32,270 --> 00:00:33,236 You write it. 13 00:00:33,398 --> 00:00:35,262 - Beatrice Trixie. - Hank Moody. 14 00:00:35,525 --> 00:00:37,532 One girl, two cocks: Ultimate showdown! 15 00:00:38,591 --> 00:00:42,411 I've had both of them, but they forget that they both paid for the sex. 16 00:00:42,573 --> 00:00:45,707 Have we met? You always have some fucking excuse! 17 00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:48,334 Dude, this fucking perv just tried to mouth-rape me. 18 00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,795 - I accidentally went down on her. - I fucking hate you! 19 00:00:51,915 --> 00:00:53,881 If you sit here, people will think you're weird. 20 00:00:54,043 --> 00:00:56,467 And here I was, planning to run for prom queen. 21 00:00:59,297 --> 00:01:00,930 Back to work, assholes! 22 00:01:01,152 --> 00:01:02,890 We're making rock history here! 23 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:09,083 23 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:14,000 Californication 2x04 - The Raw & The Cooked - 24 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:26,020 Woman! What are you doing? I'm rocking "medium" now. 25 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:28,249 86th percentile. Don't shut the "freebird" down. 26 00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:31,722 - What happened to the clearing up? - I kind of focused on the patio. 27 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,471 And then I was summoned by the Gods of rock. 28 00:01:34,591 --> 00:01:36,884 - One must take heed of that shit. - Right. 29 00:01:37,466 --> 00:01:41,371 We're having a dinner party. So why would you focus on the patio? 30 00:01:41,491 --> 00:01:43,881 God! When you say it out loud like that, it sounds awful. 31 00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:47,469 - Is it too late to call off? - Stop it. It's gonna be fun, right? 32 00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:48,561 Really? 33 00:01:48,723 --> 00:01:51,981 'Cause I think it's gonna be like having a Q-Tip jammed up my urethra. 34 00:01:52,902 --> 00:01:54,775 For three hours. Without lube. 35 00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:57,320 Which could be fun if you do it... to me. 36 00:01:57,652 --> 00:01:59,780 - Wanna? - Come on. Let's get going. 37 00:02:00,215 --> 00:02:02,384 But I think you should check out the patio. 38 00:02:02,504 --> 00:02:04,994 I think you'll be pleased. 39 00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,082 Judas Priest, Hank. 40 00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:12,084 What are you up to? 41 00:02:13,779 --> 00:02:16,464 I was hoping you'd finally make an honest woman of me. 42 00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:18,490 What is that? 43 00:02:18,713 --> 00:02:20,760 Is it not jaw-droppingly beautiful? 44 00:02:21,026 --> 00:02:23,776 Does it not to make the love juices to flow? 45 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:29,226 I thought you gave that to a homeless woman. 46 00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:32,104 Who gives diamonds to the homeless? Not I, Rabbi. 47 00:02:33,976 --> 00:02:36,532 - I don't know what to say... - Okay, well then, 48 00:02:36,652 --> 00:02:38,694 let me relieve you of your root vegetables... 49 00:02:39,568 --> 00:02:40,864 and allow me. 50 00:02:45,777 --> 00:02:47,127 I love you, Karen. 51 00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:50,665 And I wanna spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of you. 52 00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:54,720 And I want the rest of my life to start right now. 53 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:01,361 I'm sick and tired of fighting about the past. 54 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:04,031 We're not going anywhere. I get that now. 55 00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:06,082 This is our home. 56 00:03:07,543 --> 00:03:10,521 Because home is wherever you and Becca are. 57 00:03:13,107 --> 00:03:14,157 I love L.A. 58 00:03:14,607 --> 00:03:15,629 Seriously. 59 00:03:16,882 --> 00:03:20,069 - I love it. I can't get enough of it. - You are so full of shit. 60 00:03:20,297 --> 00:03:22,047 Will you marry me, Karen? 61 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,200 Queen of my dreams... 62 00:03:27,481 --> 00:03:29,031 mother of my child... 63 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,747 lady of the valley... 64 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:33,791 Any more? 65 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,832 Fuck, now I'm out. 66 00:03:38,632 --> 00:03:40,297 I'm so wet right now. Are you? 67 00:03:42,461 --> 00:03:44,677 It must be like Niagara falls down there? 68 00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:48,568 You could always check it out for yourself. 69 00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:39,457 - Why am I here? - The question that plagues us all, Mia. 70 00:04:39,577 --> 00:04:40,676 Why are you here? 71 00:04:40,796 --> 00:04:43,173 She's here because the poor little Wunderkind 72 00:04:43,293 --> 00:04:45,443 is spending too much time alone. 73 00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:49,200 "Wunderkind"? Are we just tossing that term around now? Really? 74 00:04:49,795 --> 00:04:52,543 I may be alone, but I am far from lonely. 75 00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:55,431 You wouldn't believe how many Facebook fucktards wanna be my friends. 76 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:59,086 Hey, Mia, could you use your big-girl words right now? 77 00:05:01,196 --> 00:05:04,667 Historically, Bill was always fine with the creative use of profanity. 78 00:05:04,918 --> 00:05:07,803 - So I recall. - But I guess you weren't. 79 00:05:08,105 --> 00:05:10,763 Maybe that's why things didn't work out between you two. 80 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,048 You see, I don't understand why we invite her. 81 00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:19,314 We already have one sullen, disrespectful she-devil in our midst. 82 00:05:21,038 --> 00:05:23,275 How is that any better than the last? 83 00:05:23,437 --> 00:05:25,194 You said to change, I changed. 84 00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:26,278 Change again. 85 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,030 You're making me mad, mother. 86 00:05:30,418 --> 00:05:31,367 Hank, enough! 87 00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:33,786 - I am making you mad? - Allow me to defuse. 88 00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:36,543 Mrs. Moody? 89 00:05:37,427 --> 00:05:38,360 Ms... 90 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,380 Moody. 91 00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:40,807 Mr. Moody. 92 00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:42,805 - Not so fast. - What? 93 00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:45,927 - Did you hear me say yes at any point? - You didn't have to. 94 00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:49,051 Your eyes said it for you. As did the arching of your back 95 00:05:49,171 --> 00:05:52,470 and the soft, gentle swell of your flower, 96 00:05:52,971 --> 00:05:54,454 the urgent release of... 97 00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:01,531 - You smell like cigarettes. - What? 98 00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:03,443 No. It's Mia. 99 00:06:03,935 --> 00:06:06,069 Mia's been smoking. As for Becca... 100 00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:08,235 She'll be back to her sweet, little, 101 00:06:08,355 --> 00:06:10,948 unicorn-loving self in no time. 10 or 12 years, tops. 102 00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:13,247 - You promise? - I promise. 103 00:06:14,090 --> 00:06:16,047 In the meantime, let's focus on the good. 104 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,926 We's getting hitched, woman. 105 00:06:18,046 --> 00:06:22,001 And just a few short hours ago, you had a big, fat orgasm. This is heady stuff. 106 00:06:22,162 --> 00:06:24,110 Yours was pretty rockin', as well. 107 00:06:24,695 --> 00:06:26,611 Yes, I was concerned for your safety. 108 00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:28,159 You were? How come? 109 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,110 I was afraid that the sheer force of my ejaculate might do some internal damage. 110 00:06:32,230 --> 00:06:34,930 - You okay down there? - Don't flatter yourself. 111 00:06:35,681 --> 00:06:37,454 - That's him. - Him who? 112 00:06:37,791 --> 00:06:38,749 The boy. 113 00:06:38,869 --> 00:06:41,162 What boy? You didn't say anything about a boy. 114 00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:43,660 Because I didn't want to do this for days. 115 00:06:44,642 --> 00:06:46,359 Go get the door. And be nice. 116 00:06:46,730 --> 00:06:49,303 I'm nice. I'm always nice. I love gentlemen callers. 117 00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:53,366 Fucking kid better watch his ass... Mia? Load my shotgun. 118 00:06:53,675 --> 00:06:55,139 Come on! Lipstick! 119 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,333 - Who are you? - Damien. 120 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,628 What do you want? 121 00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:07,005 I'm here to see Becca Moody. 122 00:07:09,315 --> 00:07:10,634 Do you like the rap music? 123 00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:13,157 - Yeah. - Yeah? 124 00:07:13,277 --> 00:07:15,006 - G's up. - G's up. 125 00:07:17,258 --> 00:07:19,037 What about Roe V. Wade? 126 00:07:20,464 --> 00:07:23,063 I mean, I think it's the woman's choice. 127 00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,523 Why should I let you in? 128 00:07:25,823 --> 00:07:27,009 Well, 'cause... 129 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:30,028 I'd kind of really like to get away from... them. 130 00:07:31,205 --> 00:07:33,740 I don't blame you. Why are they doing that? 131 00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:35,033 I don't know. 132 00:07:35,552 --> 00:07:38,327 - It's really creeping me out. - All right. Get inside, quick. 133 00:07:38,447 --> 00:07:40,835 Go play some Guitar Hero. I'm on "medium" now... 134 00:07:40,955 --> 00:07:42,308 86th percentile. 135 00:07:43,535 --> 00:07:44,827 Hey, assholes... 136 00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:47,671 Break it up. 137 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,257 We dropped some "e". 138 00:07:51,353 --> 00:07:52,842 You guys are fucking retarded! 139 00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:54,554 You're worse than Sid and Nancy. 140 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,700 - Yeah, that's right. - I never did it before. 141 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:57,815 Me likey! 142 00:07:58,220 --> 00:07:59,641 Just wait till we get naked. 143 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,483 That's something I'm looking forward to. 144 00:08:01,603 --> 00:08:03,662 Here's a novel idea: why don't you get naked 145 00:08:03,782 --> 00:08:06,346 and fuck yourselves goofy in the privacy of your own home? 146 00:08:06,466 --> 00:08:08,645 No way. We're starving. Let's eat. 147 00:08:09,828 --> 00:08:11,370 That's a very nice... 148 00:08:12,441 --> 00:08:13,455 shirt. 149 00:08:14,607 --> 00:08:16,655 Where are all the white bitches at? 150 00:08:17,491 --> 00:08:18,674 There she is. 151 00:08:19,279 --> 00:08:21,168 - I love you so much. - You do? 152 00:08:21,288 --> 00:08:22,288 Mia... 153 00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:24,541 How are you? Nice to see you. 154 00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:26,376 Gross! Is that a hard-on? 155 00:08:27,614 --> 00:08:28,958 Something poked me! 156 00:08:29,873 --> 00:08:32,684 - What's going on? Where are they? - In her room. 157 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,760 What is up with you, woman? She could be in her 1st trimester by now. 158 00:08:37,579 --> 00:08:38,763 - Becca. - Dad? 159 00:08:38,923 --> 00:08:40,265 Door open at all times. 160 00:08:40,425 --> 00:08:42,017 Get it? Got it? Good. 161 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,297 Damien... 162 00:08:43,534 --> 00:08:45,729 if that is your real name, and I'm not convinced... 163 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,399 ... I'm watching you. I'm not joking. 164 00:08:51,895 --> 00:08:54,189 Your hair is so gorgeous, Mia. 165 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,324 I want to chop it off and sleep in it, man. 166 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,715 Oh, boy. 167 00:09:01,246 --> 00:09:02,257 My God! 168 00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:04,881 - I didn't have time to get changed. - Hello, Dali! 169 00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,514 - You look gorgeous! - Thank you! 170 00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,995 - You look gorgeous, too. - My God. 171 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,873 - Sorry. - Very friendly. 172 00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:12,936 - You look gorgeous. - Can I get you... 173 00:09:13,056 --> 00:09:14,906 - Hi, man, how are ya? - Hi. 174 00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,790 - What the fuck was that? - What? 175 00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:20,908 - You just kissed me on the lips. - Sorry, friend. 176 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,224 I didn't mean to stir up any feelings you couldn't handle. 177 00:09:23,384 --> 00:09:25,860 No, I can handle it. I just think it's well within my rights 178 00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:29,019 to not want the taste of you on my lips. Or my lady's lips, for that matter. 179 00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:31,741 But thanks for the vino. Make yourself at home. 180 00:09:33,019 --> 00:09:34,295 That's beautiful. 181 00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:37,190 My father gave her a ring once, too. 182 00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:38,740 Didn't take. 183 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,620 - Thank you, sweetie. - So, Karen, when's the wedding? 184 00:09:43,127 --> 00:09:43,995 My God. 185 00:09:44,155 --> 00:09:46,604 He just, like, proposed to me a couple of hours ago. 186 00:09:46,724 --> 00:09:49,653 You know what? If you want, Julian can marry you. 187 00:09:50,029 --> 00:09:51,419 He's an ordained minister. 188 00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:55,673 - Why doesn't that surprise me at all? - It's called church of the Silentdawn. 189 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:57,550 And he's married so many couples. 190 00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,484 Which is odd 'cause, of course, he sure won't, you know, marry me. 191 00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:04,474 Maybe the baby is gonna change his mind. 192 00:10:05,232 --> 00:10:07,227 Or maybe he's just not that into you. 193 00:10:10,817 --> 00:10:11,899 That's rude. 194 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,023 Don't shoot the messenger. 195 00:10:19,629 --> 00:10:22,242 - Star power! - You should come to one of my workshop. 196 00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:24,619 - Free of charge. - You do workshops now? 197 00:10:24,779 --> 00:10:27,302 - I am down with that shit. - See what it's about. 198 00:10:27,422 --> 00:10:29,252 Maybe it'll help you with your writing. 199 00:10:29,372 --> 00:10:32,627 When you extract the artist within, does he cut you a check, too? 200 00:10:32,787 --> 00:10:35,505 Well, I suppose you could mock it if you want, 201 00:10:35,665 --> 00:10:38,691 but it does seem to be striking a minor chord out there. 202 00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:41,886 He's being very modest. 203 00:10:42,218 --> 00:10:45,515 It's selling like Michael Jackson's Thriller album. It's a great record. 204 00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:48,059 - Definitely one of my top 10. - I'm glad I know. 205 00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:53,583 You're just printing money over there, aren't you? 206 00:10:58,277 --> 00:11:00,029 That's a very nice material. What is it? 207 00:11:00,189 --> 00:11:01,397 I don't know. 208 00:11:01,517 --> 00:11:03,575 - Is that a linen or... - No idea. 209 00:11:06,553 --> 00:11:07,586 You done? 210 00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:11,207 You know, I'm not surprised 211 00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:15,207 that you attained best-seller status, because I think you tapped into 212 00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:19,299 one of the biggest markets there is. Everybody wants to feel special. 213 00:11:19,582 --> 00:11:20,575 They are. 214 00:11:20,894 --> 00:11:22,719 Even you... Hank Moody. 215 00:11:23,385 --> 00:11:25,153 First a kiss, now the sweet-talk. 216 00:11:25,273 --> 00:11:26,931 What's next, a little hand release? 217 00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:33,469 Will you excuse me a moment? 218 00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:39,102 Hey, guys, move that over. It's a little tight. 219 00:11:42,173 --> 00:11:43,685 All right, that's good. 220 00:11:46,614 --> 00:11:48,044 - Ashby! - Moody! 221 00:11:48,429 --> 00:11:49,867 What took you so long, man? 222 00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:52,009 Stopped to pick up some dessert. 223 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,501 - You'll thank me later. - Music people time. 224 00:11:57,004 --> 00:11:59,221 Destiny, Moody. Moody, Destiny. 225 00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:02,100 Yes, we haven't been formally introduced... 226 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:04,719 You brought me to the mouth-rapist's house? 227 00:12:04,879 --> 00:12:06,485 Oh, shit, from the party. 228 00:12:06,719 --> 00:12:08,684 I'm a fucking idiot. 229 00:12:11,191 --> 00:12:12,560 - Should I leave? - Yeah. 230 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,813 No, really. Come on, don't be silly. What's your old lady's name again? 231 00:12:15,973 --> 00:12:17,023 Karen. 232 00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:18,775 Got it. Karen, Karen, 233 00:12:18,935 --> 00:12:20,700 Karen, Karen, Karen. You ready? 234 00:12:20,879 --> 00:12:22,237 Come on, let's go deep. 235 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:36,002 Why don't... Does somebody want to say grace? 236 00:12:36,265 --> 00:12:38,710 Anybody? Damien? No grace from you? 237 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:40,755 - I'll say grace. - Fantastic. 238 00:12:40,915 --> 00:12:42,354 Take it away, daughter. 239 00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:46,302 Can you choose your words really carefully? Okay? 240 00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,901 I would like to thank the Lord below 241 00:12:51,342 --> 00:12:54,394 for giving me the strength to make it through this dinner. 242 00:12:54,554 --> 00:12:56,062 Praise hail Satan. 243 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:58,225 - That was cool. - And scary. 244 00:12:58,766 --> 00:13:01,715 - Seriously. I have chills. - Can you scratch my back, baby? 245 00:13:02,194 --> 00:13:03,471 That's interesting. 246 00:13:05,257 --> 00:13:06,531 That feels amazing. 247 00:13:06,691 --> 00:13:09,473 Becca's going through a bit of a phase right now. 248 00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:12,056 - It's not a phase, mother. - I know. 249 00:13:12,176 --> 00:13:14,370 - It's my religion. - Also she's willing to suffer for it. 250 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,447 She was sent to the principal's office 251 00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:19,168 the other day for possessing a Satanic Bible. 252 00:13:19,328 --> 00:13:22,505 Nothing like sending your kid to a "progressive" private school 253 00:13:22,665 --> 00:13:25,633 - that wants to burn your kid's books. - Yeah, but, then again, 254 00:13:25,952 --> 00:13:27,954 they might be right to raise an eyebrow. 255 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:29,169 After all... 256 00:13:29,845 --> 00:13:31,973 - Where does it end? - What do you mean? 257 00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:34,566 Well, it's all well and good to indulge your children, 258 00:13:34,686 --> 00:13:36,185 but to endorse a point of view 259 00:13:36,345 --> 00:13:37,766 that profanes every... 260 00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:41,359 sacrosanct concept in our culture is wrong, no? 261 00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:44,277 I think it's time to put Sir Walter Raleigh back in the can. 262 00:13:45,521 --> 00:13:46,904 - Well... - Honey... 263 00:13:47,064 --> 00:13:48,775 - it's none of our business. - Chapter 4: 264 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,533 lose your filter, find your way. 265 00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:52,987 - How could I forget? - Did somebody say "Gefilte"? 266 00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:54,537 Have you read it? 267 00:13:56,084 --> 00:13:58,593 - Excuse me? - Have you read the book? 268 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,974 I don't think I need to, honey. 269 00:14:01,288 --> 00:14:02,922 Don't "honey" me, mister. 270 00:14:03,456 --> 00:14:06,702 The Satanic Bible is actually the ultimate self-help book. 271 00:14:06,822 --> 00:14:09,051 It's not about worshipping the devil. 272 00:14:09,319 --> 00:14:12,281 It's about believing in yourself first and foremost 273 00:14:12,546 --> 00:14:15,375 and not wasting your time on psychic vampires. 274 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:18,156 If you read it, you might learn a thing or two 275 00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:20,325 because it actually makes a hell of a lot more sense 276 00:14:20,466 --> 00:14:22,148 than the Gobbledygook you're passing off 277 00:14:22,308 --> 00:14:24,901 on the average, everyday Barnes & Noble bottom-feeder. 278 00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:27,445 That's right... I've read your book. 279 00:14:28,056 --> 00:14:29,625 I want my money back. 280 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:30,900 O-tay! 281 00:14:31,984 --> 00:14:33,982 I don't know about you guys, but I think 282 00:14:34,102 --> 00:14:36,412 that deserves a slow handclap. 283 00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:41,125 - That's rude. - Bravo! 284 00:14:41,285 --> 00:14:42,543 No, no. Stop. 285 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,061 That girl's magic. What's her name? 286 00:14:46,181 --> 00:14:47,215 Becca. 287 00:14:47,665 --> 00:14:49,967 So when are you due, sweetie? 288 00:14:50,127 --> 00:14:53,513 - You are pregnant, right? - Oh, no. Yeah. I am pregnant. 289 00:14:53,673 --> 00:14:55,640 - Yes, I am. - Congratulations! 290 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,199 Thank you. And my due date is not far enough away. 291 00:14:58,319 --> 00:15:00,269 Did you guys have fun trying, or did you have 292 00:15:00,429 --> 00:15:02,657 to beat off into a test tube or something? 293 00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:06,176 I'm just asking. I mean, people do that shit... 294 00:15:06,608 --> 00:15:08,444 stuff... a lot nowadays. 295 00:15:08,895 --> 00:15:11,864 No, well, this happened the old-fashioned way. 296 00:15:12,974 --> 00:15:15,692 You gave her a little bit of the old artist within, didn't you? 297 00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:16,820 Salty dog. 298 00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:19,237 Actually, I'm not the father. 299 00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:23,126 - Not the father? - Oh, my God. 300 00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:24,899 I had no idea. I'm sorry. 301 00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:28,137 I have no secrets. There is no shame. 302 00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:33,663 But when we met, Sonja was already pregnant. 303 00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,398 I could smell it on her. 304 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:36,644 Smell it? 305 00:15:38,759 --> 00:15:40,268 Yeah, yeah. Really. 306 00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:42,895 He is serious. I didn't know and... 307 00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:44,531 That's... possible. 308 00:15:45,588 --> 00:15:47,447 Yeah, yeah. I know, right? 309 00:15:47,977 --> 00:15:50,403 It was quite a weird first date, it was. 310 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:55,330 I'll raise the child as my own. And I'll love it as my own. 311 00:15:55,566 --> 00:15:57,500 I think that is awesome. 312 00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:01,706 This is a grown man willing to stand up and take responsibility 313 00:16:01,866 --> 00:16:03,454 for another man's seed. 314 00:16:03,993 --> 00:16:05,449 - Big ups... - Thank you. 315 00:16:05,569 --> 00:16:06,630 Mad love... 316 00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:09,203 - Much respect. - Marcy... what is she doing? 317 00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:12,383 So you have no idea who the father is? 318 00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,761 I'm not that big a slut, Karen. 319 00:16:15,176 --> 00:16:17,430 - No! I... - No one's judging. 320 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,353 No one's judging, baby girl. 321 00:16:19,473 --> 00:16:22,050 - Some of my favorite humans are sluts. - My wife is a slut. 322 00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:24,717 I personally don't believe in that word. I think that a woman 323 00:16:24,837 --> 00:16:28,274 who indulges herself sexually should be celebrated and not condemned. 324 00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:30,761 Hey, chapter seven... "Let a ho be a ho," right? 325 00:16:30,968 --> 00:16:32,867 - That's right! - Amen to that, my brother. 326 00:16:32,987 --> 00:16:35,188 That's exactly what the Satanic Bible would say. 327 00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:36,350 Hail satan! 328 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,576 There was only one guy, according to Sonja. 329 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,778 And you know, she was lonely. 330 00:16:42,408 --> 00:16:43,478 He was there. 331 00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:46,255 You needed a little positive reinforcement, didn't you? 332 00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:48,252 And he gave you that. 333 00:16:48,704 --> 00:16:50,960 So, there is nothing to be ashamed of. 334 00:16:51,132 --> 00:16:52,381 We all do it. 335 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:56,494 The point is to rise above it and to love ourselves. 336 00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:57,845 Totally, totally. 337 00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,908 You just come up with that shit 338 00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:02,058 or do you have cue cards written somewhere? 339 00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:07,887 So I'm just doing a little mental math over here, 340 00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:09,774 and I think 341 00:17:10,085 --> 00:17:12,073 what you're saying, Sonja... 342 00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:14,862 And correct me if I'm wrong... 343 00:17:15,795 --> 00:17:18,858 But that Hank could very well be the father of the child. 344 00:17:18,978 --> 00:17:21,208 Because you guys definitely bumped uglies 345 00:17:21,328 --> 00:17:23,642 that one night at my father's, right? 346 00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:26,833 You wear a cock bag? 347 00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:30,419 Nope. He hates rubbers. 348 00:17:30,579 --> 00:17:32,505 Yeah. Me too. I can't feel a damn thing. 349 00:17:32,665 --> 00:17:33,756 I love rubbers. 350 00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:36,092 - Keeps him in the game. - Keeps me in the game. 351 00:17:39,328 --> 00:17:41,141 God, I'm sorry. I didn't... 352 00:17:42,066 --> 00:17:43,724 I didn't want it to come out like this. 353 00:17:47,673 --> 00:17:49,607 I've been trying to find a way to tell you. 354 00:17:49,727 --> 00:17:51,249 But it doesn't matter. 355 00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:54,360 You know, I mean, I want this baby no matter what. 356 00:17:57,196 --> 00:18:00,649 Dude, this is my favorite dinner party ever. I'm so glad I came. 357 00:18:01,826 --> 00:18:03,879 Well, I don't know about you guys, 358 00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,997 but I think a cheers is in order. 359 00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:09,834 To yet another fine mess. Good job! 360 00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:11,392 I'll drink to that. 361 00:18:13,394 --> 00:18:14,380 Well done. 362 00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:18,251 Let's go. 363 00:18:21,964 --> 00:18:23,408 To fine messes... 364 00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:25,223 and new daddies. 365 00:18:44,850 --> 00:18:46,059 What the fuck? 366 00:18:46,781 --> 00:18:49,874 - This is my daughter's bedroom! - I know. Chick's got great taste. 367 00:18:50,034 --> 00:18:53,203 Have you no sense of shame? Get the fuck out of here! 368 00:18:53,323 --> 00:18:56,255 You know better. Marcy... Jesus Christ, Charlie. 369 00:19:20,648 --> 00:19:22,558 Motherfucker left a floater. 370 00:19:24,393 --> 00:19:26,321 Game on, broheim. I get it. 371 00:19:26,962 --> 00:19:28,500 I read you, brother. 372 00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,083 I hear you talking to me. 373 00:19:42,752 --> 00:19:43,552 Hi. 374 00:19:44,541 --> 00:19:46,639 Hey, you know what? The fucking 375 00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:49,600 "artist within" left us a turd within our toilet. 376 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,560 Can you believe that shit? Literally? 377 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,090 It's like he's taking a dump on top of my head. 378 00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:57,221 I'm reading him loud and clear. it's a thing between him and me. 379 00:19:57,341 --> 00:19:59,666 And I think it involves you. Youinflamed him in some way. 380 00:19:59,786 --> 00:20:02,279 Now it's like "Jaws 3." It's personal. You want a bump? 381 00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:06,617 Are you ready to talk about it now? 382 00:20:07,396 --> 00:20:08,577 What was that? 383 00:20:12,964 --> 00:20:15,364 What's he on? The coke, I know. What else? 384 00:20:15,484 --> 00:20:18,254 Nothing. He did a few lines, had a few drinks, that's it. 385 00:20:18,414 --> 00:20:19,536 Get the pen. 386 00:20:20,021 --> 00:20:21,172 - The pen. - The pen. 387 00:20:23,449 --> 00:20:24,496 I got it. 388 00:20:24,616 --> 00:20:26,095 Get the pen! The pen! 389 00:20:29,174 --> 00:20:30,174 Fuck! 390 00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:32,712 My God! What... What... 391 00:20:44,674 --> 00:20:46,446 I hate when that happens. 392 00:20:51,054 --> 00:20:52,770 What the fuck was that? 393 00:20:53,243 --> 00:20:54,540 Food allergies. 394 00:20:54,958 --> 00:20:56,955 Bane of my fucking existence. 395 00:20:58,943 --> 00:21:00,546 Did you eat any of that sashimi? 396 00:21:01,669 --> 00:21:03,966 And then you shoved your tongue down my throat. 397 00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:05,734 There you go. 398 00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:09,096 Thanks, pal. You saved my life. 399 00:21:10,593 --> 00:21:12,433 Hey, what'd you do with that coke? 400 00:21:14,553 --> 00:21:16,353 You know you can always crash at my house. 401 00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:18,888 Thank you, but I don't think that'll be necessary. 402 00:21:19,008 --> 00:21:22,273 I don't know, man. I know chicks. This looks like some serious, 403 00:21:22,393 --> 00:21:24,779 extreme doghouse shit right here. 404 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,605 - Ready, darling? - Yep. 405 00:21:28,725 --> 00:21:31,037 - Where are you going? - They're giving me a ride. 406 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:34,672 - Maybe stop for a drink. - Works for me. The other room? 407 00:21:34,792 --> 00:21:36,159 - Great. - Okay. 408 00:21:37,607 --> 00:21:39,043 Good night, Mia. 409 00:21:39,551 --> 00:21:40,629 Good night. 410 00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:45,508 Come here. 411 00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,585 You be cool with her because she's... 412 00:21:47,705 --> 00:21:50,671 she doesn't seem like it, but she's kind of a fragile flower. 413 00:21:50,791 --> 00:21:52,639 All right? So play nice. 414 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,836 Look, I have many vices, my friend, 415 00:21:54,956 --> 00:21:57,235 but jailbait ain't one of 'em. 416 00:21:57,355 --> 00:22:00,131 Well, I mean, there was that one time in Salt Lake City, 417 00:22:00,251 --> 00:22:03,282 but that was like a Mormon mother/daughter thing. 418 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,297 Pretty fucking hot. 419 00:22:06,494 --> 00:22:09,867 I pull that out of the spank bank every once in a while. 420 00:22:09,987 --> 00:22:12,883 - Mind if I borrow it? - You know where I live. 421 00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,889 - Mr. Moody. - That sounds weird. 422 00:22:19,109 --> 00:22:21,752 Call me "he who will kill you if you touch his daughter." 423 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,087 Right. 424 00:22:23,774 --> 00:22:24,774 I get it. 425 00:22:25,142 --> 00:22:26,549 She's pretty awesome. 426 00:22:26,923 --> 00:22:29,135 She is. But thank you for saying that. 427 00:22:30,063 --> 00:22:31,755 Do you need a ride home or something? 428 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,769 No, I walked. I live close-by. 429 00:22:35,416 --> 00:22:37,084 - Fantastic. - Yeah. 430 00:22:37,204 --> 00:22:39,186 So I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other. 431 00:22:39,467 --> 00:22:40,629 Don't push it. 432 00:22:40,889 --> 00:22:42,237 Goodbye forever. 433 00:22:52,067 --> 00:22:55,077 I told you we should have called the whole thing off. 434 00:22:55,408 --> 00:22:57,858 Then we wouldn't have gotten the happy news. 435 00:22:57,978 --> 00:23:00,018 The man with the fresh vasectomy 436 00:23:00,282 --> 00:23:01,949 is about to be a daddy. 437 00:23:05,803 --> 00:23:07,590 - You caught me. - Yeah. 438 00:23:11,552 --> 00:23:14,023 At least you can see the comedy in all of this. 439 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:16,890 Oh, right. I either laugh or I cry, right? 440 00:23:17,403 --> 00:23:18,405 Or both. 441 00:23:19,644 --> 00:23:23,147 Maybe I'm PMS'ing, but I feel like I could use a good cry. 442 00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:27,639 I'm not... I'm not mad at you. 443 00:23:30,112 --> 00:23:32,424 How is that even remotely possible? 444 00:23:35,818 --> 00:23:39,434 'Cause this isn't about anything you did while we were apart. 445 00:23:40,064 --> 00:23:41,834 This is about what I did. 446 00:23:43,339 --> 00:23:45,476 - I made a huge mistake. - No. 447 00:23:45,984 --> 00:23:48,130 - Don't say that. You didn't. - I did. 448 00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:50,603 I jumped in the car with you that night. 449 00:23:50,723 --> 00:23:52,288 Then we came back here 450 00:23:52,707 --> 00:23:53,966 and we had sex. 451 00:23:54,707 --> 00:23:56,563 And then we just... we just 452 00:23:56,908 --> 00:23:59,170 tried to pick up where we left off. 453 00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:01,639 I mean, do you have any idea how... 454 00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:04,313 fucking dysfunctional that is? 455 00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:09,195 You know, silly me, 'cause I'm... 456 00:24:09,738 --> 00:24:12,947 I'm sitting here thinking that it's like a dream come true. 457 00:24:13,682 --> 00:24:15,714 It was. It was a dream. 458 00:24:16,357 --> 00:24:18,039 But we were crazy, Hank. 459 00:24:18,495 --> 00:24:21,022 Like thinking we could just wave a magic wand 460 00:24:21,142 --> 00:24:23,885 and everything would be as it was. I mean... 461 00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:25,459 If... 462 00:24:25,742 --> 00:24:26,785 It was... 463 00:24:27,233 --> 00:24:29,984 Ever as we think it was, if you know what I mean. 464 00:24:30,104 --> 00:24:31,648 Right. Because we... 465 00:24:32,594 --> 00:24:34,534 we just imagined everything. 466 00:24:36,097 --> 00:24:38,165 We can't do this to her anymore. 467 00:24:38,855 --> 00:24:41,274 You know, we've been reckless with her heart. 468 00:24:41,394 --> 00:24:43,080 - Or I have. - No, no. 469 00:24:43,553 --> 00:24:45,487 It's my fault. I should've gone away, 470 00:24:45,607 --> 00:24:47,564 - gotten my sh... - You're a wonderful mother. 471 00:24:49,268 --> 00:24:50,268 Always. 472 00:24:53,397 --> 00:24:55,201 I will never, ever... 473 00:24:55,548 --> 00:24:59,000 Regret getting into the car with you that night, 'cause... 474 00:24:59,319 --> 00:25:00,858 It was so much fun. 475 00:25:01,956 --> 00:25:04,961 And marrying Bill was definitely not the answer. 476 00:25:08,239 --> 00:25:09,239 I don't... 477 00:25:10,127 --> 00:25:11,797 Know how to say this, but... 478 00:25:11,957 --> 00:25:12,957 Don't. 479 00:25:18,155 --> 00:25:20,064 ... neither is marrying you. 480 00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:28,072 - This isn't the answer either, - No. 481 00:25:28,192 --> 00:25:29,194 you know? 482 00:25:34,891 --> 00:25:37,139 Angel, I love you so, so much. 483 00:25:42,024 --> 00:25:43,233 I can't stay. 484 00:25:44,903 --> 00:25:46,549 I'm not asking you to. 485 00:25:53,202 --> 00:25:54,214 I can't stay. 486 00:26:13,434 --> 00:26:16,744 - I'm gonna go out for a little while. - It's okay, dad. 487 00:26:16,864 --> 00:26:18,322 You tried your best. 488 00:26:21,851 --> 00:26:23,795 It was nice while it lasted.