1
00:00:01,510 --> 00:00:03,725
- That's it! Big, top the van!
- What?

2
00:00:03,850 --> 00:00:05,684
Ovitz!
Hit the bricks!

3
00:00:05,919 --> 00:00:08,517
- See you at the Oscars, pal.
- I've been busting my nuts for weeks

4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,722
just trying to get a meeting
with Ronny Praeger.

5
00:00:10,891 --> 00:00:13,976
- You got Daisy the part!
- I had to invest 100K $ in his movie.

6
00:00:14,136 --> 00:00:16,268
You don't know me. My name
is Hank Moody. I'm a writer.

7
00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:18,513
I want to ask you a question
about Lew Ashby.

8
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:21,275
Call me "he who will kill you
if you touch his daughter."

9
00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:23,235
- She's pretty awesome.
- She is.

10
00:00:25,063 --> 00:00:27,448
That thirsty little nose of
yours is costing us some money.

11
00:00:27,609 --> 00:00:30,943
You just put the bulk of our nest egg
into a movie called <i>Vaginatown</i>.

12
00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:33,580
- What's wrong with Clittes?
- Coke dick.

13
00:00:33,705 --> 00:00:36,123
- We're gonna need a stunt cock.
- You will get in there

14
00:00:36,248 --> 00:00:37,833
and drive Miss Daisy.

15
00:00:39,991 --> 00:00:41,267
Did we get that?

16
00:00:41,392 --> 00:00:44,339
Look, I have many vices, my friend,
but jailbait ain't one of them.

17
00:00:46,790 --> 00:00:48,050
Excuse me, gents.

18
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,559
All right, repeat after me.

19
00:00:58,729 --> 00:00:59,685
I will never...

20
00:01:00,164 --> 00:01:01,979
- "I will never..."
- ... ever...

21
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:04,231
- "... ever..."
- ... fuck Mia again.

22
00:01:05,714 --> 00:01:06,984
"... fuck Mia again."

23
00:01:07,497 --> 00:01:08,528
Thank you.

24
00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:10,321
Jesus. Just saying it gets me wet.

25
00:01:12,149 --> 00:01:12,949
Fuck you.

26
00:01:13,119 --> 00:01:15,284
Find somebody else
to pen your sordid, fucking tale.

27
00:01:15,454 --> 00:01:17,484
Don't leave.
We got a good thing going here.

28
00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:19,786
It's been a long time
since I had me a...

29
00:01:20,107 --> 00:01:22,041
- friend.
- Aw, shucks. I'm almost touched.

30
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:25,920
But you can't expect me to indulge
your every fucking depraved whim!

31
00:01:26,688 --> 00:01:29,924
Jesus Christ. I just realized
what it must be like to live with me.

32
00:01:30,094 --> 00:01:33,678
I really didn't think you were gonna be
such a ninny about the whole thing.

33
00:01:33,848 --> 00:01:34,909
A "ninny"?

34
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,514
Because I've had my share
of the tang?

35
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,976
Because I have my own
sordid past to contend with?

36
00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:42,353
No. Because she told me
that you guys fucked.

37
00:01:45,977 --> 00:01:48,676
- Be that as it may...
- Repeat after me...

39
00:02:37,451 --> 00:02:41,161
- You got to get me out of this shit.
- I can't get you out of anything.

40
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,557
- You signed a fucking contract.
- Since when has that ever mattered?

41
00:02:44,682 --> 00:02:48,139
Look, it's either this or you do
the adaptation of <i>Fucking & Punching</i>.

42
00:02:48,264 --> 00:02:51,827
I'm sorry. I take that back.
I don't think I can get you that job.

43
00:02:51,952 --> 00:02:55,450
The guy's gone kurtz.
He needs a doctor, not a biographer.

44
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,583
No one said you had to move in
with the guy.

45
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,811
You never do anything halfway,
do you?

46
00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:02,409
Says the man holding
the plastic ass-gina.

47
00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:04,764
What the fuck
are we doing here, anyway?

48
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,062
I'm edumacating myself as to
the various marketing opportunities

49
00:03:09,187 --> 00:03:11,337
available to the young porn starlet.

50
00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:14,320
Holy shit. You really
like this girl, huh?

51
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:16,804
Yeah.
Of course I like her.

52
00:03:17,105 --> 00:03:19,259
I like her in the kind, paternal way

53
00:03:19,384 --> 00:03:21,702
any agent likes someone
whose career is in his hands.

54
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:24,027
How about in the kind,
paternal way in which a boy

55
00:03:24,152 --> 00:03:26,201
sometimes likes to stick
his pee-pee inside a girl?

56
00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:28,044
You like her that way, too?

57
00:03:29,311 --> 00:03:31,244
I kind of did that already.

58
00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:32,558
What?

59
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:34,847
Nigga, please!

60
00:03:34,972 --> 00:03:36,915
I had to step in and stunt-cock.

61
00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:38,678
- That's all.
- "Stunt-cock"?

62
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:41,573
- Long story. You had to be there.
- Stunt-cock.

63
00:03:42,445 --> 00:03:43,953
Holy shit, Johnny Wad.

64
00:03:44,078 --> 00:03:48,076
How we gonna keep you down on the farm
now that you've penetrated a porn star?

65
00:03:48,332 --> 00:03:49,767
Just the tip, then I popped.

66
00:03:49,892 --> 00:03:52,492
Naturally. Here's the deal.
This is what we've got to do.

67
00:03:52,617 --> 00:03:55,736
You got to go home and grab
cokey smurf, meet me at LAX.

68
00:03:55,906 --> 00:03:58,146
We got to get
the hell out of town, palomino.

69
00:03:58,575 --> 00:04:02,451
I mean, we are down the rabbit hole, and
I'm afraid we ain't never coming back.

70
00:04:21,649 --> 00:04:23,690
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

71
00:04:23,979 --> 00:04:26,258
- Jesus Christ, lady!
- You just came out of nowhere.

72
00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,601
You could've killed me.
I'm gonna have to get your name

73
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,729
for insurance purposes and whatnot.

74
00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:35,427
My God. You're that asshole.
Why am I not surprised?

75
00:04:35,552 --> 00:04:38,891
it saddens me to think that when
you have an internal dialog about me,

76
00:04:39,016 --> 00:04:41,423
I'm "that asshole" and not
"that handsome stranger"

77
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:44,649
or "that guy who made a mess
of my bush... Hank Moody."

78
00:04:45,005 --> 00:04:47,319
It's nice to see you again, Mrs...?

79
00:04:47,539 --> 00:04:48,666
Jones.

80
00:04:48,791 --> 00:04:49,748
Jones?

81
00:04:50,113 --> 00:04:53,294
Really? After all this intrigue,
that's kind of a letdown.

82
00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:55,963
Janie Jones.

83
00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:58,090
Like the Clash song.
That's fantastic.

84
00:04:58,469 --> 00:05:00,847
I'm half-chubbed.
We forget this whole

85
00:05:00,972 --> 00:05:03,304
"vehicular manslaughter" thing
and I buy you a drink?

86
00:05:04,008 --> 00:05:05,389
I don't think so.

87
00:05:05,559 --> 00:05:07,927
I really thought
that the threat of legal action

88
00:05:08,052 --> 00:05:10,212
was gonna do it,
but I'm gonna have to employ

89
00:05:10,337 --> 00:05:12,620
my considerable powers of seduction.

90
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,436
You ready?

91
00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:21,136
I got nothing. That's it. I'm out.

92
00:05:21,658 --> 00:05:24,062
No, tomorrow night,
in Venice, Marat.

93
00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:27,129
I'll be the one staring into
the bottomless pit of despair.

94
00:05:27,254 --> 00:05:29,526
Get there early before I wet myself.

95
00:05:31,042 --> 00:05:32,384
Nailed it!

96
00:05:33,304 --> 00:05:35,237
That's right... I still got it.

97
00:05:36,685 --> 00:05:39,840
I shouldn't be telling you guys this,
but Becca is my absolute favorite.

98
00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:40,988
Thank god!

99
00:05:41,113 --> 00:05:44,345
I thought you were gonna come down on
her for being a Satanist or something.

100
00:05:44,515 --> 00:05:48,352
Oh, please. I think it's safe to say
that whole thing's just a phase,

101
00:05:48,477 --> 00:05:51,810
it probably has to do with whatever
might be going on between you two.

102
00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:57,650
I'm sorry. She made reference
to some changes at home.

103
00:05:58,556 --> 00:06:01,040
Well, um, long story short, um,

104
00:06:01,891 --> 00:06:04,448
we were together,
and now we're apart.

105
00:06:04,618 --> 00:06:05,479
Again.

106
00:06:05,604 --> 00:06:07,451
- So, you're divorced?
- Not exactly.

107
00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:10,937
It's okay. I'm not judging.
You know, I'm divorced.

108
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,013
- Pretty recently.
- I'm sorry.

109
00:06:13,138 --> 00:06:14,667
- Right on!
- Hank.

110
00:06:15,132 --> 00:06:17,647
Um, we were never married,
so the divorce thing is...

111
00:06:17,772 --> 00:06:20,761
- No, but I did ask. A number of times.
- Okay, not the time or the place, Hank.

112
00:06:20,886 --> 00:06:23,645
I gave her a ring. She gave it back.
I gave it to a homeless woman.

113
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:25,177
I'm sorry. That's so sad.

114
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,647
It worked out
for the homeless woman.

115
00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:31,621
None of that really matters right now.
What matters is that,

116
00:06:31,746 --> 00:06:34,387
we're together
when it comes to raising Becca.

117
00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:38,067
Well, yes, but not always. I want
Becca to be a lesbian when she grows up,

118
00:06:38,192 --> 00:06:40,081
and Karen just wants her
to be happy.

119
00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:42,705
That's ridiculous.
Like, you can't be both?

120
00:06:43,927 --> 00:06:45,159
A happy lesbian?

121
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:47,493
Classy.

122
00:06:48,024 --> 00:06:49,952
I know.
With all the money that we spend,

123
00:06:50,122 --> 00:06:51,912
they could afford
some proper glassware.

124
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,459
Hey, have you seen Mia lately?

125
00:06:58,153 --> 00:06:59,670
No. Why?
No more than usual.

126
00:07:00,007 --> 00:07:01,880
- What does that mean?
- What does it mean?

127
00:07:02,226 --> 00:07:04,675
I don't know.
What do you mean?

128
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:06,950
No, it's just
I keep stopping by Bill's

129
00:07:07,075 --> 00:07:08,925
to check on her,
and she's never home.

130
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:12,927
So, I know she likes to hang out at
Ashby's den of iniquity, and so do you.

131
00:07:13,052 --> 00:07:14,994
- I have. I have seen her there.
- Right.

132
00:07:15,119 --> 00:07:17,438
Yeah. You know,
once in a while, not often.

133
00:07:17,608 --> 00:07:19,300
Does she have a boyfriend?

134
00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:21,980
I don't know. What is this,
"Sex and the City", girlfriend?

135
00:07:22,105 --> 00:07:23,622
What's with all the questions?

136
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,720
It's just,
last time she came for dinner,

137
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:29,328
she was asking me all these questions
about dating an older man,

138
00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:32,202
and it was like she was kind of
asking my approval.

139
00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:34,538
Well, I hope you
shut that shit down immediately.

140
00:07:34,811 --> 00:07:36,850
No.
I mean, why would I?

141
00:07:36,975 --> 00:07:40,085
You know, it's a perfectly valid
life experience if it's the right guy.

142
00:07:40,255 --> 00:07:43,150
- Why would you say something like that?
- Why not?

143
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,634
- I dated one of my professors once.
- That's foul.

144
00:07:47,804 --> 00:07:49,845
He was younger
than you are now, actually.

145
00:07:50,015 --> 00:07:51,388
I'm nauseous, actually.

146
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:54,266
The sex was fantastic, actually.

147
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,279
Now you're just trying
to get my goat.

148
00:07:56,404 --> 00:07:57,895
- Am I getting it?
- Yes!

149
00:07:58,065 --> 00:08:00,814
Now, you'll be the only one to blame
if this thing gets out of hand.

150
00:08:01,074 --> 00:08:03,186
- What thing?
- This gross "older man" thing.

151
00:08:03,311 --> 00:08:05,444
No. Well, I want you
to keep an eye out.

152
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:09,381
I mean, make sure that she
doesn't go anywhere near Ashby.

153
00:08:09,506 --> 00:08:11,367
That guy is such a fucking scumbag.

154
00:08:11,816 --> 00:08:13,369
Well, he means well, you know?

155
00:08:13,591 --> 00:08:15,454
That sounds familiar.

156
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,610
- I got to go... "Phyllis."
- Goodbye.

157
00:08:18,735 --> 00:08:20,940
You're a dick, you know.
Okay, okay.

158
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,975
- Your hair smells good.
- Good.

159
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,223
It smells like lady hair.

160
00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:35,533
Hey.

161
00:08:36,656 --> 00:08:38,644
Hey yourself, Mrs. P.

162
00:08:39,379 --> 00:08:41,481
I just wanted you to know
I love your writing.

163
00:08:42,642 --> 00:08:45,442
Quite possibly my four favorite words
in the English language.

164
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,236
Hits all the pleasure centers.

165
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:49,613
Positively rhapsodic.

166
00:08:49,991 --> 00:08:52,596
I didn't think it was appropriate
to say it in front of your...

167
00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:54,412
your ex-wife, lover, or whatever.

168
00:08:54,537 --> 00:08:56,495
I wish you had.
That would've pissed her off.

169
00:08:56,665 --> 00:08:58,997
- You like pissing her off, don't you?
- I do.

170
00:08:59,653 --> 00:09:01,374
I like pissing off my ex, too.

171
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,109
Cool.
Is he watching?

172
00:09:04,174 --> 00:09:05,505
Yeah, from the window.

173
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:08,430
Well, I'll make sure
to use my good cock.

174
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:11,244
Just so you know, I'm on my period.

175
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,842
Not sure I needed a verbal on that, for
I care very little about such things.

176
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:16,447
I was in Nam.

177
00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:19,407
God. My ex always cared.
He thought it was dirty.

178
00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:21,788
Oh, it is dirty...
In a good way.

179
00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:26,167
I haven't had time to trim the hedges
lately, if you know what I'm saying.

180
00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:28,421
I do know what you're saying,
and, again, no worries.

181
00:09:28,546 --> 00:09:30,710
I enjoy a generous thicket.

182
00:09:32,312 --> 00:09:33,690
I got to tell you,

183
00:09:34,137 --> 00:09:35,981
your feelings about periods

184
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,559
and pubic hair
have just made me a bigger fan.

185
00:09:38,684 --> 00:09:41,400
It's what I do.
Anything else you care to disclose?

186
00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:43,923
I'm very excited
about fucking you right now.

187
00:09:44,048 --> 00:09:46,210
You are a chatty one,
Mrs. Patterson.

188
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:49,991
Baby.

189
00:09:50,684 --> 00:09:51,592
Baby!

190
00:09:51,762 --> 00:09:53,263
Look who I found.

191
00:09:56,558 --> 00:09:58,432
What happened?
What's wrong?

192
00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:01,935
She was sleeping outside
in her fucking car!

193
00:10:02,105 --> 00:10:04,646
I didn't want to bother you.
I just didn't know where to go.

194
00:10:04,816 --> 00:10:07,357
My fucking manager showed up
at my apartment and...

195
00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:08,920
You have a manager?

196
00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:12,446
You remember the guy
who was shooting the "slam van" stuff?

197
00:10:12,616 --> 00:10:15,616
That smelly, sleazy fuck?
That's your manager?

198
00:10:16,886 --> 00:10:19,912
You're my manager.
He's just a fucking scumbag.

199
00:10:21,681 --> 00:10:23,665
And you didn't think
it was worth mentioning?

200
00:10:23,835 --> 00:10:26,394
I was just scared you wouldn't
want to work with me.

201
00:10:26,712 --> 00:10:29,171
And then everything
just happened so fast.

202
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,548
- I'm really sorry.
- What does he want?

203
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,301
Money. He wants to be
bought out of his contract.

204
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:36,937
That's ridiculous.
Clients get poached all the time.

205
00:10:37,062 --> 00:10:39,598
I put you in <i>Vaginatown</i>,
I get the commission.

206
00:10:39,768 --> 00:10:42,684
- That's exactly what I told him.
- And what did he say?

207
00:10:42,854 --> 00:10:45,085
He trashed my apartment
and ate all my food.

208
00:10:45,563 --> 00:10:47,066
I'm just gonna crash in my car.

209
00:10:47,191 --> 00:10:49,188
I just really don't want
to put you guys out.

210
00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:50,526
Don't be silly.

211
00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:52,620
We'll make up the guest room.

212
00:10:52,997 --> 00:10:54,613
Just get into bed, baby.

213
00:10:54,783 --> 00:10:56,740
Mommy and daddy will keep you safe.

214
00:10:57,786 --> 00:10:58,786
What?!

215
00:10:59,004 --> 00:11:01,703
She's scared shitless.
Come on, Dais.

216
00:11:01,873 --> 00:11:05,040
I'm too tired to freshen up
the fucking guest room.

217
00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,875
Mama needs her sleep.

218
00:11:23,626 --> 00:11:24,626
God.

219
00:11:25,546 --> 00:11:27,187
That was exactly what I needed.

220
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,929
Good for you, lady.
Happy to protect and serve.

221
00:11:30,882 --> 00:11:31,882
What?

222
00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:33,777
I think I'm gonna cry.

223
00:11:34,344 --> 00:11:35,320
Oh, dear.

224
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:36,527
Don't do that.

225
00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:41,201
It's not a bad thing. It's...

226
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,164
Coming makes me cry.

227
00:11:43,289 --> 00:11:45,205
- I mean, on occasion.
- I get that.

228
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:48,500
I mean, sometimes, after I come,
I want to... weep,

229
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:50,002
you know?

230
00:11:50,172 --> 00:11:51,650
But, usually, I just nap.

231
00:11:52,444 --> 00:11:53,455
You know?

232
00:11:55,288 --> 00:11:57,371
You want me to hug you or...

233
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,088
Comfort you in some...

234
00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:01,513
fashion?

235
00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:04,689
That's nice of you to offer,
but it's...

236
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:06,522
it's not necessary.

237
00:12:11,449 --> 00:12:13,253
Where's the shitter in this joint?

238
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,652
Down the stairs, to the right.

239
00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:29,666
Damien?

240
00:12:30,776 --> 00:12:31,788
Mr. Moody?

241
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,841
You fucked my mom.

242
00:12:38,789 --> 00:12:40,427
I fucked your mom?

243
00:12:42,113 --> 00:12:43,717
I fucked your mom.

244
00:12:47,957 --> 00:12:49,019
Did you hurt her?

245
00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:09,623
No!
You didn't!

246
00:13:11,613 --> 00:13:13,752
- I can explain.
- Oh, no, you can't.

247
00:13:13,922 --> 00:13:16,463
It's not what it looks like.
She wouldn't listen to reason.

248
00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,724
I didn't see you put up
much of a fight there, lover.

249
00:13:18,849 --> 00:13:21,843
You guys have got to stop this!
This is sick and wrong!

250
00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:24,000
Sure.
It's sick and wrong

251
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,640
when he does it, but it's perfectly
fine for you to fuck me.

252
00:13:26,810 --> 00:13:28,517
Stop saying that.
It's not okay.

253
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,929
- That's why we never did it again.
- Never say "never," Hankie.

254
00:13:32,054 --> 00:13:33,689
OK. I promise
I'll never do it again.

255
00:13:33,859 --> 00:13:35,941
You've already done it again
like three times!

256
00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:37,952
Far more than that.

257
00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:41,152
You want Karen to find out
about this, young lady?

258
00:13:41,277 --> 00:13:42,603
I don't know, Hank.

259
00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:44,600
Do you want Karen
to find out about this?

260
00:13:44,725 --> 00:13:47,376
Because finding out about this
could mean finding out about us,

261
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:50,411
which could very well mean
the death of hope, Hank.

262
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:15,363
What the fuck is this?

263
00:14:15,872 --> 00:14:18,163
Kurt fucking Cobain...

264
00:14:19,535 --> 00:14:20,540
played that.

265
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:23,189
Courtney gave it to me.
I helped her produce a demo,

266
00:14:23,314 --> 00:14:24,563
write some songs.

267
00:14:25,176 --> 00:14:26,032
It's yours.

268
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:29,077
You're giving me Kurt Cobain's
guitar because you fucked Mia?

269
00:14:29,247 --> 00:14:32,101
No. I'm giving you
Kurt Cobain's guitar because...

270
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:37,461
You're my only friend, and I...
Wait, no.

271
00:14:38,725 --> 00:14:40,093
Take... care of it.

272
00:14:40,218 --> 00:14:42,609
I mean, you... you can
put Becca through college

273
00:14:43,487 --> 00:14:44,989
with that fucking thing.

274
00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,060
Okay.

275
00:14:49,851 --> 00:14:50,931
You hungry?

276
00:14:52,274 --> 00:14:55,103
You like crepes?
I got a new pan I want to try out.

277
00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:58,217
That's what I'm gonna do...
I'm gonna make us some crepes.

278
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,871
Becca, it's not
half as crazy as it sounds.

279
00:15:05,162 --> 00:15:06,948
- Fuck you!
- Okay.

280
00:15:07,118 --> 00:15:08,897
But I think that your language

281
00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:10,794
is perhaps a tad inappropriate.

282
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:12,913
Oh, it's fucking appropriate,
all right.

283
00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:15,267
Karen, will you cut me
some slack here?

284
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:18,960
Do you see me fronting in any way?
I've admitted that I'm wrong, you know.

285
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:22,172
Still, I don't think that...
You don't talk to your old man that way.

286
00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:25,550
Oh, well, you do if he fucked
your boyfriend's mother.

287
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,929
I didn't know, okay? And I don't like
all this "boyfriend" talk.

288
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:30,509
Of course you didn't know.

289
00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:33,433
How could you ever be expected
to know such a thing?

290
00:15:33,603 --> 00:15:35,851
Yeah, you know what?
You know, if you look at this...

291
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,602
thing in a certain light,

292
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:40,247
the whole mess can be viewed

293
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,568
as almost entirely your fault.

294
00:15:44,930 --> 00:15:45,737
Come on.

295
00:15:45,907 --> 00:15:48,182
You didn't tell me about
the boy until the dinner party.

296
00:15:48,307 --> 00:15:50,336
How was I supposed to know
who his mother was?

297
00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:53,695
Oh, well, if you were not
so preoccupied

298
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:57,108
with sticking your dick
in any hole that will have you,

299
00:15:57,355 --> 00:15:58,834
you might notice these things.

300
00:15:59,004 --> 00:16:02,087
But you kicked my dick out of the house.
You made my dick homeless.

301
00:16:02,257 --> 00:16:05,847
And out of doors is a place
where penises don't generally fare well

302
00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:09,386
- in the rain and the wind and all that.
- Hank, shut up?

303
00:16:09,556 --> 00:16:11,780
My homeless dick
now must seek shelter

304
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,514
from the storm
where and whence it can.

305
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:17,769
Did she say to you, "oh, Hank,
I love your writing"?

306
00:16:18,057 --> 00:16:20,262
You see that? This is why
we should be together.

307
00:16:20,387 --> 00:16:23,112
- You know my shit. It's perfect.
- It's why we shouldn't be together.

308
00:16:23,244 --> 00:16:26,403
She needed a good cry. She was lonely.
What's the harm?

309
00:16:26,782 --> 00:16:28,028
The harm?

310
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,828
Oh, well, the harm
is right there, okay?

311
00:16:30,953 --> 00:16:32,972
That is the harm... Big harm.

312
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,829
And the worst part is
she was defending you.

313
00:16:36,888 --> 00:16:40,093
- What do you mean?
- He didn't break it off with her.

314
00:16:40,218 --> 00:16:42,864
He just said that you were a dick
for sleeping with his mother.

315
00:16:42,989 --> 00:16:45,975
- That's legitimate.
- But that did not sit well with her

316
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:48,341
because no one talks shit

317
00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:50,041
about her beloved father.

318
00:16:50,279 --> 00:16:51,845
So she broke it off with him.

319
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,204
Fuck.

320
00:17:04,993 --> 00:17:06,674
Don't you dare touch me.

321
00:17:11,037 --> 00:17:12,962
Kurt Cobain played this guitar.

322
00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:17,139
If you treat it right, you'll never
have to work another day in your life.

323
00:17:17,957 --> 00:17:20,175
You can't buy your way
out of this one.

324
00:17:21,094 --> 00:17:22,409
Damien was right...

325
00:17:23,028 --> 00:17:24,210
You are a dick.

326
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,449
Hey, Mrs. Patterson.
Is Damien home?

327
00:17:36,574 --> 00:17:39,893
He's... not here. He's at band practice.
Do you want to come in?

328
00:17:40,311 --> 00:17:43,104
I don't think that would be
such a great idea.

329
00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:45,324
Don't let him scare you.
He's a good kid.

330
00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:48,366
- He's very protective of his mother.
- That's a good thing.

331
00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,783
I mean, we can't let our kids

332
00:17:51,908 --> 00:17:55,450
ruin a perfectly excellent
sexual chemistry, can we?

333
00:17:55,962 --> 00:17:59,005
Jesus. When you put it that way,
it sounds pretty fucking reasonable.

334
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,403
Can you write that down
for me for later

335
00:18:01,528 --> 00:18:03,667
- in case I need to use it?
- Old man, I will go

336
00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:05,794
fucking medieval on your ass!

337
00:18:05,964 --> 00:18:09,327
Settle down, townshend.
I came here to talk to you, <i>mano a mano</i>.

338
00:18:11,511 --> 00:18:13,802
- Come on.
- Settle down, buddy. What is it?

339
00:18:14,232 --> 00:18:15,553
What can I do for you?

340
00:18:15,723 --> 00:18:17,434
Let's figure this out.
Come on.

341
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,846
Okay. Here we go.

342
00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:22,468
Come on, man.

343
00:18:22,891 --> 00:18:25,905
- What can I do for you?
- Nothing. There's nothing you can do.

344
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:30,443
- You're dead to me, and Becca is too.
- That's a shame. That's a crying shame

345
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:33,471
because she appears to be
very fond of you.

346
00:18:35,546 --> 00:18:36,551
Really?

347
00:18:37,526 --> 00:18:38,702
What'd she say?

348
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:42,706
Nothing that I could ever
repeat without vomiting.

349
00:18:43,427 --> 00:18:45,370
Now, come on.
What can we do?

350
00:18:45,495 --> 00:18:46,710
Let's figure this out.

351
00:18:47,445 --> 00:18:49,295
Okay. First of all, repeat after me.

352
00:18:52,819 --> 00:18:53,955
"I will never...

353
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:55,847
"I will never...

354
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,470
- "... ever...
- "... ever...

355
00:18:58,383 --> 00:18:59,510
"... ever...

356
00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:01,124
"... ever...

357
00:19:02,748 --> 00:19:04,394
"... fuck my mom again."

358
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,158
"... fuck my mom again."

359
00:19:06,505 --> 00:19:07,814
Fuck your mom again.

360
00:19:07,984 --> 00:19:10,054
Boys,
we don't have to be so quick to...

361
00:19:10,924 --> 00:19:12,527
Fine.
Whatever you want.

362
00:19:15,849 --> 00:19:17,445
We good?
Anything else?

363
00:19:19,628 --> 00:19:21,202
What's up with the guitar?

364
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,152
Ladies, I am home!

365
00:19:26,794 --> 00:19:28,664
Here's Mr. Big fucking
Hollywood agent.

366
00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,546
Steal any fucking clients
on the way here, you bald motherfucker?

367
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:33,214
Is everybody okay here?

368
00:19:33,424 --> 00:19:36,092
Yeah. I think it's called
a "pimp go get."

369
00:19:37,028 --> 00:19:38,638
You come to my house,

370
00:19:39,307 --> 00:19:41,415
you push around a couple of girls.

371
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:44,392
You could have called, texted,
we work this out ourselves.

372
00:19:44,562 --> 00:19:46,053
You poached my girl.

373
00:19:46,481 --> 00:19:48,188
That skank, she belongs to me.

374
00:19:49,651 --> 00:19:52,289
Sweetheart, put those fingers away.
Who knows where they've been?

375
00:19:52,414 --> 00:19:54,611
Wait a sec, I fucking do.
They've been in my ass.

376
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:57,614
- That was one time.
- Yeah. One good time. Hey, jerk-off,

377
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,741
you know what a fucking contract is?

378
00:20:05,899 --> 00:20:08,958
- This is not a very good deal, Daisy.
- You think?

379
00:20:09,128 --> 00:20:12,003
Bad news, you're connected to
Gilbert Gottfried here for life.

380
00:20:12,676 --> 00:20:15,868
Good news, this will never
hold up in court, asshole.

381
00:20:15,993 --> 00:20:17,887
Maybe not, Perry mason,
but guess what?

382
00:20:18,012 --> 00:20:20,278
A lot of not-nice shit
can happen during that time.

383
00:20:20,403 --> 00:20:22,138
You wanna fucking take that chance?

384
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,808
Motherless cunt bastard!

385
00:20:24,978 --> 00:20:26,309
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!

386
00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:29,938
Okay. You know, ,
that wasn't very nice at all.

387
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:32,440
That's my soy milk,
and I have serious dairy issues.

388
00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:35,110
- I bet you do.
- I want you out of my house.

389
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,319
Now. And, you,

390
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,571
please put my wife down.

391
00:20:38,741 --> 00:20:40,667
I got no problem with that,
but Daisy,

392
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,660
she's coming with me. Sweetheart,
Come on, honey. We've got a past.

393
00:20:44,323 --> 00:20:46,622
You know that whole speculum series
we wanted to do?

394
00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:49,457
I think the time is right. Come on,
let's make some porn!

395
00:20:50,664 --> 00:20:54,170
- How much you want for her?
- She's not a fucking slave, Charlie!

396
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,950
You know what, pal?
I believe in this girl!

397
00:20:57,075 --> 00:20:59,727
Yeah. She is gonna be a huge star
one day.

398
00:20:59,852 --> 00:21:01,636
<i>Vaginatown</i> is just the beginning.

399
00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:03,805
There will be much ruing
of this day.

400
00:21:03,975 --> 00:21:06,766
Ruing, right. Big fucking star.
Jenna fucking Jameson.

401
00:21:06,936 --> 00:21:09,854
Wait a second.
There's fucking Chinese! Big! Nice!

402
00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:13,181
Okay, look. It's all gonna be okay.
Everything's cool.

403
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,859
I'm gonna give him some money
from the emergency fund.

404
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,783
- No, no, baby.
- Baby, you said it yourself,

405
00:21:18,908 --> 00:21:20,336
She's family, okay?

406
00:21:20,461 --> 00:21:23,199
And that's what the money's for,
emergencies.

407
00:21:23,369 --> 00:21:25,952
- I can't let you do this.
- What's the alternative?

408
00:21:26,122 --> 00:21:27,508
If you go back with him, 

409
00:21:27,633 --> 00:21:30,443
you'll be starring in your own line
of gynecological training films.

410
00:21:30,568 --> 00:21:32,876
- Not on my watch.
- Okay. Baby. Baby!

411
00:21:33,046 --> 00:21:36,352
- Maybe you should write him a check.
- I will give him what...

412
00:21:41,261 --> 00:21:42,261
All of it?

413
00:21:43,434 --> 00:21:44,974
You spent all of it?

414
00:21:46,425 --> 00:21:48,377
That was my mad money, baby.

415
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,688
Pleasure doing business
with you, captain jackass!

416
00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:03,823
I love that car.

417
00:22:09,187 --> 00:22:10,569
I'm sorry, daddy.

418
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:13,666
I don't know what happened to me.

419
00:22:13,836 --> 00:22:15,856
You're going to your mother's.

420
00:22:16,523 --> 00:22:19,670
But going to my mother's
makes me want to do drugs!

421
00:22:20,257 --> 00:22:22,550
- A lot of 'em!
- I don't want to hear it.

422
00:22:23,246 --> 00:22:25,554
It's a good place
for you to chill out.

423
00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:31,743
Whatever you say, daddy.

424
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:34,771
I'll help you knock this monkey
off your back, baby.

425
00:22:36,441 --> 00:22:37,667
If you let me.

426
00:22:50,289 --> 00:22:51,770
Where are we going?

427
00:22:51,895 --> 00:22:53,965
Nowhere.
Just going for a walk.

428
00:22:54,863 --> 00:22:57,015
- No one walks in L.A.
- We do.

429
00:22:57,551 --> 00:22:59,304
Always have, always will.

430
00:22:59,603 --> 00:23:00,971
We're New Yorkers.

431
00:23:01,533 --> 00:23:03,071
There is no "always."

432
00:23:03,196 --> 00:23:04,861
There's just right now.

433
00:23:05,707 --> 00:23:08,414
You don't like me very much
right now, do you?

434
00:23:08,539 --> 00:23:10,224
No. I don't.

435
00:23:11,644 --> 00:23:13,625
You know,
I know I say this too much...

436
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,404
All the time, probably,

437
00:23:16,168 --> 00:23:18,303
but I was wrong to do what I did,

438
00:23:18,428 --> 00:23:19,816
and I was wrong to...

439
00:23:20,261 --> 00:23:22,418
be so glib about trying to fix it.

440
00:23:23,404 --> 00:23:25,514
There is no right or wrong, dad,

441
00:23:25,639 --> 00:23:28,150
just the consequences
of your actions.

442
00:23:28,717 --> 00:23:30,242
You taught me that.

443
00:23:30,913 --> 00:23:34,872

I guess I don't like the consequences
of my actions very much right now.

444
00:23:36,450 --> 00:23:37,505
Me neither.

445
00:23:40,798 --> 00:23:41,798
So...

446
00:23:42,786 --> 00:23:45,664
What is it that you like so much
about this boy?

447
00:23:45,789 --> 00:23:47,662
- I don't know.
- Come on.

448
00:23:48,309 --> 00:23:50,931
It's got to be something.
Use your words.

449
00:23:51,977 --> 00:23:53,360
He's really smart.

450
00:23:54,253 --> 00:23:55,518
Let's not go crazy.

451
00:23:56,774 --> 00:23:58,641
And he makes me feel pretty.

452
00:23:58,941 --> 00:24:01,735
Well, that you are.
You're very pretty. You're beautiful.

453
00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:03,603
Shut up. I'm not beautiful.

454
00:24:03,728 --> 00:24:05,292
Don't say that. Look.

455
00:24:05,791 --> 00:24:07,343
Don't ever say that. You are...

456
00:24:07,468 --> 00:24:09,991
beautiful. You're the most
beautiful thing in the world to me.

457
00:24:10,161 --> 00:24:11,743
Then treat me that way.

458
00:24:12,381 --> 00:24:14,537
I'm always on your side, dad,
always.

459
00:24:14,883 --> 00:24:17,533
Even when I shouldn't be.
But I'm sick of it.

460
00:24:17,658 --> 00:24:20,327
Get your shit together
before it's too late!

461
00:24:20,452 --> 00:24:23,844
I don't care if you and mom never say
another kind word to each other,

462
00:24:23,969 --> 00:24:26,395
but I'm sick and tired
of parenting you both.

463
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,877
I'm a fucking kid!

464
00:24:28,002 --> 00:24:30,430
I don't know what I'm doing
half the time.

465
00:24:30,555 --> 00:24:32,055
But I do know this:

466
00:24:32,225 --> 00:24:35,109
If you keep cracking jokes
and taking another drink

467
00:24:35,234 --> 00:24:38,321
and pretending that life
is one big, stupid party,

468
00:24:38,446 --> 00:24:40,245
you will miss everything.

469
00:24:57,461 --> 00:24:58,983
You have fun, okay?

470
00:25:01,819 --> 00:25:03,173
Not too much fun.

471
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:15,640
Hey, Damien.

472
00:25:17,161 --> 00:25:19,145
Can I take you down
to the guitar center

473
00:25:19,270 --> 00:25:21,229
and get you something cooler
than that one?

474
00:25:21,399 --> 00:25:24,172
No, man. This guitar is awesome.
It's like...

475
00:25:24,824 --> 00:25:26,776
Something Cobain would have played.

476
00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:29,140
Awesome.

477
00:25:32,637 --> 00:25:33,934
Have fun, honey.

478
00:25:37,143 --> 00:25:39,067
May I have another, please?

479
00:25:39,937 --> 00:25:41,306
I don't think so.

480
00:25:41,601 --> 00:25:43,084
Really?
Am I that sloshed?

481
00:25:43,254 --> 00:25:45,923
No. But if I'm gonna
take you home with me,

482
00:25:46,048 --> 00:25:48,506
I don't want you to be
at... half-mast.

483
00:25:50,989 --> 00:25:52,343
I'm so flattered.

484
00:25:52,513 --> 00:25:55,388
I just don't think I'd be
very good company for anybody tonight.

485
00:25:56,135 --> 00:25:57,932
Why not?
I've heard good things.

486
00:25:58,102 --> 00:26:00,097
No, I am very agreeable.

487
00:26:00,222 --> 00:26:02,990
And you are nothing
if not a beautiful barmaid.

488
00:26:03,115 --> 00:26:05,070
I've just got a little too much...

489
00:26:05,195 --> 00:26:08,051
of my daughter's voice
running around in my head right now

490
00:26:08,176 --> 00:26:10,669
to be good company for anybody.
That's not as creepy

491
00:26:10,794 --> 00:26:12,238
as it sounds, either.

492
00:26:12,530 --> 00:26:13,530
Honestly.

493
00:26:14,651 --> 00:26:15,651
So,

494
00:26:16,059 --> 00:26:19,409
tonight, I think you're just gonna
have to settle for...

495
00:26:20,349 --> 00:26:21,349
The tip!

496
00:26:21,667 --> 00:26:22,824
Just the tip!

497
00:26:23,197 --> 00:26:24,883
Get it? Got it? Good.

498
00:26:26,337 --> 00:26:27,759
Good night, Hank.

499
00:26:27,965 --> 00:26:29,954
Good night, beautiful barmaid.

500
00:26:34,786 --> 00:26:35,983
Am I too late?

501
00:26:36,325 --> 00:26:38,207
Did you already wet yourself?

502
00:26:39,154 --> 00:26:40,904
So, What are we drinking?