1 00:00:00,084 --> 00:00:02,134 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:03,670 My mama! 3 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,213 That thirsty little nose of yours is costing us some money. 4 00:00:06,383 --> 00:00:08,757 - I'm sorry, daddy. - You're going to your mother's. 5 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:12,470 Going to my mother's makes me want to do drugs! 6 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:13,720 What { he fuck }is this? 7 00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:16,515 {Just Giving you a little }Here's something to put in your book. We drove out here together. 8 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,712 I ended up producing. She ended up alone. 9 00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:21,728 You don't know me. {My name is }Hank Moody. I'm a writer. 10 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,064 I want to ask you a question about Lew Ashby. 11 00:00:24,234 --> 00:00:26,020 Did I say that you could talk to her? 12 00:00:26,145 --> 00:00:28,235 Jesus. You've got a bit of an overprotective vibe. 13 00:00:28,404 --> 00:00:31,655 Look, I have many vices, my friend, but jailbait ain't one of them. 14 00:00:34,005 --> 00:00:35,326 Excuse me, gents. 15 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:38,288 All right, repeat after me. I will never... 16 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,623 - "I will never..." - Fuck Mia again. 17 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,667 Oh, no! You didn't! 18 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,377 This is sick and wrong! 19 00:00:45,441 --> 00:00:50,426 { ad(300,900)}Subtitles: 20 00:00:59,536 --> 00:01:02,895 I'll make you a deal. You guys stop playing, and I'll accept Jesus... 21 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,713 As my personal savior. 22 00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:06,816 Who the fuck are you? 23 00:01:07,181 --> 00:01:09,678 My bad. You guys keep living the dream. 24 00:01:45,544 --> 00:01:47,685 For once, I believe you actually wrote something. 25 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,937 {And }I also believe{ that } you should honestly consider 26 00:01:50,062 --> 00:01:51,944 never writing anything ever again. 27 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:55,261 Thanks, but I'm not interested in the opinion of someone 28 00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:57,699 whose cultural significance went out with hammer pants. 29 00:01:58,119 --> 00:02:00,676 Don't knock hammer pants. They let a man move. 30 00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:03,871 What did you think, baby? 31 00:02:04,576 --> 00:02:05,582 I love it. 32 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,947 It's as though, Janis and Alanis had a baby. 33 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:12,632 Yeah, and they put it a dumpster to howl away its pathetic little existence. 34 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,961 I'm gonna be thinking about that all day. 35 00:02:18,086 --> 00:02:20,012 And you can think about this. 36 00:02:27,235 --> 00:02:29,935 And you, Hankie, can think about this! 37 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,375 Hey, Ashby. I just have one thing to say. 38 00:02:40,066 --> 00:02:43,605 I don't wanna break the girl's heart, but I can't take any more power ballads. 39 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,955 Suggestions? Please. 40 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:47,485 Extricate yourself immediately, if not sooner. 41 00:02:47,610 --> 00:02:49,560 But, Jesus, she fucks like she 42 00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:53,500 knows things, you know? Like she's been places, seen some shit. 43 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:56,425 Hey, wait! How did the interview with my old lady go? 44 00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:57,552 It went. 45 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,878 Yeah? What did... What did she say about me? 46 00:03:00,003 --> 00:03:03,010 She misses me, right? I-I mean, at least in the sack. 47 00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:05,393 Well, I'll know more when I see her again. 48 00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:07,811 Moody, I thought this thing was, over. 49 00:03:08,448 --> 00:03:11,385 I'm going over there right now after I douche my ears. 50 00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,234 Well, go then. Enjoy. 51 00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:14,668 You touch her, 52 00:03:15,419 --> 00:03:17,446 I will cut your cheeks with a straight razor. 53 00:04:12,054 --> 00:04:13,795 {1}That is bullshit. 54 00:04:13,964 --> 00:04:15,492 {1}He's just being dramatic. 55 00:04:15,617 --> 00:04:18,090 {1}I don't mean as much to him as he'd have you believe. 56 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:21,427 {1}I don't know, lady. To hear him tell it, you're the one that got away. 57 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,553 Ran away screaming is more like it. 58 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,517 {3}What was he like back then? 59 00:04:26,204 --> 00:04:29,191 {3}I guess probably the same as he is now... 60 00:04:30,216 --> 00:04:31,437 A lost boy. 61 00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:35,127 {3}Sweet, well-intentioned, loves the women... 62 00:04:35,294 --> 00:04:36,437 A little too much. 63 00:04:36,562 --> 00:04:39,528 What makes him so good, then? What do you think? 64 00:04:39,739 --> 00:04:43,407 {3}{You know what? }He listens. He hears things in a song that no one else can. 65 00:04:43,577 --> 00:04:46,702 - So, what was the last straw? - None of your business. 66 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:50,373 {3}Janie Jones, I do believe the man is still in love with you. 67 00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:52,721 {3}His sun rises and sets with you. 68 00:04:52,846 --> 00:04:56,457 {I think that }He would toss everything he's got just to get another shot with you. 69 00:04:56,582 --> 00:04:57,838 That's what I believe. 70 00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:03,845 {3}{You know what? }We were in the middle of living our happily-ever-after 71 00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:08,016 when I walked in on him one day writing a song with a Sheryl Crow wannabe. 72 00:05:09,055 --> 00:05:11,105 And I don't know. I just freaked out. 73 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,699 I mean, it was more intimate than fucking. 74 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,859 {And I know }He always said that he had to fall in love with everyone he worked with. 75 00:05:18,164 --> 00:05:20,644 He had to open himself up to the music. 76 00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:22,590 But I guess I just... 77 00:05:23,628 --> 00:05:25,372 Got sick of sharing him. 78 00:05:26,678 --> 00:05:29,328 So I bailed. Does that make me superficial? 79 00:05:32,908 --> 00:05:34,333 Just human. 80 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,545 Well, look at this. It looks like you got the happily-ever-after after all. 81 00:05:37,756 --> 00:05:40,716 - Damn straight. - Don't you want to talk to him? 82 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,133 Just out of curiosity. Don't you Miss him a little bit? 83 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,838 Oh, yeah. Sure. I Miss him. 84 00:05:44,963 --> 00:05:46,863 Like you'd miss a bad case of the crabs 85 00:05:46,988 --> 00:05:50,238 if you got them from Robert Plant or Jesus or someone. 86 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,936 This is a little-known fact about Jesus. He was well known for his V.D. 87 00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:57,191 He made the ladies itch all the way from Galilee to Nazareth. 88 00:05:57,485 --> 00:06:00,078 - You're just like him. - Jesus? 89 00:06:00,203 --> 00:06:02,487 - You know, I get that a lot. - You do? 90 00:06:02,656 --> 00:06:05,783 - Let's see if you can walk on water. - Save my words! 91 00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:12,418 - Oh, what are you, a child? - What are you, a grown-up? 92 00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:15,545 You ruined a perfectly good glass of scotch. 93 00:06:16,169 --> 00:06:17,961 Get back in here. The water's warm. 94 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,339 {And I believe }We should do a little synchronized swimming. 95 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,284 I think that's enough for one day. I have revealed 96 00:06:23,409 --> 00:06:26,887 way more than I thought I should. How did you do that? 97 00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:29,417 It's what I do. It's a gift. 98 00:06:29,795 --> 00:06:30,598 Janie! 99 00:06:31,544 --> 00:06:33,319 What is that? The balls and chain? 100 00:06:33,444 --> 00:06:36,457 - This does not look good. Come here. - Janie, where the fuck are you? 101 00:06:36,582 --> 00:06:38,982 - Come on. - Hold on, hold on. 102 00:06:42,017 --> 00:06:44,612 Just wait in here for a few minutes. I'll be back. 103 00:06:46,102 --> 00:06:49,326 I want you to take her directly to the airport, okay? 104 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,126 Whatever's on the meter when you get there, I will triple it 105 00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:55,334 if you see to it she makes it to the security line. 106 00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:59,037 Don't worry, daddy. I'll be a good girl. 107 00:07:00,265 --> 00:07:02,923 It's really hard for me to trust you right now, baby. 108 00:07:03,091 --> 00:07:04,146 I know. 109 00:07:04,271 --> 00:07:07,956 My dirty little whore of a nose is sorry that she let you down. 110 00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:11,973 But she loves you so much she's willing to go chill out at her mother's. 111 00:07:13,331 --> 00:07:16,060 I've never seen you go voluntarily to your mother's before. 112 00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:18,155 I want to fix this, Charlie. 113 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,806 And if it means shacking up with that troll, 114 00:07:20,931 --> 00:07:22,696 that's what I'm gonna do. 115 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,323 - Let's go. - Why? 116 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,004 - Come on. - What're you doing? 117 00:07:30,129 --> 00:07:32,994 - I should drive you. - No. You have your meeting. 118 00:07:33,164 --> 00:07:34,412 Well, we'll reschedule. 119 00:07:35,424 --> 00:07:36,660 Baby, I'm a big girl. 120 00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:39,769 You need to stay here and take care of you 121 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,170 and Daisy. 122 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,772 I promise we won't have any fun while you're gone. 123 00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:49,447 We'll be wishing we were at a retirement community in Tucson. 124 00:07:49,638 --> 00:07:52,393 Nothing like pinochle and menopause jokes. 125 00:07:52,744 --> 00:07:54,641 A blur of canes and walkers. 126 00:07:54,811 --> 00:07:57,728 But look for me. I'll be the one soliciting all the gray hairs: 127 00:07:57,897 --> 00:07:59,966 "I'll suck your dick, old man." 128 00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:02,007 Bye, baby. 129 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:10,095 Put down those shuffleboard sticks, 130 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,420 Marcy's coming to suck your dicks! 131 00:08:29,397 --> 00:08:31,547 It's your knight in shining armor. 132 00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:33,569 Your lord? Your pasha? 133 00:08:34,405 --> 00:08:36,934 What's mandarin for "dream lover"? "Mang-mang kin ren"? 134 00:08:37,104 --> 00:08:40,520 Probably the opposite of whatever the word for "mouth rapist" is. 135 00:08:42,373 --> 00:08:46,193 I'm not gonna be there to pick up Becca from school today, okay? 136 00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:47,483 I'll explain later. 137 00:08:47,608 --> 00:08:50,530 - I can't wait to hear it. - No, it's actually a very good one. 138 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,075 But right now, I've got to see a man about a horse, so... 139 00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:20,686 No banos. 140 00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,773 So I used the "sinkos." 141 00:09:34,426 --> 00:09:35,426 Hey, you. 142 00:09:37,665 --> 00:09:39,309 No father-type figure. 143 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,910 But knowing your father, he'll probably be here 144 00:09:43,035 --> 00:09:45,002 on Saturday or Sunday to pick you up. 145 00:09:45,171 --> 00:09:47,546 I don't want to hear anything bad about him. 146 00:09:51,177 --> 00:09:53,386 - It's Mia. - Don't bother. 147 00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:55,887 She's not driving. She's got other plans. 148 00:09:56,056 --> 00:09:59,295 Really? What? Like "older boyfriend" plans? 149 00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:01,268 Something like that. 150 00:10:11,138 --> 00:10:13,985 I don't do this nearly as much as you think. 151 00:10:15,024 --> 00:10:16,447 Makes me paranoid. 152 00:10:17,036 --> 00:10:18,036 Paranocio. 153 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,983 Plus the old lady, back when I had one, 154 00:10:23,108 --> 00:10:25,156 {she }didn't approve of me ingesting the substances. 155 00:10:25,281 --> 00:10:27,254 Not that she was above it herself. 156 00:10:27,522 --> 00:10:29,647 Where do you stand on the issue? 157 00:10:30,098 --> 00:10:33,425 Well, that wasn't exactly a response, but I'll take it. 158 00:10:34,986 --> 00:10:37,974 How does, Mrs. Jones seem to you? 159 00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:40,370 Is she a good jefa? 160 00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:43,063 Is she contento? 161 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,625 What's going on here? A language barrier? 162 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,274 Mi vieja es... 163 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:51,044 Es... stick up asso. 164 00:10:52,395 --> 00:10:53,588 Hypocrita. 165 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,578 El doble standardo. 166 00:10:57,384 --> 00:10:58,746 Ella fumar 167 00:10:58,953 --> 00:11:00,542 sino si yo fumar, 168 00:11:01,649 --> 00:11:04,627 ella cortar los cojones grandes. 169 00:11:05,084 --> 00:11:06,090 Yes! 170 00:11:06,215 --> 00:11:08,111 You're beautiful when you smile. 171 00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:10,582 I wish you did speak English. I have a lot to discuss 172 00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:13,135 on the subject of accidental cunnilingus. 173 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,901 Why the fuck wouldn't i speak English? 174 00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:17,963 Give a brother a heads-up 175 00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:20,641 before he divulges his entire history with women. 176 00:11:20,766 --> 00:11:24,018 I was enjoying your Spanglish way too much to stop you. 177 00:11:24,186 --> 00:11:26,513 - My Spanglish is muy bueno. - Rosario! 178 00:11:26,638 --> 00:11:27,521 Fuck! 179 00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:30,022 - What? - Get out of here. Go... 180 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,149 Rosario. 181 00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:36,155 Mr. Jones. 182 00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:41,534 I was thinking that now might be the perfect time 183 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,356 for one of our performance reviews. 184 00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:47,715 Maybe later, when I finish my work? 185 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,794 This is part of your work. 186 00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:02,611 Dios mio. 187 00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:12,257 I'm fairly new to porn myself. Still, let me just say, 188 00:12:12,382 --> 00:12:15,392 it's nice to be in an office occupied by a real executive. 189 00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,528 On a couch that's actually used for sitting. 190 00:12:18,862 --> 00:12:19,958 Love it! 191 00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:23,784 Daisy, you are so funny. Oh, do the end of Vaginatown. 192 00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:27,997 "She's my sister, my daughter, my sister... 193 00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:30,666 "I'll never figure it out without a cock in me!" 194 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,353 I didn't realize that also played comedically. 195 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,177 We think that Daisy has what it takes 196 00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:41,563 to be an intense girl. 197 00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:43,485 That is great. Just great. 198 00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:46,160 But we're fielding offers from a few studios, 199 00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:48,596 so can you tell us what sets intense apart? 200 00:12:48,721 --> 00:12:51,730 Well, Daisy will have access to our marketing and distribution teams. 201 00:12:52,196 --> 00:12:55,483 And with that kind of exposure, Daisy can name her price at strip clubs, 202 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,985 fan events, tours. 203 00:12:58,154 --> 00:12:59,873 Not to mention merchandising. 204 00:12:59,998 --> 00:13:01,751 Her face will be on the package 205 00:13:01,876 --> 00:13:04,576 of thousands of rubber vaginas. 206 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,040 Great! 207 00:13:06,572 --> 00:13:09,163 Of course, all intense girls are all at least double Ds. 208 00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:11,749 You don't have a problem getting implants, do you? 209 00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:13,239 Wait a minute. 210 00:13:14,304 --> 00:13:17,440 I'm no expert, but I consider myself quite a masturbator. 211 00:13:17,565 --> 00:13:21,008 I've certainly rubbed them out to girls a lot smaller-chested than Daisy here. 212 00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:24,387 Well, that porn does exist. But it's a niche. 213 00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:26,430 Like shrimping or granny-fucking. 214 00:13:26,599 --> 00:13:28,569 Who says shrimping is niche? 215 00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:31,147 We love what we see. 216 00:13:31,272 --> 00:13:33,938 We just want to see a little more of it, right? 217 00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:38,567 Fine, but you got to know 218 00:13:38,737 --> 00:13:41,201 that if my client is even gonna consider this request, 219 00:13:41,326 --> 00:13:44,519 you'd be buying them. We're not paying for fun bags. 220 00:13:46,263 --> 00:13:50,207 You know, I'm all for a little affair of the heart, but that dude? 221 00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:53,292 I think you can do a lot better. 222 00:13:53,511 --> 00:13:55,156 It wasn't always that bad. 223 00:13:55,982 --> 00:13:58,462 I fell for him at first. He was gonna leave his wife for me. 224 00:13:59,525 --> 00:14:02,197 And he was gonna pay so my whole family could go to college 225 00:14:02,322 --> 00:14:03,965 or some shit like that. 226 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,824 Rosario, te amo, muchacha. 227 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,642 Linda, hermosa, bella t?. 228 00:14:12,012 --> 00:14:13,352 No me gusta. 229 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,440 Give me your jeans. 230 00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:21,225 No, I don't want you to do a whole load of dark. 231 00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,820 I'm good. They're drying. 232 00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:25,423 No, papi. Don't worry. 233 00:14:26,463 --> 00:14:28,585 I just want to see you out of them. 234 00:14:38,809 --> 00:14:41,713 This is wrong on so many different levels. 235 00:14:42,676 --> 00:14:46,218 When we're done, can you at least let me mop up? 236 00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:47,925 Oh, my God. 237 00:14:54,677 --> 00:14:55,828 It's my phone. 238 00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:07,406 Mia is dating Lew Ashby! 239 00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:10,534 I am as surprised as you are. 240 00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:11,781 What the fuck? 241 00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:15,818 We are meant to be taking care of her, not letting her skip school 242 00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:18,075 so { hat }she can sit in the laps of old men. 243 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,294 Hey, you're the one that condoned it. 244 00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:23,047 - Are you out of your fucking mind? - Who was the one that said 245 00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:26,300 dating an older man was a "valid life experience"? Quote. 246 00:15:27,146 --> 00:15:28,146 Fuck! 247 00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:32,293 No, not... you know, I didn't mean it like that. 248 00:15:32,418 --> 00:15:35,697 I believe someone is owed an apology, and his name is Hank. 249 00:15:35,822 --> 00:15:39,226 No, because you brought this man into our lives, okay? 250 00:15:39,351 --> 00:15:41,248 - So you can fix it. - I tried to stop it. 251 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,970 {Look, a}Anyway, I have it on good authority 252 00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:45,135 that relationship is not long for this world, 253 00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:46,538 so relax. 254 00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:49,789 Wait a minute. Hank? 255 00:15:50,018 --> 00:15:51,950 {"Hank"? }Why are you saying "Hank" like that? 256 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,162 Like what? Like, since when did you care how I say "Hank"? 257 00:15:55,332 --> 00:15:57,998 Why are you so up my ass about the way I think you say "Hank"? 258 00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,613 You're fucking paranoi... Are you stoned? 259 00:16:00,738 --> 00:16:01,807 La vieja? 260 00:16:03,238 --> 00:16:04,254 Fuck you. 261 00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:09,658 La vieja. 262 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,822 - I think we should reconsider. - It's a career move. 263 00:16:17,947 --> 00:16:19,937 It's wrong is what it is. 264 00:16:20,107 --> 00:16:21,980 We were fools to agree to surgery. 265 00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:24,370 Thousands of rubber vaginas. 266 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:26,576 Yeah, to get your face on those vaginas, 267 00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:29,009 you have to undo your very Daisy-ness. 268 00:16:29,199 --> 00:16:32,011 Everything in my career has been leading up to this. 269 00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:34,326 I wanna be a star, Charlie. 270 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,412 The real stars do not get their boobs done. 271 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,000 The Julias, the Meryls, the Nicoles. 272 00:16:41,309 --> 00:16:43,711 Nicole Clitman? She has E's. 273 00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:48,175 She needs them to distract people from the rest of her. You don't. 274 00:16:48,343 --> 00:16:49,628 Come on. Daisy. 275 00:16:50,423 --> 00:16:52,920 You know, don't hide behind silicone. 276 00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:55,200 Be brave enough to be yourself. 277 00:16:55,325 --> 00:16:57,350 You're a real star. 278 00:17:16,874 --> 00:17:18,197 You're an asshole! 279 00:17:19,565 --> 00:17:22,463 - But we haven't even dated. - No, I'm a little too old for you. 280 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:23,960 You date children. 281 00:17:26,924 --> 00:17:28,089 She's 17. 282 00:17:28,259 --> 00:17:31,550 Okay, but to be fair, when I met her, I thought she was 19. 283 00:17:33,276 --> 00:17:34,429 Not helping, right? 284 00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:36,949 - You're disgusting. - Okay, look... 285 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,601 Don't leave in a huff. 286 00:17:40,949 --> 00:17:42,968 You know, I design houses for a living. 287 00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:45,852 And usually, when someone wants a giant behemoth like this, 288 00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,901 it's because they're hiding from something. 289 00:17:48,071 --> 00:17:50,704 Which is a good idea for you. If you ever took the time 290 00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,734 to look in the mirror, just for a second, 291 00:17:52,859 --> 00:17:54,908 you'd see yourself as you really are. 292 00:17:55,268 --> 00:17:57,785 There's a reason why you can only attract 17-year-olds. 293 00:17:57,955 --> 00:17:59,412 It's because you're pathetic! 294 00:18:04,806 --> 00:18:05,806 Fuck. 295 00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:10,136 Think we'll make it out of here by sunset? 296 00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:11,466 The coast is clear. 297 00:18:14,098 --> 00:18:15,512 Don't fall again. 298 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:20,217 Hey there. 299 00:18:20,342 --> 00:18:21,768 - What the fuck? - Hola. 300 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,728 Who the fuck is this? 301 00:18:24,845 --> 00:18:28,068 - I know you from somewhere. - Don't worry your little head about it. 302 00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:31,596 Rosario {here }is my amiga. And she tells me when she tried to call it quits 303 00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:35,381 between you two, you didn't wanna stop. Now, I'm all for the... 304 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:38,289 That's cool. I'm not one to judge. 305 00:18:38,435 --> 00:18:41,461 But you... the power relations are skewed here, you understand? 306 00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:44,333 You got to read your Karl Marx. I want you to respect her shit. 307 00:18:44,671 --> 00:18:47,224 - What're you talking... - I don't wanna hear she's been let go. 308 00:18:47,349 --> 00:18:51,346 The day I hear about that, { hat's the day that }your old lady hears about it, comprende? 309 00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:52,944 - Fuck you. - Fuck me? 310 00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:54,801 - No, fuck you, Ron. - Fuck you, Ron. 311 00:18:54,971 --> 00:18:56,511 Yeah, fuck you, Ron. 312 00:18:56,681 --> 00:18:57,803 Fuck you, Ron. 313 00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:59,847 - This is over. - It's over, buddy. 314 00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:03,008 If it's any consolation, I think she got you out of her system. 315 00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:04,894 Several times. Twice in Spanish, 316 00:19:05,064 --> 00:19:06,889 - couple times in English there. - Dos. 317 00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:09,809 Once in Spanglish. An underrated movie, in my opinion. 318 00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,484 What's going on here? 319 00:19:14,536 --> 00:19:17,506 - Did you fuck my maid? - No hablo Ingleses. 320 00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:20,165 That is unbelievable. 321 00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:24,163 You know, I was trying to make a graceful exit, 322 00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:25,831 but red-faced angry hockey dad 323 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,036 likes to keep baby in a corner and keep his gate locked up. 324 00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:30,704 What was I thinking 325 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:33,389 letting the Hank Moodys and the Lew Ashbys of the world 326 00:19:33,514 --> 00:19:35,796 - back into my life? - You were probably thinking 327 00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:38,261 you needed a break from red-faced angry hockey dad. 328 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,817 Let me just ask you about Rosario. Can I ask you not to... 329 00:19:43,942 --> 00:19:47,337 fire her, if that's too much? I get the feeling she needs the job 330 00:19:47,462 --> 00:19:49,466 and there are mouths to feed, so... 331 00:19:49,591 --> 00:19:51,319 I'm not gonna fire Rosario. 332 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,944 She keeps on keeping house like that, she can keep fucking my husband. 333 00:19:57,205 --> 00:19:58,823 You're some kind of a neat-freak. 334 00:19:58,993 --> 00:20:00,898 I'm not an idiot. I know all about it. 335 00:20:01,023 --> 00:20:03,473 I just don't know that I actually care. 336 00:20:04,415 --> 00:20:06,760 I'm not sure I buy that, Janie Jones. 337 00:20:07,311 --> 00:20:09,709 Look, I know I'm not on top of my game here, 338 00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:11,550 but I don't want to lose 339 00:20:11,675 --> 00:20:13,958 the most compelling part of my book, so... 340 00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:17,146 I'm sure that Lew Ashby has plenty of compelling parts 341 00:20:17,271 --> 00:20:20,178 - stashed around this entire city. - But you're the key. 342 00:20:20,348 --> 00:20:22,093 Can we just finish this interview 343 00:20:22,218 --> 00:20:24,668 without, you know, the dip in the pool 344 00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:26,684 and the dip in the maid? 345 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,393 I'm done talking about Lew. Go. 346 00:20:29,518 --> 00:20:31,147 If you want to see me again, 347 00:20:31,832 --> 00:20:33,682 you just have to ask me out. 348 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:45,780 Hold that thought. 349 00:20:51,503 --> 00:20:54,406 - What is this stuff? - Okay. Here's the deal. 350 00:20:54,531 --> 00:20:55,422 See, 351 00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:58,195 my 57-second performance in Vaginatown 352 00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:00,571 was no one-time thing. 353 00:21:01,025 --> 00:21:03,279 - You come... - Rather quickly. 354 00:21:03,558 --> 00:21:04,764 You poor baby! 355 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,509 No, no! I'm lucky. 356 00:21:06,810 --> 00:21:10,531 Lucky to live in an age when there are various tools available 357 00:21:10,656 --> 00:21:13,702 of which those of my ilk can avail themselves. See? 358 00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:16,587 There is numbing cream. That's good stuff. 359 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,862 Extra-thick condoms... 360 00:21:19,072 --> 00:21:20,132 Anal beads? 361 00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:22,209 They shouldn't be in this box. 362 00:21:22,334 --> 00:21:24,534 Those puppies make me come like a fire hose. 363 00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:32,583 You are not gonna need any of that stuff with me. 364 00:21:34,231 --> 00:21:35,962 Hey, what are you doing? 365 00:21:36,214 --> 00:21:38,250 Look, I can't see you naked yet. 366 00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,729 I'm gonna coach you through this. 367 00:21:41,854 --> 00:21:43,876 Cock control is mainly mental. 368 00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:47,307 So, what is your most embarrassing teen moment? 369 00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:50,418 High school. State debate championship. 370 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:53,393 Yeah, I was ahead, and then I popped a boner. 371 00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,273 So just think about that. 372 00:21:55,484 --> 00:21:57,401 No good. I shame-jizz. 373 00:21:58,904 --> 00:22:00,737 I'll just do the yonic pretzel. 374 00:22:00,906 --> 00:22:03,198 What the fuck is a yonic pretzel? 375 00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:05,019 It's like a negative Kegel. 376 00:22:05,144 --> 00:22:08,119 - A negative what? - It's just complicated vagina shit. 377 00:22:08,289 --> 00:22:10,291 Every time you think you're gonna blow, 378 00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:11,525 just pinch me. 379 00:22:11,650 --> 00:22:13,624 And then that'll be my cue to pretzel, okay? 380 00:22:13,852 --> 00:22:15,001 I don't know. 381 00:22:15,253 --> 00:22:16,258 Trust me. 382 00:22:17,151 --> 00:22:18,660 You believed in me, 383 00:22:19,148 --> 00:22:20,930 and I believe in you. 384 00:22:21,482 --> 00:22:23,532 I'm gonna get you through this. 385 00:22:36,291 --> 00:22:38,069 - Here. - Me? Okay. Yeah. 386 00:22:38,448 --> 00:22:40,576 A little anesthetic never hurt. 387 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:46,532 And you're right. I am an asshole. 388 00:22:47,245 --> 00:22:49,884 - I know. - I'm not gonna lie to you and say 389 00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:52,914 that Mia is an old soul, but... 390 00:22:53,761 --> 00:22:54,825 She is... 391 00:22:55,233 --> 00:22:56,317 charming... 392 00:22:57,357 --> 00:22:58,357 Witty, 393 00:22:58,671 --> 00:23:00,339 - and gorgeous. - Yes, 394 00:23:00,507 --> 00:23:02,925 but she's less than half your age. 395 00:23:03,093 --> 00:23:05,316 But by the time charming, witty, and gorgeous women 396 00:23:05,441 --> 00:23:07,660 get to be my age, they want nothing to do with me. 397 00:23:07,785 --> 00:23:09,832 So that's your rationale. That's okay. 398 00:23:09,957 --> 00:23:11,933 No, it's true. Take yourself, for example. 399 00:23:12,102 --> 00:23:15,276 - You've had your share of man-children. - Excuse me! 400 00:23:16,554 --> 00:23:18,857 You'd see me coming a mile away, right? 401 00:23:19,672 --> 00:23:21,046 Man's got a point. 402 00:23:21,852 --> 00:23:24,298 But I guess I wouldn't have seen you coming at 17, 403 00:23:24,423 --> 00:23:26,322 which is why we protect our children. 404 00:23:26,659 --> 00:23:29,336 The whole age thing's a real sticking point with you. 405 00:23:29,461 --> 00:23:32,062 Geez. Forgive a guy. Can you just forgive a guy? 406 00:23:32,187 --> 00:23:35,665 I mean, surely, there's other older men that have dated Mia, right? 407 00:23:35,835 --> 00:23:37,208 Not as far as I know. 408 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,628 - And if you did know? - I don't know. 409 00:23:39,796 --> 00:23:43,090 If they were like you, I wouldn't speak with them ever again. 410 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:44,343 Interesting. 411 00:23:44,943 --> 00:23:48,011 - What's interesting? - 'Cause we're truth-telling. 412 00:23:52,054 --> 00:23:53,054 What? 413 00:23:53,179 --> 00:23:54,179 Nothing. 414 00:23:56,938 --> 00:23:58,766 I take women as they come to me. 415 00:23:58,891 --> 00:24:02,146 Any woman who is kind enough to have me, I don't question. 416 00:24:02,271 --> 00:24:05,633 - That's beautiful. That's nice of you. - I missed a little bit. 417 00:24:09,286 --> 00:24:10,511 What the fuck? 418 00:24:12,233 --> 00:24:14,579 I thought I saw a green light there. I did. 419 00:24:14,748 --> 00:24:16,414 - No. - No, absolutely. 420 00:24:16,898 --> 00:24:17,900 What? 421 00:24:18,377 --> 00:24:20,424 I've got to go. You're insane. 422 00:24:22,422 --> 00:24:23,422 Call me. 423 00:24:31,527 --> 00:24:33,682 Your Jedi clam tricks really work. 424 00:24:34,780 --> 00:24:37,691 Yeah. I'm really doing it. Staying in the game. 425 00:24:38,396 --> 00:24:39,979 My penis is still in your vagina. 426 00:24:40,302 --> 00:24:41,731 Way to go, champ! 427 00:24:45,121 --> 00:24:46,160 Holy shit! 428 00:24:47,170 --> 00:24:50,073 I'm king of fuck mountain! I could go for days! 429 00:24:50,994 --> 00:24:54,118 - That's not totally necessary. - It's no problem. 430 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:57,204 - You just enjoy yourself. - I'm actually a little sore. 431 00:24:59,078 --> 00:25:00,993 That's cool. Coming is my favorite part. 432 00:25:01,118 --> 00:25:02,347 You earned it. 433 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:10,082 Okay, please don't pick that up. 434 00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:11,261 I'm chafing. 435 00:25:11,809 --> 00:25:14,275 It's Ilene. Where the hell is my daughter? 436 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,277 She doesn't pick up. She doesn't call. 437 00:25:16,402 --> 00:25:19,686 What the fuck, Runkle? She had manners before she married you. 438 00:25:20,939 --> 00:25:22,689 Son of a bitch! 439 00:25:24,633 --> 00:25:26,487 Hey, it's the littlest of the Moodys. 440 00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:29,256 I got some sushi. Play some guitar hero. What do you say? 441 00:25:29,381 --> 00:25:31,231 Maybe some other time, dad. 442 00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:34,951 I got the kind with the paper boats. You love you some paper boats. 443 00:25:35,121 --> 00:25:36,496 I'm meeting Damien. 444 00:25:38,498 --> 00:25:40,401 You know, fuck that Harry Chapin. 445 00:25:40,526 --> 00:25:42,668 Prophetic bastard, "cat's in the cradle." 446 00:25:43,156 --> 00:25:45,695 Motherfucker. I should have picked her up. 447 00:25:45,820 --> 00:25:46,820 Right. 448 00:25:47,423 --> 00:25:49,406 It's not her loss, you know... 449 00:25:49,958 --> 00:25:52,511 You had your chance, and now you don't, so... 450 00:25:53,684 --> 00:25:55,346 Oh, yeah. You want sushi? 451 00:25:55,516 --> 00:25:57,463 No. I Would that I could. 452 00:25:57,588 --> 00:26:00,539 I have to go meet Sonja and your best friend 453 00:26:00,664 --> 00:26:03,381 - at the gallery at the Bergamot. - The bearded bozo? 454 00:26:03,506 --> 00:26:05,649 Take some with. I got way too much.{ I got} 455 00:26:05,817 --> 00:26:07,795 - Like 20 lbs. - It doesn't travel so well. 456 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,307 - ... paper boats. - Thank you. But you could, you know, 457 00:26:10,432 --> 00:26:12,416 just make yourself at home and 458 00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:14,073 And lock up after. 459 00:26:14,453 --> 00:26:15,961 Well, yeah, this... 460 00:26:16,086 --> 00:26:17,793 Used to be my home once. 461 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:21,270 And I used to be your girl once. 462 00:26:23,669 --> 00:26:25,390 - Okay. - Hey, about... 463 00:26:26,238 --> 00:26:28,373 You know, the Mia thing with Ashby. 464 00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:30,881 I'll take care of it. I'm gonna protect her. 465 00:26:31,968 --> 00:26:33,554 It's already taken care of. 466 00:26:33,679 --> 00:26:36,095 No, it's unforgivable. She's still a kid. 467 00:26:36,264 --> 00:26:38,472 - I took care of it. - How? How did you do that? 468 00:26:38,683 --> 00:26:40,664 I mean, the guy's an animal, a moving train. 469 00:26:40,789 --> 00:26:42,069 He's pure Id. 470 00:26:42,562 --> 00:26:44,071 Yeah, you're right. 471 00:26:46,291 --> 00:26:48,275 But he is a great kisser, so... 472 00:26:48,891 --> 00:26:49,891 What? 473 00:26:51,983 --> 00:26:53,530 I think you heard me. 474 00:26:55,329 --> 00:26:57,247 So, if you'll excuse me, 475 00:26:57,932 --> 00:27:00,307 I have to go see a man about a horse.