1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,002 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,379 - This is where you work? - You want to come inside? 3 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:08,424 - Would that involve seeing you naked? - Oh, most definitely. 4 00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,135 I think not. In the interest of student-teacher relations. 5 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,054 (Felicia) Hank... 6 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,432 - Hank! - Yes, Fräulein. 7 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:20,060 Tonight, my house, English department fall mixer. 8 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:23,022 How many jobs do you have, lady? You got a paper route too? 9 00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,066 - Did you two come together? - No. We just came in together. 10 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,238 Oops. 11 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,703 - (Glass shatters) - I fucking hate you! 12 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,663 OK, I'll just... I'll move back in. 13 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,833 - I do my thing, you do yours. - Fine by me. 14 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:43,959 Aargh! 15 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:47,671 - No means no, you know? - This the surprise you were talkin' about? 16 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,299 - I signed a big fish today. - (Marcy) Oh, well, good for you. 17 00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:51,967 Maybe you can move the fuck out now. 18 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,302 Come on. 19 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,889 - I was looking for Charlie. - (Coughing) 20 00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,641 Charlie. Are you inside that woman? 21 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,018 I can explain. 22 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,485 (Door opens) 23 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,204 Bob's your uncle. Oh... 24 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:23,040 Oh, hey... Felicio. 25 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,375 Looks like you caught me doing a little... ahh... 26 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,835 pre-class meditato. 27 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,963 - We should talk. - Oh, shit, you're not preggers, are you? 28 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,341 Hank, we kissed. That was all. 29 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,927 Technically speaking, you kissed me, for what it's worth. 30 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,471 I've never done that before. 31 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:41,058 You never kissed a man? That's plain weird. What, are you a hooker or something? 32 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,102 Hookers don't kiss. Neither do Marines. 33 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,979 That's the best gay porn title I ever heard. Marines Don't Kiss. 34 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:49,525 What I'm saying is, I've never stepped outside of my marriage before. 35 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,984 Well, of course not. Duh. 36 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:54,113 Who in their right mind would step out on His Royal Deanness? 37 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,157 Look, I know Stacy's not exactly of your tribe. 38 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,785 But once upon a time I was very much in love with the man. 39 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,454 - Yeah. - Before he cheated on me, that is. 40 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,123 Whoa, Nelly! 41 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:08,502 Are you trying to tell me that smarmy piece of wiener cheese took his love to town? 42 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,172 Oldest story in the book, I'm afraid. He fell for one of his students. 43 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,883 We got through it, though. Counselling, couples therapy. 44 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,970 Over-intellectualising the whole thing to an absurd degree. 45 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,682 - We're really quite good at that. - Wow, rock on with your bad selves. 46 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:27,187 That's... that's awesome, but I'm guessing that you feel like you're... owed one. 47 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,648 Like you got this Get Out Of Jail Free Card, 48 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:32,401 and you just don't know how or when to use it? 49 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,319 Or maybe I do. 50 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,532 Oh, well, shucks. Uh, I... I'd be flattered... 51 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:44,997 but I try not to involve myself in other people's domestic strife. 52 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,249 Really, Hank? I haven't known you all that long, 53 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,877 but that doesn't seem like part of your programming. 54 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,714 It's a relatively new thing based on a shitload of really horrible experiences. 55 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,883 - But it's a thing nonetheless. - Hm. 56 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,136 And who says I'd ever cash in such a chit on the likes of you? 57 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,097 Whoa. Well, uh... 58 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:05,309 I would be the lucky one if you would. 59 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,811 I mean, you're a great broad, Felicia. 60 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,688 You deserve to be happier. 61 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,857 - Mm... - Uh-oh. 62 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,984 (Moaning) 63 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,739 Why can't I stop kissing you? 64 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,908 Oh, it's not your fault. 65 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:23,327 I'm like flypaper for the emotionally disturbed. 66 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,078 (Knock on door) 67 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,539 - Oop. - Ow, that's my balls. 68 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,876 Oh, hey, am I interrupting something? 69 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,545 - Just some furtive fucking. - Oh, God! 70 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,964 - I'll come back. - Please. This fellow? 71 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:39,009 Give a girl some credit. 72 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,179 - I have to go to class. - OK. Ta. 73 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,975 - We should talk. - Oh, shit, you're not preggers, are you? 74 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,436 What are you talking about? You said you were snipped. 75 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,813 Phew, that's a relief. 76 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,234 - We can't do that any more. - You're right. We should not. 77 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:59,154 I mean, we-we-we could lose our jobs, our homes... 78 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,199 - our citizenship. - Yeah, I know. 79 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,619 I was more thinking along the lines that I haven't had the sex in a while, 80 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,039 and the other night was kind of like waking a sleeping tiger. 81 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,541 If we're not gonna be doing it on a regular basis, 82 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,836 I don't think we should be doing it at all, you know what I mean? 83 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,880 I do know what you mean, 84 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,217 but that whole waking the sleeping tiger thing 85 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,719 got me hard. 86 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:26,390 Mm. And I'm wet. 87 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,892 Hard and wet, that's a winning combination. 88 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:33,105 That's like cookies and cream, or... 89 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,440 - Lennon and McCartney. - Mm. 90 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:26,408 Hank, I've been making some phone calls on your behalf. And guess what. 91 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,952 People think you're a cunt. No joke. 92 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,496 Now, here's what I think we should do. 93 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:35,292 There's a lot of dried-up Hollywood snatch out there in need of watering. 94 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,044 Powerful older women 95 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:41,631 whose limp-dicked husbands have long since stopped tending their gardens. 96 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:45,761 And they want someone young, dumb, full of come. 97 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:48,055 That's where you come in. 98 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,932 Now, I think we should send you around town, 99 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,352 these executive suites, 100 00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:56,688 and you charm your way into the hearts, minds, 101 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,441 and pants of these unfuckable monsters. 102 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,569 Next thing you know, my phone is ringing for Hank Moody. 103 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,405 So you're suggesting that I dump this whole writer thing 104 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,574 and reinvent myself as a Hollywood man-whore? 105 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,034 Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely. 106 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,870 (Chuckles) And then we turn around 107 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:15,540 and we sell your story as a modern-day American Gigolo. 108 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,959 - What do you think? - What are you guys doing? 109 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,421 - You playing footsie? - She's playing footsie, not me. 110 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,716 - Oh, we're not dating. Just fucking. - Really? 111 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,302 - Just the once. - Oh, bullshit. 112 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,679 I gave you two blow jobs in one night. 113 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,891 And you ate this pussy like your mama made it. 114 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,017 (Mobile phone chimes) 115 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,228 Oh, holy fuckballs! I got a lunch. 116 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,439 Kristofferson. My most loyal client. 117 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,442 Oh, God, I get in a puddle just thinking about it. 118 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,986 Oh, Runkle, now, don't be jealous. 119 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,823 I think we should keep emotion out of this thing of ours. 120 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,367 Good idea, Sue. I'm totally with you on that. 121 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,619 Yeah. What are you doing later, Hank? 122 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,995 - Uh... - Party at my place. 123 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:57,082 Why don't you stop by for a steak and a blow job? 124 00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,377 I'd love to see you and Runkle with your swords crossed. 125 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,504 Collini... out. 126 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,425 What the fuck is going on, big boy? 127 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,970 Just goin' with the flow. 128 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,722 I gotta pick up Becca. I promised her I'd take her shopping. 129 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,892 - You want to hit a strip club later? - Buh-buh-sheeure. Yeah. 130 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,520 - Sounds like a good time. - I got a student that works at one. 131 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,398 - Of course you do. - She dropped my class... I think she did... 132 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,109 I'm perturbed, I want to find out why, but I can't go alone. 133 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,111 - That would be unseemly. - Agreed. 134 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,321 Hey, hey, you gonna buy me a lap dance? 135 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:31,408 Maybe. If you promise not to come in your pants. 136 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,702 Moody... out. 137 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,371 Come on, Becca, you're killing me softly here. 138 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,375 Whoa. OK, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that. 139 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,170 Just bring my daughter back alive, and I won't call the cops. 140 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,005 - OK? I promise. - Dad... 141 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:49,259 - You have no fashion sense whatsoever. - I have excellent fashion sense. 142 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,720 I know what works for me. I have a uniform. 143 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,346 And a massive brain tumour. 144 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:56,600 Because I don't want to see your butt crack every time you get out of the car? 145 00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,270 - All right, fine. I'm guilty. Call me crazy. - May I? 146 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:04,107 May you what, butt into our conversation? Sure. Feel free. Go ahead. 147 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,068 She looks amazing. 148 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,404 See? What she said. 149 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,865 Well, of course she looks amazing... 150 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,243 To the tune of... 200 quatloos? 151 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,788 Jesus Christ, if I didn't already object on moral and religious grounds, 152 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,790 I'm never gonna spend that on clothes. 153 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,834 You promised you'd take me shopping. 154 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,670 Yes, honey, but I thought that meant, you know, 155 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,923 buying a few T-shirts at Hot Topic 156 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:31,259 and grabbing an Orange Julius or something like that. 157 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,261 I'm not that girl any more, Dad. 158 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,305 She's not that girl any more, Dad. 159 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,724 Thanks for the help, Shopkeep. Look, um... 160 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:41,895 I think I see someone over there in the market for a $250 Jethro Tull T-shirt. 161 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,898 By the way, I was at that show. I paid all of ten bucks for the shirt. 162 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,275 Go. Exploit. Be gone. 163 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,818 I hate you. 164 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,904 Becs? Bexster? 165 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,699 Hey, listen, why don't we, um, go for a little walk and talk, and I'll, uh... 166 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,203 I'll get you one of those hot dogs on a stick that you like? 167 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,372 Or that you used to love, anyway. 168 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,874 I don't even know. I'm giving up. That's it. 169 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,084 (Door opens) 170 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:10,382 - Wow. - There. Are you happy now? 171 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,259 Sort of. 172 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,345 But not really. Not if you're not. 173 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,597 You can't have it both ways, Dad. 174 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,516 (Knock on door) 175 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,810 - Are you expecting someone? - Godot. 176 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:25,063 Oh, Godot. Ho ho. That's not bad. 177 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,357 - Hey, Chelsea. - I want to show you something. 178 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,862 - We're working on her manners. - Hideous creatures, these teenage girls. 179 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,575 - Monstrous. Couldn't agree with you more. - Is it too late to drown them in the tub? 180 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,618 Would you like some tea or sherry or... 181 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:41,663 - what is it, Pimm? - Oh, no, thanks. 182 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:45,375 - I heard about the fight. - Oh, fight. Not... not really a fight. 183 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:49,170 It was more like a disagreement. Caring out loud, really. 184 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,214 Let me take her shopping with us. 185 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,009 Oh, no. Your daughter looks like a trollop. 186 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,011 That's... that's mean. 187 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,430 I'm just kidding. Not really. 188 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:01,266 Come on, just tell me how much you want to spend. 189 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,810 I'll make the most of it, and I'll make her look as... 190 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,271 I don't know, classy as humanly possible. 191 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,481 - I don't know. - Come on. She's such a sweet girl 192 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:11,276 and misses her mother and doesn't know how to talk to her father. 193 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:15,030 - She used to. - Yeah, well, things change. She's evolving. 194 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,992 She's trying out different personalities. You've got to adapt or die. 195 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,787 - Well, maybe I'll come with you. - Absolutely not. No. No, no. 196 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,290 Besides, I wouldn't want her to see me 197 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,834 pull you into a dark corner and make out with you. 198 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,630 You dirty English rose, you. 199 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,883 It would appear that you bring it out in me. 200 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,098 - (Door opens) - You all ready? 201 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,314 Can I go? 202 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,358 (Sighs) Yes. 203 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,820 See, I told you he wasn't quite the asshole you said he was. 204 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,947 Come along, girls. Let's hit the road. 205 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,660 That's, uh, Mr Asshole to you, Chelsea. 206 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,371 - Mm-hm. - (Hank) Yeah. OK. 207 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:17,217 Check it out. I think I can see where they put the implants in. 208 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:20,095 Ba-Jesus, it's like the laces on a football. 209 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,681 You gonna be like this all night? Hey, is Jackie working? 210 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:26,643 Sorry, sweetie, don't know any Jackie. You want a dance? 211 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,230 Do you really think I would strip under my real name? 212 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,358 Uh, sorry, I don't know the protocol. 213 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,527 - Well, you're forgiven. - Hm. 214 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,779 Well, what is your stripper handle, then? 215 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,863 - Ashley. - Ashley? 216 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,032 - Ashley Madison. Mm-hm. - Ashley Madison. 217 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,660 Meet my agent. This is my student. 218 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,870 Of course she is. 219 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,915 You know, I had a feeling you'd show up sooner or later. 220 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,000 Is that why you dropped my class? 221 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,420 Yeah, because I'm just that obsessed with you. 222 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,256 Listen, I really can't sit around and chitchat all night. 223 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:58,842 So you can buy a dance or hit the road. 224 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,510 - Come here, my agent. - Ooh... 225 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,637 Oh, settle down. 226 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,058 OK, this is for me. 227 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,436 And this... Well, let's go, here... 228 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,187 This is for Ralph Baldo Emerson here. 229 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,897 Come on, big guy. 230 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,066 (? Sultry dance beat) 231 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,110 - Oh... (Laughter) 232 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:28,204 - What happened to you? - Nothing scandalous. 233 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,915 - Writing's just not my thing. - I beg to differ. 234 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,627 Well, you can beg all you want, but it was an elective. 235 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,046 I'm a business major. I don't have time for it. 236 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,466 (Hank) Business? 237 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,801 Who studies business in this day and age? 238 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,471 That feels really good, by the way. 239 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,556 - Nice work. - Thanks. 240 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,725 That there is a man boner. 241 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,771 Mm, yeah, that's pretty much what we shoot for in here. 242 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,483 Look, I know what you're thinking. 243 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,110 I'm not one of your typical fucked-up damage cases 244 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,321 who's just lusting for male attention. 245 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,990 I'm not saying those girls don't exist. 246 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:08,244 Throw a rock in here and you'll hit six or seven, but that's not me. 247 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:14,042 I am just making the most of what I got while I still got it. 248 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:19,506 Ahh... Right. So what's next? 249 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,133 - I get the hell out. - Just like that? 250 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:27,472 You're just gonna disappear like a... topless Salinger? 251 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,641 The Stripper In The Rye. 252 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:33,436 - Hey, did you just come in your pants? - What? You were grinding... 253 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,146 - Disgusting! - I'm sorry. 254 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,441 - It was an exceptional lap dance. - Freakin' gross! 255 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,986 - Nicely done, Runkle. - (Laughs) It was a compliment. 256 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,739 - (Phone rings) - A liquid compliment. 257 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,658 Hello? 258 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,576 Hey, Marcy, baby! 259 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,162 I'm at a strip club with Hank! 260 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:55,166 I just got a lap dance. It's awesome here. 261 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,878 Really? No shit. 262 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,964 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be right there. 263 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,757 Hey, I gotta go. 264 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,760 Somebody who saw the house is coming back for the third time this week. 265 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,053 They might make an offer. 266 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,097 - Good luck, pal. - No. Sticky fingers. 267 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,015 Nice to meet you, Ashley Madison. 268 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,352 ? Cha cha tra la la, do you wanna... ? 269 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,564 See, what did I tell you? Am I not awesome? 270 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:21,150 Do I not provide a valid and worthwhile public service? 271 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,904 Yes, all that and more. But you're a damn fine writer too. 272 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,865 So you say. 273 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:30,243 - But I don't really care about that. - Well, maybe you should. 274 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,745 - Maybe it's another way out. - Of what? 275 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,914 The hole you're desperately trying to dig out of. 276 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,457 - (Laughs) - Maybe not as fast, 277 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,668 but the payoff will last a lot longer, trust me. 278 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,212 You know, I don't know a thing about you, Teach. 279 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,090 Where you grew up, what you believe in. 280 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,510 But you really have no idea where I come from. The shit I've seen. 281 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,761 - Oh? - Mm. 282 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,389 - All right, well, tell me. - Why? 283 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,558 - It's boring as shit. - (Both laugh) 284 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,101 I don't know, tell me. 285 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:58,980 OK, do you really want to hear about the father that I never knew? 286 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:04,027 The mother who used to clean rich people's houses to get me to college? 287 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,863 Writing is just a... it's a pipe dream. 288 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,949 You can't really make a living doing something like that. 289 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,286 Actually, that's how you end up teaching. 290 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,871 - Ouch. - Mm. 291 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,999 Instead, I would rather retire my mother, you know? 292 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,210 And if I have to use my body to do so, then so fucking be it. 293 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,463 You know, I appreciate you 294 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:28,009 trying to help me unleash my inner Hemingway, but I'm a big girl. 295 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,802 You know, I can take care of myself. 296 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:32,931 Wow. I think you should really get back into class. 297 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,224 We could workshop that little story of yours. 298 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:38,478 I'm not sure I believe a word of it, but I dig the details. 299 00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,649 - It was a pleasure meeting you, Ashley... - Madison. 300 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,776 - Ashley Madison. - Mm-hm. 301 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,949 Jesus, took you long enough. 302 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:53,284 I'm sorry. I had to call a cab. 303 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,161 What's with the stain? 304 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,831 Ugh, don't bother. I don't want to know. 305 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,875 I'm on the rag, and I'll start screaming. 306 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,711 - I don't want to scream. - OK, OK. What can I do? 307 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,632 Um, just make sure your jerk-off paraphernalia is all tucked away. 308 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:11,469 - Gone. Done. What else? - Uh, that's it. 309 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,554 I think I'm good with that. 310 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:17,809 - (Sighs) So this is it, huh? - What? 311 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,895 We're really gonna do this? Sell the place? 312 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:24,107 - Isn't that what we want? - Yeah, sure, I guess. 313 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,110 Just, you know, all of a sudden, a lot of memories come flooding back. 314 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:31,614 Some bad, but so many good, really. Great, even. 315 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,575 Can you stop, Charlie? Just stop, OK? 316 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:38,496 Cos I really don't want to go traipsing down memory lane with you right now. 317 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,624 Ugh, I gotta go change my fucking tampon. 318 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,299 (Man 1) Is that all you got? (Man 2) Come on. 319 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,010 - Yeah, Ashley. - Come on, Ashley. 320 00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,345 - Party. Yeah. - Party with us. 321 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,264 Hey, Jackie. 322 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,434 - You all right? - Yeah. Fine. 323 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,061 You know, big girl. Can take care of myself. Remember? 324 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,188 - You sure? - Yeah. 325 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,190 That means you can take off now, old timer. 326 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:10,153 Oh. I'm not sure I want to. I'm... I'm lonely. 327 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,198 What do I have to do to join this little homoerotic band of thieves here? 328 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:15,408 - OK. - Someone's looking 329 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,285 for a mouthful of cock and balls, huh? 330 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,621 Well, that does not sound very appetising or filling. 331 00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:24,375 Oh, shit! Bruce, Johnny, over here, quick! 332 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,961 - Kick his ass. - Leave him alone! Stop! 333 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,797 Fuck you. Fuck you! 334 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,216 Hey, Ted, let's go. 335 00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:33,885 (Coughing) 336 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,137 What were you thinking? 337 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:40,349 I was trying to prevent you from getting raped atop a pinball machine, you ingrate. 338 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,935 They're my regulars. They're usually sweethearts. 339 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,813 - Now you tell me. - Are you OK? 340 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:50,401 No. I just got my ass kicked by a J Crew catalogue. I'm not OK. 341 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,071 - What hurts? - My ass. 342 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,615 Yep, this is where the magic happens. 343 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,409 Oops, sorry. Used to happen. 344 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,495 Yeah, we're splitting the sheets. 345 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:04,499 D-l-V-O-R-S-E. Nothing to be ashamed of. Things just didn't work out. 346 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,668 You know, could happen to anyone. Even you guys. 347 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,338 Hey, dickless wonder, shut up. 348 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,300 Get it together, you two. 349 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,720 Wow, that's... disgusting. 350 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,431 Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! 351 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:23,142 - (Flushes) - Well, that time of the month. 352 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,061 You know how it is, right, sisters? 353 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,396 Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi. 354 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,108 Don't worry, we'll make it all nice. 355 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:33,569 Well, I think we've seen everything we needed to see. Thank you. Good night. 356 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,949 Really, Marcy, a fucking tampon in the toilet? In this market? 357 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,326 - (Charlie) Under control. - You should be ashamed. 358 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,453 (Charlie) Yep. It's going down. 359 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,798 - Come on. - Huh? 360 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,551 You're coming in. I want to take a look at you. 361 00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:01,305 - What about your friend Balt? - He's sleeping at his boyfriend's. 362 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,307 - Oh, he's got a boyfriend? - Mm-hm. 363 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,434 Good for that dude. 364 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,436 (Groans) 365 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,274 - Ow. Ooh, ooh. - Pussy. 366 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,776 What, no points for attempting to defend your honour, 367 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,280 no matter how ill-conceived or amateurish the execution? 368 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,410 - Mm... Oh. - Is that what you were looking for? 369 00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:25,121 - Not exactly, but that'll do. - Hm. 370 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,168 No. No más. I'm dizzy enough as it is. 371 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:33,671 - And this is not a good idea. - What does that even mean? 372 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:38,301 - You're my student. - Not any more I'm not. 373 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:41,262 Well, you're a student, and I am a teacher, 374 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:45,766 and as such, this is frowned upon somewhat. 375 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:49,061 Wow, give me a break. 376 00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:54,275 You once spent an entire class ranting about how much you hate Coldplay. 377 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,112 Something tells me that you could care less about what's frowned upon. 378 00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,616 - That's still one of my favourite lectures. - Mm. 379 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:05,203 Shit, you're really weakening my resolve. 380 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,747 Look, I'm 23. 381 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,916 If I'm attracted to you... 382 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,420 (Whispers) If I want to fuck you... 383 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,799 - That's really not helping. - Then what's the big deal? 384 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:23,054 ? You're the one that I want... ? 385 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,556 You have really nice boobs. 386 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,602 Can I touch one? 387 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,604 ? Honey, you're the one that I want... ? 388 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,731 Go ahead. 389 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,988 Oh, hello. 390 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,782 ? The one that I need... ? 391 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,368 This is so not fair. 392 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,787 ? Oh, yes indeed ? 393 00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:50,164 (Water running) 394 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,749 Fuck. 395 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,085 It's like a slasher film in there. 396 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,836 I think I got it all. 397 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,674 Are you OK? 398 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:03,970 Oh! Just leave me the fuck alone, Runkle. Jesus! 399 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,930 Why are you crying? 400 00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:09,892 Why wouldn't I be crying? I just want to be done with it already. 401 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,937 I want to sell this fucking house and get on with the rest of my life. 402 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,106 Maybe you should have thought about that 403 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:18,484 before you left all that menstrual blood in the toilet. 404 00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,903 Would you cut me some slack? 405 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:25,658 How many big, stinking dumps have you left in that very same toilet? 406 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:27,994 Ahh... (Sighs) 407 00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,830 I'm sorry I've made you so unhappy, Marcy. 408 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:37,753 Doesn't matter any more. We just weren't meant to be. 409 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,298 See, that's the thing. I think we were. 410 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,758 I think we were supposed to live happily ever after. 411 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,677 I just... I took a wrong turn somewhere. 412 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,222 Or, OK, several wrong turns. 413 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,349 I fucked it up. 414 00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:55,563 I'm a big boy, Marcy. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy again. 415 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,816 And if that means letting you go, that's what I will do. 416 00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:01,193 Just you watch. 417 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,122 Ow! 418 00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:15,249 What the fuck is wrong with you? 419 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,001 What happened to letting me go? 420 00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:19,628 I don't know. It's hard. 421 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,178 It sure is. 422 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,305 Do that again. 423 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:48,199 ? Come down off your throne 424 00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:53,120 ? And leave your body alone 425 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:57,458 ? Somebody must change 426 00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:05,758 ? You are the reason I've been waiting so long 427 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:10,304 ? Somebody holds the key 428 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:14,016 ? Well, I'm near the end 429 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:19,605 ? And I just ain't got the time 430 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:28,280 ? And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home ? 431 00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:31,242 Hey, what's up, baby blanket? 432 00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:36,080 (Sighs) I can't seem to drag my ass out of bed this morning. 433 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:39,792 I don't know. How 'bout you? Can't sleep? 434 00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:44,255 No. That bed's awfully big without you and your smoking-hot ass. 435 00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:48,217 That's funny, cos you never seem to have much of a problem 436 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,428 getting someone to share a bed with you. 437 00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:54,723 Yeah, well, they ain't you, lady. 438 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:57,059 So what can I do for you? 439 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,395 That's easy. You just tell me 440 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:03,065 that despite all the seemingly shitty things I do, I'm still a good person. 441 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:07,027 Oh, my, you are having a dark night of the soul. 442 00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:11,198 I'm just not liking myself very much lately, 443 00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:13,242 and we're fresh out of booze. 444 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:17,121 Otherwise I'd sleeping like a drunk marmoset right now. 445 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:19,415 So what, you want me to hear your confession 446 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,459 and absolve you of all your sins? 447 00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:26,088 (Sighs) That's kinda hard to do when I don't know what you're up to out there. 448 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,049 - Want me to give you the gory deets? - God, no. 449 00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:32,803 I mean, that's the beauty of being so far away. 450 00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:36,056 I don't need to listen to the gory deets any more. 451 00:24:36,099 --> 00:24:38,851 - But thank you. - Mm... 452 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:41,729 You make me feel better. 453 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,814 It's what I do. 454 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:51,030 Listen, much as I would love to soul-search with you, I need to go. 455 00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,867 I get it. It's time to make the doughnuts, right? 456 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,579 You still love me? 457 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,958 Always. That's the problem. 458 00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:06,879 Gospel. Have a good day. 459 00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,422 Get some sleep, sinner. 460 00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:11,509 Give that little rapscallion a kiss for me, OK? 461 00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:12,885 Will do, bugaboo. 462 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,273 Top of the morning to you, Miss Robinson. 463 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:28,526 And you too, Mr Moody. 464 00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:30,778 And just so you know, I've been thinking about it, 465 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:33,489 and I don't think we can be friends any more. 466 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,534 - Oh, really? That's too bad. - Not necessarily. 467 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,745 I'm not wearing any underwear. 468 00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:49,588 Professor, would you mind terribly if I audit your class this morning? 469 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:52,132 I was thinking you could probably teach me a thing or two 470 00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:56,178 about life, love, the pursuit of happiness. 471 00:25:57,430 --> 00:25:59,723 I'm sorry I'm late, Teach. 472 00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:03,227 Hot date. You know, up all night thinking about it. 473 00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:09,233 Just keep on replaying it over and over and over in my mind.