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Previously on Californication...
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My dirty little whore of a nose
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is sorry that she let you down.
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I wanna fix this, Charlie.
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Come on, say it, baby, say it.
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I'm getting fucked by Rick Springfield.
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Do you want to, um,
go up to my room,
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and listen to some records?
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- Only if they're mine.
- Church.
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You're my student.
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Not anymore, I'm not.
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I offered myself to you,
and you weren't interested.
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If only I could have just
had one little nibble.
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Oh!
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I'm in love with you, Hank Moody.
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Whoa!
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Were you sleeping with your T.A.
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the whole time
you were sleeping with me?
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What? Your dad's fucking my mom!
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So what, you're saying
we just pack up and leave L.A.?
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The three of us move back
to New York, together?
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Yeah. End of the semester. Whatever.
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Oh, hey!
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Go ahead. You've earned the right.
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Can't deny this privilege.
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Fire my ass.
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Oh, I'm not planning to fire you.
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Come again?
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Unfortunately, not a
single one of the ladies
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that you so egregiously fouled
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has agreed to stand up
and press formal charges against you.
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And without that, the matter ends here.
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You win, Hank Moody. I admit defeat.
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Not even my wife will
say a bad word about you.
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Or should I say ex-wife?
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Just this morning, she
requested I vacate the premises.
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- Oh, no, she didn't!
- Oh, yes, she did.
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No, you can't... you can't kick
the Dean out of the deanery.
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That shit is wrong.
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You've gotta get that woman back.
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I can help you. What
do you want me to do?
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Just ask me.
Ask me... what can I do?
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Okay, I've got a question for you.
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- You...
- No, not now.
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Hold on, I got a call.
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Oh. M. Flower. I don't
recognize that number.
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- M...
- I don't need to take it.
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Mayflower, moron.
Mayflower School for girls.
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- That call could be important!
- Oh!
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- Hank Moody.
- Stacy Koons.
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Yes, I'll, uh... I'll
hold for Principal Green
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on a disciplinary matter.
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I will also hold for Principal Green.
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Oh, this is Principal Green.
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I'm handling it here.
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I got it. Uh-Huh.
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I'm listening. A fight? Oh...
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a disagreement, you mean, an argument.
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- Oh, that kind of fight.
- What kind of fight?
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A physical confrontation. Hmm.
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Ah, yeah. That's my girl.
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{ ad(100,300)}CALIFORNICATION
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{ ad(100,300)}Season 3, episode 9
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I assure you that expulsion
is not a step we take lightly.
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- Expulsion?
- Hey, slow down, Dean Koons!
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It's not so much fun here
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on the other side of the desk, is it?
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Yes, Stacy, let's just wait and see
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what Principal Green has to say.
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She's such a kiss-ass!
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After all, she didn't
say that both girls...
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Oh, no, they're both being expelled.
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We have a zero-tolerance policy
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on violence here at
the Mayflower School.
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We've just never had to apply it before,
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since most of our young
ladies have been taught
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not to resort to physical violence
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as a means of expression.
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Mm-hmm. So... hey, let's look
at the bright side here.
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We're making history.
Big ups for women's rights.
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You know what? This is wrong.
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There is just no way that
Becca would hit anyone.
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Right. Not without being provoked.
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We're not a family that
takes shit lying down.
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There, see, he just admitted
it was Becca's fault.
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- I did not.
- Did too.
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- I didn't. I didn't.
- Did too. Did.
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Principal Green,
I'm sure that there's no need
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to take drastic action
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that might impact the
girls' academic future.
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Chelsea was clearly upset yesterday
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because her father was moving out.
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I tried to explain to her
that it wasn't Hank's fault.
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What? What's she talking about?
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I don't know. She has that accent...
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- I'm so sorry.
- Hank's fault?
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You didn't tell her.
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Tell me what?
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Becca's father and I had a
slight, well, indiscretion
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that may have contributed...
indirectly, though...
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to the girls' little kafuffle.
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She's kidding, right? You
have got to be kidding me.
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He fucks my wife,
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I somehow ended up sleeping
at the faculty club.
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Oh, Stacy, you're making
this worse than it has to be.
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- I don't think so.
- Karen...
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You! You... you say one word to me,
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and I will show you where
Becca learned to throw down.
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Hey, there, Minnie Mouse.
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Whoa! Shouldn't you be
dressed and ready for action?
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I mean waxin'. Action waxin'.
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Ha ha. You get it? It rhymes.
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Action waxin'.
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Bite me.
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Still no call from Rick Springfield.
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You don't have to sound
so chipper about it.
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The man's been in Tahoe
for the past three days.
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I know, I know.
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That was a huge show for him.
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He's probably just
decompressing right now.
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Sure, sure.
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Or maybe...
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he's trying to tell you something.
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You know, this could be
a blessing in disguise, really.
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He'll call.
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Maybe.
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Or... maybe not.
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You know, maybe Rick Springfield
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not calling you for three days
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is his way of saying that
he doesn't see the real you,
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that he doesn't, uh,
value your essential
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woman-ness and so forth.
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Oh, my God, would you please
mind your own business, Runkle?
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Hey, Rick Springfield is my business.
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He's my client, for Christ sakes.
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You know, I'll tell
you something, Marce.
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I have seen some things,
okay, up close and personal,
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some strangely fucked-up shit, huh?
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That guy... he's not the
biggest friend to women.
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Oh...
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and you're frigging
Bella Abzug over here.
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Far from it.
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No, I totally get it...
I'm dating my dream crush...
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hitting my peak sexually,
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this close to selling
this frigid box of a house,
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and moving on with my life,
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and you just don't want
me to be happy, Charlie.
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Of course I want you to be happy, Marcy.
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God, I mean, look,
we're talking here, okay?
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I miss this. I miss us.
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Do you know how long it's been
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since I've heard you say
those three little words?
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Eat my clam?
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Eat my clam...
No, no, not eat my clam.
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I love you.
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I don't mean to get a
bee in my bonnet, babe.
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I just... I don't wanna
see you waste your life
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waiting for a phone call
that might never come.
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Oh, it's coming, fool.
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And by the way, my gay uncle called.
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He wants his expressions back.
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Guess it's homeschooling after all.
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Well, you better hope that
he remembers his algebra,
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because you definitely won't be going
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to a New York private school after this.
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Well, obviously, she was provoked.
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Yes. She called you a home wrecker...
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which you are.
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Yet somehow that didn't stop me
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from shoving her into
the vending machine.
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Then the hitting began.
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Satisfied?
172
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Hank, I asked you to do one thing.
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Look after Becca.
How hard is that?
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Hard. Real hard.
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I understand that now.
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Well, it couldn't have
been that hard, could it?
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What's that supposed to mean?
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You know what that means.
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You're mad about Felicia?
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No. I would not give
you the satisfaction
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00:07:59,999 --> 00:08:01,500
of being mad about Felicia.
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I don't know how
satisfying that would be.
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You know what? While I'm
working my ass off in New York,
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you start some kind of relationship
185
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with the most annoying
woman on the planet,
186
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who also happens to be the
mother of Becca's best friend
187
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and your boss! What is...
188
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It's not a relationship,
Karen, far from it.
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You know that.
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She was just looking
to sleep with someone...
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anyone... get her groove back,
192
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get back at the Dean,
and I... I didn't want to.
193
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I thought it was a bad idea.
You know, it seemed wrong to me.
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We don't like to get involved
in other people's marital woes,
195
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'cause we've been there.
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That's some sad, messed-up shit,
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00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:33,152
and I wanted to keep us out of it.
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00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:35,622
Oh, you did a really good job
of not getting involved, Hank.
199
00:08:35,656 --> 00:08:37,591
Well, I did, at first. I refused.
200
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:40,210
But then she was gonna call in
her chip with this other dude,
201
00:08:40,261 --> 00:08:42,330
this Mr. Zipless fuck,
a real cheeseball...
202
00:08:42,348 --> 00:08:44,165
You know what? Out.
203
00:08:44,183 --> 00:08:45,767
What? What?
204
00:08:45,801 --> 00:08:47,886
I don't want to hear
about Felicia and her...
205
00:08:47,937 --> 00:08:49,304
- ... midlife crisis, okay?
- Okay.
206
00:08:49,338 --> 00:08:51,891
Do you have any idea how
fucking infuriating you are?
207
00:08:51,942 --> 00:08:53,776
Yes. Yes, I do.
208
00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:55,361
I'm just trying to fill you in
209
00:08:55,395 --> 00:08:57,062
on what happened while you were away.
210
00:08:57,113 --> 00:09:00,951
Leave now, okay?
I need... I need peace, Hank.
211
00:09:00,985 --> 00:09:02,652
You must have something to do,
212
00:09:02,703 --> 00:09:04,654
I... I mean some... papers to grade,
213
00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,190
some fucking marijuana to smoke,
214
00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:09,160
hey, some students to fuck.
215
00:09:09,194 --> 00:09:13,248
What? So... so you'd be
totally fine if I, uh...
216
00:09:14,384 --> 00:09:16,368
Uhh!
217
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,778
Oh. Pipes of a fucking angel.
218
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,113
You know, I gotta take this down
219
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,498
and play it for the
girls at the orphanage.
220
00:09:43,532 --> 00:09:44,867
Right on.
221
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:46,902
Hey, I'm doing a
children's charity concert
222
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,371
at, uh, the Grove Thursday night.
223
00:09:48,405 --> 00:09:51,507
Yeah, half the proceeds go
to, uh, juvenile diabetes.
224
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,577
What?
225
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,413
Um, I'm speechless.
226
00:09:56,431 --> 00:09:58,915
Girls at the orphanage?
Juvenile diabetes?
227
00:09:58,933 --> 00:10:00,584
Who are you two, and what have you done
228
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:02,253
with the nymphomaniacal sociopaths
229
00:10:02,271 --> 00:10:03,921
I've grown to love and loathe?
230
00:10:03,939 --> 00:10:05,923
Sorry to burst your bubble, Runkle.
231
00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:09,061
- I'm a complicated beast.
- Me too.
232
00:10:09,095 --> 00:10:10,595
Plus, you know, charity
events are like ground zero
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00:10:10,613 --> 00:10:11,730
for single pussy.
234
00:10:11,764 --> 00:10:13,115
And he's back.
235
00:10:13,149 --> 00:10:14,767
Hey, you should have seen me in Tahoe.
236
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,786
Two nights, six chicks... no rubbers.
237
00:10:16,821 --> 00:10:19,789
Bravo, Rick. Bravo.
238
00:10:19,824 --> 00:10:22,609
Safety first, I always say, of course.
239
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:24,078
But then again,
240
00:10:24,112 --> 00:10:25,913
I'm not the one who's currently having
241
00:10:25,947 --> 00:10:28,582
intimate relations with my wife.
242
00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:31,136
Oh, can it, Runkle. Life's messy.
243
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:32,787
You better clean up your game, gonzo...
244
00:10:32,805 --> 00:10:34,673
the womanizing, the boozing.
245
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,292
If you won't do it for Marcy,
at least do it for your career.
246
00:10:37,310 --> 00:10:40,463
We have landed you the
comeback vehicle of a lifetime.
247
00:10:40,481 --> 00:10:42,598
Please don't fuck it up.
248
00:10:42,632 --> 00:10:44,233
Hey, please don't use
the "C" word, all right?
249
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,136
I'm not coming back from anything.
250
00:10:46,154 --> 00:10:48,856
That reminds me... I need some blow.
251
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,493
Sorry?
252
00:10:52,577 --> 00:10:54,329
Dude, you heard me.
253
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,997
Some blow, some yay, some white girl,
254
00:10:56,032 --> 00:10:57,315
some powder, some cake.
255
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:58,783
I start filming tomorrow.
256
00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:00,835
It's my last chance to
get fucked out of my mind.
257
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:02,788
All due respect, '80s rock star,
258
00:11:02,822 --> 00:11:05,541
I think you'd have a better
line on cocaine than I would.
259
00:11:05,592 --> 00:11:06,509
So?
260
00:11:06,593 --> 00:11:07,826
So why are you asking me
261
00:11:07,844 --> 00:11:10,213
to procure you drugs
like I'm your assistant?
262
00:11:10,264 --> 00:11:13,166
Gee, uh, let me see.
Because I fucking can.
263
00:11:13,184 --> 00:11:16,002
I don't think I like your tone, bud,
264
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:18,056
not one little bit.
265
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:21,675
9:00 p.m., my trailer on set.
266
00:11:21,685 --> 00:11:24,178
Okay?
267
00:11:27,617 --> 00:11:30,685
Aw, Christ, Runkle!
268
00:11:30,703 --> 00:11:31,853
Sack up!
269
00:11:31,871 --> 00:11:33,540
If a client asks you
270
00:11:33,574 --> 00:11:36,326
to dress up like a french
maid and rim his shit-hole,
271
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,912
you comply, with bells on, huh?
272
00:11:38,963 --> 00:11:41,549
I would hook him up myself,
but my guy's in Thailand...
273
00:11:41,583 --> 00:11:45,002
Just some sex tourism,
something like that, anyway.
274
00:11:45,036 --> 00:11:46,637
So this one's on you.
275
00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:47,756
Oh. Almost forgot.
276
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,391
Here.
277
00:11:49,425 --> 00:11:51,510
Annual bonus.
278
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,096
Don't spend it all
in one place, ladyboy.
279
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,155
This does seem mighty small.
280
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,857
I think I got a bigger bonus check
281
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,492
when I worked at Blockbuster in '91.
282
00:12:05,527 --> 00:12:07,444
Wait, wait. Be kind, rewind.
283
00:12:07,529 --> 00:12:08,912
Hank Moody worked at Blockbuster?
284
00:12:08,947 --> 00:12:11,566
Yeah. Yeah, I had the khakis,
the tucked-in polo.
285
00:12:11,584 --> 00:12:13,067
The whole thing.
286
00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:15,036
I used to splice porn
into the Disney films.
287
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:17,071
Of course you did.
288
00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:18,674
But back to you.
289
00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:21,427
How does this all make you feel...
290
00:12:21,461 --> 00:12:23,963
... emotionally?
291
00:12:24,014 --> 00:12:25,214
Wow.
292
00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:28,185
Well...
293
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:30,086
... between my sad little bonus check
294
00:12:30,104 --> 00:12:32,222
and my new position
as Rick Springfield's
295
00:12:32,256 --> 00:12:33,756
drug dealer/pimp,
296
00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:38,062
I would have to say
I feel like shit emotionally.
297
00:12:38,096 --> 00:12:41,098
Enough! I've grown tired of
your jibber-jabber, Runkle.
298
00:12:41,116 --> 00:12:43,068
My turn. Let's switch it up!
299
00:12:48,408 --> 00:12:49,459
Oh...
300
00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:51,828
Becca got expelled.
301
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,497
She went all Leon Spinks
on her BFF (Best Friends Forever).
302
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:55,832
Really?
303
00:12:55,883 --> 00:12:58,969
Is it creepy that I find
that mildly arousing?
304
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:02,007
- Yes.
- Continue!
305
00:13:02,017 --> 00:13:04,058
Karen is livid, as well she should be.
306
00:13:04,092 --> 00:13:06,294
I honestly don't know how
it all got so out of hand.
307
00:13:06,312 --> 00:13:08,180
Chelsea and Becca were thick as thieves,
308
00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:09,731
once upon a time, like you and me.
309
00:13:09,765 --> 00:13:11,850
The Dean's been kicked
out of the deanery.
310
00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:13,469
Felicia did that, and that ain't right.
311
00:13:13,487 --> 00:13:14,637
And I should be happy.
312
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:16,138
I know I should,
313
00:13:16,156 --> 00:13:18,991
because we're all packing up
and moving to New York soon.
314
00:13:23,314 --> 00:13:24,948
Are you weeping?
315
00:13:27,118 --> 00:13:29,153
I need cocaine!
316
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:34,042
- And this concerns me how?
- I don't know!
317
00:13:34,093 --> 00:13:35,126
Mm.
318
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,496
I just... I might get fired!
319
00:13:37,514 --> 00:13:39,515
Collini doesn't give a shit about me.
320
00:13:39,549 --> 00:13:41,333
Marcy... Marcy, she's
a fucking stranger.
321
00:13:41,351 --> 00:13:44,721
No one takes care of me!
322
00:13:44,772 --> 00:13:46,306
And now you, you're leaving me too.
323
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,608
You're moving back to New York.
324
00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:56,117
Come here!
325
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,956
Big boy.
326
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,658
Uh, sorry.
327
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:06,629
Am I interrupting something,
Professor Moody?
328
00:14:06,664 --> 00:14:08,915
Nah. Just a complete
psychological breakdown.
329
00:14:08,966 --> 00:14:10,416
I'm just picking up my essay.
330
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,034
Jill said she graded them.
331
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,972
- Rock on.
- Oh.
332
00:14:17,342 --> 00:14:20,043
Oh, and you should
hit up Dave Edelstein.
333
00:14:20,061 --> 00:14:21,712
Kind of a douche,
334
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:25,016
but his coke is the fucking truth.
335
00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:31,557
What? It's a great study aid.
336
00:14:31,742 --> 00:14:34,160
Plus, it suppresses my gag reflex.
337
00:14:34,194 --> 00:14:37,229
Good for... you know.
338
00:14:37,247 --> 00:14:41,835
Noted. And dismissed.
339
00:14:41,869 --> 00:14:44,454
Shotgun?
340
00:14:49,378 --> 00:14:52,246
They're not gonna hear that.
341
00:14:52,264 --> 00:14:54,406
An unreliable drug
dealer, the fucking gall.
342
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:56,135
All right, well. We tried, right?
343
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,586
- I gave it a shot.
- That's you trying?
344
00:14:57,604 --> 00:14:58,754
What?
345
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,757
No wonder my last book didn't sell.
346
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,475
- Aeeeii!
- Cheese it, the cops.
347
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,397
Oh, unlocked...
348
00:15:07,431 --> 00:15:10,568
Go, go!
349
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:19,127
Come on!
350
00:15:26,119 --> 00:15:27,220
Ha ha!
351
00:15:27,254 --> 00:15:29,472
Bleah!
352
00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:32,259
Oh, a fleshlight... stealthy, secure.
353
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,311
I hate to say it,
but it's highly likely.
354
00:15:34,346 --> 00:15:38,098
Maybe in the labia. Vas definitely.
355
00:15:38,132 --> 00:15:40,402
- I would, uh, check it out.
- Oh, shit!
356
00:15:40,436 --> 00:15:43,738
Looks a little like you. Check it.
357
00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:45,490
Go deep. Dig in.
358
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:47,476
Get in there.
359
00:15:49,446 --> 00:15:52,314
Oh, Charlie.
360
00:15:52,332 --> 00:15:54,750
Ah! Goddamn it. It's sticky inside.
361
00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:56,286
What are you laughing at?
362
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,505
'Cause I know where it is, numb nuts.
363
00:15:58,539 --> 00:15:59,756
Go.
364
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,991
Fucking hell.
365
00:16:02,009 --> 00:16:04,345
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
366
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,331
Go ahead!
I had a few when I was a kid.
367
00:16:07,349 --> 00:16:09,801
They're... they're like
sweethearts with scales.
368
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,272
- Just do it.
- What is dis?
369
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:17,443
Okay. You're not such a
bad boy, really, are you?
370
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,612
No...
371
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,531
You're a good little boy.
372
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:23,867
That's a good boy.
373
00:16:26,822 --> 00:16:28,489
- Ow! Fuck! Ah! God!
- Runkle, shit!
374
00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:29,707
What the fuck, Runkle?
375
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:31,292
That fucking thing fed upon me!
376
00:16:31,326 --> 00:16:33,962
That fucking goddamn
monster fucking ate my flesh.
377
00:16:33,996 --> 00:16:36,131
Oh, shit. Jesus Christ,
what if it's poisonous?
378
00:16:36,165 --> 00:16:38,216
I think I... I feel
my heart slowing down.
379
00:16:38,251 --> 00:16:40,585
Oh, my God, I think
something weird is happening.
380
00:16:40,636 --> 00:16:41,804
Is there?
381
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,539
You're becoming an even bigger pussy!
382
00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:45,141
It's a garter snake. It's
an overgrown earthworm.
383
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:46,142
You're fine.
384
00:16:46,176 --> 00:16:47,343
Excuse me.
385
00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:49,146
IDs now.
386
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,315
Oh, well, actually, we're
just... we're just visiting.
387
00:16:51,349 --> 00:16:54,234
- Yeah? Who you visiting?
- His, uh... His, uh, cousin.
388
00:16:54,269 --> 00:16:55,652
- Yeah.
- Lover. His nephew.
389
00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:57,388
David Edelstein.
390
00:16:57,406 --> 00:16:59,724
David Edelstein.
391
00:16:59,742 --> 00:17:02,076
Runkle. Runkle.
392
00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:07,399
Run, Runkle!
393
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,401
Oh, I'm sorry.
394
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,904
Jeez. Okay. Sorry. Sorry.
395
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:15,542
Oh, sorry, sorry.
396
00:17:21,884 --> 00:17:22,850
Oh!
397
00:17:22,885 --> 00:17:24,051
That's my left ball!
398
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,353
That's my right ball.
399
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:27,355
No! Not the glans!
400
00:17:27,389 --> 00:17:30,392
Runkle, save yourself. Run!
401
00:17:30,426 --> 00:17:32,728
Easy on the cuffs there, bad lieutenant.
402
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:35,113
- You're making a big mistake.
- Save it for the cops.
403
00:17:35,148 --> 00:17:36,900
You know, I'm very tight with the Dean.
404
00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:38,735
He will not be pleased
when he hears about this.
405
00:17:38,769 --> 00:17:40,737
- You're friends with the Dean?
- I fucked his wife.
406
00:17:40,771 --> 00:17:41,738
Oh!
407
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,709
What, no dinner?
408
00:17:45,744 --> 00:17:48,662
Oh. I didn't think you'd be hungry.
409
00:17:48,713 --> 00:17:50,464
I'm not.
410
00:17:50,499 --> 00:17:53,385
No, me neither.
411
00:17:53,419 --> 00:17:55,971
Hey! Would you look at that?
412
00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:58,056
We have something in common.
413
00:17:58,090 --> 00:18:00,760
That, and we're both pissed at him.
414
00:18:00,794 --> 00:18:02,011
I'm not pissed at him,
415
00:18:02,062 --> 00:18:03,930
because it would not be
appropriate for me to be...
416
00:18:03,964 --> 00:18:05,264
Mother.
417
00:18:05,298 --> 00:18:06,483
Daughter.
418
00:18:06,568 --> 00:18:08,569
I just wanna know what
the fuck is going on
419
00:18:08,603 --> 00:18:09,803
with my own life.
420
00:18:09,821 --> 00:18:12,072
Yep. That seems reasonable.
421
00:18:12,106 --> 00:18:14,025
Basic, simple things.
422
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:15,776
Where am I going to school?
423
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:19,280
Is he living with us?
Is he not living with us?
424
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:21,616
Is someone in charge here, anyone?
425
00:18:21,651 --> 00:18:24,370
Or are we just going on
in this fucked-up limbo
426
00:18:24,421 --> 00:18:25,821
forever and ever?
427
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:28,624
Sweetie, I know, I know
it doesn't make any sense.
428
00:18:28,658 --> 00:18:31,795
You can't sweetie me. I'm
not six years old anymore.
429
00:18:31,829 --> 00:18:34,631
- I need real answers.
- I know.
430
00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:36,466
You're right, I'm sorry. I...
431
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,769
and I know that's nowhere near enough.
432
00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:40,137
I...
433
00:18:40,171 --> 00:18:42,523
You see, I had a plan.
434
00:18:42,558 --> 00:18:45,176
I did.
435
00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:47,946
But it just didn't work out
the way I thought it would.
436
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:51,783
Oh, you thought he'd do a
good job of being in charge?
437
00:18:51,818 --> 00:18:53,352
Right.
438
00:18:55,956 --> 00:18:58,124
I have an idea. Let's get outta here.
439
00:18:58,158 --> 00:18:59,742
We've been cooped up all day long.
440
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,161
We need fresh air.
441
00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:02,880
Whatever.
442
00:19:02,914 --> 00:19:05,666
That was kind of a yes, wasn't it?
443
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,887
Come with me.
444
00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:46,746
Hey, man.
445
00:19:46,764 --> 00:19:49,716
You... you're really
hanging out down there, Rick.
446
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:53,770
Yeah. I like to free-ball
with my eight ball.
447
00:19:53,804 --> 00:19:55,940
Evidently.
448
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:02,731
Jesus.
449
00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:04,449
Okay. Look, Rick.
450
00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:07,069
Before I, uh, hand over the goods,
451
00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,436
I just... I really feel like
452
00:20:08,454 --> 00:20:10,106
I need to get something off my chest.
453
00:20:10,124 --> 00:20:11,440
All right, Charlie. It's okay.
454
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,610
I... I was out of line today. I'm sorry.
455
00:20:14,628 --> 00:20:16,713
I mean, you're my agent.
You're not my errand boy.
456
00:20:16,747 --> 00:20:20,467
Wow! I'm... I'm surprised.
457
00:20:20,502 --> 00:20:23,253
Well, okay. Uh, thank you, Rick.
458
00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:24,805
- I appreciate that.
- Okay. So?
459
00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:27,842
- Coca!
- Absolutely.
460
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,761
I'm just... I'm very
thirsty. It was a long trip.
461
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,649
I see you got a cooler.
I need some refreshment.
462
00:20:40,808 --> 00:20:43,777
Where is she?
463
00:20:43,811 --> 00:20:46,646
Marcy, where are you? I
know you're in here, Marcy.
464
00:20:48,282 --> 00:20:52,336
Uh-Oh.
465
00:20:52,371 --> 00:20:54,122
I don't know what shocks me more...
466
00:20:54,156 --> 00:20:57,292
The fact that you've obviously
completely replaced me
467
00:20:57,326 --> 00:21:01,096
or that you jeopardize your
sobriety for this fuckwit!
468
00:21:01,131 --> 00:21:04,000
Oh! This fuckwit...
469
00:21:04,018 --> 00:21:05,835
happens to be one of the kindest,
470
00:21:05,853 --> 00:21:08,471
gentlest lovers I've ever known.
471
00:21:08,505 --> 00:21:11,057
Ha! Yeah, I know a couple
of strippers out there
472
00:21:11,108 --> 00:21:13,177
who might dispute that assessment.
473
00:21:13,195 --> 00:21:16,814
Hey, watch it, Runkle.
Gimme my fucking blow!
474
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:26,041
Ha ha ha ha ha!
475
00:21:26,075 --> 00:21:27,910
Oh, shit!
476
00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,662
You looking to get your ass fired?
477
00:21:29,696 --> 00:21:31,664
- That's not possible.
- Really? Why is that?
478
00:21:31,698 --> 00:21:33,132
Because I fire you first! That's right.
479
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:35,335
I don't care how much
business you bring in.
480
00:21:35,369 --> 00:21:38,138
You're an emotional fucking
albatross, Rick Springfield,
481
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:39,306
and I'm through with you!
482
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,924
Charlie, perspective.
483
00:21:40,975 --> 00:21:44,712
You wanna go back to slinging
beemers in the Valley?
484
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,720
Maybe I got carried away.
485
00:21:51,738 --> 00:21:54,106
- What I meant to say is...
- Ha ha ha ha.
486
00:21:54,157 --> 00:21:57,193
No, no, no, no.
It's too late, fucker.
487
00:21:57,227 --> 00:21:58,495
You're dead to me.
488
00:21:58,529 --> 00:22:00,113
And you can tell that old cooze Collini
489
00:22:00,164 --> 00:22:01,748
that the whole Harry Greenberg agency
490
00:22:01,783 --> 00:22:03,399
is fuckin' dead to me too.
491
00:22:03,417 --> 00:22:05,118
Fuck you!
492
00:22:05,169 --> 00:22:08,405
And... and fuck your Z3
and fuck your dumb bald head
493
00:22:08,423 --> 00:22:10,925
and your small, shitty life!
494
00:22:10,959 --> 00:22:13,377
Now, gimme my blow and
get the fuck outta here!
495
00:22:13,411 --> 00:22:14,797
Gladly.
496
00:22:14,848 --> 00:22:17,216
Oh! Ah!
497
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:19,351
Shit! What the fuck?
498
00:22:21,972 --> 00:22:23,923
Like your dream crush now, Marcy?
499
00:22:23,941 --> 00:22:25,225
Damn it!
500
00:22:25,259 --> 00:22:28,094
It's like watching a figure skater fall.
501
00:22:28,112 --> 00:22:30,931
Come on, baby, let's go.
We're getting out of here.
502
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:47,967
Incoming, boom, boom.
503
00:22:48,001 --> 00:22:51,304
Boom! And the little bird said...
504
00:22:51,338 --> 00:22:53,056
Dad!
505
00:22:53,091 --> 00:22:54,725
Oh! Oh, yes.
506
00:22:54,759 --> 00:22:56,760
I thought you hated Chelsea.
507
00:22:56,794 --> 00:22:59,129
Well, since when did
you care what I think?
508
00:22:59,147 --> 00:23:02,466
Anyway, the point is to
say what you wanted to say.
509
00:23:02,484 --> 00:23:04,936
Come on.
510
00:23:06,972 --> 00:23:08,490
Knock, knock.
511
00:23:08,525 --> 00:23:10,976
Don't be afraid. We come in peace.
512
00:23:10,994 --> 00:23:12,912
Hello! Chelsea!
513
00:23:12,946 --> 00:23:15,749
Look who's here! Come on in.
514
00:23:15,783 --> 00:23:17,117
- I see.
- Thank you!
515
00:23:17,151 --> 00:23:19,252
I'm just not sure I give a shit.
516
00:23:19,287 --> 00:23:21,087
I guess that's what passes for a welcome
517
00:23:21,122 --> 00:23:22,655
around here these days.
518
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,293
I just came to say I'm sorry
519
00:23:25,327 --> 00:23:27,828
for punching you in the face.
520
00:23:27,846 --> 00:23:30,014
And calling you a stupid twat.
521
00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:33,769
- I was highly emotional.
- Aw, look at that!
522
00:23:33,803 --> 00:23:37,005
Rapprochement... it's my
favorite part of any war.
523
00:23:37,023 --> 00:23:40,109
Why don't you and Becca
go up to your room?
524
00:23:40,144 --> 00:23:42,645
It's not necessary, okay, dad?
525
00:23:42,679 --> 00:23:44,447
- I'll finish dinner.
- It's fine.
526
00:23:44,481 --> 00:23:46,450
Now, if you two don't mind,
527
00:23:46,484 --> 00:23:49,703
I'm enjoying some quality
time with my dad...
528
00:23:49,738 --> 00:23:52,489
before he checks into
the heartbreak hotel.
529
00:23:52,523 --> 00:23:55,460
We know. We've been there already.
530
00:23:55,494 --> 00:23:57,695
Oh, come on, now, you don't
have to make it sound so dour.
531
00:23:57,713 --> 00:24:00,465
Well, that's a nice try,
but you want my opinion?
532
00:24:00,499 --> 00:24:02,301
It's so much better not to lie to them,
533
00:24:02,336 --> 00:24:05,004
because they kinda know
when things are shitty.
534
00:24:05,038 --> 00:24:07,139
I... I don't know that
things are all that...
535
00:24:07,174 --> 00:24:09,843
They're shitty, dad. Face it.
536
00:24:09,877 --> 00:24:11,878
All thanks to you know who.
537
00:24:11,896 --> 00:24:15,682
Look, it'd be nice if we could
blame Hank for all of this,
538
00:24:15,733 --> 00:24:17,218
but the fact of the matter is,
539
00:24:17,236 --> 00:24:18,903
it's just... it's more
complicated than that.
540
00:24:18,938 --> 00:24:21,739
I'm not talking about
Hank. I'm talking about mom.
541
00:24:21,774 --> 00:24:24,826
She's making a complete ass of herself.
542
00:24:24,860 --> 00:24:26,662
Well, that's true.
543
00:24:26,696 --> 00:24:27,746
I'm going to my room.
544
00:24:27,781 --> 00:24:29,564
That's where I'll be, in case,
545
00:24:29,582 --> 00:24:33,286
I don't know, you want to
apologize further or something.
546
00:24:35,289 --> 00:24:37,340
You know, I'm sure she doesn't mean it.
547
00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:39,759
Go on. Take a shot.
548
00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:43,597
You'll be okay.
549
00:24:51,391 --> 00:24:53,275
You know how we could really get back
550
00:24:53,309 --> 00:24:56,946
at those significant others
of ours, the two of us?
551
00:24:56,947 --> 00:24:58,731
If we made love...
552
00:24:58,765 --> 00:25:01,734
that would really piss 'em off.
553
00:25:01,785 --> 00:25:03,603
- Huh?
- Oh, wow.
554
00:25:03,621 --> 00:25:05,406
- Becca!
- Too soon?
555
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,577
You're right. It's too soon.
556
00:25:07,587 --> 00:25:09,276
My heart needs to heal.
557
00:25:09,294 --> 00:25:11,963
Hell, I'm not even sure
the little dean is up to it,
558
00:25:11,998 --> 00:25:13,548
you know.
559
00:25:13,582 --> 00:25:17,135
- How 'bout a glass of wine?
- Sold.
560
00:25:17,169 --> 00:25:19,621
Free at last!
561
00:25:19,639 --> 00:25:21,474
You know, the air, it just smells better
562
00:25:21,475 --> 00:25:22,925
after you've been in the big house.
563
00:25:22,959 --> 00:25:24,477
Thanks for doing this, by the way.
564
00:25:24,511 --> 00:25:25,761
I can't believe you didn't have
565
00:25:25,795 --> 00:25:27,647
anything better to do with your evening.
566
00:25:27,682 --> 00:25:30,100
Couldn't very well let
you rot in there, could I?
567
00:25:30,134 --> 00:25:31,651
Well, it's been done.
568
00:25:31,686 --> 00:25:33,687
Well, I'm the one who made
the brilliant mistake...
569
00:25:33,738 --> 00:25:35,573
- ... of hiring you.
- Yes, you did.
570
00:25:35,607 --> 00:25:37,475
And I never give up on
my brilliant mistakes.
571
00:25:37,493 --> 00:25:39,143
I see them through to the bitter end.
572
00:25:39,161 --> 00:25:40,277
Is that where we are?
573
00:25:40,329 --> 00:25:41,829
Because I... I knew
I recognized the place.
574
00:25:41,864 --> 00:25:44,166
I don't regret any of it, you know,
575
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,170
despite the humiliation,
gossiping in the department,
576
00:25:48,204 --> 00:25:49,705
or the end of my marriage.
577
00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:52,292
Shit. You gonna go through
with this divorce thing?
578
00:25:52,326 --> 00:25:54,294
Sure. It's a wonderful
feeling, you know,
579
00:25:54,328 --> 00:25:56,012
once you realize that
it's all behind you,
580
00:25:56,047 --> 00:25:59,266
all that bitterness,
and anguish, and torment.
581
00:25:59,301 --> 00:26:00,768
Mm.
582
00:26:00,802 --> 00:26:02,803
I don't know, I, uh...
I've been there.
583
00:26:02,837 --> 00:26:04,838
I have.
But it wasn't like that for me.
584
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,391
It was more like having
585
00:26:06,442 --> 00:26:09,478
a giant hole ripped in my universe.
586
00:26:09,512 --> 00:26:11,846
Yeah, but you never
actually let go, did you?
587
00:26:11,864 --> 00:26:13,682
It's the pain that
holds people together,
588
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,568
the need to hurt one another.
589
00:26:15,619 --> 00:26:17,236
Once that's gone, there's nothing left.
590
00:26:17,287 --> 00:26:18,905
Nothing worth saving, anyway.
591
00:26:18,956 --> 00:26:21,291
I don't accept that.
Where's the love, lady?
592
00:26:21,326 --> 00:26:23,744
- The love?
- Yes. Where it be located?
593
00:26:23,795 --> 00:26:25,579
To misquote a '70s soul classic:
594
00:26:25,630 --> 00:26:27,831
"Don't make me go
Roberta Flack on your ass!"
595
00:26:27,865 --> 00:26:30,051
That's love, torturing each other?
596
00:26:30,086 --> 00:26:31,503
Half in, half out?
597
00:26:31,537 --> 00:26:33,538
Torture. That sounds like love to me.
598
00:26:33,556 --> 00:26:35,306
Well, you go on believing
that if you like.
599
00:26:35,341 --> 00:26:37,810
I like. That shit's romantic.
600
00:26:37,844 --> 00:26:39,845
I've had quite enough
torture for one lifetime.
601
00:26:39,879 --> 00:26:42,648
Oh, enough with doing the right thing.
602
00:26:42,682 --> 00:26:44,985
I never thought you'd be
one of those types, you know?
603
00:26:45,186 --> 00:26:46,603
The ones who suffer in silence.
604
00:26:46,654 --> 00:26:49,106
No, I'm not.
I... I suffer very loudly.
605
00:26:49,157 --> 00:26:50,907
You should try it sometime.
606
00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:52,226
No, thanks.
607
00:26:52,244 --> 00:26:54,112
From now on, I'd just rather be happy.
608
00:26:54,163 --> 00:26:55,729
So that's it?
609
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:57,365
You discovered the key to happiness
610
00:26:57,399 --> 00:26:58,899
in one short semester?
611
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:02,287
Well, I did have a little help.
612
00:27:02,338 --> 00:27:05,541
Thanks, professor!
613
00:27:05,575 --> 00:27:07,176
You know if you ever decide
614
00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:09,546
to rethink that philosophy of yours,
615
00:27:09,580 --> 00:27:11,080
let me know.
616
00:27:11,098 --> 00:27:13,082
I'll be around.
617
00:27:26,422 --> 00:27:29,022
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