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MAN: Morgan, this is a bad idea.
MORGAN: Well, we can't stay here, Chuck.
CHUCK: I'm uncomfortable with the plan.
MORGAN: Plan? What plan? This is survival.
(knocking on door) That's her. We've been compromised.
I'm a ghost.
Morgan, you can't leave me like this.
You can't do this to me, man.
Chuck, what are you doing?
Uh, escaping.
From your own birthday party?
Wow, you look fan...
...tastic.
Uh, you know, sis, the thing is,
Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in...
at my birthday party,
'cause we don't know anybody,
'cause they're all your friends
Well, your jokes.
Okay, my jokes.
Chuck, I have invited real, live women for you.
So please... let's go.
Morgan, you stay here.
Need a hand, buddy?
No, no, no, I'm okay, I'm all right.
ELLIE: Birthday boy, come with me.
We're going to be social.
You are funny, you are smart, you are handsome.
Thank you. Oh, there's Captain Awesome.
Please don't call him that.
Okay, I've identified some candidates for Chuck
and they are awesome.
Let me introduce you to Chuck-- Ellie's brother.
Hi, Chuck. We've heard so much about you.
Are you in a costume?
"Nerd Herd"? That is so cute.
What do you really want to do?
Working on my five-year plan.
Just need to choose a font.
What happened here? Did you hurt your hand?
The controller chafes after several hours.
Yes, that's technically correct.
I graduated in '02.
What was your major? Engineering.
Oh, my God, I knew this great guy.
He was an engineer, um, he ran track
and I think he was a gymnast, too.
Bryce Larkin-- he was my roommate. Oh, yes.
What's he doing now?
I think he's an accountant.
(distant siren wails)
(grunts)
(shoes squeak)
(frantic typing)
(panting)
It's hard to say good-bye.
(male voice): Security breach. Data vault.
So, do you have a girlfriend?
Uh, no... I did a while back at Stanford.
Oh. Yeah.
We met freshman year.
Oh, that was a while back.
I remember
when I met Jill, I was... it was an economics class.
I was walking across the quad
and she had dropped her bag,
and I was like, you know, rushing to...
to go and pick it up for her, and, uh...
and we kind of, like, did that whole, like, you know,
kind of in a cartoon-- kind of bumped heads, and...
There was a whole gang of us-- Jill and Bryce.
We had so much in common then.
Ah!
Not awesome.
So there I was--
Jill with Bryce, me on a train home.
(music playing)
Larkin is in the vault.
Larkin, open the door!
The Intersect Computer's been compromised.
Blow the door! We can't let him go!
Call for backup. Larkin!
(alarm blaring)
(yelling)
Freeze!
Stop right there!
(grunting)
Larkin!
(grunts)
(alarm continuing)
Cover right!
(panting)
Larkin, stop!
(screaming)
MAN (over radio): Larkin is on the roof.
All units converge. I repeat, Larkin is on the roof.
All units converge.
(groaning)
(grunts)
Don't move.
Too late, Casey.
(sizzles)
Thanks for my party.
Your seven-layer dip... tasted like eight.
It really was eight layers?
Even though we may ask,
no woman really wants to hear about an old girlfriend.
It's depressing, okay?
Stanford was five years ago.
You need to move on. It's time.
Do we really have to have this conversation again?
We've rehearsed it enough.
Fine. I'll get over Jill tomorrow.
Hey, there.
(sighs)
Seems like everybody had a really good time, huh?
I know I did.
Super.
Cheer up, Chuck, you talked to some women.
You know, it's a start.
Wow. Blast-from-the-past wow.
Bryce remembered your birthday, dude.
The guy who got you kicked out of school,
the guy who stole your girl, remember that guy?
Yeah, Morgan, I think I remember Bryce.
All right, well...
what, uh, what do we got here?
Huh, what is it?
Zork... You remember Zork the old text-based video game?
Well, Bryce and I programmed our own version of it
back at Stanford using a TRS-80.
Wow, you guys were really cool.
Yeah, if I could only remember
what was in my hero's satchel.
The weapons that I would use to kill the Terrible Troll.
Right. You know what, you're still really cool.
And, uh, you're going home.
Is it that time? It's that time.
Right.
Pedal safe! Thank you.
(mutters)
Attack...
troll...
with nasty knife.
(blipping)
(cacophous audio plays throughout)
(alarm buzzing)
(thuds)
(distorted voice): Chuck?
Chuck.
Dude...
(normal voice): Dude, you-you okay?
Morgan?
Yeah, man, yeah, it's me.
What happened?
(grunts and sighs)
I was going to ask you the same question.
MORGAN: You okay?
Did you spike the punch?
Something goes wrong, you blame me.
After all these years, where's the trust?
Yes, I did.
ANNOUNCER: The 101 is clear at Universal City.
Watch out for delays near Burbank Airport.
Security's checking all vehicles.
We got a Sigalert on the I-605,
San Gabriel River Freeway, southbound.
A fender-bender on the I-5, Santa Ana Freeway,
northbound, from 91 Freeway to the I-...
MORGAN: So this morning I'm playing Xbox.
and I'm like, dude, just let me get the sniper rifle,
I'll take care of it-- the guy won't give me the sniper rifle.
I made him eat a frag grenade. Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan.
As much as I would love
to talk video games with you right now,
I've got a really splitting headache
and I... In fact, you know what?
Can you do me a favor? Do you mind driving?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you-are you, look, are you being serious?
You're going to let me drive?
It's a company car, Morgan.
It's not that big a deal.
It's not just a company car, okay?
A hoopty's a hoopty, home boy.
I mean, this baby's sitting on chrome.
Do me a favor and stay off the 5, okay?
Because the cops are in a phased... deployment.
Okay.
Thanks for the tip, Ponch.
(music playing)
Fellow nerds, today is going to be a very bad day.
We've got a new computer virus on our hands.
They're calling this one the Irene Demova virus.
(laughing)
Yes, yes, it's named after the Serbian porn star.
Lonely dude call volume will be high.
This is a nasty one, kids. It's a computer killer.
Last night, the display version of our Prism Express laptop
was fried when someone...
Excuse me... decided to enter
Ms. Demova's Web site.
Anna, close the eyes.
This is what happens.
WOMAN: Food is sexy?
Am I sexy?
(voice distorts): Am I... sexy...?
But that's love.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please just ignore
Dirty Uncle Morgan,
I think that everything...
...to arrive in Los Angeles later today
to deliver a speech before the Pacific Security League
tomorrow evening. ...will be...
The general has drawn fire for his criticism... ...normal.
General Stanfield, the former Allied Commander of NATO...
He's already here.
He landed last night.
Who's already here, Chuckles?
I don't know.
We'll have updates for you as events unfold.
WOMAN: Bryce Larkin was CIA, Graham.
He was one of your agents.
GRAHAM: And it was NSA's job to find him
No, you got a dead CIA agent.
It's a gold star in my book.
If this gets out... It won't.
Nobody asked you.
Actually, they did.
Major Casey is heading up
this investigation.
So what was Bryce after, hmm?
What did this computer do?
Well, this computer did everything.
After 9/11,
the NSA and the CIA were told to play nice--
Every scrap of data we had went into this computer.
It mined for patterns in the chatter.
Saw things we didn't.
WOMAN: The data was encrypted into thousands of images.
Whoever received Larkin's e-mail got all of our secrets.
I found this on Larkin.
Hard drive is fried.
We picked up a trace signature.
Where?
Los Angeles.
Which is perfect-- I've been feeling a little pasty.
Stop the presses!
Who is that? Vicki Vale.
(singsongy): Vicki Vale, Vick-Vicki Vale.
Vickity-Vickity, Vicki Vale, Vic-Vicki Vale.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
That's... it's from Batman.
'Cause that makes it better.
(chuckles nervously)
Hi. I'm Morgan.
This is, uh, this is Chuck.
Wow! I didn't think people still named their kids
Chuck, or Morgan, for that matter.
My parents are sadists,
and carnival freaks found him in a Dumpster.
But they raised me as one of their own.
How can I help... you?
Sarah. Sarah.
I'm here about this.
Oh, yeah. The Intelicel. Yeah. Absolutely.
This model has a little screw that pops loose
right in the back here.
Just go ahead and give it a couple of quick turns
and...
good as new, no problem.
Wow! You geeks are good.
Nerds. I would say nerds probably more...
It's no big deal.
...you know, yeah. I mean, Nerd Herd.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I have an emergency.
I don't know what I did wrong,
but I shot the entire recital,
but, um, now it... now it won't play back.
Okay. Okay. We'll just take a look and...
You don't have a tape in here.
But it's digital. Oh, boy.
Right. Yes. But you
still need digital tape.
Oh, no. Her mom's going to kill me.
Uh... Morgan, I need the wall.
It's yours.
I'm so sorry.
Okay. This... this way.
You ready?
What's wrong?
I'm usually in the back row.
Why?
I'm too tall.
I block the other ballerinas.
Can I tell you a secret?
But you can't tell the other girls.
Real ballerinas are tall.
(classical music plays)
(applause)
Did you get it? Did it work?
Five minutes?
Do you know what five minutes means inuy More dollars?
Look, I'm sorry about all the commotion.
We are not stock boys anymore, Chuck!
We are leaders, Buy More
leaders.
And you wonder why Big Mike wants me for assistant manager.
Big Mike didn't tell me about that.
And why should he?
Chuck, dude, she left you her card.
(sniffs)
MORGAN: Why wouldn't you call this girl?
Oh, I don't know. Did you see her?
Yes. Oh, man, yes.
That's why I'm going to repeat the question.
Why wouldn't you call this girl?
Because I live on planet Earth, Morgan.
Why are you following me home?
Aw, come... Hey. We're buddies.
We're going to go do friend things,
and... and... I need to use your computer
because mine's still acting up on me.
(chuckles): Irene Demova.
Ah! So beautiful and so... deadly.
BOTH (sighing): Yeah.
You know, you got to understand.
This is what I've been telling people
for I don't know how long...
Please, not the computer.
(electro-pop music plays)
Aah!
Oh!
(music playing)
Give me the... (stammering)
Oh!
(grunts)
(coughing)
That's my friend!
(yelling)
Okay, look, he's not that good of a friend.
Didn't you hang that shelf?
Damn it!
(metal clattering)
Nah, I've been through it.
It's dead. It's totally fried.
This hard drive was...
murdered.
What if you were the unwitting target
of a ninja vendetta,
and he returns tonight
to strangle you with his nunchakus?
That's super, Jeff.
Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one.
And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.
I'm going to go buy some new locks
next door at Large Mart.
(Muzak plays over PA)
Oh, thank God. Uh... Excuse me, sir.
Do you know where they sell the...?
NEWS ANCHOR: Officials are trying to stop
tomorrow night's speech from happening.
Wh do you want?
Um... um... No. Sorry. Sorry. Nothing.
Nothing at all. Just... I was, uh...
(humming)
(tool clanks loudly)
(sneakers squeak)
(breathing heavily)
(staple gun cocks)
(whimpers quietly)
(engines whirring)
Oh! Oh! Oh, God! Uh...
Uh... uh... Come on.
Oh! Oh, my God! Thank God! Thank God! Listen!
There's a guy here,
and 's trying to do something. I don't know.
You have to call the cops-- Security--
the guy at the front who's checking receipts.
Uh-huh. What kind of guy?
Scary, kind of a Terminator vibe.
Stubble. Red hair.
Black leather jacket?
Yes! Yes!
Like that guy.
(Muzak plays over PA)
(exasperated sigh)
Like I said, the computer was destroyed. Beyond repair.
Okay. It's done.
I want you in the air in an hour.
But what if he has an external drive? A backup?
It's over, Sarah.
The NSA is stepping in.
Bryce was CIA, he was our guy, and he burned us.
Casey's on his way out.
You're being recalled.
'Cause of Casey?
He's a burnout.
Whatever happened with Bryce, you couldn't have known.
You couldn't have stopped.
But I can fix it.
If there's a backup, I'll find it.
Just give me 12 hours.
I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind.
(bell dings)
Morgan, not now.
Hi! Hi...
Uh... phone trouble again?
Uh.. yeah. I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls,
'cause I never got one fr you.
Oh, man! She...
I had an appointment with a realtor.
I just moved here.
Welcome.
Thanks.
And, uh... I don't really know anyone here.
I was wowondering if you would show me around.
That is,
if you're free.
You guys are going to have a great time.
What's that, sir?
Xerox machines? Yeah, I'm on it.
Apparently, my schedule is wide open.
Great.
(TV playing) Hey, Chuck.
Ellie, Captain. Don't freak out.
Remain calm.
I have some news.
Chuck's got a date!
What? Who?
Way to go, Chuck.
That's awesome.
Oh, God, what are you going to wear?
(rock music plays)
ELLIE: So, Sarah...
She's nice? Pretty?
Yeah. Actually, Morgan met her online
in this kind of chat room...
I'm totally kidding.
Try it on. Honestly, this...
Hey, so, these are left over from the party.
Take those. Oh, okay.
And, um, don't forget
about the old girlfriend rule.
Right, got it. No mention of Jill.
Aces, Charles. You're aces.
A Dad quote. I'm impressed.
Love you, sis.
I love you. Have fun.
I will.
I'll try.
They just...
They grow up so fast, you know, and...
Just go home. Go home.
He's picking me up for a date.
You're on your own on this one, Sarah.
I can't help you if something goes wrong.
I don't know about this guy, Graham.
Nice guys aren't sent government secrets.
What should I do if he runs?
Kill him.
CHUCK: So, yeah, I live with my sister
and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.
No! (laughs)
It's true, though.
So, so, wait.
You call him "Captain Awesome"?
Yeah, wait till you meet him.
Everything he does is awesome:
climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing.
That's funny.
I'm-I'm a funny guy.
Clearly. Which is good 'cause I am not funny.
Is that your big secret, by the way?
'Cause I've been sitting here
trying to figure out what's wrong with you.
Oh, plenty, believe me.
And I was thinking either she's a cannibal
or she's really not that funny,
and I was pulling for cannibal
'cause I never met one before.
Uh, not a cannibal,
but I did just come out of a long relationship,
so I may come with baggage.
I could be your very own baggage handler.
Uh, so the guy, the ex, the guy,
the ex is the reason you moved here from...
Uh, D.C. Right.
Yeah, after I realized
that all of my friends were his friends
and that everything about Washington
reminded me of... Bruce,
I needed a change, a big one.
Bruce... yeah.
You give me crap for being Chuck
and you went out with a Bruce?
That's nice. That's real good.
So, so what about you?
What skeletons do you have in your closet?
Any secrets? Any women?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Actually, that's all over with now
(both laugh)
So... I like you, Chuck.
So, where are we going?
Well, do you like music?
I guess.
(laughing): You guess?
What's your favorite band?
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
God, I'm not funny, I don't listen to music.
This must be your worst date ever, right?
(sirens wailing)
I was waiting for you to say "no."
Sorry, sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a second.
No. No, no, no.
God, no, I, uh, I've had... I've had much, much worse,
uh, much worse dates;
experiences overall with women.
In 11th grade, actually.
11th grade?
(laughs): Oh, you have to go back that far?
Come on.
I really don't date all that much.
Chuck Bartowski's your mark.
NSA director wants him with a pulse.
Till we find out who he's working with
CIA skirt... you can kill.
(both laugh)
(audience clamoring)
(indistinct singing)
They're good. Good!
Let's dance! I'm not really a dancer.
(gasps)
(men groan)
(grunting)
Hey-hey-hey, where's the fire?
Chuck, give me your keys.
I don't mean to be old-fashioned,
but the company only wants employees--
nerds-- driving the Nerd Herd-mobile.
(mechanical whirring)
Get in the car.
How did you get into my car?
Sarah... Just get in!
What is going on?
Please tell me what's going on!
Sarah, you're not even looking!
Wait, wait, wait.
Who are these guys? What do they want?
Oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
Tell me when to turn.
Uh, uh, left in five seconds!
(yelps) Your left or my left?
What?
Too late! (screams)
(screams): Oh, my God!
Computer emergency.
Listen to me, Chuck. Those men will hurt you.
They're from the NSA and they're after you.
Me? Why, why?
Why me? I'm nobody.
I'm the supervisor of a Nerd Herd at a Buy More.
Maybe one day I'll be assistant store manager
and I don't even know if I want that job.
You know, that's not your problem...
(gasps)
Back! Back!
(gasps) Get out of the car.
Let's go, Chuck. Move!
Wait, wait...
Sarah, look out!
Request emergency air-evac.
Track location, we're on foot.
Let's go!
How well do you know Bryce Larkin?
What? How do you... how do you know Bryce?
We worked together at the CIA.
The what?! The CIA?!
Bryce is a spy?!
Bryce Larkin from Connecticut is a spy?!
A rogue spy.
Did he try to contact you?
I haven't heard from Bryce in...
Wait. No, he...
He-he sent, he sent me an e-mail.
Did you open it?
Yeah. It was, it was a line from Zork.
What?
Zork, it's a video game that we used to play.
It was like a riddle, and I solved it
Lots and lots of pictures.
You saw them?
Uh, your computer, did you back it up?
Is there an external drive?
It crashed a week ago.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
Was I not supposed to look at those pictures?
Okay, I may have to aim my gun at you,
so just don't freak out. Why?
It's late. I'm tired.
Let's cut the crap and give him to me now.
He belongs to the NSA.
(gasps) The CIA gets him first.
You come any closer and I shoot.
Sarah...
I'm freaked out!
You shoot him, I shoot you.
I leave both your bodies here,
go out for a late snack.
I'm thinking may be pancakes.
Chuck, no!
NEWS ANCHOR: General Stanfield, the former ally...
...stop tomorrow night's speech from happening.
They're gonna kill him.
Kill who?
The General Stanfield, the NATO guy.
Look, something is wrong with me, okay?
I don't know what it is,
but something is very, very wrong with me,
and I'm remembering things that I shouldn't know.
Okay, Chuck, talk to me. Like what?
I don't know. I don't know. For example, uh...
there was, there was a Serbian demolitions expert
at the Large Mart today.
That's kinof odd, wouldn't you say?
Look, last week the NSA,
blueprints of a hotel, that hotel.
And then the CIA, you guys found a file
The bomb is in that hotel!
No, he opened Bryce's e-mail.
Chuck, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets,
government secrets.
If you saw them, then you know them.
There were thousands of 'em.
Wait a minute.
You're telling me all of our secrets
are in his head.
Chuck, is the computer.
What did you, what did you say? What does that mean?
Chuck, you have to listen to me. You have ttell us where...
What's happening to me?!
You said there was a bomb. Is there time to stop it?
What? What? Are you crazy?!
No, we're the good guys.
Look, I can't, I can't help you, okay?
I really wish that I could, but I can't.
Call Bryce. He's the guy that can save the day.
Bryce is dead!
He died sending those secrets to you.
(gunshot)
Yeah, and he's gonna have a lot of company
unless you start talking.
So, pretty please...
can we defuse the bomb now?
general's already on the stage.
...was our mission to give our nation's diplomats
the military perspective on world issues.
Now, maybe it was just because I was a uniform...
Wait! Casey, wait! We can't take him in.
He's too valuable. Okay, Johnny Commodore.
You stay here, but you tell us where to go.
Uh, the easiest way? No, fastest, Chuck.
The fastest. Got it.
Chuck, stop!
Chuck, wait!
You know, it takes courage to speak out, to take action...
This way! This way!
(yelling gibberish)
This way! This way! This way!
...general officer to make a political...
...what that means is, we simply shouldn't do it.
Well, I disagree.
That's it.
It's in this... uh, right here.
Oh, God.
No time to evacuate.
Ideas? Disconnect the lap top.
There's no trigger. The cables.
No, definitely a trap.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Uh... ladies and gentlemen,
we-we may have a cautionary situation here,
so we'll take a short break.
Chuck, is there anything else
you remember about the bomb?
MAN: What's the situation?
(cell phone playing rock song)
Hi, Morgan.
Hey, how's it going? Little busy right now, buddy.
In a good way? Details.
Why are you calling?
I don't know, just...
laying on your bed, Ellie's with the captain.
My computer's got a case of the Demovas.
So, I figured I'd check in.
You old...
Okay, okay, I have an idea.
That's not an XBox.
And you're not in X Men.
I understand that.
This is a Prism Express laptop, okay.
We sell this at our store.
It has a DOS override.
I think I can do this.
I can dohis, please.
He's our best shot.
Go.
Mr. Bomb, meet Mr. Internet.
He's searching for porn.
Oh, this sexy.
Oh. Hey, sexy.
(whimpering)
You did it.
I did it.
I did it. I...
I defused a real bomb.
(laughs): This was a real...
What if I was wrong?
Don't puke on the ***
BOTH: He's coming with me.
What if this was a fluke?
What if he can stop mething bigger?
Fine, we drop him in a psych tank,
let him stare at four rubber walls for a decade.
He'll tell us what we want to know.
Casey, we don't know how this works
and what triggers the memories.
He'll crack wide open.
Not my job.
I break things, I don't fix them.
What about his job?
And his friends?
What do we do about his sister?
What about my sister?
Nothing.
We were just discussing...
No, no, no, hold on a second.
You have to leave my family and my friends out of this.
We'll see.
Look, Bryce sent that e-mail to me.
I'm the one remembering your secrets.
Which means you have to listen to me, both of you.
And right now...
I'm going to go home.
No, you're not. Uh-uh.
You...
you need me.
(music playing)
How long you been here?
All night.
There's nowhere I can run, is there?
Not from us.
Talk to me, Chuck.
Yesterday I was making 11 bucks an hour
fixing computers.
Now I have one in my brain.
And I can't figure out why Bryce did this,
why he chose me.
What are you going to do with me?
What happens now?
For now, you go back to your own life.
We'll protect you and you'll work with us.
And my sister, my friends, are they in danger?
All night! Do you know how worried I was?
How far did you get? Morgan, shut up.
You tell them nothing to keep them safe.
Early morning procedure, so...
Group hug, huh?
Okay.
Awesome.
Need you to do one more thing for me.
Yeah?
Trust me, Chuck.
(music playing)
Well, wish me luck.
(dramatic music plays)
(dramatic music continues)
(music volume decreases)
Sorry, man.
Go get 'em.
Didn't think you'd apply.
Well, uh...
I think I'm ready for this, Big Mike,
and what it means-- responsibility, decisive
leadership... Save it for the interview.
Now go train the new guy. Okeydokey.
(groaning)
Don't freak out.
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