Stu Brewster here, and I'd like you all
to meet Jeffery Barnes, the new Missile Command world champ. SAN FERNANO VALLEY, 1983
VALLEY VIDEO GAME CHAMPIONSHIPS
Thanks for joining us, Jeff.
My pleasure, Stu.
Now, Jeff, you've dedicated the last
three years of your life to playing Missile Command.
You've managed to take a video game
and raise it to a level
that can only be described as an art form.
So let me ask
the question on everybody's mind:
What's next for Jeff Barnes?
What's next? Uh...
I hadn't really, uh...
How can I make up my mind
when I've got so many tasty options?
I've got so many tasty options.
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY 25 YEARS LATER
Jeff, please.
There we go, buddy.
Score.
Powwow on the sales floor.
And one of you two idiots better light a fire under Bartowski.
He's late.
Aren't you forgetting something?
It's only the most important meal of the day, bud.
Of course!
Breakfast.
Thanks.
What did I... What is that?
What did I just drink?
It's a ginseng protein shake.
Been used thousands of years
in the East to promote Yang energy.
And let me tell you, brother,
it does wonders for your wang energy.
Great, thanks.
Hey, where were you last night?
We heard you come stomping in at, like,
4:00 in the morning.
Yeah, oh, yeah, it was a... it was a crazy night.
Morgan and I stole a car, and then we drove around
shaking down liquor stores and smacking around hookers.
Relax, it's a video game.
Oh, good... video games.
Come on, El. I mean, what's one night
- of blowing off a little steam? - One nights have
a funny way of adding up.
I mean, what's cool when you're in college...
We were just wondering...
what happened to all your big plans, bro?
All that talk about backpacking across Europe,
or finishing your college classes?
You know, I just have a lot on my plate at this precise moment.
Well, like what, precisely?
Chuck, we were happy when you decided not to move out,
but shouldn't your life be moving somewhere?
It's time for you people
to get moving around here.
Show some initiative!
Well, I've got just the guy to help.
I'd like you to meet Emmett Milbarge.
Emmett here's an efficiency expert, and he's been sent
by Buy More corporate to tighten your slack-asses up.
Thank you for your very kind words of introduction, Michael.
I'll be in my office.
Well, it is just so nice to be here in...
Burbank.
Burbank, California.
Just a real pleasure
to meet all of you in the flesh.
I personally am
looking forward to spending more time here
in the Buy More trenches,
getting to know the rank and the file.
Unfortunately, my visit here
isn't going to be all fun.
I'm going to be interviewing you,
and I'm going to be evaluating you on your performance,
And, perhaps, even...
trimming the fat.
So... who would like to go first?
We'll just start out simple.
Why do you belong at the Buy More?
I satisfy a quota.
My dad's part Indian.
The cool kind of Indian, though, not like Lester.
I used to be in management, myself,
so I know how
to grease the store's... cogs.
- "Cogs"? - Make sure they don't...
squeak.
If you know what I'm saying.
ASS-KISSER
Why do I belong at the Buy More?
You know, I'm going to have to think about that.
I'm going to go grab a soda.
And... You want one?
'Cause it's my treat.
I'll gr- I'll grab you one.
And I'll be back in a jiff.
UNTRAINABLE
I speak more than one language, binary code.
Zero, zero, zero, one,
one, zero,
one... zero.
PROSTITUTE?
What would I do?
I'd just ask W-W-C-D?
- "What would Chuck do?" - Chuck?
The chain of command?
Well, there's, like, Chuck,
and then there's, like,
the rest of us.
Oh, and then there's Jeff.
Sometimes I... W-W-C-D-N?
"Wonder what Chuck's doing now?"
Who represents the Buy More ideal?
Who makes the trains run on time?
Who provides your moral compass?
Who holds the team together?
- Chuck. - Chuck.
Lester... no, Chuck.
- Chuck. - Well...
I'm looking forward to meeting this Chuck fella.
If he ever decides to show up.
Chuck, you picked one hell of a morning to be late.
- Yeah, crazy night, Morgan. - Lover's tryst?
Say no more.
Unless you care to infuse your story with a more
tawdry level of detail?
You don't. Okay, listen, there's this efficiency guy
who's been looking all over for you, all right.
So if he asks, you have gallstone issues.
- That's a thing, right? - Morgan?
Well, I had to think on my feet here, Chuck.
This Emmett guy's been busting my...
preconceptions.
And helping me see the Buy More
in a whole new... Hey, hello!
This is him... Chuck.
We finally meet, Chuck.
Hi.
SOMALIA TRAINING CAMPS DIRTY BOMB TRADE
NUCLEAR WEAPONS TRAINING
Are you feeling all right?
No- yes!
Yes, I'm fine.
Actually on second thought,
I think my gallstones are acting up, so...
Hi.
Do you know this man?
No. No, never
seen him before in my life.
Wait a minute. Is that one of the sweat hogs
from Welcome Back, Kotter?
He is a Buy More employee.
You know, he doesn't work at this store.
But you should check out one of our other
13 convenient Southern California locations.
Hmm...
Farrokh Bulsara,
CLASSIFIED born in the Asir Province, 1974.
The past ten years, he's been hopping
between training camps from Syria to Somalia.
What does a global terrorist want with a nerd like Jeff?
Insightful question, Bartowski.
It's why we have an Intersect.
We want you to approach Jeff socially.
Get to know him better and see
if you can get him to open up
about his past.
You want me to hang out with Jeff?
It's either that, or we throw him in the back of a van
and have an agency interrogation team go to work on him.
Great, so it comes down to either torturing him
or torturing me?
Looks like we got a bogey.
Sarah?
Is that my sister?
Ellie, what a surprise.
Yeah, I was just driving around
I thought it'd be nice, uh...
I thought it would be nice if you and I could talk
without Chuck, actually.
Oh, okay.
Not polite to spy, Chuck.
I would hate it if he found out that I was going
behind his back like this.
Oh, well, your secret is safe with me.
Do you know if he has any plans?
Tonight?
Uh, actually, I think he is hanging out with Jeff.
Nerd Herd, creepy, serial-killer Jeff?
Yeah.
I think it's time that you and I had a talk.
I hope you enjoyed your fro-yo?
Ha. Yeah, I was, uh, just seeing my girlfriend.
Girlfriend? Oh...
I, too, have a special lady friend.
Henrietta.
She works in our Ontario branch, accounts payable.
She's a real tigress.
Well, now that we've gotten the topic
of our love life out of the way,
perhaps you'd like to sit down for our interview.
How is tomorrow?
'Cause I'm really more of a morning person.
I'll be the judge of that.
Hey, buddy. Where are you going?
What'd I do?
Nothing! No.
You know... nothing.
Just... you know, we never really get the chance to talk.
How about we grab a beer?
No, thanks.
I could be enticed to grab a dozen beers, however.
It's a date.
We can kick it at my place.
You're going to love Roscoe.
He's my ferret.
Ooh... you know what?
I'm actually allergic
to any and every member of the polecat family.
So maybe we can kick it here?
Sure.
- Hmm. - Hmm...
Following a thorough inspection of the branch,
there seems to be no sign
of intelligent life.
May I present
tonight's feature entertainment.
You made an Anna music video?
You like?
Wow.
It's really-
Wow.
I know, man.
She's my muse.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
I'm going to slip into my drinking pants.
Look at that!
Abort mission. Extraction required.
The Intersect has been compromised.
Negative. Perimeter is secure.
I'm talking about the weirdo inside the Buy More!
I'm starting to think
that there's something going on with my brother.
Oh.
Why?
What do you mean?
It's just everything seemed
to be moving along just fine for Chuck.
And you had everything to do with that.
Oh, thanks,
but, uh, I-I can't take the credit.
Then, I don't know, it's like...
it's like he's slipping back into old Chuck mode.
You know, no confidence.
No direction. It's-
it's the Morgan Years revisited.
I mean he went to Stanford, for God's sakes.
Did you know that he's 12 credits short of graduating?
12 credits short of a real life.
I know that I sound like his mother.
Just tell me that I don't have
anything to worry about and I will lay off.
Pound! Pound! Pound!
Go! Yes!
Pound! Pound!
Quit being such a lightweight!
Resuming dictation.
Yes! Yes!
I'd like to report the following violation of Buy More policy:
misappropriation
of the home theater room,
after hours
consumption of alcohol.
And lewd use of a musical montage.
I'm going hohome at once to file this report.
Crazy thing happened today.
Uh, some dude came into the store looking for you.
He had this goofy,
old picture and everything.
Only a matter of time, I guess.
What?
You mean you know the guy?
I'd imagine...
he's one of my fans.
You want to see something I've never shared with anyone?
Please don't be a porno.
- Please, please don't be a porno. - And I'd like you all
to meet Jeffery Barnes.
The new Missile Command world champ.
Missile Command?
I used to kick ass at that game.
Well, I was the best.
By breaking the all-time record,
you've won $100 in quarters
and a year's supply of Slim Jim's.
This prize will be presented
by none other than Mr. Morimoto, CEO
and chief engineer at Atari games.
Dude, you are so wasted.
FACIAL SCANNING
COMPLETE FARROKH BULSARA
What is it
about bad guys and vans?
Okay.
Okay, Chuck, party's over.
Hey, hey,
I- I flashed! Some guy on the TV. He's a video...
Later, Chuck. We have guests. Out the back door. Now!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, what about Jeff? - What about him?
- We can't just leave him here. - He's deadweight.
You weren't kidding.
Go! Go!
He pukes on my upholstery,
he's gonna wish we left him with the terrorists.
Search the place.
Should I be worried about him?
You know, um, Chuck is, uh...
Chuck is like a duck.
Sometimes
it seems like he is just gliding along,
but beneath the surface,
his, uh... his little feet are-are just
paddling away like crazy.
Deep down,
I really think Chuck is an incredibly mature
and responsible guy.
Chuck?
Oh!
- Oh, - is he okay?
Yeah. Don't worry. This guy's feeling no pain.
Ouch.
Here we go. Here we go.
Big boy. Big boy.
What's up, ladies?
You take the brunette.
I'm gonna take a crack at the blonde.
???
Oh...! Jeff!
I'm, uh, supposed to give this to you.
MY NAME IS JEFF AND I'M LOST
Okay.
Is that your address?
- Yeah. - All right, we're gonna get you a cab.
Already have. Already here. Thank you.
Great. Awesome. Come on, Jeff.
That was a great time last night, huh?
You got smashed and passed out,
and we just watched, and it was really awkward.
Okay, here you go, buddy.
Get home safe.
Chuck.
We're about to have one of those conversations, aren't we?
Well, if I wasn't worried enough,
last night's performance was...
Not... Not one of my proudest moments.
Uh-uh.
I feel like you left all those back at Stanford.
I'm sorry. I just...
You were so close to graduating.
You know, maybe if you just went back and finished,
you could move on to the next phase.
I mean, if the world were gonna end today,
- why would you want to...? - I- I hear you.
I really do.
But all those goals I used to have-
I still have 'em.
Okay.
Hey, sis?
The world's not gonna end today.
I have very reliable sources.
Wild night, huh, buddy?
Nah. Pretty standard Tuesday.
This is bad. This is very bad.
Can't you see that we're losing them, man?
I'm your best friend, Jeff.
No, I'm your best friend, Chuck!
Oh, isn't life grand!
Maybe we should form an alliance.
You and me could be best friends?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.
Let's not, uh...
Let's not panic here, okay?
Thanks, man.
Well, you know...
It was very comfortable.
Sure.
Excuse me.
We need to talk.
My sister thinks I'm an idiot, I know.
Actually, we just got some fresh intel
on your favorite video game designer.
There were a few things Morimoto left out of his bio.
Yeah. Guy secretly worked for Japanese military.
In 1980, they launched Morimoto's
first-generation weapons satellite.
The guy who created Missile Command
commands actual missiles?
Via satellite.
It's still up there-
dormant, but presumed operational.
Anyone knows how
to fire that puppy up, it's Morimoto.
And you think he's working with Farrokh and the terrorists?
Well, he hasn't been seen in years.
We captured this image outside Morimoto's office
about an hour ago.
What about Jeff?
How is he supposed to be involved in all this?
The only way to find out is
to get into Atari headquarters.
Security's going to be tight.
But if we don't secure the satellite,
then Jeff's safety is gonna be the least of our concerns.
So how do you want to do this?
Guys...
I have an idea.
All right, be cool, Casey.
Have you seen what I'm wearing?
Just let me do the talking, okay?
These are my people- programmers, nerds.
And right now, their network is being attacked
by a particularly nasty virus.
Back at Stanford, we called it the Bartowski special.
Yeah, real cool there, Chuck.
Damn computers are out all over the building.
Gentlemen, excuse me.
What do you want?
We heard you're having a computer problem.
Someone called. Bill?
Bob... I can't remember,
exactly; it was a very common name.
- Yeah, we got it covered. - Mind if I take a peek?
Look, nerd,
Atari has more Ph. D.s
than friggin' Microsoft.
Yeah. Why don't you help
some old lady log onto AOL?
Nice one. Ooh!
Plan B.
Hi.
I hear you're having a computer problem.
See, if I could just get onto that terminal, I could
set off the fire alarm, I couldcrash the power,
create a diversion.
Or we could just
take the stairs.
Looks like Agent Walker's
got the diversion pretty well covered.
Sarah doesn't even know how to fix a computer.
The second she touches that machine, our cover's blown.
The CPUs have been massively overvolted,
but we may be able to ghost the drive on another system.
The more elegant solution would be to flash the BIOS
and swap out the cooked CPU.
What are you guys waiting for?
Okay. I'm gonna see if I can find
another way into the penthouse.
You wait here where it's safe.
This place is creepy.
So creepy.
Well, if it isn't my friend from the Buy More.
What a funny coincidence
finding you here.
Yeah, it's freakin' hilarious.
What a small world, right?
I got a... I got a call about a computer
that was acting up here, and so...
In fact, is this the right floor?
I don't even know if it's...
You have the correct floor.
- This way. Please. - You know if you're busy,
I can come back another time.
Uh-uh. You're timing was perfect.
I hope
the machine doesn't give you too much trouble.
* What you say about his company *
* Is what you say about society *
* Catch the mist, catch the myth *
* Catch the mystery, catch the drift *
You should not be here.
Um, uh...
* The world is, the world is... *
Mr. Morimoto?
You listening to Rush?
You are too late.
He took the code.
Who are they, terrorists?
I knew I should've never hidden
the numbers inside the machine.
You hid the satellite code
inside a game of Missile Command?
Every game, hidden in the final board.
The kill screen.
A secret level only I could achieve.
The mathematics underlying the final board
are too advanced.
It's like the music of the universe.
Hands up.
I am sorry, I cannot do that.
- What's going on here, Chuck? - Wait.
Wait, if the bad guys have the code,
why are you still playing the game?
Uh-oh.
We're running out of time!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
- Let's get out of here, Chuck. - No, we can't just leave him here.
- Not this time. - No, no, no, wait!
Go, go, go! It's a... wait, wait!
THE END
General, we're sorry to report
that Farrokh and his team have the code.
That, and they murdered Morimoto.
That means that your duties are no longer required
on this operation.
Casey,
we're turning this matter over to the 30th Space Wing
at Vandenberg.
Wait, you're launching an ICBM?
You think you can shoot down that satellite
before it shoots us?
Morimoto's satellite will be passing
over California in four hours.
Best case, we shoot it down
off the coast before its own missiles are armed.
The satellite falls to Earth
with acceptable civilian casualties.
Wait a second, acceptable what?
I'd like to hear the bad version.
We miss.
What happens then?
Farrokh uses Morimoto's satellite
to start World War III.
Hey, what about the... what about the kill screen?
- Excuse me? - Missile Command - Morimoto said
that the code is hidden in every arcade game.
If we can get to the kill screen, we can get the code,
and then we can take control of the satellite.
We'll have our engineers take a...
No, look, the only way to get the code is by beating the game,
and the only person who can beat the game...
- Is - burned to a crisp.
- I was talking about Jeff. - So was I.
Casey, you coordinate with the Air Force
while Mr. Bartowski
pursues his... contingency plan.
But I promise you, one way or another,
I am bringing that satellite down.
You want me to come out
of Missile Command retirement?
You're serious?
Deadly.
I don't know, man.
Come on, what's the problem?
I guess I'm just cool with resting on my laurels
- and whatnot. - But Jeff...
you could be the first guy
to ever get to the kill screen.
Listen, it doesn't exist.
The kill screen's just a myth.
I promise you, it's real, and you're the only one
who can do it.
I'm a little out of shape, mentally.
Jeff, it's just a stupid video game!
That's where you're wrong, Chuck.
It's more than a game.
Besides, what do you care whether I play or not?
I guess I was just really moved by what you said last night.
- Huh? - Oh, you remember.
Come on.
How you were sick and tired
of busting your ass at this stupid store.
How you had this incredible gift
that you couldn't wait for the world to see.
Really? I said that?
Sure you did, Jeff.
About Missile Command?
You were very compelling.
Okay, I'll do it.
- I'll play. - Buddy...
But first, I'm gonna need provisions.
I need two bottles grape cough syrup,
one pound M&Ms, no brown,
and my lucky arcade game from the Gas 'N Sip in Tarzana.
Done.
Really?
I want Anna wearing a hula skirt
fanning me with a palm frond.
- HUH? - I sweat profusely when I play.
And finally,
I need a crowd.
- I want you to get some of my old fans back. - Come on.
The people that were into that game are in their 40s now.
They have jobs, and wives,
and kids and...
Hey, hey, hey- Morgan, buddy.
Can you give me a hand with this?
Why don't you just go ask your buddy, Jeff?
He's in the break room.
We're putting together this like video game
exhibition-thingy this afternoon.
Jeff's gonna make a run
at the all-time Missile Command high score.
- Whoa. - Hey, where are you going?
Sounds like you two guys got it all worked out.
Morgan, I desperately need your help, okay?
If Jeff doesn't break the Missile Command record...
What, Chuck? The world's gonna end?
Look, all I know is that I need your help.
Okay, I can't do this without you, buddy.
I can't.
Hey, hey, was Jeff...
was Jeff the president of his high school
audio/video club?
Doubt it.
Was Jeff a roadie for Mamma Mia
for four straight summers?
Does Jeff own his own smoke machine?
- No, but I do. Okay. - Huh?
Jeff is a loser, dude.
I'll see what I can do.
You're the best, buddy.
Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend.
- Oh, dude, she's all yours. - Great.
JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION!
MISSILE COMMAND
JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION! MISSILE COMMAND
THE GREAT ONE RETURNS JEFF BARNES AT BUY MORE ASAP!
Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!
I'm here at a Burbank electronics store
where a local man prepares to break
the Missile Command record. BLAST FROM THE PAST A FADING STAR SEEKS NEW GLORY
Now for those of you
who weren't around a quarter century ago,
Jeffrey Barnes first made his mark on...
...way back in 1983.
Sarah, Sarah- I know where Farrokh is.
The terrorists are using a television station
to control the satellite; they're here in L.A.
Chuck flashed.
He knows where they're controlling the satellite.
There is still time
before the satellite is in range.
Maybe Chuck's right, but there's nothing you can do
to stop it without the code.
Well, I'm going to go to the news station.
Knock yourself out. I have my orders.
33 minutes and five seconds, this finger
gonna push that button.
Hmm. I'll call you from the road.
- Agent Walker. - Yes.
Who do you trust to bring down a rogue satellite more:
some burnout loser playing a video game
or an Air Force ICBM?
I trust Chuck.
Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!
I'd like you all to meet
Jeffrey Barnes.
Uh...
Missile Command
world champ.
I don't feel so hot.
What? No, no, no.
You're gonna be great. You look great.
You're gonna kill it, buddy.
What was I thinking, man?
No one can get the kill screen.
I can't handle the math.
You've dedicated three years
of your life to playing Missile Command.
It's too heavy.
It feels like my brain is about to...
What's next for Jeff Barnes,
Missile Command world champ?
Get up for a second.
Hey.
I'll get some water.
Hey, we-we-we need to take care of this.
Yeah. Here I come.
Hey, hey.
Come on, buddy, come on!
Wake up, buddy! You got to play!
You got to get the kill screen, you got to get the code.
If we don't stop that satellite, they're gonna launch
some crazy missile into space and then-then...
then it's World War III.
Acceptable civilian casualties.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Chuck, what's up?
Hey, I was thinking,
why don't you guys get out of town, maybe
Palm Springs, you and Awesome just get out of town.
Now, actually, would be a great time.
Trip's on me, you know.
- Early wedding present. - Wait a minute.
Are you trying to get rid of me?
No, no, I just thought it'd be nice.
What's gotten into you?
I don't know.
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I- I know I've been a bit of a disappointment lately.
I- I-I want you to be proud of me.
I just... I ran out of time, that's all.
Why don't we talk about this when you get home?
I got to run.
I love you, Ellie.
Honey,
do you think my brother's on drugs?
That'd explain a lot.
They're going nuts out there, okay?
These nerds are gonna tear this joint apart.
You got to do something.
What am I supposed to do?
Well, they came to see video game greatness.
Someone better deliver.
Ladies and gentlemen...
or Gentlemen,
let me introduce you to the challenger.
Hailing from the City of Angels, the Master of Disaster...
What's going on?
...the King of Sting,
the Dancing Destroyer,
Charles Irving
Bartowski!
Who is this guy?
Where's Jeff Barnes?
Who authorized this?
This is an abomination.
THE END
You suck, Bartowski.
Are you listening to Rush?
Music of the universe.
Missile Command.
The mathematical pattern underlying the game
is exactly the same as-
Morgan.
Hey, uh, buddy,
do, do we carry any Rush CDs in the store?
No need, I got 'em all on my Zune.
You have a Zune?
Are you kidding me? No. No, I'll grab my iPod.
Good, good, good, I have, I have
a very, very special request.
On my mark.
Three, two, one.
Mark!
* A modern-day warrior- mean, mean stride *
* Today's Tom Sawyer- mean, mean pride... *
* Though his mind is not for rent *
* Don't put him down as arrogant *
* His reserve, a quiet defense *
* Riding out the day's events *
* The river... *
WEAPONS SEQUENCE INITIATED
Welcome to Strategic Air Command, Major Casey.
* What you say about his company *
* Is what you say about society *
* Catch the mist, catch the myth *
* Catch the mystery, catch the drift... *
Engaging telemetry.
Arming warhead.
And opening silo door.
* No, his mind is not for rent *
* To any God or government *
* Always hopeful, yet discontent *
* He knows changes aren't permanent... *
Give me the code.
It was destroyed.
I'm gonna do this.
No one can stop the satellite now!
Tell me what the target is.
- What's the satellite aimed at? - Why?
It doesn't matter.
No one will remember who threw the first stone.
- Oh, my God. - Gentlemen,
we have a kill screen.
I got this.
Target's to range.
Releasing synchronized safeties.
On my mark.
Three,
two, one, mark.
CONGRATULATIONS, MR. MORIMOTO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN? YES NO
NO
OZPGSB
Fire when ready, sir.
Chuck, what's happening?
Sarah, I did it!
I did it, I beat the game.
I got to the kill screen.
I got the code!
The game- it follows a pattern.
It's just like Mr. Morimoto said-
the music of the universe.
Chuck, just give me the code.
Oscar...
Zelda...
Penguin...
Gamma...
Sector...
Bob...
WEAPONS SEQUENCE TERMINATED
Oh, my God.
Satellite's powering down.
Terminate launch sequence.
This bogey's bugging out
and going home.
Damn.
You did it, Chuck.
It worked!
How does it feel to be a hero,
Mr. Bartowski?
Oh. Oh.
Looks like you fools had one hell of a party.
Congratulations, Bartowski.
That's quite an achievement.
And in light of today's events,
I'd like to announce
there's a new assistant manager amongst us.
What'd I tell you, man?
It's all coming up Bartowski.
You all remember Mr. Emmett Milbarge.
Mr. Milbarge has volunteered to stay on
for...
well, as long as it takes.
That's right, Michael.
I'm afraid this branch is sick.
And not the kind of sick that can be fixed with a Band-Aid.
What this Buy More needs requires a surgeon.
Someone who doesn't mind
getting up to their elbows in guts.
Mmm.
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna reach in,
wrap my fingers around the disease,
and rip... it... out.
How you feeling, buddy?
- Better. - Good.
Thanks.
So...
Missile Command champion.
I got lucky.
You know.
Congrats.
I'm glad it was you.
I mean, you're sure you're not...
Me? Uh-uh.
I'm cool.
Being number one is a real bitch.
Feels like the whole world is gunning for you, sometimes.
I can imagine.
So, what was it like?
The kill screen?
Forget it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh,
I am so proud of you!
Hey, relax.
It's just a video game.
Granted, I am the best Missile Commander in the world.
I'm not talking about a stupid video game.
I'm talking about this.
Sarah told us what's inside.
My diploma?
Well, don't act so surprised.
You sly dog.
Sarah also told us about
what you've been doing behind our backs.
She did?
Really?
Yeah. No wonder you've been such a mess
- this past year. - Why didn't you
tell us that you were taking online courses?
Oh!
Oh, right... that.
You two kids have some celebrating to do.
She's waiting out back.
You'll thank me for that ginseng shake in the morning.
You really surprised me, Charles.
Well, thanks for my fake diploma.
- What do you mean? - I get it.
You know, you had one of your CIA pal's
doctor it up to get Ellie off my back.
It's real, Chuck.
Come on.
I'm serious. You graduated.
What about my last 12 credits?
Well, Casey and I decided
that your exceptional field service
ought to count for something
and Stanford agreed.
Huh.
And by exceptional, you mean, like, uh,
I don't know, decrypting weapons-satellite codes?
Electrical Engineering.
Or running away from exploding games
of Missile Command?
Physical Education.
You earned it, Chuck.
Thank you.
You see that star out there on the horizon?
That's the Air Force
bouncing Morimoto's satellite off the atmosphere
and burning it up.
Make a wish.
It's yours.
Hey, bud.
Let's party.