Hi, I'm Chuck. Here are a few things that
you might need to know.
The Omen. A computer virus that can erase
a hundred zetabytes of data per second.
It could take down the Internet, crash airplanes,
and erase every database in the world.
In truth, Chuck, the virus is just a piece of the plan.
- What happens now? - That's the real surprise, isn't it?
There. The Omen is officially unleashed upon the world.
?
Christmas cheer? Try Christmas fear.
A virus dubbed "The Omen" has infected computers worldwide.
And it has Christmas shoppers in a panic.
Are their hard drives in danger of being erased?
Or, is the virus a gag that does nothing?
Why panic? Ask yourself:
what would baby Jesus do? - And you are...?
I'm Michael Tucker, assistant manager of Burbank Buy More.
I want customers to remember the true meaning of Christmas,
and get back to what you're supposed to be doing:
buying stuff.
Like this iPad! A bargain for $599.
Honestly, it's overpriced.
You can get all this stuff on the Internet.
See, everything is fine here at the Buy More.
Totally fine!
No computer virus problems here.
Dear God! Jeffrey!
I need your help, buddy. These people are animals.
The virus is everywhere, and nobody knows how to stop it!
Nobody knows how to stop it!
What is going on here?
Authorities do not know who is responsible for the Omen
virus, but assume it is an act of cyber-terrorism...
Every prison cell in here is connected to the mainframe.
What if the Omen virus hits us?
You worry too much.
Take another snort of almond-milk nog.
Do you hear that?
Ellie. Relax.
We are so behind!
We are so crazy behind, and I can't find it!
Find what?
The star for the top of the Christmas tree,
the one that Dad gave me.
Deep breaths, Namaste style.
Devon, it's Christmas Eve,
we are having a party in six hours,
we don't have a tree, we don't have decorations...
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
What are you doing?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Saying your name aloud helps to calm you.
Reminds you you're in control of your own actions.
I am Eleanor Woodcomb. I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Yeah, that didn't work.
Okay.
What are you freaking out about?
Because Christmas was my first memory, okay?
The presents, the smell of fresh-baked cookies,
and I know that Clara is a little young, but I thought that
maybe it could be her first memory, too, and I just...
I want everything to be perfect.
All right.
What's going to turn that frown upside down?
A real tree, lights,
fake snow, and a picture of Clara on Santa's lap?
That's a tall order, babe.
I know.
But... that is why I recruited someone onto our team.
Ellie.
Sarah, I need an update.
It's okay. Project Santa is under control.
Got the decorations from your list,
you just need to get the tree and the snow.
Thanks.
Okay, bye.
Hey, Sarah. Your sister is in
full-blown Christmas mode.
Well, it wouldn't be Christmas
with the Bartowskis without a little bit of drama.
Speaking of which...
No progress on the virus?
Whoever's behind this is a ghost. Untraceable.
No. There is no such thing.
They just haven't slipped up yet.
And when they do? Carmichael Industries will be there
to take them down. But for now, I promise
nobody is going to ruin our Christmas.
Just everyone else's.
Chuck, it's going to be okay.
Look, I'm going to lock up Castle and come home.
Oh, by the way, will you
tell Casey, uh... Mr. Pippers,
the Preppy Polar Bear, has arrived.
Mr. Pippers? Really?
Oh, man, that's like our favorite childhood toy, right?
One of, yeah.
Top five. Maybe. But still, our generation.
Not really yours. I got it on eBay.
Alex's mom said she used to run around with a little bear thing
like that. It's still in its original package.
I thought it was a good idea. Dumb, huh?
No.
It's actually quite touching.
Like you're feeling real human emotion.
Don't you ever say that again.
And don't you breathe a word of this to Alex.
No. No. My lips are... my lips are sealed.
Christmas presents are sacred in the Grimes family.
Gentlemen.
General.
We have an emergency.
We know who's behind this.
Merry Christmas, Sarah.
Miss me?
Not for a second.
Ah!
That's no way to treat an old boyfriend.
Just give up, Walker.
You're no match for the Intersect.
? Chuck 5x07 ? Chuck Versus the Santa Suit Original Air Date on December 23, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
? Na-na na-na na-na
? Na-na na-na na-na ?
? Na-na na-na na-na
? Na-na na-na na-na ?
? Na-na na-na na-na
? Na-na na-na na-na ?
Comfy?
No?
Good.
69% complete.
Only a couple more hours before the virus activates.
What are you doing, Shaw?
You're the one behind the Omen?
The plan?
Surprise.
Why?
Why stay in jail when I can break out,
release the virus...
...and take over the CIA?
Oops. Gave away my plan.
Sarah, thank God!
Shaw broke out of prison, where are you?
Sarah?
Hello, nerd.
Do me a favor?
Turn on the monitor.
Merry Christmas!
Hey, can I tell you a story?
You untie Sarah right now.
There's this tradition in Germany
where Santa Claus-- or Krampus, as they call him--
visits all the naughty children
on Christmas Eve.
But instead of giving them coal,
he wakes them up, and the naughtiest of children
never see Christmas Day.
Let her go.
Or what?
No Sarah, no Intersect...
You're worthless, Chuck.
I've put Castle on lockdown.
Do everything I say.
Or she dies.
Get my drift?
- Why are you doing this? - Because you put me in jail?
Because of our last fight, because you tried to kill me?
So much history, Chuck.
It could be anything.
Fine. What do you want?
The CIA base downtown.
Break into Clyde Decker's office,
retrieve the Macau device, and bring it to me.
What is it? What does it look like?
Figure it out.
You have three hours.
Don't you hurt her.
Impressed?
I implicated Chuck in a massive conspiracy,
and captured his girl.
All from an 8x8 cell.
You...
working with Clyde Decker? How?
Decker was a slug.
He tried to interrogate me, and in one flash
I knew all his filthy secrets.
A little blackmail, and his entire team was working for me.
You know what the best part is?
There's nothing that Chuck can do to stop me.
What now, Chuck?
Chuck?
Oh, boy.
This is bad.
This is really bad. He is shutting down.
Then we take care of Shaw ourselves.
Yeah, but he has the Intersect.
I mean, we're going to need a plan, a really good plan.
I've got the plan.
Daniel Shaw murdered my father, and now he has my wife.
He's gonna wish he never left that prison cell.
That plan's kind of vague. Morgan,
I need you to reverse-engineer that virus. Use the nerds.
If they're focused, they're better than
any computer expert in the CIA.
We need to figure out exactly what happens
when that virus activates.
I'm on it. Casey.
Find alternate routes into Castle.
I need options in case I can't get the device that Shaw wants.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
You're going to break into the CIA?
Decker's office is on level five. Omega level.
You go in alone, it's suicide.
Who said anything about going in there alone?
The Macau device was stolen two months ago
from a Chinese technology company.
It compresses huge quantities of data
to fit onto a single computer hard drive.
Why would Shaw want it?
I have no idea.
What's the best way for me to get into the CIA?
There's only one way in.
With me.
General, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you say that,
but you realize you're putting yourself on the line here.
This is my team.
And nobody, especially Shaw, is going to take us down.
I just got off the phone with Buy More Corporate.
They want to know everything
there is to know about this Omen virus--
what happens when it activates.
In order to stop it, we need to know its next move.
Fold.
I-- no, no.
You guys are the only ones that understand C++
and a bunch of other computer languages, okay?
I need you to crack this thing, I need you
to do it now.
- Yeah. N.I. - What?
- Not interested. - Thank you.
It's an immature response, I know,
but I, too, am underincentivized.
Until this virus is cracked,
nobody's buying any crap at the Buy More.
Which means no double overtime
and no Christmas bonus.
True.
But it seems a little above and beyond
our usual duties.
Name your price.
I got this.
I would like a...
six-inch Classic Italian BMT from Subway. Boom.
I was going to say a trip to the Bahamas.
Subway. Done. I'll make it a footlong.
Nice! Make mine flatbread, boys!
I'm going into Castle, in through the ducts.
All right. Hey, be careful.
It's a war zone.
Some scrooge stole Christmas right out of the Buy More.
Mike, I'm really sorry to bother you.
Maybe we should just forget it.
You kidding?
Getting this angel her picture with Santa might be
the only cheer I get to spread around here this year.
Let Santa just grab his suit.
Damn hell!
What kind of monster steals
a Santa suit on Christmas Eve, but leaves the eyebrows?
I am Eleanor Woodcomb.
Babe, don't worry, I'm calling in the big guns.
Chuck, there's been a robbery at the Buy More.
Brace yourself: the Santa suit is gone.
Well, that's terrible.
Sounds like someone could use a dose of the Christmas spirit.
Just promise me that you and Sarah
will make it in time for Christmas dinner.
Ellie really needs her family around right now.
Yeah, yeah, of course, buddy.
We wouldn't miss it for the world.
My wife has been kidnapped,
and I'm officially ruining Christmas
for the children of Burbank.
We have a CIA Christmas party to crash.
Now let's go save our girl.
Why's it getting so cold in here?
Tapped into the internal generator,
lowered the temperature.
To stop the mainframe from overheating.
Once the virus activates, the resulting data influx
could fry it in seconds.
You with me?
No, you're not.
If you were, you would've brought a coat, silly.
You're going into hypothermic shock.
Pretty soon, you'll be in and out of consciousness
until finally your heart stops beating.
Why don't you just kill me?
Kill you?
This is about you.
Why do you think I wanted you in Castle and I sent Chuck
to the CIA?
We both know that you're the superior spy.
I've missed you.
You're insane.
What we had was special.
I know you felt it.
I'm sure you've laid in bed at night
thinking about me beside you.
I'd rather be dead.
Got what I needed.
This is Sarah Walker,
and Daniel Shaw is in complete control of me.
I don't know what your plan is, but... it's not going to work.
Shaw's so handsome and smart.
I bet he reads lots of books.
You think you can beat Chuck?
You're not half the man that he is.
This isn't about Chuck, Sarah.
This really is about you.
See,
I'm finally going to crush your soul...
the way that you crushed mine.
Mmm.
12 inches of bubbly cheese, spicy pepperoni and ham.
You really should try the Fresh Fit option.
No-No offense.
Thank you.
What have we got so far?
All right, so if this virus hits
at the expected rate and magnitude,
everything electronic will shut down--
traffic lights, computers.
God, can you imagine a world without the Internet?
What if it's up to us?
Two Buy More employees left to stop the Omen virus
and save the world.
Come on.
The government has their best people working on this.
Right?
?
God, I hate corporate Christmas parties.
Everyone turns into sloppy, embarrassing messes.
Well, hello, Diane.
Oh, Stan, not again.
How about joining me at the punch bowl?
Enough.
You're embarrassing yourself, Stan.
Well, if that's gonna be
your attitude.
That is so weird.
Los Angeles spies.
Now focus.
The woman by the giant Subway sandwich is your target.
Mm-hmm.
Colonel Caroline Hayne.
She's in charge of internal security
with electronic access to every room
in this building, including Decker's office.
So what's our next move?
Seduce her, Bartowski.
Steal her key card.
She's a notorious tight ass,
except for one night of the year.
Tonight.
Six hot toddies and men are running for cover.
And you're sure I'm her type?
You're drawing breath and you're in a Santa suit.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh! Merry Christmas.
Or Happy Hanukkah.
Whichever is applicable.
You look like you
want some alone time with old Saint Nick.
I want to sit on your lap.
Whoo!
I don't think Mrs. Claus would approve
of any "shenanigans," you know.
Well, it's a good thing Mrs. Claus is a no-show.
Oh, that seems inappropriate!
Oh.
Ooh, yeah!
Naughty Santa.
Uh...
That's just how I like it.
Caroline.
Diane.
Mr. Claus,
I will personally escort you off the premises.
Oh, what a shame!
Merry Christmas!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Pull yourself together.
Play a little cat and mouse?
Fine.
But I'll find you.
I know you're unarmed.
The armory's been on lockdown.
You can't hide.
I know every secret,
every mission, every mistake.
Scar on your left hand--
Calgary, 2004.
You never tried catching throwing stars
after that, did you?
I know everything, Sarah.
I know everything.
You're upset with me.
That's obvious.
But do you really think
I want to spend the holidays with you?
That I wouldn't rather be with my family?
It's a trick question, Sarah.
Because you shot my wife in cold blood.
You brought this all upon yourself.
Very disappointing, Casey.
We have less than a minute
before a team figures we've broken in.
Never took Decker for much of an art collector.
I think I found it.
Colonel Hayne just accessed Decker's office,
but I'm looking at her.
She's in the bullpen.
We got a code five.
This way, Colonel Hayne.
Our minute came and went.
What are we gonna do?
There's no place to hide.
Pucker up, Bartowski.
You're about to become a man.
What, like a Bar Mitzvah?
Or something that's a little...
What exactly are you...
Santa!
Retreat immediately or I will see you court-martialed!
You know, I typically brush my teeth before I...
We never speak of this again.
Never... ever...
Shaw, I've got the device.
Chuck, it's me.
Sarah, oh, my God. You okay?
Yeah.
I escaped Shaw and I'm hiding in Castle,
...but Shaw's still down here-- hurry!
I'm on my way.
I know, I know, I know.
It's a madhouse. It's a madhouse.
Good thing is that Jeff and Lester made some progress.
How'd your day go? I got the Macau Device,
and Sarah's hiding out in Castle.
Sarah. Hey. Is everything okay?
Casey disarmed Shaw.
He's locked up.
Thank God. I'll be there soon.
Hurry up, dear.
How'd that go? Everything all right?
Sarah says that Casey took down Shaw.
Yes! Nice! Way to go.
She called me "dear."
She never calls me dear.
Shaw's using her somehow.
Oh, crap.
Last time he was in control, he bought the Buy More.
Morgan, we've got to get all these people out of here.
I tried, Morgan.
But we haven't made a single sale all night.
I'm sorry.
Don't be. Don't be, buddy.
It's okay.
Attention, Buy More shoppers.
Um...
I know everyone's a little scared
about this Omen virus...
but, uh, you should not be waiting in line
on Christmas Eve.
All right? It's not about the gifts,
it's about spending time with your friends and your family.
And-and-and-and eggnog and cheer-- spreading lots of cheer.
So, uh, as of now, uh, the Buy More
is officially closed for the holiday.
Sorry!
Thank you, come again and, uh, and shop at Buy More.
Sorry! Sorry!
You're gonna have to... gonna have to, kinda...
Thanks, buddy.
Well, come on, son, I'll drive you home.
Your mama's cooking us a big, fat, honey-glazed ham.
Aw... You know what?
I'm gonna stay here and close up shop.
Can you make sure everyone gets out safe?
All right. Okay.
Hey. What's happening?
Ellie, what are you...? What are you...?
We're-We're-We're closing down for the night.
The picture with Santa was a bust.
I sent Devon and Clara home. Mom's flight's cancelled.
Sarah was supposed to help with the decorations,
and now she's not answering her phone.
Have you heard from her?
Yeah, uh, sort of.
She's kind of busy.
Chuck, what's going on?
It's Shaw.
He kidnapped Sarah.
Daniel Shaw, who killed Dad?
Um... what can I do?
I... I hate to say this-- just-just go home.
No, I want to help!
Ellie, please, go home, okay?
I have to know that you're safe.
Okay, but call me.
Call me as soon as you know something, okay?
Yes. Yes. Okay.
Chuck, you be careful.
I love you.
You sick son of a bitch!
Just wanted to see
if any of the old fire was still there.
No. Ice-cold.
This was Mary Bartowski's, wasn't it?
I think I'll keep it.
Token of our last night together.
I had no idea she was your wife, Shaw.
I had no idea who you were.
I was just...
I was just on an assignment.
Mm. Is that supposed to make me feel better?
I was just a young agent.
I was just doing my job, okay?
You, of all people, need to understand that.
Really?
Well, what about the pit you dug out of my chest?
Is that supposed to fill it in?
Is this going to?
You're a good man, Shaw.
You can be that man again.
Just stop what you're doing, please.
Okay?
You can let this... you can let this all go.
I know you're in pain,
and you want this to stop, but not yet.
Not until you feel a pain
more excruciating than you ever imagined.
Chuck is coming up with a way to stop you as we speak.
We have reason to believe this whole entire Omen virus,
end of the world, apocalyptic thingy--
it's a hoax-- it's literally a hoax.
The virus is hypothetically designed
to suck information out of a whole set of computers
and move that information to a single location.
But it's not doing that. It's absolutely not doing that.
Or it's not doing that with our computers.
It looks like this virus is targeting government computers.
I think it's a real-life conspiracy.
Problem is, no one computer can hold all that information.
Right? Right?
Yeah. Of course not. Of course not...
Morgan, it's not going into a computer.
Shaw is using the Macau Device
to relocate the CIA database into his brain.
He's trying to create the Intersect 3.0.
Oh, crap. With the CIA's databases wiped clean,
they'll have to rely on Shaw for their intel.
They have to make him a spy again.
Gentlemen! Gentlemen, uh...
the Buy More is closed. You can go home.
Happy holidays. Maybe drink some water.
Water can only dilute this feeling.
Plus, fish have sex in it.
Jeffrey, let's go for a run.
- Great idea. Great idea. - Great idea.
All right, Chuck,
tell me you got some kind of an idea here,
'cause I'm a little scared.
Don't freak out.
I've got an idea.
- Okay. - I just hope it works.
Me, too.
Seeing as how our lives kind of depend on it.
You knew that, right?
Yeah.
You've got the device.
Now let Sarah go and take me instead.
And why would I trust you?
Look at the monitor.
Buy More is empty.
You can come up here and kill me.
As long as Sarah's safe.
Pitiful.
Good, you're awake.
You know what the ultimate revenge is?
Spending Christmas Eve with you.
I'm gonna let you live.
I want you to watch while I kill your husband.
Chuck has a plan.
So do I.
And I've spent the last two years in prison, perfecting it.
You killed my wife.
Now you're gonna suffer, just like I did.
You're gonna spend the rest of your life without Chuck.
Hi, I'm Mr. Pippers, the Preppy Polar Bear.
You can leave a message by pressing hard on my paw.
Have fun.
Alex...
Dad...
I just want you to know that I'm proud of you...
...and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you all these years.
...and I'm really sorry that I'm having to tell you this
recorded on an electronic bear.
Electronic bear.
I'm unarmed.
You can shoot me now, if that's your plan.
But for some reason, I don't think it is.
No, you're absolutely right.
It's very important that I enjoy this.
Really?
Well, that's a nice idea, Shaw.
However, if I remember correctly,
the last time we were face to face, I kicked your ass.
I made sure that'll never happen again.
No Intersect to help you this time, Chuck.
?
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
I've been training for a while now.
Oh, really?
Well, can you compete with the Intersect 3.0?
I can practically catch a bullet in my teeth.
But you did some push-ups?
You hit the heavy bag?
Oh, just so you know,
while you're begging for mercy,
your wife is watching.
?
I've spent every waking second in jail
thinking about this moment.
This time,
I'm going to kill you.
You seriously underestimate the power of the Nerd Herd.
The Omen virus-- you put it...
Inside your head.
Instead of downloading the Intersect 3.0,
you removed it.
And it turns out that's the last flash
you're ever going to have.
I'm a much bigger nerd than you thought I was.
Oh, geez.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Wake up. Wake...
Oh, my God, you're like an ice cube.
Hang in there. I got this. I got this.
Uh, I'm going to pick you up with the chair.
All right, so just bear with me.
Okay.
Oh, my God. Oh, man.
One, two...
I'm still going to kill you.
I'd like to see you try.
I've been working on that one.
That one's for Sarah.
Is that all you got?
I got a little bit more.
All right, listen to me. Listen to me.
You're going to have to wake up. You have to wake up because
you're bolted in here and I don't have a key for the lock.
What are you...? Y-you're shot. You're-you're bleeding.
Shut up, numbnuts. We got to get her out of here.
- Get her. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa.
"Dear"?
"Hurry up, dear"?
Sloppy, Shaw.
Won't happen again.
That was for my dad.
You're good, Chuck.
But you're not lucky.
That was for me.
Nice shot, sis.
But I told you to stay at home.
I'm Eleanor Woodcomb.
Since when do I do what I'm told?
That man took our father away from us, Chuck.
I wasn't going to let him take anybody else.
Merry Christmas, Ellie.
Merry Christmas, Chuck.
Authorities have confirmed, that the Omen virus
was planted by a terrorist named Daniel Shaw.
A private security team stopped him
before the virus was activated.
And although they've chosen to remain anonymous,
we here at KCKH want to say thank you
and also wish our viewers a happy holiday.
And now, onto other news, where a dog barks like a duck.
All members of Carmichael Industries
have a position open to them at the CIA.
The agency would be lucky to have you back.
Well, we couldn't have done it without you.
So thanks, colleague.
With that, I'll bid you farewell
and Merry Christmas.
Do you have a place to spend the holidays?
You could come to our place.
Yeah, but, Sarah, I think
my Christmas party's a bust.
No, no, no, no.
Your Christmas party is not a bust, sis.
Don't you know that when you roll
with General Diane Beckman,
you roll in style?
General...
don't you think the CIA
could help us throw just a little
eensy-weensy Bartowski family Christmas party?
You're talking about American tax dollars at work.
Oh, hell, let's do it.
That's the spirit.
?
Aw.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I know that without Mom and Dad around,
it could never be
a perfect Christmas, but I hope you know
that you'll always have me.
I do.
Felt pretty good taking down Shaw.
Mmm.
I think Dad would be proud.
I know he would be.
I miss him.
Me, too.
I love you. I love you, too.
Merry Christmas.
I, uh...
made a recording when things got a little grim.
It's just that...
it's probably better I tell you in person.
I love you.
I love you, too, Dad.
I know it's a... just a little bear.
It's not going to make up
for all the lost holidays, but...
No, it's... it's perfect.
You know, that...
that Grimes kid, he's not that bad.
You should... maybe give him another chance.
?
It was fun, man.
Like old times,
before you got all smart.
It's actually the only Christmas Eve I remember.
I'm usually drunk on Manischewitz by now.
I miss that.
Thank you.
For defeating Daniel Shaw?
For stopping the Omen virus?
Or was it me getting us invited to rejoin the CIA?
For saving me.
Technically, Morgan saved you.
Because of all the saving that was going on,
I wasn't able to get you your gift
in time for Christmas; however... however...
An oldie, but a goodie.
I hope that this will suffice for now.
Thank you.
Smile!
Oh, now she'll always be able
to remember her first Christmas.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Chuck, you should know that, um,
while I was tied up in Castle, Shaw kissed me.
Well, as long as we're airing things out,
you should know...
that Beckman kissed me.
Walker.
A word.
Uh...
General, I know about the, um...
with you and Chuck.
We all have to make sacrifices for the job.
Shaw requested a meet with you.
I suggest you don't go.
What?
I'm glad you came.
I'll be locked in solitary the rest of my life.
But one thing's going to keep me warm at night.
Little something I put into motion
that you'll never be able to stop.
Do you remember Hungary?
Does Chuck know about the baby?
== sync, corrected by elderman ==