- Not talking to you. - I'm not talking to you.
You're talking right now to me.
- Well, stop talking! - I'm trying to do that!
What are you arguing about?
We don't know!
Well, on Serepentis, the only way to solve an argument
was through a good game of Thimbles.
- I don't even know what that is. - Perfect!
Loser leaves the ship immediately.
- I just said I don't know how to play! - We got this.
I'm Ventrexia's Thimble Elite Junior Champion.
Smashers! All around!
You versus us, winner takes all.
- Queued for play! - Game go!
- Queue four! - Thimbles for Clarence!
Oh, you hound!
What in the three rings of hell is going on?
Gary, it's like you don't even
know how to play Thimbles.
That's what I keep trying to tell you.
Two to four players equip themselves with smashers.
Players use said smashers to gather thimbles.
Thimbles are gathered by the hitting of thimbles
across the playing field
through the other players' smashing window.
Thimbles may also be gathered by other means!
For each limb you remove from the opposing players
you receive four thimbles
and ownership of detached limbs.
However, if the other player fails to clear their limb
in a timely manner they lose four points,
in addition to losing a limb.
The game is won by reaching 54 thimbles.
Queued for freakin play.
- Oh! - Oh-ho-ho, gross!
Eh. Four thimbles for you.
- Queued for play! - Hmm. Facticulating.
Ah. Fact-checkulating.
Ah! Ash, that tattoo ... is that a dimensional key?
Everyone has one on Serepentis.
So, there's a key on Serepentis.
- I've never seen it. - That key can help me save Quinn.
Ava. Put up the star map.
Ugh. Now?
Yes, now!
Serepentis ... a planet best known
for worshiping a fire serpent not from this realm.
Star Travel Online ranked it worst place for a honeymoon,
but best place for venom soaked viper waffles.
That's great, H.U.E.
Pack your duffel sack. We're going.
If any of you dare go there, I will reign
down destruction the likes of which you've never seen!
Chookity!
So, none of you are going, 'kay?
Huh. Seems like she really doesn't want to go.
Is it hot in here or is it just H.U.E.?
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2x03 - The Grand Surrender
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
Ash, look at Gary. I'd never make you go to a planet
- you didn't feel safe on because ... - You're trying to kill me?
What? No. I want the best for you.
- That's why I'm try... - You'll stop at nothing to destroy me?
No! Okay, oh my ... uhh.
Okay, Little Cato, take the mouth wheel.
Ash, you don't have to answer but...
- What happened to you on Serepentis? - Chookity.
It was supposed to be the greatest day of my life.
That's usually how the worst day of your life starts out.
Thank you for everything you did to get us here.
Don't thank us. Thank Werthrent.
- Mom? Dad? - Yes, sweetheart?
What were we chosen for?
Glorious things. Your blood will erase the darkness.
Wait! What?
Harp! No!
- I fought to get to her... - Harp! Come back!
Let her go! Harp!
But they held me back...
Harp! Run, Harp, run!
Get out of there! Harp!
They made me watch.
- Something became unleashed inside of me. - Oh! Your thingy thing?
Yes, dude, my thingy thing.
Oh, wow. Okay, so you killed your parents?
Yeah, and that makes me a bad person, right?
Oh, look at me, I'm a parent killer.
- Watch out. - Uh, oh. Sorry, my bad.
I didn't mean parent killer in a judgmental way.
Oh, so when you said parent killer, you meant,
"Great job, Ash!" How is that non-judgmental?
That's when I found Fox and Clarence...
What the hell, Fox? Did you ...
...my new family.
- What happened to your sister? - I never saw her again.
- Aww. - Whoa! I'm still talking.
Whew. Whoops. Okay, well, uh, anyway...
Good night! I'm still here...
Okay, for real. Bye!
Everyone!
Aah!
Ash, Ash, wake up!
- Did I...? - Yeah.
- I'm going to Serepentis. - Are you sure you're ready?
If you go, your mind has to be clear.
- It is. - Those walls say otherwise.
It's my call. I don't need you mothering me.
Hey. Just looking out, okay?
But I'm sick of being afraid. And I'm finding my sister!
How do you know she's even alive?
- I have to try. - Right after you try fixing this Ash hole.
Good luck, Ashy. I'll hold down the fort.
Hey, do you want any help on this?
I told you, I'm fine!
- Everyone, follow me! - How do you know where the key is?
I don't. But my "money compass" does.
Can you stop slinky-ing your money compass out?
I have three money compasses.
Does that get confusing?
Very.
- I recommend the snake sandwiches, snake burgers... - Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
- ...snake shakes, snake cakes, - Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm.
- but not snake flakes. - Mm. Makes sense.
- Those will make you projectile-vomit your kidneys. - Oh, really?
- And you'll bleed for days and days, - Right. Right.
- out of your eyes. - Ooh!
- It's amazing. - Really? It sounds amazing.
And look ... Ooh, forever balls!
I've always wanted one. They bounce forever!
Too bad!
Hey, friend. Think you can just
show up and sacrifice yourself to Werthrent?
There's a line.
How long a line we talking?
- Chookity. - Eight hours?
- Chookity pok! - Eight years?!
Ugh, How do we get these fanatics to leave?
If only... Sentella appeared.
The serpent Goddess of good fortune.
People wait their entire lives in hopes of seeing her just once.
Well, you're in luck, because they're about to get their wish.
- Right, KVN? - Do ... Do what?
Great news, insane worshippers!
It's me, KVN!
- Sentella! - Sen-tah-tine-ella.
Nope. Sen... Sen-tell-a.
Salmonella, goddess of fortune, not here to trick you!
Whoever catches me achieves fame, fortune,
and, um ... You can't catch me!
- Sentella! - It's really Sentella!
- I'm coming! - Wait for me!
♪ Forever ball, forever ball, bounce bounce, everybody now ♪
It's working!
Way to go ... Oh, no! Oh!
- Oh no, KVN, no! No, bad KVN! - ♪ Forever ball, forever ball... ♪
KVN, no! Oh bad! Bad! Bad!
No! Oh no, oh!
Good news for a change.
Now that I have a body, I scored my own room.
Any of you want to chillax it up?
Translation: Do you want to squat on a paint can
in the janitor's cupboard?
Ava, will you just give me this one thing?
Please? Please?
- Intruder onboard. - What?!
Intruder.
Give us a reason we don't blast your guts all over this ship.
Because unless I hijack your ship...
I'm going to miss my own wedding.
All my life I've dreamed of saving another dude's wedding.
We can throw the bachelor party in H.U.E. Town!
Come on, y'all. Get up.
Get up. Get up.
♪ Forever ball, bounce, bounce, everybody now... ♪
Oh, ah! OMG, a forever ball!!
I am the goddess of good fortune!
A lot of people just died.
We can't forget that, okay?
So everybody just keep, uh, just a short moment of silence.
All right, let's go.
The woman I love most in the universe
is going to be left standing at the altar,
- humiliated for the rest of her life. - Hooray. Huzzah.
Hooray.
Hmm. Very lame.
You ever think maybe there's a reason you're late for this wedding?
Yeah, like I said, I misplaced the directions.
Because, you know, because...
because... Is too belied.
Because deep down you feel like you don't deserve to be happy?
I love her so much, but am I the husband that she deserves?
Hey, hey. Look at me.
Look at me!
'Cause, right now, I'm staring into the eyes
of a wonderful, caring man.
And guess who that man is?
- Me? - You. I'm gonna help you get married.
And... I'm gonna be your best man.
Or, you could just get me there, and perhaps not come?
Right. And be your best man!
Oh! What's that? Sure, we can have a game of darts.
Sweet sixteen.
Yo, I'm no scientist, but that looks weird.
It must be where we need to go.
Harp!
If the dimensional key is anywhere, it's inside Werthrent.
It's inside the snake guy? Oh!
Werthrent! Show yourself!
But you won't because all you are is fear
and hatred and weakness!
- Ahhh! - Oh, my gosh!
- Oh, my God! That's a huge snake! - I've seen bigger.
You ate my sister!
Give her back or I will flay you!
- But she serves me so well. - Give her back!
But why, when I can have you both?
- Grrr. - Hey! Listen!
Hey, pal. Hey! Will you look at me?
All right, okay, uh, if you eat her you got to eat the rest of us,
- because we're a combo pack! - A combo pack?
- A combo pack! - Like the fries! We're the fries.
- Chookity, pok. - You want to be the dipping sauce?
I've been told I would make a great dipping sauce.
By whom? None of your business.
- I'm a onion ring! - And I can be a napkin! Hooray!
Oh, geez, all right. Great, okay.
Now it's the combo pack from hell, but,
okay, Werthrent, are you in or are you out?
In.
- What's the plan? - I didn't think that far ahead.
That's not good at all!
Harp! Harp!
- Harp? - Kill me!
I'm looking at you. Please kill me!
Oh. Good times.
Who are these putrid wisps of ectoplasm?
The "Surrendered."
We were told being offered to Werthrent was beautiful.
That we would go to the Embrace and live eternity in joy.
Can we all agree that they stretched the truth, hon?
Yes, not sure this was worth the wait.
No, I'm sure this was definitely not worth the wait.
- The key. - Chookity!
Who dare approaches Septim,
Keeper of the heart of Werthrent?
- Ugh. - Ash Graven, child of Werthrent.
Rejoice child, for you have been surrendered.
Who are the unworthy that engulf you?
- Piss off, Bones. - Yo, Gary Goodspeed.
- Chookity. - Okay, pipe down!
What brings you to the innards of darkness?
- Shut up and give us the heart. - Over my brittle weak bones!
To touch the heart, you must answer me three riddles.
Riddles?
This is the best thing you could come up with?
- Harp? - Riddle #1!
Oh! Oh, geez. Okay, so no buffer or warm-up.
All right. We're just going for it.
Okay. Ah!
Ahhhh! Shake it off! Agh!
Oh, get your game face going, Gary.
- Okay, okay, I'm ready! - Yes!
What is blue on the belly,
coated with jelly,
happens to be quite the smelly jelly,
but often quite smitten with shelly?
Got it! A cloud.
How the hell did ... Correct!
- A cloud?! - Rest assured this next one
will send you hurling on a roller coaster of the mind.
Hey, how about you stop bouncing the freakin' ball?
Can't, Gary. It bounces forever.
- Got it off a dead guy. - Riddle 2.
Harry had 2 friends, one of which had 3 friends,
who then had 7 friends,
- who then had 2 friends, who also had... - Harp?
...10 and 1/2 friends, who happened to have 12 friends.
What did Harry have for dinner?
I got it. That would be a conversation?
Son of a ... Correct.
How are you so good at this?
Because I'm a deep space insanity avoidance companion!
I've been programmed to know all games, puzzles,
and riddles to keep my best friend Gary always entertained.
- Right? - Nothing he has ever done
has ever, at any juncture in time, entertained me!
This final riddle will induce brain spasms
from which your frontal cortex will never recover!
A caramel candy drops in a pool of grundle handwicks
which wick the hand from which the wicking has handed.
Did the caramel grow in hand wicking?
Or, did it get stolen by the three blind grundle snackers?
Answer correctly or begin dying 1,000 deaths!
KVN, I know you're gonna let us down...
in the time that we need you the most.
No one programmed me for that total crap
- that dude just made up! - Called it!
Oh, my bones!
My fragile bones!
Oh, the hurting pains!
My bones are being destroyed.
- Grab the key, yo! - Oh, help me!
- Harp! Harp! - Agh, help me, please!
I'll have no more bones left at this rate.
Gah!
My crushed bones are being set ablaze!
- How do we get out of here? - What hell have I arrived to?
- That feels like a question for Richard. - This is Richard.
Who is that next to you?
- Dan. - What's Dan doing there?
- Nothing. - Well, when he stops doing "nothing,"
call me back, okay?
Richard's calling me back when he's finished with Dan.
Oh, wow. Okay. There's a minute I'm never getting back.
- Go through the portal! - Time to go!
- Chookity! - Ash!
- Gary, take the key! - Oh, no! Little Cato!
Harp? Is it really you?
Gone. She's gone. Gone. She's gone.
- Oh, no. - Ash!
I hate to be that guy, but it's really time to leave!
- Where's my spider cat? Ash? - They are not here.
Come on, Little Cato! Come on!
- Harp, it's me. - Go!
Don't you remember? Come back to me.
She's gone. Gone.
- She's gone. Gone. - I came to save you.
Gone. She's gone. Gone. Gone.
She's gone.
Ash, I don't know much,
but I know that's not a person anymore.
- I can't leave her again. - Go! Go!
Go!
Ow!
Oh! That should cover your rent.
Gimme the key!
Wow! They really do bounce forever. Hooray!
Hey.
You can't save someone who doesn't know they're lost.
I thought the whole reason I got these powers
was to get her back.
Maybe you got them for something amazing down the line.
You mean something that hasn't even happened yet?
Yeah. So great job.
You're gonna be awesome.
- That freaks me out even more. - How come?
Because it means on the other side of this,
there might actually be something good.
Oh. That is terrifying.
No, I-I-I'm there, too.
I think there's a word for that...
- Hope? - Yeah.
Hope. Pathetic that neither of us knew that.
- Maybe I'll try it on for size. - Well, how was it?
It's a little tight in the crotch, but...
Good. Want to give it go?
- Maybe after you leave. - Oh. Okay.
Hey...
Thanks.
Take that! And that!
Eeee.
Attention. We are directly over the wedding.
Remember, you tried to hijack our ship
to be with this special, special lady.
So now, you just have to hijack her heart.
Thanks for the bierstein of wisdom.
Hey, what are best men for?
'Cause I am your best man!
Oh, no! Best friend!
Nooooo! My best friend!
Aah!
He isn't coming.
Wait! I'm comiiiiiing!
I love you!
Aaaaaah!
- Eugh. - Rice.
Now the birds will also die.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
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