1 00:00:00,016 --> 00:00:02,140 Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce... 2 00:00:02,251 --> 00:00:03,985 Jake needs to be at the book signing. 3 00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:06,220 He does. United Front sells books. 4 00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:09,662 What's going on with you and Jake? - We are taking a break. You smell like sex. 5 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:11,259 He's banging Becca Riley? 6 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,895 Shit happens, but you don't leave. 7 00:00:13,897 --> 00:00:15,231 It's not always that simple. 8 00:00:15,233 --> 00:00:16,611 I guess I don't understand. 9 00:00:16,662 --> 00:00:20,123 He found these emails between me and someone else. 10 00:00:20,169 --> 00:00:21,420 Was it him? 11 00:00:21,514 --> 00:00:22,849 I told you it wasn't like that. 12 00:00:22,881 --> 00:00:25,537 I know you guys are getting a divorce. - We're not getting a divorce. 13 00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,141 Abby, yes, we are. 14 00:00:27,143 --> 00:00:30,511 All I need to do is prove him unfit, then I get the kids, 15 00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:32,138 and he can't live off the child support. 16 00:00:32,184 --> 00:00:35,110 I remember you hemorrhaging my money to a dominatrix. 17 00:00:35,134 --> 00:00:37,114 I didn't give up. You did. 18 00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:39,131 I would like to report a drunk driver. 19 00:00:39,989 --> 00:00:42,549 You need to be touched, Abby. 20 00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,959 That's what friends are for. 21 00:00:45,114 --> 00:00:47,771 Please welcome Abby McCarthy. 22 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,813 I believed it all when I wrote it, 23 00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:53,143 but now I think, what a pile of horseshit. 24 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,730 And I wasn't trying to sell you a lie. 25 00:00:58,922 --> 00:01:01,754 There were times when I would watch my husband sleeping, 26 00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:03,236 and I would think... 27 00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:06,467 If you would just die, it'd be so much easier. 28 00:01:06,616 --> 00:01:08,416 Wow, hoda. - I know. 29 00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:11,052 Abby McCarthy is, or was... - Yeah. 30 00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,187 one of the two untouchable authors 31 00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:15,280 in the mommy book biz, right? - She sure was. 32 00:01:15,350 --> 00:01:17,881 What to expect and, of course, The Girlfriends' Guide. 33 00:01:17,905 --> 00:01:19,126 But now? - Oh, my God. 34 00:01:19,128 --> 00:01:21,484 Wanting your husband dead? - Really. 35 00:01:21,508 --> 00:01:23,222 Well, we all think it at times. 36 00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:24,365 What? - Yes, of course we do. 37 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:25,967 You do? - Of course we do. 38 00:01:25,968 --> 00:01:29,414 If you're married long enough. But the point is, you're not supposed to say it. 39 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,268 Now she's said it. 40 00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:34,522 Hey, you. 41 00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:37,712 I hope you're not wallowing and steeping in self-loathing. 42 00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:40,614 I just watched my career funeral on The Today Sshow. 43 00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:42,616 I told you not to do that. Don't do that. 44 00:01:42,618 --> 00:01:45,353 It was just there, glaring at me on the tv. 45 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,088 Stop. Just turn it off, okay? 46 00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:49,056 And don't read the comments. Mother... 47 00:01:49,058 --> 00:01:50,558 What comments? Where? 48 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,230 None. There's none. 49 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,542 There's no comments. There is none. - Oh, my God. 50 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,510 Please stop. Honestly, where's Jake? Are you by yourself? 51 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,190 Is he downstairs on the couch, still? 52 00:01:59,237 --> 00:02:01,534 I told you that he ran out of places to crash, 53 00:02:01,537 --> 00:02:03,488 and now the kids know, it doesn't matter. 54 00:02:03,566 --> 00:02:05,473 How about we call his girlfriend. 55 00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:07,308 And anybody else that's gonna raise your stress level 56 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:08,688 and have them on the couch too? 57 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,516 We are trying to be supportive of each other. 58 00:02:11,781 --> 00:02:13,982 The only divorce that doesn't turn your kids 59 00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:17,151 into serial killers is a good div... Whoa. 60 00:02:17,153 --> 00:02:20,237 What, what? - Kelly Ripa just tweeted, stunned. 61 00:02:20,261 --> 00:02:24,089 We had Abby McCarthy on our show, and she seemed pretty well-adjusted. 62 00:02:24,151 --> 00:02:27,595 Abigail Shoshana McCarthy, 63 00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:29,326 put the phone down. 64 00:02:29,986 --> 00:02:31,619 Put it down. Now. 65 00:02:31,768 --> 00:02:33,645 It is down. It is down. 66 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:37,743 Okay, now I'm gonna wrangle my boys, start the day. 67 00:02:37,774 --> 00:02:39,874 You are gonna do the same. You're gonna take a shower. 68 00:02:39,899 --> 00:02:43,622 You're gonna get dressed, and you're gonna show Hoda and company how awesome you are 69 00:02:43,624 --> 00:02:46,047 because you're number one, and they can't keep you down. 70 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,364 You're teflon. 71 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,363 Okay. - All right, I love you. 72 00:02:54,413 --> 00:02:59,013 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 73 00:03:00,596 --> 00:03:03,483 Hey. Hey. - Hmm? 74 00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:06,489 You were gonna take the kids. To school this morning, remember? 75 00:03:06,514 --> 00:03:08,837 I have that meeting with my editor. - Okay. 76 00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:10,560 And we're gonna check out that place for you today. 77 00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:12,506 I'm up, I'm up. - Lilly, Charlie? 78 00:03:12,554 --> 00:03:14,333 Breakfast in five. 79 00:03:18,514 --> 00:03:22,060 Cat's out today, But there's a fabulous new editor she wants you to meet. 80 00:03:22,099 --> 00:03:25,453 Cat's out? Cat has been my editor for 15 years. 81 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,321 I know, but Melissa's fantastic and... 82 00:03:27,323 --> 00:03:28,589 Abby. 83 00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:31,759 Hi. - I am so excited to meet you. 84 00:03:31,761 --> 00:03:33,183 Thank you. 85 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:36,296 Uh, I just... I was supposed to meet Cat. Catherine. 86 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,189 And she sends you hugs and kisses, 87 00:03:38,236 --> 00:03:40,777 but she got called away for some big meeting. 88 00:03:40,878 --> 00:03:42,468 You know how it is. 89 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,026 Sure. - Come on in. 90 00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:51,064 So, obviously, we have a situation. 91 00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:53,942 Yeah, I know, and I was having a really bad day. 92 00:03:54,051 --> 00:03:56,217 Oh, my God, I so understand. 93 00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:57,429 Right. - It happens. 94 00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:00,475 The thing is, people have a perception of you, 95 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:01,906 of the brand. 96 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:05,158 Yes, right, and I was thinking that we'd use the book tour. 97 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,422 To explain that I didn't actually mean what I said, 98 00:04:07,469 --> 00:04:10,231 That I was just very emotional, which I think a lot of women can relate to. 99 00:04:10,273 --> 00:04:14,788 Agreed, agreed, agreed. Except, um, there is no book tour. 100 00:04:14,991 --> 00:04:17,264 Yes, there is. I have 11 more cities. - Had. 101 00:04:17,451 --> 00:04:19,576 Barnes & Noble canceled the rest of the dates. 102 00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:22,506 They can't sell a book the author doesn't believe in. 103 00:04:22,599 --> 00:04:25,897 But I do believe in my book. Just because my own marriage... 104 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:29,216 You said you wanted to kill your husband. - I did not say that. 105 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,498 Well, close enough. 106 00:04:32,476 --> 00:04:33,873 Shit. 107 00:04:35,558 --> 00:04:38,081 How about rehab? Would you consider rehab? 108 00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:41,408 Rehab? I don't have that kind of a problem. 109 00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,720 Of course not, but those places will take anybody. 110 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,667 We send out a press release, you're getting treatment. Boom, you're forgiven. 111 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:49,352 I'm not comfortable with that. My kids would hear about it. 112 00:04:49,485 --> 00:04:51,405 Then just lay low for a bit. 113 00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:54,719 We'll see how all this affects sales and regroup. 114 00:04:55,214 --> 00:04:56,675 Regroup. 115 00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:58,198 Regroup. 116 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:06,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 117 00:05:09,815 --> 00:05:11,026 Yeah. 118 00:05:11,794 --> 00:05:14,396 It looked a lot nicer in the pictures. 119 00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:17,357 I just... I think we should take the place across from the grove. 120 00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:19,300 It's got a pool. The kids will love that. 121 00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:20,668 It's $4,500 a month. - I know. 122 00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:23,740 Between that and the mortgage... - I know, and I have feelers out for work. 123 00:05:23,765 --> 00:05:26,015 I'll go back to camera operating, and we'll put it together. 124 00:05:26,046 --> 00:05:29,281 The thing is, my, um, book tour was canceled. 125 00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:32,780 What do you mean? - Because, um, you know... 126 00:05:32,782 --> 00:05:35,094 Because of your public psychotic break? 127 00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:39,887 Well, it's also been ten years since you've had a job. 128 00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:41,693 It might take you a while to get back on your feet. 129 00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:44,199 Because I'm a failure, when I'm with the kids, I should probably stay somewhere crappy. 130 00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:47,949 Of course not. It just has to be something between this and $4,500. 131 00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:53,495 You really wished I was dead, huh? 132 00:05:53,903 --> 00:05:55,690 Not literally. 133 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,650 And, you know, I was on, like, oxy or something. 134 00:05:59,675 --> 00:06:01,573 Lyla put it in my mouth. 135 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:07,281 We're gonna keep this as positive as we can, right? 136 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:08,571 Do this as a team. 137 00:06:08,766 --> 00:06:10,830 We're gonna find you something great. 138 00:06:15,438 --> 00:06:18,906 -- 139 00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:27,311 It's gonna be great, okay? - Okay. 140 00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:35,050 It's a legume, which is why I served it to you. - Well, then I guess it's a bean. 141 00:06:35,075 --> 00:06:37,278 Can you please slow down? - Wild children. 142 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,540 So no book tour, huh? - Nope. 143 00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:42,339 In one moment of TMI, I basically destroyed my life. 144 00:06:42,378 --> 00:06:44,985 Oh, and Nate started texting me again. 145 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,549 I think he found out about me and Jake, and he wants to rekindle. 146 00:06:47,596 --> 00:06:49,385 Nate? Affair Nate? 147 00:06:49,471 --> 00:06:53,619 It was an emotional affair. We did not even kiss, and I am not going. 148 00:06:53,658 --> 00:06:55,638 To go there because a lot of people got hurt. 149 00:06:55,677 --> 00:06:59,633 However, he's handsome, he's employed, unlike some people we know. 150 00:06:59,635 --> 00:07:02,771 How exactly is dan supposed to get a job. With that DUI you got him? 151 00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:05,439 He can't even drive. - It's not about that. 152 00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:08,385 He was a very high-end executive chef. 153 00:07:08,424 --> 00:07:10,049 He'd be humiliated starting over under somebody like... 154 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,303 I thought he liked to be humiliated. - I will knock you out. 155 00:07:13,305 --> 00:07:14,548 Do it. I dare you. 156 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:17,318 Mom, you know, because of the drought, 157 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,554 all of California could be consumed by a super-fire. 158 00:07:20,556 --> 00:07:22,589 Baby, stop reading that stuff. 159 00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:25,626 Why don't you go find the other kids and play a video game? 160 00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:27,984 Clean the palate. Thank you, sweetheart. 161 00:07:28,008 --> 00:07:29,219 Good luck. 162 00:07:29,765 --> 00:07:31,412 Poor guy. - I know. 163 00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:33,900 Every day I get an update on the coming water wars. 164 00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:36,716 And how we should all move to Portland. - Where is Jake, anyways? 165 00:07:36,718 --> 00:07:40,526 I thought he was living here again. - He's... At Becca's. I... I don't know. 166 00:07:40,555 --> 00:07:44,559 If Jake is with that child, why are you being so accommodating? 167 00:07:44,561 --> 00:07:47,395 If it were me, I would be duct taping his scrotal sack. 168 00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:49,709 To his inner thigh on a nightly basis. 169 00:07:49,733 --> 00:07:50,959 Till he was off that couch. 170 00:07:50,998 --> 00:07:53,529 Yeah, well, as interesting as that sounds, 171 00:07:53,576 --> 00:07:56,671 We are trying to be on the same team for the kids. 172 00:07:56,673 --> 00:07:58,073 For the kids. - To the kids. 173 00:07:58,075 --> 00:08:00,031 To the children. - Children are our future. 174 00:08:00,055 --> 00:08:01,281 Huzzah. - Yeah. 175 00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:07,098 Look at me. - Shh. 176 00:08:07,229 --> 00:08:08,534 Come on. 177 00:08:09,953 --> 00:08:11,159 Look at me. 178 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,839 Okay, that's your fault. 179 00:08:22,065 --> 00:08:24,666 I'm not gonna last more than six minutes. If you tell me to look at you. 180 00:08:24,668 --> 00:08:26,835 You're too hot. - Okay. 181 00:08:26,837 --> 00:08:28,491 That's a new one. 182 00:08:29,406 --> 00:08:34,190 So what, are you counting backwards or sheep or something? 183 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:37,506 Oh, no, no, not sheep. Sheep get me off instantly. 184 00:08:37,748 --> 00:08:39,380 Gross. - I grew up on a farm. 185 00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:42,009 You did not. - With hot sheep. 186 00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:46,821 Oh, I almost forgot. 187 00:08:47,138 --> 00:08:49,177 I got that poster Lilly wanted. 188 00:08:49,293 --> 00:08:51,515 Good. She'll be really pleased. Thank you. 189 00:08:52,696 --> 00:08:54,667 So does she know we're dating? 190 00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,407 Mm, not yet, no. 191 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,379 Abby and I said that we would wait. 192 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:01,381 Before we introduced the kids to anybody that we're... we're... 193 00:09:02,361 --> 00:09:03,755 Anybody new. 194 00:09:07,477 --> 00:09:08,772 It's hard, huh? 195 00:09:09,479 --> 00:09:12,013 Which part? The devastating my kids part. 196 00:09:12,015 --> 00:09:14,149 Or the moving in a shit apartment in studio city. 197 00:09:14,151 --> 00:09:16,618 Or the looking for the kind of work I swore I'd never do again? 198 00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:19,737 You shouldn't go back to camera operating. You're a director. 199 00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:22,188 I'm a director with a movie that didn't even get to video. 200 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:26,083 And a bunch of projects in development. And I need to make some money, so... 201 00:09:28,064 --> 00:09:30,153 I'm really making myself sound sexy here, right? 202 00:09:30,177 --> 00:09:31,665 Let's... let's stop talking. 203 00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,425 No, come on. 204 00:09:33,937 --> 00:09:35,170 Hey. 205 00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:38,981 I want you to talk to me. It's hard with the work stuff, 'cause... 206 00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,323 You took care of the kids. 207 00:09:41,371 --> 00:09:44,309 And you took care of everything while Abby built her career. 208 00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:47,982 You've been a great dad and a great partner. 209 00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:50,385 She might not see that, but I do. 210 00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:57,009 You should meet with Mark, my executive producer. 211 00:09:57,060 --> 00:10:00,163 He... he would love you, and we're always looking for new directors. 212 00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:03,372 Oh, for your show? - Yes. 213 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,871 Oh, I don't... 214 00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:08,615 I don't think i would be comfortable with that. 215 00:10:08,672 --> 00:10:10,820 I think the Ukraine movie is about to get financed, 216 00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:13,942 and I just need something to hold me over until then. But thank you. 217 00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:18,269 Well, at least forget the shitty apartment. And just stay here. 218 00:10:19,716 --> 00:10:20,982 You're amazing. 219 00:10:21,806 --> 00:10:23,619 But? - No, we need to take it slow. 220 00:10:23,644 --> 00:10:25,401 I have two kids. I can't just. 221 00:10:25,738 --> 00:10:27,589 Move into my girlfriend's house. - Okay. 222 00:10:27,675 --> 00:10:30,172 Well, then, just stay at one of my properties downtown. 223 00:10:30,494 --> 00:10:32,177 What? You have property? 224 00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:34,351 Hey, I've been working since I was eight. 225 00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,248 Real estate's a great investment. - Yeah. 226 00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:40,233 I mean, of course I'm diversified. A woman in this business has to be smart. 227 00:10:41,571 --> 00:10:43,972 This town is all about youth. 228 00:10:45,565 --> 00:10:46,861 Sorry. 229 00:10:49,212 --> 00:10:52,244 I have something that will cheer us up. - Yeah? 230 00:10:52,274 --> 00:10:55,789 I got us on Ellen Goodman's baby shower list. 231 00:10:55,844 --> 00:10:58,440 Ellen, the... with the downwardly drawn mouth? 232 00:10:58,465 --> 00:10:59,890 Mm-hmm. - Don't we hate her? 233 00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:03,373 We did, until we found out who was hosting her baby shower. 234 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,597 Who? - Who? 235 00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:06,740 Gwyneth. - Ah. 236 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,039 Ellen is Gwyneth's life coach. 237 00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:11,666 Doom face Ellen is a life coach? 238 00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:12,909 That's really funny. 239 00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:15,493 Don't... Don't judge, miss public divorce. 240 00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:17,750 And that's why we are invited. 241 00:11:17,774 --> 00:11:20,543 I guess Gwyneth apparently saw the youtube... 242 00:11:20,575 --> 00:11:21,969 Careful. - Incident. 243 00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:24,002 And she thought it was genius. 244 00:11:24,114 --> 00:11:26,247 She relates. - I don't... Really? 245 00:11:26,249 --> 00:11:29,569 I thought she had the perfect divorce. Didn't she do... It was, like, a conscious... 246 00:11:29,624 --> 00:11:31,671 Conscious uncoupling. - All spin. 247 00:11:31,764 --> 00:11:33,855 She probably hates the way coldplay breathes. 248 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,357 Nobody has a perfect divorce. You're fine. Everybody knows splitting up is hell. 249 00:11:37,404 --> 00:11:39,451 Fine? My editor is a child. 250 00:11:39,693 --> 00:11:41,930 Who published Henry The ADHD Hippo. 251 00:11:41,932 --> 00:11:44,400 It's just a setback, baby. You're gonna be fine. We got your back. 252 00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:45,783 Thank you. Thank you. 253 00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:48,893 Okay, uncomfortable hippie shit aside, you've got to lawyer up. 254 00:11:48,931 --> 00:11:52,048 No, Jake and I, we had this conversation before we got married, 255 00:11:52,057 --> 00:11:54,455 and we promised that if things ever went this way 256 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,552 that we would be fair. He's not gonna take me to the cleaners. 257 00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,030 Yeah, but you had that conversation about 17 years ago. 258 00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:01,436 Did you get it in writing? 259 00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:02,855 No. 260 00:12:03,136 --> 00:12:04,794 Well, then, it never happened. 261 00:12:06,087 --> 00:12:08,438 My divorce attorney is actually great. 262 00:12:08,623 --> 00:12:10,365 Delia, she's amazing. - Hang on. 263 00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:12,998 What? - Don't call Delia. Don't tell her to call Delia. 264 00:12:13,068 --> 00:12:15,732 Who's Delia? - Delia Banai is a pathological liar. 265 00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:17,602 What? Based on what? 266 00:12:17,632 --> 00:12:19,455 Based on the fact that I work with her. 267 00:12:19,479 --> 00:12:22,350 She wants couples to fight. More billable hours. 268 00:12:22,382 --> 00:12:25,252 And 50% of the stuff she says is straight-up lies. 269 00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:27,273 Well, she's a lawyer. 270 00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:31,499 Sorry. 271 00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:33,014 I'm trying to help you out here. 272 00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:35,664 Anyway, thank you so much for dinner. 273 00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:38,268 I don't even... I don't even want a lawyer. 274 00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:40,315 It's fine. It's not about that. 275 00:12:40,355 --> 00:12:41,777 Don't be mad. 276 00:12:42,057 --> 00:12:45,575 Eric, Spencer, honey, it's time to head out. 277 00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,901 Mom, where's the car? 278 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:51,331 I parked here, right? 279 00:13:00,436 --> 00:13:04,936 -- 280 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,865 This is not funny. These texts are not funny. 281 00:13:11,935 --> 00:13:13,464 I'm finding them pretty amusing. 282 00:13:13,513 --> 00:13:14,560 -- 283 00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:18,184 Oh, you're dead. You are so dead. 284 00:13:19,043 --> 00:13:21,356 Oh, oh, and handicapped? 285 00:13:21,446 --> 00:13:24,449 I swear to God, if you don't tell me where to find my goddamn car... 286 00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:27,688 I knew it. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. 287 00:13:27,797 --> 00:13:30,852 Where's the car, Dan? 288 00:13:31,422 --> 00:13:33,726 I can't...I can't... Oh, God. 289 00:13:33,797 --> 00:13:36,531 Don't provoke me. I don't have time for this crap. 290 00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:37,858 I have a job. 291 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:40,270 Fine. Fine. Last one. 292 00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:47,270 Bitch on wheels? 293 00:13:47,332 --> 00:13:50,473 Oh, you want to do this? You want to do this? 294 00:13:51,114 --> 00:13:53,285 I will crush you. - Not this time, sweetheart. 295 00:13:53,488 --> 00:13:56,230 I finally got my sack back, and it's bigger than yours. 296 00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:57,886 Dan, where's the... 297 00:13:58,668 --> 00:14:01,385 Did that please you, mistress? - Very much. 298 00:14:01,904 --> 00:14:06,388 I'm the only woman who gets to dominate you, and don't you forget it. 299 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:12,692 You need to drive me to goddamn Compton because my car's been impounded. 300 00:14:12,949 --> 00:14:14,172 Okay. 301 00:14:15,197 --> 00:14:16,617 That's it, honey, come on. 302 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,018 That's okay, Diego. 303 00:14:18,227 --> 00:14:19,819 We'll get them next time, buddy, all right? All right. 304 00:14:19,844 --> 00:14:22,077 All right, guys, stay sharp. - Hey, Charlie, you're up. 305 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,056 Let's get the bats going, guys, all right? 306 00:14:24,476 --> 00:14:27,005 Man, we're off today. We're giving it up. - All right. 307 00:14:27,093 --> 00:14:28,844 So how you doing? You okay? 308 00:14:30,263 --> 00:14:32,272 Yeah, you know, as good as can be expected. 309 00:14:32,865 --> 00:14:34,303 Anything I can do? 310 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,864 No, I... I need to get some work. 311 00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,402 Good eye, Charlie. 312 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,393 Stay in there. 313 00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:42,696 Charlie. - Man. 314 00:14:42,942 --> 00:14:44,241 Stay in the... Stay... 315 00:14:44,243 --> 00:14:46,149 Look that way. - It's okay, Charlie. 316 00:14:46,188 --> 00:14:48,852 There you go. - Well, if you need some work, you know, 317 00:14:48,877 --> 00:14:50,641 you could always come help me out. 318 00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:52,394 Yeah, like, mow and blow? 319 00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:54,250 I'm a landscape designer. 320 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,187 We install landscape that I design. 321 00:14:57,256 --> 00:14:58,617 So planting? 322 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:03,046 Jesus. Screw me for offering. - I'm sorry. I was... I'm just kidding. 323 00:15:03,086 --> 00:15:05,763 I don't mean to sound like that. I appreciate it. I'll think about it. 324 00:15:05,788 --> 00:15:07,727 Of course, you're family. 325 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,290 You know, if you need some time money-wise, 326 00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:13,445 Abby's not gonna freeze you out. - That's complicated. 327 00:15:13,506 --> 00:15:14,739 Why? 328 00:15:15,441 --> 00:15:17,859 Maybe because I feel like I don't got any balls. 329 00:15:17,999 --> 00:15:20,554 You can't... You can't think that way, dude. 330 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,080 And I know my sister. You can depend on her. 331 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,665 She still loves you. 332 00:15:26,018 --> 00:15:28,894 And she hates me, and it's anybody's guess which side... 333 00:15:28,988 --> 00:15:30,323 There you go. There you go. 334 00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:32,381 Run, run, run, run, run, run. - There you go. 335 00:15:33,993 --> 00:15:36,427 Okay, okay. Stay there, stay there. - Come on, come on, come on, keep coming. 336 00:15:36,429 --> 00:15:37,941 There you go. - Come on, come on. 337 00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:40,230 Yeah. 338 00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:43,298 The thing with Dan, you get it all done? 339 00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:46,159 I got the applications, all 40 of them. 340 00:15:46,319 --> 00:15:48,004 Good. Thank you. 341 00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:53,591 Hello? Yes. 342 00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:55,726 Hold on. 343 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,680 Hello? 344 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,161 Hold on. And this is for which restaurant? 345 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,974 Souplantation? I... 346 00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:05,568 Hold on. How did you get this number? 347 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,728 Yes, I agree I'm overqualified to work at Chili's. 348 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,859 Lose my goddamn application. 349 00:16:23,336 --> 00:16:25,169 Come on, Abby, push it. - I hate you. 350 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,517 Pick your knees up. - Knees? 351 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,109 Pick... They have to go higher. 352 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,512 All the way through. - Oh, my God. 353 00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:35,134 Now squats. - Jesus. Give me a minute. 354 00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:42,333 So... Thanks for showing up today. 355 00:16:42,442 --> 00:16:43,706 I know you're pissed at me. 356 00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:47,145 Awesome strategy, getting me too exhausted to yell at you. 357 00:16:47,184 --> 00:16:50,488 I said something really stupid, and I'm sorry. 358 00:16:52,772 --> 00:16:54,670 I know you meant well, I really do. 359 00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:58,109 I just love you guys. 360 00:16:58,382 --> 00:17:00,155 I introduced you two. 361 00:17:01,018 --> 00:17:03,119 I can't imagine... - Yeah, me neither, 362 00:17:03,346 --> 00:17:05,478 but Jake is living on the couch. 363 00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,820 If he's not sleeping with his superhot girlfriend, and Lilly is barely speaking to me, 364 00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:12,062 and we have this session with the mediator coming up. 365 00:17:12,087 --> 00:17:15,173 Mediator? - They're more like counselors than lawyers. 366 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,905 They help you agree on compromises. 367 00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:20,258 And avoid legal hell and all the animosity and... 368 00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:23,234 What if they think that you should still be together? 369 00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:26,062 Max. - I'm just saying, keep an open mind. 370 00:17:26,398 --> 00:17:29,398 Marriage... - It's no-judgment day today. Please. 371 00:17:32,893 --> 00:17:34,093 Sorry. 372 00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:36,280 Hey, Pheeps. 373 00:17:39,838 --> 00:17:43,887 Okay. I think i was just asked out on a gay date by Phoebe. 374 00:17:43,923 --> 00:17:45,123 The model? - Yeah. 375 00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:48,188 She wants to have dinner with me alone. 376 00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:49,648 She's gay? Since when? 377 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,700 She's more ambisexual, but she planted one on me the other night. 378 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:56,493 What? I mean, talk about burying the lead. 379 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,996 I know. It's so crazy. She basically offered to take me to bed. 380 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,366 Are you gonna let her? She's sexy as hell. 381 00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,641 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 382 00:18:04,665 --> 00:18:07,919 Oh, my... If you go gay too, mom and dad would plotz. 383 00:18:08,202 --> 00:18:10,991 No, I mean, she was very soft, 384 00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:13,202 and her hair smelled really good, 385 00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:15,516 but for better or for worse, I'm all about dick. 386 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,043 You and me both, sister. 387 00:18:18,755 --> 00:18:20,236 You look great, by the way. 388 00:18:23,617 --> 00:18:25,039 Right this way. 389 00:18:25,791 --> 00:18:27,639 You're so tense, mama. - Yeah. 390 00:18:27,971 --> 00:18:30,149 You need a massage or something. - Something. 391 00:18:30,707 --> 00:18:32,445 I have a surprise for you. 392 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,726 I seriously think you're gonna click with this gal. 393 00:18:38,778 --> 00:18:40,202 What is this? Is this a setup? 394 00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,174 Don't be mad. - Excuse me. 395 00:18:42,807 --> 00:18:46,298 Phoebe, I treasure our friendship so much, 396 00:18:46,377 --> 00:18:48,271 but I am not gay or bi. 397 00:18:48,296 --> 00:18:51,008 And I'm not attracted to you in that way or your friend. 398 00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:52,938 What are you talking about? 399 00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:55,439 You are setting me up with a woman, 400 00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:57,653 and... And you kissed me the other night. 401 00:18:57,655 --> 00:19:00,155 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I'm such a lezzy drunk. 402 00:19:00,186 --> 00:19:02,264 Half the time, I don't even remember I do it. 403 00:19:02,338 --> 00:19:04,676 That's Delia Banai, my divorce lawyer. 404 00:19:04,695 --> 00:19:06,002 Oh, my God. 405 00:19:06,202 --> 00:19:08,618 I'm not even thinking about sex right now. 406 00:19:09,211 --> 00:19:11,125 Now I'm really focused on my new business. 407 00:19:11,157 --> 00:19:12,733 Oh, on your business? - Yes. 408 00:19:12,758 --> 00:19:16,498 Wow, what is it? - I don't know. I'm still meditating on it. 409 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,967 But I feel it coming. Come with me. 410 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,777 Delia, this is Abby. 411 00:19:21,937 --> 00:19:23,643 Abby, this is Delia. - Delia. 412 00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:27,470 Phoebe didn't tell me you are such a dish. 413 00:19:27,471 --> 00:19:28,702 Thank you. Nice to meet you. 414 00:19:28,781 --> 00:19:32,219 When you're ready, I have, like, 50 divorced guys to introduce you to. 415 00:19:32,243 --> 00:19:33,443 Thank you. 416 00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:36,271 So mediation... 417 00:19:36,881 --> 00:19:40,416 You may as well burn all your money. and move into a homeless shelter right now. 418 00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,463 What? No. I was told... 419 00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:44,964 Mediators are jackals. Why? 420 00:19:44,989 --> 00:19:48,090 Because they prey on the idea of a "good divorce." 421 00:19:48,639 --> 00:19:50,100 There is no such thing. 422 00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:53,917 There is one person getting fleeced because they feel bad. 423 00:19:54,432 --> 00:19:55,898 You're the earner, right? 424 00:19:56,147 --> 00:19:58,434 You don't want someone to fight for compromise. 425 00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:00,586 You want someone to fight for you. 426 00:20:01,439 --> 00:20:04,607 Jake works, too. He's just transitioning. 427 00:20:04,673 --> 00:20:06,845 He's been transitioning for ten years. 428 00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:09,673 So you make all the money. 429 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,016 I've been very lucky. - No, you haven't. 430 00:20:12,097 --> 00:20:15,749 You have been strong and ambitious and smart. 431 00:20:15,774 --> 00:20:17,875 I see it all the time, Abby. 432 00:20:17,922 --> 00:20:21,646 A woman earner comes out of a failed marriage, she feels guilty. 433 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:25,027 She's full of apologies because she's been the man, 434 00:20:25,029 --> 00:20:26,962 and that is not natural. 435 00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,581 What? - I'm not saying it's wrong. 436 00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:31,972 I'm saying it's not natural. Think about it. 437 00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,313 In the span of human history, how long has a woman. 438 00:20:34,338 --> 00:20:36,260 been allowed to have more power than a man? 439 00:20:36,291 --> 00:20:38,314 It's a sliver. It's nothing. 440 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:39,675 True. That's true. 441 00:20:39,676 --> 00:20:43,160 We may say we want a man who will wash the dishes and change the diapers, but, oh, God, 442 00:20:43,199 --> 00:20:45,438 we do not want to screw him. 443 00:20:46,517 --> 00:20:48,788 And he's not too thrilled with us either. 444 00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:51,092 That's why marriage as we know it is dead. 445 00:20:52,182 --> 00:20:54,401 Wow. There you go. 446 00:20:54,432 --> 00:20:58,427 And your ex may be reasonable now, but if he was comfortable 447 00:20:58,452 --> 00:21:00,989 transitioning instead of working. 448 00:21:01,299 --> 00:21:03,788 He will be comfortable taking you for all he can get. 449 00:21:03,897 --> 00:21:06,168 It's just not Jake's style. 450 00:21:06,193 --> 00:21:08,280 You don't know what his style is, precious. 451 00:21:08,940 --> 00:21:10,306 Not anymore. 452 00:21:10,408 --> 00:21:12,879 Divorce makes people crazy. 453 00:21:13,044 --> 00:21:16,477 You don't want to go to war with a water pistol, Abby. Be smart. 454 00:21:18,582 --> 00:21:21,555 Oh, I have to take this. Hold on a sec. 455 00:21:22,053 --> 00:21:24,964 I have an ex holding my client's dogs hostage. 456 00:21:25,003 --> 00:21:27,513 Because he threw her manolos in the pool. 457 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,617 God, it's always the goddamn dogs. 458 00:21:31,062 --> 00:21:32,268 This is Delia. 459 00:21:45,176 --> 00:21:46,998 Hi. - Hey. 460 00:21:54,652 --> 00:21:56,408 Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. 461 00:21:57,154 --> 00:22:00,322 You have your dominatrix driving the kids to school? 462 00:22:00,324 --> 00:22:01,630 How much is that costing you? 463 00:22:01,669 --> 00:22:03,966 What do you want me to do? You got my license suspended. 464 00:22:04,020 --> 00:22:06,081 So stop turning down every job I've put you up for. 465 00:22:06,097 --> 00:22:07,730 Maybe pay for a car service. 466 00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:09,815 Those were a "screw you," Lyla, and you know it. 467 00:22:09,847 --> 00:22:12,855 I was Food & Wine's most promising chef. - That was a lifetime ago. 468 00:22:12,894 --> 00:22:16,104 One restaurant fails, and you quit? - Again. It starts again. Again. 469 00:22:16,151 --> 00:22:18,753 Well, then use your head and keep your fetish... 470 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,682 I don't need to hear this speech. I'm done. - Don't make me keep giving it. 471 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,454 Yeah. Did you see Logan? 472 00:22:32,478 --> 00:22:33,865 He didn't sing... - At all. 473 00:22:33,912 --> 00:22:35,888 The stage lights work like a freeze ray on him. 474 00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:38,594 I know. It's so cute. - It is. 475 00:22:38,971 --> 00:22:42,001 I love those kids. Oh, God. 476 00:22:44,182 --> 00:22:46,484 Um, I got to... Can I call you later? 477 00:22:46,589 --> 00:22:48,412 Yeah. - Okay. Bye. 478 00:22:52,624 --> 00:22:53,958 You have to stop texting me. 479 00:22:54,342 --> 00:22:56,035 Not until you give me one minute. 480 00:22:56,261 --> 00:22:59,017 I mean, you haven't said a word to me since you and Jake split. 481 00:23:01,272 --> 00:23:02,623 One minute. 482 00:23:04,102 --> 00:23:06,045 That was quite the morning sing. 483 00:23:06,838 --> 00:23:08,204 That one ham, Davis, 484 00:23:08,206 --> 00:23:10,170 The upstager? - Davis, yeah. 485 00:23:10,276 --> 00:23:12,377 Somebody ought to punch that little kid in the face. 486 00:23:12,402 --> 00:23:15,362 At least take away his finger cymbals. - Nate, I don't have a lot of... 487 00:23:15,387 --> 00:23:17,571 Look, just... Just one minute, please? 488 00:23:19,318 --> 00:23:20,611 I was just... 489 00:23:20,903 --> 00:23:23,763 I just want to know how you're doing with everything. 490 00:23:23,822 --> 00:23:25,995 I mean, I feel half responsible. 491 00:23:26,209 --> 00:23:27,998 Don't feel responsible. 492 00:23:28,060 --> 00:23:30,649 It was a lot more complicated than what happened between us, 493 00:23:30,692 --> 00:23:33,755 and all that stuff that we wrote each other was... 494 00:23:33,794 --> 00:23:36,484 Helvetica oxygen. I mean, for me, anyway. 495 00:23:37,202 --> 00:23:39,564 Having somebody like you in my life, It's just... 496 00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:42,066 It's amazing. 497 00:23:45,569 --> 00:23:46,969 Please don't. 498 00:23:47,163 --> 00:23:49,501 Oh, God. It's Jake. 499 00:23:53,710 --> 00:23:55,194 I have to go. 500 00:23:55,812 --> 00:23:59,530 Nate, you are married, and that makes me guilty. 501 00:24:00,222 --> 00:24:03,237 Look, Abby. Abby, look. Forget about us, okay? I mean, forget about guilt. 502 00:24:03,269 --> 00:24:05,829 I just... I'm happy for you. - Okay. 503 00:24:05,854 --> 00:24:07,338 You're free. - Okay. Okay. 504 00:24:18,268 --> 00:24:20,659 Oh, God. - Oh, my pretty baby. 505 00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:24,032 How is it that you always blow my mind? 506 00:24:24,174 --> 00:24:25,718 I'm just that good. 507 00:24:26,564 --> 00:24:29,223 So how's your business idea going, the gym? 508 00:24:29,357 --> 00:24:32,605 What was it, kundasize? - Cardiolini. 509 00:24:33,561 --> 00:24:36,143 It's kundalini yoga plus cardio. 510 00:24:36,831 --> 00:24:40,363 Turns out somebody's already doing it in the valley. 511 00:24:41,336 --> 00:24:42,812 You're such an 818 snob. 512 00:24:42,837 --> 00:24:47,875 Nothing truly cool has or ever will originate in the valley. 513 00:24:48,462 --> 00:24:51,745 Uh, waterslides, porn, mullets. 514 00:24:51,846 --> 00:24:53,590 All exceptions that prove the rule. 515 00:24:53,682 --> 00:24:56,052 I don't know what my business is gonna be. 516 00:24:56,318 --> 00:24:59,289 It just have to have the right vibrations, you know? 517 00:24:59,354 --> 00:25:01,617 Or you can keep doing this for me. 518 00:25:02,824 --> 00:25:04,331 You know I like paying you. 519 00:25:04,859 --> 00:25:06,640 I know you do, daddy. 520 00:25:07,362 --> 00:25:08,721 I love it. 521 00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:10,777 It's beautiful. 522 00:25:12,534 --> 00:25:14,776 It's just that now that the kids are in school, 523 00:25:14,815 --> 00:25:18,627 the nanny just sits home all day staring at me like, "get a job." 524 00:25:18,690 --> 00:25:20,368 Oh, God, well, if the nanny's judging you, 525 00:25:20,393 --> 00:25:22,744 by all means, get a job. - I'm serious. I'm alone all the time. 526 00:25:22,799 --> 00:25:25,086 I need something. I... I hate being alone. 527 00:25:25,111 --> 00:25:26,697 You know that. - Oh, you won't be. 528 00:25:26,744 --> 00:25:29,844 I'm sure you'll find another sucker to marry you any day now. 529 00:25:36,524 --> 00:25:38,492 How about that, hmm? 530 00:25:46,735 --> 00:25:48,998 Rosa, where are the kids? 531 00:25:49,037 --> 00:25:51,858 Charlie's playing outside. Lilly's in her room. 532 00:25:53,408 --> 00:25:55,299 Okay. Thank you. 533 00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:57,601 Can I ask you something? 534 00:25:57,912 --> 00:25:59,112 Always. 535 00:25:59,447 --> 00:26:01,080 Am I gonna be fired? 536 00:26:01,105 --> 00:26:03,549 What? What? No. 537 00:26:03,551 --> 00:26:05,703 We would be lost without you here. 538 00:26:05,931 --> 00:26:07,498 People split. 539 00:26:07,856 --> 00:26:09,324 They can't pay me. 540 00:26:10,158 --> 00:26:12,707 It's happened before. - Oh, my God. 541 00:26:13,478 --> 00:26:16,205 It's... You're not fired. It's gonna be fine. 542 00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:22,338 And you and Jake, it's so sad. 543 00:26:23,190 --> 00:26:27,615 It is, but we're still a family. We're just a different kind of family. 544 00:26:28,596 --> 00:26:30,095 Oh, my God. 545 00:26:39,604 --> 00:26:41,301 Hey. Hey. 546 00:26:42,073 --> 00:26:43,539 Knock, please. 547 00:26:43,744 --> 00:26:45,118 I did. 548 00:26:51,883 --> 00:26:53,190 What's that? 549 00:26:54,619 --> 00:26:58,062 Oh, dad gave it to me. Says one day, I might even be able to meet her. 550 00:26:59,246 --> 00:27:01,374 Oh. That's... That's special. 551 00:27:09,758 --> 00:27:10,984 Hello, Veruca. 552 00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:14,455 Sit thine ass down. We need to talk. 553 00:27:15,055 --> 00:27:17,888 I get paid by the hour, even for talking. 554 00:27:19,116 --> 00:27:21,381 Or whatever you want. 555 00:27:21,718 --> 00:27:24,488 I know. I've been paying you for the last two years. 556 00:27:25,105 --> 00:27:27,907 You and I are not so different. 557 00:27:28,819 --> 00:27:33,154 You work with leather, i work with law, but ultimately, 558 00:27:33,179 --> 00:27:36,792 we're both very good at bringing people to their knees. 559 00:27:37,710 --> 00:27:39,171 I can see that. 560 00:27:39,476 --> 00:27:42,702 Excellent, because I am going to make you an offer 561 00:27:42,765 --> 00:27:44,187 you shouldn't refuse. 562 00:27:45,796 --> 00:27:47,068 Go on. 563 00:27:49,514 --> 00:27:51,850 There are four reasons mediation fails. 564 00:27:52,506 --> 00:27:54,496 One person is still in love with the other, 565 00:27:54,607 --> 00:27:57,491 one person hates the other so much, they won't be reasonable, 566 00:27:57,567 --> 00:28:00,314 one or both of you won't or can't trust each other, 567 00:28:00,339 --> 00:28:02,193 and denial of California state law. 568 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,729 Did you fill out the forms I sent you? - We did. 569 00:28:07,791 --> 00:28:11,541 But all these particulars, having to agree on the kids' diet. 570 00:28:11,612 --> 00:28:15,528 And vacation time and doctor's appointments, all that stuff has to be in our agreement? 571 00:28:15,572 --> 00:28:18,439 The more you have stuff figured out now, the less you have to fight about later. 572 00:28:18,493 --> 00:28:20,717 Yeah, but it just seems a little extreme. 573 00:28:20,951 --> 00:28:22,701 Like the religion thing, I mean, do we really have to know now 574 00:28:22,732 --> 00:28:24,740 who the kids are gonna be with on the high holidays? 575 00:28:24,772 --> 00:28:28,873 Well, you can always revisit, but yes. - Well, that does seem... I mean, I would... 576 00:28:28,928 --> 00:28:32,821 It is important to me to have it in writing that the kids continue to be raised jewish. 577 00:28:33,138 --> 00:28:35,396 Why wouldn't they be? - Well, you know. 578 00:28:36,067 --> 00:28:39,504 Also, I think it would be really great for us to have shabbat together every week. 579 00:28:39,770 --> 00:28:40,760 Okay. 580 00:28:40,785 --> 00:28:44,342 I just feel like the traditions weren't always that important to you. 581 00:28:44,387 --> 00:28:47,926 We've never done shabbat every week. But what do you mean by "you know"? 582 00:28:50,613 --> 00:28:53,106 His mother's not jewish. - Here we go. I don't have... 583 00:28:53,136 --> 00:28:55,478 I didn't get the magic blood. I'm not a real jew. 584 00:28:55,643 --> 00:28:58,463 I didn't say you weren't a real jew. I said you weren't a full jew. 585 00:28:58,533 --> 00:29:00,900 Maybe I should convert, even though I was Bar Mitzvahed. 586 00:29:00,932 --> 00:29:03,094 Let me stop you and... - I'm just saying i would like it in writing. 587 00:29:03,119 --> 00:29:06,758 Maybe you could tell us something from the torah, maybe about fidelity or being a nafkeh. 588 00:29:06,783 --> 00:29:07,542 Nice. - Okay. 589 00:29:07,583 --> 00:29:10,651 That's a slut, by the way, and I was faithful. - It depends on how you define that. 590 00:29:10,676 --> 00:29:12,628 And I'm not the one who's shtupping an actress. 591 00:29:12,653 --> 00:29:14,379 Who thinks 27 dresses is a classic. 592 00:29:14,441 --> 00:29:15,643 Okay. - How old is she? 593 00:29:15,668 --> 00:29:18,941 Let's take a ten-minute break and just... - How about we just stop for the day? 594 00:29:18,972 --> 00:29:23,472 I'm not feeling particularly reasonable, but maybe it's because I'm a fake jew? 595 00:29:24,028 --> 00:29:26,687 Would you move that? - You can get around it. 596 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,720 Oh, my God. - Jesus. 597 00:29:34,729 --> 00:29:36,333 Beep, beep, beep. 598 00:29:38,822 --> 00:29:41,572 I am fully prepared to be a dog in this game. 599 00:29:41,986 --> 00:29:43,564 Hey. - Hey. 600 00:29:45,254 --> 00:29:46,287 Say hi to daddy. 601 00:29:46,289 --> 00:29:47,551 Hi, Charlie. - Hi, dad. 602 00:29:49,965 --> 00:29:51,165 Um... 603 00:29:52,367 --> 00:29:54,759 You play with the ladder, and I'm gonna be right back. 604 00:29:54,797 --> 00:29:55,997 Okay, mom. 605 00:30:02,858 --> 00:30:04,537 You're a full jew, sorry. 606 00:30:04,894 --> 00:30:08,296 Thank you. My parents will be so relieved. 607 00:30:09,957 --> 00:30:13,424 And, um, about what you saw yesterday at the school... 608 00:30:13,493 --> 00:30:16,803 No, no. - I was telling him to stop contacting me. 609 00:30:16,985 --> 00:30:21,206 Abby, Abby, you know, it's none of my business, not anymore. 610 00:30:26,412 --> 00:30:28,275 Wow, no ring. 611 00:30:30,910 --> 00:30:32,110 Yeah. 612 00:30:33,514 --> 00:30:34,795 It seemed like it was time. 613 00:30:35,412 --> 00:30:37,446 Yeah. I should probably, uh... 614 00:30:43,057 --> 00:30:45,762 I just really want this mediation thing to work, 615 00:30:46,427 --> 00:30:48,939 to be as good as something awful can be. 616 00:30:49,862 --> 00:30:51,696 Me, too. - Good. 617 00:30:53,167 --> 00:30:54,942 And shabbat is a good idea. - Thank you. 618 00:30:54,992 --> 00:30:57,400 It's a good... It's a good tradition for the kids. 619 00:30:57,594 --> 00:30:59,665 Great. - Good. 620 00:31:01,642 --> 00:31:03,837 Did you see any new places? 621 00:31:04,324 --> 00:31:06,212 I did. They sucked. 622 00:31:06,214 --> 00:31:09,120 Oh, well, if you want me to check any out with you, I'm in. 623 00:31:09,175 --> 00:31:14,730 I just have this stupid baby shower thing, but I will be home in time for shabbat. 624 00:31:15,019 --> 00:31:17,487 Good. I got to get off that couch. It's killing my back. 625 00:31:17,525 --> 00:31:20,581 Oh, well, we could trade tonight. I could take the couch. 626 00:31:21,087 --> 00:31:22,351 Really? 627 00:31:22,876 --> 00:31:24,800 That would be great. Thank you. 628 00:31:29,704 --> 00:31:30,904 Okay. 629 00:31:34,583 --> 00:31:36,544 I never actually thought he would take me up on it. 630 00:31:36,575 --> 00:31:38,277 It's starting already, the guilt. 631 00:31:38,279 --> 00:31:40,316 I could have predicted this. - And now my back is killing me. 632 00:31:40,341 --> 00:31:42,561 Of course it is. - Do you know what Delia told me? 633 00:31:42,606 --> 00:31:47,353 That Gwyneth is renting this house for $120,000 a month. 634 00:31:47,355 --> 00:31:49,550 Typical Delia. - We're not supposed to tell people that. 635 00:31:49,581 --> 00:31:52,031 Is Gwyneth a client? - We're not supposed to tell people that. 636 00:31:52,056 --> 00:31:53,559 She is. - Oh, she so is. 637 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,293 You'll get no confirmation. - What is she like in person? 638 00:31:55,296 --> 00:31:58,605 In person, is she reedy like madonna, like she chose ass over face? 639 00:32:00,489 --> 00:32:03,262 She looks like a Grecian goddess. - Boo. Boring. 640 00:32:03,684 --> 00:32:05,705 And she seems to glow from within. - Oh. 641 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,129 By the way, doom baby, 642 00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,843 I got one of those slings, the fancy ones. 643 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,555 Is that enough? - Wait, no, no, the silk one? 644 00:32:14,415 --> 00:32:15,753 I got the same thing. 645 00:32:16,315 --> 00:32:17,563 Crap, I got the same thing. 646 00:32:17,594 --> 00:32:19,454 Just put your name on my card. - No. I am not doing that. 647 00:32:19,479 --> 00:32:21,854 I am not doing that. I'm gonna find something great. 648 00:32:21,878 --> 00:32:23,228 In your bag? 649 00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:26,958 Trust me. You will see. 650 00:32:27,862 --> 00:32:30,330 You can't give a baby tic tacs. - You can't give a baby rubber. 651 00:32:30,364 --> 00:32:31,864 You can't give a baby mentos. - I would not give a baby... 652 00:32:31,866 --> 00:32:33,927 You can't give a baby loose tobacco. 653 00:32:39,306 --> 00:32:40,506 I'm steamed. 654 00:32:40,508 --> 00:32:43,981 I give her a Cavalli changing pad, nothing, no reaction. 655 00:32:44,106 --> 00:32:46,422 Who looks miserable opening all these presents? 656 00:32:46,447 --> 00:32:47,914 No, I think she tried to smile. 657 00:32:47,938 --> 00:32:49,493 She just can't use her face. 658 00:32:49,902 --> 00:32:51,691 That's so wrong. - No, it's true. 659 00:32:51,719 --> 00:32:53,319 Did you see no one gave her my book? 660 00:32:53,321 --> 00:32:55,608 Did you notice that? - She probably already has it. 661 00:32:55,992 --> 00:32:59,925 My card was magnificent, hand-crafted calligraphy. 662 00:33:00,133 --> 00:33:03,749 I'm investing in a small artisanal stationery business. 663 00:33:03,781 --> 00:33:05,664 What? - That doesn't really sound like you. 664 00:33:05,695 --> 00:33:10,443 It isn't, but guess whose dominatrix has a small artisanal stationery business? 665 00:33:10,468 --> 00:33:11,170 Oh, no. - No, Lyla. 666 00:33:11,171 --> 00:33:13,491 What are you up to? - Yes, Abigail, social justice. 667 00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:15,958 I'm helping a sex worker better her life. 668 00:33:17,345 --> 00:33:20,547 Oh, it's so pretty. - Thank you, that's mine. 669 00:33:21,095 --> 00:33:22,975 Oh, I just love it. 670 00:33:23,595 --> 00:33:25,283 Is that baby jewelry? 671 00:33:25,319 --> 00:33:28,167 Where did you buy that? - I made it, actually. 672 00:33:28,951 --> 00:33:30,389 Well, it's incredible. 673 00:33:30,391 --> 00:33:33,214 Thank you very much. Manicure scissors, 674 00:33:33,327 --> 00:33:35,728 tweezers, bracelet, perfect infant jewelry. 675 00:33:35,753 --> 00:33:37,451 Well, half a bracelet. - Phoebe. 676 00:33:37,565 --> 00:33:41,197 The bracelet from Ralf? You gave baby Goodman whore jewelry? 677 00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:43,235 Desperate times. - Talk about an angle. 678 00:33:57,608 --> 00:33:59,069 How are you? - How are you, dear? 679 00:34:01,587 --> 00:34:03,852 That is Becca. - Oh, my gosh. 680 00:34:20,189 --> 00:34:22,198 Mistress, did I come on the wrong day? 681 00:34:22,569 --> 00:34:24,114 Aren't you gonna punish me? 682 00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:27,705 Dan, I can't keep seeing you. My calendar is just too full. 683 00:34:28,209 --> 00:34:30,762 What? Haven't I been a good slave? 684 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,229 Adequate. 685 00:34:33,836 --> 00:34:35,329 It's time for you to move on. 686 00:34:36,510 --> 00:34:37,975 Good luck to you. 687 00:34:46,755 --> 00:34:48,459 Abby, right? 688 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:51,489 Uh, yes. Becca, right? 689 00:34:51,821 --> 00:34:54,598 Uh, you know... how do you know Ellen? 690 00:34:54,924 --> 00:34:57,176 Does she coach your life? - Oh, no. 691 00:34:57,326 --> 00:34:59,619 Gwyneth used to babysit me when I was a kid, so... 692 00:35:01,267 --> 00:35:03,462 Becca, hi. - Babysat you? 693 00:35:03,850 --> 00:35:05,641 I hope it's okay. I just... 694 00:35:05,966 --> 00:35:08,892 I want to tell you how impressed I am with you and Jake. 695 00:35:08,953 --> 00:35:10,537 How you're handling everything. 696 00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:13,137 I wish my parents had been so mature when they split. 697 00:35:13,542 --> 00:35:15,024 Oh, thank you. 698 00:35:15,311 --> 00:35:18,944 And I think the kids are gonna love staying at the Paradiso. 699 00:35:19,215 --> 00:35:21,670 It's a little tacky, but it's like living in a hotel, 700 00:35:21,709 --> 00:35:25,213 and the location, it's like... - Uh, no, we haven't decided on anything. 701 00:35:25,488 --> 00:35:26,867 Really? 702 00:35:27,018 --> 00:35:28,986 Jake told me he signed the lease today. 703 00:35:29,425 --> 00:35:31,472 It's the right thing, don't you think? 704 00:35:35,264 --> 00:35:38,163 Are you okay? - I need to leave. Now. 705 00:35:38,545 --> 00:35:40,699 Okay. See you later. 706 00:35:50,130 --> 00:35:52,298 Hello, lovely. - Phoebe. 707 00:35:55,618 --> 00:35:58,349 You look amazing. - You look amazing, as always. 708 00:35:58,388 --> 00:36:00,862 Oh, thank you. - Are you still making jewelry? 709 00:36:00,956 --> 00:36:03,179 I am so still making jewelry. 710 00:36:03,993 --> 00:36:05,518 I'm starting a line. 711 00:36:07,050 --> 00:36:08,274 Ready? - Ready. 712 00:36:08,798 --> 00:36:10,792 Infant fabuleux. 713 00:36:11,649 --> 00:36:14,345 No. - Fine jewelry for infants. 714 00:36:14,370 --> 00:36:16,845 Brilliant. - And I want you to make it. 715 00:36:17,139 --> 00:36:19,827 Out of this? - You think you can work with that? 716 00:36:20,554 --> 00:36:22,594 Come on. Of course I can work with it. 717 00:36:24,914 --> 00:36:27,826 Dad, we can tell them they should only give people water 718 00:36:27,874 --> 00:36:29,859 if they ask. - I'll tell them. 719 00:36:29,898 --> 00:36:32,749 How about this? Every house... - I'll tell them, but, buddy, 720 00:36:32,804 --> 00:36:35,069 you've got to stop worrying about this so much, okay? 721 00:36:35,094 --> 00:36:36,899 I'm never gonna let you go thirsty. 722 00:36:37,204 --> 00:36:39,960 I'm so sorry, but this card was declined, too. 723 00:36:40,129 --> 00:36:41,971 What? That's every card I have. 724 00:36:44,233 --> 00:36:47,849 We don't normally do this, but we know you, so we could take a check. 725 00:36:50,173 --> 00:36:51,410 Thank you. 726 00:36:54,288 --> 00:36:56,467 Can't you shake? No, you just want to eat. 727 00:36:56,506 --> 00:36:58,319 I don't blame you. It's okay. 728 00:36:59,248 --> 00:37:00,911 Hi. - Hi, mom. 729 00:37:01,444 --> 00:37:04,061 Hi. Come here. 730 00:37:05,194 --> 00:37:07,795 Hello. Was the movie good? - Yes. 731 00:37:07,866 --> 00:37:09,095 Boys. - Okay. 732 00:37:09,224 --> 00:37:11,246 Give your mom and me a minute. 733 00:37:12,561 --> 00:37:13,983 Okay... Um... 734 00:37:16,332 --> 00:37:17,571 What? 735 00:37:19,254 --> 00:37:21,738 What the hell are you doing? All my credit cards were just declined. 736 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,316 I know. They're in my name. All the accounts are in my name. 737 00:37:24,371 --> 00:37:26,604 So what are you trying to prove, that you control me? 738 00:37:26,629 --> 00:37:30,641 No, I told you, don't provoke me. I'm so tired of it. 739 00:37:30,833 --> 00:37:33,932 Even mistress latex had to move on. 740 00:37:34,550 --> 00:37:35,750 You had me arrested. 741 00:37:35,751 --> 00:37:37,663 I drive a car that says "bitch on wheels." 742 00:37:37,687 --> 00:37:39,854 It was a prank, which you had coming, by the way, 743 00:37:39,893 --> 00:37:42,846 but you just made sure that I couldn't pay for food for our kids. 744 00:37:43,353 --> 00:37:45,955 Oh, my God, so dramatic. 745 00:37:46,009 --> 00:37:49,627 Dramatic? Jesus, Lyla, you don't even see yourself. 746 00:37:49,978 --> 00:37:51,985 I fired back, admitted, 747 00:37:52,079 --> 00:37:55,040 but when you play, you play to hurt, and not just me, 748 00:37:55,081 --> 00:37:56,493 Spencer and Eric, too. 749 00:37:56,548 --> 00:37:57,748 No. 750 00:37:58,633 --> 00:38:00,218 You never should have had kids. 751 00:38:00,243 --> 00:38:02,254 It's just not in your wheelhouse. - What? 752 00:38:03,118 --> 00:38:06,498 I'm gonna sue for full custody. How's that for dramatic? 753 00:38:20,429 --> 00:38:21,629 Hey. 754 00:38:25,267 --> 00:38:26,467 Hey. 755 00:38:29,037 --> 00:38:30,237 What's this? 756 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:31,647 I want you out today. 757 00:38:33,495 --> 00:38:34,875 What the hell? 758 00:38:35,034 --> 00:38:38,253 I just heard, from Becca, by the way, 759 00:38:38,514 --> 00:38:40,712 That you signed that lease. 760 00:38:40,816 --> 00:38:44,111 Okay, she told me that you guys met. 761 00:38:44,153 --> 00:38:47,199 I was gonna tell you as soon as I came home. - You were gonna tell me? 762 00:38:47,231 --> 00:38:49,173 You need to ask me first. 763 00:38:49,224 --> 00:38:51,099 Do I need to remind you that I... 764 00:38:51,126 --> 00:38:54,462 I don't know where our next dollar's coming from? I'm in real trouble. 765 00:38:54,487 --> 00:38:58,298 Whose fault is that? I'm not the one who told you to tell the world you were full of shit. 766 00:38:58,300 --> 00:38:59,766 And why do I have to ask? 767 00:38:59,768 --> 00:39:03,954 We have savings. I have access to savings. - I have savings. That is my money. 768 00:39:07,409 --> 00:39:08,979 Right, you have savings, 769 00:39:09,043 --> 00:39:12,991 because what I've contributed to this family doesn't count for dick to you. 770 00:39:13,157 --> 00:39:15,714 You're the one who told me to pursue directing exclusively. 771 00:39:15,746 --> 00:39:16,946 I shouldn't have said that. - No, you shouldn't have. 772 00:39:17,019 --> 00:39:20,285 And does this have anything to do with the fact that you heard it from my girlfriend? 773 00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:22,689 Does it? - Your girlfriend whose ass 774 00:39:22,691 --> 00:39:25,246 is hanging out in a poster... - Oh, God, come on. 775 00:39:25,271 --> 00:39:28,195 in our 14-year-old daughter's bedroom. Nice move, Jake. 776 00:39:28,196 --> 00:39:29,722 Well, maybe we should talk about it in mediation, 777 00:39:29,747 --> 00:39:32,132 and you can have it in writing that Lilly can have 778 00:39:32,157 --> 00:39:34,044 her dad's hot piece of ass hanging on the wall. 779 00:39:34,075 --> 00:39:36,516 As long as you get to cavort with a married man. 780 00:39:36,603 --> 00:39:40,134 At school where the whole world can see you. - Oh, whatever, whatever. 781 00:39:42,377 --> 00:39:44,712 I just want you out today, now. 782 00:39:44,863 --> 00:39:46,220 Just get out. 783 00:39:46,615 --> 00:39:49,400 And I suggest you hire a lawyer, because I have. 784 00:39:49,651 --> 00:39:51,212 Oh, is that what you suggest? - Yes. 785 00:39:51,251 --> 00:39:53,380 Thank you. I already have. 786 00:40:11,524 --> 00:40:12,727 Delia Banai. 787 00:40:14,024 --> 00:40:17,169 It's Abby, Abby McCarthy. 788 00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:21,692 I'd like to retain your services. 789 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,284 Hi, it's Jake Novack calling for Ben Carver. 790 00:40:30,362 --> 00:40:33,716 Um, I wanted to get the names of some divorce lawyers from him. 791 00:40:36,363 --> 00:40:38,745 Yeah. Uh, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to call you back. 792 00:40:38,807 --> 00:40:40,438 Dad, dad, dad, dad. - Hey, you guys. 793 00:40:40,463 --> 00:40:42,424 We rode all the way to the top of the hill. 794 00:40:42,452 --> 00:40:44,518 No way. - He only fell, like, ten times. 795 00:40:44,754 --> 00:40:45,964 Did not. 796 00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:50,490 Mom said we were gonna do shabbat, or... 797 00:40:50,648 --> 00:40:52,217 Yeah, we are. Um, I'll be right in. 798 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,398 Go ahead. I'll meet you in there. 799 00:40:54,436 --> 00:40:56,325 Shabbat, shabbutt. 800 00:40:56,947 --> 00:40:58,827 Charlie. Go. 801 00:41:04,486 --> 00:41:06,616 Bear with me here. It's been a while. 802 00:41:12,916 --> 00:41:14,185 Good job. 803 00:41:37,796 --> 00:41:40,032 And now the prayer over the children. 804 00:42:00,390 --> 00:42:04,990 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 805 00:42:05,305 --> 00:42:11,878 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org