Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...
Abby, what if we gave this thing one more shot?
SheShe wants to start a new divorce page.
Barbara is our... your managing editor.
- I didn't mean to insult you in any way. - Listen,
let's pretend there's a door here,
and I am shutting it.
I want a huge, crazy wedding.
I'm not anybody's blushing bride.
My pastry chef was supposed to be here,
but he ended up taking the bus.
There's a guy camping in your backyard.
Scott, Abby. Abby, Scott.
I don't think it's a good idea for us making this permanent,
you know, living together.
You loaded?
Are you loaded?
You asked if I was sure.
Becca has decided not to keep the baby.
And I realized I wasn't.
So I don't think I have to tell Abby, right?
Can I talk to you outside?
Okay, the kids could come out here.
- Abby? - Oh!
_
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. - Okay, maybe she didn't...
- She definitely did. Yeah. - This is disaster.
Shit.
What if she tells Lilly or Jo?
- She's probably telling Jo right now. - You know what? You know what?
Maybe she won't tell anybody. Maybe it-it's just like a bear.
She's more freaked out than we are.
That is not possible.
We need to talk to her.
Let's level with her, and let's ask her not to tell anybody.
We cannot ask a child to lie for us.
- Terrible idea. - Okay.
Let's tell the truth. Let's tell the kids.
Let's tell the world, out with it.
I'm not ready for that, for this.
- I am sorry, and you know what, I... - No.
I hate secrets, but I need this job at SheShe.
And now, now is not the time to tell people
we're still married.
I... I need something under my feet that is not shifting.
Okay, I get it.
Okay.
I can handle a little more undercover intrigue.
- It's not forever. - I know.
-- Synced/corrected by ChrisKe/PetaG -- -- and robtor --
Charlie, do you want bananas or raisins?
Charlie?
I am not riding with her ever.
- What? - She can't drive, hello?
She's learning, honey.
You can walk, but I'm starting my lessons on Monday.
- (Both) Morning. - Well, I'm not going to be there!
- All right. - Abby?
- Morning. - Hey, you guys,
- we're late. Let's get it going. - Yup.
Hey, dad, will you take me to the valley this weekend
- to practice driving? - Why the valley?
- Those people want to live too. - Ha, ha, ha.
They have really big, empty parking lots out there.
Sounds like a magical place.
- Yes. - (Jo) Pardon me.
- Hey, do you want some help with that? - No, sir,
I am learning to be self-sufficient, remember?
You look like shit.
You're not sleeping?
What? No, I'm sleeping.
Or something. Seriously, your face is like warmed-over ass.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Really, tweed? I expected you to have,
- like, Puerto Rican flags or to be... - No, these belong to Zooey.
She's going to visit Frumpkis and the Wicked Witch of the South.
I thought you were moving out like an adult.
Well, finding a place in L.A. isn't as easy as you might think.
Funny, I found the Paradiso really, really fast.
Because it's corporate housing.
It's soulless stucco boxes.
Maybe that crap's good enough for you but not for my kid,
and since I'm opening a bakery in dos Dias...
You don't have to move right away.
Could you say that with a little less enthusiasm, please?
Thanks.
Look, it was my idea to expand to the West Coast.
This is on me, so let me just get the doors open,
and I swear on my life I will find a place.
- Zooey, Uber's here! - Lilly...
- Bye. - Say good-bye to your mother.
Zooey, Uber's here!
- I'm here. - She's right there.
- Shut the door. Behave. Hey. - What?
Shotgun!
- Okay, I'll be right there. - Got it.
Okay, that was weird, but it wasn't like "we're in trouble"
- weird, right? - I feel like if she told,
then it would've been a whole other...
- But it was hostile. - Abby?
Abby?
May I have a word with you?
- Okay, sure. - In private?
- Of course. - Yeah, I'm gonna...
I'm got to drive the kids to school, then.
- Have a good day, Jake. - Okay.
Okay.
[Mouthing words]
I know this is none of my business.
I am so sorry that you had to see what you saw,
and I'm sure it's very confusing.
Not if you and Jake are back together. Are you?
- That is a big question, and... - Oh.
And sometimes life can be very complicated.
Lilly and Charlie can't know.
They've been through this so many times.
It's not fair to the kids.
That's right.
I won't say anything.
I cannot ask you to lie for me.
I'm leaving for two weeks.
You're the one who has to lie.
[Jazzy music]
Bye.
♪ ♪
- Bye. - ["Bombastic" by Bonnie McKee]
♪ I'm on a mission to search and destroy ♪
♪ don't get it twisted, I'm ready to make some noise ♪
I was literally sitting here trying to figure out
how I could get all my work done from here
in this bed with you.
Well, you do do pretty good work in bed.
I do have a meeting, though,
- at 9:00, with manufacturing... - [Grunting]
I know, about the new line.
[Grunts]
I guess I approve.
Hey, what are we gonna eat tonight?
I was thinking Nobu?
Be a great place for our engagement party.
Did you say engagement party?
Just a few dozen friends, maybe one toast, and done.
A few dozen?
I don't have time to plan an engagement party.
Well, then why did we hire a wedding planner?
You hired her?
Jonathan is gonna take care of everything.
Your only job is to show up and marry me.
[Soft rock music]
♪ ♪
Mmm, I think I can do that.
♪ ♪
[Bell ringing]
♪ ♪
Phoebe, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the editorial
you wrote for the parent newsletter.
Oh, wow, thank you, Ellen.
I had no idea you'd gone through all that.
I'd love you to come talk to my economics class.
Most people think there's no child labor in the U.S.,
but clearly you had a different experience.
Yeah, I would be honored.
- Great. I'll email you some times. Okay. - Okay.
- [Bell ringing] - Thank you.
[Mouthing words]
What does that even mean, "A crowded field
of vegan treateries"?
Wha... we're a vegan bakery.
- That is our brand. - Hey, Marco, it's me again.
- Uh, can you call me back? - All right.
- Thanks. - Well, you know what?
- What's going on with Marco? - Ooh.
I had a little too much to drink the other night.
Oh, okay.
And I thought it was okay with us, but I guess we're not.
Wait. What?
Oh, you want me to make the phone call for you?
Sure, yeah, I'll do your job.
On a lighter note,
Ellen Tedford asked me to speak in front of her class.
- Hey, that's awesome. - I know.
- Congratulations. - Yeah, you got it, sweetie.
Okay, bye. [Phone beeps]
Mother... [sighs]
Who's that?
Idiot PR lady.
She's barely doing any press for the opening.
Apparently we're not distinctive enough.
We need a hook.
What was your hook in New York?
We sell vegan stuff, and it's frickin' awesome,
and Scott's the go-to guy in Brooklyn,
but according to asshole here,
we're late for the food-free food party in L.A.
- Scott, tent Scott? - Yes.
Do not sleep with him.
I'm serious. Goes for everyone.
I'm... Delia too.
- You tell her that. - Jeez.
He's hot as hell, but he's kind of a sex addict.
[Phone buzzing]
[Phone beeps]
Speaking of, that's...
That's the sexy smile.
That's Will. Is that Will?
That's Will.
[Chuckles] Sexy Will.
He adores you.
Um, yes.
Jo, what is happening with your apartment hunt?
Wow, you just can't
stop pushing me out the door, can you?
No, I... no, I was...
I left a message for a realtor.
Her face looked very nice on the bench.
Okay, well, if there's anything I can do to help, I...
You want to help me?
You get every person you know to come to the bakery
so I don't go broke.
I got to go.
Do not touch Scott's twinkie.
I'm serious.
[Disco music]
♪ ♪
- I couldn't wait to tell you. - Mm-hmm.
She was like that robot girl in the... what was that show?
- (Both) "Small Wonder." - So scary mature.
So she actually said, "we can't tell the ch...
We can't tell the children?"
Basically, she did.
- Wow. Creepy. - Yeah, but you know what?
It makes me sad, because I don't...
I don't want our kids to feel like they have to parent us.
I want them to feel safe and secure.
Our kids don't feel that way.
- No? - Mm-mm.
Also, they know that we are going through a transition.
For example, I am transitioning into a person
who's not wearing pants.
[Laughs]
Ow, what is that?
What? Oh, sorry.
That is called an independent film production office
right here on my bed.
You are a fancy Hollywood director.
[Motor buzzing and revving]
I'm gonna kill those guys.
- What is it? - Damn leaf blower guy.
Hey! Turn it off! It's all right.
- Hey! Hey! - Let it go.
Turn it off!
- Jake? Hey. - Yeah! Thank you!
Come back to bed. [Sighs]
Which one of those beautiful ladies is the love interest
of Mr. Lovett?
We're not doing that. Not at all.
What? But he's your star.
Right, but we're... kind of.
I mean, we're kind of...
We're thinking about the whole thing differently.
He doesn't have a love interest.
He doesn't come in till the third act of the film.
Who thought that was a good idea?
It's a dramatic tension thing.
- I thought it would... - What?
Are you giving me notes right now?
Because I thought it was playtime.
Sorry, no notes, no notes. I'm sorry.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sorry.
Such a know-it-all, my God.
Can't help it.
Actually, though, I want...
I meant to ask you one thing,
which is... this,
here, this...
Does this guy play to you as military intelligence?
He's a little young.
- Okay, right? - Right.
That's what I thought, but casting are...
We are working.
Oh.
- Yeah. - Sorry.
Do you think maybe this place is too real for playtime?
You think we need more of a "Fantasy Island" vibe?
Yeah, like a fancy hotel where we could...
[Exhales sharply]
We could get room service, have lots of sex.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, what is the place with the, um...
- The little... the little sundaes? - The little sundaes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll look it up.
No, no, wait, I can't. I have a meeting at 2:00 at SheShe.
I don't care.
If they saw us right now, I'd be so fired.
'Cause you are so full of shit.
- 'Cause you're... - Hey. Hey, stop.
I just... just cancel that meeting.
I can't.
It's with my managing editor and the woman who hates me.
I'm pitching divorce stories.
Okay, well, go pitch your divorce stories
and then go to the hotel
and have sex with your husband.
No! ***
Well, come to the opening,
because we will show you who's derivative-ing who.
Unbelievable, some vegan asshole...
- Can you sign here, please? - Stole our frickin' faux-hos recipe,
and he's tweeting it from his bakery.
- Thank you. - I saw it this morning.
Now look.
Taste this.
Oh, my God.
What is this?
Our new signature, the cruffin nookie.
Part muffin, part cookie, made with croissant dough
and baked to a crispy perfection.
The n in "nookie" is just there to sound dirty.
- This is unbelievable. - Mm-hmm.
How'd you make the croissant dough without butter?
Are you kidding? There's, like, a pound of it in there.
We're a vegan bakery.
Not anymore.
When we did that in New York, it was, like, a radical shift,
but now we're in L.A.
The fat can be the new nonfat.
Wrong, this is the vegan capital of the world.
Jo, you're not even a vegan anymore, and I'm not a vegan.
I've never been a vegan.
I have to eat this sorry-ass way because I have allergies.
Take this delicious abomination,
destroy all evidence of this.
Jo, I am an artist, and artists need to grow.
No growing. You hear me?
You stay the exact same size.
No growing.
No change.
Now, I got to go apartment hunting, so when I return,
this place better be piled high with vegan crap.
Come on!
- Whoa. - Whoa.
- Hi. - Hi.
Going somewhere?
Yeah, a quick meeting out of the office.
You're gonna have to cancel it.
I have some bad news.
Grant Manning is dead.
What? When?
A couple days ago, ski accident.
Black diamond run, hit a tree.
- How awful. - Yeah.
Please forgive me for what I'm about to ask.
I'm way ahead of you, and the answer is no,
he did not sign the divorce agreement before he died.
Shit.
Albert, I've worked on that case for over a year.
Yeah, well, it's as if it never happened.
Annie is still his wife,
and she's fighting his daughter for property.
What can I do?
Be in the conference room at 2:00 P.M. to mediate.
Okay, be back in an hour.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're still leaving?
Yeah, I agreed to meet with a wedding planner.
- It starts. - No, Albert, it stops.
I meet once, and that's it.
Then I'm done.
Everything's gonna be taken care of.
[Indistinct chatter]
Want to go around again?
Yeah, sure. Why not?
[Clears throat]
[Indistinct chatter]
What are you wearing? I thought we were playing.
You are.
Walt.
Who's Walt?
I hired a Manny to play sports with the boys while Max is gone.
Yeah, he takes them surfing, plays tennis, football,
basketball; It's great.
Okay, so I get the Manny?
You don't seriously want to play basketball with me.
No?
So I will be Max's emotional proxy
while Walt runs your ass off.
- Walt, this is Jake. - Oh, hey, man.
- Thanks for letting me play. - My pleasure.
Now you kick my ass? Is that right?
Come on, dude, we're just gonna have some fun, right?
Look. I tell you what.
You mind if I warm up a little bit?
No, stretch it out.
Yeah.
So he's a strapping young man,
and your husband's out of town, and...
- He's straight. - Mm-hmm.
And it's not even like that.
No, he did four years in Afghanistan.
He's going to UCLA.
He's a good role model for the boys, so get your mind
out of the gutter.
All right, your turn.
Max tells me Becca's pregnant?
Wow, way to respect the cone of silence, Max.
Well, did you tell him there was no spousal dispensation?
No.
Okay, well, then the cone includes me.
You know the rules.
What'd Abby say?
You haven't said anything?
You know, things are delicate between us right now.
You know what?
Your kids are about to have a baby half-sibling.
I mean, if you think this is gonna get
easier to break to Abby the longer you wait,
you are seriously clueless.
[Grunting]
Whoo.
[Upbeat music]
Hold on, are we talking about your housekeeper, or...
No, Brittany's.
The housekeeper's name is Brittany?
No, sorry, the... Brittany is my friend.
Marta is her housekeeper.
Marta got married in Guatemala, but she broke up in the U.S.,
and she's been trying to get a divorce,
but she needs her ex to sign the papers,
and she has no idea where he is.
Okay, Abby, uh,
what we want from you is your unique angle.
- Right. - Lifestyle, aspirational, sexy.
I just want to be more sensitive to our readers,
many of whom are going through very difficult divorces.
Their Guatemalan husbands are missing?
Some of them,
and I just thought it would be good
if we could mix in some earthy, grounded stories with the fun.
But you're the sexy face of divorce, okay?
You're not here to write about the sad, upsetting side.
Ew, that's Barbara's face.
No offense.
So we want to see you out there at, um, gallery openings
and fashion shows, artisanal food fairs.
Barbara is going to oversee you on this.
Ooh, call Cowan and get a list of escorts.
No, not escort-escorts.
I actually know one of those.
I'll bet you do, but we're actually looking
for someone who's gonna look good in the photo.
Ooh, get some buzzworthy men, or women, hey, whatever, right?
Okay, so 1,000 words twice a week
plus some glam photos of Abby's adventures.
Ladies, let's sell some divorce.
[Jazzy music]
I know sounds ***
but I do think that this place needs both of us.
Gee, thanks, person who's been here five minutes.
Idea.
I think you should go on the dates instead of me.
I can tag along with a photographer
and write all the pieces, but then you get to be glam.
First of all, I am glam.
Secondly, you're the sexy face.
I'm the brains.
That's what he said.
That is not exactly what he said.
Look, I get it.
This is too real.
The world is not ready for this.
They all want to pretend to be you.
Hell, I want to pretend to be you.
Yeah, but, you know, we could...
We can't.
I'm good at what I do.
I will set this thing up,
and then we'll see if you're any good at what you do.
- I... - Mm-mm.
Okay. Door.
♪ ♪
We're downtown.
Yes, I noticed that when I was driving in.
It took me 45 minutes to get here.
I guess I'll just have to get back in the car and go back.
Oh, come on, babe. It's just a meeting.
Albert's going to understand.
No, he won't. One of my cases fell through.
If I don't fix it today,
the company's gonna lose a shit-ton of money.
- Where's Jonathan? - I have no idea.
You're the first face that I've seen.
Hello?
Anybody here?
I'm on a clock.
Jonathan?
I am, and this is my assistant, Mayi.
Hmm. I am Delia Banai,
and this is my fiancé, Gordon beech.
Follow me.
[Ethereal music]
♪ ♪
I'm sorry. Wh... what is this?
Choose five items.
What for?
It's a game just to get a sense of your taste.
I don't do games.
Maybe you could ask me direct questions.
Invisibility or the power of flight?
I'm sorry?
If your engagement photographs
are going to reflect who you are as a couple,
then I need to know who you are,
so invisibility or the power of flight?
I'm sorry. We have made a mistake.
I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
[Sighs]
Yeah, just give us a second.
Delia.
Okay, that person planned Clooney's wedding?
Come on back in, just 15 minutes, that's it.
Do you have any idea how much 15 minutes is worth in my day?
I know it well. I've paid your rates.
And what does money have to do with anything at all?
This is not about the money.
We have all the money we could ever need.
This is about the firm.
I'm a partner, okay?
I care about what I do.
I don't care about the power of invisibility.
Oh, I don't either.
The power of flight, 100%. [Scoffs]
[Chuckles]
I'm gonna see you later.
Delia.
[Sighs]
We're only getting married once.
Please just enjoy it with me.
Go back inside.
Make all the decisions.
I'll agree to whatever you want.
[Bass music]
♪ ♪
Scott? Are you here?
Kitchen.
- [Grunts] - [Bell rings]
So you find a place?
Why are the shelves empty?
Where's the baked stuff?
Check these out.
I call these carrot crakes,
made with carrot cake but baked with a croissant dough.
Stop it with the croissants already. What are you doing?
Where are the faux-hos and the cheeseless cheesecake
and the no-bake, dairy-free biscottis?
- What are you doing? - Do you hear yourself?
Faux, less, no, free,
you are literally pimping deprivation.
Vegans like deprivation.
That is why they are vegan.
Yeah, well, not this guy, not anymore.
So do you know what?
- I quit. - Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey!
You are gonna stay here.
You're gonna do your job.
I don't want a job.
Oh, well, excuse me, Mr. Artiste.
You know what?
- I plucked you from a farmers' market... - Ah, don't even...
A c-list farmers' market, baby,
and you're gonna bail on me?
You used to be the ballsiest chick I knew,
and now you're just a...
- Just another capitalist drone. - You're the one without the balls.
You're afraid you can't cut it in L.A.
- That's what's going on. - I...
I hate L.A., little dogs in purses,
but you know what?
I'm stimulated.
Yeah, I'm having ideas.
[Percussive music]
Change is good, Jo-Jo.
It feels like shit, but it's good.
♪ ♪
Ladies, sorry I'm late.
Michelle, Annie,
my sincere condolences for your loss.
My loss.
Dad was divorcing her.
Ladies, I understand.
This is very emotional for you both,
but I have been told there is just one issue
that needs to be resolved, and I'm confident that we...
You're not getting the sperm.
He agreed to let me have it in the divorce settlement.
He never signed the papers.
He wanted me to have a baby.
Ladies, let's talk about something that we can agree on.
We can agree that this psychopath,
who was my best friend through junior high and high school,
who practically grew up in my house, and the minute
that I leave for college is screwing my dad, nice.
You know what?
You are not getting one ounce of my father's jizz,
do you understand?
♪ Ooh, think you like me ♪
[Disco music]
[Indistinct chatter] ♪ what I was thinking ♪
More vitamins in this thing
than I consumed all of last year.
Maybe start putting tomatoes on your in-n-out burgers.
Unlikely.
Just a suggestion.
So I don't know. I just wanted to...
I wanted to check in and see how you're feeling about everything.
I'm okay. It depends on the day.
[Murmurs indistinctly]
A baby, that's... that's a big decision.
Huge, it is,
and I got to say,
I feel like I kind of talked you into it.
I mean, well, you know, you had decided to not have it.
- And then I said whatever I... - Well...
it's just really important, whatever you do,
that you follow your own instinct on it
and that it's your decision, you know?
So you're saying I shouldn't have the baby?
No, I'm... well, maybe.
I'm saying you should do...
That you should know that whatever you are gonna
do is going to affect, you know, your life.
So why do I feel like we're talking about you?
No, we're not talking... well, I mean,
I've been very clear that
I can't do the baby thing again.
I thought you understood that.
I mean, I've had my kids,
and I... my life
is moving in a very different direction right now, and I
just want to make sure we're on the same page with that.
Right.
- Okay, don't... don't get upset. - Totally same page.
I'm just...
What's happening?
I'm having the baby.
Okay.
Thanks for checking in.
I...
Hey, what's up? You wanted to see me?
There's a fashion show downtown
at the new Broad Saturday night.
Several top designers are premiering new pieces.
You'll be wearing one of them.
These are for me?
Take them. Try 'em on.
More are coming.
The stylist will decide.
I have a stylist?
We want sexy face to look as good as possible.
Well, who are the designers so I can look them up?
Why? You don't need to know.
Well, how am I gonna cover the fashion shows
if I don't know who the designers are?
Calm down, Katie Couric.
You won't be reporting.
You'll sit in the front row with your date, who is TBD.
We'll take pretty pictures.
You will write about being you, and now I have a meeting.
[Mid-tempo music]
Shakespeare, right? [Knocks]
[Laughs] Come on in.
Thank you.
What is that?
That is a wedding look book put together by my fiancé
and a cartoon character named Jonathan.
You're not gonna look at it?
Hmm? Uh, I abdicated.
Whatever Gordon chooses is fine with me.
Really?
Really.
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
[Clears throat]
Wow.
You know, I've never seen you in feathers,
but I'm sure that you can pull it off.
Yeah, it is not gonna work, Albert.
Will the aerialists be up there
during the entire ceremony?
Ooh, pandas.
[Jazzy music]
♪ ♪
[Squeaking, water running]
Who's there?
[Faucet squeaks]
Hey, babe.
Jesus. Where have you been?
You haven't returned any of my calls.
I got caught up.
Hey, where's that lip balm with the, uh...
What is it, rose or whatever?
I need it.
I'll... I'll find it.
Hey, hey.
I got it.
What?
What's this?
It's something I wrote for the parent newsletter.
They actually want me to talk about it in front of a class.
- [Chuckles] You wrote this? - Yeah.
[Chuckles] That's funny,
'cause you didn't even graduate high school,
and now you're gonna teach
at one of the most elite schools in L.A.
Why would you say that?
Okay, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no, mm-mm.
Have you been drinking?
Huh?
I said, have you been drinking?
Uh, maybe.
It's not a big deal, whatever. No, it's a-it's a big deal.
I think you need to call your sponsor, Marco.
Okay, shh, we're just gonna go to bed, okay?
- Come on. - No, I don't...
- Come on. - I don't want...
Marco, this is serious.
[Solemn music]
♪ ♪
[Upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- Thank you. - Yes, sir.
- Swanky. - Mm-hmm.
I should have worn one of those outfits SheShe lent me.
- Oh, for one of your dates? - Yeah.
Now, who are those dates with?
Um, they're still hunting for somebody
worthy of the face.
- I'm worthy. - You are.
- Mm-hmm. - [Chuckles]
Mmm. [Camera shutter clicks]
Oh, God, oh, God. Walk away. Walk away.
- Somebody recognized me. - What? What?
[Camera shutter clicks, indistinct chatter]
- What? - Congratulations, Shannon.
You look incredible.
Is David here too?
He's inside booking a room.
It's date night, sweetheart.
The feng shui worked.
Put nine in a bowl.
[Indistinct chatter]
Abby!
- Can you believe that? - Yeah, she wasn't taking a picture of you.
No, her camera was pointed directly at my...
It was pointed at the real housewife of... you know,
the actually famous person that was kind of nearby.
Oh, my God.
[Chuckles] Blonde with the...
- It was hilarious. - Yeah.
Okay, let's go. Let's go back.
It's just...
What, are you mad?
When you think somebody might recognize you, you ditched me.
It's a little embarrassing.
because of my job.
I can't have somebody Instagram
a picture of me at a hotel with my ex-husband.
Husband. We haven't actually filed the papers.
Okay, please keep your voice down.
I don't think I will, because I'm not hiding anything.
I'm not hiding either. We've talked about this.
I literally just scraped my career out of the toilet, Jake.
I know.
Okay, fine, so how long do we have to do this?
Because if we are gonna work,
you have to ditch the doyenne of divorce thing.
- You have to. - Oh, it's not that simple.
Come on, would you... would you change your career?
Would you quit your movie if I asked you to?
It's not the same thing.
I don't have to lie to do my movie.
- I'm not lying! - You are!
I'm trying to figure things out.
I'm trying to figure out us,
me, my... my voice.
Oh, your voice.
Okay, forget work then.
Have you told your friends about us?
- Of course not. - Of course not.
We decided that we wouldn't
until we knew what we were doing.
I know. I want you.
I don't want you to go on stupid dates.
I want to come home.
Can you admit that you don't know if you want me?
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
No, you can't.
["Bad Romance" playing]
♪ Oh, oh, oh, caught in a bad romance ♪
♪ Rah, rah, rah-ah-ah ♪
♪ Ro, mah, ro-mah-mah ♪
♪ Gaga, ooh-la-la ♪
♪ Want your bad romance ♪
♪ Rah, rah, oh-rah-lah ♪
- ♪ Ro, mah, ro-mah-mah ♪ - Hey.
Hey.
Oh, man.
[Clears throat]
- Do you want a coffee? - No, I'm good.
Been drinking coffee all day.
Meetings, you know.
We could have just met at my house.
I can't go to your house anymore, Pheebs.
I'm struggling, babe,
and I can't... I can't get right if I'm with you, so...
I don't have to drink around you.
- It's not your fault. - It's not gonna work.
Listen, we've done this before, okay?
Um...
I got to do this on my own.
I'm sorry. [Sighs]
Yeah.
[Sobbing]
[Indie rock music]
♪ ♪
[Camera shutter clicking]
[Indistinct chatter]
- Hey, just three straws. - Yeah.
[Indistinct chatter and laughter]
♪ ♪
Hey. The place looks fantastic.
♪ ♪
[Woman singing indistinctly]
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hi. - Thank you.
So Jo was up all night last night helping with the "baking."
Oh, is that what kids are calling it these days?
- Yes. - Baking?
- I want to bake you so bad. - Want to bake your face off.
The baker just pinched my ass.
Oh.
I would be mad, but he's so cute.
- Attention, everyone! - [Clapping]
Thank you so much for coming to the opening of Rize.
- Yay. - [Cheers and applause]
Scott and I decided to come up with something new.
To the right are all of our vegan favorites from Brooklyn.
You have Scott's famous faux-hos, yummy, all that jazz.
Now, to the left,
we are unveiling Scott's new left-coast creations
featuring the sexiest thing out of the kitchen
since Scott himself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the cruffin nookie.
- [Whispers] Yeah. - Oh.
- Whoo! - [Cheers and applause]
- Yeah! - Ooh!
- [Applause] - [Laughs]
I'm sorry, but the sign says it has butter?
It should also say three days on the treadmill, like,
without sleeping or eating.
No, seriously, Rize will cater to the vegan and the non.
Seriously?
I thought this guy was the next vegan Jesus.
Scott's an artist.
He is. He's a genius.
He's at the forefront of the big tent vegan movement,
which starts here today.
Yeah, you want vegan? Swipe to the right.
You want butter, you swipe to the left.
We've got something for your hipster girlfriend
and your grandma from Wisconsin.
Everyone's welcome, except for dicks.
If you got a problem with that,
L.A.'s got a zillion other vegan treateries
right out that door, pal.
[Speaking spanish]
[Cheers and applause]
- Cheers, cheers. Cheers. - Everyone eat. Yeah!
Whoo!
- Thank you for that. - Of course, you're welcome.
You know, I've been thinking, maybe we should...
I'm not gonna sleep with you.
Okay.
[Rock music]
♪ ♪
- To Jo. - Whoo!
Mm.
- Salud. - [Murmurs indistinctly]
Mm, oh, we need more champagne.
You should go.
[Chuckles]
- Hey, girl. - Hey.
Hey.
I know I've been a beast these past couple of days,
but, um, Scott tells me change is good,
and I'm gonna pretend that goes for me too.
- [Laughing] - I'm sorry.
Aww, does that mean we're good?
Well, we, uh... we could be.
- We could be. - Good.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
[Both laugh]
Am I supposed to talk more?
Well, I was hoping you'd tell me the real reason
why you kicked me out is because you're...
You're back with Jake.
What's wrong?
Marco and I are done.
- Officially over. - Hmm.
He started drinking again,
and I guess he can't get better with me around.
Zooey told you?
Zooey knew?
Uh, she...
How... how did you know that...
I... well, Jake's always around the house
with the... with the... hanging out with the heart-to-hearts.
Back up. How did my kid find out?
Um...
No.
She walked in on you? Oh, my God.
- No, no, we were... - Did she see his penis?
We were kissing. That's all.
That's all. We were just kissing.
You told her not to tell me?
Of course I'd never do that!
No, Zooey actually thought that it was best
that she keep it to herself.
Are you listening to yourself right now?
Oh, God, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.
I should have told you.
Just all this bullshit
about it being in my best interest to move out
- when it was really about you... - Could you lower your voice, please?
Sliding back in the crazy with Jake!
You know what? Just, all my stuff with Jake,
that's really none of your business.
It is when my kid walks in on it.
Well, your kid walks in on it
because you have been living at my house
for the past couple of months.
Come on, Jo. Do I get any credit for that?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the frickin' Abby show all over again.
Wait. Which show is that?
Is that the show where I save your ass over and over?
Because that is in fucking reruns at this point.
It's the show where you pretend to be something
you are not, like happy,
or single,
or a good friend, my God.
[Tense music]
- Jo. - Uh-huh.
I am so sorry about everything, especially Zooey.
I should have... I should have come to you right away.
Water under the bridge.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, do you have to run?
Uh, yeah, I've got to pick up some packing supplies and boxes.
Oh, you found a place?
- Yeah, I did. - That's great.
- It's temporary, but it'll do. - Yeah.
You know, we just... we really need to get out.
[Sighs]
You're not gonna say anything to anyone about Jake, are you?
Unbelievable.
[Phone chimes and beeps]
Tell Jake he can come over anytime.
Uh, the coast is clear.
[Solemn music]
♪ ♪
[Jazzy music]
♪ ♪
- [Knock at door] - Come in.
Your 11:00's here.
There's no name on the schedule.
New client.
Okay, send him in.
Hey, handsome.
Wish I knew you were stopping by.
I've got a client about to come in here any second.
- He just did. - Excuse me?
Jonathan?
Okay, what is happening?
Okay, I booked a half an hour of your time
to take engagement photos.
We don't even have to go anywhere.
We can do them right here in the office.
I know your time is valuable. That's why I scheduled some,
and I promise you're gonna see less and less of Jonathan.
- You're pretty smart. - Hmm.
You should meet the woman I'm marrying.
[Percussive music]
Jonathan?
- Yeah. - [Clears throat]
[Relaxed music]
♪ ♪
Yes.
♪ ♪
Yes,
and... yes.
♪ ♪
[Grunts]
I need to tell you something.
Yeah, I wanted to tell you something too.
Oh, okay.
Jo is moving out.
Really?
- For reals, and... - [Sighs]
And radical honesty?
A little scared now, but okay.
Um...
I'm just not ready to live together again.
Okay.
I just feel like I've started something,
and I need to see it through.
I've got the book. I've got SheShe.
Well, I can't be your boyfriend, Abby.
I know. I get that. I do.
And I'm saying that whatever we had,
we were miserable.
Yeah, and we're doing better, trying harder.
And you have to stop pretending like it isn't happening.
I mean, we might be together for the rest of our lives,
and I might not be the face of divorce after all,
but I really do need something different.
[Gentle music]
I get that.
- [Sighs] - Yeah.
Just one day at a time.
Okay?
♪ ♪
Mm-hmm.
♪ ♪
You wanted to tell me something?
[Sighs] Okay.
♪ ♪
- Radical honesty. - Yeah?
♪ ♪
I'm going to Latvia for four months.
Right.
Yeah, we cannot make any big decisions before that.
♪ ♪
Oh, okay, sure.
♪ ♪
We'll figure it all out post-Latvia.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, exactly. - Okay.
♪ ♪
[Grunts]
♪ ♪
- Thank you very much. - You're welcome.
Howdy, neighbor.
[Laughing]
[Upbeat pop music]
♪ ♪
[Camera shutters clicking]
♪ ♪
-- Synced/corrected by ChrisKe/PetaG -- -- and robtor --
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