1 00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,344 Flat white to go for Maury. 2 00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,596 Maury? 3 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,143 Maura? 4 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:16,808 Mary? 5 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,986 - I made that one already. - Oh, who's this for? 6 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,109 Alexander. But keep up the good work. 7 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,441 - Okay. - So what'd you want to talk about? 8 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,573 Uh, I think it's maybe better if we do that in your office. 9 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:30,452 Oh. I'm so sorry you won't be gracing us with your presence anymore. 10 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,283 And I'll see you in about a week 11 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,539 when you quit whatever bullshit gig you're leaving for 12 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,871 and come back here begging for your old job again. 13 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:40,629 Ray, I know that it must hurt to see someone leave all of this, 14 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,335 but it's really not a bullshit job, so... 15 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,090 - RAY: What is it? - What? 16 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,050 The bullshit gig, what is it? 17 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,726 GQ magazine. 18 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:54,601 Did they need someone for a before picture in a makeover article? 19 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,057 Uh, no, it's a writing job. 20 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,561 They saw one of my pieces online 21 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,484 and I'm going to be working for a new section... 22 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,733 "Field Guide to the Urban Man." 23 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,314 Who's the sponsor? 24 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,566 What do you mean? 25 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,651 There's no way GQ hires you to be a staff writer. 26 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,782 So it's obviously one of those advertorial sections 27 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,785 where it looks like a real article so they trick you into reading it, 28 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,537 but then you find out it's a paid advertisement 29 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,368 which is both morally and creatively bankrupt. 30 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,579 So who's the sponsor? 31 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,631 Neiman Marcus. 32 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,675 (LAUGHS) Neiman Marcus? 33 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,253 Do you think I'm fucking excited, Ray? 34 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,805 Do you think that I think this is the best use 35 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,601 of my literary voice and my myriad talents? 36 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,929 Maybe we should talk about this back in my office. 37 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,434 - No. - Excuse me. 38 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,766 I already quit. There's no reason for me to go to your office. 39 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,853 RAY: Stop making a scene in front of the customers. 40 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,322 I am coming with you as a gesture of friendship. 41 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,991 Though I am not your employee, so I don't technically have to. 42 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:55,443 RAY: Right now! Ripped By mstoll 43 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,294 RAY: Set the pick! 44 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,296 Up high. Rotate. 45 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,922 Isolate. Clear out. 46 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,255 - I got you. Turn it up. - (BOTH YELL) 47 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,350 RAY: Here, and one. 48 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,019 Nice job. 49 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,438 (MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 50 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 51 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,203 (PHONE RINGING) 52 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,163 - Hannah Horvath's office. - MAN: Mike Lawson, please. 53 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,998 Okay, um, I'm new here, so, uh, maybe you just... 54 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,208 (DISCONNECTS) 55 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,085 Okay. 56 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,928 It's a cappuccino, Dean. It's not a cup of chino. 57 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,229 Okay? Fucking animals. 58 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,156 - (LINE RINGING) - (CLEARS THROAT) 59 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,163 Hello? 60 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,336 RAY: Yes, hi, I'm trying to reach Marnie Michaels, please. 61 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,288 This is she. May I ask who's calling? 62 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,758 - It's Ray. - I didn't recognize your voice. 63 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,301 Did you not recognize my voice? 64 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:33,222 No, I did. I'm calling you, so I already know... 65 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,674 You know, I was just going fora little joke there. What's up? 66 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,226 - How can I help you? - Right. 67 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,974 Uh, as to the matter at hand. Uh... 68 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,188 - (CLEARS THROAT) - I don't know if there is a matter at hand. 69 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,891 I was just calling just to check in with you, really, 70 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,317 and just to say that I, um... 71 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,812 I enjoyed spending time with you the other day. 72 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,193 Yeah, that was, um... 73 00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,446 That was definitely unexpected. (CHUCKLES) 74 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,620 - Indeed, yes. Most unexpected indeed. - (MARNIE CLEARS THROAT) 75 00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,288 So, anyway, yeah, I just wanted to check in and... 76 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,161 Could you stop saying "checking in"? It's fucking weird' 77 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,955 It's a fucking thing people say, okay? 78 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,753 Relax. I'm using semantic convention to sound accessible. 79 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,378 - Oh, my God. - Anyway, I'm calling you 80 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,836 just to say, you know, lets not let all this affect our friendship. 81 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,261 But we're not even friends. 82 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,464 Then so let's not let it affect that either. 83 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:16,969 Okay, will do. 84 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,555 Look, I'm trying here, okay? 85 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,012 I'm trying to follow the protocols of a gentleman and a squire. 86 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,517 - But if you keep... - Okay, thank you. 87 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,474 And, um, if you'll excuse me, I'm just in the middle 88 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,855 of watching a pretty interesting television program, so... 89 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,982 - Yeah? Which one? - Do you care? 90 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,189 - Not at all. - Okay, bye-bye. 91 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,240 (DISCONNECTS) 92 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,508 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 93 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:53,885 (BEEPS) 94 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,052 What? 95 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,130 - I do care. - About what? 96 00:04:57,214 --> 00:05:00,218 About which shitty television program you're watching. 97 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,052 - I care. - Prove it. 98 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,141 (DISCONNECTS) 99 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,848 Marnie? 100 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,069 - Hey. - Hey. 101 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,578 - What's up? - Nothing much. 102 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,667 Yo. 103 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,670 (CHUCKLES) Can I help you with something? 104 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,497 Sorry, I was just screwing with you. Sorry. (CHUCKLES) 105 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,253 - Hey, I'm Joe. - Hannah. 106 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,926 - Nice to meet you. - I know. I know all about you. 107 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,095 I read your piece about, um... 108 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,594 (WHISPERS) Cocaine on JazzHate.com. It was very funny. 109 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,052 Yeah, I feel like that wasn't as retweeted as it should have been. 110 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,683 - So I appreciate the support. - No, I'm not on Twitter. 111 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,732 - But, uh, I'll instagram it later if you want. - (CHUCKLES) 112 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,229 I don't think that even makes sense. 113 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,561 - So... - No, it doesn't. 114 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,114 I bet you're probably wondering right now, "Where do I go to pee?" 115 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,488 I'm really wondering that. 116 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,865 Yeah, no one tells anyone anything around here. 117 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:04,118 They just assume you have corporate sonar. 118 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,824 Yeah, but I wouldn't call this a corporate job. 119 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,955 I mean, this is GQ magazine. It's a literary institution. 120 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,128 (SHUSHES) Careful. 121 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,207 You don't want the real GQ writers hearing you say you work at GQ. 122 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,543 - Wait, why? - They're really fucking snobby 123 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,253 about the difference between editorial and advertorial. 124 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,054 I don't know if you heard about that, 125 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,849 but, which is such fucking bullshit because we all work at the same magazine. 126 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:26,645 You know? We're all here just selling our souls. 127 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,807 Totally won't say it again. 128 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,395 Anyway, um, enough blabbering. 129 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,400 Um, why don't I give you a quick tour? 130 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,072 Okay. Great. 131 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,242 Uh, the women's room is back this way. 132 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,991 Unless you want to see the snack room first. 133 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,999 You just said "snack room" and everything blurred. 134 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,075 (CHUCKLES) 135 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,538 And then there's donuts 136 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,248 and finger sandwiches in the afternoon. 137 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,254 - Finger sandwiches? Cool. - Finger sandwiches. 138 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,086 - So help yourself. - Oh, uh, I don't know. 139 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,012 Maybe later. I'm on kind of a budget. I don't know. 140 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,091 Is it like... Do you swipe your employee ID or is it an honor system? 141 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,472 (CHUCKLES) What? No, it's all free. 142 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,767 - It's free? - It's all free. 143 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,565 - You're saying all this is free? - Yeah. 144 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,609 - Even the Sun Chips? - Yeah. 145 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,436 - Even the Clif Bars? - Yeah. 146 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:20,649 Even the lox, which is disgusting, but very expensive? 147 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,826 It's actually Russ & Daughters. It's pretty good. 148 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,574 Oh, my God. 149 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,037 Mmm. It's 11:45. We got to go. 150 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:33,044 Just give me one moment to catch up with you. 151 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,425 Guys, this is Hannah. Han... 152 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,297 Hannah? 153 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,175 - Hi. - Hey. 154 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,676 Um, I'm Hannah, 155 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,555 and I feel I may have overdone it on the snacks a little bit. 156 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,356 No, I said I needed a christening dress. 157 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,903 So what's the problem? 158 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,781 Christening dresses are usually white, aren't they? 159 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,153 Not the chic ones. 160 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:06,157 And also, isn't that small for a one-year-old? 161 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,364 Uh, no, unless your child is morbidly obese, 162 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,789 in which case I can't help you. 163 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,741 - All right, I'll take it. - Fabulous. 164 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,164 Anyways, as I was saying, 165 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:19,875 Ray really seems to have the respect of his peers on the court. 166 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:20,959 Oh, that's amazing. 167 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,261 It's really hard for a Jew to gain respect in sports. 168 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,337 Mmm. Mmm-hmm. 169 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,764 He's not a Jew, though. 170 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,307 Right. 171 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,976 So his new coffee place 172 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,145 is such a refreshing departure from the average java house grind. 173 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,767 - I've never been there. - Oh, no, me neither. 174 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,600 That's just what Time Out New York said. 175 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,395 "Despite the unfortunate familiarity of its name, 176 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,196 "Ray's is a refreshing departure from the average java house grind." 177 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,867 Ray is being written about in popular service publications and my life is a mess. 178 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,114 And I know that that was a personal choice, 179 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,537 but I feel like maybe it is time for me to unchoose that choice. 180 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:52,957 Like, step one, I need to be in a solid, mature, committed relationship 181 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,956 with someone who understands my goals and values. 182 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,503 Like Berren. 183 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,330 Is that the guy with the deep V? 184 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,962 You're right. Parker's a much better choice. 185 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,552 He's just so stupid 186 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,801 that I worry that our children wouldn't get into preschool. 187 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,801 See, I live with my boyfriend in Brooklyn. 188 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,886 Oh, nice. You're shacking up. 189 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,721 - I guess so. Um... - What does he do? 190 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,522 Like, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. 191 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,726 Karen's boyfriend is actually in a very similar field. 192 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,105 He was in a very similar field. 193 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,984 Wait' so it's officially over between you and Jake, 194 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,532 or he just finally got a real job? 195 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,406 - It's like a little bit of both. - (CHUCKLES) Right, right. 196 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,738 - But which one? - Hi, everyone. 197 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,118 - KEVIN: Hello. - I see you've met Hannah. 198 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,576 - Hannah, you've met the team? - Yep. 199 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,877 And I see you found the snack room as well. 200 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,046 Oh, yeah. These are not just for me. 201 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,132 Great. All right. So reiterating once again, 202 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,630 "The Field Guide for the Urban Male." 203 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,507 - We need eight types. - Mmm-hmm. 204 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,089 Something like you'd find in a bird watchers' manual, but funny. 205 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,594 Not corny funny, smart. 206 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,675 Client doesn't want a bunch of sarcastic bullshit. 207 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,807 I also want you to be thinking about the corresponding looks 208 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,935 that Neiman Marcus could roll out to store windows and catalogues. 209 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,063 So far we have the Millennial Man's Man, 210 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,144 Mr. Midnight, and the Gowanus Yachtsman. 211 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,981 So let's hear what else you guys have. 212 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,150 Hannah. 213 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,111 Okay, I haven't come up with a name for this yet, 214 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,617 but it's like he's a dad, but he's not trying to be the coolest dad. 215 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:17,121 But he's also embracing vintage Bill Cosbyish dadness, 216 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,328 so that actually inherently makes him cool. 217 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,504 - And what would you call it? - Classic Dad? 218 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,957 - Or, um, Dad Classic. - That's good. 219 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,168 Or, if you want to be a little sassy, 220 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,095 - "Kewl Dad," cool spelled K-E-W-L. - (CHUCKLES) 221 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,638 - Kewl Dad? - Kewl Dad. 222 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:33,512 Yeah, that's a type worth considering. Anyone else? 223 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:37,391 I have another. Um, the Kaballer. 224 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,972 He is a little sleazy. 225 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,978 You know, he's out looking for sex, 226 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,105 but he's wearing a kabbalah bracelet so you know he's spiritual, 227 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,482 and he'd, like, fuck some serious enlightenment into you. 228 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,940 Oh, no, big-time. He's got, like, drawstring yoga pants, 229 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,946 - widow's peak like Justin Theroux. - 100%. 230 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,027 Neiman Marcus doesn't sell a widow's peak, 231 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,489 but worth considering. I'll write that down. 232 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,199 Anyone else? 233 00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,910 The Mod Hatter. 234 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,629 So like a snappy dresser in an understated hat? 235 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,881 Sort of. 236 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,429 Okay, I think we have to make sure that it's not like 237 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,178 a "Hey, look at me. I'm wearing a fedora or a pork pie hat." 238 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,885 - Yeah, fedoras are worse than genocide. - The worst. 239 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,096 No, I mean Mod Hatter, 240 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,307 as in one of those guys you see walking down the street... 241 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,357 Kevin, you know, I actually don't think that's a type. 242 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,106 I think that's just some guy you saw. 243 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,654 - Thank you, Kevin. - You're welcome. 244 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,153 Anyone else? 245 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,490 I have a couple more. 246 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:38,039 Has anyone ever, like, gotten in trouble for overdoing it with the snacks? 247 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,366 Has anyone ever been spoken to? 248 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,042 Girl, I gained, like, 14 pounds my first week here. 249 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,994 I never want to see another Sun Chip again. 250 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,497 - (BOTH CHUCKLE) - See you soon. 251 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,127 (PHONE RINGING) 252 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,421 Hannah Horvath's office. 253 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,298 JOE: Hey, yo, it's Joe. 254 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,550 - Hi. Mmm-hmm. - I believe we've met. Remember me? 255 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,927 Look to your left. 256 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,303 Other left. 257 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,136 - Hello. - Hey. 258 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,313 Okay, Kevin hates me. 259 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,937 I mean, I'm used to people being belittled by my rapid-fire mind pace, but this is... 260 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,189 - Did Karen say anything? - About what? 261 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,070 About me. 262 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,239 No, why? Are you, like, into Karen or something? 263 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,033 (SHUSHES) No. I mean, maybe. 264 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,405 I don't know. 265 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,453 (STUTTERS) Why, did she say that she thinks I'm into her? 266 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,576 We really did not discuss it. 267 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,454 Yeah, that sounds like Karen. 268 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:26,288 She's so taciturn and guarded and (SIGHS) complicated. 269 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,918 Well, have you ever asked her out? 270 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,999 Yes, once. 271 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,047 Almost. (STAMMERS) 272 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,220 Don't tell her that I told you that I almost asked her out once. 273 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,011 - I'm not telling Karen anything. - Good. 274 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,888 You're a total psycho. 275 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,719 Okay, thanks. 276 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,725 Anyway... Shit. I've got to go. 277 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,681 - Okay. - Lose my number. 278 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,278 MAN ON LAPTOP: Up next... 279 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,982 - WOMAN: This psycho bitch wants to tell... - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 280 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,242 - Hey. - Yo. 281 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,949 Uh, could you take your shoes off' please? 282 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,832 Yeah, wouldn't want to scuff this pristine linoleum you got here. 283 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,839 I brought you some vegan muffins. 284 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,133 Wow, muffins from the place you run. 285 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,710 What an extravagant gesture. 286 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:17,343 Yeah, would have brought you some scones, but we're running a little low. 287 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,891 So, ready to watch some, uh, shitty TV? 288 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,427 No one asked you to come here. 289 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,477 Look, I know you're going through a hard time lately. 290 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:30,277 Okay? And I also know that's the last thing you'd ever admit to anyone. 291 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,570 Okay? So why don't we just sit down together 292 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:37,526 like not friends and you could introduce me to your televiewing sensibilities? 293 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,907 Well, have you ever seen reality television before? 294 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,540 I've seen Ken Burns' jazz documentary about 17 times. 295 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,620 - Does that count? Absolutely not. 296 00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:51,957 No way. No, it doesn't. 297 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,667 Um, okay, let's see. 298 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:57,425 Which Real Housewives locale is the most intriguing to you? 299 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,384 The one set in Prague. 300 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,933 - Beverly Hills? - Sure. 301 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,351 Okay. 302 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,513 - (CLICKS) - WOMAN: I paid Shana. Left her $400, 000... 303 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,150 (ADAM GRUNTS) 304 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,773 - Hi. - (GROANS) 305 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,651 Hi. (CHUCKLES) 306 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,698 - Hi, my love. - (GRUNTING) 307 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,993 Oh, you are so excited to see me. 308 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,486 (BOTH MOANING) 309 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,826 - How was it? - It was amazing. 310 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,539 I mean, I was nervous at first, 311 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,492 but then they were like, "Tell us your ideas." 312 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,579 And I told them my ideas, and they all said, "Great ideas." 313 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,789 - Yeah. - And then... 314 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,544 This is all free. 315 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,254 It's all shit. 316 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:43,387 It's all full of chemicals and fake salt and pigeon bones. 317 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,309 This is just beef. 318 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,552 (CLATTERS) 319 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,730 Well, anyway, I didn't pay for any of it, so... 320 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,023 How was your day? 321 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:54,228 Had another fucking audition. 322 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,404 That's great! How was it? 323 00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:00,780 Well, I walk in and they have the videotape camera. 324 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,236 And the casting woman was like, "Look into the camera. 325 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,196 "Give us a smile and say your name." 326 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,078 These fucking people. And so I looked in the camera and I said, 327 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,751 "Hi, my name is Adam Sackler and I don't smile on command." 328 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,579 And she was like, "It's called fucking acting." 329 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:16,087 I was like, "No, it's called fucking see ya 'cause I'm fucking out of here." 330 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,084 What a total bitch. 331 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:23,138 But, you know, if you really want to get an acting job... 332 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,683 I don't want to get an actual job. 333 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,265 Then why are you going on auditions? 334 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,516 The challenge. 335 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:33,816 I just like reading emotional cues from strangers 336 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,814 in a high-pressure situation. 337 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,772 Yeah, that definitely makes sense. 338 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,028 But you know what else would be a cool, fun challenge? 339 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,280 Would be, like, actually getting a job. 340 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,111 And then we'd be able to pay all of our rent 341 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,787 and we'd never have to worry. 342 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,490 I could sell these on Etsy for, like, 20 bucks each. 343 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,575 People are fucking stupid. 344 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,087 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 345 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,670 - Marnie. - (SHUSHES) 346 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,093 Marnie, sorry to interrupt. I think I slipped out. 347 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,139 - Okay. Okay. Yes. - Would you mind putting it back in? 348 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,966 - Okay. Okay. - Okay, yeah. 349 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,801 - Okay. - That's much better. 350 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,808 - Thank you. - Okay, you're welcome. 351 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,688 Hey, Kevin. 352 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,986 I'm really sorry if I upset you during the meeting yesterday. 353 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,153 You really didn't. 354 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,323 Well, you rolled your eyes at me, so... 355 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,196 I really didn't. 356 00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,494 Come on, dude. What's your problem? 357 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,201 I just don't like you. 358 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,742 Oh, come on. Who even says that? 359 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,997 It's 'cause I had, like, one better idea than you? 360 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:37,250 No, it's because I don't like your face. 361 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,340 Wait, my face? 362 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,544 You're not ugly. I am not saying that. 363 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,504 I'm just not into it. It annoys me. 364 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,510 Your mouth... 365 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,842 It makes me want to rip it off your face. 366 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:52,350 You look like someone I dated who I hated even while I was dating them. 367 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,520 Man or a woman? 368 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,349 - Oh, come on. - I wasn't trying to be a jerk. 369 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,605 I want to know if you think I look like a woman or a man. 370 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,686 - Great. - Kevin, I don't want to fight. 371 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,238 Come on, what can I do? 372 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,031 I don't know, get a new face? 373 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,117 Everyone knows I'm the Sun Chip guy here. 374 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,695 You know what? I'm gonna say this 375 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,496 because nobody else around here will say it, 376 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,665 but you're doing a dope job. 377 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,788 Oh, uh, thank you so much. 378 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,245 - Yeah, dope by Janice's standards. - Word. 379 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,296 You're really gonna make a name for yourself. 380 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,717 Thank you so much, but I'm not really trying to make a name for myself. 381 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,590 I mean, I just kind of want to get in, get out. 382 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,262 I'm not looking to take Janice's job. 383 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,759 Why not? 384 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,511 'Cause I'm a writer. 385 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,933 Yeah, we're all writers. 386 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,306 Yeah, but I'm like, no offense, just a writer writer. 387 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,606 Not like a corporate advertising, working-for-the-man kind of writer. 388 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,400 Who is? Kevin over here won a Yale Series 389 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,603 of Younger Poets award back in 2009. 390 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,863 - KAREN: Mmm-hmm. - You're a poet? 391 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,406 I dabble in the dark ans. 392 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,405 And Karen has had some great pieces in n+1. 393 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,576 It was a while ago, but, yeah. 394 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,576 It's like an unpacking of the Jersey Shore through an imperialist lens. 395 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,579 JOE: That was such a totally great piece. KAREN: No, it's not. 396 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,086 Are any of you jerks gonna say my thing, or do I have to say it myself? 397 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,663 Joe had a talk piece in The New Yorker. 398 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,293 He wasn't even a year out of college. 399 00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,751 JOE: Which is how I got this job, by the way. 400 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,586 And thank God I did 'cause I was, like, 401 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:09,593 right on the verge of packing it in and moving back to Arizona. 402 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,095 KEVIN: Me, too. Not Arizona, but... 403 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:15,394 No health insurance, no dental, no corporate gym membership. 404 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,938 But you all still write, like, your own pieces and stuff, right? 405 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,982 Like your own spiritually fulfilling work? 406 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,525 KEVIN: I don't know about that, but we write. 407 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,275 Yeah, of course. Sometimes. 408 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,026 Yeah, I'm thinking about some ideas for things. 409 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,109 I'm gonna dive back in as soon as I figure out my next move. 410 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,781 How long you all been here? 411 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,033 JOE: Five years. KAREN: Three years. 412 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,409 KEVIN: Forever. 413 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,576 (SIGHS) 414 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,714 I'm so sorry. I just need one minute. 415 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,648 I don't regret a single moment of my wild months, 416 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,192 but those oats have been sowed and now it's time to get back to reality. 417 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,362 - Totally. - But, I mean, I have a history, Parker. 418 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,439 I have been there and I have done that. 419 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,695 I'm very Je Ne Regrette Rien-y about it, 420 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:13,278 but is that something that you think you can handle? 421 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,659 Caitlyn told me that you told her 422 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:19,083 that I was literally the dumbest person you had ever met. 423 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,707 Um, that's just weird. 424 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:25,507 And she said that I... (STAMMERS) 425 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,800 I couldn't find the library, 426 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,719 which is now obviously not true. 427 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,677 Okay, you're getting off topic. 428 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,599 Also, does that sound like something that I would say? 429 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,643 No. That sounds like one of Caitlyn's stupid jokes 430 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,265 because she thinks she's so provocative. 431 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,439 - Okay. - But if you don't think you're ready 432 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,562 for a serious girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, tell me now 433 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,814 because I do not have any more time to waste on frivolities. 434 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,479 I'm down for whatever. 435 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:52,150 I totally think you can tie your shoes, by the way. 436 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,323 Hey, Janice, do you have a minute? 437 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,534 Sure, Hannah. Come on in. Have a seat. 438 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,414 Thank you. 439 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,121 You know, you've been doing a great job. 440 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,547 Oh, uh, thank you. 441 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,875 You remind me a lot of myself 10 years ago. 442 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,835 Uh, thank you. Um, speaking of which, 443 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,421 uh, I don't want to be here in 10 years. 444 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,552 - Why not? - I don't know. 445 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,225 I'm just realizing how easy it is to get seduced by the perks 446 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,722 and the money and the free snacks. 447 00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,806 And then suddenly I wake up in 10 years and I'm not a writer anymore, 448 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,765 I'm a former writer who works in corporate advertising. 449 00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,022 And that is not my plan. 450 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,853 All right, Hannah. There's a lot of other people 451 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,984 who would love to have your job. 452 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,236 That's it? 453 00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,360 That's it. 454 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,927 Hey, Janice. You know, I actually thought about it 455 00:20:57,006 --> 00:21:00,351 and I have decided to stay if my position is still open. 456 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,225 I'm putting copper pipes in my house. I really can't deal with this right now. 457 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,399 You want to just e-mail me and let me know if you still work here? 458 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,271 Aren't you supposed to work today? 459 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,897 No, I texted Keith and told him to open. 460 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,274 - Huh. - He's a good man. 461 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,321 Yeah. I keep meaning to come down and... 462 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,320 Oh, shit. 463 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,410 Fucking doppelgängers. 464 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:28,246 MARNIE: Yeah, and they look just like Hannah and Adam, too. 465 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,377 Yeah, that's what "doppelgängers" means. 466 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:33,084 - No doy, Ray. - Ah, good one, Michaels. 467 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,421 Thank you. I know what "doppelgänger" means. 468 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,390 So wait, Hannah told me that you were fundraising 469 00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,887 for inner-city schools or something? 470 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,388 - Is that right? - (CHUCKLES) No, no, it's not right. 471 00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,220 That's classic Hannah hyperbole. 472 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,429 All I did was put a jar by the register 473 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,981 so people can make donations if they wanted to. 474 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,309 - Oh. that's like... - Yeah, that's nothing. 475 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,234 I'm not like George Soros or something. 476 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,778 Yeah, no. Not at all. 477 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,400 One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't spend 478 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,359 a semester abroad in Africa, you know, 479 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,114 doing volunteer work and stuff like that. 480 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,779 Well, you know, maybe that's for the best. 481 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,535 - What do you mean? - Well, you know, I mean, 482 00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,332 I think it's pretty clear by now that Western aid 483 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,330 has been shown to be the very thing 484 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,582 keeping Africa so impoverished and underdeveloped. 485 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,586 Maybe it's a good thing. Teach a man to fish and all that. 486 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,591 That's a little bit racist, Ray. 487 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,627 That's not even a little bit racist. 488 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,838 That's not even remotely racist, okay? 489 00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:21,344 That's a rigorous truth about a very flawed policy. 490 00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,175 - And it's a little bit fucking racist. - (SCOFFS) 491 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,852 - Okay, let's skip it. - Dude, what's your fucking problem? 492 00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:26,179 - What is my problem? - Yeah. 493 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,732 My problem is I don't understand how you can be so completely dumb. 494 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:31,400 - Oh, my God. - That's my problem. 495 00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,148 - Dumb? - Yeah, not technically dumb, 496 00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:37,733 but, you know, at a core spiritual level. 497 00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:41,786 Well, at least I'm not the one crying about how I'm too smart for grad school. 498 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,363 How dumb is that? 499 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:45,072 Okay, I never said too smart. I said too wise. 500 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,032 Okay, well, if you're so wise, then why are you running 501 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,084 a coffee shop in Bumfuck, Brooklyn? 502 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,878 I could ask you the same question right now about those bracelets. 503 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:55,128 Who goes to the gym with pavé diamond bracelets? 504 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,504 These aren't fucking pave. 505 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,177 They're not even close to pavé. 506 00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:00,346 You don't even know what pavé is. Who's the dumb one now? 507 00:23:00,421 --> 00:23:03,550 Okay, look, you may think my position is counterintuitive, 508 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,602 but it comes from a deep and unwavering love for Africa and its peoples. 509 00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,475 Okay, I love Africa! 510 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,307 Fucking weird thing to say. 511 00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,731 Okay. 512 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,357 That didn't... 513 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:17,905 That didn't come out the way I wanted it to. 514 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,074 - Which part? - Most of it. 515 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,696 Most of the back end part of it. 516 00:23:21,775 --> 00:23:24,870 I apologize for that. Could you please sit down? 517 00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:26,493 Why? 518 00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:30,292 'Cause you have no one else to eat lunch with 519 00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:32,369 and neither do I. 520 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,251 Thank you. 521 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:42,012 - Dumplings were pretty good. - Mmm-hmm. 522 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,344 Should we get some more? - Hmm. 523 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:47,643 Excuse me, ma'am. Could we get some more dumplings, please? 524 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:53,978 (SNIFFLES) 525 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,198 (PHONE RINGING) 526 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:04,993 (VOICE BREAKING) Hannah Horvath. 527 00:24:05,069 --> 00:24:06,366 JOE: Are you crying? 528 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,868 No. Why, did someone hear me or something? 529 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:12,327 Uh, no, but you're okay? 530 00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,244 Mmm. 531 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,709 Uh, yeah. I'm okay. 532 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,383 Okay. Good. 533 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,677 You know, you could still be a writer and do this job. 534 00:24:21,752 --> 00:24:24,551 You've just got to... (SIGHS) You've got to maintain your focus, you know? 535 00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:27,679 You've got to write every night after work and on the weekends. 536 00:24:27,758 --> 00:24:30,432 - Is that what you do or... - Yeah, that's what I do. 537 00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:33,390 I mean, no, I've definitely slacked off a little bit 538 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:36,100 in the past year or two, but it's doable. 539 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,730 No, you know what? You're right. 540 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,279 You're so right. Nights and weekends. 541 00:24:40,354 --> 00:24:43,198 Exactly. Anyway, I've got to go. 542 00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:47,115 Okay, so now that we're officially a couple, 543 00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:49,913 I think that we should have no less than four hang nights a week. 544 00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:53,209 - Cool. - Um, potential hang night activities include 545 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:56,708 - non-sports TVwatching, um, light reading... - (MOANING) 546 00:24:56,787 --> 00:24:58,835 ...um, board games, 547 00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:01,337 - um, comparing playlists. - (GRUNTS) 548 00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,636 Can we maybe just talk about this later? 549 00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,964 Um, honest and open communication about mutual needs 550 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,344 is, like, the cornerstone to any healthy relationship. 551 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:10,176 I know, but I just... 552 00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:13,012 If you're afraid of intimacy, then maybe you're just not ready for this. 553 00:25:13,095 --> 00:25:14,847 - Do you want me to stop? - No. 554 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,184 There's no need to terminate sex just because we're not meant for each other. 555 00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:21,487 - God, you're so dumb, Parker. - (GROANS) 556 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:23,781 - Can you pull that harder? - (MOANS) 557 00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:25,779 - Thanks. - (GRUNTS) 558 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,203 We could also, like, just snuggle. 559 00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:33,408 - Like sometimes just snuggling is good. - I like snuggling so much. 560 00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:34,491 (GRUNTS) 561 00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:39,835 Well, today was not as good as yesterday. 562 00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,210 - So... - (SOBBING) 563 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:44,460 What's wrong, Adam? 564 00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:45,836 (CONTINUES SOBBING) 565 00:25:46,295 --> 00:25:48,047 What's going on? 566 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:52,761 I got a callback from an audition that I killed. 567 00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:53,969 I fucking murdered it. 568 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:57,933 I cut its fucking guts out and left it in a dumpster by the side of the road. 569 00:25:58,015 --> 00:26:00,859 Oh, my God! I'm so happy for you. 570 00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:03,153 But, baby, I actually have to go and write right now 571 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:06,607 because I'm doing a new thing where I write every night for three hours no matter what. 572 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,112 - No, no, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes. 573 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,819 It's for our future. I love you. 574 00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:11,575 I really do. I'm so proud of you 575 00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,451 and I can't wait to hear all about it later 576 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,498 when I'm done with my writing time. 577 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,497 You should have seen these other fucking jabronis 578 00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,419 they called in for the audition. 579 00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,748 They were all keyed up and nervous like it really mattered. 580 00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:23,753 And I... I... 581 00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:26,756 You know, I showed up late because I wasn't even sure if I was gonna go. 582 00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:29,338 So I kind of got there last minute and they just slipped me in. 583 00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:33,016 Only had 10 minutes to look at the sides that they'd given me. 584 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:56,322 Oh, thank you. Ripped By mstoll 584 00:26:57,305 --> 00:27:03,868 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org