1
00:00:00,186 --> 00:00:01,603
<i>Previously on How I Met Your Mother.</i>

2
00:00:01,811 --> 00:00:03,123
<i>She was completely amazing.</i>

3
00:00:03,219 --> 00:00:05,827
<i>She was amazing and funny and...</i>

4
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- You have feelings for Ted?
- Maybe.

5
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I've just been offered a fellowship
at a culinary institute in Germany.

6
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- Do you wanna try long distance?
- Yes!

7
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'This long distance thing sucks, huh?

8
00:00:17,074 --> 00:00:18,802
'And I really need to talk to you tonight.'

9
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- She's gonna dump me!
- She's not gonna break up with you, Ted.

10
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Hello?

11
00:00:23,217 --> 00:00:25,255
Do you want to come over?

12
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Sync by vNaru

13
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<i>Kids, your grandma
always used to say to me,</i>

14
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<i>'Nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m.'</i>

15
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<i>She was right.
When 2:00 a.m. Rolls around,</i>

16
00:00:45,072 --> 00:00:46,863
<i>just go home and go to sleep.</i>

17
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<i>Case in point...</i>

18
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,639
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted, it's Robin.

19
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Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?

20
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<i>Let's back up a little bit.</i>

21
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Sit.

22
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Good boys. Okay.

23
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Remember, stay out of the liquor cabinet.

24
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See you tonight.

25
00:01:21,454 --> 00:01:24,621
So, the life of a television reporter
is very rewarding,

26
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and I strongly urge you
to consider it as a career.

27
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Thank you.

28
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- Yeah.
- Do you have a fiancé?

29
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Marshall was here yesterday.
They just learned the word 'fiancé.'

30
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No, I don't have a fiancé.

31
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Then who do you live with?

32
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Well, actually, I've got five dogs.

33
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Don't you get lonely?

34
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:49,446
No, I've got five dogs.

35
00:01:49,707 --> 00:01:52,811
My Grandma has five cats
and she gets lonely.

36
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Well, yeah, that's cats.
I'm not some pathetic cat lady.

37
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Not that your grandmother is...

38
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Does anyone else have a...

39
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- Yes.
- Are you a lesbian?

40
00:02:02,154 --> 00:02:05,546
No, are you? Just because a woman
lives alone doesn't mean she's a...

41
00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:09,194
Okay. Let's have a big hand
for Robin the reporter!

42
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All right, our next guest is another friend...

43
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So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks
'cause I just saw one. What up. Tiny five.

44
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Laugh now. Those kids are monsters.
They're gonna eat you alive.

45
00:02:22,153 --> 00:02:24,193
He has a job doing...

46
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- What do you do?
- Please.

47
00:02:27,592 --> 00:02:29,097
Kids, let's rap.

48
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You guys don't give half a brown Crayola
what I do for a living, do you?

49
00:02:32,136 --> 00:02:35,559
- No.
- No, no. I know what you want.

50
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- Magic.
- Yeah!

51
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,416
- Hello?
- Why hasn't she called yet?

52
00:02:41,512 --> 00:02:43,111
Okay, you're making yourself crazy.

53
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:45,224
It's Saturday night.
Go out and do something.

54
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:49,223
No, what's the point of going out?
I got a girlfriend. For now.

55
00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,855
Besides, if I go out,
who's gonna watch the news?

56
00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:52,071
I'm like half your viewership.

57
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I'm flattered you think we have two viewers.

58
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And, we're clear.

59
00:02:58,407 --> 00:03:00,198
So, Scherbatsky. Got a boyfriend?

60
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No, and why does this
keep coming up today?

61
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:04,774
I just thought that guy you
were on the phone with...

62
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What? Oh, no. That was Ted.
He's just a friend.

63
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I mean, there was this moment
where we almost dated,

64
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but we want completely different things.

65
00:03:12,742 --> 00:03:14,501
Anyway, now he has his girlfriend
in Germany...

66
00:03:14,597 --> 00:03:16,229
and he thinks she's calling
to dump him tonight,

67
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but I don't think she is.

68
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And, besides,
we want completely different things.

69
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- We should have sex.
- What?

70
00:03:23,045 --> 00:03:24,421
Why not?

71
00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:27,461
We're both available. We're both
attractive. We're both good at it.

72
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At least, I'm good at it.

73
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And even if you're not, don't worry.
I'll have a good time either way.

74
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Well, moving past the horrifying image
of your hair helmet...

75
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clanging against the headboard,

76
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I don't get involved with people I work with.

77
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Get involved? Who said get involved?
I'm just saying we should have sex.

78
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- We're on in five, four...
- It'd be fun.

79
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Having sex is fun.

80
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Home number. Call me anytime.

81
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A lot of local teams in action tonight.

82
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Hey, guys.

83
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Miss me?

84
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I missed you, too.

85
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Hi, Ted, it's Robin.

86
00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:57,041
Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?

87
00:05:03,645 --> 00:05:06,394
- Ted?
- Yeah. Hi, I'm here.

88
00:05:07,453 --> 00:05:11,039
- Do you want to come over?
- Why? What's up?

89
00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:15,764
Well, I just finally set up my new juicer,

90
00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:18,044
and I was gonna make some juice.
And I was like,

91
00:05:18,139 --> 00:05:20,748
'You know who likes juice? Ted.'

92
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I love juice.

93
00:05:23,515 --> 00:05:27,265
Great, so you want to come over
and make juice?

94
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<i>When it's after 2:00 a.m. Just go to sleep.</i>

95
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<i>Because the decisions you make after
2:00 a.m. Are the wrong decisions.</i>

96
00:05:34,427 --> 00:05:37,361
Okay, sure, I'll come over, we'll...

97
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- juice.
- Yes, we'll juice.

98
00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:42,516
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.

99
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,432
Bye.

100
00:05:50,169 --> 00:05:52,601
This is fine. This is totally fine.

101
00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:53,849
What's fine?

102
00:05:53,945 --> 00:05:57,657
Oh, I'm going over to this girl's house
to make some juice.

103
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Nice.

104
00:05:58,809 --> 00:06:02,232
No, it's not like that.
We're juicing as friends.

105
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See, I have this girlfriend.

106
00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:07,512
I would never cheat on her.
She lives in Germany.

107
00:06:07,608 --> 00:06:11,512
See, she was supposed to call me
four hours ago to have a serious talk.

108
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I still haven't heard from her. I don't know.

109
00:06:14,519 --> 00:06:16,695
Sorry to bug you with my problems.

110
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Guess cab drivers
are the new bartenders, huh?

111
00:06:20,535 --> 00:06:22,453
You ain't kidding, kid.

112
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Want a nip?

113
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You could just let me out right up here.

114
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- Where are you going to buddy?
- Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth.

115
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Okay, here's where I left off
with the last guy.

116
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See, I have a girlfriend, but I'm going over
to this other girl's house...

117
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And you're wondering if I'd be upset.

118
00:06:40,694 --> 00:06:43,030
Hi, Ted. Remember me? Your girlfriend.

119
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Okay, relax. Robin's just a friend.

120
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Right. You're gonna go make some juice.

121
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Yes, yes. Juice is perfectly harmless.

122
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,573
In fact, it's healthy.

123
00:06:51,669 --> 00:06:54,517
Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering
what she looks like naked?

124
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,021
I am not...

125
00:06:56,117 --> 00:06:59,028
Okay, even if I am wondering that,
it's only 'cause you put it in my head.

126
00:06:59,124 --> 00:07:01,429
But I am just a manifestation
of your subconscious,

127
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:03,540
so actually, you put it in your own head.

128
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Damn it!

129
00:07:04,788 --> 00:07:06,004
Nothing's gonna happen.

130
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,596
- Right.
- Okay, okay. You want a second opinion?

131
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Fine.

132
00:07:14,579 --> 00:07:15,924
Hey. Did she call?

133
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,937
No. I need a ruling.

134
00:07:18,867 --> 00:07:20,947
I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.
It's not even a big deal,

135
00:07:21,043 --> 00:07:24,307
but I'm on my way over to Robin's
right now.

136
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:27,666
She got a new juicer. Whatever.
We're gonna test it out.

137
00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:29,680
Let me call you back.

138
00:07:34,418 --> 00:07:37,009
Honey, there's a situation developing.

139
00:07:37,105 --> 00:07:39,122
Do you remember the huge secret
that you told me...

140
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that you weren't supposed to, but you did?

141
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,058
The thing about Robin?

142
00:07:43,154 --> 00:07:43,329
You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?

143
00:07:43,425 --> 00:07:44,274
You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?

144
00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:45,330
- What?
- What?

145
00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:47,761
Yeah. She told me already. Go on.

146
00:07:47,857 --> 00:07:49,937
Wait. So I'm the only one
that she didn't tell?

147
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:51,633
She told you and not me?

148
00:07:51,729 --> 00:07:54,513
Well, I guess I'm just better friends
with her than you are.

149
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:57,265
Well, I'm better friends with Ted
than you are.

150
00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:59,216
- That is a lie.
- It is not a lie.

151
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,872
- Okay, that's it. You and me.
- You think you can take me? Come on!

152
00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:03,504
I'm not afraid of you!
You're embarrassing your...

153
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,296
I'll show you things
you've never seen before!

154
00:08:08,912 --> 00:08:10,830
Come on. Pick up.

155
00:08:10,832 --> 00:08:12,239
Damn it, Victoria. Where are you?

156
00:08:12,335 --> 00:08:13,967
Pick up! Pick up!

157
00:08:14,063 --> 00:08:15,981
- Cupcake?
- No, thanks.

158
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:18,191
Where are you? Why haven't you called?

159
00:08:18,287 --> 00:08:20,205
I'm out hooking up.

160
00:08:20,302 --> 00:08:22,220
With three other guys.

161
00:08:22,607 --> 00:08:26,798
Or maybe I'm a devoted girlfriend
and I'm calling you right now.

162
00:08:26,894 --> 00:08:28,526
Yeah, why do I doubt that?

163
00:08:30,830 --> 00:08:32,974
- Hello?
- Ted. I just saw the news,

164
00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:38,286
and a truck carrying sulfuric acid
overturned right in front of Robin's house.

165
00:08:38,382 --> 00:08:39,790
<i>And it's melting through the sidewalk.</i>

166
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,197
You can see straight down into Hell.

167
00:08:41,293 --> 00:08:43,373
It's bad. You should go home, dude.

168
00:08:43,469 --> 00:08:46,445
Marshall, it's fine.
Nothing's gonna happen.

169
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:49,581
- Ted, what does your Mom always say?
- Nothing good ever...

170
00:08:49,677 --> 00:08:53,581
Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
Go home! It's too late for juice.

171
00:08:53,677 --> 00:08:57,389
Dude, Robin and I are just friends.
She doesn't even like me that way.

172
00:08:57,485 --> 00:09:00,908
Yes, she does! She likes you. She told me.

173
00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:02,540
- What?
- It's a big secret.

174
00:09:02,636 --> 00:09:06,476
So don't tell her I told you,
but she's very vulnerable right now.

175
00:09:06,572 --> 00:09:09,832
And you have a girlfriend. Go home, Ted.

176
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:11,939
<i>- She likes me?
- Yes.</i>

177
00:09:12,043 --> 00:09:15,435
<i>So you see why it would be
a very bad idea for you to go up there.</i>

178
00:09:15,531 --> 00:09:17,449
<i>Go home, Ted.</i>

179
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:19,945
She likes me?

180
00:09:20,011 --> 00:09:21,929
Go home, Ted.

181
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:26,344
You're right, I'll see you at home.

182
00:09:27,851 --> 00:09:29,768
Good. He's going home.

183
00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:31,402
He is so not going home.

184
00:09:31,498 --> 00:09:33,514
I cannot believe you just told him that.

185
00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:35,818
- What do you mean?
- Lily, here's what you just said,

186
00:09:35,914 --> 00:09:37,161
'Ted, whatever you do,

187
00:09:37,257 --> 00:09:40,521
'don't go up there. There's a beautiful girl
who wants to have sex with you.'

188
00:09:40,617 --> 00:09:43,945
And then she's gonna
make you some delicious juice!

189
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:48,041
No. He's not going up there.
He has more sense than that.

190
00:09:48,137 --> 00:09:50,569
<i>I did
have more sense than that.</i>

191
00:09:50,665 --> 00:09:52,424
- Keep the change. Thanks.
- Thanks.

192
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,677
<i>But after 2:00 a.m.,
my good sense was sound asleep.</i>

193
00:10:06,045 --> 00:10:07,868
So, you're doing this?
You're going up there?

194
00:10:07,964 --> 00:10:09,468
You want to get out of the way?

195
00:10:09,564 --> 00:10:11,482
I'm not in the way.

196
00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:15,018
You know, if you had just called me, I...

197
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,137
- Hi!
- Hey.

198
00:10:22,203 --> 00:10:24,411
I got some vegetables. I got carrots.
I got beets.

199
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:26,043
Or we could just drink wine.

200
00:10:26,139 --> 00:10:30,107
Wine not. Wow, that's the stupidest thing
I ever said.

201
00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:31,611
Thanks.

202
00:10:31,707 --> 00:10:33,243
Make it a big glass.

203
00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:35,099
Sure.

204
00:10:35,194 --> 00:10:38,234
So, how's it hanging? 'How's it hanging?'

205
00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:39,930
Haven't you ever had one of those days...

206
00:10:40,026 --> 00:10:43,034
where nothing at all
that monumental happens,

207
00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:47,097
but, by the end of it, you have no idea
who you are anymore,

208
00:10:47,193 --> 00:10:49,562
or what the hell you're doing with your life?

209
00:10:49,658 --> 00:10:51,513
Do you ever have one of those days?

210
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,402
About once a week.

211
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:56,025
I don't know. It was just a rough day,

212
00:10:56,121 --> 00:11:01,012
and the only person I wanted to see
at the end of it was you.

213
00:11:02,137 --> 00:11:06,040
So, how was the big phone call
with your girlfriend?

214
00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:09,944
<i>When the clock strikes two,
just go to sleep.</i>

215
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,958
We broke up.

216
00:11:12,024 --> 00:11:12,984
What?

217
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,808
Yeah. Yeah. She finally called.

218
00:11:14,904 --> 00:11:17,367
We talked for a while.
How hard long distance is,

219
00:11:17,463 --> 00:11:19,667
and then she dumped me.

220
00:11:21,015 --> 00:11:22,807
Ted, I'm so sorry.

221
00:11:22,902 --> 00:11:24,820
That's just terrible.

222
00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:26,773
I feel awful.

223
00:11:27,191 --> 00:11:28,407
You're smiling.

224
00:11:28,503 --> 00:11:30,421
Am I? No, I'm not.

225
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,534
Well, I'm a news anchor.

226
00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,167
Smiling is a part of the job.

227
00:11:34,262 --> 00:11:36,886
Thousands died
in a tragic avalanche today.

228
00:11:36,982 --> 00:11:38,900
See?

229
00:11:40,118 --> 00:11:42,036
You're smiling, too.

230
00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:45,397
Yeah.

231
00:11:45,493 --> 00:11:48,509
I have no idea what that's all about.

232
00:11:54,773 --> 00:11:56,724
How much does Korean Elvis rock?

233
00:11:56,820 --> 00:11:59,187
I'll answer that. Infinity.

234
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,057
He rocks infinity.

235
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,308
Okay, it's time for bed.

236
00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:06,444
What? No. It's 2:30.

237
00:12:06,548 --> 00:12:09,108
And nothing good ever happens
after 2:00 a.m.

238
00:12:09,204 --> 00:12:11,796
You know, I have found in my travels...

239
00:12:11,892 --> 00:12:15,987
that all the best things in life
happen after 2:00 a.m.

240
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,291
When I look back
at the best stories of my life,

241
00:12:18,387 --> 00:12:22,259
the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape
I got in at the Russian embassy,

242
00:12:22,355 --> 00:12:24,211
- the almost four-way.
- You never had a four-way.

243
00:12:24,306 --> 00:12:26,611
- I said 'almost'!
- Well, all right.

244
00:12:26,707 --> 00:12:28,979
All those things happened after 2:00 a.m.

245
00:12:29,075 --> 00:12:35,514
Because after 2:00 a.m. Is when things get,
audience, say it with me, legendary!

246
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:38,322
- We gotta go.
- What's that? 'lnteresting theory, Barney,

247
00:12:38,418 --> 00:12:41,108
'but I'll need some proof.' Okay.

248
00:12:43,185 --> 00:12:47,953
Korean Elvis. How would you like
to have a drink with me and my friends?

249
00:12:48,049 --> 00:12:49,967
Rock 'n' roll.

250
00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:52,334
And it begins.

251
00:12:54,096 --> 00:12:57,227
So, hey. I got a new phone.

252
00:12:57,681 --> 00:12:59,024
Same as yours. Look.

253
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,158
Oh, yeah, do you like it?

254
00:13:01,296 --> 00:13:03,214
Yeah. Yeah.

255
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,853
This is some solid small talk.

256
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:08,496
I had that other phone, and it was good,

257
00:13:08,592 --> 00:13:11,503
but I think, the whole time,
a little part of me...

258
00:13:11,599 --> 00:13:13,583
wanted this phone instead.

259
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:15,597
This phone...

260
00:13:16,239 --> 00:13:17,455
feels right.

261
00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:20,719
Oh, wow. Weird.

262
00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:23,586
Yeah, I should probably take this.

263
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:26,092
I'll be here.

264
00:13:31,342 --> 00:13:34,030
- Hello?
- Ted. This is your main man K.E.

265
00:13:34,126 --> 00:13:36,590
I want you to shake your tail feather
down here ASAP. You dig?

266
00:13:36,686 --> 00:13:38,825
Okay. Sorry about that.

267
00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:40,430
Who... Was that Korean Elvis?

268
00:13:40,526 --> 00:13:43,693
I'll explain later.
Hey, we're heading down to MacLaren's.

269
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,985
Actually, I'm at Robin's.

270
00:13:47,852 --> 00:13:50,796
Yeah, and I might have done
something bad.

271
00:13:50,892 --> 00:13:54,636
I just lied and told her I broke up
with Victoria.

272
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:57,964
Ted, I don't want to swear
in front of Korean Elvis,

273
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:00,556
but what the bleep are you doing, dude?

274
00:14:00,652 --> 00:14:02,763
What do you expect from me? It's Robin!

275
00:14:02,859 --> 00:14:05,609
Victoria's great, but it's Robin!

276
00:14:06,347 --> 00:14:08,491
I've made up my mind,
I'm gonna end it with Victoria.

277
00:14:08,587 --> 00:14:10,859
- Gonna?
- Yes. First thing tomorrow.

278
00:14:10,955 --> 00:14:13,191
Okay, but as of right now,

279
00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:17,447
at 2:45 a.m. You still have a girlfriend.

280
00:14:17,866 --> 00:14:20,202
Ted, I love you. I love Robin.

281
00:14:20,298 --> 00:14:22,251
But if you do this right now,

282
00:14:22,347 --> 00:14:25,578
your entire future with her
will be built on a crime!

283
00:14:25,674 --> 00:14:29,424
<i>Just go home, Ted.
Don't do this the wrong way!</i>

284
00:14:29,482 --> 00:14:30,986
I hate how you're always right.

285
00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:34,098
It's my best and most annoying trait.

286
00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:36,200
Okay.

287
00:14:36,361 --> 00:14:39,214
I'm coming home. I'll see you soon.

288
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:44,679
- Hey.
- Hey.

289
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,588
I should probably get going.
It's pretty late.

290
00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,366
- I'm sorry. I...
- Oh, no. I understand. It's fine. Yeah.

291
00:15:02,087 --> 00:15:04,296
- Can I call you tomorrow?
- Totally.

292
00:15:04,392 --> 00:15:06,023
- Totally. Call me tomorrow.
- Okay.

293
00:15:06,119 --> 00:15:09,216
- Good night, Robin.
- Good night, Ted.

294
00:15:36,897 --> 00:15:39,547
Oh, my God! We're making out.

295
00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:41,025
- Right!
- This is crazy.

296
00:15:41,121 --> 00:15:43,039
Right! Right!

297
00:15:44,928 --> 00:15:48,288
Should we go to my room?
I mean, there's five dogs in there, but...

298
00:15:48,384 --> 00:15:49,473
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

299
00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:51,486
Yeah.

300
00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:58,101
I just, I have to run to the bathroom.
Real quick.

301
00:15:59,616 --> 00:16:01,534
Okay.

302
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,135
Stop doing that!

303
00:16:15,231 --> 00:16:17,149
What are you doing?

304
00:16:17,151 --> 00:16:18,590
I'm calling you.

305
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,574
We're breaking up.
I'm doing this right now.

306
00:16:20,670 --> 00:16:22,654
I'm coming out of this bathroom
a single man.

307
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:23,966
Okay.

308
00:16:24,062 --> 00:16:27,069
Say, Ted, how long do you think
that conversation's gonna be?

309
00:16:27,165 --> 00:16:29,278
Length of an average pee? No.

310
00:16:29,374 --> 00:16:31,677
We're gonna be on the phone
for at least 20 minutes.

311
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:34,429
Robin's out there. She's gonna think
you're in here taking a massive...

312
00:16:34,525 --> 00:16:38,621
What do you want from me?
People break up. It happens.

313
00:16:38,717 --> 00:16:40,189
Not like this.

314
00:16:40,285 --> 00:16:44,412
Not from the bathroom of the girl
that you're about to sleep with.

315
00:16:44,508 --> 00:16:46,426
It's not ideal.

316
00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:48,988
<i>Meanwhile, back at the bar,</i>

317
00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:52,476
<i>Barney was still trying to prove that
good things can happen after 2:00 a.m.</i>

318
00:16:52,572 --> 00:16:54,300
Come on, Lily!

319
00:16:54,396 --> 00:16:58,780
How many women can say they've been
personally serenaded by Korean Elvis?

320
00:17:03,039 --> 00:17:05,536
Barney, you tried. I think that's great.
But we're going.

321
00:17:05,632 --> 00:17:07,295
- No. No, come on!
- Yes!

322
00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:10,238
Dude. We haven't hit legendary yet.
We're only at the 'le.'

323
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:13,151
We still got the 'gen,' the 'da,' the 'ry.'

324
00:17:13,247 --> 00:17:14,975
Okay, if we're at the 'le,'

325
00:17:15,071 --> 00:17:17,886
then I say we follow it up
with a 't's go home.'

326
00:17:17,982 --> 00:17:21,844
Oh, wow! You just got burned.
Phonics style!

327
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,807
No, no, no, no. Baby, baby, baby, don't go.

328
00:17:25,853 --> 00:17:28,446
- Just one dance, huh?
- Okay, seriously.

329
00:17:28,541 --> 00:17:30,745
Hey, I know what you like.

330
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:39,709
<i>And so, Barney was right.</i>

331
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,308
<i>The night was legendary.</i>

332
00:17:41,404 --> 00:17:45,116
<i>It would come to be known as the time
Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards.</i>

333
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:51,326
Hey, you guys remember that time
that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards?

334
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:51,468
You're right.

335
00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:52,540
You're right.

336
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:54,844
I owe you a real breakup call.

337
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,348
I'll call you tomorrow.

338
00:17:56,444 --> 00:17:58,971
Good. So, you're gonna go home?

339
00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:01,883
Why should I have to go home?

340
00:18:01,979 --> 00:18:05,179
You know, there's every chance
Robin's the woman I'm gonna marry.

341
00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:07,099
- Ted.
- It could happen!

342
00:18:07,195 --> 00:18:11,355
And so, really, what's it gonna matter
in 50 years if I jump the gun by one night?

343
00:18:11,451 --> 00:18:15,200
Look, I know this is a moral gray area, but...

344
00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:17,082
it's Robin.

345
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:18,139
And I'm exhausted.

346
00:18:18,235 --> 00:18:20,890
I am. I'm exhausted from pretending
I'm not in love with her.

347
00:18:20,986 --> 00:18:22,298
I think that makes this okay.

348
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:25,113
Oh, please. You just want to get laid!

349
00:18:25,209 --> 00:18:27,314
Yes, I do. You got me.

350
00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:29,913
That is exactly what I want right now.
And so what?

351
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,545
I want this. She wants this.

352
00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:35,641
It's happening. And if you have a problem
with it, don't be in Germany!

353
00:18:35,737 --> 00:18:37,689
It's been nice pretending to talk to you.

354
00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:41,127
Thanks for not calling me and good night.

355
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,414
That's not your phone.

356
00:18:44,184 --> 00:18:46,102
This isn't my phone.

357
00:18:52,152 --> 00:18:54,069
Okay. Bye.

358
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:59,636
I thought it was mine, so I answered it.

359
00:18:59,735 --> 00:19:02,670
- Was it...
- It was your girlfriend.

360
00:19:03,063 --> 00:19:05,671
You might want to call her back.

361
00:19:25,718 --> 00:19:29,589
<i>I called Victoria from the cab,
and we broke up.</i>

362
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,253
Yes, I'm...

363
00:19:31,349 --> 00:19:33,333
<i>And there you have it, kids.</i>

364
00:19:33,429 --> 00:19:36,282
<i>The stupidest thing I've ever done.</i>

365
00:19:36,596 --> 00:19:40,021
<i>In one night, I managed to hurt
two people I cared about.</i>

366
00:19:40,117 --> 00:19:45,415
<i>And none of it would've happened
if I had just listened to my mom.</i>

367
00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:57,395
<i>So, I guess if there's a lesson
to be learned here, it's this,</i>

368
00:19:57,491 --> 00:19:59,611
<i>when it's after 2:00 a.m.,</i>

369
00:19:59,923 --> 00:20:01,841
<i>just go to sleep.</i>