1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,133 TED: Okay where were we? 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,501 It was June of 2006, 3 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:06,334 and life had just taken an unexpected turn. 4 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,968 Dad, can't you just skip ahead 5 00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:09,501 to the part where you meet Mom? 6 00:00:09,567 --> 00:00:11,634 I feel like you've been talking for like a year. 7 00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:14,267 Honey, all this stuff I'm telling you is important. 8 00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:15,801 It's all part of the story. 9 00:00:15,868 --> 00:00:17,133 Could I go to the bathroom? 10 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,567 No. 11 00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:22,801 The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. 12 00:00:22,868 --> 00:00:25,467 For me, it started out great. 13 00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:27,100 In fact, day one was amazing. 14 00:00:27,167 --> 00:00:29,234 I'd finally gotten together with Robin. 15 00:00:31,234 --> 00:00:32,701 But while I'd been off having one of the best nights 16 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,968 of my life, your uncle Marshall 17 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:38,000 had been having one of the worst nights of his. 18 00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:40,767 * Crying in the street... * 19 00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:41,801 MARSHALL: So that's it? 20 00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:43,801 We're breaking up? 21 00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:45,601 Marshall, I'm sorry. I just... 22 00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,133 I just need to go 23 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,100 to San Francisco and do this art program and-and figure out 24 00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,267 who I am outside of us. 25 00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:53,934 And the only way 26 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,701 that I can do that is if... if we don't talk for a while. 27 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,701 For a while. 28 00:01:00,767 --> 00:01:02,100 Try never, okay? 29 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:05,834 You walk out that door, and we're done. 30 00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:08,367 You're never going to hear my voice again. 31 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:09,834 I should call her. No, No. 32 00:01:09,901 --> 00:01:11,834 Ted it is-- If you call her 33 00:01:11,901 --> 00:01:13,634 when she asked you not to you're just going to look weak 34 00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:15,067 and you're going to regret it. 35 00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,367 Now, listen, whenever you feel like calling her, 36 00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:18,934 you come find me first. 37 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,234 And I will punch you in the face. 38 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:23,601 You're a good friend, Ted. 39 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,767 (knock at door) 40 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,267 Hey. 41 00:01:27,334 --> 00:01:28,701 So, did you hear the big news? 42 00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:30,901 You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up, 43 00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:32,968 and Lily's gone and nothing else 44 00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:34,501 even remotely important happened last night, 45 00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:35,634 yeah, I think he knows. 46 00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,400 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:39,801 I-I'm so sorry. Wh-- 48 00:01:39,868 --> 00:01:40,868 What happened? 49 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,801 Well, she left. 50 00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:45,868 And I don't even know if she's coming back. 51 00:01:45,934 --> 00:01:47,367 I didn't get your message until I woke up. 52 00:01:47,434 --> 00:01:49,267 Bro, I am so sorry. 53 00:01:49,334 --> 00:01:50,300 Thanks. 54 00:01:50,367 --> 00:01:51,734 I know it must be tough, 55 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,234 but are you ready to hear something 56 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:54,868 that will not only make you feel better, 57 00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,634 but will actively excite you? 58 00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,300 Sure. 59 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:02,734 For the first time, ever, the three of us are single 60 00:02:02,801 --> 00:02:04,234 at the same time. 61 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,968 I've dreamed about this day, boys, 62 00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:08,267 and it's going to be 63 00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:09,667 legendary. 64 00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:12,767 Together, we will own this city. 65 00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:16,767 Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends, 66 00:02:16,834 --> 00:02:18,701 we'll be there. 67 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:22,501 Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues 68 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:27,400 through promiscuity and binge drinking, we will be there. 69 00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:30,367 Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city 70 00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:32,834 in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof shouting, 71 00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:34,467 (mimicking female voice): "What's up, New York?" 72 00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:37,968 we will be what is up New York. 73 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:41,467 Gentlemen, we are about to embark on... 74 00:02:45,534 --> 00:02:48,100 Aw, man, you guys did it, didn't you? 75 00:03:04,519 --> 00:03:05,940 One thing I learned that summer 76 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:08,419 is that when love is beginning... 77 00:03:08,486 --> 00:03:09,853 (moans) 78 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:11,519 ...and love is ending, 79 00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:14,185 the first 30 days are remarkably similar. 80 00:03:15,886 --> 00:03:18,185 For one thing, you spend most of your time in bed. 81 00:03:18,252 --> 00:03:19,452 (moans) 82 00:03:19,519 --> 00:03:22,385 (groans) 83 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,686 Your friends can't stand to listen to you. 84 00:03:24,752 --> 00:03:25,752 He's so ticklish. 85 00:03:29,285 --> 00:03:31,085 It was a really beautiful song. 86 00:03:31,152 --> 00:03:35,385 So... stupid, man. (mimicking choking) 87 00:03:35,452 --> 00:03:37,886 And you never seem to wear pants. 88 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,752 (sighs) 89 00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:43,919 Hey, Marshall. 90 00:03:43,985 --> 00:03:45,752 Hey, Ted. 91 00:03:45,819 --> 00:03:48,085 You hungry? What's the point? 92 00:03:48,152 --> 00:03:49,152 I could eat some food. 93 00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:51,152 It's just going to leave me. 94 00:03:51,219 --> 00:03:54,085 Well, at least in that scenario you get to do the dumping. 95 00:03:55,419 --> 00:03:56,352 Come on, it's Sunday. 96 00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:57,486 It's pancakes day. 97 00:03:57,552 --> 00:04:00,619 Lily always made the pancakes. 98 00:04:00,686 --> 00:04:02,486 God, I loved her pancakes. 99 00:04:02,552 --> 00:04:04,152 So soft. 100 00:04:04,219 --> 00:04:05,919 So warm. 101 00:04:05,985 --> 00:04:08,419 So perfectly shaped. 102 00:04:08,486 --> 00:04:10,319 Are we still talking about her pancakes? 103 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,953 Come on, you got to eat something; what can I get you? 104 00:04:14,018 --> 00:04:15,185 Beer. 105 00:04:15,252 --> 00:04:16,786 No, that's what you had for dinner. 106 00:04:16,853 --> 00:04:18,519 Fine. 107 00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:20,619 Then I'll just have leftovers. 108 00:04:22,319 --> 00:04:23,419 BARNEY: So, he stays home 109 00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:25,853 all the time not getting laid? 110 00:04:25,919 --> 00:04:27,219 No, see, 111 00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:29,118 that's what you do when you have a fianc\e. 112 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,652 He should be down here celebrating. 113 00:04:30,719 --> 00:04:32,352 He's free. 114 00:04:32,419 --> 00:04:35,319 He got that redheaded tumor removed. 115 00:04:35,385 --> 00:04:38,452 You should write and illustrate children's books. 116 00:04:38,519 --> 00:04:39,886 You know what Marshall needs to do. 117 00:04:39,953 --> 00:04:42,018 He needs to stop being sad. 118 00:04:43,419 --> 00:04:46,752 When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. 119 00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:49,419 True story. 120 00:04:49,486 --> 00:04:51,018 It's only been a month. 121 00:04:51,085 --> 00:04:52,886 He just needs to go at his own pace. 122 00:04:52,953 --> 00:04:55,085 Anyway, Lily's the one who caused this whole mess. 123 00:04:55,152 --> 00:04:56,652 Hey, cut her some slack. 124 00:04:56,719 --> 00:04:57,985 She's our friend, too. 125 00:04:58,052 --> 00:04:59,652 She's just trying to figure out who she is. 126 00:04:59,719 --> 00:05:00,919 Figure out who she is? 127 00:05:00,985 --> 00:05:02,819 Yeah, she should call me; I got a whole list. 128 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:03,819 She's selfish. 129 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:04,886 She's immature. 130 00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:06,219 She's... 131 00:05:06,285 --> 00:05:07,319 What? 132 00:05:07,385 --> 00:05:10,285 God, your eyes are so blue. 133 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,419 Aw, Teddy Bear. 134 00:05:15,219 --> 00:05:17,219 (mimics sword unsheathing) Oh that's a... 135 00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:20,586 (groans) 136 00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:23,252 (coughs) 137 00:05:25,319 --> 00:05:27,919 Yeah, it was hard to feel too bad. 138 00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:29,686 I was dating the woman of my dreams, 139 00:05:29,752 --> 00:05:31,252 and things were going great. 140 00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:32,652 Well, for the most part. 141 00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:34,619 So, I found her shampoo. 142 00:05:34,686 --> 00:05:36,619 MARSHALL: I guess she left it here. 143 00:05:36,686 --> 00:05:38,452 It smells like her. 144 00:05:40,385 --> 00:05:44,886 Like lavender and seashells and hope. 145 00:05:46,185 --> 00:05:48,052 Somehow, 146 00:05:48,118 --> 00:05:51,352 erotic and comforting all at the same time. 147 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,652 That's my shampoo. 148 00:05:54,719 --> 00:05:57,185 Oh, sorry. 149 00:05:57,252 --> 00:05:59,352 Mmm, I thought he'd never go to sleep. 150 00:05:59,419 --> 00:06:00,985 (moans) 151 00:06:01,052 --> 00:06:02,185 Uh-oh. 152 00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:03,786 Already? 153 00:06:05,385 --> 00:06:07,118 He's calling her. 154 00:06:07,185 --> 00:06:09,319 I don't hear any-- He's calling her. 155 00:06:09,385 --> 00:06:11,719 No. (screams) 156 00:06:11,786 --> 00:06:14,519 MARSHALL: Okay, you're right, I won't call her. 157 00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:17,085 I will not call her. 158 00:06:17,152 --> 00:06:19,018 Well, I called her. 159 00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:21,519 And get this, 160 00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:22,752 she changed her number. 161 00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:24,185 What, like I'm going to stalk her, 162 00:06:24,252 --> 00:06:26,886 or something? Like she's so special. 163 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,985 Like she's the only Lily Aldrin out there. 164 00:06:29,052 --> 00:06:31,652 'Cause there are four others in the San Francisco area alone, 165 00:06:31,719 --> 00:06:33,586 and they all seem a lot better than her 166 00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:36,052 based on the brief conversations I had with them. 167 00:06:36,118 --> 00:06:38,219 Does he know I'm in here? 168 00:06:38,285 --> 00:06:39,452 Yeah, hey, Robin. 169 00:06:39,519 --> 00:06:41,419 Anyways, one of the Lily Aldrins said... 170 00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:42,552 This has to stop. 171 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,686 Ted, we just started dating. 172 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,319 We agreed we don't want to move too fast, 173 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:48,085 and yet somehow, we have a baby. 174 00:06:48,152 --> 00:06:49,285 He can't feed himself. 175 00:06:49,352 --> 00:06:52,452 He cries a lot, he keeps us up all night. 176 00:06:52,519 --> 00:06:53,686 Have you tried breast-feeding? 177 00:06:53,752 --> 00:06:55,219 Nailed it! 178 00:06:55,285 --> 00:06:57,819 Look, they were together nine years. 179 00:06:57,886 --> 00:06:59,586 It's only been a month and a half. 180 00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,586 He just needs to go at his own pace. 181 00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:03,886 He slept on our floor last night, Ted. 182 00:07:03,953 --> 00:07:05,619 He watched a scary movie. 183 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,819 It is time for some tough love. 184 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,686 We need to get him out of that apartment. 185 00:07:09,752 --> 00:07:11,152 He needs fresh air. 186 00:07:11,219 --> 00:07:12,452 He needs sunshine. 187 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:15,085 Mmm, sunshine. 188 00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:18,819 ANNOUNCER (over speaker): Please welcome to the stage, Sunshine. 189 00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:25,486 All right, I really don't think this is going to help. 190 00:07:25,552 --> 00:07:28,152 Do you know why you're not over Lily yet? 191 00:07:28,219 --> 00:07:30,352 It's 'cause you can still picture her naked. 192 00:07:30,419 --> 00:07:32,786 You can't get over a woman until you can no longer 193 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,052 picture her boobs; it's a scientific fact. 194 00:07:35,118 --> 00:07:38,519 The average male brain can only store a finite number 195 00:07:38,586 --> 00:07:41,452 of boob images or "b-pegs". 196 00:07:41,519 --> 00:07:44,819 And your hard drive's filled to capacity with Lily's. 197 00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:47,919 There are a lot of them. 198 00:07:47,985 --> 00:07:49,686 Well, they won't go away until you overwrite them 199 00:07:49,752 --> 00:07:51,419 with images of other women's boobs. 200 00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:52,819 Now, this journey may take 201 00:07:52,886 --> 00:07:55,118 as many as a million boobs, 202 00:07:55,185 --> 00:07:57,519 so we begin here tonight, my friend. 203 00:07:57,586 --> 00:07:59,052 Two at a time. 204 00:07:59,118 --> 00:08:02,052 Those count as four. 205 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:06,886 Yeah. 206 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,219 This is fun right? 207 00:08:08,285 --> 00:08:09,919 We're outside, it's a beautiful day. 208 00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:11,786 The Indians are winning. 209 00:08:11,853 --> 00:08:13,352 I got to admit, 210 00:08:13,419 --> 00:08:14,686 it is really nice to be outside. 211 00:08:14,752 --> 00:08:16,118 ANNOUNCER (over speaker): Yankee fans, 212 00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:17,586 please turn your attention to the Diamond Vision 213 00:08:17,652 --> 00:08:20,319 for a special seventh-inning-stretch surprise. 214 00:08:20,385 --> 00:08:22,419 Oh, no. 215 00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:24,118 (crowd sighing) 216 00:08:24,185 --> 00:08:27,652 (applause and cheering) 217 00:08:29,752 --> 00:08:31,886 It's all a big lie! 218 00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:33,552 She's just going to break your heart. 219 00:08:33,619 --> 00:08:35,985 (crowd booing) 220 00:08:36,052 --> 00:08:39,352 You can drag me out of here, but she has no soul! 221 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,985 We've tried everything-- baseball, strippers. 222 00:08:42,052 --> 00:08:43,985 The guy still won't eat a damn pancake. 223 00:08:44,052 --> 00:08:45,953 I think he's beyond repair. 224 00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:47,686 See, this is the problem with guys. 225 00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:49,385 You don't know how to deal with heartbreak. 226 00:08:49,452 --> 00:08:51,752 Oh, and what's your prescription, Dr. Estrogen? 227 00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:54,185 Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch Love Actually, 228 00:08:54,252 --> 00:08:56,052 till your periods sync up. 229 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,752 (Ted, Barney laughing) 230 00:09:02,152 --> 00:09:03,886 Yeah, that's the stuff. 231 00:09:03,953 --> 00:09:05,319 Oh, my God. 232 00:09:05,385 --> 00:09:07,285 How long have you been doing this? 233 00:09:07,352 --> 00:09:09,385 Well, my dad taught me to me shoot when I was a kid. 234 00:09:09,452 --> 00:09:12,285 Whenever I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I come here, 235 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,018 and it reminds me that... 236 00:09:14,085 --> 00:09:15,886 guns are fun. 237 00:09:17,919 --> 00:09:19,419 (chuckles lightly) 238 00:09:19,486 --> 00:09:22,486 Um, you know, Ted is kind of against guns. 239 00:09:22,552 --> 00:09:23,853 And that's why 240 00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:25,352 Ted's never going to find out about this. 241 00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,219 Whoa, that sounded kind of scary 242 00:09:28,285 --> 00:09:29,586 with me holding a gun, didn't it? 243 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:30,919 No, I-I just mean, 244 00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:32,252 please don't tell Ted. 245 00:09:32,319 --> 00:09:33,552 You want to try? 246 00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:36,052 Only hell yeah. 247 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:39,219 Oh, yeah, yeah, this is what I needed. 248 00:09:39,285 --> 00:09:42,152 I felt so powerless this whole time, 249 00:09:42,219 --> 00:09:44,018 but this... (laughs) 250 00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:45,419 this is power. 251 00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:47,686 This is... (gasps) 252 00:09:48,953 --> 00:09:51,419 I should of mentioned the recoil. 253 00:09:51,486 --> 00:09:53,085 I got to hand it to you, when he got home, 254 00:09:53,152 --> 00:09:55,619 Marshall was smiling-- did you sleep with him? 255 00:09:55,686 --> 00:09:57,519 'Cause I was actually, like, three days away 256 00:09:57,586 --> 00:09:58,853 from suggesting that. 257 00:09:58,919 --> 00:10:00,319 Sometimes, all you need is to get in touch 258 00:10:00,385 --> 00:10:01,452 with your feminine side. 259 00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:04,586 (laughing) 260 00:10:04,652 --> 00:10:06,752 Yeah, yeah! 261 00:10:06,819 --> 00:10:08,219 Well, congratulations. 262 00:10:08,285 --> 00:10:09,953 You're the first person to cheer him up all summer. 263 00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:11,652 You win. Oh, what do I win? 264 00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:12,886 I'll tell you what you win: 265 00:10:12,953 --> 00:10:14,419 I'm taking you away this weekend. 266 00:10:14,486 --> 00:10:15,419 You are? Mmm. 267 00:10:15,486 --> 00:10:16,619 That's so nice. 268 00:10:16,686 --> 00:10:17,886 Yeah, my aunt and uncle have a beach house 269 00:10:17,953 --> 00:10:19,752 out in Montauk, oh, it's really romantic. 270 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,052 My uncle's had like three affairs there. 271 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:23,919 Wow, must be a nice house, 272 00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:25,719 I've seen pictures of your uncle. 273 00:10:25,786 --> 00:10:28,152 This is going to be so great. 274 00:10:28,219 --> 00:10:30,018 We'll finally get some time alone. 275 00:10:30,085 --> 00:10:32,719 Are you sure Marshall's going to be okay with this? 276 00:10:32,786 --> 00:10:34,152 Yeah, absolutely. 277 00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:36,052 Dude, I'm doing much better. Oh. 278 00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:37,786 In fact, take my car. 279 00:10:37,853 --> 00:10:38,819 Really? Yeah. 280 00:10:38,886 --> 00:10:40,486 Hey, thanks... and, hey, 281 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,619 if you need anything day or night, just call me-- 282 00:10:42,686 --> 00:10:45,118 You know what, please don't call me. 283 00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:47,118 What? What's wrong? 284 00:10:47,185 --> 00:10:49,486 It's, uh, Lily's credit card bill. 285 00:10:49,552 --> 00:10:50,819 She must have forgotten 286 00:10:50,886 --> 00:10:51,953 to switch her address. 287 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,352 So? 288 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,252 So, I wonder what kind of charges she's making 289 00:10:55,319 --> 00:10:56,552 out there in San Francisco. No. 290 00:10:56,619 --> 00:10:58,486 No, no good can come from looking at this. 291 00:10:58,552 --> 00:10:59,819 You've made too much progress already. 292 00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:02,118 I know but I just, maybe the-- No! 293 00:11:02,185 --> 00:11:04,385 You're going to thank me for this. 294 00:11:06,853 --> 00:11:09,786 You're a good friend, Ted. 295 00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:13,385 August 5th, one charge-- tickets. 296 00:11:13,452 --> 00:11:17,352 To what? George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars. 297 00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:20,486 August 10th, one charge: Tennis Emporium. 298 00:11:20,552 --> 00:11:23,419 August 18th, two charges: 299 00:11:23,486 --> 00:11:27,819 Mario's Bistro and, get this, Pet Palace. 300 00:11:29,018 --> 00:11:30,853 You guys see what this means, right? 301 00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:35,985 Wow, Mario's Bistro. 302 00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:38,819 What a perfect place to whore around. 303 00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:41,619 Only the best for my little Lily pad. 304 00:11:41,686 --> 00:11:44,252 Oh, funk legend George Clinton, 305 00:11:44,319 --> 00:11:46,819 I am so glad you spotted me at your concert 306 00:11:46,886 --> 00:11:51,085 and dragged me onstage to dance with you Courtney Cox-style. 307 00:11:51,152 --> 00:11:53,319 And I'm so glad you agreed to play tennis with me. 308 00:11:53,385 --> 00:11:54,519 Aw. 309 00:11:54,586 --> 00:11:56,018 You know, Marshall tried to get me 310 00:11:56,085 --> 00:11:57,886 to play tennis for nine years, 311 00:11:57,953 --> 00:12:02,552 but I didn't do it, because I never truly loved him. 312 00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,018 I got you a gift. 313 00:12:04,085 --> 00:12:05,385 Oh. 314 00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:07,886 A ferret. 315 00:12:07,953 --> 00:12:11,786 Oh, I'll buy it some food next door at the Pet Palace. 316 00:12:11,853 --> 00:12:14,252 Oh, I've always wanted one, 317 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:17,252 but Marshall had this secret phobia of ferrets. 318 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:20,285 I bet that's something he made you promise not to tell nobody. 319 00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:22,586 (laughing): It was. 320 00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:23,953 Oh. 321 00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:26,586 I love you, funk legend George Clinton. 322 00:12:26,652 --> 00:12:28,619 I love you, too, Lily. 323 00:12:28,686 --> 00:12:30,652 That's right, Marshall, she's all mine. 324 00:12:30,719 --> 00:12:32,719 Now I'm gonna let her play with my hair. 325 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,719 * Ow, we want the funk * 326 00:12:34,786 --> 00:12:37,252 * Give up the funk... * 327 00:12:37,319 --> 00:12:38,586 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. 328 00:12:38,652 --> 00:12:40,185 Yeah, why are you afraid of ferrets? 329 00:12:40,252 --> 00:12:41,719 They're adorable. 330 00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:44,452 Because, Robin, they're like fuzzy, tube-shaped rats. 331 00:12:45,719 --> 00:12:47,118 Plus, those charges are from, like, a month ago. 332 00:12:47,185 --> 00:12:48,352 Exactly. For new charges, 333 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:49,819 you have to go to her online account. 334 00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:54,252 You can see credit card activity from, like, two hours ago. 335 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:57,985 But, you know, don't. 336 00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:00,786 Why do you talk? 337 00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:02,819 Why do you talk?! 338 00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:04,052 BARNEY: He needs her password. 339 00:13:04,118 --> 00:13:05,385 It's not like he has her password. 340 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,619 Ooh, this is good, he has her password. 341 00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,719 There's a charge from earlier today: 342 00:13:09,786 --> 00:13:11,686 the Kellett Hotel on 5th. 343 00:13:12,719 --> 00:13:13,953 I don't believe this. 344 00:13:14,018 --> 00:13:16,018 Lily's back in New York. 345 00:13:20,201 --> 00:13:21,144 I can't believe this. 346 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,268 Lily's in New York? 347 00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:24,801 I-I guess I've been thinking 348 00:13:24,868 --> 00:13:26,435 when she got back, she'd call me. 349 00:13:26,502 --> 00:13:28,368 That's really the only reason 350 00:13:28,435 --> 00:13:30,502 I've been able to hold it together so far this summer. 351 00:13:30,568 --> 00:13:32,968 This has been "holding it together"? 352 00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:35,001 Okay, you know what? I'm calling her. 353 00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:36,401 No. Ted, give me the phone. 354 00:13:36,468 --> 00:13:37,667 You're not calling her, this changes nothing. 355 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,335 You, come here. 356 00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:41,968 Look, while we're away this weekend, can you keep 357 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,168 an eye on him, make sure he doesn't call that hotel? 358 00:13:44,235 --> 00:13:45,502 You want me to babysit him? 359 00:13:45,568 --> 00:13:46,868 (laughs) 20 bucks. 360 00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:48,335 An hour. 361 00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:49,602 And money for pizza. 362 00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:51,168 Uh, yeah, how about you do it for free 363 00:13:51,235 --> 00:13:53,201 or every time we hang out, you have to watch this? 364 00:13:53,268 --> 00:13:54,934 Come here. Ooh. 365 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:58,034 My little blue-eyed baby, baby lips. Ooh, ooh, sugar, sugar... 366 00:13:58,101 --> 00:13:59,135 Okay, I'll do it! 367 00:13:59,201 --> 00:14:00,435 Stop being a couple. 368 00:14:01,535 --> 00:14:03,368 Marshall. Marshall, Marshall! 369 00:14:03,435 --> 00:14:05,602 Ted, I know I shouldn't do this, but I have to! You call her 370 00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:06,868 We were together for nine years! and everything we've been working so hard for 371 00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:08,535 is completely flushed down the toi... 372 00:14:08,602 --> 00:14:10,101 Hello, Lily Aldrin's room, please. 373 00:14:11,235 --> 00:14:12,834 Thank you. Hang up now. 374 00:14:12,901 --> 00:14:14,568 Ted, I can't hang up now. Hang up now. 375 00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:16,235 The missiles are in the air, and I know that you don't approve. 376 00:14:16,301 --> 00:14:17,602 Hang up. Hello. 377 00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,068 Uh, a guy answered. 378 00:14:26,268 --> 00:14:27,834 There's-there's a guy in her room. 379 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,701 I'm going down there. 380 00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:31,767 BARNEY: Dude, you can't do that. 381 00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,502 I have to go down there, and I have 382 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,535 to tell her I love her; I have to beg her to take me back, 383 00:14:35,602 --> 00:14:37,168 even if I have to get down on my knees. 384 00:14:37,235 --> 00:14:39,001 Marshall, you can't do that. Oh, really, why not? 385 00:14:39,068 --> 00:14:40,701 TED: 56 days. 386 00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,268 That's how long it took me to get right about here. 387 00:14:43,335 --> 00:14:45,034 Because you're pathetic! 388 00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:49,767 I'm sorry, but right now, you are not Marshall. 389 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:51,135 You are the miserable, 390 00:14:51,201 --> 00:14:54,934 whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall, 391 00:14:55,001 --> 00:14:56,468 and frankly, a guy like you 392 00:14:56,535 --> 00:14:58,268 doesn't have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily. 393 00:14:58,335 --> 00:14:59,868 You know who might have a shot 394 00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:01,734 somewhere down the line? 395 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:02,734 Marshall. 396 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,268 The real Marshall. 397 00:15:04,335 --> 00:15:06,801 But if you go down there right now like this, you're going 398 00:15:06,868 --> 00:15:08,834 to blow it for him, and he's never going to forgive you. 399 00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:11,168 Of course, whatever I say, 400 00:15:11,235 --> 00:15:12,535 you're just going to do the opposite, 401 00:15:12,602 --> 00:15:13,568 so have a great weekend. 402 00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:14,834 Good luck screwing up your life. 403 00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:16,468 Come on, Robin. 404 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,502 (clears throat) 405 00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:22,602 Is it still okay if we borrow the car? 406 00:15:24,301 --> 00:15:27,235 Bold. Bold to go for the car. 407 00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:31,667 What? 408 00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:34,034 I didn't say a thing. 409 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:35,701 You think I was too hard on him. 410 00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:37,401 I didn't say a thing. (scoffs) 411 00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:39,535 I can't believe you're accusing me of being too hard on him. 412 00:15:39,602 --> 00:15:41,135 You're the one who said "tough love." 413 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:43,734 Yeah, tough love, not "hand the guy a noose." 414 00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:45,634 Oh, but it's okay to hand him a nine millimeter? 415 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:48,535 Yeah, he told me. 416 00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:52,502 So you're a gun nut? 417 00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,901 No, I'm a gun enthusiast. Do you know how many people 418 00:15:55,968 --> 00:15:57,368 are killed each year The Second Amendment 419 00:15:57,435 --> 00:15:58,535 protects my right to bear arms... in accidents... 420 00:15:58,602 --> 00:16:00,168 All right, all right, all right. 421 00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:02,268 I was too hard on him. 422 00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:04,135 A little. 423 00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:05,734 (laughs softly) 424 00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:09,468 I'm going to call Barney, see how they're doing. 425 00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,168 (phone rings) Go for Barney. 426 00:16:11,235 --> 00:16:12,268 Oh, hey, where are you guys? 427 00:16:12,335 --> 00:16:13,767 We're at a fundraiser, 428 00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:16,034 helping young women raise money for community college. 429 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,034 Strip club, nice. 430 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,901 Is Marshall okay? (laughs) 431 00:16:18,968 --> 00:16:20,368 Yeah, he's here and he's great. 432 00:16:20,435 --> 00:16:21,468 Uh, hang on. Marshall? 433 00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:23,201 Tell Ted that-- 434 00:16:23,268 --> 00:16:24,968 Uh-oh. 435 00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,301 Already? 436 00:16:27,368 --> 00:16:28,634 What? What uh-oh? 437 00:16:28,701 --> 00:16:29,868 He's gone. 438 00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:30,868 You lost him? 439 00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:32,168 I can't believe this. 440 00:16:32,235 --> 00:16:33,201 He's going to go down to that hotel. 441 00:16:33,268 --> 00:16:34,634 Crap, you're right. 442 00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:35,834 Okay, okay, here's the plan, here's the plan. 443 00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:37,401 You go down to the hotel and find him. 444 00:16:37,468 --> 00:16:38,767 I'll stay here and get a lap dance. 445 00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:39,767 On three. One, two... 446 00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:40,834 Barney! 447 00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:48,468 Was there a hot tub at your uncle's place? 448 00:16:48,535 --> 00:16:50,934 A really nice one. 449 00:16:54,435 --> 00:16:57,168 Hi, uh, could you tell me what room Lily Aldrin's in? 450 00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:00,401 Marshall. 451 00:17:00,468 --> 00:17:02,368 (chuckling): Hey. 452 00:17:03,368 --> 00:17:04,734 What happened? 453 00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:07,834 Well, I went up to Lily's floor, 454 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,235 and I had this little speech in my head-- 455 00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:12,235 everything I've been wanting to say to her all summer 456 00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:15,834 about love, loyalty, respect. 457 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:19,034 I knocked on the door. 458 00:17:23,634 --> 00:17:26,301 So you knocked out Lily's new boyfriend? 459 00:17:26,368 --> 00:17:27,335 Yeah. 460 00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:28,734 It wasn't Lily's boyfriend. 461 00:17:28,801 --> 00:17:30,602 What? Who-- who was it? 462 00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:33,235 TED: His name was Joey Adalian, although he went by a number 463 00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:36,101 of aliases in his years as an identity thief. 464 00:17:36,168 --> 00:17:37,734 Apparently, earlier in the summer... 465 00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:41,502 LILY: Oh, this is so embarrassing. 466 00:17:41,568 --> 00:17:43,901 I-I could have sworn I had some change. 467 00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:45,801 I know, I know. 468 00:17:45,868 --> 00:17:46,901 I'm sorry. 469 00:17:46,968 --> 00:17:49,667 Oh, here we go. 470 00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,235 No, that's-that's a button. 471 00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:53,301 It was a button. 472 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,034 Do you, uh, take credit cards? 473 00:17:58,101 --> 00:17:59,934 Yes, I do. 474 00:18:00,001 --> 00:18:02,168 So Lily's not back in town, 475 00:18:02,235 --> 00:18:03,201 and she doesn't have a boyfriend? 476 00:18:03,268 --> 00:18:04,535 Th-That's good news, right? 477 00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:06,268 Yeah. 478 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,801 I don't know. 479 00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:10,101 Those credit card charges 480 00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:12,368 were the only remaining connection I had to her. 481 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,901 I don't know where she is or what she's doing. 482 00:18:16,968 --> 00:18:21,068 She was my whole life, man, and now she's-she's gone. 483 00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:28,401 You know, first day of college, I showed up, 484 00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:29,868 I was so freaked out, 485 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:34,767 and-and I got up to my room, and there was my roommate, 486 00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:37,068 lying on the bed with his feet up on the wall. 487 00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:39,602 Had headphones on, big smile on his face 488 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:41,168 like he just didn't give a crap. 489 00:18:42,602 --> 00:18:43,667 Happy. 490 00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:45,568 Confident. Not afraid of anything. 491 00:18:46,602 --> 00:18:49,101 That guy was you. 492 00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:50,801 You before you met Lily. 493 00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:54,535 Ted? 494 00:18:54,602 --> 00:18:55,568 Yeah? 495 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,568 I was high that day. 496 00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:58,934 I was. 497 00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:01,368 I was so high, I thought you were the dean. 498 00:19:03,401 --> 00:19:05,068 Wh-What I'm saying is 499 00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:07,801 there's a version of you without Lily, 500 00:19:07,868 --> 00:19:10,468 and it's not this. 501 00:19:10,535 --> 00:19:13,435 You can't let Lily steal your identity 502 00:19:13,502 --> 00:19:16,034 the way that guy stole hers. 503 00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:19,701 Okay. 504 00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:23,368 Okay, resolved. 505 00:19:23,435 --> 00:19:26,168 Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start being okay. 506 00:19:26,235 --> 00:19:27,535 (chuckles) 507 00:19:27,602 --> 00:19:28,801 Cheers. Cheers. 508 00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:33,834 * * 509 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,268 But he wasn't, 510 00:19:37,335 --> 00:19:39,568 'cause that's not how life works. 511 00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:42,268 The next day, he found one of her socks or something, 512 00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:44,734 and we were back to square one. 513 00:19:46,734 --> 00:19:48,602 And then, one morning... 514 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:52,001 Ted, I think you should see this. 515 00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:53,068 Oh, no, what now? 516 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:58,301 Marshall, what are you doing? 517 00:19:58,368 --> 00:19:59,502 It's Sunday. 518 00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:01,667 It's pancakes day. 519 00:20:06,258 --> 00:20:07,504 It took him 67 days 520 00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,850 and one really disgusting batch of pancakes... 521 00:20:14,987 --> 00:20:16,154 So good. 522 00:20:16,221 --> 00:20:18,887 Mmm. So good. 523 00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:21,688 ...but Marshall had come back from the dead. 524 00:20:21,755 --> 00:20:24,621 Because while baseball, strippers, and guns can help, 525 00:20:24,688 --> 00:20:28,221 the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time. 526 00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:31,254 * I try to laugh about it * 527 00:20:31,321 --> 00:20:35,788 * Cover it all up with lies * 528 00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:39,588 * I try to laugh about it * 529 00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:42,454 * Hiding the tears from my eyes * 530 00:20:42,521 --> 00:20:46,020 * 'Cause boys don't cry. * 531 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:57,621 ** 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net