1 00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:02,000 ??? 2 00:00:02,017 --> 00:00:02,717 had been together 3 00:00:02,734 --> 00:00:04,267 for nine wonderful years, 4 00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:06,967 until she dumped him and ran off to San Francisco. 5 00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:10,267 The healing process was taking a long time. 6 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:11,934 (groans) 7 00:00:12,001 --> 00:00:14,500 Then, one night, he made a giant leap forward. 8 00:00:14,567 --> 00:00:16,068 All right, I'll see you guys later. 9 00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:17,367 I'll walk you out. 10 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,600 MARSHALL: See ya. 11 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:24,534 You just checked out Robin's ass. 12 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,001 What? No! N-No, Barney, I was... 13 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,834 Dude, that's awesome. 14 00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:30,233 You're finally forgetting 15 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,934 -about that short redhead. -Lily. 16 00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:34,200 Yes, Lily. Thank you. 17 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,001 That was going to drive me crazy all night. 18 00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:38,534 Hey, Ted, Marshall just checked out your girlfriend's ass. 19 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,934 -I did not, Ted, I... -That's awesome. 20 00:00:41,001 --> 00:00:42,300 You're finally getting better. 21 00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,168 This is the moment I've been waiting for. 22 00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:47,267 Starting tonight, I am going to teach you how to live. 23 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:49,434 Ted, you had your chance. You're out; Marshall's in. 24 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,534 -Yes! -Oh, God. 25 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,734 Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like... 26 00:00:55,801 --> 00:00:58,034 -What's something everybody likes? -Candy. 27 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,867 Yes, it's like being in a candy store. 28 00:01:00,934 --> 00:01:03,934 You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers. 29 00:01:04,001 --> 00:01:05,467 (groans) Yeah. 30 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,134 Is Whoppers the best one? 31 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,200 Mounds. 32 00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:10,367 Milk Duds. 33 00:01:10,434 --> 00:01:12,068 Gobstoppers. 34 00:01:12,134 --> 00:01:16,784 This went on for another hour; I'll just skip to the end. 35 00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:18,200 -Dubble Bubbles. -Nice! 36 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:19,634 Marshall. 37 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:20,801 We're doing this. 38 00:01:20,867 --> 00:01:22,467 I am not taking no for an answer. 39 00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,667 -Fine. (chuckles) -Hey, Robin. 40 00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:25,734 Marshall checked out your ass. 41 00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:27,634 Ted, what is wrong with you? 42 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,234 He checked out my ass. 43 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,433 Hey, tell him thanks. 44 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,567 I felt like I was having a bad ass day. 45 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,034 Cool, see ya. 46 00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:38,667 Lily. 47 00:01:38,734 --> 00:01:41,901 It is a great ass. 48 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:47,477 www.1000fr.com Present 49 00:01:47,461 --> 00:01:52,461 Sync:knlight 50 00:01:55,737 --> 00:01:56,737 ??? 51 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,101 in three months. 52 00:01:58,117 --> 00:01:59,884 There were so many unanswered questions, 53 00:01:59,951 --> 00:02:01,084 so many things to say. 54 00:02:01,151 --> 00:02:04,384 Your hair is adorable. 55 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,500 (both giggling) 56 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:09,034 Meanwhile, Barney was taking Marshall out to meet women 57 00:02:09,101 --> 00:02:11,201 for the first time since he was 17. 58 00:02:11,268 --> 00:02:12,300 Just wing it. Come on. 59 00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,268 Hi. Have you met Marshall? 60 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,067 -Hi. -Hi. 61 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:20,567 Look how sweaty my hands are. 62 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,867 It's weird, right? Uh, sweat? 63 00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:27,934 Like, this smelly water coming out of your skin. 64 00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:30,934 Eww. It was nice meeting you. 65 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:34,134 I-I-I hate to interrupt, but, uh, 66 00:02:34,201 --> 00:02:36,168 do you like magic? 67 00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:37,834 Um, I guess. 68 00:02:37,901 --> 00:02:39,067 (gasps) 69 00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:42,367 Oh, my God! 70 00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,901 (laughing) 71 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,300 Anyway, Marshall here is awesome. 72 00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,400 Salad in a bag? His idea. 73 00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:52,400 Dude! 74 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:53,901 You were awesome last night. 75 00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,300 You were charming, 76 00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:57,967 you were funny, you were totally working that girl. 77 00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,168 You went home with her. 78 00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:00,801 Yes, I did. 79 00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:02,567 But she told me 80 00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:05,967 that if it wasn't for me, you would have had a shot with her, 81 00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:08,834 so, in hypothetical terms, you scored last night. 82 00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:10,300 All right! 83 00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,168 Hypothetical high five. 84 00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,001 Nice. 85 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,367 All right. Tonight, we're going to go to the bar... 86 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:20,333 Barney, no, I am not going out with you ever again. 87 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,767 -Come on! I'll, I'll teach you all of my strategies. -Oh, really? 88 00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:25,534 My favorite, number seven: 89 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,667 create a mystery about yourself. 90 00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:29,201 That way, they become so intrigued, 91 00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:31,433 they have to hang out with you all night. 92 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,067 Oh, come on, does that really work? 93 00:03:33,134 --> 00:03:36,734 Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't. 94 00:03:39,134 --> 00:03:40,268 Damn it, that's intriguing. 95 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:41,333 Okay, I'm in. 96 00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:47,234 I have something you've got to hear. You will not believe what just happened. 97 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,034 You go first. 98 00:03:49,101 --> 00:03:51,867 I found a 1939 penny on the subway. 99 00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:54,034 Just imagine the kind of history 100 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,367 this little copper guy... 101 00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:56,767 Lily's back in town. 102 00:03:56,834 --> 00:04:00,700 And you let me go first? Have you seen her? 103 00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:02,433 Uh, yeah. I actually went 104 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,034 apartment-hunting with her today. 105 00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,467 How's she doing? 106 00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:06,934 You're not going to like it. 107 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,600 I am doing great. 108 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,967 This summer, best thing ever! 109 00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,667 San Francisco is so happening right now. 110 00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:16,034 She's happy?! 111 00:04:16,101 --> 00:04:18,101 Marshall had the worst summer of his life, 112 00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:20,634 and she's happy. 113 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,333 Yeah, and I suppose her art program 114 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,268 was all fulfilling or whatever. 115 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:27,734 Oh. The art program-- best thing ever. 116 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,634 Oh, my God. 117 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,467 This is your best work. 118 00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:33,234 In all my years teaching, I've never seen 119 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,734 anything so... 120 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:38,667 Needless to say, this is art. 121 00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:39,834 (chuckles) 122 00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:42,467 I can't teach you anything. 123 00:04:42,534 --> 00:04:44,567 (gasps) 124 00:04:44,634 --> 00:04:46,168 (chuckles) 125 00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,001 But the best part of S.F.-- 126 00:04:48,067 --> 00:04:49,168 Oh, that's what 127 00:04:49,234 --> 00:04:51,767 we call San Francisco-- the people. 128 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,168 Even just riding around on the bus all summer. 129 00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:57,268 It was like a human tapestry. 130 00:04:57,333 --> 00:04:58,834 Hi, I'm Mike. 131 00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:02,367 I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure-traveler writer. 132 00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:05,634 I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children. 133 00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,134 Yeah. 134 00:05:07,201 --> 00:05:08,834 I'm Dan, I'm a neurosurgeon. 135 00:05:08,901 --> 00:05:10,700 You are stunning, by the way. 136 00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:15,934 Wow. I'm so happy for you. 137 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:18,967 Oh, she's such a... 138 00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:21,500 After what she did to Marshall, 139 00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:24,001 she should come back here devastated, 140 00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:25,801 crawling on all fours over the broken glass 141 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,234 of her own shame and regret. 142 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,967 You never chose sides. I respect that. 143 00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:31,300 She's unbelievable. Unbelievable. 144 00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:34,134 Unbelievable? What's unbelievable? 145 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,333 Oh. Listen, Marshall. 146 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,867 Ted found a penny on the subway, 147 00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:40,967 and it's old, and that's interesting. 148 00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:43,101 Way to go. 149 00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:48,901 Okay, first of all, that is interesting. 150 00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:50,834 Second, we have to tell him. 151 00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:52,467 No, we don't. 152 00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:54,400 He's just starting to get better, going out with Barney. 153 00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:56,467 I mean, how do you think he's going to feel 154 00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:57,901 when he hears Lily's moved on? 155 00:05:57,967 --> 00:05:59,400 She's moved on? 156 00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:01,268 It happens. I've fallen out of love 157 00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:02,500 faster than that before, 158 00:06:02,567 --> 00:06:04,268 sometimes, boom, with no warning whatsoever. 159 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:07,600 One day we're in love, the next day, he's dead to me. 160 00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:12,901 But we're great. Honey. 161 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,268 Now, let's review Barney's rules for mating without dating. 162 00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,700 Lesson two, corollary five. 163 00:06:20,767 --> 00:06:24,234 Make a beautiful woman feel self-conscious and unattractive, 164 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,667 and she'll be putty in your hands. 165 00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:26,667 Excellent. 166 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,333 Have you chosen your entree? 167 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,234 I have. Sweet brunette, eight o'clock. 168 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,667 Nine o'clock. Ten... thirty. 169 00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:34,400 She's walking to the bar. 170 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:36,268 Her? Really? 171 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:37,268 Yeah. 172 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:38,667 No, you're right. 173 00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,667 Ambition is the enemy of success. 174 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,901 Okay. Hit it. 175 00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:46,367 (smacks lips) 176 00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:47,500 What's the matter, four eyes, 177 00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:48,867 you got astigmatism or something? 178 00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:50,367 I'm sorry, I was trying to playfully disarm you, 179 00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:52,134 but I just got out of a long relationship. 180 00:06:52,201 --> 00:06:54,734 I have no idea what I'm doing. 181 00:06:54,801 --> 00:06:56,467 I'm Marshall. 182 00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,400 Hi, Marshall. Amy. 183 00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:00,201 Don't worry. I've been there. 184 00:07:00,268 --> 00:07:01,534 Hold on. 185 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,268 Nice recovery. I think it's working. 186 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:05,268 Um, Amy. 187 00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,801 This is my friend, Barney. 188 00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:08,467 Barney, this is Amy. 189 00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:09,634 Hi, Barney. 190 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:11,268 -Nice to meet you. -Hi. 191 00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:16,333 Amy, do you like... magic? 192 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,300 -I hate you. -I am so sorry. 193 00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:20,433 It's a sickness. 194 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,234 I'm the real victim here. 195 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:23,634 Twice. 196 00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,767 Twice in a row, you took my candy. 197 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,300 That was my candy. 198 00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:28,667 I know, but tonight... 199 00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:29,667 No. 200 00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:30,667 Forget it. 201 00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,700 You're such a jackass. 202 00:07:35,234 --> 00:07:37,001 I thought you were gonna call me a jerk. 203 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:39,867 All right, I'm sorry. 204 00:07:39,934 --> 00:07:41,967 I will make it up to you. 205 00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,400 Tonight, we'll go to a college bar 206 00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:45,934 near NYU-- The Scorpion and the Toad. 207 00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,001 I figure 208 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,234 in a younger crowd 209 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,667 you'll seem more mature, more worldly 210 00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:53,333 and, as a third-year law student, more smarter. 211 00:07:57,201 --> 00:07:58,400 Okay, but no magic. 212 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,467 How did you do that? 213 00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,567 I'm taking a leak, dumb ass. 214 00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:09,268 Robin and I met Lily 215 00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:10,934 outside the next apartment she was seeing. 216 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:13,700 But I need the freedom to really chase my passion, 217 00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:14,867 which was painting, 218 00:08:14,934 --> 00:08:16,134 but now I think it's music 219 00:08:16,201 --> 00:08:17,934 or spoken word-- maybe both. 220 00:08:18,001 --> 00:08:19,801 God! Isn't life amazing? 221 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:23,001 It is so great to see you, Ted. 222 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:26,201 I'm going to get the key from the lockbox. 223 00:08:26,451 --> 00:08:27,384 What? 224 00:08:27,451 --> 00:08:28,850 She's miserable. 225 00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,317 She's realized she's made a huge mistake. 226 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,151 Her and Marshall will be back together in a week. 227 00:08:32,217 --> 00:08:33,684 -I love it! -Um, no. You just 228 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:34,767 want Lily to be miserable. 229 00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:36,153 The truth is, she's happy. 230 00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:38,054 Trust me. I've known Lily for nine years. 231 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:39,420 Trust me. I'm a girl. 232 00:08:39,487 --> 00:08:40,787 Yeah, but you're Canadian. Why do you always 233 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,153 have to bring that up? 234 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:43,887 You're our weird neighbors to the north. 235 00:08:43,954 --> 00:08:45,587 You bring it up every time. All right, five bucks says 236 00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:45,943 she still wants Marshall. 237 00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:47,878 You're on. 238 00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:50,110 -Five American bucks. -Damn it. 239 00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,910 Okay, so how do we get 240 00:08:51,977 --> 00:08:53,077 the truth out of her. 241 00:08:53,144 --> 00:08:55,144 Tequila. It's her weakness. 242 00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,010 Three shots, she'll tell you the truth about anything. 243 00:08:58,077 --> 00:09:00,277 I hope this is my new home. 244 00:09:01,227 --> 00:09:02,893 Yeah, I'm going to take that first apartment. 245 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,661 (knocking) 246 00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,728 Marshall Eriksen, suit up! 247 00:09:06,794 --> 00:09:08,561 -No way. -Yeah, you're good in that. 248 00:09:08,627 --> 00:09:09,828 Let's go. 249 00:09:09,893 --> 00:09:11,160 (clears throat) Wait. 250 00:09:11,227 --> 00:09:12,494 Empty your pockets. 251 00:09:12,561 --> 00:09:14,594 Come on. 252 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,194 Come on, let's... 253 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,294 (clears throat) Sleeves. 254 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:24,327 There is nothing in my... 255 00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:31,661 Oh, is that right? 256 00:09:31,728 --> 00:09:32,860 Uh-huh. 257 00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:34,494 Let's go. (clears throat) 258 00:09:34,561 --> 00:09:36,494 Behind my ear. 259 00:09:36,561 --> 00:09:38,294 There is nothing behind your... 260 00:09:38,361 --> 00:09:39,993 BOTH: Oh. 261 00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:42,760 WOMAN: Yeah, I'm in pre-law. 262 00:09:42,767 --> 00:09:44,034 The workload's killing me, though. 263 00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:45,301 Oh, tell me about it. 264 00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:47,001 I'm third year at Columbia Law, so... 265 00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,401 Hmm. if the workload 266 00:09:48,468 --> 00:09:49,934 does kill you, I can probably get a conviction. 267 00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:51,167 (both laughing) 268 00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:52,533 Yeah. 269 00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:55,368 You must be majoring in chemistry, 270 00:09:55,434 --> 00:09:58,867 'cause what I'm picking up between us is, uh... 271 00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,800 College lesbian phase. 272 00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:07,034 Listen, I got to go, 273 00:10:07,101 --> 00:10:08,368 but it'd be great to see you again. 274 00:10:08,434 --> 00:10:11,368 Yes, it would. 275 00:10:11,434 --> 00:10:14,001 It really would. 276 00:10:14,067 --> 00:10:16,034 Well, maybe I'll see you here sometime. 277 00:10:16,101 --> 00:10:19,834 Probably not. I'm never here, so... 278 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,633 You know, I do have a phone number. 279 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:25,201 Great. Nice. 280 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,001 Hi, I'm Barney. 281 00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,067 Oh, no. 282 00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:29,800 Do you... 283 00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:31,700 mind giving my friend your phone number? 284 00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:32,967 Sure. 285 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,867 Whoo! 286 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:39,368 I did it! I got a girl's phone number. 287 00:10:39,434 --> 00:10:41,633 Oh, and her handwriting is so cute, look. 288 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,800 Oh, I'm gonna take her out for Chinese food 289 00:10:43,867 --> 00:10:45,600 and then maybe we'll walk through the park. 290 00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:47,001 It'll be so... what? 291 00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:49,867 Sorry, buddy, I'm taking this one, too. 292 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,834 I'll kill you! 293 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,401 And then, I discovered this area, North Beach. 294 00:10:59,468 --> 00:11:00,834 Best beach ever! 295 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,234 Oh, I've been 296 00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:04,700 blabbering on about my summer. 297 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,834 How are you guys doing? 298 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,167 And hey, how's Marshall? 299 00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,767 Give me the card! I'm not giving you any card. 300 00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:11,500 I swear...! You are not getting...! 301 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:12,500 Terrific. 302 00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:13,734 That is so good to hear. 303 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:14,767 (cell phone ringing) 304 00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:15,967 Oh, hold on. 305 00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:17,700 This could be about the apartment. 306 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,667 (ringing continues) 307 00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:21,767 Okay, we're way past truth-telling-Lilly 308 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:23,401 and about to hit Cinco-de-Mayo-1998-Lilly 309 00:11:23,468 --> 00:11:24,867 and I'm not cleaning that up again. 310 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,401 So, congratulations, you win. 311 00:11:28,468 --> 00:11:30,034 She's happy. 312 00:11:30,101 --> 00:11:31,800 I didn't get it. 313 00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:34,567 That first apartment, I... 314 00:11:34,633 --> 00:11:36,368 I waited too long and... 315 00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:39,001 somebody else got it. 316 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,468 (crying) 317 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,967 Interesting. 318 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,368 Wow, Lily, you, uh... 319 00:11:46,434 --> 00:11:48,167 seem to be having a pretty strong reaction 320 00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:49,567 on losing an apartment. 321 00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:51,401 I wonder if it's because it reminds you 322 00:11:51,468 --> 00:11:54,067 of something else you lost because you couldn't commit. 323 00:11:54,134 --> 00:11:56,001 (continues crying) No, Lily, 324 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:57,667 you're crying over the crown molding 325 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,134 and the real hardwood floors. 326 00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:01,067 There's no deeper meaning. 327 00:12:01,134 --> 00:12:03,500 Right, Lily? Just quit crying and tell him. 328 00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:05,101 (crying continues) 329 00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:08,867 The apartment is a metaphor for Marshall. 330 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,750 -stop it. -You don't want to see 331 00:12:16,817 --> 00:12:18,417 what I'm like when I'm angry. 332 00:12:18,484 --> 00:12:19,684 Stop! Hold on! 333 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,283 If we can't settle this like gentlemen, 334 00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:22,383 then no one gets the number. 335 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,817 (screams) 336 00:12:23,884 --> 00:12:25,017 Stop the cab. Wha...? 337 00:12:25,084 --> 00:12:26,917 (tires screech) 338 00:12:26,984 --> 00:12:28,218 No, wait. Come on. 339 00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:30,084 Marshall! (door closes) 340 00:12:30,151 --> 00:12:32,751 81st and First, please. 341 00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:37,350 Ah, she does have cute handwriting. 342 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:41,017 TED: The thing about a hangover 343 00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:42,784 is that everyone has their own special remedy. 344 00:12:42,851 --> 00:12:43,884 WAITER: Morning, guys. 345 00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:45,484 What can I get you? Shh! 346 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:48,383 Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. 347 00:12:48,450 --> 00:12:50,084 And a milkshake. 348 00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:52,017 For you, sir? 349 00:12:52,084 --> 00:12:55,317 Gravy. 350 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,317 You want that gravy on something? 351 00:12:57,383 --> 00:12:59,250 Surprise me. 352 00:12:59,317 --> 00:13:00,984 I'd take you with gravy 353 00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:03,484 if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here. 354 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,751 Just kidding. I'm good. 355 00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:09,218 What are you so chirpy about? 356 00:13:09,283 --> 00:13:11,417 She's still drunk from last night. 357 00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:13,084 I don't think so. 358 00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:15,450 Whoo! 359 00:13:17,118 --> 00:13:19,283 Look, if you want Marshall back so bad, 360 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:22,184 how come it took you two days to even ask about him? 361 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,751 I was dying to ask. 362 00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:26,017 I was just trying to play it cool. 363 00:13:26,084 --> 00:13:27,584 But really... 364 00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:29,584 But it's good, I mean, work is great... 365 00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:30,984 LILY: Come on, say something about Marshall. 366 00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:32,283 Where's Marshall? How's Marshall? 367 00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:33,517 What's Marshall doing right now? 368 00:13:33,584 --> 00:13:34,751 Shut up and talk about Marshall. 369 00:13:34,817 --> 00:13:36,084 Shut up and talk about Marshall. 370 00:13:36,151 --> 00:13:37,584 Shut up and talk about Marshall. 371 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,084 Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall... 372 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,383 I've got to ask! 373 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,417 And hey, how's Marshall? 374 00:13:42,484 --> 00:13:44,084 It was such an awful summer. 375 00:13:44,151 --> 00:13:46,851 I just wanted to get back here and see him. 376 00:13:46,917 --> 00:13:48,784 But I thought your summer was great. 377 00:13:48,851 --> 00:13:50,684 Not exactly. 378 00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,484 Oh, my God. 379 00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:55,417 This is you best work? 380 00:13:56,650 --> 00:13:57,884 In all my years teaching, 381 00:13:57,951 --> 00:14:00,517 I've never seen anything so needless. 382 00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:04,250 To say this is... art... 383 00:14:06,051 --> 00:14:07,917 I can't teach you anything. 384 00:14:09,484 --> 00:14:13,350 So all those interesting people you met on the bus? 385 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,417 Yeah, um... 386 00:14:15,484 --> 00:14:17,584 Hi. I'm Mike. 387 00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:21,250 I'm a Buddhist monk slash adventure travel writer. 388 00:14:21,317 --> 00:14:26,218 (imitating woman): I'm Paula. I sing in a punk band for children. 389 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,218 (deep voice): I'm Dan. I'm a neurosurgeon. 390 00:14:28,283 --> 00:14:32,884 You are stunning, by the way. 391 00:14:32,951 --> 00:14:35,684 I never got in touch because I was too embarrassed. 392 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,484 I screwed everything up. 393 00:14:37,550 --> 00:14:40,550 I have no job, no place to live. 394 00:14:40,617 --> 00:14:43,151 I lost the love of my life. 395 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,617 I know I have no right to ask this, 396 00:14:46,684 --> 00:14:49,184 but do you think Marshall would take me back? 397 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:50,884 In a heartbeat. 398 00:14:50,951 --> 00:14:52,283 If you called him up, yeah, 399 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,484 he'd take you back with open arms. 400 00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:57,951 Wow. So maybe I should call him. 401 00:14:58,017 --> 00:15:00,350 Maybe. 402 00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:02,617 No! This is... Ow! 403 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,118 Hold on. 404 00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:06,717 Look, if you're going to go back to him, 405 00:15:06,784 --> 00:15:08,484 I don't want to hear the word "maybe." 406 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,283 "Maybe" cannot be in your vocabulary. 407 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:12,383 This breakup almost killed him. 408 00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:14,484 And he cannot go through it again. 409 00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:15,617 So, unless 410 00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:17,650 you're absolutely certain, 411 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,051 stay the hell away from him. 412 00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:25,584 This guy likes pennies. 413 00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:29,484 Hi, Marshall. 414 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:31,684 No, go away. I don't want to talk to you. 415 00:15:31,751 --> 00:15:34,417 Okay, I know what I did a couple nights back 416 00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:36,817 is in a moral gray area. 417 00:15:36,884 --> 00:15:40,317 But the great news is, she loved you. 418 00:15:40,383 --> 00:15:41,984 If things had gone your way-- 419 00:15:42,051 --> 00:15:43,383 you'd gone out a couple times, 420 00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:45,484 I think she definitely would have had sex with you. 421 00:15:45,550 --> 00:15:48,151 There's no "would" in sex. 422 00:15:48,218 --> 00:15:49,417 (both chuckle) 423 00:15:49,484 --> 00:15:51,017 You're right, I totally... 424 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,717 I'm just no good at this, Barney. 425 00:15:52,784 --> 00:15:54,584 I'm good at being in a couple, 426 00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:56,017 I'm good at being Lily's boyfriend. 427 00:15:56,084 --> 00:15:58,084 Being single-- forget it. 428 00:15:58,151 --> 00:15:59,751 Come on, you can't give up now. 429 00:15:59,817 --> 00:16:02,051 What if I told you that you could relive that night 430 00:16:02,118 --> 00:16:03,584 with the exact same conversations, 431 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:05,017 the exact same jokes 432 00:16:05,084 --> 00:16:07,784 only this time, you get her and I don't. 433 00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:09,250 That's not possible. 434 00:16:09,317 --> 00:16:10,917 Oh, but it is. 435 00:16:10,984 --> 00:16:13,684 She has... wait for it... 436 00:16:13,751 --> 00:16:15,484 (voice rising): ...here it comes... 437 00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:17,484 (high-pitched): ...almost there... 438 00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,784 an identical twin. 439 00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:20,684 Yes! 440 00:16:20,751 --> 00:16:23,118 A twin isn't the same person. 441 00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:25,450 Of course it is. What do you think identical means? 442 00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,118 "Ident"-- same, "ical"-- person. Same person. 443 00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:30,250 Hey, we could double date. 444 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:33,717 Fine. 445 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,617 But you have to promise me, 446 00:16:35,684 --> 00:16:38,984 you're not going to steal my new twin, and leave me 447 00:16:39,051 --> 00:16:41,283 with your old, used-up twin. 448 00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:42,550 Used up? 449 00:16:42,617 --> 00:16:45,650 They're a human being, Marshall. 450 00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:49,684 So Uncle Marshall and Uncle Barney 451 00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,717 went out on a double date with the twins. 452 00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:53,650 How you doing? 453 00:16:53,717 --> 00:16:54,917 Great. 454 00:16:54,984 --> 00:16:57,118 Amazing. This is so much fun. 455 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,218 And I think me and the girl are really clicking. 456 00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:00,617 You are, you definitely are. 457 00:17:00,684 --> 00:17:02,184 Listen, you're going to have to leave now. 458 00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,617 I just talked with the twins, and get this, 459 00:17:04,684 --> 00:17:07,283 I'm going home with both of them. 460 00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:10,417 Yeah. That's happening. 461 00:17:10,484 --> 00:17:13,417 It is impossible that you're doing this to me again. 462 00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:15,917 But they're twins. 463 00:17:15,984 --> 00:17:18,283 You-- you said to me that being single 464 00:17:18,350 --> 00:17:20,084 would be like being in a candy store. 465 00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:22,084 Well, it's not, it's not like a candy store. 466 00:17:22,151 --> 00:17:24,784 It's a lawless, postapocalyptic wasteland. 467 00:17:24,851 --> 00:17:27,317 I may be your best friend... Actually Ted's my best friend. 468 00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:30,650 But in this world, it's every hombre for himself. 469 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,151 That's what being single is. 470 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,118 And after nine years in captivity, 471 00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,383 that is the single greatest lesson I can teach you 472 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:38,650 about surviving in the wild. 473 00:17:38,717 --> 00:17:41,218 Now, if you'll excuse me... 474 00:17:41,283 --> 00:17:42,784 I have two unique breasts 475 00:17:42,851 --> 00:17:44,984 and two duplicates waiting for me. 476 00:17:47,017 --> 00:17:49,383 (chuckles) 477 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:52,283 Oh, bad news-- Marshall got food poisoning. 478 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:54,218 What? Oh, no. 479 00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,317 That's too bad. I really liked him. 480 00:17:56,383 --> 00:17:59,717 Yeah. well, I guess we're just a threesome tonight. 481 00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,484 Lily, what are you doing here? 482 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,184 Oh, oh, I was just walking by. I wasn't... 483 00:18:17,617 --> 00:18:19,084 Oh, you mean New York? 484 00:18:19,151 --> 00:18:20,151 My program ended. 485 00:18:20,218 --> 00:18:21,917 It was just great. 486 00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:24,417 Just lots of fun... It was awful. 487 00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,118 It was the worst mistake I ever made. 488 00:18:26,184 --> 00:18:29,250 I'm so sorry, Marshall, and... hello. 489 00:18:31,784 --> 00:18:34,250 Lily, this was the worst summer of my life. 490 00:18:34,317 --> 00:18:37,383 I know. It was the worst summer of my life. 491 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,417 It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through. 492 00:18:40,484 --> 00:18:43,917 Can we please get back together? 493 00:18:43,984 --> 00:18:48,051 All that crap you said to me about, 494 00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:51,917 "we need to figure out who we are outside of us, 495 00:18:51,984 --> 00:18:54,684 and we need to learn to do things on our own," 496 00:18:54,751 --> 00:18:56,817 it broke my heart. 497 00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:01,917 Three months ago, you broke my heart. 498 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,383 Can we please get back together? 499 00:19:08,051 --> 00:19:09,484 Lily, you were right. 500 00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:15,817 All that crap was right. 501 00:19:15,884 --> 00:19:17,684 So, no. 502 00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:20,118 No, we can't get back together. 503 00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:22,317 We shouldn't. 504 00:19:22,383 --> 00:19:25,218 At least, not right now. 505 00:19:25,283 --> 00:19:28,250 Wow. 506 00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:32,517 Okay. Yeah. 507 00:19:34,717 --> 00:19:36,250 Well... 508 00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:41,118 Will we still see each other? 509 00:19:41,184 --> 00:19:43,684 Yeah, yeah. 510 00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,017 I think so. 511 00:19:46,884 --> 00:19:48,684 I don't know. 512 00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:50,951 This is all really new to me. 513 00:19:53,118 --> 00:19:55,617 I just got out of a long relationship. 514 00:20:00,484 --> 00:20:01,984 I like your hair. 515 00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:04,084 Thanks. 516 00:20:04,151 --> 00:20:08,517 I figured new city, a different color... 517 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:10,517 * ...Wide open road * 518 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,917 * It was love to us * 519 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,867 And the pizza there, worst pizza ever. 520 00:20:22,934 --> 00:20:26,634 I'm so glad to be back in New York. 521 00:20:26,701 --> 00:20:31,300 Listen, if there's anything I can do 522 00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:34,767 to even begin to make things up to you... 523 00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:39,834 Actually there may be something that you can do for me, 524 00:20:39,901 --> 00:20:43,101 but you can never ever ask me why. 525 00:20:43,168 --> 00:20:46,134 So then I was promoted to assistant m\nage-er... 526 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,834 Manager-- why do I keep doing that? 527 00:20:48,901 --> 00:20:51,600 Lily? 528 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,901 You gave me chlamydia, you jerk. 529 00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:00,901 So where was I? 530 00:21:00,967 --> 00:21:03,034 Ah, yes, assistant m\nage-er... I did it again. 531 00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:05,400 I can't believe it. 532 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,701 You gave my twin sister chlamydia. 533 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,634 You slime! 534 00:21:13,867 --> 00:21:15,867 Wha... wait, I know magic. 535 00:21:19,267 --> 00:21:21,233 Well, played, Eriksen. 536 00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:22,800 Well played. 537 00:21:23,973 --> 00:21:26,173 Welcome to www.1000fr.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net