1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,066
in the den?
2
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:03,680
It was taken back in 2006,
when Grandma and Grandpa
3
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,809
came to visit me and we all
went out to brunch.
4
00:00:04,810 --> 00:00:07,791
We all look pretty happy,
right?
5
00:00:07,792 --> 00:00:08,825
(camera shutter clicking)
Wrong.
6
00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:10,525
I wish your face
would melt off.
7
00:00:10,592 --> 00:00:11,891
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
8
00:00:11,958 --> 00:00:14,125
I hate you.
I hate you more.
9
00:00:14,191 --> 00:00:15,191
I'm going to kill him.
10
00:00:15,258 --> 00:00:16,492
I can't say
I blame you.
11
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,825
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
12
00:00:18,891 --> 00:00:20,225
I don't care how
unpleasant it is.
13
00:00:20,291 --> 00:00:22,024
You have to
talk to him.
Not now.
14
00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:23,158
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
15
00:00:23,225 --> 00:00:24,891
Robin...
16
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,075
Okay, for any of this
to make sense,
17
00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:29,610
you got to understand, there
are three parts to this story.
18
00:00:29,676 --> 00:00:31,775
Let's start with the Marshall
and Lily part.
19
00:00:33,809 --> 00:00:35,842
As a 30th anniversary gift,
I had flown
20
00:00:35,909 --> 00:00:37,643
my parents
to New York for the weekend.
21
00:00:37,710 --> 00:00:40,076
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
your cousin Jimmy
22
00:00:40,142 --> 00:00:42,742
had a wonderful time
at that spa he visited.
23
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,309
You mean the spa the judge
ordered him
24
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:45,476
to go to to quit cocaine?
25
00:00:46,669 --> 00:00:47,276
Coffee?
26
00:00:47,343 --> 00:00:49,809
Now, Grandma and Grandpa
didn't like to talk
27
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,009
about things that were
uncomfortable, emotional,
28
00:00:52,076 --> 00:00:55,176
or in any way... real.
29
00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:56,276
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby.
30
00:00:56,343 --> 00:00:58,543
Oh, Lily!
Hi, Marshall.
31
00:00:58,610 --> 00:00:59,710
Good to see you.
32
00:00:59,775 --> 00:01:00,942
I was just
stopping by
33
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:02,552
to pick up some
of my things.
34
00:01:02,553 --> 00:01:05,253
Yes, we were so sorry
to hear about your...
35
00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:08,097
you know, the, the...
36
00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:11,437
Well...
37
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,271
Lily calling off the
wedding and dumping me?
38
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,271
Me begging Marshall to take
me back and him rejecting me?
39
00:01:16,338 --> 00:01:17,937
I love your hair.
40
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:24,936
www.1000fr.com present
41
00:01:24,937 --> 00:01:31,888
sync:FRM@mini.F
42
00:01:32,752 --> 00:01:34,819
**
Marshall and Lily
43
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,585
had seen each other
since breaking up,
44
00:01:36,652 --> 00:01:38,619
but to their credit,
it wasn't that awkward.
45
00:01:39,553 --> 00:01:40,611
Actually, we're cool.
46
00:01:40,612 --> 00:01:42,044
We just divided
up CDs.
47
00:01:42,532 --> 00:01:43,746
It was all very civil.
48
00:01:43,747 --> 00:01:45,384
I'm proud of us;
we're, we're good.
49
00:01:45,384 --> 00:01:48,864
MRS. MOSBY:
Well, we were all going to go
to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00.
50
00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:50,431
Lily, would you like to join us?
51
00:01:50,498 --> 00:01:52,631
Um...
52
00:01:52,698 --> 00:01:53,832
What?
53
00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:55,767
Well, I-I don't want to go
54
00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:57,901
if it would make you
uncomfortable.
55
00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:00,050
Why would it?
56
00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:02,904
Well, I mean, yeah,
we're... we're good,
57
00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:07,071
but you got to admit
there's that stuff between us.
58
00:02:07,138 --> 00:02:08,871
Um, not for me.
59
00:02:08,938 --> 00:02:10,704
Now it's just like
we're friends.
60
00:02:10,771 --> 00:02:13,371
It's like we're
brother and sister.
61
00:02:15,648 --> 00:02:18,247
"Brother and sister"?!
62
00:02:18,676 --> 00:02:20,287
Okay.Fine, yeah,
63
00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:22,276
I'll see you
at the restaurant, bro.
64
00:02:25,464 --> 00:02:27,909
See? Not awkward at all.
65
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,799
Hello, everyone.
Hi.
66
00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:30,843
Hello, Marshall.
67
00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:33,446
MRS. MOSBY:
Lily, that is a stunning dress.
68
00:02:33,447 --> 00:02:35,084
Oh, thanks.
69
00:02:35,576 --> 00:02:36,739
It's kind of revealing,
70
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,369
but I thought, "Hey,
we're all family."
71
00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,604
(chuckling):
Right, bro?
72
00:02:40,671 --> 00:02:42,537
Ooh. Ow.
73
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,553
What's wrong?
74
00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:46,254
Oh, I, I hurt my
ankle in yoga today.
75
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,821
The instructor told me
to just take deep breaths
76
00:02:48,888 --> 00:02:51,287
to get through
the pain, just...
77
00:02:58,416 --> 00:03:00,060
Are you all right?
78
00:03:00,061 --> 00:03:01,838
You're kind of sweating.
79
00:03:01,839 --> 00:03:02,806
No, I'm fine.
80
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:06,240
It's just...
this roll is really spicy.
81
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,577
Lily is evil!
82
00:03:08,644 --> 00:03:10,911
She just wore that dress
to torture me.
83
00:03:10,977 --> 00:03:12,911
Well, you know what?
Two can play at that game.
84
00:03:12,977 --> 00:03:15,244
See, at brunch, I'm going
to torture Lily right back.
85
00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:17,116
Yeah.
86
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:19,496
There's a part of my body that
she's got a weakness for, too.
87
00:03:19,497 --> 00:03:22,063
Dude, you can't whip that out
at brunch.
88
00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:25,152
No, not that.
89
00:03:25,153 --> 00:03:27,953
I'm going to unleash my calves.
90
00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:31,045
That's crazy.
91
00:03:31,046 --> 00:03:32,879
Nobody's turned on
by men's calves.
92
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,509
They're a thoroughly
unerotic body part.
93
00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:36,910
Well, yeah, I'd say that, too,
94
00:03:36,977 --> 00:03:38,910
if I had those skinny little
chicken legs.
95
00:03:40,944 --> 00:03:43,343
I'll be waiting by the phone
for your apology.
96
00:03:45,177 --> 00:03:47,877
So Marshall showed up at brunch
with a plan.
97
00:03:47,892 --> 00:03:49,025
Hello.
Oh, hi.
98
00:03:49,092 --> 00:03:50,658
Hey, Marshall.
Hey.
99
00:03:50,725 --> 00:03:52,391
Hey. How are you feeling?
100
00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:54,358
You looked kind of feverish
last night.
101
00:03:54,425 --> 00:03:56,525
Oh, no, I actually
feel great.
102
00:03:57,712 --> 00:04:00,167
It is kind of warm in
here, though, isn't it?
103
00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:02,701
Oh, I don't know,
if anything, it's kind of...
104
00:04:02,768 --> 00:04:03,868
What are you doing?
105
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,759
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
106
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,061
I'm just making myself feel a
little bit more... comfortable.
107
00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:15,927
Oh.
108
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,627
Oh, yes.
109
00:04:18,782 --> 00:04:21,941
I've been doing all these
toe lifts lately, and so...
110
00:04:21,942 --> 00:04:25,023
my calves have really
been cramping up.
111
00:04:34,715 --> 00:04:35,711
Take off your shirt.
112
00:04:35,712 --> 00:04:37,146
Take off the rest
of your pants.
113
00:04:37,168 --> 00:04:39,333
Oh.
Oh.
114
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,767
I really wasn't expecting
that to happen.
115
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:42,352
Yeah, me neither.
116
00:04:42,353 --> 00:04:44,319
It kind of complicates
things, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does.
117
00:04:44,386 --> 00:04:47,252
Why did you have to throw
your magnificent calves at me?
118
00:04:47,319 --> 00:04:49,152
You know you have
a punter's leg.
119
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:51,686
Well, why did you have to throw
your beautiful boobs at me?
120
00:04:51,884 --> 00:04:54,751
You know you have... boobs.
121
00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:58,164
Just admit it, you came here
trying to seduce me.
122
00:04:58,178 --> 00:04:59,945
Seduce you?
You seduced me.
123
00:05:00,094 --> 00:05:03,004
You sat down next to me
and took most of your pants off.
124
00:05:03,005 --> 00:05:04,573
You went to San Francisco
for three months.
125
00:05:04,639 --> 00:05:06,406
How is that seducing you?
126
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,072
Well, it's not but I'm
still mad about it.
127
00:05:08,139 --> 00:05:10,706
All right, that's it--
I want TheBeatles Anthology.
128
00:05:10,773 --> 00:05:12,112
Oh, well, that's too
bad; I'm keeping it.
129
00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:13,879
And you know the U2
box set I gave you?
130
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,813
Look inside--
all Dave Matthews.
131
00:05:15,879 --> 00:05:17,380
You are evil.
132
00:05:17,446 --> 00:05:18,580
Smile.
133
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,012
I'm going to kill him.
134
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:23,480
I can't say
I blame you.
135
00:05:23,546 --> 00:05:26,113
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
136
00:05:26,179 --> 00:05:30,079
Now let's talk about
the Barney part of the story.
137
00:05:32,113 --> 00:05:34,480
This was going to be Robin's
first time meeting my parents,
138
00:05:34,546 --> 00:05:36,713
so we were both
a little nervous.
(knocking)
139
00:05:38,378 --> 00:05:40,211
(scoffs)
Barney, what are you doing here?
140
00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:41,646
Uh... I'm here to
meet your parents.
141
00:05:41,713 --> 00:05:43,584
They must be dying
to meet me after all
142
00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,460
the legendary Barney
stories you've told them.
143
00:05:45,461 --> 00:05:47,448
I haven't told them any
legendary Barney stories.
144
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,271
What?
145
00:05:48,272 --> 00:05:50,211
Barney, here is a list
of all the things
146
00:05:50,212 --> 00:05:51,643
I talk with my dad about:
147
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,698
baseball.
148
00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:56,968
But I'm your best friend.
149
00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:58,114
Well, actually Marshall's my...
150
00:05:58,115 --> 00:05:59,749
I'm the most important
person in your life.
151
00:06:00,004 --> 00:06:00,951
Well, Robin's actually...
152
00:06:00,951 --> 00:06:03,029
How could your parents not know about me?
153
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,362
I'm delightful.
154
00:06:04,429 --> 00:06:08,195
To us, sure, in very small,
infrequent doses.
155
00:06:08,262 --> 00:06:09,929
I mean, come on,
you're not exactly
156
00:06:09,996 --> 00:06:12,163
the kind of friend
parents want their kid to have.
157
00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,929
Oh, really?
158
00:06:13,996 --> 00:06:16,195
Then I guess those
shoes aren't the thing
159
00:06:16,262 --> 00:06:18,096
you're most wrong
about today.
160
00:06:21,929 --> 00:06:22,962
Hey, Mom.
161
00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:24,021
Hey, Dad.
MR. MOSBY:
Ted.
162
00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:25,222
I know you've all
been excited to meet...
163
00:06:25,289 --> 00:06:26,656
Barney Stinson.
164
00:06:26,723 --> 00:06:29,389
An honor to meet
the two of you.
165
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,689
That needlepoint "Bless This
Mess" pillow you made for Ted--
166
00:06:31,755 --> 00:06:32,922
what a stitch.
167
00:06:32,989 --> 00:06:34,955
Stitch!
Did that just happen?
168
00:06:36,055 --> 00:06:37,955
Uh, Mom, Dad,
169
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:38,989
this is my
girlfriend, Robin.
170
00:06:39,055 --> 00:06:40,222
Hello.
ROBIN:
Hello.
171
00:06:40,289 --> 00:06:41,189
MRS. MOSBY:
Oh, it's wonderful
172
00:06:41,256 --> 00:06:42,289
to meet you, Robin.
173
00:06:42,356 --> 00:06:43,788
Oh, you are so pretty.
174
00:06:43,855 --> 00:06:44,888
Isn't she pretty, Al?
175
00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:46,591
A real looker.
176
00:06:46,592 --> 00:06:48,793
That's funny, I didn't even
"look" in the mirror today.
177
00:06:52,021 --> 00:06:54,488
That's not anything,
is it?
178
00:06:54,658 --> 00:06:58,224
So, I made a reservation
at San Marino tonight for 8:00.
179
00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:01,492
(laughing):
San Marino.
180
00:07:01,493 --> 00:07:02,921
Oh, you're serious? Yikes.
181
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,189
No. We have to try
Casa A Pezzi.
182
00:07:05,256 --> 00:07:07,779
Best salmon risotto
I have ever had.
183
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,280
I love salmon risotto.
184
00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,276
I know.
185
00:07:12,428 --> 00:07:14,456
How are we supposed to get
a table at Casa A Pezzi?
186
00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:15,490
They're booked for weeks.
187
00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:16,738
Well, lucky for you,
188
00:07:16,739 --> 00:07:18,572
I happen to know
the head waitress,
189
00:07:18,577 --> 00:07:19,644
which is ironic
because...
190
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:24,911
Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter
191
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,160
where I serve the food.
192
00:07:26,999 --> 00:07:30,064
Where do you
volunteer, Robin?
193
00:07:30,131 --> 00:07:31,798
What's the
matter with you?
194
00:07:31,979 --> 00:07:34,113
I'm his girlfriend,
and I'm not even
trying that hard.
195
00:07:34,178 --> 00:07:35,946
Way to wreck the
curve, kiss-ass.
196
00:07:36,642 --> 00:07:38,435
Robin, I'm his
best friend.
197
00:07:38,436 --> 00:07:39,708
That's a commitment.
198
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,976
Girlfriend, that's
like a bad flu.
199
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:44,375
Out of your system
after a couple weeks in bed.
200
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:45,539
(chuckling):
High five.
201
00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:47,406
Can I help?
202
00:07:47,473 --> 00:07:49,403
Yes, you can,
Virginia.
203
00:07:49,404 --> 00:07:50,938
There's a story
behind that broach,
204
00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:52,104
and I'm going to hear it.
205
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,983
Well, funny you should ask.
206
00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:02,502
MR. MOSBY:
Whoa! Bravo, Barney.
207
00:08:02,503 --> 00:08:05,067
That is my all-time
favorite sonata.
208
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,767
Barney, you are just delightful.
209
00:08:06,883 --> 00:08:09,850
No, Virginia, you're delightful,
I am deligh-ted.
210
00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:11,416
And he's just Ted.
211
00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:12,696
I'm really not
planning these things;
212
00:08:12,947 --> 00:08:14,513
they just keep happening.
213
00:08:14,579 --> 00:08:15,813
(laughter)
Whoops.
214
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:18,265
I think I dropped
an ice cube down here.
215
00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,167
Ow, it's so cold.
216
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,333
All right, that's it,
I'm out of here.
217
00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:26,200
In a minute.
218
00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:28,067
Anyone up for a drink
at MacLaren's?
219
00:08:28,134 --> 00:08:30,013
No, I'm kind of tired.
Me, too.
220
00:08:30,014 --> 00:08:31,240
Yeah, I'm sure my folks
are gonna want...
221
00:08:31,241 --> 00:08:33,974
I feel like I could knock
back a few cervezas.
222
00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,442
Cervezas?
223
00:08:35,508 --> 00:08:36,642
Did he fall?
224
00:08:37,563 --> 00:08:38,795
I'd join you, too,
225
00:08:38,862 --> 00:08:41,622
but I want to get up early
for Mass tomorrow.
226
00:08:41,623 --> 00:08:44,756
St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m.,
it's my favorite service.
227
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:48,956
Wait a minute-- you're able to
cross the threshold of a church?
228
00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:50,456
I'll save you a seat.
229
00:08:50,522 --> 00:08:52,889
Oh, you are just terrific.
230
00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:54,556
Isn't he, Susan?
231
00:08:55,623 --> 00:08:56,723
Robin.
232
00:08:56,789 --> 00:08:58,956
Susan, her name is Virginia.
233
00:09:02,356 --> 00:09:04,889
Dude, I am sincerely ticked
at your dad right now.
234
00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:06,489
Why?
235
00:09:06,556 --> 00:09:08,923
Last night, we go to MacLaren's
for a drink, right?
236
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:11,923
So Barney darts back
into the burning house,
237
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:13,990
lifts up the refrigerator
I'm pinned under
238
00:09:14,056 --> 00:09:15,389
and pulls me to safety.
239
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,422
Whoa. You're like a hero.
240
00:09:18,489 --> 00:09:20,356
Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy.
241
00:09:20,422 --> 00:09:21,889
You know who is a hero?
242
00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:25,056
My Dalmatian, Smokey.
243
00:09:25,122 --> 00:09:29,856
He... didn't... make it out.
244
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:32,990
(sobbing):
I'm sorry.
245
00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:36,389
You poor, brave man.
246
00:09:36,456 --> 00:09:38,990
Why don't you give
the guy a hug?
247
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,155
I'm... oh.
248
00:09:45,023 --> 00:09:46,723
My dad was your wingman?
249
00:09:47,592 --> 00:09:49,074
This is really
messing with my head.
250
00:09:49,075 --> 00:09:50,909
Barney, is my dad cool?
251
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:53,684
I'm not done.
252
00:09:53,751 --> 00:09:56,617
So, your dad stays
to finish his drink,
but I take off
253
00:09:56,684 --> 00:09:59,311
because I have to be up early
for Mass with your mom.
254
00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:00,823
Sure.
255
00:10:00,824 --> 00:10:03,291
Anyway, I realize that I left
my phone on the bar,
256
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:04,595
so I come back...
257
00:10:08,829 --> 00:10:10,328
(whispers):
Oh, my God...
258
00:10:10,395 --> 00:10:12,461
Mmm...
259
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,212
Oh, my God.
260
00:10:17,213 --> 00:10:19,814
Is that really...
261
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:20,975
Oh, my God!
262
00:10:20,976 --> 00:10:22,409
I know.
263
00:10:22,475 --> 00:10:26,412
**
264
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:34,067
My dad made out with
Wendy the waitress?
265
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,300
He cheated on my mom?
266
00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:36,801
No, that's impossible.
267
00:10:36,866 --> 00:10:39,933
Ted, it's a well-known statistic
that 83% of people
268
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,866
married longer than six months
are seeing someone on the side.
269
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,133
Do you know that
when you make up
270
00:10:44,134 --> 00:10:45,365
a statistic,
you always use "83%"?
271
00:10:45,366 --> 00:10:47,133
You think I'm lying.
272
00:10:47,134 --> 00:10:49,633
Well, have you done
any surveys on the subject?
273
00:10:50,493 --> 00:10:51,363
Because the good people at
274
00:10:51,364 --> 00:10:56,292
www.swingers.open-marriage-is
natural\legalize-polygamy.org
275
00:10:56,292 --> 00:10:58,098
have, and they beg to differ.
276
00:10:58,099 --> 00:10:59,465
That's not a real Web site.
277
00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:01,432
Oh, and I suppose
I didn't get a real T-shirt
278
00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:02,533
for running in their 10K.
279
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,200
Hi, Dad.
Hey, Ted.
280
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,433
Barney.
281
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,500
TED:
Enjoying your
vacation so far?
282
00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:12,166
Oh, yeah.
283
00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:14,200
Uh, listen, can I speak
to you outside for a sec?
284
00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:15,267
Sure.
285
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,333
So you went out
with Barney last night?
286
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,600
Yeah.
287
00:11:23,328 --> 00:11:24,203
You have a good time?
288
00:11:24,204 --> 00:11:25,804
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry
you couldn't join us.
289
00:11:28,237 --> 00:11:30,804
Yeah.
290
00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,537
So...
291
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,104
What?
292
00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:36,937
Well...
293
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,637
Well what?
294
00:11:40,537 --> 00:11:43,504
You think Cerrano's got
a shot at the RBI title?
295
00:11:45,099 --> 00:11:46,765
I wanted to confront him,
but I couldn't.
296
00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,466
I guess I got
the let's-not-talk-about-
297
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,099
anything-
uncomfortable gene.
298
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:51,732
Well, you didn't get your
dad's close-the-deal gene,
299
00:11:51,799 --> 00:11:52,765
that's for sure.
300
00:11:52,832 --> 00:11:54,266
Smile.
301
00:11:54,332 --> 00:11:55,598
Great.
302
00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:57,732
I don't care how
unpleasant it is.
303
00:11:57,799 --> 00:11:58,999
You have to
talk to him.
304
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,099
Not now.
305
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,533
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
306
00:12:01,598 --> 00:12:02,832
Robin...!
307
00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:06,065
TED:
Okay, now I got to back up
308
00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:07,279
all the way
to the beginning
309
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,413
to tell you the me
and Robin part of the story.
310
00:12:11,405 --> 00:12:13,571
We were expecting my parents
at any minute.
311
00:12:13,638 --> 00:12:15,171
One last thing about my mom.
312
00:12:15,238 --> 00:12:16,837
She grills every
single one of
313
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,104
my girlfriends about when we're
gonna get married and have kids.
314
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,004
But this is the first time
she's meeting me.
315
00:12:21,071 --> 00:12:21,853
Doesn't matter.
316
00:12:21,854 --> 00:12:22,644
And you'll know it's coming
317
00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:25,046
when she mentions my cousin
Stacy-- six kids in five years.
318
00:12:26,336 --> 00:12:28,169
The woman's basically
a ride at a water park.
319
00:12:29,908 --> 00:12:32,615
But I don't want
to get married and have kids.
320
00:12:32,616 --> 00:12:34,091
What am I supposed to say?
321
00:12:34,092 --> 00:12:35,720
You know what?
322
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,988
You're an adult with
perfectly valid opinions.
323
00:12:38,054 --> 00:12:39,653
You shouldn't have to
apologize for them.
324
00:12:39,654 --> 00:12:41,888
I'm gonna lie.
I would.
325
00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:45,606
Thanks again for
letting me have the U2 box set.
326
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,313
I know how important
it is to you.
327
00:12:48,529 --> 00:12:49,961
I talked to Aunt
Caroline the other day.
328
00:12:50,028 --> 00:12:52,228
Stacy's pregnant again.
329
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:55,062
Oh, good for her.
330
00:12:55,128 --> 00:12:56,728
So, dear...
331
00:12:56,795 --> 00:12:58,728
Oh, boy.
Tell us what it's like
being a journalist.
332
00:12:58,795 --> 00:12:59,995
I'm just not ready.
333
00:13:00,062 --> 00:13:02,295
Okay. No pressure.
334
00:13:03,345 --> 00:13:04,038
Oh.
335
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:06,440
Uh, I thought you, um...
336
00:13:06,506 --> 00:13:07,673
It's great.
337
00:13:07,739 --> 00:13:08,772
Good.
338
00:13:08,946 --> 00:13:10,146
Focus on your job now,
339
00:13:10,302 --> 00:13:12,369
because your career clock
is ticking.
340
00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:13,968
There's time
for marriage and kids
341
00:13:14,104 --> 00:13:15,938
and all that other stuff later.
342
00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:19,137
Ooh, a piano!
343
00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:23,516
TED:
You lucked out with my mom last
night, huh?
344
00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:24,741
What a relief, right?
345
00:13:24,742 --> 00:13:26,409
Oh, absolutely.
Whew, what a relief it is
346
00:13:26,952 --> 00:13:28,141
to know I'm the one girlfriend
347
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:29,643
your mom doesn't want you
to have kids with.
348
00:13:30,649 --> 00:13:32,884
Hooray?
349
00:13:32,885 --> 00:13:35,624
I mean, did she really think
that your college girlfriend Chery
350
00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:37,379
would pop out
attractive children?
351
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:39,413
'Cause I've seen pictures,
and, I'm sorry,
352
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,580
that girl had a brow ridge
like a caveman.
353
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:45,043
Come on, she was just
frowning under direct light.
354
00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:46,636
And besides, that's not even
what I liked about her.
355
00:13:46,637 --> 00:13:48,572
It was her...
It's not important.
356
00:13:51,371 --> 00:13:52,938
What happened to
Marshall and Lily?
357
00:13:53,004 --> 00:13:54,238
They've been fighting lately.
358
00:13:54,305 --> 00:13:56,371
They're probably off
somewhere going at it.
359
00:13:56,438 --> 00:13:57,871
More coffee?
360
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,737
Oh, no, thank you.
361
00:14:00,804 --> 00:14:02,771
Isn't she sweet?
362
00:14:02,838 --> 00:14:05,604
Well, if she's so sweet, maybe
she should have Ted's babies.
363
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,871
Excuse me?
364
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:10,872
Nothing.
365
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:17,168
LILY:
Just a minute.
366
00:14:17,169 --> 00:14:18,536
MARSHALL:
Maybe less.
367
00:14:18,603 --> 00:14:20,200
Robin, dear.
368
00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:21,967
Did I say something
to upset you?
369
00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:23,834
Why don't you want me
to have your grandkids?
370
00:14:25,122 --> 00:14:26,824
Do you want to have
my grandkids?
371
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,971
No!
372
00:14:27,972 --> 00:14:29,539
I mean, I don't know.
373
00:14:29,606 --> 00:14:30,572
I just...
374
00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:33,224
I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids.
375
00:14:33,224 --> 00:14:34,149
And you should.
376
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,550
I'm a genetic gold mine.
377
00:14:36,236 --> 00:14:37,202
No family history of diabetes
378
00:14:37,269 --> 00:14:38,769
or heart disease.
379
00:14:38,857 --> 00:14:41,258
Everyone has nonporous teeth
and perfect eyesight.
380
00:14:42,283 --> 00:14:44,164
I had one schizophrenic uncle,
381
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,431
but even he had perfect vision.
382
00:14:46,572 --> 00:14:51,102
Which was unfortunate
for the people around the bell tower he was in,
383
00:14:51,102 --> 00:14:52,950
but still he w a very fine man, and...
384
00:14:52,951 --> 00:14:54,117
Excuse me. Sorry.
385
00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:55,725
Didn't know that
there was a line.
386
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:57,925
Marshall, your zipper.
387
00:14:57,992 --> 00:14:59,025
Oh.
388
00:15:05,891 --> 00:15:09,092
Robin, it's not that I
don't want grandkids.
389
00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:11,558
It's just I don't think
anyone should make the mistake
390
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:13,458
of getting married too young.
391
00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:13,381
Why do you say that?
392
00:15:13,382 --> 00:15:15,916
I mean, you got married
pretty young.
393
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:16,949
That wasn't a mistake.
394
00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:19,949
Was it?
395
00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:21,949
(whispers):
Well...
396
00:15:22,016 --> 00:15:23,916
Okay, there's something
you don't know.
397
00:15:23,983 --> 00:15:25,849
WAITRESS:
Smile.
398
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,550
I wish your face
would melt off.
399
00:15:27,617 --> 00:15:28,949
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
400
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:30,150
I'm gonna kill him.
401
00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:31,183
I don't care how
unpleasant it is,
402
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,450
you have to
talk to him.
403
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:34,083
Not now.
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
404
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:36,317
Robin...!
405
00:15:36,383 --> 00:15:38,883
Oh, gosh, let me help you
pick those up, sweetheart.
406
00:15:38,949 --> 00:15:40,350
Sweetheart?
407
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,816
Sweetheart?!
408
00:15:41,883 --> 00:15:43,216
The only sweetheart in your life
409
00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:44,417
should be the woman you
married 30 years ago,
410
00:15:44,483 --> 00:15:46,016
not the waitress
at the bar last night
411
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,450
and not this clumsy floozy!
412
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:49,450
I'm sorry, you're
not a floozy.
413
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,150
I'm upset, I don't know
what I'm saying.
414
00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:53,650
But stay away from my dad.
415
00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:56,784
Ted, what are you talking about?
416
00:15:56,849 --> 00:15:58,283
Dad?
417
00:15:58,350 --> 00:16:01,378
You, uh, want
to tell Mom
418
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,684
what happened at the bar
last night?
419
00:16:05,445 --> 00:16:07,366
Okay.
420
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,421
I hooked up with a waitress.
421
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:11,532
Oh.
422
00:16:12,226 --> 00:16:13,793
Oh?
423
00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:15,526
I mean, oh!
424
00:16:15,786 --> 00:16:17,953
Oh! Ooh!
425
00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:19,365
We're going to have
a serious talk
426
00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:20,898
about this when
we get home, Al.
427
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,365
Oh, ooh!
428
00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:24,567
Serious talk?
429
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:25,535
Mom, what...?
430
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:26,922
He was kissing another woman.
431
00:16:26,923 --> 00:16:27,856
Don't you care?
432
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,502
Mrs. Mosby?
433
00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:34,893
Ted, we weren't quite sure
how to tell you this...
434
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:37,493
Your mother and I
are divorced.
435
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,959
You...
436
00:16:43,026 --> 00:16:44,193
What do you mean
you're divorced?
437
00:16:44,260 --> 00:16:45,593
Since when?
438
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:48,093
Oh, gosh, it's been
about nine months now.
439
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,593
Closer to ten, I think.
440
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,460
Time flies.
(chuckles)
441
00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,160
So ten months ago,
you just up and decided
442
00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:55,826
to get divorced
without telling me?
443
00:16:55,893 --> 00:16:57,527
No, it wasn't a
snap decision.
444
00:16:57,593 --> 00:16:59,593
We'd been separated
almost two years.
445
00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:01,794
How could you not tell me this?!
446
00:17:01,859 --> 00:17:05,160
We meant to, it just never
seemed like the right time.
447
00:17:05,226 --> 00:17:07,327
So last Christmas...?
448
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,360
We talked about
telling you kids then,
449
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,427
but it didn't seem
very Christmasy.
450
00:17:12,693 --> 00:17:14,365
I got you a tandem bike.
451
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,437
Oh, it didn't
go to waste.
452
00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:17,071
Your mother and Frank
ride it all the time.
453
00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,066
Who the hell is Frank?!
454
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:20,763
(chuckling):
Oh, great guy.
455
00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:22,497
I actually set them up.
456
00:17:22,713 --> 00:17:24,012
You remember Dr. Muchnik.
457
00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:25,473
He did your braces.
458
00:17:29,106 --> 00:17:30,706
Okay, my head's
about to explode,
459
00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:32,939
and I don't want to get it
all over everyone's waffles,
460
00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:34,539
so I am leaving.
461
00:17:34,606 --> 00:17:36,239
Teddy bear, oh...
462
00:17:40,272 --> 00:17:43,272
You know, he mentioned
he was divorced last night.
463
00:17:43,339 --> 00:17:44,506
I totally spaced on that.
464
00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:48,606
Ooh, no line
at the omelet station.
465
00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:56,539
Lily...
466
00:17:57,637 --> 00:18:00,436
I'm sorry that I said
all those things.
467
00:18:00,437 --> 00:18:02,204
Me, too.
468
00:18:03,384 --> 00:18:06,150
I just find it really confusing
to be around you right now.
469
00:18:06,217 --> 00:18:07,284
It's the same for me.
470
00:18:08,883 --> 00:18:10,718
I think we're probably
both better off
471
00:18:10,784 --> 00:18:12,983
trying to keep some
distance for a while.
472
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,303
Yeah, I think you're right.
473
00:18:23,648 --> 00:18:24,881
Are you wearing
a push-up bra?
474
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,290
Did you Mystic
Tan your calves?
475
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:29,173
I withdraw the question.
476
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,999
We're sorry we didn't say
anything about the divorce.
477
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,701
It was wrong
not to tell you.
478
00:18:35,559 --> 00:18:37,058
Thank you.
479
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:38,337
But listen,
don't tell your sister.
480
00:18:38,338 --> 00:18:39,605
It would just
upset her.
481
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,556
No, this is
ridiculous!
482
00:18:42,557 --> 00:18:45,223
We have to start talking about
stuff, and not just baseball.
483
00:18:46,076 --> 00:18:47,915
Indians won today
on a walk-off double.
484
00:18:47,916 --> 00:18:50,349
Against the Red Sox?
Boy, that's a big win.
485
00:18:50,423 --> 00:18:51,565
No. No. No.
486
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:52,899
We're not gonna
blow past this.
487
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:53,899
I mean, I don't even
488
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,299
know who you people.
489
00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:56,833
I don't even know
how you met.
490
00:18:56,899 --> 00:18:59,032
I never told you
how I met your mother?
491
00:18:59,099 --> 00:18:59,800
No.
492
00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,133
Oh, great story.
493
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:02,800
At a bar.
494
00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:05,999
That's it?
495
00:19:06,066 --> 00:19:08,299
That's what passes for
communication in our family?
496
00:19:08,366 --> 00:19:09,600
Man, when I have kids,
497
00:19:09,666 --> 00:19:11,566
and I tell them how
I met their mother,
498
00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,966
I'm gonna tell them everything,
the whole damn story.
499
00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:18,299
I think it was an Irish bar.
500
00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:21,867
I just, I don't...
I don't understand.
501
00:19:21,932 --> 00:19:23,032
You seemed so happy.
502
00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:24,266
When I was growing up,
503
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:25,999
you seemed so...
504
00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:27,333
What happened?
505
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,133
We just realized we're
very different people.
506
00:19:30,199 --> 00:19:32,533
Your father's kind of a
head-in-the-clouds romantic,
507
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,299
and I'm much more
down to earth.
508
00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:36,133
So?
509
00:19:36,199 --> 00:19:37,400
Robin and I
are like that.
510
00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:38,500
That doesn't
mean anything.
511
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:40,366
I wanted kids.
512
00:19:40,433 --> 00:19:42,533
And your mother...
513
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,533
also wanted kids.
514
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,666
Robin and I have
different views on families.
515
00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:49,700
We're not about to break up
because of it.
516
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:52,133
On some level,
I always knew.
517
00:19:52,199 --> 00:19:54,600
I didn't even want to go out
with him in the beginning.
518
00:19:54,666 --> 00:19:57,833
But he spent months badgering
me until I finally gave in.
519
00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:00,941
Huh.
520
00:20:00,942 --> 00:20:02,975
Well, when you don't connect
on that many fundamental levels,
521
00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:05,327
it's only a matter of time
before you realize
522
00:20:05,328 --> 00:20:06,562
you're not meant
to be together.
523
00:20:08,462 --> 00:20:10,795
But we love Robin.
524
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:11,994
MR. MOSBY:
Absolutely.
525
00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,128
Meeting you was
the highlight of my trip.
526
00:20:14,195 --> 00:20:16,961
Well, second highlight.
527
00:20:17,028 --> 00:20:18,462
MRS. MOSBY:
We'll see you inside.
528
00:20:18,528 --> 00:20:20,528
Sorry.
529
00:20:25,028 --> 00:20:26,328
Wow.
530
00:20:26,395 --> 00:20:27,994
I know.
531
00:20:29,279 --> 00:20:32,047
They love me!
532
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,107
We are definitely going to
try and communicate more.
533
00:20:37,174 --> 00:20:38,707
From now on,
full disclosure.
534
00:20:38,774 --> 00:20:41,840
Good. Good, I think it'll be
really good for the family.
535
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:46,074
By the way,how's Grandma?
She hasn't returned my last couple calls.
536
00:20:53,459 --> 00:20:55,526
I'm gonna get
some juice.
537
00:20:57,929 --> 00:20:59,630
No.
538
00:21:00,762 --> 00:21:03,496
No.
539
00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:07,738
You missed a great game
last night. Real squeaker.
540
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:13,724
welcome to www.1000fr.com
541
00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:13,164
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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