1 00:00:01,557 --> 00:00:04,217 Your Uncle Barney was always always a bit of an enigma. 2 00:00:04,227 --> 00:00:06,001 In all the years we lived in New York, 3 00:00:06,011 --> 00:00:08,715 none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. 4 00:00:08,725 --> 00:00:11,896 Until one day, one of us did. 5 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,310 It's a pretty good story. 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,196 And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. 7 00:00:19,206 --> 00:00:22,023 It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming. 8 00:00:22,173 --> 00:00:24,519 Hey, welcome to my new home. 9 00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:27,296 Oh, wow, Lily, this is... 10 00:00:27,552 --> 00:00:29,555 Oh, this is all of it. 11 00:00:29,565 --> 00:00:32,210 Yeah, I know it's small, but it's got character. 12 00:00:32,214 --> 00:00:32,980 Thank you. 13 00:00:32,993 --> 00:00:36,485 And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. 14 00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:37,337 They're great. 15 00:00:37,352 --> 00:00:38,964 They're always out there in the hall, you know, 16 00:00:38,999 --> 00:00:41,676 cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. 17 00:00:41,701 --> 00:00:43,164 It's nice. 18 00:00:43,430 --> 00:00:45,466 Hey, is that a toilet in your kitchen? 19 00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:47,647 Or a stove in your bathroom? 20 00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:50,216 Oh, that's not just a stove. 21 00:00:50,232 --> 00:00:51,886 That's a stovenkerator: 22 00:00:51,902 --> 00:00:55,844 a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. 23 00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:57,187 Stovenkerator. 24 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,684 Isn't that futuristic? 25 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,134 God, I hope not. 26 00:01:00,149 --> 00:01:02,874 Hey, cool Murphy bed. 27 00:01:02,891 --> 00:01:06,227 Yeah, it's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so... 28 00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:07,574 Oh! 29 00:01:08,942 --> 00:01:12,886 You know what, I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. 30 00:01:12,902 --> 00:01:14,496 For some reason. 31 00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:16,304 I got it. 32 00:01:21,201 --> 00:01:25,354 That was, something, something, I am going to, something, 33 00:01:25,371 --> 00:01:28,485 you like a, something, donkey. 34 00:01:28,502 --> 00:01:29,977 Huh. 35 00:01:30,129 --> 00:01:32,145 Other cultures. 36 00:01:32,161 --> 00:01:34,984 Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. 37 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,117 Hey, who ate all the...? 38 00:01:53,225 --> 00:01:57,841 Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon. 39 00:01:57,854 --> 00:02:01,119 I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic. 40 00:02:01,136 --> 00:02:04,458 Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that. 41 00:02:04,474 --> 00:02:06,988 What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, 42 00:02:07,003 --> 00:02:08,179 but it's gotta have a couch. 43 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,501 The Fortress of Barnitude? No way. 44 00:02:10,513 --> 00:02:11,929 Come on. She's desperate. 45 00:02:11,943 --> 00:02:14,058 Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, 46 00:02:14,094 --> 00:02:15,638 but... pass. 47 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:20,028 One of you guys is very, very lucky because I have... 48 00:02:20,046 --> 00:02:23,501 a boom, an extra ticket to the Alanis Morissette concert. Who's in? 49 00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:24,990 - Absolutely not. - No. 50 00:02:25,006 --> 00:02:27,960 Damn! I got these tickets, like, months ago for me and Lily 51 00:02:27,976 --> 00:02:30,318 and now I can't find anyone to go with me. 52 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:32,299 This is what I miss about being in a couple. 53 00:02:32,316 --> 00:02:34,269 I always had someone to go to concerts with, 54 00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:35,858 or farmer's market, 55 00:02:35,874 --> 00:02:37,448 or brunch. 56 00:02:37,466 --> 00:02:39,089 God, I miss brunch! 57 00:02:39,106 --> 00:02:42,080 Well, I guess you could-- well, you could try going to brunch alone. 58 00:02:42,093 --> 00:02:44,188 Oh, you don't think I've tried? 59 00:02:44,454 --> 00:02:45,870 Table for one. 60 00:02:45,883 --> 00:02:48,179 One couple? 61 00:02:48,196 --> 00:02:49,550 Um, no, just me. 62 00:02:49,563 --> 00:02:50,950 Really? 63 00:02:50,965 --> 00:02:52,751 For brunch? 64 00:02:52,764 --> 00:02:54,898 You're right. Who am I kidding? 65 00:02:55,906 --> 00:02:59,270 Ooh, The Popover Pantry. That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow? 66 00:02:59,283 --> 00:03:00,659 Of course, sweetie. 67 00:03:00,675 --> 00:03:01,868 Can I go with you guys? 68 00:03:01,885 --> 00:03:04,498 Really? For brunch? 69 00:03:04,654 --> 00:03:07,150 God, I hate being single! 70 00:03:10,113 --> 00:03:12,371 Okay, I'll take the over on the Pittsburgh game. 71 00:03:12,383 --> 00:03:14,598 Oh, and P. to the S., I never got my payout 72 00:03:14,616 --> 00:03:16,660 from Seattle from two weeks ago. 73 00:03:16,676 --> 00:03:20,879 Yeah. Don't make me call the gaming commission on you. 74 00:03:20,893 --> 00:03:23,989 I'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. 75 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,700 All right? All right? 76 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,620 Okay, I love you, too, Mom. Take care. 77 00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:35,040 Hello, Lily. 78 00:03:37,526 --> 00:03:40,338 You've somehow managed to circumvent my security. 79 00:03:40,356 --> 00:03:42,188 How did you do it? 80 00:03:42,203 --> 00:03:43,921 Ted gave me your spare key. 81 00:03:43,936 --> 00:03:46,028 Spare key, brilliant! 82 00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:48,218 I'm sorry, but you know I'd only come here 83 00:03:48,235 --> 00:03:50,299 if I had no other choice. 84 00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:54,061 But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and... 85 00:04:06,533 --> 00:04:08,231 Sveikas. 86 00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:13,360 That's terrible. 87 00:04:13,374 --> 00:04:15,071 Well, see ya. 88 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:17,288 Well, can I stay here maybe? 89 00:04:17,305 --> 00:04:20,780 Oh... I'd let you, but I don't have any room. 90 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,860 You live in a two-bedroom apartment. 91 00:04:22,874 --> 00:04:25,688 You have one room just for your suits. 92 00:04:25,705 --> 00:04:29,699 Hey, I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. 93 00:04:29,713 --> 00:04:31,758 Look around you, Lily. 94 00:04:31,774 --> 00:04:34,390 You are in the heart of bachelor country, 95 00:04:34,403 --> 00:04:37,721 and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. 96 00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:41,761 Now, you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 97 00:04:41,776 --> 00:04:44,910 14 if you qualify for multiple entry. 98 00:04:45,143 --> 00:04:49,939 Eww... is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, 99 00:04:49,955 --> 00:04:53,751 but I say give me multiple high fives. 100 00:04:53,955 --> 00:04:56,201 Wow, you really are desperate. 101 00:04:56,215 --> 00:04:57,391 I really am. 102 00:04:57,404 --> 00:05:01,319 Okay, you can stay here for two days. 103 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:05,341 But I only have one rule. You can't change anything. 104 00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:08,508 Why would I change anything? This place is... 105 00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:10,549 ...perfect. 106 00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:13,868 Except for the fact that you don't have a TV. 107 00:05:13,895 --> 00:05:15,921 See that wall? 108 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,559 300-inch flat-screen. 109 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,481 They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. 110 00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:29,291 Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong. 111 00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:30,751 It hurts my eyes. 112 00:05:30,766 --> 00:05:33,690 Yeah. That doesn't go away. 113 00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:37,098 - Hey. - Hey, where have you been? 114 00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:38,830 The Alanis Morissette concert. 115 00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:39,909 By yourself? 116 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,228 No, actually I went with a friend from law school. 117 00:05:42,244 --> 00:05:45,589 Oh, really? Who's this friend? 118 00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:47,369 Brad. 119 00:05:48,066 --> 00:05:51,659 - Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks! - Totally! 120 00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:53,389 I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight. 121 00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:55,190 Let me guess: You bought the tickets for you and Lily 122 00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:56,698 right before she dumped you. 123 00:05:56,715 --> 00:05:58,571 Yeah, how'd you know? 124 00:05:58,583 --> 00:06:00,360 I just got dumped myself. 125 00:06:00,374 --> 00:06:03,050 What, Kara broke up with you? 126 00:06:03,744 --> 00:06:06,138 I'm sorry, man. That sucks. 127 00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:11,041 Brad, do you like brunch? 128 00:06:11,053 --> 00:06:12,650 You invited him to brunch? 129 00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:15,079 Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why, is that weird? 130 00:06:15,095 --> 00:06:18,959 Yes. That's why I was all, "You invited him to brunch?" 131 00:06:18,974 --> 00:06:22,578 Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch? 132 00:06:22,593 --> 00:06:25,070 Because brunch is kind of... 133 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,508 Girly. 134 00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:28,999 Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. 135 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,498 Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly? 136 00:06:31,513 --> 00:06:32,459 I don't know. 137 00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:34,328 There's nothing girly about a horse. 138 00:06:34,346 --> 00:06:36,150 Nothing girly about a horn, 139 00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,850 but put them together and you get a unicorn. 140 00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:41,239 I don't care what either of you say, 141 00:06:41,256 --> 00:06:44,559 I am going to The Popover Pantry with Brad. 142 00:06:44,575 --> 00:06:46,350 We're here. We're hungry. 143 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:48,789 Get used to it, brunch. 144 00:06:54,129 --> 00:06:57,184 - Hmm... smells delicious. - Thank you. 145 00:06:57,188 --> 00:06:59,844 There was no food in the fridge, so I picked up... 146 00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:01,529 What are you doing? 147 00:07:01,544 --> 00:07:03,450 Lily, what was the first rule again? 148 00:07:03,463 --> 00:07:04,709 Don't change anything. 149 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,490 And what was the second rule? 150 00:07:06,505 --> 00:07:08,280 - There was no second rule. - Exactly! 151 00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:11,410 There was only one rule and you broke it. 152 00:07:11,425 --> 00:07:14,761 I bought groceries. That counts as changing something? 153 00:07:14,774 --> 00:07:16,970 Lily, if I wanted a fridge full of groceries, 154 00:07:16,984 --> 00:07:18,941 or fresh coffee in the morning, 155 00:07:18,953 --> 00:07:21,151 I'd be in a relationship. 156 00:07:21,955 --> 00:07:26,159 But I don't want to be in a relationship. 157 00:07:26,174 --> 00:07:29,288 That's why I make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door 158 00:07:29,303 --> 00:07:31,461 that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. 159 00:07:31,475 --> 00:07:34,081 This is not a place to leave a contact lens case. 160 00:07:34,093 --> 00:07:36,419 This is a place to leave. 161 00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:38,061 Come on, I'll give you a tour. 162 00:07:38,073 --> 00:07:40,041 Uh, no flash photography, please. 163 00:07:41,013 --> 00:07:43,331 Bienvenido to the bedroom. 164 00:07:43,343 --> 00:07:45,099 Dig this: king-sized bed, 165 00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:47,121 full-sized blanket, one pillow. 166 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,748 Everything about this bed says, "our work here is done." 167 00:07:50,815 --> 00:07:53,838 Next we say "bienvenue" to the bathroom. 168 00:07:53,854 --> 00:07:55,989 What, only one towel? 169 00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,600 What, no hairdryer? 170 00:07:57,613 --> 00:08:00,971 You know where I keep that stuff? Your place. Beat it. 171 00:08:01,103 --> 00:08:04,389 And the coup de grace... 172 00:08:07,746 --> 00:08:10,000 Yeah, that's right. 173 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,778 Patent-pending. 174 00:08:12,794 --> 00:08:15,601 And wilkommen to the hallway. 175 00:08:15,615 --> 00:08:17,808 While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn... 176 00:08:17,823 --> 00:08:19,329 Marshall doesn't have porn. 177 00:08:19,344 --> 00:08:21,128 Aww, that's sweet. 178 00:08:21,145 --> 00:08:23,438 While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn, 179 00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:26,738 I had mine... professionally lit. 180 00:08:27,796 --> 00:08:31,281 Girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough. 181 00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:32,551 And if that doesn't drive them away, 182 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:35,281 there's always your life-sized storm-trooper. 183 00:08:35,295 --> 00:08:37,490 No, that's just awesome. 184 00:08:37,506 --> 00:08:39,809 So you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, 185 00:08:39,824 --> 00:08:42,389 I never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. 186 00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:44,829 My apartment does it for me. 187 00:08:45,383 --> 00:08:47,551 God, I love brunch. 188 00:08:47,565 --> 00:08:49,100 Oh, damn... 189 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:51,400 the zucchini bread is "ridonculous." 190 00:08:52,334 --> 00:08:54,120 This isn't weird, right? 191 00:08:54,136 --> 00:08:55,518 I sort of thought it might be, 192 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,869 but it totally isn't. 193 00:08:56,884 --> 00:09:00,139 And B-T-dub, you totally did not oversell the eggs Benny. 194 00:09:00,154 --> 00:09:01,119 Right? Right? 195 00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:05,639 I mean, why can't two single bros go out and rock brunch Sunday morning-style? 196 00:09:05,654 --> 00:09:09,139 Exactly. Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying. 197 00:09:09,564 --> 00:09:11,389 This must be destiny. 198 00:09:11,404 --> 00:09:12,591 What are you talking about? 199 00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:15,060 I have two tickets for Mamma Mia Friday night. 200 00:09:15,074 --> 00:09:16,650 You like Abba, right? 201 00:09:16,664 --> 00:09:18,238 What am I saying? Who doesn't? 202 00:09:18,254 --> 00:09:22,038 Anyway, I was gonna take Kara, but now it's all you and me. 203 00:09:22,054 --> 00:09:24,568 We're gonna do Broadway, bro style. What do you say? 204 00:09:24,585 --> 00:09:26,139 Yeah! 205 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:36,980 Hey. Did the cold wake you? 206 00:09:36,995 --> 00:09:40,261 No, I've just been watching you sleep. 207 00:09:40,934 --> 00:09:44,230 Oh, did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel. 208 00:09:44,246 --> 00:09:48,240 I don't buy into the myth that we need to shower every day. 209 00:09:48,314 --> 00:09:50,091 O kay. 210 00:09:50,704 --> 00:09:53,718 I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to... 211 00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:55,038 I'm boycotting coffee. 212 00:09:55,054 --> 00:09:58,521 You may as well drink the tears of a Colombian peasant farmer. 213 00:09:58,536 --> 00:10:00,611 God, I love this place. 214 00:10:00,626 --> 00:10:02,181 Good thing I don't have a job 215 00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:05,188 because I could stay here all day. 216 00:10:06,134 --> 00:10:08,709 I think I left something on the bookshelf. 217 00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:12,399 Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look. 218 00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:15,278 Oh, I'm disgusting. 219 00:10:15,294 --> 00:10:17,860 Wow, you're open about your sexuality 220 00:10:17,874 --> 00:10:20,578 and that's one of the reasons I love you. 221 00:10:20,824 --> 00:10:22,818 Did I just say that? 222 00:10:22,835 --> 00:10:25,510 Oh, well, cat's out of the bag. 223 00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,309 I love you. 224 00:10:27,323 --> 00:10:31,510 Whoa, uh... Okay, beep, beep. Backing up, um... 225 00:10:31,525 --> 00:10:33,988 Hi, Barney. Oh... 226 00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:37,099 Oh, my God. Are you married? Is this your wife? 227 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,870 What? No. 228 00:10:38,886 --> 00:10:40,571 Yes! 229 00:10:40,585 --> 00:10:43,221 - Yes? - Yes. 230 00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:45,041 You son of a bitch! 231 00:10:45,055 --> 00:10:48,549 I can't believe I let you enter my sacred temple. 232 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:52,209 Come on, baby. Please, no. Oh, you don't understand. 233 00:10:52,225 --> 00:10:55,268 What have I done? This is the worst. How could you...? 234 00:10:56,084 --> 00:10:58,999 You're not going anywhere. 235 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:06,440 Wow, that was close. 236 00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,148 That hippie chick wouldn't leave. 237 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,791 She was ready to squat here. 238 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:13,628 Well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she? 239 00:11:13,643 --> 00:11:16,418 She was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... 240 00:11:16,433 --> 00:11:18,059 except you. 241 00:11:18,556 --> 00:11:20,881 You're better than porn. 242 00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:22,421 Thank you. 243 00:11:22,435 --> 00:11:25,281 How would you like to extend your stay here? 244 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,611 All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, 245 00:11:27,626 --> 00:11:29,531 and scare off the occasional one-night stand. 246 00:11:29,545 --> 00:11:31,908 I know, I know. You've got your ethics. You've got your principles... 247 00:11:31,944 --> 00:11:33,298 I'll do it. 248 00:11:33,316 --> 00:11:34,448 Really? 249 00:11:34,463 --> 00:11:38,248 Barney, you've clearly got some serious mother issues 250 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:42,618 that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. 251 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,751 But, in my other apartment, I would be living 252 00:11:44,766 --> 00:11:48,950 with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win. 253 00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:50,720 I'll take it. 254 00:11:51,363 --> 00:11:54,230 - Mamma Mia? - Mamma Mia. 255 00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:57,108 You know what? It's supposed to be a great musical, okay? 256 00:11:57,123 --> 00:11:59,100 It won all sorts of Tonys and stuff. 257 00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:02,711 No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date. 258 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:06,041 Ooh, third date. You know what that means. 259 00:12:06,706 --> 00:12:08,418 It is not a date, okay. 260 00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:11,390 It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show. 261 00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:13,450 You bros going to get dinner beforehand? 262 00:12:13,464 --> 00:12:15,149 We might grab a steak, yeah. 263 00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:16,948 Where at? 264 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:20,151 Cafe L'Amour. 265 00:12:20,504 --> 00:12:23,678 Brad says the food is really good there, okay. 266 00:12:23,694 --> 00:12:26,228 Sounds like Brad's got quite the night planned out. 267 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,648 You better bring your "A" game. 268 00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:30,291 That means no granny panties. 269 00:12:30,306 --> 00:12:32,361 All right, you know what? You two are just threatened 270 00:12:32,395 --> 00:12:35,090 because I'm a single guy moving in on your couples' turf. 271 00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:37,889 Well, guess what? It's my territory now. 272 00:12:37,904 --> 00:12:41,331 I'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. 273 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,891 That's right; Brad and I are taking back Broadway. 274 00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:46,149 What are you going to wear? 275 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,361 I was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... 276 00:12:48,395 --> 00:12:50,051 Oh, you know what? Shut up. 277 00:12:51,526 --> 00:12:54,039 Can you pass the Arts and Leisure? 278 00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:02,260 Can you pass the Arts and Leisure? 279 00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:03,970 I just did. 280 00:13:03,986 --> 00:13:05,791 Honey, I'm... 281 00:13:05,825 --> 00:13:09,658 Barney, what the hell is going on here? 282 00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:10,928 Lily, I can explain... 283 00:13:10,943 --> 00:13:13,861 How could you? In our own home? 284 00:13:13,873 --> 00:13:15,559 You bastard! 285 00:13:15,575 --> 00:13:18,368 - I'm so sorry. I didn't know he had... - Just get out. 286 00:13:18,385 --> 00:13:21,849 This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years 287 00:13:21,863 --> 00:13:23,998 to put you through medical school? 288 00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:26,261 I got breast implants for you. 289 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:30,418 I... I was just about to turn on the tears. 290 00:13:30,846 --> 00:13:32,928 Brava. 291 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,161 That was incredible. 292 00:13:35,183 --> 00:13:38,429 And that slap was genius. You did not hold back. 293 00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:41,078 Yeah, that I just always wanted to do. 294 00:13:41,093 --> 00:13:42,558 Fair enough. 295 00:13:42,944 --> 00:13:44,200 I have to say, 296 00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:46,728 it's kind of nice having food around here for a change. 297 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:48,028 You know... 298 00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:49,900 nah, never mind. 299 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:50,979 What? 300 00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:53,329 You're my wife. You can tell me anything. 301 00:13:53,403 --> 00:13:56,138 Well, if you really wanted to sell this ruse, 302 00:13:56,153 --> 00:13:59,258 we should try to make this place a little more... 303 00:13:59,274 --> 00:14:00,498 you know, homey. 304 00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:03,091 Like-like a woman would actually live here. 305 00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:05,180 What did you have in mind? 306 00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:17,211 # Bones, bones, brittle little bones # 307 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,408 # It's not the milk you seek # 308 00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:22,188 # It's the sun you need # 309 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:27,208 # Sugar dumpling, muffin baby # 310 00:14:27,225 --> 00:14:31,658 # This world is going crazy # 311 00:14:31,674 --> 00:14:33,448 # Do do do do # 312 00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:35,781 # Do do do do # 313 00:14:35,795 --> 00:14:39,070 # Do do do do do # 314 00:14:40,843 --> 00:14:42,301 Hey, you're home. 315 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,401 I didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning. 316 00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:47,638 Ha, ha, ha, ha. It wasn't a date. 317 00:14:48,874 --> 00:14:52,069 Okay, it was a date and it got way weird. 318 00:14:55,456 --> 00:14:57,228 Oh, you really don't have to do that. 319 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,928 No, I insist. You're my guest. 320 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,611 Thanks, Brad. 321 00:15:02,373 --> 00:15:04,098 Bro, 322 00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:06,621 you got some chocolate on your chin. 323 00:15:08,883 --> 00:15:10,229 Still there. 324 00:15:10,246 --> 00:15:12,098 I'll get that bad boy. 325 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,970 Whoa. 326 00:15:16,985 --> 00:15:18,510 Well, it could have been worse. 327 00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,790 It could have fallen in your lap. 328 00:15:22,724 --> 00:15:24,378 It gets worse. 329 00:15:24,393 --> 00:15:27,580 No, I-I can do it, Brad. Okay, thank you. 330 00:15:28,573 --> 00:15:31,079 So anyway, ah, it's this Saturday. 331 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,770 Do you want to come? 332 00:15:33,524 --> 00:15:36,401 You want me to go to a wedding with you? 333 00:15:36,955 --> 00:15:39,290 Okay, that's not too bad. 334 00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:42,100 Two single guys on the prowl. It'll be like Wedding Crashers. 335 00:15:42,114 --> 00:15:45,140 Just keep Brad away from the bouquet. 336 00:15:46,644 --> 00:15:48,579 It gets worse. 337 00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:49,980 It gets better. 338 00:15:49,994 --> 00:15:53,351 The foliage in Vermont this time of year is ridonc. 339 00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:54,328 Vermont? 340 00:15:54,346 --> 00:15:57,098 Yeah, the wedding's at this awesome B&B. 341 00:15:57,113 --> 00:15:59,270 Kara and I used to go there. 342 00:15:59,286 --> 00:16:02,248 Anyway, there is one room left, and we got it. 343 00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,528 Walt Whitman Suite, bro. 344 00:16:08,716 --> 00:16:10,480 You said no, right? 345 00:16:10,494 --> 00:16:11,881 Of course. 346 00:16:11,896 --> 00:16:13,268 I understand. 347 00:16:13,283 --> 00:16:14,540 It's cool. 348 00:16:14,553 --> 00:16:17,069 It's the first time I was going to see my college friends 349 00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:19,179 since Kara left me. 350 00:16:19,193 --> 00:16:20,831 I just... 351 00:16:22,576 --> 00:16:24,871 I just miss her so much. 352 00:16:28,593 --> 00:16:30,759 I'll go to Vermont with you. 353 00:16:31,525 --> 00:16:33,419 That's great! 354 00:16:33,723 --> 00:16:35,629 You know, uh, they're registered at Pottery Barn. 355 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:38,780 I figure we could go halfsies on a gravy boat. 356 00:16:42,506 --> 00:16:45,710 I'm sorry. It's not funny anymore. 357 00:16:45,725 --> 00:16:47,769 Damn you, brunch! 358 00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:50,208 This guy's crazy, right? 359 00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:52,349 Look, I don't think he's crazy. 360 00:16:52,365 --> 00:16:55,860 I just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. 361 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,590 And unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch. 362 00:16:58,604 --> 00:17:02,641 And now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do: 363 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:03,730 break up. 364 00:17:03,746 --> 00:17:05,100 You're right. You're right. I promised Brad 365 00:17:05,134 --> 00:17:07,591 I would go to the wedding with him, and then that is it. 366 00:17:07,605 --> 00:17:09,109 Good man. 367 00:17:09,776 --> 00:17:12,339 Oh, I think we made the right decision 368 00:17:12,355 --> 00:17:14,639 going for the custom-made Italian sheets. 369 00:17:14,655 --> 00:17:18,248 Hey, if my bed's going suit up, it's going to do it right. 370 00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:20,311 Want to give it a whirl? 371 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,938 All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. 372 00:17:26,953 --> 00:17:28,418 What are you going to do tonight? 373 00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:32,370 Oh, I was just going to watch Letterman but, God this bed is so comfy. 374 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,869 I wish you had a TV in here. 375 00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:42,481 Okay, seriously, what do you do for a living? 376 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,041 Please. 377 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,450 I thought you were going out. 378 00:17:48,465 --> 00:17:49,560 Eh. 379 00:17:49,573 --> 00:17:51,561 After the monologue. 380 00:17:52,126 --> 00:17:54,900 The next morning, as the sun rose over Manhattan, 381 00:17:54,916 --> 00:17:56,999 your Uncle Marshall headed over to Brad's apartment 382 00:17:57,013 --> 00:17:59,071 to leave for the wedding in Vermont. 383 00:17:59,086 --> 00:18:00,800 But when he got there... 384 00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,098 No. 385 00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:04,211 No... 386 00:18:05,723 --> 00:18:07,129 No. 387 00:18:07,615 --> 00:18:09,469 No! 388 00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,619 No. 389 00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:17,208 Ted. 390 00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:20,089 Um, Brad got me flowers. 391 00:18:20,106 --> 00:18:21,480 Hold on. 392 00:18:21,543 --> 00:18:23,649 Brad got him flowers. 393 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:27,528 I'm sorry. It just got funny again. 394 00:18:30,736 --> 00:18:32,981 - Oh, hey... - No, Brad, uh, I don't want to hear it. 395 00:18:32,996 --> 00:18:36,060 I do like you. And calla lilies are my favorite flower. 396 00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:38,701 I don't know how you knew that. I guess you just get me, 397 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:41,531 but this is not cool, man. I can't believe that you would... 398 00:18:41,545 --> 00:18:44,671 - Hey, sweetie. - Hey. 399 00:18:48,654 --> 00:18:51,591 - Hey, Marshall. - Hi, Kara. 400 00:18:51,603 --> 00:18:53,991 So you guys, are like, back together now? 401 00:18:54,004 --> 00:18:56,671 Yeah. Happened last night. 402 00:18:58,365 --> 00:19:00,509 Uh, I'm sorry, bro. 403 00:19:00,523 --> 00:19:02,481 - I should have called you. - Yeah, you should have. 404 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,820 - Well, I didn't mean to hurt... - Don't, Brad. 405 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,060 Just don't. 406 00:19:09,166 --> 00:19:12,350 # There was something # # in the air that night # 407 00:19:12,363 --> 00:19:14,689 # The stars went bright # 408 00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:17,298 Oh, what was with him? 409 00:19:17,315 --> 00:19:19,161 I don't know. 410 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:21,790 I think he's in love with me. 411 00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:25,250 # Fernando # 412 00:19:33,786 --> 00:19:36,880 I can't believe we just... you and I... 413 00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:38,399 - what have we done? - Nothing. 414 00:19:38,414 --> 00:19:41,858 Nothing happened. We-we just went to sleep. 415 00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:44,618 Just went to sleep? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman 416 00:19:44,633 --> 00:19:46,828 and not make a move. 417 00:19:46,846 --> 00:19:49,460 How could... You. 418 00:19:49,475 --> 00:19:52,460 You spooned me against my will. 419 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:54,800 Hey, it takes two to cuddle. 420 00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:56,250 We... 421 00:19:57,523 --> 00:19:58,761 We... 422 00:19:58,776 --> 00:20:01,519 We redecorated my place. 423 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:05,838 We stayed in on a Friday night to watch Letterman, 424 00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:08,081 and then slept together and didn't have sex? 425 00:20:08,095 --> 00:20:11,638 Oh, my God, we're in a relationship. 426 00:20:11,923 --> 00:20:14,919 That's what you think a relationship is? 427 00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:16,381 You were supposed to be the vaccine, 428 00:20:16,395 --> 00:20:19,789 but you gave me the disease. You gotta go. 429 00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,049 Barney. 430 00:20:22,643 --> 00:20:26,441 I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. 431 00:20:26,454 --> 00:20:29,840 You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, 432 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:33,341 and-and it actually felt okay. 433 00:20:33,986 --> 00:20:36,631 And that terrifies you. 434 00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:39,111 Uh-huh. You gotta go. 435 00:20:39,134 --> 00:20:42,680 Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, 436 00:20:42,694 --> 00:20:45,920 and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living. 437 00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:48,778 A certain standard of living? You didn't pay a single... 438 00:20:48,795 --> 00:20:51,851 And so Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, after two weeks of marriage, 439 00:20:51,864 --> 00:20:53,601 decided to call it quits. 440 00:20:53,614 --> 00:20:55,769 Fortunately, they reached a settlement. 441 00:20:55,784 --> 00:21:00,358 And that's the story of how Aunt Lily furnished her apartment. 442 00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:07,012 Marshall ran into Brad again some time later. 443 00:21:07,027 --> 00:21:08,733 Oh, my God, it's Brad. 444 00:21:08,748 --> 00:21:10,701 Laugh like I said something really funny. 445 00:21:10,717 --> 00:21:12,541 Right, right. 446 00:21:12,557 --> 00:21:13,390 Hey, Marshall. 447 00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:14,983 Oh, hey, hey, how's it going? 448 00:21:14,996 --> 00:21:16,422 It's good. 449 00:21:16,435 --> 00:21:19,133 - Hey, I'm, uh... - Yeah, I know who you are. 450 00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:22,002 Well, I got to go. I got this thing. 451 00:21:22,016 --> 00:21:23,972 Yeah, me too, but more important. 452 00:21:23,986 --> 00:21:25,550 So, I guess I'll see you around. 453 00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:28,100 Sure. Sure. 454 00:21:31,696 --> 00:21:34,370 Even if you don't believe it, tell me he looks fat. 455 00:21:34,385 --> 00:21:35,671 Totally looks fat.