1 00:00:00,894 --> 00:00:03,507 Kids, when you reach your late 20s you might be surprised 2 00:00:03,517 --> 00:00:06,507 to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. 3 00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:08,084 Like with Aunt Lily. 4 00:00:08,094 --> 00:00:10,197 Even though she was back from San Francisco, 5 00:00:10,207 --> 00:00:12,264 she was still on a quest to find herself. 6 00:00:12,274 --> 00:00:15,415 It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. 7 00:00:15,425 --> 00:00:17,844 I want to get out there and change the world. 8 00:00:17,854 --> 00:00:20,407 I want to find my passion. 9 00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:22,081 And she did find it. 10 00:00:22,096 --> 00:00:23,840 I'm going to be a life coach. 11 00:00:23,853 --> 00:00:25,992 In fact, she found it again and again. 12 00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:28,652 I'm going to be a marine biologist. 13 00:00:29,208 --> 00:00:31,972 ...slam poet. ...beekeeper! 14 00:00:32,928 --> 00:00:34,801 Not a beekeeper. 15 00:00:35,416 --> 00:00:37,680 Her newest lifelong dream? 16 00:00:37,698 --> 00:00:39,813 Singing in a punk rock band. 17 00:00:39,826 --> 00:00:41,590 What is she doing for money through all this? 18 00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,931 Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau. 19 00:00:43,947 --> 00:00:45,533 Wait, you mean that Hawaiian place 20 00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,753 where they wear those embarrassing outfits? 21 00:00:48,137 --> 00:00:49,560 No. 22 00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,450 Here she comes. Here she comes. 23 00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:57,303 Welcome to Big Wave Luau. May I tiki your drink order? 24 00:00:57,317 --> 00:00:58,802 Aw, crap. 25 00:00:58,818 --> 00:01:00,131 I'm sorry. 26 00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:02,223 Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, 27 00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:04,941 thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. 28 00:01:08,117 --> 00:01:09,352 What do you want? 29 00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:11,302 Oh, I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet 30 00:01:11,335 --> 00:01:14,320 a customer at Big Wave Luau. 31 00:01:17,026 --> 00:01:19,791 Aloha, island visitors. 32 00:01:19,827 --> 00:01:23,390 The big wave brought you to our humble luau. 33 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:27,390 For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo. 34 00:01:28,777 --> 00:01:31,373 I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? 35 00:01:31,385 --> 00:01:32,793 No. 36 00:01:32,808 --> 00:01:34,830 My name is Anuhea. 37 00:01:34,847 --> 00:01:36,850 It means cool and fragrant, 38 00:01:36,866 --> 00:01:39,902 much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. 39 00:01:40,605 --> 00:01:42,272 Robin, nothing to add? 40 00:01:42,288 --> 00:01:45,092 No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her 41 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,620 for trying to follow her dreams. 42 00:01:46,637 --> 00:01:48,232 Thank you. 43 00:01:48,346 --> 00:01:50,762 Although, you might want to bring out the big Hawaiian drum 44 00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:53,301 because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. 45 00:01:53,316 --> 00:01:54,852 Birthday girl! 46 00:02:08,156 --> 00:02:11,080 I have never needed beer more than I do right now. 47 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,302 I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. 48 00:02:13,337 --> 00:02:15,692 I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time 49 00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:18,692 and you said, "Dude, my semester is gonna be this." 50 00:02:18,708 --> 00:02:19,953 Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, 51 00:02:19,988 --> 00:02:22,753 but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. 52 00:02:22,766 --> 00:02:24,663 She had like a bad divorce this summer 53 00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:26,602 and now she's taking it out on us. 54 00:02:26,618 --> 00:02:28,872 To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. 55 00:02:28,905 --> 00:02:30,023 Really? 56 00:02:30,038 --> 00:02:31,572 Laid, you say? 57 00:02:31,587 --> 00:02:34,463 You wouldn't be into her. She's, like, in her late 40s. 58 00:02:34,475 --> 00:02:35,833 She hot? 59 00:02:35,848 --> 00:02:37,703 Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. 60 00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:39,172 And she's looking for some action. 61 00:02:39,187 --> 00:02:42,521 Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. 62 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,301 - A what? - A cougar. 63 00:02:44,316 --> 00:02:46,871 An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, 64 00:02:46,887 --> 00:02:50,173 single and on the prowl for a younger man. 65 00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:53,413 What's a woman in her 60s or 70s-- a turtle? 66 00:02:53,687 --> 00:02:56,890 Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. 67 00:02:56,908 --> 00:03:00,833 - I didn't challenge you to have sex... - Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. 68 00:03:01,688 --> 00:03:03,901 So, I quit my job. 69 00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:05,603 I just couldn't take it anymore. 70 00:03:05,616 --> 00:03:09,293 Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei... 71 00:03:09,305 --> 00:03:10,853 Classic. 72 00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:14,160 Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office? 73 00:03:14,438 --> 00:03:15,632 Yeah. 74 00:03:15,646 --> 00:03:17,762 Somebody did just quit. 75 00:03:17,775 --> 00:03:20,263 So, where should we eat today? 76 00:03:21,887 --> 00:03:25,530 Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? 77 00:03:31,306 --> 00:03:33,880 Dude, that is cold-blooded. 78 00:03:33,895 --> 00:03:35,650 It was an honest mistake. 79 00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:38,643 Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, 80 00:03:38,657 --> 00:03:41,272 it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. 81 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,761 Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. 82 00:03:43,777 --> 00:03:46,461 It was an whole chicken. 83 00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,040 And did I mention she had 12 sides? 84 00:03:48,058 --> 00:03:51,262 Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted. 85 00:03:51,278 --> 00:03:53,750 So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? 86 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,260 What would I be doing? 87 00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:57,863 Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. 88 00:03:57,876 --> 00:04:00,780 You'll sit there. My station is right over here. 89 00:04:00,798 --> 00:04:02,462 And things are a little bit crazy right now 90 00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:04,563 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. 91 00:04:04,598 --> 00:04:06,772 - Oh, right, is that the... - Yeah. 92 00:04:06,786 --> 00:04:08,423 Here's the model. 93 00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:14,442 You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant penis. 94 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,513 I know. 95 00:04:15,525 --> 00:04:18,131 For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. 96 00:04:18,146 --> 00:04:19,632 How can he not see it? 97 00:04:19,645 --> 00:04:21,060 - I mean there's the... - I know. 98 00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:22,600 - And the way it... - I know. 99 00:04:22,617 --> 00:04:25,051 - And the two little... - I know. 100 00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:28,221 - Wow, it is just... - Spectacular? 101 00:04:28,238 --> 00:04:29,620 Why, thank you. 102 00:04:29,638 --> 00:04:32,141 Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. 103 00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:34,061 Lily's going to be our new office assistant. 104 00:04:34,077 --> 00:04:36,063 - Ah. - Nice to meet you. 105 00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:37,553 Isn't it? 106 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,463 Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. 107 00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:43,810 Tell me, do you want to be an architect? 108 00:04:43,895 --> 00:04:46,753 I, uh... I am an architect. 109 00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:47,991 Really? 110 00:04:48,008 --> 00:04:50,923 Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with Legos. 111 00:04:50,935 --> 00:04:53,180 Is he an architect? 112 00:04:53,277 --> 00:04:57,482 Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. 113 00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,691 Ted, you've got promise. 114 00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:02,162 But you have to study what I do more carefully. 115 00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:05,851 Now I want you to design some Styrofoam trees 116 00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:07,623 for the building model. 117 00:05:07,637 --> 00:05:09,713 - Think you can handle that? - Absolutely. 118 00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:13,702 Good. So you're going to design the... 119 00:05:13,718 --> 00:05:16,751 - Styrofoam trees. - Once again-- with feeling. 120 00:05:17,647 --> 00:05:20,813 - Styrofoam trees. - Styrofoam trees! 121 00:05:20,827 --> 00:05:22,903 - Styrofoam trees! - That's the spirit. 122 00:05:22,918 --> 00:05:24,550 Now, gather 'round. 123 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,881 This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. 124 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:35,681 And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right 125 00:05:35,695 --> 00:05:37,582 or you're fired, hmm? 126 00:05:41,778 --> 00:05:45,121 Man, that guy is a total, well... 127 00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:51,963 Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's Professor Lewis's office there. 128 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,261 Okay, let's take a look. 129 00:05:56,908 --> 00:06:00,790 Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. 130 00:06:01,016 --> 00:06:03,020 A prime specimen. 131 00:06:03,547 --> 00:06:07,872 See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. 132 00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:09,473 Start with the hair. 133 00:06:09,488 --> 00:06:11,811 The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles 134 00:06:11,825 --> 00:06:14,021 as a form of camouflage. 135 00:06:14,035 --> 00:06:16,911 The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar 136 00:06:16,928 --> 00:06:19,433 until he's already being dragged, helpless, 137 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,023 back to her lair. 138 00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:23,470 Now, the blouse. 139 00:06:23,485 --> 00:06:26,440 The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible 140 00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,792 to captivate her prey. 141 00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:31,000 If you're watching them bounce, 142 00:06:31,017 --> 00:06:33,280 she's about to pounce. 143 00:06:33,595 --> 00:06:35,333 See the claws? 144 00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:37,952 Long and sharp, 145 00:06:37,966 --> 00:06:40,382 to ward off rival females... 146 00:06:40,398 --> 00:06:42,842 or open alimony checks. 147 00:06:43,768 --> 00:06:47,282 Yeah, this one's a beaut. 148 00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:53,642 Okay, let the hunt begin. 149 00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,821 Wait, wait, wait. I'm not so sure I'm comfortable 150 00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:58,840 with you hunting my constitutional law professor. 151 00:06:58,858 --> 00:07:01,721 Who do you rather have grading your papers-- 152 00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:05,560 a savage, man-eating jungle cat, 153 00:07:05,577 --> 00:07:09,461 or a purring, satisfied kitty? 154 00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,470 Go, Barney. 155 00:07:13,486 --> 00:07:16,610 Go mount and stuff that cougar. 156 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:24,133 Scusi, I am Luigi, Italian exchange student. 157 00:07:24,148 --> 00:07:27,861 I was, uh, walking to class, 158 00:07:27,878 --> 00:07:30,781 but then I noticed you... 159 00:07:30,937 --> 00:07:33,083 bella principessa... 160 00:07:33,097 --> 00:07:35,500 Tell me what you want or get out. 161 00:07:35,677 --> 00:07:36,891 Direct. 162 00:07:36,908 --> 00:07:38,530 I like that. 163 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,143 The name's Barney. 164 00:07:40,156 --> 00:07:43,540 What I want... is you. 165 00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:48,002 Turn around. 166 00:07:50,026 --> 00:07:52,513 My place. Two hours. 167 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:54,842 Don't be tardy. 168 00:07:57,087 --> 00:08:00,163 I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. 169 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:03,533 And that building? Talk about overcompensating. 170 00:08:03,545 --> 00:08:04,960 He's not usually this bad. 171 00:08:04,978 --> 00:08:06,510 It's just that the partners have made it very clear 172 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:08,391 this project is make or break for us, 173 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,703 so lately he's been a little testy. 174 00:08:11,755 --> 00:08:14,111 You know what I mean-- crotchety. 175 00:08:15,097 --> 00:08:17,740 I'm just saying it's been hard on him. 176 00:08:17,756 --> 00:08:19,533 All right stop. 177 00:08:20,026 --> 00:08:22,380 - Did you show Lily your design? - No. 178 00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:23,970 - What design? - It's nothing. 179 00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,350 It's fantastic. 180 00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,761 Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. 181 00:08:27,776 --> 00:08:30,301 And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. 182 00:08:30,316 --> 00:08:33,050 At least, not healthy male genitalia. 183 00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:35,481 Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers. 184 00:08:35,496 --> 00:08:37,830 Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. 185 00:08:37,846 --> 00:08:40,380 He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. 186 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,742 This building is huge for the firm, 187 00:08:41,775 --> 00:08:44,070 so it's really important we don't blow it. 188 00:08:44,485 --> 00:08:46,453 All right, enough. 189 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:51,321 Oh, my God. Incredible. 190 00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:54,282 Hmm... C-minus. 191 00:08:55,385 --> 00:08:58,103 C-minus? What are you talking about? 192 00:08:58,115 --> 00:09:00,611 I just pulled an all-nighter! 193 00:09:00,786 --> 00:09:03,020 You didn't budget your time well, 194 00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:05,962 you glossed over some of the most important points, 195 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:09,271 and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. 196 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,320 Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees 197 00:09:14,338 --> 00:09:17,002 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 198 00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:20,691 Then he stared at me until I laughed. 199 00:09:20,707 --> 00:09:22,883 Okay, I'm done. 200 00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,192 Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. 201 00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:26,810 Great. Thanks. 202 00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:30,342 Well, finally. 203 00:09:30,357 --> 00:09:32,982 I wondered whether you were making the trees 204 00:09:32,996 --> 00:09:36,060 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 205 00:09:38,607 --> 00:09:40,502 Good one, sir. 206 00:09:40,678 --> 00:09:42,713 Anyway, here they are. 207 00:09:45,016 --> 00:09:47,490 - Too green. - Too green? 208 00:09:47,508 --> 00:09:50,472 Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. 209 00:09:50,487 --> 00:09:51,831 Almost brunette. 210 00:09:51,846 --> 00:09:56,043 And think bushier. I want this tower to rise 211 00:09:56,055 --> 00:10:00,193 from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. 212 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,242 Can you picture it, Ted? 213 00:10:02,257 --> 00:10:04,540 I can't un-picture it. 214 00:10:04,556 --> 00:10:06,293 Good. 215 00:10:07,257 --> 00:10:09,131 Oh, my God. 216 00:10:09,145 --> 00:10:10,230 It's gone! 217 00:10:10,248 --> 00:10:11,921 What? What's gone? 218 00:10:11,935 --> 00:10:15,733 My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 219 00:10:15,768 --> 00:10:18,323 Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. 220 00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:19,612 What do you think, Ted, 221 00:10:19,628 --> 00:10:23,383 it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? 222 00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:25,371 Somebody stole it. 223 00:10:25,387 --> 00:10:28,493 Well, um, I better get back to these Styrofoam trees. 224 00:10:28,505 --> 00:10:30,573 Oh, who cares about the trees? 225 00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:34,091 It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing. 226 00:10:34,178 --> 00:10:36,412 Inspiring as always, sir. 227 00:10:37,785 --> 00:10:39,292 Lily? 228 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,892 Where's she put those paints? 229 00:10:58,455 --> 00:10:59,651 Hey. 230 00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:03,350 Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. 231 00:11:03,366 --> 00:11:05,333 Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball 232 00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:08,230 signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer? 233 00:11:08,246 --> 00:11:10,153 That's easy. I took it. 234 00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,150 Why? 235 00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:12,873 It's simple. 236 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:16,471 I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. 237 00:11:16,487 --> 00:11:20,781 I guess you were sick the day they taught that at Sandwich University. 238 00:11:24,496 --> 00:11:28,483 Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. 239 00:11:28,496 --> 00:11:31,443 I didn't get you a birthday present. 240 00:11:37,786 --> 00:11:40,363 What? You gonna cry? 241 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,052 Little crybaby's going to cry? 242 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,573 Hey, everybody, look! 243 00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:47,892 The little crybaby's gonna cry! 244 00:11:50,036 --> 00:11:52,533 I lost my ice cream! 245 00:11:53,215 --> 00:11:56,053 Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, 246 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,852 but the point is, he was mean. 247 00:11:58,868 --> 00:12:01,191 And that's why I took away his ball. 248 00:12:01,336 --> 00:12:03,501 What does his ball have to do with anything? 249 00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:06,460 Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. 250 00:12:06,478 --> 00:12:09,370 When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, 251 00:12:09,385 --> 00:12:11,420 I would take away one of his toys. 252 00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,323 The kid would be upset at first, 253 00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:16,020 but then he'd learn to stop being mean. 254 00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,641 Hey, guys. What's going on? 255 00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:20,662 Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 256 00:12:20,678 --> 00:12:22,390 Why? Was he being mean? 257 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,963 - You know about this? - Yeah. 258 00:12:23,978 --> 00:12:26,271 It's her own personal form of justice. 259 00:12:26,286 --> 00:12:28,050 Did you tell him about that time at the Gap? 260 00:12:28,066 --> 00:12:29,272 Oh, that was a good one. 261 00:12:29,285 --> 00:12:31,231 This sales guy was rude to Robin, 262 00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:32,802 so I took a pair of khakis. 263 00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:34,820 I gave them to you for your birthday. 264 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,013 So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? 265 00:12:37,025 --> 00:12:39,792 I prefer to call them "justice khakis." 266 00:12:39,806 --> 00:12:42,512 That's not justice. It's shoplifting, and it's a crime. 267 00:12:42,527 --> 00:12:44,353 So is being mean. 268 00:12:44,366 --> 00:12:46,523 Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. 269 00:12:46,538 --> 00:12:48,711 In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. 270 00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:50,911 Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. 271 00:12:50,925 --> 00:12:52,741 Well, that's why I left a note. 272 00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:54,243 - A note? - Yeah. 273 00:12:54,258 --> 00:12:57,131 When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, 274 00:12:57,145 --> 00:12:58,680 he'll stop being mean, 275 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,223 and the office will be a nicer place to work. 276 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,171 Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. 277 00:13:04,188 --> 00:13:06,261 Look, Lil, we're all tolerating 278 00:13:06,278 --> 00:13:09,060 this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, 279 00:13:09,076 --> 00:13:12,160 with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, 280 00:13:12,176 --> 00:13:14,610 but this is my career you're messing with. 281 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,930 I'm not sure I like your tone. 282 00:13:16,947 --> 00:13:18,513 You know what? 283 00:13:18,538 --> 00:13:20,672 Now you just lost the ball. 284 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,292 Hey. 285 00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:28,443 I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. 286 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,391 Nobody got higher than a C-minus. 287 00:13:30,405 --> 00:13:32,212 I know, I know. 288 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,732 You claim to have so much sex. 289 00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:35,882 I only assumed you'd be good at it. 290 00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:38,232 Look, I miscalculated. 291 00:13:38,246 --> 00:13:42,002 I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. 292 00:13:42,015 --> 00:13:44,192 But kitty's got claws. 293 00:13:44,378 --> 00:13:45,951 Don't worry though. 294 00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:47,320 Tonight, I'm seeing her again. 295 00:13:47,338 --> 00:13:49,633 Just let it go, man. You're making things worse. 296 00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:53,191 I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, 297 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,911 and I its master. 298 00:13:56,088 --> 00:13:59,403 I think I'm falling in love with you. 299 00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:03,153 Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? 300 00:14:04,026 --> 00:14:06,763 Although that would explain a lot. 301 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:10,233 What? No. We had sex yesterday. 302 00:14:10,246 --> 00:14:12,981 Oh, right. That. 303 00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:16,360 Well, you had sex yesterday. 304 00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:19,271 I revised my syllabus for the spring semester. 305 00:14:22,707 --> 00:14:24,241 When Druthers goes to get his bagel, 306 00:14:24,258 --> 00:14:26,673 I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. 307 00:14:26,688 --> 00:14:28,301 If something goes wrong, 308 00:14:28,318 --> 00:14:30,821 yell out, "Who wants espresso?" 309 00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:32,880 so I'll know he's coming. Got it? 310 00:14:32,898 --> 00:14:34,290 Okay, now give me the ball. 311 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,420 - No. - What do you mean, no? 312 00:14:36,437 --> 00:14:38,842 I mean I stand by what I did, Ted. 313 00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:41,073 Come on, Lily. We're running out of time. 314 00:14:41,085 --> 00:14:44,010 Everybody get in here now! 315 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,741 Who wants espresso? 316 00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:54,003 Now, as most of you know, 317 00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:57,740 my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. 318 00:14:57,757 --> 00:14:59,293 Well, I just found this note. 319 00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:03,933 "Dear Mr. Druthers, I, your baseball, am leaving. 320 00:15:03,948 --> 00:15:06,250 Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. 321 00:15:06,265 --> 00:15:09,520 If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. 322 00:15:09,537 --> 00:15:12,403 In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, 323 00:15:12,416 --> 00:15:15,792 and he may shuffle off at any minute." 324 00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:20,122 Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, 325 00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:23,740 but maybe that's the wrong reaction here. 326 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,120 Interesting. 327 00:15:25,138 --> 00:15:28,860 Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day 328 00:15:28,878 --> 00:15:31,362 to decide he's homesick, 329 00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:34,601 or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. 330 00:15:34,615 --> 00:15:38,572 And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, 331 00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:41,693 then you are gambling more than Pete Rose-- 332 00:15:41,705 --> 00:15:43,592 major league baseball's all-time hit leader, 333 00:15:43,605 --> 00:15:46,172 a man whose absence from the Hall of Fame is a travesty 334 00:15:46,185 --> 00:15:50,932 to the entire sports world-- ever "allegedly" did! 335 00:15:52,627 --> 00:15:55,592 Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod. 336 00:15:57,337 --> 00:16:00,310 Give him his ball back right now. 337 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,762 People are going to get fired. 338 00:16:01,775 --> 00:16:04,712 No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. 339 00:16:04,725 --> 00:16:06,891 I saw this in kindergarten all the time. 340 00:16:06,905 --> 00:16:08,381 This isn't kindergarten. 341 00:16:08,395 --> 00:16:11,782 Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back. 342 00:16:11,797 --> 00:16:15,070 All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. 343 00:16:15,086 --> 00:16:17,251 No. You'll give it back or you're fired. 344 00:16:17,265 --> 00:16:18,793 I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that. 345 00:16:18,806 --> 00:16:21,011 Then you're fired. 346 00:16:21,526 --> 00:16:23,450 Fine. 347 00:16:24,787 --> 00:16:26,613 Here's the ball. 348 00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,650 At least you have one now. 349 00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:35,063 Dude, you're killing me. 350 00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:38,721 You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier. 351 00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:42,382 Do you not see the PowerBar in my hand? 352 00:16:42,395 --> 00:16:44,273 I'm fueling up. 353 00:16:44,287 --> 00:16:46,243 So you're going back over there? 354 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,371 Oh, yeah. 355 00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:50,123 And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, 356 00:16:50,138 --> 00:16:53,861 I am going to get rid of the "Cougar" once and for all. 357 00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:55,611 Get it? 358 00:16:55,628 --> 00:16:58,060 'Cause that's what he did with his name. 359 00:17:08,848 --> 00:17:10,661 I can't stop thinking about you. 360 00:17:10,677 --> 00:17:12,633 Please give me another chance. 361 00:17:12,646 --> 00:17:14,061 Barney, I teach all day. 362 00:17:14,078 --> 00:17:16,740 It's the last thing I want to do when I get home. 363 00:17:17,288 --> 00:17:19,912 But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, 364 00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:23,112 holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. 365 00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:25,360 But, this time, no mercy. I don't care how long it takes-- 366 00:17:25,397 --> 00:17:29,460 days, weeks, half a year. 367 00:17:30,476 --> 00:17:32,621 Fine. Come in. 368 00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:35,690 You can start while I finish grading some papers. 369 00:17:37,826 --> 00:17:40,610 Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. 370 00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:43,182 Now, slide it closer to his chair. 371 00:17:43,198 --> 00:17:46,792 I want this thing to really smack him in the face. 372 00:17:47,328 --> 00:17:50,280 Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily. 373 00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:52,593 Oh. Well, I pity her. 374 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:56,480 I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... 375 00:17:56,496 --> 00:18:00,451 You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. 376 00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:03,061 You might say that, Ted. 377 00:18:05,748 --> 00:18:07,662 Lily was mentally deranged. 378 00:18:07,678 --> 00:18:11,930 You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear. 379 00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:15,123 Lily was mentally deranged! 380 00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:19,483 Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted? 381 00:18:20,287 --> 00:18:21,732 The clients are here. 382 00:18:21,746 --> 00:18:23,440 Excellent. Bring them in. 383 00:18:23,456 --> 00:18:27,820 Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. 384 00:18:27,837 --> 00:18:30,173 They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured 385 00:18:30,187 --> 00:18:33,120 the distinct flavor and history of the Northwest. 386 00:18:33,136 --> 00:18:35,950 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 387 00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:39,681 the Spokane National Bank Building. 388 00:18:42,236 --> 00:18:44,673 That's a penis! 389 00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:48,882 That's... that's ridiculous. 390 00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:51,902 There's no way this majestic tower can be confused 391 00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:54,643 with the male organ of love. 392 00:18:54,656 --> 00:18:56,851 We're not building a penis. 393 00:18:57,016 --> 00:18:59,501 You got any other ideas? 394 00:18:59,986 --> 00:19:02,143 Other ideas? 395 00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,291 You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. 396 00:19:04,308 --> 00:19:07,001 This is Hammond Druthers. 397 00:19:07,017 --> 00:19:09,913 Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, 398 00:19:09,928 --> 00:19:12,262 but I'm not building it. 399 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,443 We're done here. 400 00:19:14,756 --> 00:19:17,682 The trajectory of my entire career might have been different 401 00:19:17,696 --> 00:19:21,662 had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day. 402 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,230 Wait! 403 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,473 We have one more idea for you. 404 00:19:26,488 --> 00:19:28,350 Ted, what are you doing? 405 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,812 I have another design. 406 00:19:29,826 --> 00:19:32,123 Sit down, shut up right now. 407 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,493 No. 408 00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:37,463 # Thank you for the invitation # 409 00:19:37,478 --> 00:19:40,173 # She showed me very nice... # 410 00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:43,013 To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building 411 00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:45,890 over 70 stories probably! 412 00:19:45,905 --> 00:19:48,352 Probably! 413 00:19:49,026 --> 00:19:50,643 Congrats, Ted. 414 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,283 Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers 415 00:19:53,295 --> 00:19:54,862 and pitch my idea. 416 00:19:54,877 --> 00:19:57,590 Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. 417 00:19:57,605 --> 00:19:59,912 Oh. You know what, Ted? 418 00:19:59,926 --> 00:20:01,413 That was very nice. 419 00:20:01,427 --> 00:20:04,270 You have earned these screws back. 420 00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:07,662 Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. 421 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,483 Hey, I'm project manager now, 422 00:20:10,498 --> 00:20:12,700 so, if you want your old job back... 423 00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:14,231 No, thanks. 424 00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:18,042 I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. 425 00:20:19,988 --> 00:20:24,251 Casey, that's not how we treat people. 426 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,582 You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. 427 00:20:39,046 --> 00:20:41,852 - Barney! Oh, my God! - What happened? 428 00:20:42,698 --> 00:20:44,972 He broke his hip. 429 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:49,671 That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. 430 00:20:49,685 --> 00:20:50,862 Seriously, I'm fine. 431 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,041 No, he's not fine. 432 00:20:53,055 --> 00:20:54,852 Professor Lewis, hi. 433 00:20:54,868 --> 00:20:58,252 Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. 434 00:20:58,268 --> 00:21:01,453 I was pleasantly surprised. 435 00:21:01,465 --> 00:21:03,561 Yeah, she was. 436 00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:05,583 B-plus. 437 00:21:05,968 --> 00:21:08,033 B-plus?! 438 00:21:08,045 --> 00:21:11,691 Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, 439 00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:14,221 I am going to get you that "A"! 440 00:21:14,468 --> 00:21:16,093 Let her go. 441 00:21:16,106 --> 00:21:19,753 She belongs out there in the wild. 442 00:21:19,766 --> 00:21:21,620 You should feel proud. 443 00:21:21,638 --> 00:21:25,043 You fought the cougar and lived. 444 00:21:25,087 --> 00:21:27,803 It was an amazing safari. 445 00:21:27,818 --> 00:21:31,192 I can't wait to show you guys the slides. 446 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:35,240 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net