1
00:00:09,356 --> 00:00:11,508
- So, I guess that decides it.
- Yup.

2
00:00:11,518 --> 00:00:12,954
Hanging out at a coffee place

3
00:00:12,964 --> 00:00:15,697
is not nearly as much fun
as hanging out at a bar.

4
00:00:17,664 --> 00:00:19,122
Man, what's that?

5
00:00:19,441 --> 00:00:20,632
What?

6
00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:24,510
That cute coffee girl
wrote a heart by your name.

7
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,075
Somebody has a crush on you.

8
00:00:27,085 --> 00:00:30,054
Somebody thinks you're me.

9
00:00:30,675 --> 00:00:32,701
Do you really
think she likes me?

10
00:00:32,836 --> 00:00:34,590
I mean, I guess
it's not that surprising.

11
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,323
Every time I come in here,
I totally crack her up.

12
00:00:37,339 --> 00:00:39,340
Marshall, here's
your pumpkin latte.

13
00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:43,513
Wow. How did you fit a
pumpkin in this little cup?

14
00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:46,810
I'll have a pumpkin latte.

15
00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:49,273
How do they even fit a
pumpkin in those little cups?

16
00:00:49,285 --> 00:00:51,242
What? You got a shrink
ray back there?

17
00:00:52,075 --> 00:00:53,061
Yeah.

18
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:56,111
Hey, remember that
time I said that thing

19
00:00:56,126 --> 00:00:58,980
about how do they fit a
pumpkin into that little cup?

20
00:00:58,998 --> 00:01:00,781
- Which time?
- The first time.

21
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,742
Yeah. That was really funny.

22
00:01:03,895 --> 00:01:04,840
Right.

23
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,782
All right, there's only two
reasons she'd laugh at that.

24
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,220
One, it's the first
joke she's ever heard,

25
00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:12,161
or two, she likes you.
You should totally ask her out.

26
00:01:12,176 --> 00:01:12,771
You think?

27
00:01:12,786 --> 00:01:14,282
Yeah, that why you're not
back with Lily, right?

28
00:01:14,316 --> 00:01:16,761
So you can experience what
it's like to be single.

29
00:01:17,616 --> 00:01:19,243
Well, what if the heart
doesn't mean anything?

30
00:01:19,276 --> 00:01:21,253
What if she writes
it on all the cups?

31
00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:23,310
Mine says "Ted," no heart.

32
00:01:23,326 --> 00:01:26,343
Mine says... "Swarley."

33
00:01:27,206 --> 00:01:29,343
How'd they get
"Swarley" from "Barney"?

34
00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:30,442
It's not even a name.

35
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,551
Who would ever be
called "Swarley"?

36
00:01:34,557 --> 00:01:37,493
Oh, please don't start
calling me "Swarley."

37
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,912
This would never
happen at a bar!

38
00:01:43,807 --> 00:01:45,981
Man! What's up with Swarley?

39
00:01:45,995 --> 00:01:48,882
I know. You almost never see
old Swarlz get that upset.

40
00:02:05,506 --> 00:02:07,051
Hey, guess what?

41
00:02:07,065 --> 00:02:07,990
Oh, sorry.

42
00:02:08,005 --> 00:02:09,030
It's only my mom.

43
00:02:09,047 --> 00:02:11,181
She's just rambling
on like always.

44
00:02:11,676 --> 00:02:12,950
What happened?

45
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,333
Marshall asked out a girl.

46
00:02:14,348 --> 00:02:15,353
Wow.

47
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,353
Well, if anything,
that's Dad's fault.

48
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,331
That'll keep her going a while.

49
00:02:19,346 --> 00:02:21,792
Oh, of course, you know,
he had a little help.

50
00:02:21,806 --> 00:02:22,880
Swarley hooked him up?

51
00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:23,980
Oh, good. You got my text.

52
00:02:23,997 --> 00:02:25,660
- Yeah.
- Oh. No, it was me.

53
00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,590
I gave Marshall
one of my secrets.

54
00:02:28,345 --> 00:02:30,393
- So, what she say?
- Nothing.

55
00:02:31,227 --> 00:02:34,080
I don't think she heard me.
It's pretty busy up there.

56
00:02:34,097 --> 00:02:35,882
What? You gave her
the look right?

57
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:37,821
Head down, eyes looking up,

58
00:02:37,836 --> 00:02:39,961
hands in pockets, shoulders up,

59
00:02:39,977 --> 00:02:42,891
head slightly tilted,
conveying shy vulnerability.

60
00:02:43,537 --> 00:02:45,201
I think so.

61
00:02:51,168 --> 00:02:52,752
Look, can we just go?

62
00:02:53,237 --> 00:02:55,460
Pumpkin latte for Marshall.

63
00:02:56,627 --> 00:02:58,642
I didn't order that.

64
00:03:05,025 --> 00:03:07,360
Phone number.

65
00:03:08,298 --> 00:03:09,663
I love that look.

66
00:03:09,677 --> 00:03:12,381
I think I slept with you
because of that look.

67
00:03:12,398 --> 00:03:13,511
And it's fake?

68
00:03:13,525 --> 00:03:16,043
Oh, and you biting your lower lip,
shyly looking away

69
00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:18,583
and thrusting your
chest out is natural?

70
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,260
Yeah, I hear you.

71
00:03:21,396 --> 00:03:22,971
- Hey!
- Hey, guys.

72
00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:24,993
Are you free tomorrow night?

73
00:03:25,007 --> 00:03:27,083
I was thinking of having
a wine tasting slash

74
00:03:27,096 --> 00:03:29,543
"help me catch the rat
in my apartment" party.

75
00:03:29,558 --> 00:03:32,241
That's a great idea.
You can put out cheese for both.

76
00:03:33,288 --> 00:03:35,130
I should invite
Marshall, right?

77
00:03:35,147 --> 00:03:36,471
It'd be weird if I didn't.

78
00:03:36,485 --> 00:03:38,541
Yeah, I don't think he can go.

79
00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:40,151
Really? Why not?

80
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:42,493
Uh, okay, um...

81
00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:44,731
Lily, we have to
tell you something.

82
00:03:44,748 --> 00:03:46,612
Marshall has a date.

83
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:50,032
Oh. Well... good for him.

84
00:03:50,047 --> 00:03:51,393
Really? You're okay with it?

85
00:03:51,406 --> 00:03:53,341
Look, we've been broken
up almost six months.

86
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,582
I mean,
I'm not thrilled about the idea,

87
00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,743
but he has every right
to date someone else.

88
00:03:58,755 --> 00:04:00,703
That's very mature.

89
00:04:00,715 --> 00:04:02,372
Why are you holding the phone?

90
00:04:02,386 --> 00:04:04,093
Oh, shoot.

91
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,943
That's hilarious, Mom.

92
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,080
Didn't even notice.

93
00:04:11,616 --> 00:04:14,270
Hey, dude, by the way,
I really like that suit.

94
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,473
Tell me about the fabric.
Is it foreign or something?

95
00:04:16,486 --> 00:04:19,410
Wow. It is foreign.
I'm impressed, Ted.

96
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,871
- It's Moroccan, actually.
- Whoa.

97
00:04:20,887 --> 00:04:23,381
I got a call for Swarley.

98
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,532
Is there a Swarley here?

99
00:04:25,548 --> 00:04:27,593
You weren't interested in
my suit at all, were you?

100
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:29,762
- Hmm?
- Swarley!

101
00:04:31,095 --> 00:04:34,092
Yeah, I know he's there.
It's really important.

102
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:35,602
Could you ask again?

103
00:04:35,616 --> 00:04:37,693
Important call for Swarley!

104
00:04:37,706 --> 00:04:40,162
Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley?
There's a call for you.

105
00:04:40,176 --> 00:04:42,663
Stop calling me that.

106
00:04:42,675 --> 00:04:45,213
Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys
to officially meet Chloe.

107
00:04:45,225 --> 00:04:46,210
- Hi.
- Hi.

108
00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:47,110
Hi.

109
00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:48,642
It's nice to meet you guys.

110
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,963
- I'll be right back.
- It's right back there.

111
00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:57,632
Right? Right? She's hot!

112
00:04:57,646 --> 00:04:59,112
And she likes me?

113
00:04:59,127 --> 00:05:02,411
She likes Italian food.
I also like Italian food.

114
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:05,842
She likes Billy Joel.
I also like... music.

115
00:05:05,856 --> 00:05:08,800
And I think we're
going to go out again.

116
00:05:08,818 --> 00:05:11,382
- Dude, you gotta ditch her.
- Obviously.

117
00:05:11,848 --> 00:05:12,772
Why?

118
00:05:12,787 --> 00:05:14,081
She's got the crazy eyes.

119
00:05:14,095 --> 00:05:16,043
Dude. The eyes.

120
00:05:16,056 --> 00:05:17,740
They're crazy.

121
00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:19,750
What are you guys talking about,
the crazy eyes?

122
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:23,831
It's a well-documented condition
of the pupils, or pupi.

123
00:05:23,848 --> 00:05:25,110
No. Just pupils.

124
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,590
It's an indicator of
future mental instability.

125
00:05:28,607 --> 00:05:31,352
She does not have
the crazy eyes.

126
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,071
You just can't see it
because you're afflicted

127
00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:35,982
with "haven't been laid
in a while" blindness.

128
00:05:35,997 --> 00:05:37,851
She was too far away
in the coffee place,

129
00:05:37,865 --> 00:05:40,770
but when I saw her
up close just now...

130
00:05:40,787 --> 00:05:42,773
Hey, I'd like you guys to
officially meet Chloe.

131
00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:43,872
- Hi.
- Hi.

132
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:44,833
Hi.

133
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,610
It's nice to meet you guys.

134
00:05:52,015 --> 00:05:53,800
You guys,
I'm not going to stop dating Chloe

135
00:05:53,815 --> 00:05:56,293
just because you think
she has the crazy eyes.

136
00:05:56,308 --> 00:05:58,350
You can keep going out with her,
but you're gonna regret it.

137
00:05:58,388 --> 00:06:00,812
One time,
I met a girl at this very bar.

138
00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:03,903
I saw that she had
the crazy eyes...

139
00:06:05,807 --> 00:06:07,081
...but I ignored it.

140
00:06:07,098 --> 00:06:09,433
And then, sure enough.

141
00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:12,172
Barney, can I ask
you a question?

142
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:13,663
Anything.

143
00:06:14,018 --> 00:06:16,680
Would you like to
have a threesome?

144
00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:18,333
Of course.

145
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:21,100
Great. It'll be you,
me and Mr. Weasels.

146
00:06:23,347 --> 00:06:24,953
So, did you do it?

147
00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,462
No. It ended up
being just a twosome

148
00:06:27,476 --> 00:06:29,833
with the third one
watching from a chair.

149
00:06:30,268 --> 00:06:31,870
Which one were you?

150
00:06:32,698 --> 00:06:34,452
I'd rather not say.

151
00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:37,310
Look, there was a time I didn't
believe in the crazy eyes either,

152
00:06:37,348 --> 00:06:39,262
and then I met Jeanine.

153
00:06:39,325 --> 00:06:42,022
She had serious crazy eyes.

154
00:06:42,478 --> 00:06:45,910
I told myself I was
just imagining it, but then...

155
00:06:45,928 --> 00:06:47,693
So, should we go get a drink?

156
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,112
As long as it's in
your apartment.

157
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:52,432
Whoa, I'm sorry.

158
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:57,352
Watch! Where! You're! Going!

159
00:06:59,247 --> 00:07:01,441
So, where do you live?

160
00:07:02,275 --> 00:07:05,080
You guys, Chloe is not
gonna do any of that stuff.

161
00:07:05,097 --> 00:07:06,893
She's a nice girl
from Nebraska.

162
00:07:06,906 --> 00:07:08,102
She's not crazy.

163
00:07:08,117 --> 00:07:10,270
She's... she's awesome.

164
00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:12,493
But you can't avoid
the crazy eyes forever.

165
00:07:12,508 --> 00:07:15,430
Sooner or later, the crazy
comes bubbling to the surface.

166
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:16,233
Hello?

167
00:07:16,247 --> 00:07:17,870
Marshall, it's Chloe.

168
00:07:17,888 --> 00:07:20,482
Are you the one who's
called me like nine times?

169
00:07:20,498 --> 00:07:22,591
Yeah. Could you come get me?

170
00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:25,050
I'm in the middle
of taking a test.

171
00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:27,022
Please. I'm so scared.

172
00:07:27,265 --> 00:07:28,683
Well, what's going on?

173
00:07:28,696 --> 00:07:30,710
This weird midget guy
started following me

174
00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:31,900
and he was screaming at me

175
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,141
and he had a limp and
a big hump on his back

176
00:07:34,155 --> 00:07:35,550
and the police
didn't believe me

177
00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:38,402
and I almost got trampled
by a horse and...

178
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,292
God I must sound totally
crazy to you right now.

179
00:07:41,906 --> 00:07:44,260
No. Pfft.

180
00:07:44,275 --> 00:07:45,550
Not at all.

181
00:07:46,177 --> 00:07:47,903
So, she's needy crazy.

182
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:49,690
That's one of the worst kinds.

183
00:07:49,705 --> 00:07:51,010
I've had one of those.

184
00:07:51,028 --> 00:07:52,710
Makes up stories
to get attention.

185
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:55,913
Went out with her for three weeks--
her dad died twice.

186
00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:58,762
Guys, she was really
freaked out, okay?

187
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,331
Maybe the story is true.

188
00:08:00,345 --> 00:08:03,080
What in the world would make
you believe that's a true story?

189
00:08:03,098 --> 00:08:05,621
She's really hot.

190
00:08:05,695 --> 00:08:07,942
They always are.

191
00:08:09,215 --> 00:08:10,850
- You all done with that, Ted?
- Yeah.

192
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:13,561
Ned. I told you
to call him Ned.

193
00:08:13,716 --> 00:08:15,573
That's just sad.

194
00:08:15,586 --> 00:08:17,353
Sorry, Swarley.

195
00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:21,081
So, do just you
and Ted live here

196
00:08:21,097 --> 00:08:22,860
or does Swarley live here, too?

197
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,802
Nah. Swarley has his own place.

198
00:08:29,168 --> 00:08:30,193
What was that?

199
00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:31,921
Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys.

200
00:08:34,085 --> 00:08:35,810
So, here you go.

201
00:08:35,825 --> 00:08:38,260
Two pumpkin beers.

202
00:08:38,415 --> 00:08:41,131
I was joking.
They're regular beers.

203
00:08:43,986 --> 00:08:45,653
What is that?

204
00:08:52,557 --> 00:08:54,443
This picture is broken.

205
00:08:54,457 --> 00:08:57,352
Oh. That's too bad.

206
00:08:57,365 --> 00:08:59,172
Is that Lily?

207
00:08:59,187 --> 00:09:01,471
Is that the girl you
were going to marry?

208
00:09:01,485 --> 00:09:03,642
Yeah. Is that what
that sound was?

209
00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:05,881
Did you just smash this?

210
00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,181
No.

211
00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:09,473
Why would I do that?

212
00:09:10,485 --> 00:09:12,812
Let me look into your eyes.

213
00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:14,983
Okay.

214
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:20,553
I had a really
nice time tonight.

215
00:09:20,567 --> 00:09:22,840
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

216
00:09:23,176 --> 00:09:26,621
I like your eyes a lot, too.

217
00:09:28,627 --> 00:09:29,892
Stop!

218
00:09:33,457 --> 00:09:36,141
Hi. I'm Lily.

219
00:09:39,425 --> 00:09:41,372
Stop!

220
00:09:41,387 --> 00:09:43,470
Now, kids,
I know Lily hiding in the apartment

221
00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:46,773
while Marshall was on a date with
another girl seems pretty crazy,

222
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,133
but when you hear her
side of the story,

223
00:09:49,145 --> 00:09:51,200
well, it's still pretty crazy.

224
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,433
What's up Swarlz?

225
00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:55,651
No. Okay? No. No more.

226
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,720
I will not let this
become a thing. It's over.

227
00:09:57,735 --> 00:09:59,703
No more Swarley. No Swarlz.

228
00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:02,193
No more Swar-lay.

229
00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:05,172
No more Swar...
wait for it... ley.

230
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,760
No more Bob Swarley, mon.

231
00:10:07,778 --> 00:10:10,723
No more. No! It's over.

232
00:10:10,737 --> 00:10:12,313
Do you understand?

233
00:10:12,327 --> 00:10:13,153
- Yes.
- Yes.

234
00:10:13,168 --> 00:10:14,660
Thank you.

235
00:10:17,387 --> 00:10:18,251
Nice.

236
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:20,442
- Why didn't you call me?
- Was I supposed to call you?

237
00:10:20,456 --> 00:10:23,710
Yes, about the whole Marshall-
dating-another-girl thing.

238
00:10:23,728 --> 00:10:24,843
You said you were fine with it.

239
00:10:24,878 --> 00:10:27,873
Yeah, in front of Ted,
but then I shot you a look.

240
00:10:27,885 --> 00:10:30,221
- What look?
- This.

241
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:33,762
That doesn't seem like a look.

242
00:10:33,776 --> 00:10:36,352
Yes it is. It means,
"I'm upset call me later."

243
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:38,631
You should have pulled me aside
and told me what the look meant.

244
00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:40,513
If I pulled you aside,
I wouldn't need the look.

245
00:10:40,547 --> 00:10:41,771
Well, maybe if it was a
more distinctive look...

246
00:10:41,805 --> 00:10:43,643
Okay, the look isn't important.

247
00:10:43,657 --> 00:10:46,720
What's important is that
I can't stand the idea

248
00:10:46,736 --> 00:10:48,470
of Marshall dating
another woman.

249
00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:50,951
I mean, what if
he falls in love with her?

250
00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:52,740
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

251
00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:55,301
Ted says she has
the crazy eyes.

252
00:10:55,316 --> 00:10:56,031
What's that?

253
00:10:56,048 --> 00:10:58,422
Apparently, a thing women
have that guys can see

254
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:00,313
and it tells them that
the girl's crazy.

255
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,002
Oh, kind of like how you
never want to date a guy

256
00:11:03,018 --> 00:11:04,373
with perfect fingernails?

257
00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,253
Jerk nails. Exactly.

258
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:09,580
Well, did-did Ted say
whether she was good-looking?

259
00:11:09,598 --> 00:11:11,161
I mean,
'cause if I knew she was ugly,

260
00:11:11,175 --> 00:11:13,271
then maybe I wouldn't
be so freaked out.

261
00:11:13,286 --> 00:11:15,543
Uh, he didn't say,
but you can find out.

262
00:11:15,556 --> 00:11:19,063
I think her name is Chloe--
she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th.

263
00:11:19,076 --> 00:11:22,491
Phone call for Swarles Barkley?

264
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,051
Hey, Ted. No, he's not here.

265
00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:28,280
Good one, though--
remember that one.

266
00:11:33,898 --> 00:11:35,871
Is, um, Chloe here?

267
00:11:35,885 --> 00:11:38,103
She just left.
You can probably still catch her.

268
00:11:38,118 --> 00:11:40,893
She's easy to spot--
she's got a pink umbrella.

269
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,550
Oh, thanks, Brian.

270
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:44,201
My name is Scott.

271
00:11:44,215 --> 00:11:45,982
Your tag says Brian.

272
00:11:45,995 --> 00:11:47,480
I know. Funny story.

273
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:48,911
So, I wake up this
morning, and...

274
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,922
Yeah, see you later, Brian.

275
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:01,952
There she is.

276
00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:03,880
She doesn't look that great.

277
00:12:03,896 --> 00:12:06,270
She's not fat,
but that doesn't mean anything.

278
00:12:06,286 --> 00:12:08,782
I know tons of skinny,
ugly women.

279
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:11,431
That's right,
snotty girl in my yoga class,

280
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:13,690
I'm talking to you.

281
00:12:13,706 --> 00:12:17,302
Come on, Chloe, turn around.

282
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:20,093
Here we go. Turn around, Chloe.

283
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:23,830
Come on,
show me that hideous face.

284
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:25,722
Damn it!

285
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,193
Ooh, I know,
I'll get ahead of her,

286
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,620
then I'll cut back so I... Aah!

287
00:12:30,637 --> 00:12:33,331
Oh, my God, that hurts!

288
00:12:33,576 --> 00:12:36,483
Turn around! Come on!

289
00:12:36,498 --> 00:12:38,390
Just turn around!

290
00:12:38,406 --> 00:12:40,783
Okay, this is ridiculous.

291
00:12:40,795 --> 00:12:42,530
Hey!

292
00:12:45,106 --> 00:12:47,773
Turn around!
What's the matter with you?

293
00:12:47,785 --> 00:12:49,860
Hey, you!

294
00:12:51,357 --> 00:12:53,210
Turn around!

295
00:12:54,768 --> 00:12:57,410
Turn around, Chloe!

296
00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:05,760
She's hot? I'm so sorry.

297
00:13:05,777 --> 00:13:07,151
No, it's fine.

298
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:08,960
I-It just makes things easier.

299
00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:10,642
Now that I know she's a threat,

300
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,712
all I have to do is keep Marshall
from ever seeing her again.

301
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:16,010
Okay, I have two plans--
you can help me choose.

302
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,182
Plan A--

303
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:20,003
remember that time Marshall
and I had sex in the bathroom?

304
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:21,981
Oops, I got knocked up.

305
00:13:21,997 --> 00:13:24,121
- Lily.
- Okay, plan B

306
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,441
is called "Chloe's Accident."

307
00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:27,931
- Just stop.
- What?

308
00:13:27,945 --> 00:13:30,250
Lily, you can't do
any of those things.

309
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,022
If you two are ever
gonna get back together,

310
00:13:32,027 --> 00:13:34,881
you have to let him work
out whatever this is.

311
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,250
I know. You're right.

312
00:13:37,268 --> 00:13:39,452
Now, come on,
Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00.

313
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:41,483
Some surprise for Barney.

314
00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:43,480
- Barney?
- Uh, Swarley.

315
00:13:44,778 --> 00:13:47,113
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

316
00:13:47,128 --> 00:13:48,482
Where's Marshall?

317
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:49,873
Oh, he's getting a haircut.

318
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:52,080
Oh. For his date.

319
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,640
Good for him.

320
00:13:53,657 --> 00:13:55,523
Hope he has a good
time tonight.

321
00:13:55,538 --> 00:13:57,401
Relax, you've got
nothing to worry about.

322
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:58,853
The girl's crazy.

323
00:13:58,866 --> 00:14:00,401
Thanks!

324
00:14:00,416 --> 00:14:02,840
He'll just have wild monkey
sex with her five times, max,

325
00:14:02,857 --> 00:14:04,261
and be done with her.

326
00:14:04,275 --> 00:14:05,853
Thanks again.

327
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,060
What are you doing?

328
00:14:09,076 --> 00:14:12,273
I just wanted to listen to
a little music, that's all.

329
00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:14,842
And this next one's
going out to Swarley.

330
00:14:14,856 --> 00:14:16,743
All your friends know
you miss Barney,

331
00:14:16,758 --> 00:14:19,300
but he's gone,
and you got to accept that, baby.

332
00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:22,192
And, Swarley, you're gonna be
a better woman for it.

333
00:14:22,206 --> 00:14:25,282
Here's "I Am Woman"
by Helen Reddy.

334
00:14:25,295 --> 00:14:29,081
Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman.
I love it!

335
00:14:29,098 --> 00:14:31,882
You know, I was thinking about this
whole new name thing last night,

336
00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:34,101
and you know what I realized?
I like it.

337
00:14:34,115 --> 00:14:35,822
You like being called Swarley?

338
00:14:35,835 --> 00:14:37,671
Are you kidding?
I want you to call me that.

339
00:14:37,686 --> 00:14:38,960
Do you really think
this is gonna work?

340
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:41,392
Do I think what's gonna work?
I'm just saying, I love my new name,

341
00:14:41,427 --> 00:14:44,731
so please only call
me that from now on.

342
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,022
Call you what?

343
00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:51,413
You know, that-that-that new name
that you've been calling me.

344
00:14:51,426 --> 00:14:52,781
Say it.

345
00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:54,641
Why? You guys know what it is.

346
00:14:54,656 --> 00:14:56,330
Say the name.

347
00:14:57,247 --> 00:14:59,863
No, I don't want to! I hate it!

348
00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:02,340
I hate it! It's not funny!

349
00:15:02,356 --> 00:15:04,792
It's never been funny!
I've never done any...

350
00:15:04,807 --> 00:15:06,332
No!

351
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:09,081
Man, he is really gonna lose it

352
00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:12,063
when all the magazine
subscriptions start coming in.

353
00:15:12,127 --> 00:15:14,670
I signed him up for
People in Espanol,

354
00:15:14,685 --> 00:15:17,471
but I addressed it to Swarlos.

355
00:15:17,486 --> 00:15:21,110
Hey, where's the picture of
Marshall and me at the pier?

356
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:23,221
Didn't it used to
be by that window?

357
00:15:23,236 --> 00:15:26,733
Oh, yeah, he, uh,
he sort of took it down when you left.

358
00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:28,480
Put it behind some books,
I think.

359
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:30,810
Oh, well-well,
maybe I should put it back up.

360
00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:32,870
Why, so Chloe'll see
it and get scared off?

361
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:33,982
No.

362
00:15:33,997 --> 00:15:36,591
So Marshall'll see
it and feel guilty.

363
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:39,542
Yeah, okay.

364
00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:41,722
But she wasn't okay.

365
00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:44,450
Later that night,
while Marshall was on his date,

366
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:46,653
Lily came back.

367
00:16:03,336 --> 00:16:05,191
...anymore.

368
00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,902
Pretty impressive, huh?

369
00:16:06,918 --> 00:16:10,931
Wow, you really did memorize all the
lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire."

370
00:16:11,297 --> 00:16:13,101
Can I, uh,
can I get you a drink?

371
00:16:13,117 --> 00:16:14,530
I'd love a beer.

372
00:16:14,546 --> 00:16:16,241
You got it.

373
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,441
Lily did what any
sensible woman would do.

374
00:16:21,456 --> 00:16:23,793
She hid under the desk.

375
00:16:24,265 --> 00:16:26,591
And she stayed there,
listening to her ex-fiance

376
00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:28,813
on a date with another woman.

377
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:31,443
I had a really
nice time tonight.

378
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,492
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

379
00:16:33,505 --> 00:16:36,191
I like your eyes a lot, too.

380
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,871
Finally, much like Billy Joel,

381
00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:40,582
she couldn't take it anymore.

382
00:16:40,597 --> 00:16:42,402
Stop!

383
00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:47,341
Hi. I'm Lily.

384
00:16:49,477 --> 00:16:52,012
Lily... Lily,
what the hell are you doing?

385
00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:55,341
I don't know. I...
I don't know... what I'm doing.

386
00:16:55,355 --> 00:16:58,701
Oh, pumpkin beer--
that was a good one.

387
00:16:58,737 --> 00:17:02,112
I'm just... I'm gonna go.
I... I'm so sorry.

388
00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:05,151
En-Enjoy the rest of your date.

389
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:12,131
She seems nice.

390
00:17:23,455 --> 00:17:26,642
- Lilly, what the hell...
- I'm sorry.

391
00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:28,791
I only snuck up
there because...

392
00:17:28,806 --> 00:17:31,532
when I saw how cute she was yesterday,
I freaked out.

393
00:17:31,545 --> 00:17:33,893
Lily, you saw her yesterday?

394
00:17:34,077 --> 00:17:38,122
Yeah, I...
kind of chased her down the street.

395
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:44,482
Wait, so you were the
hunchback with the limp?

396
00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:46,021
Yeah.

397
00:17:46,038 --> 00:17:49,433
And she didn't break the picture,
I did.

398
00:17:51,828 --> 00:17:54,872
So Chloe's not crazy, she's...

399
00:17:55,197 --> 00:17:58,540
just a nice, normal girl.

400
00:17:58,855 --> 00:18:01,423
Yeah, she is.

401
00:18:02,185 --> 00:18:05,632
And you deserve a nice,
normal girl.

402
00:18:06,258 --> 00:18:08,820
So, why don't you
just go back up there

403
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,482
and-and finish your date.

404
00:18:13,205 --> 00:18:15,042
Yeah.

405
00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:16,503
Okay.

406
00:18:16,607 --> 00:18:18,412
Okay.

407
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:24,310
Wait, if you were the hunchback,
then why did she think you were a guy?

408
00:18:25,747 --> 00:18:30,040
I-I might have used a voice
that sounded like this.

409
00:18:30,646 --> 00:18:32,122
- Why?
- Because I didn't want

410
00:18:32,135 --> 00:18:35,321
her to know it was me, which
I now realize doesn't make sense,

411
00:18:35,338 --> 00:18:37,891
because she hadn't even met me.

412
00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:40,221
You're crazy.

413
00:18:41,776 --> 00:18:48,121
You have... crazier eyes than
anybody that I have ever met.

414
00:18:49,617 --> 00:18:51,173
Shouldn't you be
going back up...

415
00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:53,212
I mean,
you're out of your mind.

416
00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:57,453
You're... just
absolutely insane.

417
00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:03,782
Shouldn't you be
going back upstairs?

418
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,902
I've missed you so much.

419
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:19,042
Okay, I ran it by the group,

420
00:19:19,055 --> 00:19:20,471
and we decided we're
gonna give you a choice.

421
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:23,022
We will agree to stop
calling you Swarley,

422
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:26,542
but instead,
we'll call you Jennifer.

423
00:19:28,136 --> 00:19:29,650
Well?

424
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,471
I'm thinking.

425
00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:35,881
How about this?
On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays...

426
00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:37,610
Hey.

427
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:39,242
Look at this.

428
00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:41,180
So right there,
in the exact same place

429
00:19:41,196 --> 00:19:44,361
that six months earlier I had
walked up and found Marshall alone,

430
00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:48,112
crying over his breakup with Lily,
I found him again.

431
00:19:48,127 --> 00:19:50,440
Only this time he wasn't alone,

432
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,280
and he was happy.

433
00:19:52,296 --> 00:19:55,530
So we went to the bar to celebrate,
and it was great.

434
00:19:55,547 --> 00:19:58,412
I was with Robin,
Marshall and Lily were back together,

435
00:19:58,425 --> 00:20:00,351
and Barney had a cool new name.

436
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,720
All was right with the world...

437
00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:04,860
until we got back
to the apartment.

438
00:20:04,876 --> 00:20:07,003
Oh, my God.

439
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:09,021
Hey, Chloe, I...

440
00:20:09,035 --> 00:20:10,960
guess I forgot I
left you up here.

441
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:14,663
I was gonna leave,
but I can't find my keys.

442
00:20:15,755 --> 00:20:18,641
They're right there
on the coffee table.

443
00:20:20,356 --> 00:20:22,061
Silly me.

444
00:20:22,076 --> 00:20:25,053
I must have looked
everywhere else.

445
00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:31,072
Well... I'm just gonna go.

446
00:20:31,646 --> 00:20:34,122
Oh, I don't think we've met.
I'm Chloe.

447
00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:35,130
Robin.

448
00:20:35,148 --> 00:20:37,470
It's nice to meet you, Roland.

449
00:20:37,618 --> 00:20:39,693
I'll see you guys later.

450
00:20:42,428 --> 00:20:44,342
Roland?

451
00:20:45,056 --> 00:20:47,350
Your name's Roland.

452
00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:50,352
That's funny, right?

453
00:20:50,368 --> 00:20:52,632
Rock and Roland.

454
00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:56,363
Warsaw is the capital
of what? Roland.

455
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,652
You're Monica Roland-ski.

456
00:21:00,947 --> 00:21:05,372
Hey, yeah,
that's just how I Roland.

457
00:21:05,677 --> 00:21:07,642
- Nice try, Swarley.
- Damn it.

458
00:21:16,088 --> 00:21:18,992
Swarley!

459
00:21:19,038 --> 00:21:21,313
# Sometimes you want to go #

460
00:21:21,325 --> 00:21:26,072
# Where everybody #
# knows your name #

461
00:21:26,388 --> 00:21:29,262
# And they're always #
# glad you came... #

462
00:21:29,275 --> 00:21:30,941
Transcript : Raceman
Subtitles : Willow's Team
www.forom.com