1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,115
Fsx you spend with your family.
2
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,100
So in December of 2006,
I had three options.
3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,810
Spend it with my mom
and her new boyfriend Clint,
4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:13,710
spend it with my dad and his
new girlfriend micro-brewing,
5
00:00:13,777 --> 00:00:15,710
or head down to Staten Island
to spend it
6
00:00:15,777 --> 00:00:18,810
with my super religious cousin
Stacy in her family
7
00:00:18,877 --> 00:00:20,710
So I opted
for none of the above
8
00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:23,510
and decided
to spend Christmas 2006
9
00:00:23,576 --> 00:00:24,693
in Manhattan...
10
00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:28,010
celebrating
with my other family.
11
00:00:30,077 --> 00:00:33,977
Okay, I have one last paper
due at 5:00 p.m. today,
12
00:00:34,044 --> 00:00:36,044
so until then, I will be
at the law library at school,
13
00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:37,843
but I'm not to be disturbed
for any reason.
14
00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:39,044
Dude, open your eyes.
15
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:40,209
You're going to
hurt yourself.
16
00:00:40,276 --> 00:00:41,510
No, no.
17
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:42,977
Christmas Eve winter wonderland
is my reward
18
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,510
for finishing my paper.
19
00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:45,977
Oh.
20
00:00:46,044 --> 00:00:47,910
Baby, do I smell your
Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies?
21
00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:49,376
Yes.
22
00:00:49,443 --> 00:00:51,410
Damn me and
my heightened
other senses.
23
00:00:51,476 --> 00:00:53,176
Must be strong.
24
00:00:53,243 --> 00:00:55,209
Okay, I'll be
back here at 5:00.
25
00:00:55,276 --> 00:00:57,110
Save me at least 20 cookies
26
00:00:57,176 --> 00:00:58,510
and do not
clean the bowl.
27
00:01:01,543 --> 00:01:02,810
Was that a reindeer?
28
00:01:02,877 --> 00:01:03,977
I don't want to know!
29
00:01:09,059 --> 00:01:10,010
Hey, look.
30
00:01:10,077 --> 00:01:12,077
Our old answering machine.
Oh, yeah.
31
00:01:12,144 --> 00:01:13,710
After you left, we,
uh, we unplugged it
32
00:01:13,777 --> 00:01:15,110
because it
reminded Marshall
33
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,810
of how you used to, you
know, leave messages.
34
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,376
But hey,
35
00:01:18,443 --> 00:01:19,610
you guys are
back together.
36
00:01:19,677 --> 00:01:22,794
I say we're
plugging it back in.
37
00:01:24,309 --> 00:01:25,643
It's good to have you back.
38
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,077
Thanks.
39
00:01:27,144 --> 00:01:29,977
Oh, hey, look, there's
still some messages on here.
40
00:01:30,044 --> 00:01:32,243
MR. MOSBY:
Hey Ted, it's Dad
calling to check in.
41
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:34,610
I'm going fishing this weekend
with my friend Clint,
42
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,309
so if I don't hear from you
beforehand,
43
00:01:36,376 --> 00:01:38,376
I'll talk to you next week.
44
00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:39,743
Yes, same Clint.
45
00:01:40,877 --> 00:01:42,243
TED (on machine):
Hey, Marshall.
46
00:01:42,309 --> 00:01:43,710
Are you lying on the couch
right now moping about Lily?
47
00:01:43,777 --> 00:01:45,743
You are, aren't you?
Oh...
48
00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:46,743
Well, stop it.
49
00:01:46,810 --> 00:01:47,977
She's not worth it.
50
00:01:48,044 --> 00:01:50,943
You gotta get over that Grinch.
51
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,543
But I didn't say "Grinch."
52
00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:54,209
I said a bad word.
53
00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:56,710
A very, very bad word.
54
00:01:57,810 --> 00:02:00,777
Oh, fudge.
55
00:02:00,843 --> 00:02:03,176
But I didn't say fudge.
56
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:12,200
www.1000fr.com Present
57
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:21,000
Capture:FRM@Fadeout
Sync:FRM@openext
58
00:02:21,226 --> 00:02:23,260
a what?
59
00:02:23,326 --> 00:02:24,326
I--
60
00:02:24,327 --> 00:02:25,992
That was Barney,
that was Barney.
61
00:02:25,993 --> 00:02:28,042
That was you, Ted.
That was Marshall.
62
00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:29,576
Marshall left a message
for Marshall?
63
00:02:29,643 --> 00:02:34,343
You know, it may have been
me, but it was so long ago.
64
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:36,910
Man, that machine, it
really garbles your voice.
65
00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:38,976
You know, it almost
made it sound like I said...
66
00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:40,843
Why would you call me that?
67
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,843
It was a fair question.
68
00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:44,544
Marshall's breakup with Lily
had sent him
69
00:02:44,609 --> 00:02:46,110
into a deep depression
70
00:02:46,177 --> 00:02:47,910
and nothing could get him out
of it.
(moans)
71
00:02:47,976 --> 00:02:48,976
Until one day...
72
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:50,910
She was perfect.
73
00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:53,643
I lost the perfect woman.
74
00:02:53,809 --> 00:02:56,810
I should have knocked her up
when I had the chance.
75
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:57,810
Okay.
76
00:02:57,876 --> 00:02:59,544
That's it.
77
00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:01,177
You're never going
to get over her
78
00:03:01,243 --> 00:03:02,810
until you stop putting her
on a pedestal.
79
00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,676
So no more ice cream
until you tell me
80
00:03:04,743 --> 00:03:06,043
one thing that's wrong
with Lily.
81
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:08,976
There's only one of her?
82
00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:10,544
Okay.
83
00:03:10,609 --> 00:03:13,077
She called off your wedding
and dumped you
84
00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:14,776
to be a painter
in San Francisco.
85
00:03:14,843 --> 00:03:15,843
What do you call that?
86
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,843
Fiercely independent?
Uh-uh.
87
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:20,743
Brave?
88
00:03:22,576 --> 00:03:25,010
I guess it was
a little selfish.
89
00:03:25,077 --> 00:03:26,444
There you go.
90
00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:28,776
And in almost no time,
91
00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:31,510
that spark turned
into a roaring fire.
92
00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:34,043
Yeah. No, you're right.
Lily would laugh at anything.
93
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,676
She'd give it up for a bad pun.
94
00:03:35,743 --> 00:03:37,510
I'm telling you,
she's a laugh slut.
95
00:03:37,576 --> 00:03:39,477
Remember that time
we heard her laughing
96
00:03:39,544 --> 00:03:41,343
and we thought she was
watching Weekend At Bernie's,
97
00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:43,876
but it turned out she was
watching Weekend At Bernie's 2?
98
00:03:44,743 --> 00:03:46,110
And her art?
99
00:03:46,177 --> 00:03:48,043
"I'm Lily, I'm an artist."
100
00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:49,943
She doesn't even own a beret.
101
00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:52,343
Yeah, and if she's
such a great "artist,"
102
00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:54,377
why does she suck at Pictionary?
103
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:56,609
Who draws a ninja star
like a Star of David?
104
00:03:56,676 --> 00:03:58,743
Come on, come on.
Right, right?
Yeah!
105
00:03:58,810 --> 00:03:59,743
Another round!
106
00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:01,043
(laughing):
Yeah!
107
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,143
I was trying to help him.
108
00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:03,277
I'm his best friend.
109
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,477
That's the best friend's job.
110
00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:08,210
The best friend's job is
to call me that word?
111
00:04:08,277 --> 00:04:10,410
Yeah.
112
00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:12,743
Oh, Ted.
113
00:04:12,810 --> 00:04:14,310
Oh, Teddy boy.
114
00:04:14,377 --> 00:04:15,643
Why is this such a big deal?
115
00:04:15,709 --> 00:04:16,843
It's just a word.
116
00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:18,510
We use lots of words, every day.
117
00:04:18,576 --> 00:04:20,976
It shouldn't be any different
than any other word.
118
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,343
Then why don't you say it now?
119
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:23,976
Grinch.
120
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,077
You timed that didn't you?
121
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,310
Perfectly.
122
00:04:29,377 --> 00:04:31,544
Well, at least
you apologized.
123
00:04:32,843 --> 00:04:33,976
You apologized,
didn't you?
124
00:04:34,043 --> 00:04:35,510
Oh, yeah.
125
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,110
"I'm sorry" were the first
words out of my mouth.
126
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,177
I'm sorry, but I am
not apologizing.
127
00:04:40,243 --> 00:04:42,609
I was just trying to put
the guy back together.
128
00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:44,343
You smashed him to pieces.
129
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,843
Are you seriously not going to
apologize for leaving that...?
130
00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:47,910
No!
Why not?
131
00:04:47,976 --> 00:04:49,010
Because, Lily, this summer,
132
00:04:49,077 --> 00:04:50,243
you were kind of a Grinch.
133
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:51,544
BOTH:
Oooh.
134
00:04:52,676 --> 00:04:55,544
Oh, you'll be
sorry, Ted Mosby.
135
00:04:56,743 --> 00:04:58,810
Ted Vivian Mosby!
136
00:04:58,876 --> 00:05:00,077
That's not my middle name.
137
00:05:00,143 --> 00:05:01,876
You kiss your mother
with that mouth?
138
00:05:01,943 --> 00:05:03,544
Like you've never
said that word.
139
00:05:03,609 --> 00:05:05,609
I don't kiss your mother
with my mouth.
140
00:05:05,676 --> 00:05:06,609
Yet.
141
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:09,776
Are you sick?
142
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,310
Is it sick to find maturity
143
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:12,377
and experience sexy?
144
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,377
No, I meant
145
00:05:13,444 --> 00:05:14,609
do you have a cold?
146
00:05:14,676 --> 00:05:15,810
I'm fine.
147
00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:21,976
I'm fine.
148
00:05:22,043 --> 00:05:23,510
My nose is just
overflowing with awesome
149
00:05:23,576 --> 00:05:25,377
and I had to get some of it out.
150
00:05:26,244 --> 00:05:29,243
Now, if you'll excuse me, the
holidays are a time when people
151
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,743
are lonely and desperate.
152
00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:33,877
It's the most wonderful
time of the year.
153
00:05:36,077 --> 00:05:37,243
I should go apologize.
154
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:38,709
It's Christmas Eve.
155
00:05:38,776 --> 00:05:42,576
Yeah. I mean, slamming
doors and screaming curses?
156
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:46,121
If I wanted that, I would have
gone home for the holidays.
157
00:05:49,077 --> 00:05:50,676
I don't see any
mistletoe, but...
158
00:05:53,077 --> 00:05:55,643
Oh! Oh, God!
159
00:05:56,709 --> 00:05:58,544
Uh... "Bless you" would
have been nice.
160
00:06:01,010 --> 00:06:02,010
You're sick.
I'm not sick.
161
00:06:02,077 --> 00:06:03,010
You're sick.
162
00:06:03,077 --> 00:06:04,243
You know what? I am sick.
163
00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:05,709
Sick of you telling me I'm sick.
164
00:06:05,776 --> 00:06:08,709
What up?
165
00:06:13,210 --> 00:06:16,843
Ahh... Three flights of stairs,
not a drop spilled.
166
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:17,910
Hey, buddy.
167
00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,277
You sure this
is gonna work?
168
00:06:21,343 --> 00:06:22,444
Yeah, this is our thing.
169
00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:24,043
In college, whenever
I wanted to make up
170
00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:25,910
with her, I'd buy her
a beer. Cute, right?
171
00:06:25,976 --> 00:06:27,776
Totally.
Plus free mug.
172
00:06:30,243 --> 00:06:32,776
Usually that
would've done the trick,
173
00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,810
but it turned out
this was a problem
174
00:06:34,876 --> 00:06:36,010
not even alcohol could solve.
175
00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:46,776
Actually the beer
helped a little.
176
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,000
aaaaaaaaaaaaa
177
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,000
bbbbbbbbbbb
178
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,600
ccccccccccc
179
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,400
dddddddddddddd
180
00:06:58,900 --> 00:06:59,800
eeeeeeeeeeeeee
181
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,200
fffffffffffff
182
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,500
ggggggggggggggg
183
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,500
hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
184
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,800
iiiiiiiiiiiii
185
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,700
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
186
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,100
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
187
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,900
lllllllllllll
188
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,410
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Billy.
189
00:07:22,327 --> 00:07:24,260
Okay, yeah,
dinner next Wednesday.
190
00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:26,593
Okay.
191
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:27,993
Damn voice dial.
192
00:07:31,127 --> 00:07:32,060
Barney!
193
00:07:32,127 --> 00:07:33,493
What the hell?
194
00:07:33,559 --> 00:07:36,294
Get in here, it's
freezing outside.
195
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,626
Are you insane?
196
00:07:37,693 --> 00:07:39,426
Hey, blame Lily and her
197
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,294
oppressive "no cigars
in the apartment rule."
198
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,294
God, it's like Marshall's
marrying the Taliban.
199
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,394
(sneezes)
200
00:07:45,459 --> 00:07:46,394
High five.
201
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:47,626
Eww. No.
202
00:07:47,693 --> 00:07:51,294
You have to go home
and get to bed.
203
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,626
Oh, Robin, my simple friend
from the untamed north,
204
00:07:54,693 --> 00:07:57,127
let me tell you
205
00:07:57,193 --> 00:08:00,327
about a little thing I like
to call mind over body.
206
00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:01,394
You see,
207
00:08:01,459 --> 00:08:03,127
Whenever I start feeling sick,
208
00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:07,260
I just stop being sick
and be awesome instead.
209
00:08:07,327 --> 00:08:08,360
True story.
210
00:08:08,426 --> 00:08:11,626
Yeah, in two minutes,
211
00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:16,127
I'm going to pound a sixer
of Red Bull, hop in a cab,
212
00:08:16,193 --> 00:08:18,260
play a couple of hours
of laser tag,
213
00:08:18,327 --> 00:08:22,593
maybe get a spray-on tan.
214
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:25,127
It's gonna be legen...
215
00:08:25,193 --> 00:08:27,260
Wait for it...
216
00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:28,927
(snoring softly)
217
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:31,394
Lily!
218
00:08:31,459 --> 00:08:33,294
Merry Christmas, assface.
219
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,793
Um, Lily?
220
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:36,660
Where are the Christmas
decorations?
221
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:38,960
At my apartment.
222
00:08:39,027 --> 00:08:40,526
You want to bring them back
223
00:08:40,593 --> 00:08:42,127
so we can celebrate
Christmas together-- please?
224
00:08:42,193 --> 00:08:44,493
Ted, do you know what I would do
225
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:46,626
if one of my kindergartners
used that kind of language?
226
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,860
I would be on the phone
with their parents.
227
00:08:48,927 --> 00:08:50,793
Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner.
228
00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:51,826
Exactly.
229
00:08:51,893 --> 00:08:53,127
You know what that word means.
230
00:08:53,193 --> 00:08:54,626
You know that
calling people names
231
00:08:54,693 --> 00:08:57,826
is mean and hurtful... assface.
232
00:08:57,893 --> 00:08:59,027
Lily, if you don't
233
00:08:59,093 --> 00:09:00,394
bring that stuff back
right now, we...
234
00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:03,294
She hung up.
235
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,826
She's just mad.
She'll cool down.
236
00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:05,660
Mm-hmm.
(phone ringing)
237
00:09:05,726 --> 00:09:06,960
Aha.
238
00:09:07,027 --> 00:09:08,360
Lily...
239
00:09:08,426 --> 00:09:09,760
Don't forget to take the cookies
240
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,660
out of the oven... assface!
241
00:09:11,726 --> 00:09:13,426
Damn it!
242
00:09:13,493 --> 00:09:15,360
I could be in
Cleveland right now
243
00:09:15,426 --> 00:09:17,593
making peppermint lager
with my dad.
244
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:18,993
Where are you going?
245
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,559
Marshall gets home
in three hours.
246
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:23,826
He's gonna show up--
no Lily, no winter wonderland.
247
00:09:23,893 --> 00:09:25,227
I gotta get up
to the Bronx.
248
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,893
...dary.
249
00:09:30,327 --> 00:09:31,526
(phone ringing)
250
00:09:33,327 --> 00:09:34,927
Hey, dude,
how's the paper going?
251
00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:36,493
Screw the paper,
how's the winter wonderland?
252
00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:37,493
Is it magical?
253
00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:39,394
Oh... so magical.
254
00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:41,193
When you walk
through the door, does it feel
255
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:42,993
like you've been slapped
in the face by Christmas?
256
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:43,826
Sure does.
257
00:09:43,893 --> 00:09:45,227
Look, I gotta go.
258
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,593
Come on, man, describe it!
259
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,860
Tell me about the decorations.
260
00:09:47,927 --> 00:09:48,860
Is Rudolph there?
261
00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:49,860
He is, isn't he?
262
00:09:49,927 --> 00:09:51,626
Hi, Rudolph!
263
00:09:51,693 --> 00:09:53,559
Ah, yeah, but, you know...
264
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:56,060
Decorations, is that really
what Christmas is about?
265
00:09:56,127 --> 00:09:57,760
Hell, yeah!
What else would it be about?
266
00:09:57,826 --> 00:09:59,960
Uh, try the birth of Christ.
267
00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:03,826
You know, Christmas--
Christ Mas,
268
00:10:03,893 --> 00:10:06,793
which means "More Christ"
to our Spanish friends.
269
00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:09,826
Yeah, well, all I know
is walking in that door
270
00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:12,693
and seeing the winter wonderland
and seeing Lily
271
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,394
and all you guys, just...
272
00:10:14,459 --> 00:10:15,760
I can't wait.
273
00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,360
Right. I gotta go.
274
00:10:17,426 --> 00:10:18,726
Right. Okay. Oh, wait.
275
00:10:18,793 --> 00:10:20,327
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
One more thing.
276
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:21,860
How about the cookies?
Are they delicious?
277
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:26,927
(shrieking)
278
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,327
You know, honestly, they taste
a little store-bought.
279
00:10:30,394 --> 00:10:31,294
Oh! I got another call.
280
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,459
Well, tell Lily I love her.
281
00:10:33,526 --> 00:10:34,459
Right.
282
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:35,559
Hello?
283
00:10:35,626 --> 00:10:37,559
Ted Evelyn Mosby!
284
00:10:37,626 --> 00:10:38,927
Oh. Uh, hey, Mom.
285
00:10:38,993 --> 00:10:40,327
Merry Christmas.
286
00:10:40,394 --> 00:10:43,327
I just got the most
disturbing call from Lily.
287
00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:46,726
How could you use
such a horrible word?
288
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:48,626
Oh, God, she called you?
289
00:10:48,693 --> 00:10:50,660
Are you acting out
because of the divorce?
290
00:10:50,726 --> 00:10:52,260
Is-is this all about Clint?
291
00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:53,960
No, Mom, why
would it be about Clint?
292
00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:56,360
Hey, buddy, it's Clint.
293
00:10:56,426 --> 00:10:57,927
How you doing, champ?
294
00:10:57,993 --> 00:10:59,726
Hey, Clint. Listen, um,
295
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,593
Hey, hey, no,
I don't really have time to...
296
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,593
no, no. Ted,Ted.
297
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:03,893
You don't know this yet,
298
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,260
but you and I are going
to be great friends.
299
00:11:06,327 --> 00:11:07,493
Now,
300
00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:09,060
the Native Americans
have this ritual...
301
00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:14,394
(coughing)
302
00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:18,127
(sighs)
303
00:11:18,193 --> 00:11:20,360
This is a low moment
for the Barnacle.
304
00:11:21,626 --> 00:11:24,593
I should be off playing
laser tag right now,
305
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,327
but instead...
306
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,893
Don't look at me. I'm hideous.
307
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,327
You just look like
a regular guy.
308
00:11:31,394 --> 00:11:32,526
Exactly.
309
00:11:32,593 --> 00:11:33,893
I'm a Ted.
310
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,360
I'm wearing
elastic-waist fleece pants.
311
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:38,060
And isn't it more comfy?
312
00:11:38,127 --> 00:11:40,060
Yes.
313
00:11:40,127 --> 00:11:42,193
Come on, you need eat something.
314
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:45,127
Too weak...
315
00:11:45,193 --> 00:11:47,626
to hold... bowl.
316
00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:50,793
Fine, I'll feed you.
317
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,193
Mmm.
318
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:57,860
Ouchie in my mouth!
319
00:12:02,127 --> 00:12:05,227
I don't want it.
I want ice cream.
320
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:06,793
No, you're not having ice cream
321
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,060
for dinner
just 'cause you're sick.
322
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,760
But my throat hurts.
No.
323
00:12:09,826 --> 00:12:10,826
I hate you!
324
00:12:10,893 --> 00:12:12,860
Oh.
Don't leave me.
325
00:12:16,227 --> 00:12:17,459
(knock at door)
326
00:12:19,493 --> 00:12:21,426
Who is it?
327
00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:23,493
Pizza delivery.
328
00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:28,693
Whoa.
329
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,559
Hey, you tricked me.
330
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,327
You really thought
I was the pizza delivery guy?
331
00:12:32,394 --> 00:12:34,493
No, I knew it was you.
332
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,027
I just thought you'd
at least bring a pizza.
333
00:12:37,093 --> 00:12:40,526
Yeah, well,
I brought a beer,
334
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,693
but I gave it
to a homeless guy.
335
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,160
All right, he took it from me.
336
00:12:45,227 --> 00:12:47,193
Now, will you please come home?
337
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:49,927
No, I'm not spending
Christmas with you.
338
00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:54,426
Okay, I'm sorry for calling you
a... that word,
339
00:12:54,493 --> 00:12:56,459
over the summer,
340
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,193
and for saying it again today.
341
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,459
And for thinking it a lot
on the subway ride over.
342
00:13:00,526 --> 00:13:02,459
I had no right
to say that.
343
00:13:02,526 --> 00:13:03,693
It was hurtful
344
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,294
and immature and I'm sorry.
345
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,626
Oh, shut up.
346
00:13:06,693 --> 00:13:08,160
You think I don't know
347
00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:10,260
your fake apologies
by now, Ted Mosby?
348
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:11,394
Huh?
349
00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:13,227
You're clearly still mad at me.
350
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,294
I'm not mad at you.
Yes, you are.
351
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,893
I am not mad at you, Lily.
Now, can we please just...
352
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,927
I've apologized to Marshall
and he's forgiven me
353
00:13:19,993 --> 00:13:21,960
and we've moved passed it.
Why can't you?
354
00:13:22,027 --> 00:13:24,626
Because you never
apologized to me.
355
00:13:26,193 --> 00:13:27,526
Marshall's not the only one
you walked out on.
356
00:13:27,593 --> 00:13:29,660
You leave for three months,
you don't even call.
357
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,093
Come on, Lily, we're supposed
to be friends!
358
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,294
Yeah, some friend,
you called me a Grinch.
359
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,260
You were a Grinch!
360
00:13:35,327 --> 00:13:36,927
How can you...
Grinchy,
361
00:13:36,993 --> 00:13:40,826
grinch, grinch, grinch
grinch, grinch, grinch.
362
00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:43,426
Happy?
363
00:13:43,493 --> 00:13:45,693
Now, you've pissed off
the big guy upstairs.
364
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,927
Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...
365
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,294
BIG GUY UPSTAIRS:
You use that language again
and I'll turn off your water!
366
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,294
That's my super.
He lives above me.
367
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,260
Great.
368
00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:55,826
Thanks to your filthy mouth,
369
00:13:55,893 --> 00:13:57,927
now I'm going to have Christmas
alone in the dark.
370
00:13:57,993 --> 00:14:00,660
Fine. I don't want
to ruin Christmas.
371
00:14:00,726 --> 00:14:01,927
You can have the apartment.
372
00:14:01,993 --> 00:14:03,260
Don't worry
about seeing me there
373
00:14:03,327 --> 00:14:04,860
I'll be in Staten Island
with my cousin Stacy.
374
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,826
Just....
375
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,459
Ow.
376
00:14:13,927 --> 00:14:15,394
Merry Christmas.
377
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,760
You're spending Christmas Eve
with your family?
378
00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:21,693
Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry.
379
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,327
Uh, they're fine. They're
just... they're a little weird.
380
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:26,593
You know they don't believe
in gifts or Christmas trees.
381
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,760
And they think Santa's
how Satan spells his name
382
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,626
when he wants to trick us.
383
00:14:30,693 --> 00:14:32,960
Well, do you want me to go
with you?
384
00:14:33,027 --> 00:14:33,893
Was that a sincere offer?
385
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,693
First tell me your answer.
386
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,760
Stay there. Save yourself.
387
00:14:37,826 --> 00:14:39,294
We'll spend all day
together tomorrow.
388
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,294
Okay.
389
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,726
Oh, how's Barney feeling?
390
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,060
You mean the whiney bottomless
pit of neediness?
391
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:47,860
He was bugging me, so I spiked
his echinacea tea with codeine.
392
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,493
You're gonna be a great mom.
393
00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:53,027
Mm-hmm.
394
00:14:54,960 --> 00:15:00,860
Holy crap, the magical
Christmas season is upon us.
395
00:15:00,927 --> 00:15:03,893
And thank God we don't pay
for utilities.
396
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,693
Merry Christmas!
What's in the box?
397
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,893
Only the best Christmas present
for the best girl ever.
398
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,760
It took me all day
to track it down.
399
00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:14,826
I thought you were
writing a paper.
400
00:15:14,893 --> 00:15:16,294
Ah, naw, I blew that off.
401
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,593
I'll get an extension.
School's not important.
402
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:21,459
What is that pitter
patter on the roof?
403
00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:25,459
Could it be the sound of
an awesome Christmas story
404
00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:27,027
about to come down
the chimney?
405
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,394
Why, yes, it is.
406
00:15:29,459 --> 00:15:32,227
'Twas the day before
Christmas...
407
00:15:32,294 --> 00:15:34,394
It was supposed to arrive,
like, five days ago,
408
00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:36,227
but then it got lost
and rerouted.
409
00:15:36,294 --> 00:15:37,394
I checked two other branches,
410
00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:38,860
finally they told me
it was here.
411
00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:41,093
Yeah, all I needed to know was
the tracking number.
412
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,626
Looks like it's headed out
413
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,360
to our regional branch
in Poughkeepsie.
414
00:15:45,426 --> 00:15:46,826
What?
415
00:15:46,893 --> 00:15:50,060
No, no, no, no,
I need that package today.
416
00:15:50,127 --> 00:15:51,993
Listen, the truck already
left five minutes ago,
417
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:54,327
so unless you want to run
after it...
418
00:15:54,394 --> 00:15:57,294
Stop!
419
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,826
Stop!
420
00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:00,860
Stop, please, stop.
421
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,626
Stop the truck.
422
00:16:06,693 --> 00:16:08,493
(panting):
I need a package on your truck.
423
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,793
Can I please take a look
in back?
424
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:12,127
Sure. But I gotta keep
driving my route.
425
00:16:12,193 --> 00:16:13,327
I'm running behind.
426
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:17,093
(screeching)
427
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,593
Whoa.
428
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:20,793
WPD DRIVER:
My bad.
429
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:22,860
I'm okay.
430
00:16:25,227 --> 00:16:26,660
Hey, man,
431
00:16:26,726 --> 00:16:28,760
thanks for helping me make
my fiancée's Christmas.
432
00:16:28,826 --> 00:16:30,093
No problem.
433
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,927
Too bad I can't deliver
all these packages
434
00:16:31,993 --> 00:16:33,426
by the end of the day.
435
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,160
Wait, so some people aren't
going to get their gifts
436
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:37,693
in time for Christmas?
437
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,860
Sadly, no.
438
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:53,960
* They call me back door Santa *
439
00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:58,260
* I make my runs
about the break of day *
440
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:04,160
* They call me back door Santa *
441
00:17:04,227 --> 00:17:07,760
* I make my runs
about the break of day *
442
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,027
* Oh, ho, ho *
443
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:12,626
* I make all the little
girls happy... *
444
00:17:12,693 --> 00:17:15,227
We delivered every single
package on that truck.
445
00:17:15,294 --> 00:17:16,559
Oh.
446
00:17:16,626 --> 00:17:17,826
But I still have one package
left to give.
447
00:17:17,893 --> 00:17:18,559
Mmm.
448
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:19,394
Yeah, I did.
449
00:17:19,459 --> 00:17:20,493
(giggles)
450
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:22,360
Merry Christmas.
451
00:17:23,426 --> 00:17:25,127
Open it, Baby.
Okay.
452
00:17:25,193 --> 00:17:26,426
Ah.
453
00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:28,526
Oh, my God.
454
00:17:28,593 --> 00:17:31,294
An Easy Bake Oven!
455
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,027
I've wanted one of these ever
since I was a little girl.
456
00:17:34,093 --> 00:17:35,760
In this exact model.
457
00:17:37,027 --> 00:17:39,360
I never told you that.
How did you know?
458
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,660
It's our first Christmas
since we got back together.
459
00:17:42,726 --> 00:17:44,526
I want to get her something
really special.
460
00:17:44,593 --> 00:17:45,993
So I'm getting her
a jukebox.
461
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:48,327
Wow, that's a great gift.
462
00:17:48,394 --> 00:17:51,559
Not really. It's this big
and it dispenses gum.
463
00:17:51,626 --> 00:17:55,426
Oh, man, I know something
you could get her
464
00:17:55,493 --> 00:17:57,559
that would blow her mind.
465
00:17:58,459 --> 00:17:59,860
Ready?
466
00:17:59,927 --> 00:18:01,394
Eight years ago...
467
00:18:01,459 --> 00:18:03,459
(reggae playing)
468
00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:07,760
When I was a kid, all I wanted
was an Easy Bake Oven.
469
00:18:07,826 --> 00:18:10,559
I begged and I begged,
but all I got
470
00:18:10,626 --> 00:18:12,394
was a stupid Lego set
471
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,893
because my feminist mom didn't
want me conforming
472
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,893
to traditional gender roles.
473
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:21,993
Easy Bake Oven-- that's what
I'm going to call my van.
474
00:18:24,893 --> 00:18:26,394
Dude...
475
00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:28,160
how was the concert?
476
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,227
I couldn't find the outside.
477
00:18:33,294 --> 00:18:35,227
(laughing)
478
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:40,394
I can't believe Ted remembered
after all these years.
479
00:18:40,459 --> 00:18:42,526
Yeah, and after all that weed.
480
00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:44,927
Where is he anyway?
481
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,993
Staten Island.
482
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,927
Why?
483
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:57,227
Okay, don't tell your mom, but
I got you guys some presents.
484
00:18:57,294 --> 00:18:59,160
Like the the gift
of God's love?
485
00:18:59,227 --> 00:19:00,927
No, dude, real presents.
486
00:19:02,826 --> 00:19:04,260
Uncle Ted got us presents!
487
00:19:05,826 --> 00:19:08,960
That's okay, Ted, we'll
just give them to charity.
488
00:19:09,027 --> 00:19:10,160
Yay!
489
00:19:10,227 --> 00:19:11,626
Uh, not you, Charity.
490
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,526
I meant the less fortunate.
491
00:19:15,327 --> 00:19:17,360
Ted, how would you like
to say grace tonight?
492
00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:20,260
Uh, you know what,
why don't you say it.
493
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,093
I really wouldn't know
what to say.
494
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,360
Why don't you recite your
favorite passage of scripture.
495
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:26,826
That's a great idea, Charity.
496
00:19:26,893 --> 00:19:28,626
But, really,
I don't know.
497
00:19:28,693 --> 00:19:30,993
I mean how do you choose
your favorite passage?
498
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,260
It's the Bible;
499
00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:35,227
there's so many...
great ones...
500
00:19:35,294 --> 00:19:37,160
That one from Pulp
Fiction's pretty cool.
501
00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:39,760
(doorbell ringing)
Ooh, I'll get it.
Charity, I'm tapping you in.
502
00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:42,693
Dear, Father, thank you
for this day,
503
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,526
and thank you for bringing
this family together.
504
00:19:45,593 --> 00:19:46,793
Amen.
505
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:48,027
Who is it, Ted?
506
00:19:49,327 --> 00:19:52,993
Uh, it's...
it's just, um, carolers.
507
00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:59,927
* Silent night *
508
00:19:59,993 --> 00:20:03,626
ALL:
* Holy night... *
509
00:20:03,693 --> 00:20:07,626
I came here to apologize.
510
00:20:07,693 --> 00:20:08,793
I'm so sorry, Ted.
511
00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:10,327
I accept. Give me the beer.
512
00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:17,360
Mm, oh, it is so good
to see you guys.
513
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:18,693
Are you coming home?
514
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,660
Totally.
515
00:20:21,726 --> 00:20:23,860
But first, Lily, I owe
you an apology.
516
00:20:23,927 --> 00:20:27,860
Oh, for the love of God, are you
as sick of apologies as I am?
Yes!
517
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:31,327
Can we just skip the apology and
go straight to the forgiving?
Yes.
518
00:20:31,394 --> 00:20:35,860
And I promise, I will
never ever call you
a... you know, again.
519
00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:37,193
That's okay.
520
00:20:37,260 --> 00:20:38,826
I was kind of a Grinch.
521
00:20:38,893 --> 00:20:40,559
What's a Grinch?
522
00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:44,826
Nothing. It's something
you shouldn't say.
523
00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:47,360
Mom, what's a Grinch?
524
00:20:48,593 --> 00:20:49,793
Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
525
00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:50,760
(kids chanting):
Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
526
00:20:50,826 --> 00:20:53,160
...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
527
00:20:53,227 --> 00:20:54,760
...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
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...Grinch, Grinch...
Merry Christmas, everybody.
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Merry Christmas, Marshall.
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00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:31,700
Welcome to www.1000fr.com
0
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