1 00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,100 Kids, you remember my first day with Robin. 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,700 - I think I'm in love with you. - What?! 3 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:09,500 Well, here's the thing, normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, 4 00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,200 usually take longer to say "I love you." 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,400 Robin went through the usual stages. 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,300 - Spider! Spider! - I left something in the hallway. 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,400 - Where? - Right there. 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,200 Got it. 9 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,600 First there's the moment when you think you think it. 10 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,000 Whoa, still alive. 11 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,100 There's the moment you think you know it. 12 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,800 Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick. 13 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,500 Totally worth it. 14 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:47,400 There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it. 15 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,300 All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow? 16 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:51,700 Good night. 17 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,100 Good night. 18 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,300 Wait, Ted? 19 00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:56,100 Yeah? 20 00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,900 Good night. 21 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,200 Well, great, I'll see you then. 22 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,600 Bye, sweetie. 23 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,000 Hey. Guess what? 24 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,000 My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. 25 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,200 She gets in on Thursday. 26 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,000 That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? 27 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,200 I'm going to take off work Friday. 28 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,000 We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building. 29 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,200 Really? You'd do that? 30 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,200 Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building. 31 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,700 And then there's the moment where you know you know it, 32 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,700 and you can't keep it in any longer. 33 00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,300 - Ted. - Yeah? 34 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,600 Falafel. 35 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,200 - Falafel? - Falafel. 36 00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:54,600 Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said "falafel"? 37 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,200 - I totally choked. - I just don't get it. 38 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,600 Why can't you tell Ted you love him? 39 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,400 Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me. 40 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,000 Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. 41 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,600 No. 42 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,600 Okay, well, I don't usually get this far in the relationship. 43 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,600 I usually take the three-week exit. 44 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,300 Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory. 45 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:20,600 Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. 46 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,700 Relationships are like a freeway. 47 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:26,300 Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus. 48 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,300 No, this is new. This trumps that. 49 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,200 Freeways have exits. So do relationships. 50 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,000 The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. 51 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,900 You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower. 52 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:40,700 So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? 53 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,800 Actually, yeah, I get that. 54 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:47,100 The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months-- 55 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,900 that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars. 56 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,600 What? 57 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,400 Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit-- death. 58 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,500 Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, 59 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,900 it's like, "Are we there yet?" 60 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,400 So I've never been on the freeway this long before. 61 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,900 I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing 62 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,600 that makes me want to take the next exit. 63 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,800 Yeah, been there. 64 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:13,200 I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. 65 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,000 Okay, it was Marshall. 66 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,300 It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it. 67 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,700 Relax, it'll happen when it happens. 68 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,400 Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing. 69 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,700 Oh, here comes Katie. 70 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,800 - Aw, your sister's so cute. - Yeah. 71 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:38,000 This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, 72 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,400 with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack. 73 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,500 - Hello, Kitty. - Oh, no. 74 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:48,000 No. No. No. 75 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,600 - Hey, Robin. How are you? - Oh, good. Good. 76 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,600 So, who is this... tongue person? 77 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,000 Robin, this is my boyfriend Kyle. 78 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,100 Looks like hotness runs in the family. 79 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:07,400 Oh, you said that. Great. 80 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,800 So how long have you two been...? 81 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,200 - Two whole months. - Yeah. 82 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,500 He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. 83 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,600 Isn't that great? 84 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,700 My cousin. He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so... 85 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:21,700 That's cool. This is my friend Lily. 86 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,200 Hot. 87 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:24,900 You say things! 88 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,000 Well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled. 89 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,300 Um, actually, I'm going to stay with Kyle tonight. 90 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,400 - Uh, no, you're not. - Oh, come on. 91 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:36,300 It's kind of a special night. 92 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:37,600 If you know what I mean. 93 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,300 What? 94 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,700 Oh. Oh... 95 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:49,500 I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a... 96 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,600 ...douche with a faux hawk. 97 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,300 This can't happen. 98 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,600 You guys have to help me talk her out of it. 99 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:58,800 Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. 100 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,600 Yeah, I don't have any of those. 101 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,500 Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion. 102 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,600 Please? I'm her older sister. 103 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,300 I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions. 104 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:13,000 It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas. 105 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,800 That's why I need your help. 106 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,800 Robin convinced Katie to stay with her that first night. 107 00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,800 And the next day, I took everybody to the Empire State Building. 108 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,900 You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. 109 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,700 Empire State Building fun fact number one: 110 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,200 When construction began on March 17, 1930, 111 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,400 the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week. 112 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,100 Four and a half stories per week. 113 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,300 Four and a half stories per week. 114 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,900 There it is. There it is. Come on. 115 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,700 These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them. 116 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:48,800 You know, Katie, I have wanted to come to the Empire State Building for so long, 117 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,500 but I waited to come here with someone special. 118 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,100 Oh, here we go. 119 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,700 Marshall and I have never been to the Empire State Building either. 120 00:05:56,700 --> 00:06:01,400 But I'm so glad I waited to do something so important with my fiancé. 121 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. 122 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,500 It's totally cool to wait. 123 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,600 And stay away from drugs... other than pot. 124 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,900 - You told them? - Oh, okay, yes, I told them. 125 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,000 But only because I think you should hear it from other grownups, too. 126 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,400 Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys? 127 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,300 - Totally. You should wait. - Sex is fun. 128 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:22,100 See? 129 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:25,100 You are such a hypocrite. You were only 16 when you lost yours. 130 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,400 Well, how do you know that? 131 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,800 You left your diary in your old room slash my new room. 132 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,100 I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary. 133 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,500 Look, I've been dating Kyle for two months now. 134 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,800 It's like forever. 135 00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:38,300 I mean, we've already done everything else. 136 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,600 - I mean, we've even... - Oh. La, la, la, la, la. 137 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,500 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. 138 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,300 Even Kyle gets to do that. 139 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:51,100 You have no right to tell me not to do it. 140 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,400 But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? 141 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,500 Because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like Ted. 142 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,000 Robin, this is happening. 143 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,100 Look, I already put it up on my Myspace page. 144 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,600 - I need a clove. - You smoke now, too? 145 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,800 - Oh, remember cloves? - No! 146 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,100 No "Aw, remember cloves?" This can't happen. 147 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,800 She's my baby sister, okay? 148 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:17,700 She should be watching The Little Mermaid and drinking Yoohoo, and not having sex. 149 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,800 Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex. 150 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,700 - I was 17. - We were 18. 151 00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,500 Barney was probably 12. 152 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,500 Good one, Ted. 153 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,900 I was, uh, six... fourt... 154 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,500 How old were you again? 155 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,200 - 17. - Dude, me, too. 156 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,000 - Barney, you okay? - Yeah, of course. 157 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,400 What, you don't believe me? 158 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,700 - It was at camp, so I'm... - What camp? 159 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,100 This place in the Catskills. Look it up. 160 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,100 I was there teaching for the summer. 161 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:47,100 What did you teach? 162 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,000 Uh, dance. 163 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,200 Dance? 164 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,700 Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. 165 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,800 It was just a simple summer job, but it turned into so much more. 166 00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:02,500 Her name was Frances Houseman, but everyone called her Baby. 167 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,700 # Sylvia # 168 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,100 # Yes, Mickey? # 169 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,300 # How you call your loverboy? # 170 00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:09,700 # Come here, loverboy # 171 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,700 # And if he doesn't answer # 172 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,200 # Oh, loverboy # 173 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,400 # And if he still doesn't answer? # 174 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,200 # I simply say, baby... # 175 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,800 # Oh, baby # 176 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,000 # My sweet baby # 177 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,200 That's Dirty Dancing. 178 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,500 - It was on last night. - No, it was two nights ago. 179 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,000 "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. 180 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,700 I just got it out. Now it's back in. 181 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,000 Damn you, Swayze! 182 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,500 - Do you remember our first time? - Yeah. 183 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,800 It was back in college. 184 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,400 Oh, wait, wait. 185 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,600 Look... I really want to do this, but... 186 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,200 we should make it special, you know? 187 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,400 Do this right. 188 00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:58,700 Okay. 189 00:08:58,900 --> 00:08:59,900 You're right. 190 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:03,300 Maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend. 191 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,700 Yeah, New Year's Eve. 192 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,200 Okay. 193 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:13,300 Oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music. 194 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,800 That's not a good idea. 195 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,300 Why not? 196 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,800 Long story. 197 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,000 But maybe we could put on some Al Green and take a bubble bath together. 198 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,700 Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. 199 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,200 Oh, I love you, Marshall. 200 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,700 I'm so glad we're waiting. 201 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,600 Oops. 202 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,000 - Oh, that's adorable. - Yeah, tell her what happened next. 203 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,700 - That was amazing. - Yeah. 204 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,500 Want to do it again? 205 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,900 Please don't. 206 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,900 - We said we were sorry. - Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again? 207 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:50,000 You know what, I loaned you my Walkman. 208 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:55,100 The point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be. 209 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,400 Well, mine was terrible. 210 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,600 Wait, I've never heard your story. 211 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,200 Well, as you know, I was 16. 212 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,000 And it was with my boyfriend Brian. 213 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,600 - Ready? - Yeah. 214 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:15,600 - This feels so right. - Oh, I know. 215 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,400 - Oh, Robin. - Oh, Brian. 216 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,900 Yeah, I'm gay. 217 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,300 - I'm so sorry. - Eh, I should've known. 218 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,500 There were signs. 219 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,300 Oh, my God! 220 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,900 My mom's home. Quick! 221 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,600 - Get under my bed. - What?! 222 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,600 Oh, my God! 223 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:43,100 You only get one shot at losing your virginity. 224 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,900 And even though I just barely had sex, it counts. 225 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,800 What do you mean just barely? 226 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:51,700 Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... 227 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,300 splashed around in the shallow end. 228 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:57,700 Then you didn't lose your virginity to him. 229 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,300 - Just barely doesn't count. - Yes, it does. 230 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,500 - No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. 231 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,700 No, it doesn't. It doesn't count. End of story. 232 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:08,800 Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. 233 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:13,700 Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water? 234 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:17,600 No. Nobody else tested the water, right? 235 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,400 Scooter? 236 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,500 Who's Scooter? 237 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,000 My high school boyfriend, who I did not have sex with. 238 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,600 I... I can't believe this. 239 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,000 We're Marshall and Lily-- when people see us, they say, 240 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,200 "Oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other." 241 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,900 No, Marshall, they say, "Oh, look at them, 242 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,200 they've only had sex with each other." 243 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,500 But now that's not true anymore-- 244 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,600 now you've had sex with twice as many people as I have. 245 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,900 I knew that you were too good at it. 246 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,000 Know what? I don't want to see the stupid Empire State Building anymore. 247 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,800 - It's not stupid. - I'm going to see Kyle. 248 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:54,500 Katie, please. You only get to lose your virginity once. 249 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:57,000 You should only be having sex with someone who's special. 250 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,700 Oh, please-- you've had sex with, like, a hundred guys. 251 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:03,000 It's not a hundred guys. It's not a hundred guys. 252 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,600 I'm sure you were madly in love with all of them. 253 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:08,800 I had different levels of feeling for each of the... 254 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,000 very reasonable number of guys. 255 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,700 Really. 256 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,700 Well, do you love Ted? 257 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,800 Do you love Ted ? 258 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,000 I, um... 259 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,900 Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 22: 260 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:32,200 The Empire State Building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. 261 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:35,100 - You're off the hook, okay? - Just let me explain. 262 00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,600 You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to say it-- it's fine. 263 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:43,300 Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... 264 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,900 "hm hm hm" is like... getting into the carpool lane. 265 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,600 And I don't want to take an exit, but... 266 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,700 at the same time, I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. 267 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,500 Because what's in the carpool lane? 268 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,500 Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get... 269 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,300 Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. 270 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,900 It's no big deal-- you don't have to say it. 271 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,300 It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and I don't want to say it too soon. 272 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:08,900 What, you mean like I did? 273 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,500 No. I didn't... 274 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,800 Yeah, like you did. 275 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,300 I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird. 276 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,100 - Weird... or courageous? - Pretty sure weird. 277 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,300 I mean, who gives it up on the first date? 278 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,600 Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight. 279 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,100 No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut. 280 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,100 Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. 281 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,700 You know what? I take mine back. 282 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,300 - You... What? - I take my "I love you" back. 283 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,900 - You can't take it back. - Nah. Just did. Got it right here. 284 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,100 But, you know, I'm such a slut, I'm just gonna give it away. 285 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,200 Hey, you, sir. I love you. 286 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:42,900 Thank you, man. 287 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,000 I was going up there to jump. 288 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,300 Marshall, why is this such a big deal? 289 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,700 Why is this such a big deal? 290 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,400 Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. 291 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,900 Some dude named Scooter. 292 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,300 Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: 293 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,300 "One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter." 294 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,500 Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve 295 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,000 - before you did... - Okay, Marshall, I get it. 296 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,400 It's a big deal because it rewrites our history. 297 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,600 No, it doesn't. 298 00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,500 Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? 299 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,700 No. You've only been in the lobby. 300 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,000 People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. 301 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,400 They buy tickets to get to the top. 302 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:26,700 Scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count. 303 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,700 Really. 304 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,000 Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building? 305 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,000 Um, we're in it right now. 306 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,800 Thank you, sir. You're a very wise and brilliant man. 307 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,600 You're right. 308 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,500 Why would I throw that all away? 309 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,900 I'm having the best day! 310 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,100 Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place 311 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,400 to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... 312 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,600 but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made. 313 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:57,300 - Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay. - That's not what I meant. 314 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,300 I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. 315 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,300 Please don't do this. 316 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:08,800 But, kids, later that night, Katie did it, 317 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,800 and she got pregnant... with quintuplets... 318 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,900 and she lived out her days in a trailer park... 319 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,200 where she died an alcoholic. 320 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,800 So the moral here, kids, don't have sex until you're married. 321 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:23,800 Maybe even, like, a year or two into marriage. 322 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 - Dad! - Come on, what really happened? 323 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:28,100 All right, here's what really happened. 324 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,400 - Hey. - Hey. 325 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,000 She didn't do it. 326 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,200 Hey, that's great! You got through to her. 327 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,700 No, I didn't. You did. 328 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,700 She told me that you talked to her. 329 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:39,700 Hey, Katie. 330 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,200 Hey. 331 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:44,200 Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me? 332 00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,000 No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours 333 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,400 it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. 334 00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,000 So, you okay? 335 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,300 I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. 336 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,700 Kyle, he's a really nice guy. 337 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,100 He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 338 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,100 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out. 339 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,800 That's very gallant. 340 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,600 Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. 341 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,800 - I was your age my first time. - Oh, really? 342 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,400 Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly. 343 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:19,000 I love you, Ted. 344 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,400 Oh, I love you, too, Molly. 345 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:23,800 But I didn't. 346 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,900 That was amazing. 347 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:27,800 Look, I got to go. 348 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,200 Where are you going? 349 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,000 My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 350 00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,300 We're going out to the woods to light 'em-- it's gonna be awesome. 351 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:36,900 Well, will you call me? 352 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,200 Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. 353 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,300 But I didn't. 354 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,500 Molly? 355 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:46,900 Yeah? 356 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,600 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 357 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,600 But I didn't. 358 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,700 And I never saw her again. 359 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:58,200 I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. 360 00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,000 I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... 361 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,800 that's exactly what I did. 362 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,900 Look, I'm not telling you what to do. 363 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,000 I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. 364 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,200 Even the nice ones. 365 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:18,400 So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... and he dumped me. 366 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:22,200 Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 367 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,000 Aw, honey. 368 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,300 I promise everything is gonna be okay. 369 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,300 You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo? 370 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,900 Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it. 371 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,200 Don't tell Mom. 372 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,200 Thanks for doing that. 373 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,800 You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you. 374 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,300 But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you. 375 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,700 Yeah, well... 376 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,000 I love you, Molly. 377 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,500 Oh, I love you, too, Ted. 378 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,600 Wow. That was amazing. 379 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,600 Look, I got to go. 380 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,800 Wh-Where are you going? 381 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,400 Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. 382 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,200 We're going into the woods to light them. 383 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,600 It's gonna be awesome. 384 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,200 Will you call me? 385 00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,400 Yeah. I'll totally call you. 386 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,300 - Oh, Ted? - Yeah? 387 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,900 Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. 388 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:31,500 - But she didn't. - Oh, come here. 389 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,400 I love you. 390 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,000 I said it. 391 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:45,900 Feels right. 392 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,000 - I love you. - I'm gay. 393 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,900 I'm kidding. 394 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,000 I love you, too. 395 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,900 Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity. 396 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,100 Yeah. 397 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,200 I guess I was just waiting for the right guy. 398 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:13,200 Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. 399 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:17,400 And the last thing we did before she left was go to the Empire State Building. 400 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,700 I am so glad we're finally doing this. 401 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,200 What are you talking about? We were here yesterday. 402 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,800 Yeah, but that didn't really count. 403 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,400 - Oh, crap. - Exactly! 404 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:30,600 So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. 405 00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:33,000 So I lost it to you, Marshall. 406 00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:36,000 And I rode that elevator to the top, 407 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:40,200 and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. 408 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,200 And that's our story. 409 00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,800 Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. 410 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,900 We've only had sex with each other. 411 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000 We've only had sex with each other. 412 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,400 They've only had sex with each other. 413 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,300 Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. 414 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,200 Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: 415 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,700 There are 1,860 steps from this... Whoa, whoa! Come on! 416 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,900 So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. 417 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,400 How have you lived here so long and never been to the top? 418 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:17,700 Well, we're usually busy... drinking. 419 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,500 Speaking of first times, we never got to hear 420 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,700 - your virginity story. - That's right, I almost forgot. 421 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:29,300 Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout... 422 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,500 Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 423 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,500 I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl... 424 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:33,300 Risky Business. 425 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,500 I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer... 426 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,800 That's War Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it. 427 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,100 All right! 428 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:44,500 I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. 429 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,000 She called me "Barry" the whole time, and for two weeks, 430 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,200 my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy? 431 00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:57,900 Hey... 432 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,900 Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills. 433 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,000 Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. 434 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,100 Her dad did not approve of our love. 435 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:12,500 - Did anyone put Baby in a corner? - Oh, God, no. 436 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,300 What can I say, I... 437 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,200 had... the time of my life. 438 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:20,200 True story. 439 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:25,500 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net